Latest / Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast / Faith Moves: Recognizing the Call to Shift and Obey

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Faith Moves: Recognizing the Call to Shift and Obey · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

0:15
Hey, hey, hey, welcome to Rise and Thrive with Doctor J Nicole.
0:19
I'm your host. Doctor J Nicole.
0:21
Here we are rising in faith and thriving in purpose.
0:25
And today I have a very special guest with me.
0:28
He is an entrepreneur. He has more than 35 years of
0:32
experience. He is a master Barber and he's a
0:36
father. He is the son of God.
0:38
But y'all, he's also my Barber. So this beautiful creation is a
0:41
collaboration between me and him.
0:44
I had the pleasure of first sitting in his chair back in
0:47
2017. He probably thought I was real
0:50
crazy because I was trying to come in a Barber shop with my
0:52
dog when he was a little puppy because people was letting me
0:55
bring Riley everywhere because he was so cute.
0:58
And this man right here was like, that's not hygienic.
1:01
He got to go. I don't care how cute he is, he
1:04
got to go. So that was the start of things.
1:07
And I actually kept your number in my phone and I put it as
1:12
Barbara Vernon intentionally. But before we get into all of
1:15
that, I'd like to formally welcome you to Rise and Thrive
1:18
with Doctor J Nicole, everyone, let's give a warm welcome to
1:22
Vernon Young. Thank.
1:24
You for having. Yes.
1:28
Thank you so much for being here.
1:29
So I kind of got a little excited in the intro there
1:34
talking about how we first met. If y'all know me listeners and
1:40
my family and friends that are also listening, y'all know I
1:42
changed my hair all the time. So I met Vernon in 2017.
1:47
I was doing the asymmetric cut and I had the side shaved and I,
1:51
you know, I was like, yeah, I'm a shave it off.
1:53
I didn't know this man. I researched this man, but I was
1:55
like, I'm a go in here and I'm a get my haircut.
1:58
And I ended up in his chair as God would have it.
2:01
And so I remember at that time, Vernon, I was like, I'm not
2:05
going to remember this man name. So I have to put it in here as
2:09
Barbara Vernon, right? Not knowing that I was leaving a
2:13
clue for future me. OK, Because you remember I text
2:17
you out the blue last summer and I'm like, hey, you still in the
2:20
DMV? You still cutting hair?
2:22
Because I was yes, I was on a divine assignment because guy
2:27
had told me to cut my hair. He had gave me my identity back.
2:30
Divorce was final, all the things.
2:32
And so that meant all of O Jeannie had to go away.
2:35
And so I was like, what is that man's name?
2:39
I had text a couple of people who I know have the, you know,
2:42
good clean cuts. One of them hit me with a
2:44
Barber. Her her services was like 200
2:46
said it's giving spot, but it's not giving spot and I just need
2:49
a good haircut for then I was like you put that man in your
2:54
phone is Barbara Vernon. How I remember that in 2024,
2:58
seven years later. Like I said, I had left a clue
3:02
for future self and so I reached out to you and you were a huge
3:07
part of my transformation. You know God had already been
3:09
doing work internally, but he had gave me a vision that I will
3:13
have a different body be healthier.
3:16
I'd have short hair and it would be blonde and so I found myself
3:20
in your chair immediately at the same day I got divorced.
3:23
So thank you for helping me to be obedient to God and part of
3:29
the transformation cause a lot of people thought I was crazy
3:32
and chopping my hair off that quick, but it's what he told me
3:34
to do. So welcome.
3:37
And I'm glad we could stay connected and that you were
3:40
indeed back. So today's episode we are going
3:44
to be talking about faith moves, right?
3:48
So that intro to what I was on a faith move and Vernon answered
3:52
the call to help me, right? But today is faith moves, how to
3:56
recognize when it's time to shift.
4:00
There are seasons in life when God calls us to move, and that
4:05
move could look very different. So whether it's a career shift,
4:08
a new city change, a relationship, a haircut, but
4:12
stepping it to purpose. But how do you truly know that
4:16
it's time to shift versus it being some discomfort and
4:21
patience rather than like a transition?
4:23
So making faith moves requires both discernment, also some
4:28
courage and even some trust. So in this episode, we're going
4:31
to explore how to recognize when God is calling you to shift, how
4:36
to move in obedience and make things happen as you take both
4:42
steps in faith. All right, Vernon, so or you
4:46
want me to call you V How? How you what?
4:48
How you want me to refer to you today?
4:50
Vernon. OK, got you got you.
4:52
Oh, I forgot something super dope to tell y'all about Vernon.
4:56
He is also a future author. I'm speaking like and other
5:00
people going to hear it. It's out in the universe, it's
5:03
happening. He is also a future author and
5:06
he has a story to tell. So, Vernon, how do you know when
5:12
it's time to shift? Well, as I was raised and as I
5:15
can remember from my aunties, my great aunties and everybody
5:20
being involved with the church and making us go to Sunday
5:22
schools back in the days and stuff like that, where you had
5:25
to go to Sunday school regardless because because
5:28
Sunday school was also before and aftercare.
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So you had no excuse of not going anywhere.
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They've always told me God's going to move on his time.
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Yeah. And he has created every one of
5:40
us uniquely different. So everybody's calling is going
5:46
to be different. Some are going to be
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uncomfortable, some are going to be very clear.
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But you won't start recognizing it until you start accepting.
5:57
And I think accountability has a lot to do with it.
6:01
Because. If sometimes we get caught up in
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what's going on to us around around them situations instead
6:08
of looking at what we're doing to contribute to them things.
6:12
And for me, once I got to a point where I started taking
6:15
steps back and looking at my life and started taking
6:20
accountability and blaming myself for a lot of things.
6:23
Instead of blaming others saying why he keep doing this, why she
6:26
keep doing this. I started looking at myself.
6:28
Why am I putting myself in these situations?
6:30
Why am I around these situations?
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Why am I afraid to move away and stop looking at it?
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I'm hearing accountability rather than blame.
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Yeah, but we grow up with the blame, you know, I got from
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these people because they they don't do nothing but this.
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And judgment. And judgment.
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So once I stopped doing that, and this was part of my growth
6:53
and the more I was searching for a more intimate relationship
6:55
with God, I stopped looking at things as Deja vu and start
6:58
looking at Him as confirmation and visions.
7:01
Oh, talk to me up some more about that.
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That sound real rich. To go into everything that you
7:06
asked, it was more so of Deja vu is something that we created as
7:12
humans by saying this before. OK.
7:15
But then we sit around and say I dreamt that.
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OK. You know, we listen to our to
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our aunties and grandmas and then remember they used to grow
7:23
up and say I dreamed a fish. Somebody pregnant?
7:26
Somebody pregnant, but that was a faith calling for them.
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They always said they were praying people.
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And those are the people that you heard say stuff like that.
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They never called it a Deja vu or you know, this seems familiar
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or anything like that. They always came off as faith
7:43
call us on those things. So once I started calming my
7:46
life down and things started coming to me, I stepped back and
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said, OK, if I'm going to trust God and I'm seeing these
7:55
visions, before I started looking at them as visions and
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was accepting them as deja vu, I used to say, Oh my God, I've
8:02
been here before and I will shift myself away from it
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because I'm already automatically assuming it's
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something bad getting ready to happen.
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So once I started looking at it as visions, I said, OK, God, I'm
8:15
trusting you. Whether it's right or wrong,
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you're going to get something out of it.
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And my move might not be for me. You might need me to be
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somewhere where you need me to be.
