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Lessons - Turning Rock Bottom Into Millions | Heather Monahan - Top 50 Keynote Speaker & Best-Selling Author · Success Story with Scott Clary

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  In this lessons episode, discover actionable strategies for overcoming setbacks,
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  building unshakable confidence, and handling difficult workplace dynamics with grace.
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  Learn how to identify and eliminate negativity, craft your own confidence campaigns,
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  and navigate challenging professional relationships to thrive in any environment.
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  What do you think allowed you when you were fired? You handled it very gracefully. You were,
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  quote unquote, fine. I mean, you built out, you know, you already had a little community.
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  You sort of doubled down on that. But a lot of people that are fired don't always rebound so quickly.
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  So easily, what do you think the difference is between somebody that can be fired, hit like,
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  you know, rock bottom, quote unquote, and still be okay versus somebody who hits rock bottom
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  and stays there for way too long. Well, listen, I'm not a doctor, right? So I don't know,
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  there are some people that maybe they have PTSD, like some people mentally, and I don't ever want
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  to gloss over like, no, that is real. Like some people get depressed, right? And if that happens,
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  you need to go get help. You need a doctor. Some people need medication. What an
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  no shame for any of that. But wherever you are, you have to ask for help raise your hand and say,
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  like, this isn't okay. Sitting around in my house, crying every single day at, you know, for
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  for more than a few days, that's not okay. You need to get help and get out of that. I'm grateful.
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  I didn't have the, I mean, I was sad. I was in shock for sure. Clinical. I didn't have a
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  clinical diagnosis of depression or anything else. So, you know, I was able to pick myself up.
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  I held myself accountable publicly. That's reverse engineering accountability. And for me,
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  that really works. I did the same thing when I wanted to write my second book, but I was like,
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  oh, I'm being lazy. Am I not getting this done? I posted. I've got a new book coming out. I can't
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  wait for you to read it. And then I got bombarded with messages. When is it coming out? What's the
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  title? And that forces me to say, I got to serve these people. I get to get moving, right? So
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  you need to know yourself on some level. What, what is it going to be that's going to help push you
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  over that hump? For me, it was putting that post up that first day, which really started the whole
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  process. And I just knew, listen, I likened it to getting divorced. If no one knows your divorce,
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  no one's going to ask you out. So you need to raise your hands. I'm suddenly single. I got to let
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  people on divorce. Getting fired is no different. No one knew I was fired. There was no big news
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  announcement that went out the day that it happened. I need to raise my hands and say, I've been fired.
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  I'm ready to go to work and find other opportunities who can help me make that happen.
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  So all of this is this trying to think of the best word for it. So you're going through this
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  process mentally to get over this really traumatizing point in your life. And it has to do with
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  putting yourself out there, creating accountability, all this stuff. But what is there anything else that
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  allows you to get to the point where like you have fired your villain in your head? So you're doing
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  all these steps. So what's the point where you like close the book and you're like, I fired the villain?
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  I mean, gosh, that's like a deep question because the most important villain you're ever going
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  to fire is the one between your own two years, in my opinion. Like that's where the negative
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  self-talk comes. That's you have more thoughts in a day than any conversation you have with anybody.
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  Like it's really down to you. However, I've learned it's easier to tackle that villain when I get rid
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  of the ones that are around me because if they're around me, they're feeding the one within me.
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  And I'm never going to get out of that. Do you mean like actual people? Or do you mean thoughts,
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  influences? What do you mean? I mean, when I was working side by side with people that would
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  smile at me and stab me in the back every chance I got. Those were villains in my life, right? And
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  when I work with people like that, the negative inner thoughts that I had were amplified times 100
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  because they're just feeding, helping to feed and grow that negativity within my own mind.
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  Once I removed all of them from my life, I created an opportunity in space for positive people
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  start showing up. When I was surrounded with positive people that were my champions, those negative
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  thoughts stopped. They certainly got down to a much lower level. And then I was able to get
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  clear and say, oh, I need to get rid of the rest of these inside. That makes sense. And one thing
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  that you also do, and this ties back to confidence before, but it's also playing to
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  firing your villain, how do you run these confidence campaigns? You have confidence campaigns that
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  help you again, solve for this. So what does this actually mean? Okay. So I was in the advertising
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  business for 25 years media, right? So my job was to drive revenue. That means I would go meet with,
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  you know, GE and talk them about ad campaigns to sell their newest dishwasher. I'm making it up,
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  right? So one of the things that I learned became very proficient in being successful and helping
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  people create strong ad campaigns. Well, you need to have a great call to action. You need to have
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  a jingle that people it's going to get into people's mind that they're not going to be able to
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  forget you, right? You need to be when you couple an audio message with a visual. It's much more
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  powerful and impactful. I just use all of these steps that I have learned through creating ad campaigns
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  for customers. And I created an ad campaign for myself. I talked to you a little bit about this.
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  I was working side by side with a CFO who didn't like me. She wasn't overtly in my face.
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  She was covertly and passive aggressive, very passive aggressive, very behind the scenes,
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  very much stab in the back. That made it more challenging. I'm a very outgoing person. So when
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  I did confront her a couple of times, Hey, I feel like something's wrong. You're not responding
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  to my email. It feels difficult to work with you. Did I do something that upset you? Can we
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  clear the air and she'd smile? No, I was fine. And so I didn't know how to fix this problem.
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  And I never thought remove yourself from this environment. You're at the wrong table. You're
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  sitting with people who don't support you and aren't encouraging you. They're trying to sabotage you.
