Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / What Did Survival Hide? | Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War | Eugene Yeskov

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What Did Survival Hide? | Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War | Eugene Yeskov · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: What happens when life changes in ways you never expected?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: And survival becomes the only thing you can focus on.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: When fear, uncertainty, or adversity take over emotional, emotional armor can make sense.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: We compartmentalize.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: We stay useful.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: We keep moving.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes we stop feeling what hurts because feeling all of it at once would be too much.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: But eventually the crisis changes and the armor doesn't always know.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: Then the question isn't only how do I keep going?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: It becomes how do I move forward without letting what I survive decide who I have to be next?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: Today's conversation is about emotional armor, the seventh silent war, and how to find strength after adversity without allowing the walls that protected you define your future.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines the compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-employment life.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Join him as we delve into the profound rhythm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: Eugene Yeskov is a transformational coach from Ukraine whose perspective has been shaped by experiencing the impact of war firsthand.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: He now lives in Greece and brings lived experience with uncertainty, fear, adversity, and major life change into his coaching work.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: Eugene works work, Eugene's work helps people who feel lost or stuck reconnect with their inner strength, values, purpose, and a new sense of direction.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: His message is that difficult experiences can change us without having to define what is still possible next.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: Eugene, welcome to your thoughts, your reality, my friend.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Happy to be here, Mike.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: Really glad you're here as well.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: So tell us a little more about yourself, if you will.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So probably I was at 17 years old as everybody here.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I graduated from economic cybernetics at age 25.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I built a successful career in economic cybernetics.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: But after probably eight or s or nine years of working, I got everything that supposed to make me happy, but I was empty inside.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And probably after 10 years of working, getting everything, apartments, car, I had everything that, according to society, I should be fulfilled, but I wasn't.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want to help others to grow.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to understand my mission, my purpose.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And during the year which I got the coaching diploma, I discovered my mission.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And my mission is helping other people to find their mission because it was one of the best days of my life when I realized that what will make me happy the most is helping other people to discover their purpose.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I since then I discovered I helped to discover purpose a little bit over 30 people, and I had uh a little bit over 100 people as a coaching client.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not everybody wants to find the purpose, not everybody believes that this is the transformation they need.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: But uh the most fulfilling path right now, I'm still working as a software engineer.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it was my previous diploma, but the most fulfilling part of my days when I have a client who is on the way of discovering purpose, which is I think everybody should do because it's kind of um home point where you can come back whenever what's going on, wars, adversities, some crisis, everybody experiencing something.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have this purpose, you will always have an opportunity to come back and to start where you are.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: I absolutely love that.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: And here's, I know we're not necessarily talking about purpose specifically today, but when you have that, it changes the game, right?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: You're being pulled towards something, and and the other stuff gets drowned out.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, not that it's not that we have to deal with it, and not that things don't happen because it's life.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's how we progress, that's how we learn, that's how we move forward in life, is by things happening and learning from them.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I I love that you started with that.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: And we're gonna, we're gonna, I have a feeling we're gonna circle back into that.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: And by the way, I have to say, I love that we're international again today.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: I love when we do international podcasts.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's so so thank you again for being here.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: So you've experienced the impact of war firsthand.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, that is one of the most let's say traumatic, let's say life-altering, if you will, experience as someone can experience, right?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: So when when life becomes uncertain enough that survival takes over, what parts of ourselves do you think we tend to shut down first?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: So if we talk about survival, anything that related to thrival is switched off because survival is just to keep yourself alive.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is when amygdala kicks in, and you are more most alert, you are in fight or flight mode.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're not talking about purpose, we're not talking about mission at that point.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: The mission is to survive.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was uh I spent the week when the war started in Ukraine, and I was in this in this circumstances where I had to survive.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't didn't think even for a second about my purpose.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: How can I serve to the world?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking about to stay alive.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the first thing is survival is shut shut down.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: But the the things which are not related to to survival, I would say.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: I I cannot tell you for sure, but it's for sure it's your values shut down.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: You you forget about your values.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, maybe the what activated is your talents.