Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Does Divorce Make You Prettier?  Women On TikTok Think So…..

Transcript

Does Divorce Make You Prettier?  Women On TikTok Think So….. · I Do, Part 2

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey, folks, it is Sunday, July fifth, and divorce is
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: a good thing and women have the pictures to prove it.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: And with that, welcome to this.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm very curious episode of Amy and DJ because Robes
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: has just hit me with something here recently about a
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: divorce glow up, something I'd never heard of before. But
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: in what you've told me so far, Robes, I expect
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: this to be a pretty heated episode.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean this is controversial. Does divorce make you prettier?
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Divorce make you prettier?
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: Oh, there's the question.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Look if this has become a pretty big they say
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: viral trend on TikTok on social media. I actually dived
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: in a bit to look at several women all trending,
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: not several, like lots and thousands of women going onto
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: TikTok basically showing a before and after before divorce, after
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: divorce and different women. I'll just described some of the videos,
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: but some show women like crying and despondent, looking sad.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: Their skin's dull, their hair is messed up, they're they're
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: in the middle of a toxic relationship. And then so
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: a lot of them will say things like me as
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: a wife, and then you you'll go through and you'll
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: swipe through some of these pictures where yeah, she's either
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: has gained some weight, looks frumpy, looks sad, there's her
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: eyes look dead. And then you keep swiping and then
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: it'll say me as an ex wife, and all of
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: a sudden, she's hot, she's.
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Sexy, she's like, she's fitter, she's.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Happier, she's it's just like a completely different energy and
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: in some cases it actually looks like a completely different woman.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: The hashtag glow up.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: Absolutely divorce gloub me as a wife, me as an
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: ex wife, his wife, his ex wife dropped, a husband
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: found the glow. Divorce didn't break me, it rebuilt me.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: So these are all the different basic they have these
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: little byelines on the bottom of it, and then some
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: of them go into detail. I was cute before, but
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: every time I smiled in pictures there was literal pain
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: and stress hidden behind my eyes. Amazing how much hotter
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: I got leaving my marriage. If you're considering divorce, do it.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: One of the best decisions I've ever made. So look,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: a lot of people are saying, WHOA, we should not
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: be promoting divorce.
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: This is not what we want.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: But a lot of other people are saying it's giving
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: permission to women for doing something that is taboo, something
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: that is frowned upon from a societal standpoint, and it
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: lets women know that it's okay to get divorced and
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: actually you could be better than you are now if
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: you leave a toxic relationship.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, uh okay, Okay, what's next? Before I completely
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: dive into this any other headlines, the highlights, I need
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: to know what's the debate about it.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I guess that's the part of it as well.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: So well, and this is interesting too because look, we
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: can get into what experts have weighed in on a
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: lot of this, and they have said that look in
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: a lot of these pictures, and I went to go
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: look and see, it's not about these women aren't getting
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: cosmetic surgery. And I think that's what I thought initially
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: when I saw a divorce glow up. I'm like, Okay,
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: they're getting hair extensions, they're getting lip injections, they're getting botox,
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: they are whatever.
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: That's not actually what this is.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: They say that the changes that these women are posting
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: are actually physiological, because when you reduce stress, your nervous
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: system recovers, and it was actually described that your face
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: can actually soften literally, not just figuratively, not just you're
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: smiling and you were frowning, you were crying, now you're
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: leaping for joy. There was one woman I showed it
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: to you who I believe was she crying in one
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: photo and then the next one she's drinking in aperol
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: sprits like it's just an energy shift.
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: And so they say, when.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: Cortisol levels are elevated, meaning you're in a high stress situation,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: your face and your body hold it. You might have
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: weight gain, you might be bloated, you might have dull skin,
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: you might have thinning.
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: Hair because you're stressed.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: Stress usually does not help physically when the way you
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: look it usually takes away. It's detrimental. You're not sleeping,
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: all of those things. So they say there's an explanation.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: When you relieve stress or when you get out of
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: a toxic relationship, your whole chemistry, your body chemistry changes.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: I believe that.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I do too, since.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: That makes perfect sense. I'm still I'm learning about this.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I have thoughts, so I'm trying to make sure I
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: have all the information before I have a thought on
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: this now or ease? I'm making sure no, because I'm
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: looking at your notes. Any other detail that I need
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: to know.
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: Yes, here, I'll give a couple other expert explanations, and
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: then I wonder.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: A divorce glow up is what happens when a woman
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: stops pouring her nervous system into managing someone else's emotional
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: state aka marriage. I guess the glow is really energy reclamation,
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: the visible expression.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: Of an auto a nervous system that finally got to rest.
