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Transcript

I’ve Stopped Waiting to Feel Better · Ok But Are You Good?

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Corinne, and this is Okay But Are You Good?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Where we checking on ourselves on a weekly basis to see how we're doing.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are we living our best lives or we just trying to get by?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: So let's check in.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: How has life been going?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Life has been a roller coaster lately, as always.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just things come up unexpected and they're out of our control.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we do our best, right?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And what I've realized lately is that I personally have spent a lot of time waiting to feel better, waiting for my anxiety to chill itself out, waiting to feel like myself again, just wake up and have no stress, no worries, and waiting for this mental fog that that has been looming over me just to go away.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels like it just won't.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I realize like I'm over it.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm over this waiting because life is gonna life, it's gonna happen, things come up, but I'm in control, you're in control of how things turn out.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And life will just pass you by.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're not doing anything, if you're not making the effort to change, nothing's gonna happen.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I know I I talk about that all the time, but uh I'm like, okay, I need to take my own advice and do something about my thoughts and my anxiety taking over my life.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, anxiety is a constant, it's something I have to work towards every day.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, some days are better than others, but it's that friend I just can't seem to get rid of.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it's annoying how inconsistent it is uh for me.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is my experience.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It I'm sure, and I know I don't have the same anxiety as other people do.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not that I'm special or anything like that.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I worry about things that other people don't, and vice versa.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: You get the drift, right?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing I really get frustrated about with my thoughts is that it's I'll have a bad week and then I'll be good.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's a bad day, and the next day is a good day.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: It can be a good hour to a bad hour.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's just never consistent, and I want it to be more consistent and go with the flow a little bit more, my mind to chill out.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like I'm constantly starting over.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm tired of this, like, I have my life together, everything's great, and then bam, wake up the next day and then I'm spiraling for a week, and then it's just snip, snap, snip, snap.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't get that reference, look it up, babe.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I can make myself laugh all day.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, after my trip, I realized like my anxiety's back or my anxiety shifted while I was on my trip, and I'm back to my normal anxiety of day-to-day stuff, where like on my trip it's like social anxiety more so.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if people really would believe this because I am a chatterbox, but being a chatterbox causes me to have anxiety, but then not talking also gives me anxiety.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, you see what I mean?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I just can't win.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And when I got back from my trip, I realized like I kind of put a band-aid on it while I was gone, and I haven't been like really honing in and dealing with this, and I want to take responsibility for it.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I really want to put in the effort and take control of this.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm tired of waiting to feel better.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want to feel better now and do what I have to to feel better right now.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, as you're listening to this.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: The funny thing about anxiety for me is I it's either instant anxiety or I have delayed anxiety, is what I call it.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is just a made-up term.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: But and maybe you've experienced this as well, where you're out having a great day, you're running your errands, you got your coffee.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, scratch that.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Running errands is not a fun day for me.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're out doing something fun, I can't think of anything, and you have your coffee and you're having a normal day, or maybe you're at a party, hanging out with your friends, your family, and then boom, hi, it's me.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: All your overthinking, all your thoughts, everything that ever went wrong in your life.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, wait, no, go away.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was having fun, I was living my best life, or at least trying to, and then the thoughts come back.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, did I handle this situation right?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Did I say the right thing?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Should I even be here?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I need to go home so I can go spiral about this alone and be in a dark room, all sad.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And this happens to me constantly.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't even think about like what triggers these like delayed thoughts of anxiety.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: It just like happens.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I could make money off of how much time I've wasted um overthinking scenarios and conversations, and if I handled situations correctly, I think for me, my anxiety is like, oh, you're doing something wrong.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like that always is.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like since COVID, that's like really triggered it.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think not being around people, I am like it.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: That was it's been enough time that's passed that you think I would have worked through this, but I guess I just haven't.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I've had a lot of life changes.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I haven't talking heavily about my anxiety because this is what's been on my mind.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I've been struggling with.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I'm not alone.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I don't wish this on anybody, it's not fun, and I really do want to feel better.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want to take my power back of my mind, of just living life.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I'm chill and not overthinking, I'm so happy.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: But that is not my reality 24-7.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's probably like 40-60, where 60 is the anxiety.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So we got to do something about this.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I refuse to keep living my life like this.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: For me, this is gonna be an hour by hour, day by day, week thing.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not gonna be solved overnight.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing I've realized is like I need to start paying attention more to what is triggering me, what is causing these thoughts, what I have to do to like take a step back and chill out and like realize, like, okay, Corin, you're good, girl.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not that big of a deal.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you screwed up, things can be solved.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I'm always focused on like I'm doing this wrong, but I I'm trying to balance like not putting so much energy into things that don't matter.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when I do that, I'm chill.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, this isn't that big of a deal.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's all gonna be fine.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I just forget.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: You forget when you're in the zone.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: But back to what I was saying, my realization of like, okay, what's causing me to spiral?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: What do I gotta do?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm thinking more of like, okay, what just triggered this?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you feeling this way?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: What happened literally five seconds ago that caused you to start spiraling?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to like make notes of that to keep track because my mind like ends up blocking out things that happen, and then I am like, okay, wait, how did we get here?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you know me, I'm a visual person, I have to write things down, I have to put them in my notes app because I will forget.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: I uh just how my mind works, and I know this will help me.