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In Our Elements: Living, Not Just Existing · Self-Schooled

• Heather DiNino (she/they): Welcome back to Self Schooled. I'm Heather. Last week I sat down with Robin, an educator and assistant director at Elements Academy, the nonprofit micro school I founded. And in part one of our conversation, we talked about child-led learning and what happens when we give kids the freedom to follow their interests and make choices and show us who they really are. And today, in part two, we're taking that conversation out into the world. So, what happens when we move beyond the classroom and experience life alongside the kids? The unexpected Learning, the connections, the surprises, and all the things that we discover about the children that we might not have seen otherwise if we were staying indoors in a traditional school building. As a parent, this conversation really reminded me of something important. Our kids are not just preparing for life someday, like later. They're living now. And one of the things Robin and I have been reflecting on is how the kids have been showing us what they need. And that's led us to make some pretty big changes to the way we spend our days. So that's where we're picking up our conversation today. Enjoy. So in the in the way of it being so child led, we were Seeing these changes slowly but surely as we went through the last few years, that we were like, hello, no-brainer. Like, this is what they're showing us. They've all like reached that point where they are like showing us that next thing, and we're like, Well, well, well, yeah, they were showing us transitions, like we're tricky, yeah, from home to school. Yeah, that five days is exhausting. It's exhausting, and it's not because they're they're here the same amount of hours, it's that that's Like the settling, the transitionity, yeah. Like it it is, and I mean, I learned that even myself so the longer days definitely help having fewer transitions and longer days so that we can spend a longer time where wherever we go. And it opens up being able to go to places we always wanted to go to I mean today we went to the orchards An hour north. It's the one with the ropes course. It's awesome. They're gonna love it. It's gonna be so cool. It's a little bit of a hike, but it was a Life-changing day. my gosh, I know it was like that this one day, and the kids on the ride home, which like were in different cars, obviously, because we're both driving. The kids on the ride home were like, What did you learn today? What you know? Because like that's what parents are always like, So what'd you learn today? How was your day? Right? So they're What'd you learn today? And the kids just start rattling off like all these things. I'm like, my gosh, like we you would look at it from the outside thinking like they played all day, like they were on a ropes course and And they were on a big like jumping trampoline thing, like a big pillow. And we did the corn maze like all these fun things, a super fun, fun fall day. But they learned so much that I was like, wow, they're they're actually Getting it. I mean, even the student knowing like we have the different wallets, and the one student being like, I'm doing two separate transactions and I'm counting the cash and I'm gonna do this in the way, like just to think like I wouldn't even have thought to do two separate transactions to keep the money straight for the two different like student wallets. Like I was like, You genius. Yeah. You're just like that's the life skill that you are that all of back to the people getting straight A's or four point or three point eight GPA, whatever. Where are they? applying the skills. Where are the opportunities for them to go into the real world doing all these things that they've gotten A's on? Amazing. Like, like these are things like people are like doing things and I'm not even realize real yeah how smart it is that they're doing that. being comfortable with all different types of people, which would have been Yep. I would say one of our potential pain points of being a micro school is like not having socialization as at to like different types of people or like exposure or whatever. they're getting exposure. they're getting exposure. And it's not to 20 people that live in their neighborhood that are the born in the same calendar year. Yeah. Or they're like getting a exposure age. They're multiple. Yeah. Not knowing how to encounter or like if if an interaction goes haywire or which it does. Let's be really clear. Like there are a lot of social stories where the guidance going back and being like, let's talk through what happened. Yeah. Not in the support. Well processing later, like in the moment. Sometimes everyone's different. You know, I can think of a couple times like at Castle Island where we would have to jump in and kind of help them work through, but like helping in that real time gave them the support they needed and allowed that situation to resolve in a way that didn't feel as icky. More positive maybe coming away with a more positive understanding of it. Yeah. I like how many moments we've been like, thank god we're doing this. Like this this is the right this was the right decision. Yeah, it was the right leap of faith. Yeah. So say more about that. Like, how do we know this is working? How do we know this is like, that's a good idea. We needed to do this. Just the energy shift. I I don't I know that that's not quite so specific. I'm like, I just feel it. but like I can I can feel the energy shift. in the kids for the better that they're also just accustomed to open endings more. If that makes sense. I think the because we're doing it so often, there's almost no way for them to get like too anxious about it going to a new place. Like I it's I there's they used to have anxiety for days about going places. And now that it's just like we go, we go, they know it's almost like the routine is we're going to have something unexpected. Like we can't plan for how it's gonna go. You've never been there. Like it is going to