Latest / Jess Ask / Transitions & Friendships: Inspired by Insecure |with Desiree Danielle | EP107

Transcript

Transitions & Friendships: Inspired by Insecure |with Desiree Danielle | EP107 · Jess Ask

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica and Smith, and you already
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God for another day?
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Do you already know what it is?
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: And then you know it's about to get real to
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: be sure to show your girl the love and like
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: coming subscribe God.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: For another day? Hey, hey, I know we could be
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: another way.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: What do they do? What do they do at Christmas?
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: Shi hy this morning, on this first day, on the
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: first day of nothing, because we don't do that, because
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: it's your girl, Jessica and Smith and you have entered
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: the safe space.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: We're influencer.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: Just can decompress, have thud and just ass and I
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: have to my left. Maybe you're right, there's a right,
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: does a there's a rate, there's a raise?
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Does a rat? Does a ras a rate? What is that?
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know better? Like some African movies. Let you
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: be throwing it up? What you be throwing up my fingers? Look,
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: oh it's the lord.
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: Wow, the teeth teeth and see listen, you got the
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: rubber bands chained.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Actually I get him actually done and soon Okay, they
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: look good.
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: But drastic is a miracle worker he is because you know,
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: oh baby Babby miss him up everything.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: I can't smile too hard. I can't, I can't, I can't.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: But you know, I'm gonna stay on. I'm gonna stay focus.
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna stay because this is not this is not that,
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: it's not. Okay, right, Okay, how you've been feeling, I'm
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: all right, it's been good. You know, we are progressing
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: along and it's.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Progressing, is uh the correct word.
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: We're pressing, pressing toward the mall were pressing, pressing, all
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: pressing toward the mar Listen, y'all. We're super excited. When
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: y'all know it's just me and Desertrae.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: We just we just hang out. It's hangout day, just
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: hang out. Okay. We're hoping that you're doing well. We're
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: hoping that you're enjoying your week.
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: And you know, just getting full of everything that God
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: has for you.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Guys.
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: But you know, before we get into a conversation or
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: whatever we're gonna do today, I won't say whatever because
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: we do have a plan. I'll be acting like we
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: don't have a plan or some type of plan. I
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: mean sometimes something well, yeah, you're right, sometimes we do,
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: sometime we don't, sometime we do and it don't happen.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: And I love how you talking to that can't see you.
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: Because because we talk, because it's it's it's my time.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: The community Highlight. Yes, I'm doing the community Highlight. And
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: today's community community Highlight, if I can get it out
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: of my mouth, is none other than Krishan Jackson.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Krishian.
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: I have been seeing you on the U and the tube, baby,
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: and you've been commenting and making sure that your presence
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: is known, and so I just want to say thank you.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: We want to say thank you for just being.
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: An active partner, an active community member of this team.
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: My prayer for you is that I just hear the
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: Lord say to pray for her and to enlarge her territory.
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: I pray that God enlarges your territory, that he makes
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: it plain for you to where you are supposed to
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: be and not where you are just needed.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Because sometimes we can just go to a place so
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: oh they need me.
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: They need to know it's your season to not only
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: be needed, but me to desired. It's because you're first
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: of all desired by God, and not only is He
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: showing you where you're desired, but he's enlarging your space
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: there and larger.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Feel loved. Lords, you feel like you're more than enough.
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: And so I come for those spaces where you've been
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: laying endorsement, where you've been laying you haven't been showing
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: up because you say, now, this space is too saturated,
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: this space is not for me. I come for those spaces.
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: I say, go ye therefore, and be obedient to God.
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: Because this is the year of Yes three sixty five,
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: and because you are partnering with us, we have decided
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: to partner back with you and say, go ye therefore,
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: and do as the Lord has commanded over your life.
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: And so we pray, pray many blessings over you, Krishian.
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: We pray that you would do it. That God does
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: exceedingly abundanly above all that he can ask or think,
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: according to his richest and glory.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: We love you over here. Y'all give it up for
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: our girl. Yeah, y'all young, Yeah, love that. Yeah, y'all
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: want to know what funa?
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: The Lord just be driving folks like oh community high
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: like them, and I'm like, Okay, I don't know this folk,
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: these people for real.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I think I've seen Krishan, but I don't know.
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know. Tell about the YouTube beaches. The
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: Lord knows her, he knows. He called her. Listen, that's good,
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: he calls her by name because people sometimes we go
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: around thinking that the Lord is just forgotten about us,
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: for real, for real, like I've I've done it plenty times,
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: like to where I'm like, God, yeah, there's no way
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: that you could be thinking about me right now like that.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I think that's the importance of the community highlight. And
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: the thing about it is, this is so good. We
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: can think that God is not.
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: Thinking about us, but we don't position ourselves for him
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: to prove it to us.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Right. What do I mean by that?
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: Okay, I mean that you're not showing yourself visible to
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: be seen. It's almost how they tell us women, Well
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: you unless you plan on marrying the ups men or
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: the FedEx guy, you gotta be outside, you know. And
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: that really don't mean like I think we like that's
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: I don't mean like you got to be in the clubs.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: And another it's like, hey, like go to the grocery
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: store and put some clothes on, go to home deep
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: her home Deep got a lot of man in the morning.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Do you know go in the morning on especially a
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Saturday morning.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because they get up early. I would like an
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: early rise on because I can't be laying do me
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: and we got too much stuff to do.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it's the same. I think.