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I need to start making big changes and pay attention more and not just like let my mind forget what just happened and make me so upset mentally because I need to understand what's happening.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I need to know what steps I need to avoid or work on because this is not how anyone should be living their life.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm almost in constant fear, I guess.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in constant fight or flight mode, and like I'm I don't need to be.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I need to be more just relaxed and go with the flow with when things come up.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is one of the like first steps of this of like taking your life, uh, taking control of your life and being able to make progress because I'm tired of living in limbo mode of like happy one second, mad, sad the next.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's not fun.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be here on this crazy ride anymore.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm proud of myself for like realizing what I gotta do, and then I just gotta actually pull through and do these moves so I can work on my anxiety.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So some of the stuff I've been doing just for me, just little things.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I got on my routine going on vacation, and I was aware that was gonna happen.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I don't know how people stick to routines when they're on vacation.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel like you really, really have to make the conscious effort to stick to your home routine, but it's so hard when you're in a new environment.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: If I figure it out one day, I'll let you guys know.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: But the little things I've been doing, things I like, I've been reading, and I forget how much I love it.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I don't read during the week because I will stay up till three in the morning finishing a book, and then that doesn't really work out when you gotta wake up three hours later for work, right?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been reading, I've been journaling, just getting my thoughts out.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's just so much going on in this head of mine.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it's good to write it out and like have another outlet that if you don't have people to talk to all the time, or you like keep repeating the same stuff, it's like, okay, you need to get this out, pin the paper, and move on to the next thing.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've also been working out more.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't really work out on vacation.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was way too hot, and I didn't really have the time.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the workout classes I would have wanted to go to weren't available, yada, yada, yada.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I it wasn't happening.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I just didn't want it enough, I guess.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I I'm doing the best I can.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, back to my workout schedule.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I went for my run.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm not ready for this half marathon next month, but it's fine.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm never gonna finish first.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: It just is what it is.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: But then Dorphins, like, I feel so much better, but I'm still not where I was pre-Valentine's Day before I got injured, which is crazy.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm I'm like gearing myself up.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to like level it out so I don't go too hard, but I've been working out more and I can tell the difference.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just so much happier when I'm going to the gym and doing my stuff.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that makes me happy.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And also, I've been listening to audiobooks.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to find a good audiobook, man, a story that you like, and then also someone's voice that you can um endear.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: So just those little things, it's not major, but for me it is because like taking just like one or two of those things out of my routine like totally throws me out.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I know these aren't groundbreaking, they're not curing my anxiety, but they're not making it worse.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's all I can ask.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, this is what works for me.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it'll work for you.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have your little hobbies that also work, and like just time for yourself, something to get your mind off of things.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I love reading so much because you're just in that little world for a little bit, and they get me out of my head, they get me out of my spiraling.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I love it.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: So reading, journaling, working out, getting your thoughts out, listening to books, music.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: What more could anyone want in life?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, just the simple pleasures.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think my anxiety, uh, what's been contributing to my anxiety is that I was out of my routine for so long because I am so busy.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much family stuff, work's busy, life is busy, you name it, it's happening.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I need my routine, I need my stability.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: I need to know what's gonna happen when I wake up in the morning and what I'm gonna do at night and what I'm gonna make use of my time during the day when I have time for myself, which is why I think my mind's been at extra like all over the place because I'm out of my comfort zone, I'm not in my environment.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why routine's good.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And my morning-night routine, obviously, I can bring that when I'm traveling on trips.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I encourage so much to like find a routine that works for you because what works for me isn't gonna work for you, and to stick to it, be realistic, and it helps.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like having stability is so important, and it's it's hopeful that I know what works for me, and I'm grateful that like I try and make the effort all the time.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully you can as well.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And look, the gym isn't solving my problems, reading, journaling isn't solving it, but when I'm doing it all together, it's helping me escape my overthinking.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: It gives me a break, it has me um, it gives me something to look forward to.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's my time, it's me time, it's time for myself to do what I gotta do to give myself a little break.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I love it.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you can find things that you can do for yourself in your day.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't matter how long you do it for, just do it.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, just talking about it right now, I'm like, I'm excited.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, you're making small moves and you just need to actually pull through and do these.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna keep making that effort every single day because the year, it's June, man.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Six months, it's crazy.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I love the summer, so I'm so excited.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: June's a great month, and August.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I love August so much, but it's there's stuff to look forward to.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many memories left to make and changes and like positive moves in our in my life, in your life.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I was a little stuck there for a moment in my thoughts and delays with um my physical capabilities just from being in recovery from my marathon.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, babe, I am still talking about the marathon.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, not sorry.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: I say that every time, but I just still can't believe I did a marathon.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, so it, you know, let's embrace June.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's here, and right now I'm not stuck.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in the middle of being in my living my best life era.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm moving on up the escalator.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been struggling lately, if your anxiety, your thoughts have been louder than usual, if you feel like you're one step forward and then another step back, know that you're not alone and that progress takes time, healing takes time.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: We have to make our choices for ourselves to live our best lives, because all we can do is just keep showing up for ourselves and making adjustments that work for us to be our best selves.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for listening in.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to like them, subscribe, and ask yourself okay, but are you good?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll catch you all next week.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.