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: I don't even know what that word was. Something is happening.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: Women do often look, feel, and function better in the
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: month after leaving a depleting marriage. But again, it's not
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: about the divorce. It's about the nervous system.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Wait do it the nervous Wait what.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: Your nervous system relaxes, so you look good, feel good,
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: and you function better. And it's not necessarily about divorce.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: They don't want to say, like it's the divorce that
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: did it. It's basically about your nervous system resting about
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: suddenly now you're not stressed all the time.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, expert, what do they not like about this?
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Are there any experts out there who push back against
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: this idea or even the that we're promoting it in
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: such a way.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Is there any pushback?
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: Well, no, and in fact I think they yes, they will.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: They're actually saying that it's in a positive way, changing
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: this stigma around divorce, and it's giving women permission because look,
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: deep down, a lot of women stay in marriages and
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: this is true.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: And I don't want to just say women.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: We can get into this because we had this, We
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: had a little bit of a conversation about this beforehand
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: that I don't know why we're solely focused on women,
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: possibly because they're the ones posting this on TikTok. You're
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: not seeing men necessarily doing divorce glow up. In fact,
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: they probably get pushed back for it. But we can
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: get into that. But I do think that this is
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: something that they want women to feel like they can
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: like it's okay, because you and I both know we've
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: experienced it. When you get divorced, people tend to view
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: you differently. You do have a label on you you
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: and it's not a positive one, folks. It's considered a
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: personal failure, I think by many people, and so we
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: avoid it at all costs. But there could be a
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: huge price to be paid. You might be paying a
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: bigger price than you realize in terms of your health,
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: how you look, how you feel by staying in something,
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: because you don't want people to think negatively about you.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: And I think that's the positive.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Thing that a lot of times people aren't staying because
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: they want to try and work on their marriage, or
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: because they think they can make it better, or because
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: they think that maybe it'll turn around. I think a
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: lot of people do stay because they don't want the stigma.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: They don't want being they don't want to be judged.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: They don't want people to look at them differently, whether
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: it's at their church or at their school or at
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: their office.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: They don't want to be viewed through that lens. It's
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: typically negative.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, typically negative, Okay. I get all that. The problem
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: I'm having is the focus on divorce and not the
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: focus on toxic relationships. I don't like the idea that
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: we are promoting and we're putting this label on a
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: divorce glow up.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: I get it.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: It's it's social media, and it's it's catchy, it's clever,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: and this. I don't like celebrating divorce. I'm not a fan,
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: been through divorce and.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: Been through divorce twice, and Robes.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: The reason that so much of trouble did come to
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: your point is because I was ashamed and I didn't
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: want anybody to know I was getting divorced a second time,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: and so I didn't tell I didn't even tell my parents.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be done before I even told my parents,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: and so obviously I didn't tell the public.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Why you didn't tell them because you didn't want the judgment,
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: You didn't want the feedback, so you didn't want to
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: admit it.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: It's embarrassing. I mean two, that's twice. Who wants to
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: be divorced twice? Nobody does, Robes. That's it's still it's
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: it's I can talk about it, and we talk about
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: it openly. Nine we do podcasts about it. We got
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I do part two where we talk about second and
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: third chances. But still Robes. It feels like, and it
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: will forever feel like I failed at something.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Even if I failed.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Even if you don't think you failed in the marriage,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: you feel like you failed in choosing a partner for
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: that marriage. You failed somewhere along the way to end
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: up with two d's on your transcript.
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: Yes, and I.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: Also will admit fully that it feels embarrassing is a
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: good word. But I think shameful for me is that
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: I actually pledged in front of my family and friends
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: twice to love someone no matter what, to stay with
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: someone no matter what. And when I chose differently after
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: making that public vow and that legal vow, I ended things.
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: That is shameful. It feels shameful, and maybe it should
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: feel shameful. And that's kind of the point that you
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: have to that's the whole point of marriage.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: But should it be a life sentence of misery if
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: it doesn't work out?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: But right, Robes, we both know how come relationships and
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: marriages are. This is it's promoting this idea of.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: The solution is dumping.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: And again, people can be in toxic relationships, even abusive,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: we don't know. But this idea, it's just promoting this
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: idea that your problem in life, your improvement in life
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: has to do with this guy you're married to. Just
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: dump that thing, just get rid of that thing, and
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: all of a Suddain life turns around and Robes, there's
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: something about promoting just this idea of that it's not
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: about marriage. Or partnership or anything else of relationship. It's
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: just a matter of dumping some weight and let's go party.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: It's kind of This is from a guy who's been
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: divorced twice. I don't like how this feels a little
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: flippant with marriage. And we have known people robes who
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: have had divorce parties. We've known people who have celebrated
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: and things. This I just and fine. I know, I
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: know we all know. Robes the best health, the best
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: father I have ever been in the most loving relationship
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I've ever been. It happened after I got divorced, like
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I needed, and I get that. But for me, can
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: you imagine me as a man going I am wonderful
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: now because I got rid of a woman.