happen and it's gonna be what it's gonna be. Like they're just more like accepting of they're more potentially being flexible. Yeah, like they're instead of us like thinking they're being flexible. Yeah. Then you know, like it it still had to be kind of planned. And now our previewing looks like Drawing stick figures on the board of being like, I think we're gonna go here, but none of us have been there before. So, like, this is yeah, what we might see. It also is like such an important thing, at least for like I don't know if it's as important now, but I think it's important. like going places and you don't know. we're having a lot of experiences. That we wouldn't have had otherwise. Yeah. And I'm really grateful for that as a parent whose kids obviously go here, right? Like there's so much of me that could look at it from like the director, the founder, the educator perspective. And I I do, I often do. But I feel like in this conversation especially, I've been able to reflect as a parent of like two kids who for very different reasons don't always feel adventurous in their experiences. If they if if they're if they're given a choice, they might opt out. They might not even know those experiences are accessible to them. They might not want to go if it's just me going and they're going with their sibling and they're you know, like whatever. Yeah. It's different when we get to go as a school group, even though like their mom's still the one taking them and we're you know, like they're still with their sibling. It's just different. It's a different vibe when they get To go with a school group, and it's a it's a school thing to do. And I'm watching my younger one especially, like, and he's having hard times. And then moving on. And also having like beautiful times. Yes. Right. Like changing moments. Wow. Like, I'm so grateful that. He's able to have these experiences that he wouldn't otherwise have. And like this he is living life. Like I can say my kids are living life. They're not existing. They're not being dragged through it. They're not being forced through it or fed through like a factory line. Like they're actually it's exp and I feel like I am too. Yeah. But for me to be able to also feel like I'm Living and seeing some really cool places around us. Well I'd say too, back to the question of like what makes working here different or what makes elements different from another school is like yeah, I'm living. Yeah. I'm ex I'm actually I'm experiencing. Yeah. Like I'm experiencing life, the world around me. I'm experiencing the leaves blowing in the wind and the sunlight. Like I just like that was such a beautiful moment. Like the bring Branches of the tree, like create that if we tried. I just like, but that isn't gonna happen on our field. Not that like the leaves don't do beautiful things on the field and it's sunny and it's lovely, and we're outside, and fresh air is so important, and playing is important, but like it's just it hits different, and also that like the kids notice that. Like to me, it's like it's like the meeting in between, right? I'm honing in on my my inner child's, like, yeah, that's That's it. And then their like inner child but also like wise like beyond their year sensitivity and like, you know, intuition of the world is hitting on that. The old so you know what I mean? just at the beauty around them, like that longing for life. And they are like living that and we are just like it's just like a breath of like fresh air. Fresh air. Because I mean even when even when we're inside. but like it's just putting us out of our patterns and our habits and shaking it up to like where we're trying different things. I mean, like me playing as that dinosaur imaginary friend monster thing we did at the I almost peed my pants wildlife so hard. Like I don't know why I started doing that. I don't either there was like some incredible thing in the world. Something just like overtook me and we were just like all playing they were just so into it in whatever way and the way that they were playing playing was like absolute stillness to so that I wouldn't like find them as I walk through them all. Also what I hear you saying and I know this is my baggage from teaching in public school school, but when you tell a kid to be still and they're not meant to be still, it has a really negative connotation. Like they interpret being still as a bad thing. Yes. And like this experience that you provided them with, they thought being still was the coolest thing. And I just feel like there are so many Like moments we find like that in in the outings where that are not planned. yeah. Right? We didn't plan it wasn't a lesson plan to pretend to be a dinosaur. No. and and to have the kids respond in a certain way, right? Like it was organic. And we are, you know, putting lots of things in our in our gratitude jar. But it's unplanned. Like a lot of what we're experiencing is is unplanned. You can't lessen plan. Yeah. For life. Even the books that we encounter. Like Yeah. You know, you That's my favorite part. You can learn all you want in the science class, right? And we have like they're supplementing real life learning with like the books that they're reading, the documents, their documentaries they've seen and like all that stuff and lesson and projects and things. But then when you get out there in the real world and you just encounter all these different things, like wow. And I also think like so interested in it. Even every time we drive through Boston and they're noticing different buildings or different like statues. We talked about doing like a statue drive to find different statues. Like what warranted this? When is this? And they don't want to like when was it who and why? Right. What'd they do to get a statue? Yep. Right. And then some And my question is usually like who decided who gets a statue? Yep. Right. but they're noticing different things. And I love that because I want to have pride, like I wanna. take them around the world. Yeah. But we also have to like start with our own backyard. And we live in a really cool