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So I started walking into my face and that's when I started
8:31
knowing this is my shift. These are my shifts.
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So if I feel it's a time for me to move somewhere or go
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somewhere, even as much as I don't want to because I'm
8:39
worried, I still go. Obedience.
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That's where the obedience come in that like I said, you know, I
8:50
just started reminiscing about a lot of things and when I, you
8:53
know, the things that you as we grow up, we start hearing things
8:57
or seeing ourselves say things that we grew up around.
9:01
We repeating it, Yeah. You know, and I started looking
9:03
at it like that and I said, OK, I'm going to listen.
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I can't say. I can't say I trust my faith and
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I'm not obedient enough to walk in my faith.
9:13
Oh, that's good. I can't say that I trust my
9:16
faith if I'm not obedient enough to walk in it.
9:19
Walk in my faith. So you know, when you start
9:22
hearing other things, you know, I grew up with, you know, oh,
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God bless me with a car. Oh God bless me with a house.
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Oh, God bless this moon for this and that.
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And I start saying to myself, I'm a pray for what I need and
9:36
when it's time for me, He will give me that path, even if that
9:41
path isn't directly for me. Like I said, you know, sometimes
9:44
you might it's, it's going to be uncomfortable.
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It might be for someone else. But to me, I feel that
9:52
everything in life has a purpose, no matter where, who,
9:56
how or what is a purpose. If you truly believe in your
9:59
faith, then you got to believe. You can't get up and say I'm
10:03
going to let go and let God, I'm going to move when God going to
10:07
move me. But you're still trying to
10:08
control the directions. You can't do that.
10:13
You can't say Jesus take the will, but you don't want to let
10:16
it go. Yeah, but our human nature does
10:18
that to us. So with me it just it comes so
10:22
comfortable now. OK.
10:25
And my comfort is the obedience. Comfort and obedience, That's
10:31
good. Because now I see, like I said,
10:34
bad or good, God is going to get something out of this situation.
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And even if I don't get absolutely nothing out of it, I
10:43
know I'm supposed to be where I am.
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I know, I know I'm supposed to go to where I'm supposed to be.
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For whatever reason it needs me to be.
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Long as I'm still alive, God is using me for something.
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You can't wake up in the morning.
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I wake up every morning and I get on my knees and I pray and I
11:01
thank them. And I started looking at it
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differently and saying, you know what, how can I thank you for
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waking me up this morning? But I won't let you use me.
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So that's when I started doing that.
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My shifts start coming in different ways and I just make
11:15
sure I put God in everything I do, no matter what it is.
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You know, if I go somewhere where I know, oh, it's going to
11:20
be some drama in there, but I go for that moment that I'm there.
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That drama might not be there for that moment that I'm there.
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It might bump into somebody to see me and say let me get out of
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here. You never know what your purpose
11:34
is going to be used. Like you said in the beginning,
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and I told you this when you came, when you came back, that
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you reached for something years ago.
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Like you said, let me put this name in here the way it's need
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to be. You put that in the atmosphere
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not knowing that I had moved and came back in the matter of what,
11:57
4-5 years? Yeah, I had known.
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So no, it was like 7 years. I'm I think the last time you
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might have cut my hair. Oh, I don't know.
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I think it was in 17. Yeah.
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And you on your journey. I'm on my journey.
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I had left too. I had left and was in New York.
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Right, like you said, the divine brings it together.
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Yep, you, you searched and God didn't make it hard for you.
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Nope, you have it. It is right here in your face
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and I'm working on him and y'all need to bump into each other and
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see each other. Yep.
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So that's how I take my shifts. I sit around.
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They call it old school barbering, but I sit around
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because I know this is not a job for me.
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This is my career, OK? This is something God bless me
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with. God bless me to use these hands
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and my eyes and my mind to be able to be an artist.
12:49
To create. And touch.
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And that's a, that's a that used to be a joke in the barbershop.
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We lay hands on people. OK, I had never heard that
12:59
before. And what comes behind that is a
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good haircut makes you feel good.
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Sure does a. Hairdo makes you feel good.
13:07
So if I got the power to put hands on you and send you out
13:09
with good energy and have a good conversation, and just the same
13:14
when we're talking and we bring God in that conversation, he's
13:17
working on both of us at the same time.
13:19
But it it pleases me more than just giving you a haircut, but
13:23
to see you walk out feeling different and seeing your walk
13:26
different when you walk out that door then you came in.
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You be paying way more attention probably than people realize.
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Yeah, I do it. You know, I got to know when God
13:36
need me. Yeah.
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I got to know my opportunities to to know when I need someone
13:44
because you never know vice versa.
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Like I said, God put me in a place to be, but you walking in
13:52
there never know what I'm going through.
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Your energy might collide with minds.
13:58
Some you know, toxic and toxic mix.
14:01
People say it don't, but it does.
14:04
It just doesn't turn into nothing.
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It just turns into more mess. It's still a mix.
14:09
Toxic is still toxic. Right, but you can also pour it
14:13
out. OK.
14:15
Clean it up or some pure into it and watch that light.
14:20
The color clear is real bright. So when I look at things like
14:24
that, like I told you, you told me about your journey.
14:29
He told me what you were seeking as far as your career and
14:32
everything. I told you, I said I'm so glad
14:36
God brought us back together because He talked to me
14:39
physically and no matter what you were going through, I needed
14:43
to see that energy. That was another shift for me
14:48
because like I said, you never know what's going on in my mind.
14:50
My business gets slow. I could have been sitting there
14:52
stressing about money, customers, what am I going to do
14:55
next? The generation has changed in my
14:58
industry. I've been doing this 35 years,
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so I've seen it go here, here, go away.
15:06
I've retired twice. OK, Michael Jordan.
15:10
Hey, once again, I know my calling, I know my shifts.
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The first time I retired I used to get angry and not consider
15:19
myself as a Barber. Not a Barber, not a Barber.
15:22
I hate when people call me a Barber.
15:23
I'm not a Barber. I just cut hands to side hustle.
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OK, you really wasn't feeling it?
15:28
I did, but once I sat still. Why do you keep going back to
15:34
it? Because you weren't a Barber
15:35
though, so you weren't wrong. And what you were saying, it's
15:39
almost giving healer. If we're thinking about this
15:42
from the perspective of spiritual gifts, as they talk
15:45
about it in that First Corinthians 12, look, I'll pull
15:50
up the scripture, I'll find it. But all the different spiritual
15:53
gifts, we all have them, right? But how they're used is it's
15:58
very different for everyone. But that's what obedience come
16:01
from. Because if you don't, if I
16:04
didn't, if I wasn't obedient to my faith, I would never
16:11
recognize that I keep going back to the same thing.
16:15
It's a reason. Yeah, yeah, God.
16:18
Bless me with a talent. It's a reason I'm getting added
16:23
into people's families from my occupation.
16:26
There's a reason all of those things that I just said were
16:30
things that I was missing in my own life.
16:32
The way that he be filling in the gaps in them and we don't
16:35
even know what's happening. So I just looked at everything
16:39
as a reason. So those are the shifts.
16:43
God, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?
16:46
I love the way you're posed right now because that
16:48
symbolizes to me, taking your hands off of it.
16:51
It symbolizes surrender, letting God have his way.
16:55
You got to what do you What am I supposed to do?
16:58
Not what you want me to do. What am I supposed to do?
17:03
And once I did that, I go to work and everything comes clear.
17:07
This is what This is where I need you.
17:09
Yeah. Because I need you to see things
17:13
and I need you to give things. But also, who doesn't come into
17:16
the Barber shop? I don't know a segment of people
17:19
who are exempt from going to the Barber.