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: You are more alert, you are more present, and you become the best version of yourself to achieve that goal which which you have, like to get through the borders or to get outside of the very dangerous territory of something like this.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So this is this is what shut down also the this based on my experience, the sleep shut down.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh can you hear me?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yes, okay.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yes.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was sleeping in the next in the 10 days of the first the first 10 days of the work, my sleep was like four hours, and I didn't want to sleep more.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's it seems like your melatonin production shut down, shuts down because you have to be alert.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: I I'm sure that happens with with with with other hormones kicking in, you know, that yeah for for survival.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: So I I love that you you know you you talk about that, and and I think what happens, and I I assume you're gonna agree, but I'd like to get some more feedback from you, is you just become very resourceful and very laser focused at that point when when your life is on the line, if you will, right?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Can you hear me?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: Can you hear me?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, I can hear you.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: Okay so so I think we got cut off there for a second.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: So you become I think you become very resourceful and very laser focused when something like that happens, yes?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I think we're having some more tech issues.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: There is something with internet.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I heard your question, and one of my friends, the to keep my story going, one of my friends who was in much more difficult situation than me, he he he lived in Mariupol.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you heard about this, the east of Ukraine, which was completely destroyed.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And this guy helped probably 100 something people to get out of the city.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: And normally he is very passive, uh, he's uh not very initiative person, but when this happened, something inside him activated and he was unstoppable.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: He was just you go there, you like he was really, really as a I don't know, as a general, he helped 120 people, something like this.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And when he escaped, when now he's in safe territory, and he said, I'm missing that time.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason why he's missing that time, because the what you said about resolve resourcefulness, when the something happens, so much energy being activated, and then when you are safe, you are like you don't have this energy because in safe mode it's not produced.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: You you don't have to survive, you you you are in comfort.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So this is what happens actually when the the war or or some other diversities, adversities sorry, happening, then your body releases this energy for survival and for helping others to survive.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I think also when when you aren't in that fight or flight mode, if you will, you and you actually are able to breathe and and relax, it's exhausting.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it totally wipes you out because of all the adrenaline and everything else going on.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: It is.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: I won't get into the brain science of that right now because I want to focus on what we're talking about here, but it's it's pretty pretty amazing how the body says, okay, enough, rest.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_02: So so you've had to build a a life through major change, right?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you've had multiple.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: So from Ukraine, you know, now living in Greece, and from software engineering going into coaching.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Which transition do you think challenged your sense of identity and direction the most?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Probably the first the first transition which I had from when I was in my high school and I had to choose what degree should I get.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think at that moment I was my identity was I want to be an actor.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be an actor.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: But my parents convinced me that uh to become a software engineer is much safer road.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it was difficult for me to accept this, but I did, and I for several years I I could not believe that I took this road.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: But then probably 10 years ago, I understood that I I picked the right choice because I know how to use my left side of the brain, and I know how to be, I have I still have talents, I still have gifts for acting, I still can use this, and I I am my own actor in my own movie, I would say, called uh life.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the coaching, coaching is still is still more fulfilling than I would be filmed in some movies or something, because this is related to my purpose.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: So the identity shift, the biggest identity shift for me was accepting that choosing the path which I chose was right.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've always was rebellion, I wanted to go back, I wanted to quit.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: But then when I realized that I picked the right choice, and I still can come back, can get uh some acting degree or something like this to become actor, but I don't want to.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be a coach, I want to help other people to grow to to serve not to survive, but to thrive and to get through challenges which they have they have.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: So answering your question, what was the most difficult, right?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Your question was what was the most difficult transition to let go of my actor and become coach.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Probably this this transition was much more difficult and at the same time pleasant, I would say.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Right, absolutely.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I we own a construction company, and then you know, I started doing this, you know, you know, a couple of years ago.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll tell you what, there's nothing more satisfying, more fulfilling, if you will, than helping somebody else, right?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: And that just goes to one of the six main things we need as human beings, which is contributions to feel like we're moving forward.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I love I love that you're here, man.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: So emotional armor can be useful, we're gonna get into emotional armor now, can be useful when life feels unsafe.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: And that can be in relationships, that can be at work, that could be within yourself, right?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: So so how do we recognize the moment when protection has stopped serving us and started becoming disconnected?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, protection is something which you're trying to escape, right?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: You you're trying to fight with something.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is protection.