area. yeah. That we can see at this time of year. The wind blows and leaves that are coming down that are starting to change color. All this cool stuff. We have a ton of history around us that the kids are starting to ask questions about. So it's really cool to like connect deeply to what is really right in front of us. Yeah. And you can't learn from inside A building. Yeah, and they're taking things that they have learned, connecting it in real life too, and like that light bulb. it's just like the most brilliant thing to see. And what a parent said today that really stuck with me was that their kid is talking a lot more. about what they're doing, which is like Yeah. So cool. Just all these really natural experiences. Curiosity is the thing that like you can feed and never satiate. part of like our, you know, three tenets or pillars of like our values are Curiosity is one of them. Yeah. It drives so much of what we do. It's everything. And like the curiosity is all from the children. And some of it sometimes like the curious curiosity does come from us. Yeah. And then we're like, I wonder if and then the kids are like, it's da da da and they answer our questions for us, like, it's I thought it was that way because and then and then another kid says, Well, I thought it was that way because and then you're like, so many pieces to the puzzle. Why don't we go find out? Well, I was just gonna say, like I Let's pop in the car. Every time we're in the car though, I have a list of things that I'm supposed to go back and research because of the conversations that come up. So we started talking about like we were going through a lot of tunnels today and the kids want to know how deep the tunnels are and how are the tunnels dug and how and all this like really interesting questions that I'm like, I don't know, Is it like they're having all these questions and the more questions lead to more questions? Yeah. So so elements, curiosity, creativity, connection. Do you think outings are helping the kids be more curious? Totally. More creative? Definitely. More connected. Ugh. Of course. Like do you think that one almost more than any. Right? Well, I mean like I would think it would be curiosity, but the way the connection to just like everything, every asset of like life, the people they're with, the, you know, roads they're traveling, the destinations they're reaching, the people they're meeting or viewing or s observing, interacting with, the things that they are, you know. getting to try or choosing not to try. Is like they are connected to themselves in that moment, knowing, yeah, I'm gonna listen to my body and that's not a choice for me. Yep. That is an interconnectedness or that looked really cool. Like I'm gonna give it a shot. Maybe it won't go well. We'll find out. That's like connecting to the environment and to their like being brave, like or trying something. And I will say like as much as I mean we've had difficult times for sure and we've had a lot of things like unpredictable things just come up, right? But we've met the coolest people out and about. Like I feel like we've had so many more positive experiences. Agreed. And that is really nice too. I mean it's to be able to surrender because I feel like the kids are hearing a lot of stuff that the world is a scary place. Yeah. Yeah. And they're and it's just like maybe and for sure. And also like the people that we're meeting, complete strangers that we're meeting. Yeah. That are so kind. Yeah. And that immediately feel safe within obviously a safe group. Like, that's been really cool. Like, I'm thinking in the corn maze, that couple that was like, We're lost too. my gosh, they were so nice. So nice. They were like, wait, let me go here. We tried going there. We answered the question. We got back here. Like, it's not working. And I was like, I was like, I don't want to move into this corn maze. And they like, Yeah, no, we don't I don't even think we should go in. And I'm like, But I just love that like so many of their experiences and and sometimes kids come to us having had been in a traditional setting that didn't work and had some negative experiences with people with kids whatever having kind of like I'm not good with people in our monologue right and now they're actually like wait I can be good with people I just need people that are like kind and like yeah nice and get me and are open and that's really cool. Yeah. What the I asked curiosity, creativity, connection. And the other thing I wanted to ask, which I think I already know the answer to, is do outings help you get to know the kids better? completely. And do outings have outings helped you get to know yourself better? Yeah, I mean I think I'm loving going on outings personally. I mean the ADHD in me is always up for an adventure. Like I'm just someone who's always like, Yeah, I wanna ooh yeah, that's enticing. Ooh, yeah. and like I'm also just a curious I'm a curious person. Like I've I'm a lifelong learner. I think in terms of like relating and like connecting to the kids and seeing them, I think I said earlier too, like the different layers that were just like peeling back on them is just stuff that I would have never even. thought because we didn't have an opportunity to be in an environment like that. I mean like kids who traditionally like would outside time's not their preferred activity. And they are jumping and thriving and w not wanting to stop swimming. Or or or like thriving outside. Not wanting to leave when we've just spent a whole day outside. Yeah. Rolling down hills, you know, looking out over the ocean. Like trying to figure out what bug just flew by them. Choosing to go on a trail walk when like they, you know, previous years have been like I don't know how long is the walk gonna be. Yeah. Like, you know, I have to go on a walk. Yeah. Sometimes. So I don't like going out. But then like it's just becoming So different. So different. And I can't even quite put my finger on exactly what it is, you know, but that I think the outings are Providing all of these opportunities. Yep. In in different