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: I think this is just ooh, not only do you
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: have to be visible. So last year my godfather made
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: it very clear. He said, god, baby, you just gotta speak.
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: You gotta say hello, right, so, meaning like you're like
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: almost welcoming the initial invitation, right cause you know it
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: was talking about guys.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: But I'm gonna tipe back to what you're saying.
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: So like most guys is like they may be interested
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: or may see you, may think you're cute or whatever,
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: but they may for whatever reason, may not be as
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: open to saying something, maybe from rejection or they just
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: may not have that personality be like, oh, I'm gonna
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: say something. So when you say hello, it's almost kind
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: of like an invitation to be like, oh, okay, she's
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: she's approachable, she's available to let me just say you know,
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: something back to her, right kind the same thing, like
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: we're in the expectations we can say that to the Lord. Lord,
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: I thank you for whatever you're gonna do today. Just
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: say hello, Just say hello to Lord. Let him know, Hey,
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: I'm an expectation. I'm grateful for all you've done.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: And then you're in position now for him to do
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: your position now, and.
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: That even because I'm seeing, what I'm seeing is like
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: you you went too lighting and stuff?
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: God, What God does is he already has the spotlight
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: in the position. But if there is nothing to spotlight,
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: what's the point of the spotlight, right, same idea as
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: the highlight, right, Like, until whatever person gets on stage,
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: until whatever Q is made, whatever, until the movement is there,
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: there is nothing to enhance. There is nothing to help,
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: there is nothing to highlight, right, And so we gotta
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: be mindful of this. We can't get a lot of
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: enemy like, well, if God is so good, he can
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: call he omni president.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no no, it's a partnership.
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: Partnership, it's a partnership, part free This is so good.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: Sometime we mismanaged free will because we really don't understand
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: what free will is. We think free will is, Oh,
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: I can do what I want to do, not on
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: the debt. But it's like I can I choose to
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: do good whatever. No free will is a partnership free
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: will saying you know what, you're partnering with something, right,
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: it's free, but it ain't that.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: It ain't that free. It's gonna cost something. It's gonna
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: call it's gonna cost you something.
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: And the free will is when you're in and as
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: a believer, you say I have free will, but I
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: really don't because I've been bold, like because everything has
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: been paid for, like my sin, my frustration, the prid,
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: like all of it. It costs something and God already
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: God sent his son to pay for that right. And
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: so we live in this idea of I don't even
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: know how I forgot how we got here, but we
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: live out this idea of a being free, but we
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: really not.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: It's a surrendered life. It's a surrender.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: Like so I know, we went down a whole world
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: that I did not plan on going down.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: But it's okay, all right, So heart.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: Switchologically heart switch, Okay, So y'all, I was watching Saints,
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: y'a already know, I don't care what y'a gotta say,
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: But I was watching Insecure, right, and I had stopped
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: watching it because it had got It was like every
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: other scene was smacking, and I was like, oh my gosh,
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: I can't take all this smacking.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, because I'm human, you know
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: this smacking. Oh Jesus.
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: And I was like, okay, I can, I can. I
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: can't bear this in this moment.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: I can't. You know, I'm not that strong or whatever.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: So it was just too much.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: Even Kirston had said that it was just like what,
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: like why is it every other episod? But then for
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: some reason I felt late to just go ahead and
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: finish it, and I'm glad I did because the smacking
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: the decrease, you thank God. And I'm not trying to
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: sound all holy or whatever, but it was just like
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: a lot like my guy, it was a gate.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: That's not trying to sound out holy. It's just when
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: you're aware.
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: I'm very aware of where I am, yeah, on my journey, right,
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: So I am also very intentional of the things that
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: I listened to, the things that I watch, because you know,
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: I'm very aware where I am on my journey. Okay, yeah,
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: I'm very well well because I ya ya yeah, ya
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: ya okay. But no, So I finished watching The Girl
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: and I was watching the episode where it was like
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: the last season and it was probably the last three episodes, right,
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: So if you know anything about Insecure, y'all chiming to
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: comings because I need to see If y'all don't watching Insecure,
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: have you watched Insecure before? I watched the first three
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: episodes of your first season? Yeah, And I mean it
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: takes you a minute to get into it, because I
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: was like, oh my gosh, yeah, yeah.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I was like, you know, I didn't.
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: I didn't see what the hype was about it first,
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: but after finishing, I was like, I can't understand it.
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: It was relatable, especially with now me being a thirty
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: three year old woman. It's more relatable even now, especially
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: with the topic that we're finna get into today. But
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: so there, if you don't have, if you haven't seen Insecure,
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: is yours? It's on you if you watch it. I'm
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: not I'm not I'm not plugging this. I'm just telling
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: you what this conversation Rudy from so and that we
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: know this is a TV show surrounding like Esa Ray
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: or whatever. She's the main character, and she uses her
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: name as the character. Right, So It'ssa. There's four friends.
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: There's Asa Molly, uh Killing, and Tiffany and all of
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: them have kind of different personalities or whatever. They all
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: went to college together. They even go through the killing,
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: and Tiffany are closer, and then then Molly and Esa
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: are closer. So the dynamic is like really relatable from
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: a standpoint of you know, what actually happens in real life.
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: So so there are some things that happen throughout the
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: season where dynamic of friendships change, especially with Isa and Molly.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Right, but eventually they get to come back friends.