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when we talk about inspiration, instead of what I don't want, we're protecting from war, politics, whatever, inflation, we're trying to protect ourselves, right?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: We we're thinking about what we don't want.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: But if we start thinking about what we want, what we really want, then this is when our emotional armor kicks in.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And if we align this, what we want with our deeper values, like my highest values is happiness.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And based on this value, I have five other like pillars which this happiness is based.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: When I start asking myself what I want, instead of asking what I don't want, then you can become more resilient, more focused, more like from inside out, not from outside in, if it makes sense.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely does.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I I want to add to that, so because I love what you said, there's a a place, I think it's in Lancaster or something in California, where there's the most accidents of people hitting uh light poles or electrical poles, and it's because there's so many of them going down there.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: What happens is they're the reason they hit them is they're so focused on them, they literally drive into them.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we focus on what you we don't want compared to what we do want, guess what you're gonna get?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna get more of what you don't want.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so I love that you said that.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you will get everything that you think about.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: It does not matter if you want it or not.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you think about happiness and fulfillment and purpose and like the dream of your life, you will get it.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: But if you think about fear, about anger, you will get much more of that.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, and you'll attract more of those people to get too.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because they they feel very comfortable with that.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: So they they automatically attract whether it's good or bad, you attract the same things that you're putting out there.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a true, so true.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: So let's talk about purpose a little bit more since you kind of brought that back up.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you help people who feel lost or stuck, you know, reconnect with purpose, which I think is so important.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you have a how do I want to say this?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: If you have a purpose, you're connected to your gratefulness part of you, right?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: And you can't be upset, pissed off, angry, any of those things when you're grateful.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: You you physically your brain cannot do them both at the same time.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: So, so how do you begin talking about purpose with someone whose immediate goal has simply been to get through the day, just to survive the day?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, survival is uh let's talk a little bit about neuroscience, about survival, right?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a part of the brain, which is ancient brain, and amygdala.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: And when I start working with people, I notice if they are in this fight or flight mode.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Most of them they are, but some of them are more conscious, more in prefrontal cortex.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: So the first session, I never talk about purpose.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: The first one, two, probably first two sessions.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: I ask, what are you grateful for, as you said?
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: What went well?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: What are you proud of?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you love?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And these questions, some some people even start crying when I ask who do you love, who loves you, because they never thought even that there is a lot of people who love them and they're surrounded by love.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: So once I build this prefrontal cortex activity, which can help us to look inside of our soul, only then can you build this bridge, I would say, to understand why you are here.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because most of the answers about love, gratitude, or what makes you happy, they really based on your highest values.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And your highest values is the the base of your mission.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: There is other parts, but values is like the one of the most important things uh which your mission is based on.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: Love that.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I I and I I didn't know you're into neuroscience, so this is even better now.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, a little bit, yes.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, it's fantastic.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: You obviously know the science behind it, which is which is awesome.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, when when somebody knows what they want, right?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes it's let me let me go a different route.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of times people are trying to figure out how they're gonna do something before they really just settle or are excited, I should say, about what they want, right?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: Because then the why comes into play.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: And and that's what really gives us our leverage and gives us our excitement once we have that, you know, why do I really want that?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_02: So let's talk about you, for instance.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you wanted to be an actor, you you moved into this, it was the right move for you.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: You can always go back and do some acting, right?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: So so my question is once you know what you want, how do you use the why to get part of the get past the hardest part that holds most people back?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is such a good question.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because there is uh not enough.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself why once there are several layers.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, usually our brain creates some justification.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I wanted to be an actor, why?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: The first answer would be I want to be famous, right?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: The first answer that I mean, or I want to be like in a good movie, so I want to make money.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is the first.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I I understood that there is from five to seven layers which you have to break through.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, why do you want to become an actor?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be famous.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I want to be famous?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: There is already something, I don't know, because I want to be rich.