Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 158: How to Know if it's a Setback or a Life Transition

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158: How to Know if it's a Setback or a Life Transition · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:21
  My name is MaryAnn Walker.
• 0:23
  You are watching and listening to the inner work with MaryAnn Walker Podcast, where we explore what does it mean to show up for yourself, to trust your intuition and navigate life with grace, even when it feels messy.
• 0:33
  And for those of you watching on YouTube, you're getting really raw and real maryAnn, I haven't done my makeup yet.
• 0:38
  My hair's a little bit crazy because I've been out walking in the snow.
• 0:41
  Yes, walking in the snow.
• 0:43
  We're gonna get into that in just a minute.
• 0:45
  Um, but yeah, I just really wanted to get on here and share some messaging around life transitions with you.
• 0:51
  As I was walking in the snow in late April, I was realizing that, you know, I was feeling a little bit discouraged.
• 0:57
  I've already planted my seeds, I've packed up my winter gear.
• 1:00
  I thought that my optimism would win over mother nature and that it would just get progressively warmer until summer was finally here.
• 1:10
  But as evidenced by the snow, that's not what happened.
• 1:14
  And it got me thinking about life transitions because what is spring and what is fall?
• 1:18
  But it's a transition time between the seasons.
• 1:22
  So spring is the transition between winter and summer, which means some days it's gonna feel more like winter, and some days it's gonna feel more like summer.
• 1:30
  But summer is coming.
• 1:33
  And as we keep that in mind with our personal life transitions, it can help us to be a bit more calm and a bit more focused and significantly less discouraged.
• 1:43
  Now when I looked out at my garden, I could see that, you know, my daffodils have already come up.
• 1:47
  I've got some beautiful grape hyacinth coming up.
• 1:49
  There's a lot of plants that have already come up, and it was kind of discouraging to see them covered up by the snow.
• 1:56
  But as I looked closer, they kind of liked it.
• 1:58
  They looked really cute and their snowy coats and I think that sometimes we get it in our head that when snow happens, it's going to negate all of the growth that's already happened, and that's why we're really feeling discouraged.
• 2:10
  We're really feeling like, no, but this shouldn't be happening.
• 2:13
  And when we're resisting it, that's when we're getting a lot more uncomfortable.
• 2:17
  And I had to remind myself that no, all of the flowers that are popping up right now are ones that are actually made to endure this season.
• 2:24
  It's going to be okay.
• 2:26
  And the snow doesn't mean that the growth hasn't happened.
• 2:29
  That growth has already happened and it's going to be okay.
• 2:34
  And life transitions can be a lot like that.
• 2:36
  The old season is over.
• 2:38
  You've already made the changes.
• 2:40
  You want to feel freedom and the joy of your new life, but sometimes then a cold front will come in.
• 2:45
  Something that feels a whole lot like a setback.
• 2:48
  For example, I'm not going to be gardening and raking today.
• 2:52
  I might in fact be shoveling.
• 2:53
  We'll have to see.
• 2:54
  Hopefully we don't get enough I have to shovel.
• 2:55
  I think it should melt quick enough, but we really don't know, right?
• 2:59
  So it might kind of be a little bit of a detour of plans or rather a delaying of plans temporarily.
• 3:05
  But it doesn't mean that you're not making progress.
• 3:08
  It doesn't mean that you're going backwards.
• 3:10
  That discomfort.
• 3:11
  It doesn't mean that you haven't grown.
• 3:13
  It doesn't mean that you are not ready, and it definitely does not mean that summer isn't coming.
• 3:19
  So I wanna share with you a few examples of life transitions to just kind of illustrate a little bit that it can be uncomfortable and that that's okay.
• 3:27
  That that's what it looks like as we transition into a new season, that it's not always linear, but that doesn't mean we're not experiencing growth.
• 3:36
  So my first example is divorce.
• 3:38
  Divorce is a powerful transition, and whether the decision was yours, theirs, or a mutual decision, it is the ending of a chapter where you once saw yourself as part of a unit.
• 3:48
  And when that identity falls away, it can feel like you're being dropped into winter without a coat.
• 3:54
  You might even wonder, well, who am I now?
• 3:56
  What does my life look like without this relationship?
• 3:59
  Is there life and love after this?
• 4:02
  And maybe just as you're starting to feel free, maybe even hopeful, then there's a spring snow.
• 4:07
  Maybe it shows up in the form of a memory, a wave of loneliness, an awkward conversation with some mutual friends of your previous relationship.
• 4:15
  Maybe it's a bank account reminder or a really discouraging date as you're stepping back into the world of being single, but something makes you feel like you've maybe slid backwards.
• 4:25
  But you haven't.
• 4:27
  This transition, while it can sometimes feel cold and unfamiliar, it is creating space for something beautiful.
• 4:33
  It's creating space for rediscovering self.
• 4:37
  And yeah, it's messy, it's real, but it's also incredibly empowering because this is your chance to figure out who you are apart from anyone else, and that's a sacred work.
• 4:51
  Another common transition is shifting career paths.