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: And all this stuff like that, and as they're trying
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: to navigate because okay, so so I won't take this
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: too fast. When Molly was going through some stuff, right,
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: Molly needed Jesus and therapy and she.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: Got it okay.
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: And so after going through therapy, she realized about her
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: a lot about herself and why she responded the way
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: she did in relationships and stuff like that. But that
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: in that transition, it frustrated the relationship of her and
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: Isasa because Easa is going through her own stuff. She
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: didn't you know, been in this long term relationship. Broke up,
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: got back together, broke up, got back together, got to
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: move out, Like she going through her own transition, and
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: both of them is frustrated and transition.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: So it's like one thing. It is like I'm going
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: through my own stuff.
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: Now, I got a friend that I don't I don't
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: even know if I know her anymore.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, I don't who is this person?
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: And then or I've hid it or just kind of babysit.
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: Certain things that needed to be called out, and I
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: never called them out.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I never addressed them.
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: I never did all these things that were pretty much beneficial.
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: Now I'm frustrated, and because I'm frustrated with me now,
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: I'm sure in my frustrated. So it was that's a
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: whole nother deep conversation. But in the last three episodes
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: their friends, right, and Molly has this problem, I want
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: this opportunity in relationships and opened herself up to different
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: type of guys, a different mindset and not being limiting
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: herself to who she wants to date. She eventually dates
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: this guy that she hated, like they hated each other,
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: and then they end up getting married.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Right, So that's Molly Kelly.
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: Kelly was is free spirit, Right, Kelly is free spirited.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: She she free?
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, she free and she opened about her free kom Okay,
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: we're gonna kick keep that. But at the end she
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: kind of finds somebody to be free in their own realm, right,
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: So she's free with someone. Just want somebody and not everybody, right,
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: And so she ends up getting pregnant, right, And it's
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: East's watching and witnessing all this. Now, mind you, the
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: whole season, Tiffany been married. Tiffany is one one that's
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: been married. She she ends up having a baby like
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: she's going through the transition. Tiffany has moved like she's
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: going through transition. So they used to Tiffany and her stuff,
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: but now Easter looking like, okay, this is Molly. My
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: is the last person we thought got married because Molly
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: was struggling with marriage, right, and she couldn't get past
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: a point and she was like every man leaves me right.
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: And now we're talking about Kelly, Kelly free open she
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: I mean, Kelly has multiple personalities like she you know,
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: almost like I told this.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Man my name was this, I to like, yeah, she's
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: that type of thing.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: She didne got pregnant and settled telling down with one man,
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: and then Easa is still you know, I would say
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: she's still figuring herself out, but she's not married, she
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: hasn't had kids. And I could sense, like I'm seeing
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: there watching this towards like the last three episodes, and
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: I'm watching this and I'm like, man, this is so real.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: I'm watching.
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: This is real. So if I cry, man, like I
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: really I battled with this. Yeah, I'm watching all my friends,
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: all my friends.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Get married, they're having babies.
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: They you know what I'm saying, they're doing you know, X,
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: Y and Z, and like, I'm they got something that
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: I want And the main thing is legacy, right, And
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: do I believe you can have you can leave a
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: legacy without having kids and stuff like that. I do that,
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: but that's not my choice and hints on my choice.
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: I don't want nor do I think God will has
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: me positioned or signed in that space.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: That's not what I want.
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: And so I was sitting there thinking like, man, how
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: do you really navigate You're trying to transition and to
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: learn who you are because I'm a different Jessica than
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: I was even two months ago. For real, girl, you
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: know I'm a different Jessica. And so I'm trying to
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: navigate that now I'm navigating my friendships being different because
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: even like I haven't gotten married or have a child
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: or anything, but with the podcast, the evolution of podcast
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: has transition a lot of relationships cause it's like, oh,
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: you always busy or you you know you do this,
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: So it's like, how do you navigate the difference? Like
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: I knew you, I came with you at this point
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: of lifetime, but now you're doing this, I don't know
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: where I fit in. Yeah, that's real. That's similar. Like
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: I've had I have a fairly small friend group, like
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: people actually call it like friends and sisters, and it's
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: been that since similar kind of transitions, Like I've had
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: some that's gotten married. I have one that's married and
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: getting ready to have a baby, some that's moved, you know,
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: kind of.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: The same thing.
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: They're excelling in business and business spaces and and here
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: and here. You know, you can get caught up in
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: the the transition of a thing if you're not if
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: you don't know where you are, you know what I'm saying,
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: So like looking at what everybody else got going on.
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: If you're focused on those things, of course it's gonna
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: throw you off and it's gonna put you in your
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: feelings and stuff like that.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: But when we're focused.
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: And we understand where we are, then we can celebrate
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: them where they are.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: It's kind of like me one of my one of
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: my mentors told me one time that he was very
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: specific in telling me that I'm right where I'm supposed
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: to be right. We might think because age, you know,
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: like you're a certain age, you would think if you
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: had you would have already done X, Y and Z,
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: or you'd have been a certain place. But the truth
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: of the matter is if you're aligning with God, like
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: you're right on time. And so I just I just
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: keep reminding myself that for myself, so that I'm not
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: focused on the so I don't have negative thoughts about
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: what everybody else has going on around me. That look
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: that appears that they're excelling, because sometimes people can appear
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: that they're excelling, but it's like, but are they sustainable?