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you want to be rich?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want to feel comfortable, why do you want to feel comfortable?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like people usually saying something really like four or five answers, you can ignore them, just keep asking why.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: But then something happens, like the sixth, the fifth, sixth, or seventh question gets into the subconscious part, and you're getting the answer which you really need.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where the the huge motivation, inspiration, and energy exist.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I've been living without purpose for 31 years, and I was empty inside, and I remember that feeling of emptiness, and now I understand what makes me happy, what fulfills me.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I will never come back to that moment where where I don't help people to find their mission because I don't want to feel empty.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: So usually there is two parts of the motivation.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: First is fulfilling your purpose, and the second is getting out of the place where you were before you realized it.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Usually the the second part is much more motivating because we are trying to fill the voids which we had uh from our childhood until specific age.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: I some people find their mission in 25, I found it in 31.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: So between zero and 31, I had void.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, existential void, I would say existential crisis, and I don't want to come back.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what makes me being motivated every day wake up and help people to get rid of that void.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: If it makes sense.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely makes sense.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: And and thank you.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you brought up the seven levels of why, because it's a big, it's a big thing.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I just want to explain just a little bit more.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: So each time you ask yourself why, you naturally, your brain, your subconscious digs deeper.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: And by the time you hit, like you said, five, it and sometimes it's all the way to seven, it's very rare goes past seven if you're honest with yourself, to really find the real answer.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: And when you connect with that, yeah, I mean, I'm just gonna say, let's talk about neuroencoding or brain science for a minute, but celebrate it.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: Pat yourself on the back, turn on some music, but because it takes you out of that.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: That emotional element a little bit, which is a good thing, but you don't want to stay there.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it will actually have your brain look for that even more so, which is which is fantastic when you release all those amazing cocktails, hormone cocktails, and yeah from your brain.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: So yes, always remember to smile because it automatically releases that.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_02: But but move your body and celebrate when you're doing these things because it feels better.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: And again, your brain is then looking for it even more so in the future.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: It creates new neural pathways and/or strengthens them.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that you brought up the seven wise man.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: So that's what I'm just and you have to be honest with that.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh some people just trying to answer these questions just for answer.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: But if you try to ask yourself, being on your own, put some music, meditative music, and just really being honest with yourself, uh, you can discover so many wonderful things.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, absolutely love that.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to I we're we're got about seven minutes left or so.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: So I just want to go through a couple of other things.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: So emotional armor.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: How do we know we're actually carrying emotional armor?
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_02: And even more so, what's something that you teach your clients to break free of the emotional armor?
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: Because let's let's sometimes people call them masks, emotional armor is the same thing.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_02: We're putting on another another face to protect ourselves, right?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: But how do we break free of that?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: Or how do we realize we're there?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then how do we break free of it to let things like love and possibilities of life really the driving in?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Very good question.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: So this emotional armor is more focused for therapists, therapists, masks, but we have in coaching, we have coaching behavioral therapy.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: There is a part of my job, which I help people to get rid of those masks.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, and the the the way how we help people to get rid of these masks is first of all to identify them.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: How to identify them is asking a question, does this feel right for you?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes people do something and you ask them, does this behavior feel right for you?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because authenticity is something which we we naturally incite.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like the most authentic expression of ourselves does not have any masks.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Masks we just get um during our life experience because we want to protect, right?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: But the question is, does this feel right for you?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Does this feel does arguing with your partner feels right for you?
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Does uh like revenge feels right for you?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: And once people understand that this, yes, I don't like this kind of behavior.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you do this?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: And when did you start doing this?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because everything we do, which is not us, we got from the past, from traumas, from some moments when when we were uh traumatized.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: And once you get to that point, there is a special technique.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: For example, if the person was abused in childhood, right?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: You get adult version of themselves, and going back to the child, and they asking them what are you missing, what what are you lacking from the child?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the child answers, I'm lacking protection or understanding or love or care or something.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: How can you give this version of you?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: How can you give this to this child?