17:22
We get them all shapes, sizes. That's a real nice mug you got,
17:26
Let me see that. Yes, thank you.
17:27
Thank. You.
17:29
Oh, it says rise and thrive with Doctor J Deco.
17:32
But yeah, everybody needs a good haircut.
17:36
Yes. Yeah.
17:37
And you're seeing people from all walks of life, even just
17:40
sitting in the Barber shop. There's such a diversity in
17:43
people who are the barbers, their customers, the people who
17:46
are just walking in who maybe don't know.
17:49
And they're like, I need a haircut.
17:50
Something's moving them to go into, come into the shop.
17:53
Like, you just never know. So, oh, go ahead.
17:56
No, no, go. No.
17:58
I was going to ask another question, but I think you had
18:00
somewhere to go. What tell me about some of the
18:03
times where you actually recognize some of those signs
18:07
Where there there were spiritual, circumstantial,
18:10
emotional that said it was time to change.
18:13
It was time to shift. What were some of those signs
18:15
you experienced? Back in I want to say 2005,
18:23
2000. OK.
18:27
I moved to New Jersey and I always called it, that's where
18:31
I'm from Jersey, from Jersey, but I was born in DC OK, OK.
18:37
Every time I had an issue, I would go back to Jersey.
18:41
And it used to be a joke for so many years.
18:45
Well, you know where your, you know where your, your, your
18:47
safety blanket is. Because I will get so angry with
18:52
my with my word, that I will shut everything down.
18:57
And I would just look at myself, even in prayer, praying, angry.
19:05
But praying nonetheless. But nonetheless, I don't want
19:09
this. God, I don't know what I did.
19:11
I need to start all over running Jersey.
19:15
But she was telling God what you needed to do.
19:17
Exactly. But what God was doing was show
19:21
me my strength, no punishment. I'm going to let you keep
19:25
banging your head on that wall because you're not going to hurt
19:28
yourself, but you're going to sooner or later realize
19:32
everything that you want and need.
19:34
You pushing into the wall. It wasn't standing in front of
19:38
me. You're pushing it into the wall.
19:40
And it took me a few years to realize when that was coming in
19:45
my ears that way was standing when I was pushing into the wall
19:49
was me. I was doing it to myself.
19:53
So I said OK, let me stop, let me do what I need to do, where I
19:58
want to be, where I want to go, this and that, because you have
20:01
opened up all these doors for me, but all I keep doing is
20:05
peeking at. Least you were curious, but it
20:07
was for you to step into. It was your door with your name
20:11
on it. Yes, and it's giving.
20:13
You didn't know if you belonged or if you were afraid of what
20:16
was in the door or yeah. All of the above.
20:21
So as my friends going home, my comfort zone, as they used to
20:25
say to me, you know where to run to.
20:29
You're a runner. He's a runner, he's a track
20:32
star. I.
20:33
Had to catch myself. Hold on.
20:35
Now I don't run from nothing. I started looking at everything
20:39
around me. One thing that used to keep me
20:42
from and it was kind of depressing to me and I had to
20:45
take it that way and I had to make myself be angry about it
20:50
for my loved ones up in Jersey, I used to tell people I can
20:56
write down 5 names, get in the car right now and take you to
21:00
exactly where everybody's at. That was letting me know if I
21:03
stayed up there nothing would change.
21:06
OK. Nothing has changed.
21:08
We've gotten older but we still doing the same things.
21:15
What I'm hearing is if there is comfort and predictability and
21:20
if you had gotten to the point where you needed to shut down,
21:24
you're going back because you know what to expect, which meant
21:27
it gave you room to recover. Recover.
21:30
OK, I can go up there, do what I need to do, fix, fix my life and
21:35
and and move on somewhere else. I can do that easily.
21:38
But like I said, show me. I'm pushing myself against this
21:42
wall because it was familiar. Yeah.
21:47
I don't know where the wall at. You know what, let me run into
21:49
this wall. Hey, I am back in this space
21:52
again. Let me go run into this wall.
21:54
Get my mind again. What I had to stop doing.
21:56
I had to stop doing that. And it took a minute.
22:00
It took a minute and it was it was hurtful, it was emotional.
22:06
Had to just, you know, even the people, even people in my life
22:09
that has crossed me in so many ways, have it live with messages
22:15
from God as I believe. OK.
22:18
To me by pushing me to do what I'm looking for.
22:23
OK. And I used to take it in the
22:26
reverse and take it as you're pushing me to go away.
22:29
Yeah. And even when you were talking
22:32
about running and you're like, hold on, I don't run from
22:35
anything. And I was like, it's all about
22:38
perspective. The same way you're saying it's
22:40
like because you you're running to something at the same time,
22:45
but it's perspective. It's three sides to everything
22:49
you know in life, and I really, truly believe that is how you're
22:53
going to see it, how other people are going to see you and
22:57
what God sees. OK, I like that.
23:01
That's the first time I've heard it that way, and it makes the
23:03
most sense. And I've grew up on from a child
23:07
as far as I can remember, my great aunt Ressa Soul used to.
23:10
I used to always hear her say the only perfect gift God has
23:14
created in humans was free will. But your obedience to His faith,
23:21
He will always show up, no matter which way you choose.
23:25
Right or wrong, He's going to get something out of it.
23:29
But you have to be obedient to it.
23:32
And he also rewards. Yep, and he rewards obedience.
23:35
Rewards. So even when you said earlier
23:37
you were like, even though I may not get anything out of it, I
23:41
don't think that's the case, right?
23:43
I think we do get something out of it, but you don't know what.
23:47
What? What?
23:48
It is when, but you will. You'll recognize it.
23:53
Yeah, like that's the shift. Yeah, yeah.
23:56
That's the shift. That's the shift.
23:58
You get up, you got completion, divine completion, completion
24:03
and then a completion to move on of certification for you to move
24:07
on. Assignment complete.
24:11
Literally believe in that in so many ways because when you do
24:15
recognize that shift, and you might not recognize it to walk
24:19
in and you might recognize it a year later.
24:21
Like, you know what? I'm glad I made that move.
24:25
That was your shift. But it also shows your obedience
24:29
because you're walking on faith and you're moving forward no
24:32
matter what. But then when you get to sit
24:35
down, got to sit there and reminisce with you, he put
24:38
things in your face and let you see things and show you.
24:42
You could have went this way. I could have put you through
24:44
that way and still turned you out to be the same person that
24:46
you are, but I could have put you that way.
24:50
One of the signs went out from the question he was asking me.
24:55
I was living in Woodbridge, VA. We was in church one day and I
25:01
think it was the pastor's birthday and he was preaching
25:04
about denying people their blessings.
25:08
OK. And he was talking about be
25:12
careful what you asked for from God because you might not get
25:16
what you asked for right then and then, but it's going to come
25:18
on his time. And he used the example of
25:21
people saying, man, I wish I could be married as long as they
25:24
was married. And he said, remember, you don't
25:28
know what them people went through for 50 years and how
25:32
obedient they were to get to them 50 years.
25:36
God will give you that 10 times full.
25:38
Now can you handle 10 times of what they went through?
25:41
Then in the same breath, one of the elders that gave him a
25:45
birthday gift and he tried to give it back to her and she
25:47
stood up and said, pastor, don't block my blessing.
25:52
Don't worry about what you think I'm going through if I'm giving
25:57
you something except this gift. That's good because she was
26:01
being obedient. Yes.
26:04
OK. Yes.
26:05
It's just like, if you think about it, it's homeless people
26:08
out here that will help people that got stuff.