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: What's that? What's that scripture about wh can send to
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: the mountain?
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: But it also says that who can stay there?
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, and it takes it takes a certain
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: process and a certain level of maturity to be able
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: to stay in that space that God has you and
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: not come down from there. That's that's so, that's now,
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: that's real. You said, you said something that's so powerful.
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: Like I was just we was just talking before we
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: started recording about how it's areas of my life that
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: I just don't feel free, right, I don't.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: I don't feel free.
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: And I think that goes back to like how I
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: respond to people. And I know I know that about myself.
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: So any of y'all here listening is I don't need it? Yeah,
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: I told you so, it's just just listen, okay, thanks, Thanks,
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: people get on my nerves. It was like, oh no,
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: just listen, Just take a moment and just listen, all right.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: So what I'm realizing is.
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: That because I haven't necessarily been free in myself by
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: response to others or how I feel of like people
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: view me, is really.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: How I view myself.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: And and I'm even thinking about relationships now. I would
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: say my first my first experience with this big transition
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: thing was with my sister Kendall. And I know she
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: don't mind me saying this. Kendall got pregnant my senior
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: year of college, right, and basically Kimton Kim to tell
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: people I was her baby daddy because we was always
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: I was me and we were on campus. She was pregnant,
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: and you know, nobody knew she would I mean the pregnancy.
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: She ain't show for a long time and nobody could
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: really tell. And so my first transition was that. And
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: in my mind, I won't say, I'm in my mind
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: I was baby daddy, but that's my baby sister. So
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna show up. I'm you know,
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: I'm I can be there now, I'm in Birmingham. We're
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: in Birmingham or whatever. So that was the first kind
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: of like okay, cool. But then when she got married,
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: that that right now, that right there, I won't say
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: it shook me, but my god, it, oh man, I
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: can just when I think about it, I tear up
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: because that was the point in our relationship where we
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: had to that.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: It put a strain on our relationship, not.
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: Because she was married, because but we weren't. Neither one
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: of us was prepared for. She was trying to navigate
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: being a wife, a mother and still like she's normally
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: I need Jessica, I need you know, I want my sister,
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: or I want my dad, I want all this stuff
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: like that.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: But now you've grown, I'm navigating. I've always been there.
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: Just mind you, it's me, her and my daddy, three Musketeers,
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: that it was us, and so before my bonus mom
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: justman came in. She before she came in because I
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: didn't live with the house with hers, so I don't
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: know that dynamic. I only know the dynamic of me,
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: Keinda and my dad, right, and so I'm already I've
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: already had to leave there and then trust another woman
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: with my dad.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: That's a whole no.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: If y'all haven't seen that episode with me and my daddy,
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: y'all need to go watch it. I think it's like
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: in the fifties or something like that last year. But
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: I'm already having to navigate that. But then I'm also
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: having to navigate. Okay, my sister is developing, right, Nobody
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: really talks about that sibling dynamic as far as what
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: happens when my sibling exits the household. That's a grief
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: or the transition within itself that you don't really be
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: prepared for because I'm accustomed to them being there. So
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: Kenda was dealing with new titles, and I'm like, where
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: do I fit in all of this? And I'm not
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: I'm not used to this. And it's not like she
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: catered to me or anything like that. We were just
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: there for each other. And it was like from then,
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: that's ten years ago. From then to now, the probably
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: about the last two years, we've really grown, like being
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: intentional about getting to know each other, because that's ten years.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: Like that, y'all are two different people.
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: We are two different people, but we couldn't put a
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: name to it. Like there were moments where it was like, Okay,
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: you know, I knew my sisters were there, like my
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: sisters always been my best friend. But really in the
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: last two years, I'm like, man, this is what this is.
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: But the both what what you just said. It goes
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: back to what you just said. We're open to learning
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: ourselves and a lot of times we have friendship breakups.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Which are real uh huh.
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: Friendship breakups feel worse than actual breakups. Like I know
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: that because I didnet broke up with one and got
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: we even got a baby. Go y'all didn't break well.
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: I didn't necessarily break up with her. The relationships happened
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: the way it happened. We broke up and we got
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: back together. Okay, I think that story is gonna eventually
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: come out. I just won't say the name right now
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: because it ain't even that deep.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: But I learned through that. She had to learn herself.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: I had to learn myself. I had to be open.
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: So same same dynamic, but Kendall and I decide I'm
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: using Kendall because for one, she doesn't mind me using it.
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: But I've been open about that anyway, Like I have
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: fun with my sister genuinely, Like I couldn't tell you
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: that five years ago, Like oh, I just wanted us
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: to hang out. I didn't think she was interested in
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: hanging out with me, and I thought gon Show wouldn't
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: interested hang out with her. Because I'm finding, you know,
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: I'm learning who I am as a minister. I'm learning
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: who I am ain't God, I'm going through these different relationships.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Like I'm trying to get what she got.
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: If we call the spade spade the last relationship I
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: was in, Like baby, I just knew that man was
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: my husband. I tried, I tried it. I tried it.
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: You know, I wanted I wanted what Kendall had. I
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: wanted to come home.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: And say, hey, babe, how you doing. You want something
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: to eat? Y'all?
