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Transcript

The Real Reason I Reached Out: A Narcissist’s Confession · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  You said the mood for you right here.
• 0:02
  I sent my ex a text message. It says something like this.
• 0:06
  I saw something today that reminded me of you, and I just
• 0:09
  wanted to say I'm sorry for everything.
• 0:12
  You probably think that that means I've been sitting here
• 0:15
  reflecting on my wrongdoings, just reflecting on my mistakes,
• 0:19
  just feeling bad about what? About about what I've done, how
• 0:22
  I treated you right. You think I'm lonely.
• 0:24
  You think I'm hurting. You think I'm just, I'm coming
• 0:27
  to, I've seen the light, right? But here's the confession.
• 0:31
  I'm not, I'm just bored and I'm testing to see if I if see the
• 0:36
  door is still unlocked with you. Like today I'm giving you the
• 0:40
  narcissist playbook on why they reach out, why they Hoover.
• 0:46
  Oh boy, that's oh boy. I've been doing some work on
• 0:49
  these scripts and I've been doing some work with the intro.
• 0:51
  Tell me the intro wasn't fired. Y'all tell me it wasn't fired.
• 0:58
  Happy new year y'all. Like seriously?
• 0:59
  But when I reach out to an ex or your narcissistic partner
• 1:04
  reaches out to you, it isn't because they suddenly realize
• 1:07
  that you are the one. It isn't because I suddenly just
• 1:10
  feel like that's the one that got away.
• 1:12
  I got to hit my ex up. They were grade A supply right?
• 1:16
  No, a lot of times it just means my current supply level is low.
• 1:22
  Like I need new supply from old supply over here.
• 1:30
  I need a new, I need some supply from the old right or, or, or it
• 1:35
  means somebody else has rejected me.
• 1:38
  The new supply that I might have left you for.
• 1:40
  The new supply that I was bragging about and posting
• 1:43
  online talking about. This is the love of my life.
• 1:45
  One day into the relationship, 17 minutes into knowing them, I
• 1:49
  knew I was going to marry them. The new supply has cut bait and
• 1:53
  ran off. I'm by myself right now.
• 1:57
  I need validation. I can't be alone, I can't be by
• 2:02
  myself. So sometimes the easiest way
• 2:05
  forward is to go backwards. This is why a lot of
• 2:11
  narcissistic people Hoover, right?
• 2:14
  This is why they come back because they know you.
• 2:17
  They know what buttons to push with you, especially if you had
• 2:20
  a situation, ship or or your relationship was constantly on
• 2:25
  and off. That's why I hear so much leave.
• 2:27
  I had an on and off relationship with this person on and off, on
• 2:30
  and off, on and off. That's the perfect time for them
• 2:32
  to come back because y'all been off a lot.
• 2:35
  Why not be old again? Why not be old and in the
• 2:37
  bedroom again, right? Am I right?
• 2:43
  That's how that's how some narcissists think.
• 2:46
  Y'all. I promise you, that's the
• 2:47
  mentality that some narcissists have right there.
• 2:50
  They think that on and off relationship stuff works.
• 2:53
  They think they can come back to you.
• 2:54
  They still think that, like I said, to see if the door is open
• 2:57
  with you and what not. This is why you have to keep the
• 2:59
  door shut. So there's a few different ways
• 3:02
  that narcissist will Hoover, right?
• 3:04
  There's a few different ways. The first one I want to talk
• 3:07
  about is the nostalgia trap. Nostalgia, nostalgia, nostalgia.
• 3:11
  It's spelled where it, isn't it right where they were like where
• 3:15
  I will mention a song, right. Or a movie or a specific memory
• 3:20
  with you, a good time with you Remember we went to the beach
• 3:25
  and you got the sand in your cheeks and I dug it out with my
• 3:28
  face. And you remember that?
• 3:31
  We used to. I was like, AI was like a mole.
• 3:35
  And I went like a mole, like a bowl.
• 3:42
  Sorry. Yeah, but that's what they do.
• 3:46
  That's what I would do. I would mention this song or
• 3:48
  movie or good the good times, y'all.