26:12
Everybody has something to give, it's just that there's so much
26:15
focus on materialism that we think it has to be a physical,
26:20
tangible thing to have something to give.
26:23
But it's also the offering that people go blind to.
26:27
I offered. I offered to pump your gas.
26:31
We'll look at it and say it's a hustle.
26:32
And some of that is from our past hurts, our past traumas.
26:36
That said, it's not safe and we don't always assess what's
26:40
present because sometimes it is appropriate to be like, Nah, it
26:44
is a hustle. But then I think there are other
26:46
times where in our spirits we know, but we just be like, I
26:49
don't got time for this in case it does become something else.
26:52
And so we we, we do miss those opportunities.
26:56
Yes, you're right. You got it.
27:00
Just I don't know. He knows when my pastor in
27:03
Virginia and what bridge, the way he preached it touched me in
27:07
so many different ways. You know, I've never heard no
27:11
one explain to me what an intimate relationship with God.
27:14
Was OK? How did he explain it?
27:16
The way he explained it was you got to love on God the same way
27:20
we love on our thoughts of the things we want.
27:24
The intimacy of it did. You got to love him to a point
27:27
where you feel wrong for loving him the way that you do because
27:31
that's how he loves us. Tell me, tell me more.
27:33
I don't want to assume this because I'm I'm intrigued by
27:37
this different perspective. So we have to love him.
27:40
How? Is it OK to love him and feel
27:43
feel wrong for loving him as much as we do?
27:47
OK. And he said one of the things he
27:50
said was, let me remember, he said we'll go out here and find
27:56
a mate and love on our mate more than we love on ourselves.
28:00
Why you can't love God like that?
28:02
Yes, and that's why those. Relationships, that's what God
28:05
gives us. That's what God gives us, which
28:08
which which gives us questions like God, why are you doing this
28:12
for me? We're questioning him about some
28:14
things. Why do you love me the way you
28:16
love me? God, All he's asking you doors
28:20
retarded. Trust me and believe in me as I
28:23
trust and believe in you. Yeah, he wants to be chosen.
28:27
And, you know, I talk, you know, in the work that I do,
28:30
relationships are often a thing that bring people to therapy,
28:33
right? Or some people, they're having a
28:35
hard time in their season of waiting.
28:38
And sometimes I ask them, I've asked, you know, I asked a few
28:43
people, it's come up. Do they, whether it's a
28:46
relationship they're trying to hold on to or the relationship
28:49
that they desire? And I'm like, do you, do you
28:52
have this same level of desire for your relationship with God?
28:56
And then when they sit there and they think about it, they're
28:58
like, well, no. Or I'm asking like, when you're
29:00
dating, how much time are you giving to that?
29:05
What's the, what's the frequency and like duration of
29:07
communication with the person you're dating, right?
29:10
And so they'll tell me all this time.
29:12
And then what happens when there's a break in that flow,
29:16
that rhythm that you've been to come, you've become accustomed
29:20
to, right? And they're like, sometimes I
29:22
get nervous or I send a text, you know, all different anxious
29:26
responses or some of them get cold, you know, they, they
29:29
withdraw from people. And I say, well, what happens
29:34
when there's a break in communication with God?
29:36
Do you feel those same things? Is it that intense?
29:38
Right? Because a lot of times it's not.
29:41
And I've shared with the client, God is not going to, this is a
29:46
season of your waiting because it's preparation and he's not
29:48
giving you your partner yet because you have to do your
29:52
work. Because what will happen then is
29:55
this person will come into your life or friendships come into
29:58
your life because some people are desiring community, right,
30:01
and friendship. And you'll slide them into God's
30:05
position and God, the jealous God, and he's not going to have
30:08
it. So the best thing you could do
30:10
right now is like wait and focus on God and focus on yourself.
30:15
And like people think that that's, you know, it's not what
30:18
they want to hear. Sometimes it's not, but it's
30:20
like that's the reality of it. If you are not obedient, if you
30:24
don't have like that good deep, intimate relationship with God
30:27
and you're speaking with him on a regular basis, but you're
30:30
talking to this friend, this or this potential partner or they,
30:34
your boyfriend, your girlfriend more than you talking to God.
30:38
That's the whole problem. And low key, they've become an
30:41
idol and God is not going to allow that.
30:44
That is not going to happen. And what you just described as
30:47
an intimate relationship, yeah, that's the intimacy.
30:52
Yeah. And you're absolutely right
30:54
about everything that you say. You we we will put so much time
30:58
into what we don't have or what we going to give, but not where
31:05
and who we need to get that to. He don't mind sharing.
31:09
Just give him his first just. Give him his first, you know.
31:13
But we one thing we will do as soon as we break up, OK, they'll
31:18
go through something. We had our books.
31:21
That's where I thought you was going to go.
31:23
I was waiting. We had our books.
31:25
Yep. Scrolling through who?
31:26
Who can I reach out to? So, you know, I just once I
31:33
started realizing that, like what you said, I also looked at
31:39
the other part of it when you say, you know, he's giving you
31:41
all the tools to work on you. And the time.
31:45
These are also parts of what I call shifts as well.
31:50
You know, people back in the day used to always say, you know,
31:54
y'all spend all your week going shopping and going out all
31:57
weekend. You can't give up, get up and
31:59
give God an hour of your time. I never, I never felt with that,
32:02
I never felt that understanding of that until I got older.
32:06
I said, and a friend of mine, we were just talking and I said
32:09
it's crazy how we are trained humanly to do the wrong thing
32:15
because it's so easy and we make the right thing so hard.
32:22
And I said, and those are things that I try to switch because I
32:24
always feel like, oh, 52 years old.
32:27
I've lived one way 52 years young.
32:31
I've lived one way. So for so long.
32:34
I want to see what the other side feel like.
32:36
I want to see what it really feels like to be obedient.
32:41
I really want to understand why I don't trust my faith the way I
32:47
need to. And it's costing me absolutely
32:49
nothing but the time that he has given me, and I won't take
32:53
advantage of that. Yeah, I just started switching
32:55
it. Started switching it.
32:57
You know what? You come first.
32:58
Even all the way down to myself. You know what?
33:01
It takes absolutely no time to get up in the morning and do
33:05
something as simple as just making your bed.
33:09
But we'll put too much intimacy on everything else.
33:12
After we got out the bed. I got to get to work.
33:15
I'm rushing. I need to go eat.
33:16
I need to go to get my coffee. I need to, oh, I got my favorite
33:20
radio station coming on. I got to get in the car before I
33:22
miss what they say. Listen, you ain't get yourself
33:24
no time. You ain't gave God no time.
33:27
Just running. Running and as soon as you sit
33:30
down you're complaining about everything that happened.
33:33
Because you didn't give yourself time to just settle, to be in
33:36
silence and just just be. Wake up.
33:40
Yes, yes. So I, I, I give myself that and
33:44
I give God that. Get up, get on my knees, give my
33:48
time and I give myself time. I don't cut no TV's on or radios
33:52
enough in the walk. Around.
33:54
Do what I need to do. Fix me something to eat.
33:59
I might turn the news on, and I might.
34:02
Listen, that news about your whole day off?
34:04
Yeah. And the news is already done.
34:08
You have what we have to remember.
34:09
We're calling in news. But at that point, if we're
34:11
hearing about is, most of it's already history.
34:13
Those things have already happened and we can't change
34:16
what has happened. And at the same time, it is
34:18
important to be informed. But some people, they drive
34:22
themselves more anxious, more depressed watching the news and
34:27
don't know how to shut it off. OK, so Vernon, how would you say
34:34
you're able to understand when God is closing the door versus a
34:42
time where you just need to push through?