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: I want to do that so bad. Okay, okay, y'all
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: I'm a grown woman. Okay, but I wanted to do
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: that so bad. But and I was so focused on
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: what she had versus just learning her in that moment
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: and giving her the freedom to change.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: I ain't. No, I didn't know that.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: I mean, you know, people change, you know that developed,
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: but okay, this is this is the thing I go.
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: I grew up from the west. I'm from the west
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: side of Birmingham. Right, what's that of Birmingham? Me?
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Growing up?
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: I had this other eggs And he was so adam
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: when I was with him when I started college, right,
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: I started college and he gave he called himself giving
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: me an out right, Yeah, giving me an out, basically
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: telling me that I could go to school single, do
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: what I want to do, still talk to him or whatever.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: But still I was like, no, I'm in a community
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: relationship or whatever. I'm not. He was like, well, You're
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: gonna change. I'm like, I'm not gonna change. I ain't changing.
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: I ain't changing. I think girl, because I was rid
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: of dying. Yeah, stupid, I was.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: I was rid of dying thinking that, oh no, I
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: won't I won't ever switch up on you because I'm loyal.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Right, that's a whole other topic. That's the girl.
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: When I tell you, I was like trying to prove
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: proving yourself will get you in trouble. Like just feeling
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: like you always got to prove yourself will get you
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: in trouble. It will make you feel like you gotta
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: work for something all the time. It'll make you feel
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: like just a whole bunch of things. But let me
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: not get into that however, And like I was, I
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: didn't give myself permission to change. So I was thinking that,
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: oh I always had to be the same or whatever.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: So I put that on other people.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: So it's like, oh, me and Kim are always gonna
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: be the same, Nor your relationship as adolescent girls is
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: not gonna look the same as women women.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: We're thirty now, both of us, we're in our thirties,
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: and now we be like girl.
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: Girl. We thought that girl, and we are able to
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: be more transparent with each other because we've accepted that
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: and given permission. Our sales permission to change and grow
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: and develop and then given other people. And I think
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: that's the root of a lot of issues where we
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: can't see we can't see that. Yeah, I think too.
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: It's like you said, it's important that we have space
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: for ourselves to learn and grow. Like it's almost like
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: like you said, give yourself permission to learn, to grow,
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: to change, to shift. And when you can stand and
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: who God is showing that, you're showing you that you are,
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: Like we can stand in that like confidently, then you
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: can be vulnerable and show that to somebody else. Like
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: I think a lot of times, a lot of friendships
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: have friction because we show up as people that were
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: not like we show up as who we think that
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: we need to be for that person, you know what
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: I'm saying versus just like, hey, this me, I got
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: all these calls right here, see my face. You see
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: all of these things. Hey I liked I like ranch
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: and it Talian dressing on my salad. This is just
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: that's just me, you know what I'm saying, and allowing
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: them allow And it's like putting your cards on the
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: table and then allowing y'all to like navigate that space
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: together versus like it being like a facade, you know
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying, Like, we show up this is who
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: I am, you know, with this mask on, and then
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: we can't hold a mask that long.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: You can't navigate change when you don't even really.
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: Actually you're showing up as you're not yourself, you know
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying. Yeah, So, yeah, I think that's one
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: of the things that I've learned, especially in this season,
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: as I've allowed the Lord to rip band aids and
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: things off and just uncover stuff, you know, like I
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: can probably honestly admit that I probably hadn't even really
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: give some of my friends the opportunity to get to
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: know who I was. That's so good, you know what
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: I'm saying, Because I was, you know, hiding, hiding, hiding
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: parts of me or not even really honestly, some of
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: it I just didn't even know, you know what I'm saying.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: But now I feel like I can kind of show up,
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: not kind of.
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: Now I can show up in spaces a little bit
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: more confident as I've learned some things, I've healed through
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: a lot of things, and I'm just open to growing
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: and shifting and also giving people the same space to
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: the same space and the same grace to do the
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: same thing. And that's the important part, Like not only
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: do we need the space, we need to give that
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: space as well. I was talking to Stacy the other
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: day and I was crying, like I was literally telling her,
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: you know that I wasn't free enough to have certain discussions,
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: and I didn't want you her to think that it
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: was because of her in the relationship, and it wasn't,
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: And I use.
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: Stacy's name because she's free to like, so's if I
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: ever say my friend's name, it's because I know that
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: they are comfortable with me doing it.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: So don't try to comfort me or them, you know
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: that westside come out.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: So but no, I was talking to her and I
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: was just like, you know, because she's free, like she's open.
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: But Stacey is also older than me. She's older than
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: both of us. Her son and I are probably maybe
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: two to three years apart, and I'm older a little
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: bit older him. So that's what like, that's how old
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: much older she is to me. But she does not
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: act like it, like she's just she's cool. She she's
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: so cool.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: Like I would never I would have never thought we
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: would be disclosed.
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: But because she has that wisdom, sometimes when we have
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: a conversation or whatever, when she offers certain things, it's
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: like I'm not in a place to understand it or whatever.
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: So it calls me to feel like like she was
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: like sharing so much, and I was just like, wasn't
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: comfortable because I was so embarrassed to what I was
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: going through.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I felt like a disappointment.
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: Disappointment that's that word came up in therapy in the
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: past week and she asked me, like, when you feel
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: like a disappointment, what do you do? And she's like,
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: what did you do when you when you a child?
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: It's like the first word that comes to mind is retreat.
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: And so I've been dealing with that word retreat.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Like just.