• 3:50
  Something specific. Remember when we first met?
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  Remember when we first slept together?
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  Remember we first kissed? Remember your favorite song?
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  Remember your you lost your hair?
• 3:59
  Remember we slept on that bed. We slept on the floor, the
• 4:02
  Airbnb because the bed broke when we was doing something
• 4:05
  great. Remember that?
• 4:08
  That's what they do right there, y'all.
• 4:09
  But just think about it right here.
• 4:11
  If I were to reach out to you and do that, it's not because
• 4:14
  I'm being sentimental. It seems sentimental.
• 4:16
  Doesn't it's sentimental adjacent, right?
• 4:19
  It looks sent to, it's like Splenda.
• 4:21
  It looks like sugar, tastes like sugar, but it ain't sugar.
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  It looks like it looks like me being sentimental, tastes like
• 4:27
  me being sentimental, but it's not.
• 4:29
  It's manipulation. I'm using your own emotions
• 4:33
  against you to like literally circumvent or bypass your
• 4:37
  boundaries. If you have boundaries, say
• 4:40
  goodbye to them things because they they are no longer relevant
• 4:43
  here, right? If you had a boundary, say
• 4:46
  goodnight. It's not a boundary anymore.
• 4:48
  It's gone now, it's mine, right? This is how it works, right?
• 4:53
  So you had to watch out for the nostalgia trap.
• 4:55
  They'll reach out to you to try to keep to try to key up a
• 4:58
  memories of the good time. The next thing a lot of
• 5:02
  narcissists would do, right? Is it called false
• 5:05
  vulnerability? Y'all already know what that
• 5:07
  means don't you? You could tell what it means by
• 5:09
  by the this even the statement the false vulnerability.
• 5:12
  Well, I will admit that I I will admit to something very small.
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  I will admit to a very small mistake to make it seem like I
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  have changed right? I might give you 2% of the truth
• 5:24
  5% maybe look on a good day I might give you 10% of the truth
• 5:29
  right? Just to make it seem like I've
• 5:31
  changed, Like if I in my mind, if I give you 10% of the truth,
• 5:39
  I'm probably going to get 100% of your accountability, 100% of
• 5:42
  your attention on accountability.
• 5:44
  I'm probably going to get 100% of your attention because that's
• 5:47
  what I want. I want your attention.
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  I want what 2 bucks say? I want all eyes on me.
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  That's what I want. And the easiest way for me to
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  get it, the most efficient way for me to get your attention is
• 5:58
  just like that right there. It's to give you what you've
• 6:00
  been wanting. You've been wanting me to admit
• 6:02
  that I'm wrong here. I know.
• 6:04
  Look, so I I know you accused me a lot of things.
• 6:08
  You accused me of being out that night and running through 15
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  different women, having four babies on the way and wrecking
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  your car, taking the Uber, robbing the Uber, stealing,
• 6:19
  crawling home, fighting, sleeping with your sister and
• 6:22
  your best friend and your mom and your dad, whatever, right?
• 6:25
  Well, I would admit that I was out late that later that night.
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  No, it's a little bit, a little bit.
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  And you going to give me a lot, right?
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  That's what it's anticipation. But watch out for that right
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  there. It's false vulnerability.
• 6:38
  They might even offer you just a false apology.
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  I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I hurt you.
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  I'm sorry for the pain you went through.
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  I'm sorry I did that to you. Not even.
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  No. No specificity.
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  False vulnerability. False.
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  False vulnerability, false apology.
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  It's false. It's false.
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  It's not real. Again, it's false.
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  It is. It's Splendor.
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  It's Splenda vulnerability. It looks like vulnerability.
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  Oh, wow. Alright.
• 7:06
  Yeah, I might even call you and promise to change.
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  Vulnerability includes promises to change, Right?
• 7:11
  I I talked to the lady I got back in church, I talked to a
• 7:15
  therapist. You know, I looked the therapist
• 7:17
  up. Look, they even look at the
• 7:18
  therapist up. Y'all they looked up there.