34:44
That's a that's a tricky one. Yeah, because he requires us to
34:47
wait sometimes. And then depending on us, you
34:50
think we might think it's easy to misinterpret that as a door
34:53
being closed. Yes, you're right.
34:56
Me personally, I trust in the three physical conversations God
35:03
gives me. OK.
35:04
So you be saying some stuff. I'm intrigued.
35:07
If I don't see it, if I don't see it in threes, then I know
35:11
he's telling me to push. Give me an.
35:13
Example my move back here, how I got my place, everything that I
35:17
preyed on when I moved, he has given me access to all the way
35:25
up into moving back here. The path came in so many ways.
35:29
The three things were I prayed on it that I needed to come back
35:33
home, gave me the OK for that. Came up, spoke to the owner of
35:38
the shop where I work at. He happened to have a chair open
35:42
for me and braced me in. Had a nice conversation with
35:47
really real, real great guy. And all in that same day, my
35:52
daughter, my youngest daughter who I hadn't spoken to in a
35:54
while popped up on me. My mom called me and said your
35:58
daughter wants you to call her. I said I'm going to do 1 better
36:03
because I feel what God is doing right now.
36:05
Yeah. Where she work at and I popped a
36:08
better job. Best felon I ever had in my life
36:13
went back to North Carolina. Everything just felt right in
36:16
place so I knew that's where I needed to My path was open for
36:20
me. So my obedience of that God has
36:24
given me I kids. I tell anybody this, everybody
36:27
this. He has given me everything that
36:30
have ever prayed on everything. He keeps his promises.
36:36
So my obedience to him, to my faith, is that I always have to
36:43
ask him, where do you need me to be?
36:47
You've given me what I want, but I'm not going to be selfish to
36:52
you and just say, all right, I got mines, I'm good where you
36:54
need me to be. I don't ask him, what do you
36:57
want for this? Because it's not a trade, but
37:01
where do you need me to be? He put me in his location.
37:06
The owner asked me, have you reached out to any of your old
37:08
customers? I said no, what's for me, it's
37:11
for me. Got on my knees, prayed on my
37:13
station and I just been letting everything come to me.
37:16
You are probably the 20th person that I used to cut on George
37:21
Ave. Wow.
37:22
Because I was going to ask you. Yeah, I was going to say how
37:25
many have come back. Yeah, I got quite a few from
37:30
just from Georgia Ave. and some of them had actually let their
37:34
hair grow out and hadn't even had a haircut since on that.
37:37
How? Are we talking are these COVID
37:40
cuts or longer? Because I'm like, that's wild,
37:42
not getting cuts. Yeah, they was growing dreads.
37:46
OK, OK. It was growing dreads and, you
37:49
know, families and, you know, so I just looked at it and every
37:54
day I thank them because I know it's a reason.
37:58
It's a reason, I mean leaving it up to me, how my life was.
38:02
I didn't think I would be here past 25.
38:05
Now that feels like that's a story that that probably would
38:08
be a whole other episode. But how did you?
38:11
Well, I actually know we could work that in because that was a
38:14
former like version of you. A shift had to happen to come
38:18
out of that. So moving from a mindset of I'm
38:21
not going to live past 25, like tell me about that shift.
38:26
That shift came wow. Once I realized I was here, my
38:30
choices came clearer. When you mean here, what do you
38:34
mean I? Had moved to Maryland.
38:36
OK. In years I was in New Jersey.
38:39
OK. I got some trouble.
38:42
It didn't look good all the way around the board.
38:45
I'm serious. To the point that friends became
38:49
non friends. I was left for dead.
38:51
When you say that, do you mean literally or just that people
38:54
you could have been dead and they would have never known,
38:56
they never looked back? Both.
38:59
Oh wow. Both, yeah.
39:03
Once again speaks to me in threes.
39:05
Got in trouble with the law. Judge was being so nasty with
39:11
me. My charge was in New York City.
39:14
He wouldn't let me transfer to New Jersey.
39:16
I did make make my transportation back and forth
39:21
and couldn't be laid or he was going to violate me and all
39:23
that. Yeah.
39:26
Two years go past, I finally get enough letters and stuff and
39:29
allow me to move back, move down here.
39:32
OK. And he let me transfer.
39:34
OK. So time goes on and make it past
39:38
25 and now I'm being more cautious of my choices because
39:42
I've been betrayed by so many and I probably would have took a
39:45
bullet for and I just started looking at life differently.
39:49
Like OK. Yeah.
39:51
Once again, you know, not, not not even being obedient to my
39:56
faith at this time as I know it, but still asking, OK, God, I'm
40:01
here. It's a reason why you you're
40:04
still with me. What is it that you need from
40:07
me? All I know is how to beat this,
40:13
but you're you're holding on to me and putting me in places
40:15
where I have to be that I used to fight it.
40:21
That resistance, yeah. Oh man, that's Uncle Vernon, 99.
40:27
Don't do that. People want to include me with
40:29
their family. I don't want to do that not
40:33
knowing these kids are looking up to me.
40:38
My kids are looking up to me. You know, my daughter years
40:41
later, had said something to me with the shift.
40:46
I made it past 25 and I took it as a sign that God was reminding
40:50
me you're here. You're here.
40:53
She said to me she had. She was pregnant with her first
40:56
child. She said to me, I need you to
41:01
come up here to teach this young man that she was with how to be
41:06
a father. I don't like this Vernon ***
41:09
that you turn into. I need you to be the nickname
41:13
guy. And I had to tell her that's not
41:17
who you want in your life because he don't care.
41:20
I'm your father. I'm Vernon.
41:22
That's who you know. And that right there, let me
41:27
know, OK. I must have had a really,
41:30
really, really bad life going on.
41:34
But to some people that's a glorified life.
41:39
It's a respectable life. To.
41:42
Me, I'm looking at it saying that, yeah, to me, I'm saying we
41:48
always talk about having second chances.
41:50
Here's mine. It was.
41:54
It was so easy for me to move back up and be who I was.
42:01
Or do I be obedient, show my appreciation for living past 25,
42:07
make a life and still can do what I've been doing.
42:10
Taking care of my kids, still showing them something new and
42:13
different, still making them feel what love feels like.
42:17
Something that I've really never got.
42:20
I've gotten it, but I've gotten it in a different way.
42:23
And that's what's hard sometimes it doesn't look like look how we
42:27
want it and need it to look. And it doesn't always come from
42:31
who we want it to come from. And that can like you said, you
42:35
were like, Nah, I'm not Uncle Vernon, right, Because you're
42:38
like, no, because you when you don't get it the way you need
42:42
it, would like it and from whom you want to.
42:45
Some of us, we shut down, we close off, we say, well, that's
42:49
not that must not have been meant for me.
42:52
And we miss out on other opportunities when the people
42:55
sometimes we wanted from their assignment was to get us here so
43:02
that someone else who was better equipped could love us, help
43:07
raise us, help shape us, help mold us.
43:09
But nobody tells us that. And then sometimes the adults
43:13
are not having conversation for the kids to understand why
43:17
things might be how they are or to even just process that right.
43:22
Like, 'cause, you know, my, my mom wasn't in my life from six
43:26
up until she really came back, like within the last five years.
43:30
I saw her less than five times from the time I was 6 right up
43:35
until about let me see. So I was 6.
43:39
I didn't see her again until I was a sophomore in high school.