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: I think it would work for it never, it would
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: never ever work.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: So these women have their individual stories, but as a
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: collective and what's being promoted promoted I got some problems with.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: Yes, I think interestingly enough about trying to change the stigma.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: I do appreciate that. I do because look, divorce is hard,
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: and I don't I think sometimes and I know we
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: all know that intellectually, but to live through it and
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: to have gone through.
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: It twice both of us have done that. It is
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: debilitating in moments.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: I know that they say a month after leaving someone,
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: you feel free, and I understand you do. You feel
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: like you have a fresh start, you have a new chance,
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: you have a new start, But there is still a
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: deep part of I would imagine just about anybody who's
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: married someone and lived with someone and built a life
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: with someone. When that goes away for whatever reason, it
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: there is a mourning period and a morning process and
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: an opportunity to work on yourself. But yes, to just
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: I think there's a concern to see it just looks
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: like it's all beautiful and fun and wonderful. So there
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: there's a little bit of a concern, yes, that you're
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: that you're glamorizing almost divorce.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: See, and that is not about the stigma, right, there
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: is a stigma to divorce. You want to come out
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: and we can speak on it by talking about it openly.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: This is what I did wrong, This is what what
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: went wrong, This is what I could have done differently,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: this is the mistake. Right, there's a way to talk.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: We can have a conversation about it. If all we're
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: doing is just look at me, I'm better now that
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I'm not married. I don't like that. I don't and
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I get it. They have individual stories are they're not
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: being talked about individually. This is a collective movement type
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: of thing that people hear about, and all it sounds
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: like is, Wow, I was married, now I'm not. There's
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: a before and after without the context of what happens
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the before and the after. I'm
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: not crazy about that part. All I see is frumpy, overweight,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: no makeup, terrible hair, supermodel, Yeah, there is.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: It's done.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: So that was tell everybody, well, shit, I just should
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: get divorced. Then I should just get rid of this guy.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: If dudes were.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: Doing this, come on, oh, that would not.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Be Look at my glow up now, look at me now,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: you dog fit six pack.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Now that I'm out of that, look at my skin now.
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's the other thing. Clearer skin.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: People were showing they're like acne. Then once divorced, their
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: skins clear. Basically, all your problems go away. Apparently, once
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: you get divorced, that's the danger in this message.
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: Yes, that is the danger in this mess.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Isn't that the only minute? This isn't seriously Is it
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: about self improvement? Is it about yes, excuse me, outside
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: of the physical, because that seems to be all they're
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: putting out. And when you're talking social media, it is pictures,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: is videos.
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: The pictures.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: But they're saying it's because of internally what has shifted
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: that has allowed the physical to rebound and glow up
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: so to speak.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Now I'm not stressed anymore. So I just lost six
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: sizes in my.
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: Genes, Cortisol levels are down. You're not holding on to
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: all of that.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: Yes, those cells that are just storing fat, they're all released,
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: and suddenly you get thin and fit and gorgeous. Your
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: hair gets folder, your skin gets clearer, wries sparkle more.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah anybody? Okay, No, I think that robes. That is
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: about improvement, self improvement. How do you do that? How
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: do it's all apart? And you can do that while
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: still being married? Can you do that while trying to
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: improve that marriage? I don't know, because everybody has their
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: own situation. But this is not promoting that. Yes, it's
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: not promoting It's.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: About getting rid of the emotional drag, so to speak.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: But look, all relationships and your next relationship, you're gonna
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: have problems.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: It's going to be emotional. It's not going to be easy.
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: It's just the truth.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Just glow up, get rid of every time, every time
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: it's not going well.
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: All right, this is interesting.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: When we come back, I can't wait to hear what
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: you have to say about Jennifer Lopez.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: You love someone who knows divorce stop now.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Just had a recent interview this week about this very thing.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: We'll tell you what she had to say and you'll
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: get TJ's reaction when we come back.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Don't you say nothing bad? But I'm a baby Jelo.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: Welcome back everyone. As we talk about divorced glow ups, it's.
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: A pretty big trend.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: All you have to do is go on to TikTok,
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: put that hashtag in and you'll see exactly what we're talking.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: You're seeing a single male.
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: No, I only have seen women. I haven't seen one man.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: No, And I've seen you know, heterosexual relationships, lesbian relationships.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: It doesn't seem to matter what kind of a relationship
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: you're in. And even people have break up glow up.