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  They looked at the up the definition of the word therapist
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  and tell you they looked up a therapist because that
• 7:25
  technically I looked up a therapist didn't there, but the
• 7:28
  word therapist, not a real therapist.
• 7:29
  I looked up the definition of the word therapist and I told
• 7:32
  you I talked to a therapist. I looked I looked up a
• 7:34
  therapist. I'm looking into therapist.
• 7:37
  Watch out for that man. Watch out for the false
• 7:39
  governability drop, you know, because it's, it's
• 7:42
  all-encompassing, right? They might actually cry and see
• 7:45
  try to see you face to face as well, y'all.
• 7:47
  The next one I'm going to talk about y'all is the check in.
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  Literally the check in, check in.
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  Seriously, sometimes I will hit you up right?
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  And I won't even say that I miss you.
• 8:04
  I just ask a random question about your dog or your family,
• 8:07
  your friends, the your work, whatever it is.
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  I just do that because it's really is a low stakes way to
• 8:15
  see if you respond to me. It's all like the check in is
• 8:19
  also called baiting, right? It's also called baiting.
• 8:22
  It's literally putting some bait on the end of a fish line to see
• 8:26
  what to see what comes back to see what bites back, to see if
• 8:30
  you bite back, right? Because I want you to bite back.
• 8:33
  I need a bite. I need you to bite.
• 8:36
  I need it, I need you to bite, I need you to come back, right?
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  And that's what ends up happening right there.
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  Like if you take the bait, I know I've won.
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  If you respond to me, I know I've won.
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  Like what I've done in the past, and I think I've actually
• 8:48
  mentioned this in the previous video is that I would send just
• 8:51
  a bunch of random letters and numbers to people, right?
• 8:55
  Just to see if I was blocked and to see if they will respond to
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  me, right? To see if they still have my
• 8:59
  number saved in their phone. Because that would y'all, you
• 9:01
  want to break a narcissist's heart if you, if they like, if
• 9:04
  y'all haven't talked in a while and they reach out to you, say
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  the word, say respond, who is this?
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  I don't have this number saved, right?
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  That right there would destroy me right there.
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  If you were just like, I don't have this number, say I'll be
• 9:22
  pissed off. That would just really, really
• 9:26
  set me off. So that's what you have to watch
• 9:28
  out for as well, right? That's literally something you
• 9:31
  have to watch out for because they will do that.
• 9:33
  Like, I mean, you can, you can set them back.
• 9:34
  You hurt their feeling with that.
• 9:35
  But that was just like a little sidebar.
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  But I've sent random letters and numbers to people and blamed it
• 9:40
  on my infant son. My son did this.
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  My son, that was my son that sent that message.
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  But anyhoo, how you been doing? Haven't talked to you in a
• 9:49
  while. How's the cheeks?
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  Something stupid, right? I do a lot of different things
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  like that. Sometimes I like I say in, in,
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  in the check insurance. I might actually just make a
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  joke, right? I might actually just make a
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  joke. I know I'm the last person on
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  earth you would want to hear. You want to hear from the last
• 10:05
  person that if I, if I was on fire, I know you wouldn't piss
• 10:08
  on me, but I needed I, I had a dream about you and I wanted to
• 10:11
  check in on you, right? I just wanted to make sure that
• 10:13
  you were safe. And you mean have you heard from
• 10:16
  me? Blah, blah, blah, Boo Boo Boo
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  BB. That's how they get you.
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  That's literally how they get you.
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  That's literally how they get you entangled in their lives.
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  And does it work? Yes, it does.
• 10:27
  And this is not me trying to chastise you and make you feel
• 10:30
  bad. It does work, man.
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  Especially if you're not fully healed and you still been
• 10:34
  talking about thinking about them and what whatever the case
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  may be, this is what goes on. This is what happens.
• 10:41
  Like they really are just doing this type of stuff to get inside
• 10:44
  of your mind, to get inside of your head.
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  So you on the other end of it have to be prepared for this
• 10:50
  man. If you want to be done with
• 10:54
  them, you have to be done with them.