43:42
And then after that, I didn't see her again until I was like
43:46
21. And then more gaps.
43:48
But you know, God sends us who we need and what we need.
43:52
And if we can allow it, it can bless us.
43:56
But I can also hear, and this happens to people.
43:59
It turns people cold because then we can internalize messages
44:05
that say I'm unlovable or I'm not enough or any other or ands.
44:11
I had some ands in there because sometimes it's a combination of
44:15
things. And so we, we, we, our hearts
44:19
are broken, and we preserve that broken heart.
44:22
Yes, and, and it also comes from, like you said, when, when
44:27
you don't know and you don't have and you don't, you don't
44:31
know to pay attention to the guidance that's around you.
44:36
All you see is what you see. So it's hard for a person not to
44:42
turn cold because you never know what circumstances they were in.
44:46
And that's that's mine. I was a cold person because
44:50
that's the circumstances I was in.
44:52
But then as I got older, I started looking at it
44:56
differently. I wasn't in a situation where I
44:59
had to be cold. That was a choice I made.
45:02
Well, I would say it may have been something you needed to
45:04
survive at that time because the pain was so great.
45:08
So great, that's the choice. It's a choice, but it's also
45:12
survival. Yeah, yeah.
45:14
The circumstances that you brought up in it's survival, but
45:17
I, I stopped looking at it like that because I didn't want to.
45:21
I didn't want to consider myself as I don't want to say weak is
45:25
another word I'm looking for. Vulnerable.
45:29
I didn't want to say, I didn't want to say vulnerable to
45:31
myself. So you know me, I was a small
45:37
guy growing up with the people I grew up with.
45:39
You know, I was a little guy. I was just small, but I didn't
45:43
want to be vulnerable. Nobody really knew what my
45:46
circumstances was but me. As I got older, I started
45:52
looking at it, like you said, to the emptiness of the missing
45:56
pieces. And that's where my cold came
45:58
from because it was like I'm not being loved by who I feel I
46:02
should be loved by growing up. Watch, I'm growing up with these
46:07
people that have just as less as I have and they're still
46:11
welcoming me into their home and I'm still being cold because I'm
46:17
still looking at it as this y'all home.
46:21
It's not mine. I'm not looking at it as I'm
46:24
better or I can have better or should have better.
46:27
I'm looking at it as I want damn near what y'all have, but with
46:33
mine. Was there ever a part of you
46:35
that was afraid of getting comfortable in those spaces and
46:38
that it might change? OK, yes.
46:42
So you stay. So it's almost like the.
46:45
And I've sabotaged good relationships because of.
46:47
It uh huh. So it kind of reminds me Vernon
46:51
of of if you talk to people who have lived experiences in the
46:54
foster care system, how they won't get comfortable, they will
47:00
sabotage if when it's a good situation as well, like attempts
47:04
to have like normal life or healthy or just experience love.
47:10
Well, with mines, as I look back on it, with my growth to help me
47:15
grow and you know, asking God to guide me through a lot of
47:19
things, it was more so of embarrassment.
47:24
I was embarrassed. I was ashamed and didn't have to
47:27
be. I was going to ask, was it
47:29
anything that you had done? It was just me.
47:32
But it wasn't you, right? Well, at the same time you.
47:36
How to be to be in those situations?
47:38
Yes. No, I don't think it is because
47:42
I was too young. OK, Yep.
47:45
It wasn't. It wasn't a choice I had in them
47:49
situations when I was that young, you know, to be here,
47:53
there and there, you know, that was an adult decision.
47:59
I think growing up where that coldness come from, I didn't
48:05
want to know. I accepted it.
48:07
It is what it is and you can't apologize for.
48:12
It now you're locking it down. So not only are you cold, you've
48:17
locked anything that was remote remotely warm about you behind
48:22
the door. And you said Nah.
48:25
And then when I noticed that you can kick a door in and try to
48:29
make me feel that way, I start wrapping stones around.
48:33
Building a wall. Oh, now I'm throwing them in the
48:36
in the ocean and I'm leaving them to a point that to a point
48:41
that I would forget life that I had because I didn't want to be
48:47
bothered with certain people. That's how I called a guy.
48:51
That's very cold and we're not designed for that at all.
48:54
Yeah, why not? And I can only imagine what type
48:59
of choices and how you might have been moving with that level
49:03
of coldness, even maybe reckless.
49:07
It's just what what I'm thinking, yeah.
49:10
So going back to that shift, you asked me about when how did I
49:15
know when God was telling me push forward or this is done way
49:20
go on. When I made it past 25, that's
49:24
what I was meaning when I said let me see what the opposite
49:28
side it. It got to be something different
49:30
in this world. And once I started doing that
49:34
throughout my years, I started saying no matter how hard of a
49:38
struggle I had to this point, or how easy it was struggle I had
49:42
to this point, it was people in my life that needed fixing and
49:48
my presence just needed to be there.
49:51
And I started accepting that. When I was in Woodbridge, the
49:54
pastor had made me one of the men's in the men's ministry.
49:58
He made me one of the leaders and I had came up with a
50:01
suggestion box that I just found out.
50:03
It's still in there. Loving.
50:04
At the church, you know, I prayed over it and God came to
50:07
me and I, you know, I asked him what what can I do, you know,
50:11
about my life and get something out of this at the same time.
50:15
And I came up with this suggestion box and the words
50:18
SOSSOS is a distress in. Me and I want to see if you had
50:22
another another me. Yes, it does.
50:25
I call it. I call it.
50:27
What was it? Sheeps of shepherds?
50:30
OK. And reason why I broke it down
50:32
like that was listening to the old, the elders in the church
50:35
and the men's ministry. The way that they were trying to
50:38
move was the direct opposite of how I was trying to move.
50:42
And we have went to a jail ministry one time and I had
50:46
suggested with us to go to the juvenile.
50:48
I said these adults have already made their choices, but if I had
50:53
somebody in my life as a juvenile.
50:55
Earlier intervention. And put it in my head, you might
51:00
not have reached me at that moment, but it would have been
51:03
energy for me to maybe the year or the day after or life after
51:08
that. It'd get to me.
51:09
That's what we need to reach. So when I came up with sheeps of
51:12
shepherd, shepherds had to learn and hear the mannerism of the
51:18
sheeps in order to guide them. Sheeps don't pay attention.
51:24
Nothing. You have to teach things.
51:26
When we're babies, our parents is teaching us what not to
51:30
touch, what to touch. They're talking around us, so
51:34
we'll know how to talk. That's why all babies come up
51:37
with different languages. Spanish people grow up talking
51:39
Spanish to their babies, so they might learn Spanish language
51:42
before they learn English. Foreigners know five different
51:46
languages, and English is the last language that they're
51:48
trying to learn. So with me, how do we reach the
51:53
community You got to handle, You've got to listen to him so
51:57
you'll know where you can guide him or nowhere to let God allow
52:02
you to guide them to. But if we just going to go in
52:06
there as shepherds and talk, talk to the sheep, you're going
52:11
to always have one that's going to stray off because he ain't
52:12
going to understand what's going on.
52:13
He going to look at you and say, Nah, this ain't what we normally
52:15
do. We don't stand here and look at
52:17
you. We go over and graze this, graze
52:19
this grass. We go drink this water.
52:22
But you got to learn the flow of everything before you can guide
52:26
it how you want to go. Even when you turn on the sink,
52:29
you can turn on the sink hard or low, but you got to, you got to
52:32
listen to the water and see the water to see what adjustment you
52:34
want it to be. So you're in here, or one or the
52:39
other, depends on the person. Right, So, you know, that was
52:42
one of the things that, you know, I just I took it in like
52:45
that, like, OK, I've always been this type of person never
52:49
followed nobody. Our parents call that what hard
52:54
headed. Sometimes it can be.