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: Leaving people or leaving situations because I feel like a disappointment.
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: And now that I have that recollection, I'm making announcements.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: So I told her, I was like, man, this, I said.
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to be better at saying hey, just randomly
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: saying hey, this what happened. I'm going I'm going through this,
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: or I just found this out about myself. You know
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying, Let me share this or I ain't
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: never I didn't realize I wasn't that comfortable. People think, oh,
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: you got a podcast, so you should be going to No.
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: I listen to my podcast sometimes, like you asking that
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: girl that question, you won't even else. Like literally, I
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: was listening to Brittany and Jalos and I was like, dang,
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: I wish I was free. I'm being so real with
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: y'all right now, I wish I was that free. I
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: wish I was free enough to you know it missed
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: some of these faults or just really tell this story.
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: It's it's a couple of stories. I'm like, bro lord,
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: if you have me tell those, I don't know I
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: have subscribbles anyway, I ain't gonna like.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: To like bruh, broh.
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: But all this and like you say all the time,
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: like the podcast is progressing, the podcast is molding me on,
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: the podcast is pushing me somewhere that I'm just I'm
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: just not used to the podcast, the podcast, but it's
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: more about her than anything, Like it's it's so crazy
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: how God to give us a thing, but really the
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: thing really be for us, even though he's using the
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: thing to do what he needs to do in the
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: space but he's really using it to work on to
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: work on us. O.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, he's working on me.
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: So I've been trying to be like more vocal, and
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: I think I appreciate our relationship so much.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: Because it's been such a safe space. Like from day one,
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: you're weird, but I'm weird too, Like I'm weird. I
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: didn't use the word for culliar for curler.
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you're procured, you procure, Okay, but no, I really,
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: when I think about it, I'm like, man, have I
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: ever really felt safe enough to say, hey, girl, I
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: was just cheated on. I just found this note in
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: old buddy drawer dresser from another woman. What I'm I
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: supposed to do about this? I'll be in you know
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: these real examples I just gave. Okay, I just I
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: just saw a text message and I'm trying to pop off,
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: like what ssh I do? No, I just act because
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: you already know zero two hundred. That's when I am like, well,
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: I won't say this when I am that's what has happened,
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: and uh, I pop off.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: Or I retreat.
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: I retreated the first time I found out cheat on
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: and I thought it was me. You know what I'm saying,
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: but I was so far in that I never let
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: I never let my friends in that space with me
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: because I not only because I felt that if I
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: was gonna be judged, but it was like they weren't
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: dealing with it, you know. And Stacey, Stacey was one
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: of the first friends. She was more open than I was, like, man,
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: like you dealing with this because my friend, honestly before
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: and then my friends were just like, Okay, we went
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: out and we were cool, we were deaft with each other.
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: But when it came to like certain areas of our life,
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: it was like, I want to know note about it.
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: I'm finding found out stuff ten years later and I'm like, well,
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: why you just didn't feel like we was gonna be
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: there for you or why do you feel like we're
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: gonna do this X, Y and Z. And so I
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: was like, man, I was so ignorant to the freedom
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: or the opportunity to share ugly with my friends, And so.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Right out the gate.
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: Being you know, learning somebody like you and being in
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: relationship with somebody like you, a friendship like somebody, he
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: was like, this is weird, but.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: It feels safe, and I don't know how to respond
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: what made it feel safe, though, what do you feel
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: like it was different if you were I don't. I don't.
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: I don't know if I have appropriate I won't say
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: appropriate answer, but I don't. I can't pinpoint it. What
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: the vision I'm having right now is. I don't know
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: if you remember, but we were in a car. We
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: were driving. I think we were driving to coach d house.
• 35:35
  Speaker 4: It was one of one and I just remember. I
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: don't remember what was said. I don't remember what happened,
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: but I think I think it was a moment where
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: I shared some something like I touched on a point,
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: like I experienced this or whatever. We might have been
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: talked about smacking. I think we were talking about smacking
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: and our journey of smacking Christian Okay, yeah, so I
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: think what was it was like weird, but it was like, oh,
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: she you know, she had this experience. I had this experience. Okay,
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: it's safe to say, like, girl.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Was that crazy? When I thought about this or I.
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: Was feeling like this because in the church world they
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: tell you, oh, well, you just don't smack. Well, what
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: do I do with my emotions? What do I do
• 36:30
  Speaker 4: with with getting hot? What do I do with that
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: and so I I if you can ask my sister,
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: I had never talked to her, you know, regarding that topic.
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: I just reasonly started talking to her about that top.
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: I never felt free talking about the topic. And when
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: we talked about it, I was like, well, that was weird,
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: you know, And that was one of our I wanna say,
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: the initial conversations, with our first gatherings together, just talking
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: and just being girlfriends.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: And I never really experienced that.
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: But I can remember that car ride, and so you know,
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: we we built and you've you've heard some really deep
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: things about me, and your response, I will say, your
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: response has helped me feel state remain safe and say, Okay,
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: I know she might not agree with this. I know
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: she might not agree with this, however, and I know
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: she's not gonna come for my neck when I say this.
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: I just don't think we've done a great job as
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: believers really showing the love and the grace of God
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: towards other people. You know what, I'm saying, the same
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: grace that we've asked God for, the same mercies that
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: he's shown us. We soon forget, We soon forget that
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: he's extended that to us, and we choose not to
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: extend it to other people.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: So I think a lot of.