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: So it's not just divorce glow up.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: They said heartbreak glow up, break up glow up. So
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: you don't even have to be in a marriage. The
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: point being is once you get rid of that toxic relationship,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: all of a sudden, you look fantastic.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Do they use that term in this is it toxic relationship?
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: I mean they have said toxic.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because look, if you're getting to the point where
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: you're getting divorced or you're breaking up, typically it is
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: fairly toxic.
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: I mean that's just the reality.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: That's just take I In my head, toxic sounds other level,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: like people can be not compatible, fighting, having issues and whatnot, but.
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: It's emotionally draining all of it.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: And maybe that's where the toxicity is, that you're just
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: depleted because it's taking everything out of you. Yes, So
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: j Lo interestingly just had a conversation about breakups and
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: about embracing breakups. She was on a talk show Subway Takes.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: How many times divorce is four?
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: She's had four divorces, I believe, Yes, And she's been
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: engaged six times, I believe.
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: So who knows about breakups?
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: Yes, she's broken up and in one case twice with
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: the same man.
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: Ben Affleck.
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: Only married him once, right, she only married him once,
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: but she was engaged to him twice.
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: So there were two breakups with him?
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: Wow? Right, So yeah, she's had six broken off engagements,
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: some of them were married.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Maybe this is why she looks so good. She always
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: glows up after she's got constant breakups. Jalo glow.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: But she said, she said this, we should have a
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: party when we break up. People should say you broke up, congratulations,
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: because one you made a decision, and two it was
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: probably the best thing for everybody.
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: She said.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: And this is very much different from what we were
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: just saying. Breakups are not a failure. I honestly feel
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: like it's a launch pad into your next best self.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: She's learned a lot of lessons about herself in life.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I soon through all those relationships, those breakups, I guess
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: she had. I you know, I am not going to
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: publicly go against Jalen.
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: Right. Well, and look, I do appreciate what she said
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: in here.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: She said, I feel like the biggest growth spurts I've
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: had emotionally, mentally, physiologically, which is what these glow ups
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: are all.
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: About, have always come from heartbreak. She said.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: You're like, what the f happened? How did I do this?
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: Why do I keep doing this? Or why didn't that
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: happen or what could I have done better? You change
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: yourself And I do agree with that because I have
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: done so much self reflection about where I went wrong,
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: why I chose who I chose, and why I acted
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: the way I did in that marriage.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: And I can't just blame the other person.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: You have to ask yourself, why have I made these
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: choices and why did I behave a certain way that
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: led to part of the broken dynamic?
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Well, can I ask what point do you learn that lesson?
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Or do you never really learn it right? She said,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: you're evolving. What mistakes did I make? Don't make them again?
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: She's six engagements in Why do I.
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: Keep doing this is one of her questions.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not knocking obviously what she said. Why do I
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: keep doing it? When do you stop doing it? So
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I asked you this the recently robes and we didn't
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: get into it was but it's a serious question. Right,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I learned what I did and I got it wrong.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I learned I got it wrong. I got it wrong.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: If you are constantly learning and evolving, how do you
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: know you got it right? How do you know you're
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: not in the same pattern? How do you know you
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: haven't picked now a partner in me That is not
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: the right part. I said that to you big, I'm
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: taking this and I'm not actually feeling that way, but
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: I'm saying in that theory of j LO, I'm learning,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: I'm learning, I'm learning, I'm learning. When do you get
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: it to where you don't have a seventh engagement and
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: a fifth marriage?
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: And that's for her that's probably.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: Very scary because do you trust yourself?
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there it is.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Do you trust that you have learned that lesson? And
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: you know I'm not doing that again?
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: You know. And it's one of these things because we
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: hear people say you know it in your gut, you
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: feel it. But look, even in wonderful relationships, even you
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: and me with like we have to me one of
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: the most solid friendships, and even still when we're not right,
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: when we're fighting, we all I always question it. You're
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: like asking yourself, am I repeating patterns? Am I doing
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: the same thing again? And your gut is all doing
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: flip flops and summer ressaults and you think, oh no,
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: And so yes, there is this feeling of can I
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: trust myself? Am I doing the right thing? I think
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: that's always going to be a part of it, so
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: I don't. I hate the idea that somehow you get
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: the right person and it's all just perfect, and it
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: all just feels good and feels right, and your gut's
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: always telling you you're in the right place with the
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: right person. Nah, even in the right relationships with the
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: right person, you can still have those moments. And I
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: just think I would hate for anyone to be too
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: quick to cut and run because oh see, I'm feeling
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: toxic toxicity in my system again, and now I don't
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: feel right.