52:57
You being hard headed, or you want to be the class clown, or
53:00
you think you're going to do this or you want to be the
53:02
leader amongst the thugs. You want to.
53:04
You want your own circle. You know, it's leadership
53:07
nonetheless. Yes, it's a lesson learned, but
53:14
when I got the second chance with God, with life, I started
53:21
saying to myself, listen, how can I tell somebody else
53:25
listening? Fine, listen, I'm hearing y'all
53:27
tell me who I am, but I'm not listening because I want to.
53:30
I want to control the situation. OK, I think I got a good
53:34
question to keep this going, right?
53:36
Like especially if it's when it's what you want to do, what
53:39
are the dangers or in your experience, what is the danger?
53:43
You can go general or you can go personal, right of staying in a
53:47
season longer than God intended for you to stay in.
53:51
Emotional destruction. Tell me more.
53:54
Gone into situations where open hearts, friend relationship
53:59
relationships, or just a friend buddy, we will enter into
54:04
something with the same mindset. We both want this, we both like
54:10
this, we both love this. When it goes bad, one person is
54:14
always going to stay and it goes from caring about your peace to
54:20
you taking on their pain. And it does nothing but
54:25
emotionally destroy you. Because now you're sitting there
54:29
saying to yourself, this person don't want to stop.
54:32
They're not trying to get out of this rabbit hole.
54:34
And that rabbit hole is so destructive down there.
54:37
They start beating you up because of what they don't want
54:40
to do. Yeah, their own stuff.
54:43
I I, yeah, I look at it like that.
54:46
And that's from experience. And I've done it, and at a
54:48
younger age I've punished. You know, we do that.
54:52
We will punish somebody for what we've been through, for what the
54:54
last person did to us. Well, that's what they say, hurt
54:57
people hurt people. But also when we don't take time
54:59
to heal, we bleed on the person that didn't cut us.
55:04
And I think all too often, especially with like just
55:07
interactions with people, is that the bad thing happens,
55:12
rightfully so. We don't ever want to experience
55:15
that type of hurt again, right? So we say never again.
55:20
But then we go into the new place, new space, new
55:23
environment, new relationship, whatever it is and we don't
55:28
assess. Instead, we're we only do it one
55:32
side and we're assessing for threats.
55:34
We're not assessing the actual environment in its totality.
55:38
We're looking for the threats, not seeing what could be
55:42
benefits, what are the things that can enhance us and pour
55:45
into us. So we sabotage the thinking.
55:48
We're keeping ourselves safe when it has nothing to do with
55:52
this person. Nothing about this person's
55:54
character suggests that they're going to do the things that
55:58
happened before, but we're too raw.
56:00
But then really, we need to sit down.
56:02
That's what happens. Like we didn't sit down and
56:05
heal, but then we're still looking for connection.
56:08
I think that's what really happens in terms of
56:10
relationships, friendships. And I wanted to ask you, oh, go
56:14
ahead. And I wanted to ask you because
56:18
I hear a theme about the people you have opened up to.
56:22
They, it didn't go well, right? And so then that makes me
56:27
wonder, did these people earn that loyalty like you were
56:31
talking about the ones that you, you know, you were willing to
56:34
really ride for or the people who you were trying so hard,
56:39
like we're in relationship with to like kind of lift them up
56:42
maybe and it didn't work or they took advantage of you.
56:45
Did they earn it right? Because I think sometimes we go
56:48
and we want what we want and this person was not a good fit,
56:52
but they were good enough and then we're surprised when it
56:55
don't work. I don't.
56:57
I don't. I wouldn't use the word.
57:01
I always walk into any type of relationship wanting what I give
57:05
off. Is that communicated or is it
57:08
just? It's communicated.
57:10
Awesome. To me, it's important that I
57:16
can't ask you for a clean plate if I'm not giving you OK, OK.
57:21
I can't ask you not to punish me for what the last guy did if I'm
57:25
going to punish you for what the last woman did.
57:28
You all who you are. I'm attracted to you for who you
57:31
are, not for not for you. Think I need you to be for me.
57:37
Some people, they don't know that they've learned to be what?
57:41
And sometimes that was a function of survival for some
57:43
people. Other people, it's manipulation
57:46
you and it's sometimes you got to find out.
57:49
But that's the lie we tell ourselves.
57:51
And I say ourselves, because I've been a victim of it and
57:54
I've done it, you know, in my past, We all sit there and say,
57:59
man, I ain't not already had this type of woman.
58:01
I don't want that type of woman. I already had this type of man.
58:03
I don't want that type of man. But then we're going me every
58:08
criteria of the man of the of the person we dealt with and
58:12
still walk into that that fire. Yeah, because you didn't.
58:15
Lie because we think it's gone when you learn our lesson.
58:18
But I can't change you. You can't change me.
58:24
But sometimes when that chemistry feels right, you walk
58:27
in on faith. But then the other person might
58:29
not have the same faith as you. It could.
58:33
Also be familiar and. Yeah, but you got to trust
58:37
yourself. Yeah, but sometimes.
58:39
You got to trust yourself. Sometimes we don't because we
58:42
we're just moving off of emotion independent on where we are in
58:47
life. If there's there's so many parts
58:49
to it and it can be really, really complicated.
58:53
And so when I was saying you haven't learned your lesson, I
58:56
didn't mean it like you know, you deserve what you get.
58:58
That's not what I mean when I say that as much as life is a
59:02
series of tests and I say like life is like a video game.
59:06
So if you keep that the same situation keeps coming around,
59:11
but it's different people, or if it's the same type of
59:14
circumstance or you having the same like response to it, it's a
59:18
test. It's an opportunity for you to
59:20
choose different to go to the next level.
59:22
So just like if you play Super Mario Brothers and you don't get
59:25
it or you were supposed to jump and you you hit it too late,
59:28
like you go back and you start over, right?
59:31
And the goal is get to the end and get the Princess.
59:34
But you you keep going. But some people, they turn the
59:36
video game off. This goes to your question
59:41
pushing forward or what? What was the question?
59:45
Staying longer than God intended.
59:47
Staying longer than God intended.
59:51
We have tendencies that we think.
59:55
Like I said, it shifts. So now you forget about yourself
1:00:00
and your peace and some of us start thinking God has me here
1:00:04
for a reason. I need to stick around.
1:00:06
We start putting that on Him. I need to stick around to this
1:00:09
person, figures out that I'm good for them.
1:00:13
Oh, not having approved love, then that's you choosing.
1:00:16
And and the proof, the proof that you're choosing wrong in
1:00:20
that matter is you're forgetting about you.
1:00:22
You're turning into a crutch for this person.
1:00:27
And this person ain't changing. And it's the same path, like you
1:00:30
said, the same pattern that's happening and happening
1:00:33
happening. And you're not walking away yet
1:00:35
because you don't want to hurt this person's feelings.
1:00:39
Which means you aren't moving when, you need to move when you.
1:00:43
Need to move. Your motivations aren't pure.
1:00:45
So now, so now you're hurt. And this goes back to what you
1:00:48
were saying. So now you're hurt, and hurt
1:00:50
people. Hurt people.
1:00:51
Yeah. And now y'all hurting each
1:00:54
other. When you move.
1:00:56
Away from each other, y'all back and forth, back and forth,
1:00:59
hating each other, cussing each other out and going all crazy on
1:01:03
each other. Then you're sleeping with each
1:01:04
other. Then y'all going back to the
1:01:05
well, you this and you that. Waiting to see who going to move
1:01:08
first. Me.
