Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Countdown to Love Island USA Finale: How Does Your Family Influence Your Relationship?

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Countdown to Love Island USA Finale: How Does Your Family Influence Your Relationship? · I Do, Part 2

0:02
Speaker 1: Hey, they're folks. It is Saturday, July twelfth, and we
0:06
Speaker 1: are down to the final four on Love Island USA.
0:10
Speaker 1: After Ace and Shelley got booted out of the villa.
0:14
Speaker 1: But before they left, Ace and Shelley and the rest
0:16
Speaker 1: of the couples once again taught us some very very
0:21
Speaker 1: valuable relationship lessons. And with that, welcome to this Love
0:24
Speaker 1: Island edition of Amy and TJ, where we go beyond
0:27
Speaker 1: the bods, the hot bods, the kissing games, and the
0:29
Speaker 1: hideaway Suite to identify the real relationship lessons sprinkled throughout
0:33
Speaker 1: the show. There were several sprinkled throughout the show, but
0:37
Speaker 1: Robes we have to start with. I give them credit
0:41
Speaker 1: for Love Island USA. It was the best moment I
0:44
Speaker 1: have ever seen on any episode of any season of
0:47
Speaker 1: this show, having the families.
0:49
Speaker 2: Come That's right because before we had seen in previous
0:52
Speaker 2: seasons they would have the families come in on FaceTime
0:57
Speaker 2: or video chat, but we've never seen them the condestance.
1:01
Speaker 2: That's a long way to go. They're in Fiji, so
1:03
Speaker 2: they would have zero expectation that their family would be
1:06
Speaker 2: able to travel thousands and thousands of miles. But that
1:09
Speaker 2: was a really cool, special and humanizing moment where I
1:13
Speaker 2: think people have treated a lot of these contestants as
1:17
Speaker 2: realities shows stars or Instagram influencer wannabes, and this was
1:22
Speaker 2: such a human moment that everyone could relate to.
1:25
Speaker 1: What was the word you used to use? They said,
1:26
Speaker 1: they treat them contestants reality stars and use one more influencers.
1:31
Speaker 1: So it's easy to talk shit about those people. It's
1:35
Speaker 1: easy to insult them, it's easy to send hate when
1:38
Speaker 1: you see them as contestants or celebrities or influencers. But
1:43
Speaker 1: when you see them as brothers and sons and human beings,
1:50
Speaker 1: it's harder to talk about them the way you do.
1:53
Speaker 1: This was the most humanizing moment, and it's too bad.
1:56
Speaker 1: We need that before we start acting right. But it's
1:59
Speaker 1: not lady people. If we can stop labeling people as
2:02
Speaker 1: a thing. He's a contestant, he's an influencer. No, he's
2:07
Speaker 1: a son, he's a brother, he's a good guy.
2:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a sister. She's a mother. You know, Huma,
2:13
Speaker 2: who's gotten Hudah, excuse me, Hudah, who's gotten so much hate.
2:17
Speaker 2: She's a mom. And all of that was just brought
2:20
Speaker 2: home in this episode. And real tears. Chris breaking down
2:24
Speaker 2: on his mama's shoulder. That was real, and that just
2:28
Speaker 2: shows the emotion and a lot of the intention that
2:31
Speaker 2: I think people were putting to another space. Actually, some
2:34
Speaker 2: of these folks really were here and found love and
2:37
Speaker 2: found friends and found a place a place to belong.
2:42
Speaker 1: So once again, no surprise. Again, we watched these shows
2:45
Speaker 1: often differently with this is not a guilty pleasure for
2:48
Speaker 1: the most part, might have started that way, but all
2:50
Speaker 1: of a sudden now it's become relationship counseling and therapy
2:54
Speaker 1: and recognition. So yes, Ason Shelley left last night, But
2:57
Speaker 1: a big part of the show was, of course the
3:00
Speaker 1: families being there, and family, as we know, is a
3:02
Speaker 1: big part of any relationship any of us have ever
3:05
Speaker 1: been in. So several lessons and several questions we should
3:09
Speaker 1: all be asking ourselves that they showed us last night.
3:12
Speaker 1: One of them, when do you introduce somebody to your family?
3:16
Speaker 1: Another question, how important is that family approval in your relationship?