t categories for them. It's helped me see and understand more patterns in the kids that like you can see a certain kid function in a way here and then function in a different way in different environments. And then you start putting pieces together where you're you're like, the c you know, going outside is their least preferred time of day, but then they want to be outside all day. So you're like, okay like it makes you question, yeah, okay. Which part is that story then that we were telling ourselves about that kid not liking outside. That's not true. Yeah. They just didn't like that per like what was it about. And being curious about like I wonder why they weren't right there for that thing versus And now they love this thing. Maybe it wasn't outside. Exactly. It was a social dynamic happening outside. It was a the time of day feeling rushed after lunch or feeling who knows? Not having the thing they had associated with outside not being able to happen because everyone wants to play different games. So now well we all outside I know they're gonna play that game and they're never gonna do the thing I wanna do. Yep. Like when I don't know how to ask, or I'm afraid to ask, or I just don't want my hopes to get my hopes up, and so I'm not gonna ask because it's easier to like settle into just knowing it's not gonna happen than the potential failure of asking and it getting shut down and that emotional. Yeah, you know. And that's like the inside the box that kids get put into a lot. Yeah. Is like that that label or that box of of like they don't like that or they are like this or they are this way. Or like just kind of overgeneralizing. And I think that is we're just getting such a more dynamic view of like all these different layers where you you just can't blanket statement a kid. They're just more complex than that. Totally. And they're just cooler than that. and that takes a lot of trust that luckily we have in each other, the parents, the kids, like the whole thing. And that we have in the kids to have this opportunity to to try this cool thing. Like and see where it takes us. That is like a big part of it is us trusting them to like take what we have been, you know, gathering up all these little tidbits over the years And putting them into action and that when we go out and something doesn't go a hundred percent the way we thought or like you know there's a misstep that like we trust them to hear us out on our feedback in a way to make it better for next time and how to like adjust your like perspective of What happens when you go out? And so like letting like trusting them that like they're gonna like put their best foot forward next time and we're gonna like all try to take that nugget of what happened and like learn from it. Stay curious about why did that happen. I'm also I'm just thinking of like when we when we drew out how like there is a flow to where people walk. That like you always walk to the right. Yeah. Because if everyone's always like going. to the right then there's space for other people and their mind was blown. Yeah. And they were just like what? And that's stuff like the outings are revealing like these Areas of growth and like just completely missing puzzle pieces. That we would have never even known because like to us it's common sense. Yeah. And that's why you gotta stay curious, my friends. Because you just never know. Ever. Ever. And common sense is so Everyone could be thinking Yeah, I mean everyone could be thinking something different. Like even I'm thinking in schools when they're doing like straight lines and and walking quiet and it's like I know teachers, I've heard teachers explain why to kids. Like I've I've heard it explained hundred probably hundreds of times. Like why it's, you know, respectful and being quiet and being still and being in a line and why you know, with that many kids there has to be some sort of order. And I have seen kids truly truly, truly not understand. Well also those teachers aren't given any time to really like get into the meat of it. They're just like reciting a script and respectful blah blah blah blah. Because there's forty kids and they have to say it and they have to get them in line. And the only the easiest way to the outcome is coerce and force and like get in the line. Yeah, extrinsic. And also the reality is just the answer is like, well, I have twenty five of you and there's one of me. So like you have to just walk in line because I have to get you from here to there without losing anyone, right? Like I don't have the privilege. The ratio is just not friendly. Explain why we walk on this side and why. Why we have to be quiet when we pass that. Because actually, like that's the nurse's office's back wall, and like there's probably a kid in there sleeping. So we don't want to go running by and yelling and like. They're actually probably in the nurse's office because they're avoiding class. Yeah. Uh-huh. And they have no and like, but they like they just don't get that like nuance life. We're like here. And then they don't get to help it in real time. Yeah. The way we can be like, okay, see, like that was a moment where like you went to the side and then that stroller had space to walk by. Like that's a that's a real in in the moment teaching. I think that real life learning is what this conversation keeps coming back to. There are so many things that we can't plan for, we can't teach in advance, and we don't even know if our kids are capable of it until we give them opportunities to experience them. I keep thinking about my own kids and how grateful I am that they're getting to experience so much of life right now. Not just learning about it and not preparing for it, they're actually living in it. And honestly, I think that's something we all deserve. Not just our kids, ourselves too. So maybe that's something to think about this week. Where could you make a little more room for living? Maybe trying something new, following someone's curiosity, or just experiencing something together. Thanks for being here. I'll see you next time on Self Schooled.