1:01:09
My piece is everything to me now.
1:01:13
My piece is everything. My Peace of Mind is everything
1:01:17
to me now. I can take some stuff, but it's
1:01:21
a lot of stuff that I sit there and I've been, I've had to pray
1:01:24
on. I've had to God.
1:01:27
I'm sorry. I pray that I was obedient
1:01:32
enough to be where you need me to be at the moment.
1:01:35
You needed me to be me. My human side is telling me get
1:01:40
out of this. And like I said, he showed me my
1:01:46
things and then threes did it come blessing star coming out
1:01:50
the window. And I'm sitting there like, OK,
1:01:52
I see you, I'm good. And I make sure I didn't do
1:01:56
wrong on my walk away. But sometimes, sometimes it's OK
1:02:02
to be selfish to yourself. Sometimes you got to say, you
1:02:04
know what? For my health, for my mental
1:02:06
health. It's self love.
1:02:09
Damn that I don't owe you anything.
1:02:12
And you know, one thing that I'm considering and you don't
1:02:15
necessarily have to respond, but I think I know from experience
1:02:18
and then also some things that my friends have gone through is
1:02:21
that we find ourselves in toxic situations, right?
1:02:25
Like what you were describing or any type of iteration of it.
1:02:28
That's not healthy, right? And I think part of the problem
1:02:31
is, is we're not consulting God when we meet the person we doing
1:02:36
what we want to do. We've not asked him and then we
1:02:39
want him to and clean it. And it's going to be an episode
1:02:42
on that dating with discernment, knowing who's sent and who's a
1:02:45
distraction, right? Because see how?
1:02:47
Your circle just went though. What's up you?
1:02:49
See how you just put your Halo on?
1:02:51
Tell me. The question you asked me
1:02:53
earlier, the intimacy. Yeah, yeah.
1:02:58
Intimacy, it doesn't always mean soft touching and all that.
1:03:02
When I say the way he preached, it was like sometimes you got to
1:03:04
feel uncomfortable and wrong for loving on God the way you do.
1:03:09
The intimacy of that, how we don't put them in it.
1:03:12
Like you just said, hurt people, hurt people.
1:03:15
We can put intimacy into that. We will love on each other
1:03:18
enough to hate on each other. Yeah, and I think a lot of us do
1:03:22
need some work in the area of self love, which is why we
1:03:27
showing up the way we do sometimes in relationships
1:03:30
because we have our own love deficits and we don't yet know
1:03:35
that we got to get situated with God and he can pour in and fill
1:03:38
in where earth, earthly experiences, earthly caregivers
1:03:44
have failed or didn't make the mark, you know, or they missed
1:03:47
the mark. So when we can do that, then we
1:03:50
have overflow to pour from to go into a healthy relationship.
1:03:56
But I'm going to move us on because this is going good.
1:03:59
But if you could tell our listeners or give them some tips
1:04:04
or advice about how to position themselves for transitions while
1:04:09
staying aligned with God's plan. You got to trust what you asked
1:04:16
for. What you pray, you have to trust
1:04:20
it. So right after your prayer and
1:04:23
you give God all you want and everything, you have to keep
1:04:28
your heart and your mind open because it can come at any time.
1:04:34
It's not going to never come how you want it to come or how you
1:04:38
see it coming, but it's going to come.
1:04:43
Is is definitely going to come. So I heard trust and wait.
1:04:48
Trust and wait is going to come. OK.
1:04:51
Anything else on that? That's it.
1:04:53
Thank you for having me. Yeah, so if you could leave the
1:04:58
audience with one powerful truth to help them rise in faith and
1:05:04
thrive and purpose, what would it be?
1:05:07
Love. Love.
1:05:09
God is love. And we are loved.
1:05:14
So if you love, love you, loving yourself, and you're loving on
1:05:17
God, OK, and God loving on you, OK Amen.
1:05:22
I'm here for that. Well, Vernon, thank you again
1:05:24
for being here. Thank you.
1:05:28
Now if people want to come get a cut, where can the people find
1:05:32
you? Oh, I'm at a cut above Heads up,
1:05:36
147 O 3 Baltimore Ave., Laurel, MD, six days a week.
1:05:42
Monday, six days a week. Well, Tuesday through Sunday.
1:05:46
OK, I'm sorry, do you I know y'all not open on Monday because
1:05:49
I tried to send a lady to y'all? Yeah, I'm going on a Monday.
1:05:51
I need a day off. Yes, this lady was visiting our
1:05:54
church on a Sunday. She was a family member of one
1:05:57
of our members. And she was like, I love your
1:05:59
haircut. And I didn't have it like molded
1:06:01
down. And I was like, let me give you
1:06:03
his name. And like got her all set up.
1:06:05
She got to the part to schedule an appointment because she was
1:06:08
like, I'll leave tomorrow. I was like, Dang, I forgot, it's
1:06:11
a Barber shop. He ain't open on Monday.
1:06:13
Yeah, Tuesday, Tuesday through Sunday.
1:06:16
Yeah, Tuesday through Sunday. Tell them about the app how they
1:06:19
can find you on the app. I'm also on the cut app on the
1:06:22
Vernon Young you can find me on there's the cut app.
1:06:27
I go I didn't did it so long. I think that's it.
1:06:30
Yeah, the cut is the app. And I mean, you sent me a link,
1:06:33
but let me see. I'm pulling it up now because if
1:06:35
they want to find you, we want to make it easy and we Vernon Y,
1:06:39
is what I said. Vernon Y.
1:06:41
Vernon Y. If they at the cut app, is the
1:06:46
cut app at Vernon at Vernon Yi think it is?
1:06:50
OK, actually you know what? Boom.
1:06:52
Let me see on share. I can do that right now.
1:06:57
Technology moving slow. Did you?
1:06:59
I put up photos too so people can see your work if they look
1:07:02
under you. I added them.
1:07:04
Yeah, they, well, you know, once they go on that QR code, it go
1:07:06
right to it. So.
1:07:07
Oh. OK, OK, OK, and what I will do
1:07:10
too is I'll link it in the bottom here 'cause it's taking a
1:07:13
minute for this to show up. Oh yeah.
1:07:15
So it's actually app.book.thecut.co/vernon Y.
1:07:22
So I'll make sure when I post this on YouTube and if I can put
1:07:27
it in the description on the other platforms that the link is
1:07:30
also there so that they can find you, get you some business and
1:07:33
change some lives. Put them healing hands on the
1:07:35
people. All right, So listeners, we are
1:07:39
at the time in the show where it's time for your call to
1:07:42
action, where we reflect, take action, and you will leave
1:07:47
affirm. So for your reflection, I want
1:07:50
you to think about where in your life is God calling you to shift
1:07:55
and are you resisting or embracing the move?
1:07:59
And so in terms of action, I want you to ask God for clarity
1:08:04
on your next step and be willing to take action and to step in
1:08:11
faith. And finally, I'm going to leave
1:08:13
you with an affirmation. I trust God's direction.
1:08:16
When He says move, I will move. All right, Vernon.
1:08:21
Well, it's again again has been a pleasure.
1:08:24
I'll see you in about two weeks since I came to see you
1:08:26
yesterday all. Right.
1:08:28
And you have a wonderful rest of your Sunday.
1:08:31
And it's been. Enjoy your evening, I
1:08:33
appreciate. You all right?
1:08:35
Well, take care. All right?
1:08:37
OK, bye. Bye.