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: Times when you when we enter into spaces that that
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: we feel may not maybe it was safe at one point,
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: maybe something happen and now you don't feel, say for
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: sharing a lot of times it's probably stemming from past situations,
• 38:04
  Speaker 4: from other like relationships where you may have felt like
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: you've opened up and there was a like a condemnation,
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: like a kind of thing, like the response wasn't a
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: responsible love not saying they had to agree with, Like
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: I don't have to agree with what you've gone through
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: to still be able to stind love towards you, you know
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying. And I think we've just haven't done
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: a great job of that. And I'm learning one word
• 38:26
  Speaker 4: that God has brought up very early to me on
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: my journey. So this journey for me, the spiritual journey,
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: is only really started since twenty twenty one. Yeah, but
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: one word that repetitively came comes up is discipleship. Yeah,
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: so I started writing a word down. I was like,
• 38:41
  Speaker 4: I don't even know that I know the Bible said
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: something about make disciples. I don't even know what that means,
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: you know, And so now I'm in a space where
• 38:47
  Speaker 4: I've been kind of getting some sitting in some teachings
• 38:50
  Speaker 4: and stuff and like really understanding like what that really
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: looks like. And it's matter of fact. This past week
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: one of the topics we begin to talk about was
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: on like sanctification and how you know. She was just
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: kind of describing about what happens when you actually receive
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: Christ and then the walk from there. The sanctification part
• 39:10
  Speaker 4: is us coming, uh, getting this body, this mind, body,
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: and spirit in alignment with God. Well, that's a process.
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: Well a lot of times they don't tell you that,
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: like they were like, oh, you saved, Okay, great, stop
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: doing it, Stop doing that, Stop doing They don't talk
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: about they don't talk about the process, you know what
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: I'm saying.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: So I'm just learning that. Man.
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: It's just so much like the same grace that we
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: ask God for, the same grace that we need God
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: for the same mercies that He showed us as the
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: same grace and love that we have to extend to
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: other people. Otherwise we're not being Jesus and the earth.
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: We're not extending exactly what he said, gona disciples, Well,
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: how are you gonna make disciples if brou I'm looking
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: at you and I don't like you because X, Y
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: and Z. You know what I'm saying, And so I
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: just think that's what happens sometimes in friendships and spaces,
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: is we do become judgy. Yeah, we become you know, condemning,
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: situated to do what we want them to do and
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: not just say, okay, this is an area I've been
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: here before. We do like the emotions can come up
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: and you might not you generally might not even feel
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: that way, but the way you're responding, Like, I don't know,
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: and I don't blame people for their response. However, you
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: gotta know that what you say or how you say
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: something at a point in time can like affect people.
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: That's like, it can really affect people. Not to say
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: that you're not right and feeling the way you do
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: it like, that's not that's not what you're saying. It's
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: saying if we're friends, we're doing relationship together, and what
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: the timing of how you feel. Is it the right
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: appropriate time to just spans out on me about that
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: because you disappointed in me?
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: Or is it more important?
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: And that's what Stacey brought up the other she was like,
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: I had to realize, you know, I am, I am,
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: I am older than you, and I have some things
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: on you. She's like, I just want what's best for you.
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: And you said the same thing, you like just because she,
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: y'all said the same thing. It was like, Jessica, you
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: don't see yourself how I see you, and it frustrates me.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: I get that from probably most of my friends. You
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: take my off shot.
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: Stacey was like, you don't. You just don't see yourself
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: the way I see you. And it's like she's no tolerant,
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: Like I'm not doubt she is none. I met my
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: match when I met Stacey House. Okay, I love you
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: in real life, I.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: Met my baby.
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: I thought I was different. She even she does me
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: well okay, but it's just she was. She made she
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: made it clear. It's like, okay, just I have to realize,
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: are you ready for my my impart in that part
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: or and I do. I just need to be here
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: to listen to console you for a moment so you
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: can be open to whatever.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: Because if I'm.
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: Emotional in that moment or if it's a lot going,
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: I get anxiety, y'all. Like anxiety is real I'll sit
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: there and have a differ conversation and can't move like
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: I'd be worried. I'll be ready to pass out like
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: real talk like fear, real bad Like I'm like, okay,
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: but if you know that about me, you know how
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: to manage me, and you know how to you know
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: do that well, and if you love me, you'll help
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: me through that process. But I'm not saying like, I'm
• 42:17
  Speaker 4: not going to mature out of there or fight myself
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: out of there, because I've gotten much better.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: Than what I what I used to be.
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: However, and Coach said, I say, say.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: However, and.
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: If like you say, if I'm knowing myself and then
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: I'm giving you space to be who you are, especially
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: in God, then I think it's That's what a healthy
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: relationship is. It's not pacifying. I'm not asking for pacification.
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: I'm not asking for uh, for you not to call
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: me out on my stuff. You know what I'm saying,
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: Because let me tell y'all something, there's a right look
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: to look at the camera's way say this. Let them
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: see your face. This face is lovely. She is she
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: she looks like the part but the knife that she
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: gives me and I get it weekly. I get knives, y'all. Like,
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: and I see a lot of woman I get knives. Okay,
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: they are like you know the knives where they cut
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: off the raw cows.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: And hens, and yes, but you do it. It's so
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: much love that I'm still here. This is the thing
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: I was thinking about.