• 10:57
  If they reach out especially like so if you go back to the
• 11:00
  vulnerability part of it I mentioned earlier, they will
• 11:03
  hear, hear about you going through a tough time.
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  You're in a vulnerable situation, you are crying, you
• 11:09
  are hurting. You had somebody passed away,
• 11:12
  you had somebody you got broken up with.
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  Like all of this stuff could be happening to you.
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  You see what I'm saying? It doesn't just mean that
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  they're faking, faking vulnerability.
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  They keep trying to play the hero role, hero hero role and
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  come back into your life that way.
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  They could do that. I heard you're going through a
• 11:30
  tough time. I just want to let you know that
• 11:32
  I'm here if you need me. I heard you're struggling right
• 11:35
  now. I just want to let you know I'm
• 11:36
  here if you need me, if you want to talk to, if you need somebody
• 11:39
  to talk to, I'm here. By the way, just so you know, if
• 11:43
  you need somebody to talk to or reverse your opinion to, I'm
• 11:45
  always going to be here. Got you because I wasn't
• 11:50
  vulnerable. You were the vulnerability can
• 11:54
  go both ways. You see what I'm saying?
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  It's false vulnerable. It's it's really it's really
• 11:58
  being predatory. I'm being predatory at any
• 12:00
  moment in time because now I'm playing a hero and does this
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  work now that bar probably works like cake work probably works
• 12:07
  the best right there. That vulnerability Hoover.
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  Oh my goodness, if you're the one that's vulnerable, you feel
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  like you owe me something for being nice to you and being
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  there for you, because I never was when we were together.
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  I know I wasn't ever there for when I know I wasn't the person
• 12:20
  you could lean on when we were together.
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  But I heard your dog got hit by a car, and I'm here if you need
• 12:25
  me. It's a good dog.
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  I know I didn't feed him, didn't care about him, hated him,
• 12:30
  right? But I'm here if you need me.
• 12:34
  Wow. So watch off of that
• 12:35
  vulnerability trap as well because they will absolutely do
• 12:38
  that too, right? This type of stuff right there.
• 12:40
  Yeah. So think about this right here
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  in closing out. If you got a text from me today
• 12:44
  or your narcissistic partner, do yourself a favor.
• 12:48
  Don't look for the hidden meaning.
• 12:50
  Like this is not a sign from God.
• 12:51
  Might be a sign from God for you to block him and cut it off
• 12:53
  like, but it's not a sign. This is not this is not mean you
• 12:57
  should give them another chance. Just because you were thinking
• 12:59
  about them and they reached out does not mean it's a sign that
• 13:02
  you y'all need to get back together.
• 13:04
  It does not mean it's a sign or whatever.
• 13:06
  You just you just heard your favorite.
• 13:08
  You just heard my favorite song yesterday.
• 13:10
  Do you feel like, oh, this is another sign?
• 13:11
  No, no, no. This is not a sign.
• 13:14
  This is not it, right? That I miss you really means I
• 13:19
  miss the way you used to let me treat you.
• 13:22
  Block that number. There's a new number that you
• 13:23
  don't have saved. Block that number.
• 13:26
  Keep the door closed, like lose seriously, case dismissed.
• 13:28
  Don't do it. Don't don't set yourself up.
• 13:31
  Don't be be a victim of your just of your vulnerability, your
• 13:35
  circumstance. Be safe.
• 13:36
  You have to protect yourself in the situation y'all, because if
• 13:38
  you don't protect yourself, no one will.
• 13:40
  I promise you they won't. I I can promise you that
• 13:44
  directly y'all. Anyway, y'all?
• 13:46
  Mental illness.net for my coaching, my courses.
• 13:49
  My courses are taking off y'all. A lot of people are liking my
• 13:51
  course. I got a lot of good reviews.
• 13:53
  You can find that at courses.mentalillness.net for my
• 13:56
  healing courses and they will help.
• 13:58
  I promise other courses will help change your life for the
• 14:00
  better. Y'all mental illness.net for
• 14:02
  everything and I am out. Peace.