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  So I stayed in an environment where someone was sabotaging me and it was just, it was eroding at
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  my confidence in a very silent because you feel like you're going crazy. You feel like you're going
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  crazy and you just don't feel as good about yourself. Because you know why? I knew somewhere
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  down deep. I needed to leave. I never pulled a trigger and I didn't do it. So every day that I'd
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  show back up at work and see some other BS that was going on, I felt worse about myself. And so I
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  became a B rate version myself. I started thinking if I dim my light a little bit, maybe to allow
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  her to shine a little bit more. And that got on my head, right? So all these whore dimmer lights
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  never going to make the world a more positive place where that is never the answer. So I was doing
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  all the things that I neatly knew were wrong and hopes I could impact how she felt about me.
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  You can't make someone feel positive about you, right? But I was just in not in a good
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  head space at the time. Cut to, I decided, hey, Heather, this is out of control. Like, what are you
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  doing? You need to change this. And so that's when I had this coming to meeting with myself. I said,
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  run an ad campaign for yourself about yourself and start boosting your own confidence. And so that's
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  what I did. My call to action was fear is a green light that means go and go faster. I created the
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  vision, which was that life size cut out of me. I married it with the I am Kendrick Lamar song,
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  which is like, I love myself. But I did all the same things I would do for my clients and customers.
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  I did it for me. And I played it on repeat seven to 10 times the day because frequency sounds
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  and ingrained in your mind. And so I would focus on this. I would own my monitors every day. I am
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  confident. I am powerful. I am good enough. Like, I went back to the basics. I started writing in
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  the bottom of my shoes. I can. I will. Like, I really, I put the work and the effort in to something
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  that I don't think people necessarily think about every day. Like, how am I working on my confidence
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  today? I did. I think many people do. No, I don't think they do. But because if you really get
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  literal and focused on it, you can do it. Anyone can do it. And I definitely did it. So,
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  luckily for me, I did that about a month before she fired me. And think as I had been working
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  on my confidence, I was a much more confident version of myself when I went in when she fired me.
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  And she was rude and, you know, all smiles and laughing when she was firing me. And one of the
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  things I've learned is never react only respond. And when you're in a difficult situation,
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  you need to take a breath and pause. But when you react, you're allowing someone else to control
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  you. And so I wouldn't let her control me. And I was able to pause and have grace and smile and
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  say, you know, if you have nothing else to say to me, I'll be leaving. And I handled myself with
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  a lot of confidence and grace in that moment, which I'm really proud of. You know what I think
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  so smart that you work on this actively, because I think actually with confidence,
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  just to your point that you just made, I think what a lot of people do is they always want to be
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  more confident. Everybody wants to be more confident. But they only ever test themselves when they
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  get in the arena and in a high tension conversation or an argument. And they measured, okay,
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  well, I didn't screw that one up too much. And that's not my new measure of confidence. But it's
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  like the only way I can equate that to is if you like stepped on for like an MBA, I'll start
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  game and you didn't practice all season or planning games. And then like, that's how you measure
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  your performance. Yeah. Because you don't put yourself in situations where you're actively trying
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  to learn and grow. And this is like not just confidence. This is anything that is like a soft
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  skill. People just kind of flippantly do it whenever they're asked to do it, but they never practice
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  doing it. I love this. I want to ask because now, you know, as you tell me this story,
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  when we first started, we're speaking about women supporting women. And some of your story
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  really resonates with me because I hear stories of other women executives that are dealing with
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  things. I'll give you a story. Obviously, we'll not name names, but this I want you to give advice
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  in the situation. So I have a really good friend. She's very, very successful. Multiple exits.
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  She sold two three three companies. So she's thinking about going into a new president role.
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  And there's the founder of the company. He has a chief strategy officer and then she'd be the
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  president. And the chief strategy officer is that passive aggressive. She's been there for 15
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  years. She's like everything you just said, but she's not like explicitly being an asshole.
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  It's just like you can tell that she doesn't want the new woman in there. And it's really sad
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  because it's like a great opportunity. So what do you do? Do you walk away before it? Because right
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  now we're in like the, I'm not even sure if I want to do this stage. That's where she's at.
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  She hasn't taken it yet. She needs to have a 101 conversation with a chief strategy officer.
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  Yeah. That's the only way to deal with it. But what if she is gaslighting? What if she is passive
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  aggressive? Then you can't work side by side with that person. Then it's then it's up to you.
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  I would go in and have the conversation with the person first. Give that person the benefit
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  of the doubt, right? Sometimes we only let maybe the person scared and jealous. We don't know.
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  But maybe once this woman calls around and says, Hey, I just want to clear the air. I feel like
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  you're not excited about me being here. Have I done something to fend you? Is there a way you think
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  you and I can work together and flourish together? Or do you think that this is something that we
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  can't, you know, stick, stick together to work out? Find let that person empty. They're fast.
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  Faith to face. We won on one. Don't do that in front of somebody else. Then
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  what that person empties their glass and they say, You know what? I didn't realize I was being
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  an asshole. You know what? I'm intimidated by you. Thank you for bringing this mic. It could
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  be a million different things or it could be. I don't know what you're talking about. And if
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  if that's it, then we know that person is not going to change. They are going to keep this. This
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  is the culture of what's acceptable. And if that person's thriving, succeeding at that level,
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  that's what's accepted in that organization. That is not the organization for you.
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  Thanks for tuning in. If you found this valuable, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so
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  you never miss an episode. And if you want to dive deeper into this conversation, check out the
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  links in the description to watch the full episode. See you in the next one.