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: I had to get to a point so on this journey,
• 43:26
  Speaker 4: on this just walk, I ain't you know, I've always
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: known God, known of God, but now I'm in a
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: space where I am learning to do relationship with him, right.
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: And I recognized that some of the space that I
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: was in.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: Didn't look the same way. Right. So I was like, okay, Lord, if.
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: You're gonna have me out here on this journey, you're
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: gonna have to send me friends, like real friends, right.
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: And so I begin to learn how to categorize people
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: as they entered in and out of my life. Like
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: I was getting frustrated with some of the friendships because
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: I was thinking they are friendships, but they were more
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: like I'm gonna say, a mentorship, right, Yeah, it's like
• 44:03
  Speaker 4: a giving.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: Like a hey this in this space, Hey, this is
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: the place when you poor. Yeah.
• 44:07
  Speaker 4: And so I was needing spaces that was reciprocal, you know,
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: where it was like a give and a gift kind
• 44:13
  Speaker 4: of thing. Right, And so as I just begin to
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: grow and mature, anytime anybody crosses my path now, I
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: always pray about, Hey, God, like what is what is
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: the connection in this relationship? Like it's this a friend
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: that a die And I just truly believe like God
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: places ordain people, ordained friendships in your life. And if
• 44:31
  Speaker 4: that's the case, then He's gonna that's a full reason,
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: which means, hey, You're gonna have to give me the capacity,
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: the wisdom, the understanding to be able to manage and
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: steward this person.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: So, I know I haven't personally dealt I'm not a
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: high anxious person like that just naturally. I'm just like, hey,
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: let's just get what we're doing kind of person. But
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: I know, I know, as I'm beginning to learn Jessica,
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: I know that that's that that happened sometimes, so God
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: has just so I'm like sometimes I don't say nothing.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I just be like, hey, so what we gonna do? Yeah,
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: like what you need? Like, I ain't gonna go back.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: I'm not a confrontational person anyway, so that's not my
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: my nature. But I just believe like the people that
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: God has really placed in my life to do relationship
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: and friendship with, he's given me the grace, and I
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: think and I and I'm prayerful that it's the same
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: way on the other side, you know what I'm saying,
• 45:25
  Speaker 4: Like he's He'll give you the grace to be able
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: to steward the relationship well and to be really to
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: be and really if you really truly understand, really love
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: that person like, then you'll you'll be able to take
• 45:37
  Speaker 4: yourself out of it. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: Most of the times I do want to take my
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: belt off and with you, Yeah, but you stay you.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: I don't see how you do it, because you do it.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: You do it.
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: However, and on the flip side, there are some things
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: that they need I won't say an urgency because she's you,
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: you're good and urgent or whatever, but just need some
• 45:55
  Speaker 4: depth to it that she's like, oh, oh no, we're
• 45:58
  Speaker 4: not gonna pass by the or we're not gonna just
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: oh no, we need to stay right here and we
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: need to do this. So it's like our friendship, our
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: friendship balances so I think all in all this, like
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: as believers in Christ, this is my favorite. This is
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: my favorite scripture Proverbs seventeen seventeen. A friend loves at
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: all times, and a brother is born for adversity. And
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: I believe that when we act Dal's out. There's two
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: things I believe on now, but I'm gonna give you one.
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: A friend loves at all time and a brother is
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: born for adversity. I think friendships birth, sisterhood, brotherhood.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: That's when we become you know, really understand what sister
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: sisters in Christ and brothers in Christ? Are siblings in
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: Christ really means? But it's only born through adversity. Like
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: can I manage your hard times? Can I manage the transition?
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: Can I manage this? And how do I manage it?
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: I manage you through love. A friend loves at all times.
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: I don't lose the love because adversity comes. But when
• 47:03
  Speaker 4: love adversity you leaning hard, it becomes a sisterhood, Like
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: you're my sister, Like I literally like I don't even
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: just say, I mean desertraates my friend. If you ever
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: really talked to me in real life, Like no, that's
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: that's my dog, like, that's my sister.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: Like I will fight you about my dog.
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: But no, I ain't never fought before. But if I
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: had to, I would. I picked a chail for something.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: The Lord. The Lord will be with me with my
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: sleep shot.
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: Okay, come on, but no for real, Like, I think
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: that's where we can find satisfaction in knowing that although
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: adversity comes, all those trials come, all those transition comes.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: That through love we we build and grow and grow best. Good,
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: that's good. This was good, jess Yay, I'm glad you
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: liked that. This was good? How did y'all like?
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: You?
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: Did you like? Y'all? Tell me?
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: Like, let's get real in the comments. You know what
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: I'm saying, because we want to hear. We want to
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: hear from you guys. But we love you guys. We
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: appreciate your time here and just ask the podcast.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: But until next week.
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: Until next time, remember life could be much more simple
• 48:11
  Speaker 4: if you just says peace.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. Since
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: you've made it this far, you might as well connect
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: with us on all social media platforms at the Jessica S.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: Smith. I know I won't see you back until next week.
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: But until then, remember to love always yourself and always
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: thank thank God.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: For one another day. Hey, hey, I know we could
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: be another way. Hey, pray thank God for another day.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: Hey hey, I'm just thankful for another day. Hey another day? Oh,
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: another day wise, another day to get it right, another
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: day to rise up, another day living, another day. We
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: loved ones. I always remember hold it down for a
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: ball one yep