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: So this must not be right for me. I need
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: to leave and get a glow up.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Your experience can give you doubts or can give you confidence. Right,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: I've expered well, all right, I've been through this. Ooh,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: this isn't quite right. I better dip out now.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: It's just and I get where Jaylo was coming from
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: and what her Lord have mercy. We've gone along for
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: much of that journey, but she continues to be on it.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: You know how I feel about j Lo, And I
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: love that she hasn't stopped robes, she hasn't stopped pursuing,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: she hasn't stopped going after love. I don't know her,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: what her bad. I don't have no idea what's going
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: on with her. But from Afar Robes, I applaud anybody
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: who keeps trying.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: I do too, because, by the way, you don't have
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: to get married. And I always have thought about this,
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: Like for folks who put a stigma on divorces, Look
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: there was a I actually think it's a beautiful thing.
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: You believed in love, you believed in.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: Commitment, and look, you could have chosen never to get
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: married and keep going from boyfriend to girlfriend of whatever,
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: and people wouldn't judge.
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: You the same way. They might be like, wow, that's
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: weird he or.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: She never got married, but you're not judged the same
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: way you are when you're divorced.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Who's judged most hardly, harshly a forty five year old guy,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: no kids, never been married, dates around or a forty
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: five year old guy twice.
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: Divorced Absolutely the latter of the two.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: Really, yes, because you betrayed your family, you betrayed your wife,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: you left.
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: They always probably assume you're the dog, right, you're the problem, yep, yep.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: And I think anyone who's been divorced more than once
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: that's some serious judgment, you know.
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: And I probably before when I.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: Was married the first time at twenty three, young and naive,
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: if I heard somebody was twice divorce, I'd probably internally
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: roll my eyes, like, oh, like you do, you make
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: a judgment.
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: But now, obviously living that and being that, I.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: See it so differently, and you give people so much
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: more compassion and understand that life is complicated and it's
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: not easy, and it's not.
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: A one size fits all.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: But I do think the whole point is if you
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: can learn, if you can do some internal growth, it's
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: a good thing. And look, divorce is something that is
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: so it is tragic, it is a tragedy. I understand
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: why no one wants to call it a failure because
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: I do think when you get uncomfortable and things break down,
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: that is when you learn the most about yourself. I
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: do agree with that, and I do believe that, and
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: I think we need to give people some grace and
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: understanding that you might not know the road they're walking down,
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: you don't know the house they're living in. And I
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: think that's what I've learned more than anything. And look,
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: anytime someone can feel empowered that it's not all going
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: to go wrong. I don't think you should ever make
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: a decision based on what other people are going to think.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: And so if this TikTok trend gives some people permission
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: or at least some inspiration to know that it's not
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: the end of the world to have a d.
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: After your name.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: In ropes, there are plenty of Yes we're talking about women,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: but people who are in relationships that they need to get.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: Out of today.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but they're probably going to stick in for the
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: next year, two years, three years, for whatever reason.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: It might be.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: You and I were in similar positions but for different
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: types of reasons. But people have really extreme reasons, right
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: they need.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: To get away in some relationships.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: I just I get where this is coming from, and
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I think this will help and it can empower. I
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: just you got to take these things. You got to
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: look past the surface. And right now, the surface is pictures.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: The surface is fun.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: And look at me. Now, it looks amazing.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Divorce looks amazing on this TikTok trend. Okay, with that
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: looks like the best that could ever happen to someone.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: And it can be and it can put you in
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: a better place. The conversation about how you get to
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: that better place is. It's something I love getting rid
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: of a stigma I have shied away from being a
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: part of.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, whether we like it or not, we are.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: A part of pretty high profile divorce in this country
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: and our story was so I haven't talked about divorce
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: in such a way ropes comfortably and openly because it is.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: It's shameful and it's embarrassing.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Divorce twice wants to do that.
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: Nobody that.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: My favorite thing is when people say I never want
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: to get divorced. When I get married, it's going to
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: be forever. Everybody thinks that nobody wants to get divorced.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Nobody does, does nobody does? Here we are but no,
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: this is this. I will keep an eye on this one.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I am very curious about it because it does bro
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: There are people that are celebrating and should and we
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: should celebrate with them that they got out of bad marriages.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: When you just put a hashtag there and not explain
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: the pain you went through and why.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: It can just seem like a flipping thing. Who part
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: of time divorce?
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: No, No, it's not that. But hey, if you feel
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: better and you look better.
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: That's a bonus And with that everyone, we always appreciate
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: you listening to us.
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: I'm Amy Roboch alongside TJ. Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.