• 4:54
  So whether it's starting your own business, returning to work after a long break, or stepping into a completely new industry, it can feel like you're stepping into a whole new identity and it can feel a little bit jarring at times.
• 5:05
  You might feel excited one day and then completely insecure the next day.
• 5:09
  Maybe you've been successful in one area of your life for years.
• 5:12
  And feeling like a beginner.
• 5:14
  Again, it doesn't always feel good.
• 5:16
  You prefer to feel like an expert, and that's totally human.
• 5:20
  And also feeling a little bit insecure as you're learning new things, it doesn't erase the growth that is already happening for you.
• 5:27
  Your discomfort does not mean that you are not capable.
• 5:31
  You are not starting from scratch.
• 5:34
  Your brain is going to want to tell you that you are now starting from scratch because you had a little snow in April, right?
• 5:39
  That's not true.
• 5:40
  Don't believe everything you think.
• 5:41
  It doesn't mean that you're starting from scratch.
• 5:44
  You are in fact starting from experience.
• 5:47
  And while you might occasionally see reminders of who you once were, it doesn't mean that you are the version that you once were.
• 5:55
  It doesn't mean that you're moving backwards.
• 5:57
  It just means that you're seeing things more clearly.
• 6:00
  Now you're seeing your past pitfalls a little bit more clearly so that you don't repeat them, and that's a good thing.
• 6:06
  There is significant beauty in being a beginner and opening yourself up to learning more new things and being brave enough to pivot when you realize that your soul is calling you.
• 6:17
  Elsewhere.
• 6:19
  So now let's talk about another kind of transition, becoming an empty nester.
• 6:23
  Maybe for years your life may have revolved around your kids, their schedules, their needs, their milestones, and then suddenly the house is so quiet and yeah, you're proud of them in their accomplishments.
• 6:35
  You're really happy for them to be stepping into adulthood and finding their own voice and their own independence.
• 6:40
  But occasionally you might find yourself sitting in that silence and thinking, okay, now what?
• 6:47
  Now that my friend is another form of self differentiation.
• 6:52
  It's reclaiming your own identity outside of being mom or dad.
• 6:57
  It's remembering who you are outside of who you've been to others.
• 7:02
  Now, this might mean that you're an empty nester and the children have left.
• 7:04
  But also I work with a lot of caregivers who are caregiving for other adults for maybe their parents, and then that season has changed.
• 7:12
  Maybe they've gone into a care facility, maybe they're no longer here.
• 7:15
  But when you have identified so strongly as the caregiver for so long, it can be hard.
• 7:21
  It can be a interesting transition to navigate into that self differentiation and that, that finding your own identity again.
• 7:30
  And it can feel a bit lonely at first, but it's also a beautiful invitation to reimagine your life, to explore new interests that you maybe weren't able to explore before because you were a caregiver.
• 7:41
  It gives you an opportunity to invest into your own joy.
• 7:46
  You're not losing your role, you are expanding your personal identity.
• 7:52
  So here's the thing that I hope that you'll remember.
• 7:55
  Transitions are not always linear and they're not always clean, right?
• 7:59
  How much mud am I going to be experiencing outside because of this snow, right?
• 8:04
  It can be a little messy, it can be a little bit yucky at times, and it's not always comfortable.
• 8:09
  And so notice, right?
• 8:11
  You might be blossoming in one area while you're simultaneously grieving in another area.
• 8:17
  You might feel so ready for the next chapter, and also you might find yourself crying from time to time over the last season of life.
• 8:26
  That's not weakness, that's transition, and that's you expressing your own humanity.
• 8:33
  So if you were in the middle of a life transition right now and wondering if you've taken a wrong turn because things feel a little bit hard right now, I want you to just pause for a minute.
• 8:41
  Take a deep breath.
• 8:43
  And look at how far you've come.
• 8:45
  Look for that growth.
• 8:47
  Look for those daffodils and grape hyacinths that are popping up because just like spring snow, the discomfort that you're feeling today, it's not erasing your progress.
• 8:55
  It's just a part of the process.
• 8:58
  You are still growing and summer is still coming.
• 9:03
  Now if this episode has resonated with you, I would love for you to think about somebody else who you know who might be experiencing a similar life transition and share this with them.
• 9:12
  Ask them what they have learned on their own personal journey, create that community.
• 9:17
  There is so much to be learned from finding other people that have been on a similar path and learning from their experience.
• 9:23
  And if you're struggling to find someone who has experienced your personal transition or something similar.
• 9:29
  I encourage you to come and work with me.
• 9:31
  Right now I'm offering six week packages where we can work one-on-one with each other around your specific situation.
• 9:37
  And honestly, I think you just might be blown away by how much we can accomplish in just six weeks together.
• 9:43
  So come and work with me.
• 9:44
  Create a community, but find some way to find that support during these seasons of transition.
• 9:51
  Take care of your heart, protect your energy, and trust that your new season is on its way.
• 9:58
  Summer is coming and it just might be closer than you think.
• 10:02
  All right.
• 10:03
  I hope you have a great week and let's talk soon.
• 10:05
  Bye now.