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: And do you have this now?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is a very important question because people are frozen from the past and they don't realize that they have a lot of love right now, even though they did not have that love or support in the childhood, which was the reason of the trauma.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And once they understood that they have this love, care or friendship or whatever, and they can give to this child and take it with them to nowadays, they they let go of this mask, they don't uh no longer freezing in that time in the past.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, absolutely love that, man.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: I honestly we have some more time, but it's like a mic drop right there.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that was you nailed it.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_02: I do want to ask one more question that kind of goes with this, and then we'll we'll wrap up.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: So when you're dealing with something trauma or whatever the case may be, or just something painful in life, you know, how do we find meaning in something painful without romanticizing the pain or telling ourselves that the trauma had to happen for a reason?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I'm gonna add something before you answer this is because when we stay focused on that and not finding uh something good that came out of something negative, we stay stuck there generally, or we don't forgive somebody or whatever it is.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: And generally you can look back in your life 10 years, and you can look at these three or 50 years or whatever, but you always can look back and find something good that did happen and change that trauma into a strength, if you will.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: So I just wanted to drop that in there really quick.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: So, again, how do we find meaning in something painful, which is what I was just talking about, without romanticizing the pain?
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: Because that goes into secondary gain.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: We're telling ourselves that trauma had to happen for a reason.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Such a wonderful question.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I would, if we have a lot of time, I would be make it much bigger answer, but I'll try to be concise.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: So the first thing is to understand that whatever happens in the past, it's not just pain, it is also something very useful because nothing is bad in the world, nothing is bad unless we call it bad.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Every single uh situation, person, or something is having a balance of good and bad.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing is how we look at it, and every single trauma, every single past event has both equally equally balanced good and bad things.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing is which we romanticizing this pain is we're looking at oh, this event is bad.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: And once myself, I looked back in my traumas and I found exactly the list of positive impacts on my life, which is equal to the negative impacts which I was thinking, this trauma no longer trauma, it's just uh neutral event.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: So the first thing is to understand that this is balanced, this situation is not bad, it's not good, it's just as it is, and this is only the way how we look at it.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if we want to release that trauma, if we want to use something really important from that moment and make it as a lesson, we just have to understand that it's balanced and write down the points which helped us.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: And myself, I I really based on my traumas, I wouldn't be myself.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: My trauma helped me to become better.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right, absolutely.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, again, I you know, I'm not we don't have time for this either, but you know, all the stuff that's happened in life, it it's really happening for you if you put it in that right perspective, right?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I'd love what you said.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so Eugene, for everyone listening who connects with your message and wants help finding greater clarity, purpose, or direction, what's the best way for them to reach out to you and learn more about your coach?
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm most active in Instagram and it's uh E-U-G-E-N-E Y-E Y-E S-K-O-V.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is my nickname in Instagram.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: Follow me, and I will be sharing, I will be helping people to find their mission even without coming to the session.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: So if you try to take some videos and act on the videos, which and apply advice on that, you can find your purpose for sure.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: Love it, absolutely love it.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: So, as we know, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings, we don't get it back.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: Eugene, thank you for spending this moment in time to help our mission and really make a difference.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Mike.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was a pleasure, and your questions are so deep.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: I learned so much from from the this conversation.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, everybody who is watching too.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, thank you very much.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if something in today's conversation resonated with you, don't just move on to the next thing.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: Sit with it for a minute.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_02: There's a reason why you got goosebumps, or or you said, huh, that's interesting.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_02: There's a reason why.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: So just sit with it a minute and lean into it a little bit.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_02: And if you know someone who needs to hear this, share this episode with them.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: You can also join us at your thoughtsyourreality.com where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and affordable growth.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: And remember, your thoughts shape reality.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_02: We're out of here.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts Your Reality Podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: We hope the conversation sparks some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPorformance Strategies.com.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, your thoughts take your reality, so make them happy.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: Catch you on the next episode.