3:21
Speaker 1: Also can that family and friend approval ultimately be a
3:25
Speaker 1: bad thing? Also ask yourself this, how do you sleep
3:29
Speaker 1: next to your partner every single night? And does it
3:33
Speaker 1: matter at all? These are just a few of the
3:36
Speaker 1: lessons rope. Let's start at the top. Look, they're in
3:39
Speaker 1: a different scenario because they only there for six weeks,
3:42
Speaker 1: different timeline and all that. But in the normal, in
3:45
Speaker 1: the real world, you're gonna tell me it's different for everybody.
3:48
Speaker 1: But let's go generally. I mean, is there a time
3:51
Speaker 1: that's too soon to be introducing to absolutely? Really?
3:55
Speaker 2: Oh yes? Oh wow, I've introduced people to my mom
3:57
Speaker 2: way too soon, And I believe you've heard about it
4:00
Speaker 2: soon though, Like I mean.
4:01
Speaker 1: No, no, are we talking days, weeks or just it might
4:05
Speaker 1: not be ready, you know, for your own sake, I'm
4:08
Speaker 1: not in a good enough position with this person to introduce.
4:11
Speaker 1: Is that what the measures you?
4:12
Speaker 2: Well, it could be. But also I've had the experience
4:14
Speaker 2: of I might have been ready, but my parents weren't,
4:17
Speaker 2: and so that actually was something that I should have
4:20
Speaker 2: considered that I didn't do in the past that actually
4:23
Speaker 2: ended up being a problem.
4:24
Speaker 1: Okay, I have to stop there. How do you know
4:26
Speaker 1: when your parents aren't ready? Because folks are listening to this, Okay,
4:30
Speaker 1: I'm ready, my partner's ready, but my parents aren't ready.
4:33
Speaker 1: How do you know that?
4:36
Speaker 2: You have to ask them and I think that I
4:39
Speaker 2: have moved past that. In my enthusiasm, I didn't consider
4:43
Speaker 2: where they were and how they thought about me and
4:46
Speaker 2: where I was, And a lot of times in retrospect,
4:49
Speaker 2: I can say this, your parents know best. They know
4:51
Speaker 2: that it's too soon after a breakup, it's too soon
4:54
Speaker 2: after a divorce, it's too soon after everything, and so.
4:57
Speaker 1: You're never going to listen to that.
4:58
Speaker 2: Of course I didn't, okay, but it still was undermining
5:01
Speaker 2: the whole situation because I pushed, I pushed, I pushed.
5:04
Speaker 1: Your parents told us it was too soon. Now it
5:06
Speaker 1: wasn't too soon to meet them. We obviously have been
5:08
Speaker 1: hanging out with your parents many many years before you
5:11
Speaker 1: and I ever started dating. But as far as you
5:13
Speaker 1: dating someone else, they told us it was too soon.
5:16
Speaker 1: That's different from this and introduction. But still parents do
5:18
Speaker 1: chime in on what they think is the right time
5:20
Speaker 1: they do.
5:21
Speaker 2: Yes, you've known my parents for a decade, so that
5:23
Speaker 2: was not even an issue at all. But yes, I
5:26
Speaker 2: think everyone likes to see their children at least get
5:31
Speaker 2: to know themselves and understand what they've just been through
5:33
Speaker 2: before they enter into another relationship.
5:36
Speaker 1: But the introduction part for the parents, I didn't think
5:39
Speaker 1: about it that way. The parents aren't ready to meet
5:41
Speaker 1: whoever you might be dating for whatever reason. Maybe they
5:44
Speaker 1: like the last person you were dating a lot, and
5:46
Speaker 1: we're not ready for the new guy. But it was
5:49
Speaker 1: always for me, just a matter of when this person
5:52
Speaker 1: I'm dating became relevant enough to meet. Like, you don't
5:55
Speaker 1: get the pleasure. You don't get that upside. Don't get
6:00
Speaker 1: that you don't get that privilege of meeting my parents.
6:05
Speaker 2: It's incredibly intimate to meet someone's parents because you learned
6:08
Speaker 2: so much about the person you're dating. You learn about
6:11
Speaker 2: who was raising them, what their values are, what their
6:14
Speaker 2: family family dynamic is, and all of that is very
6:18
Speaker 2: obviously it's instrumental. It's you have to know that. I
6:21
Speaker 2: think at least it makes a huge difference and me
6:23
Speaker 2: understanding You didn't you say this. You understood me more
6:27
Speaker 2: when you got to know my parents more, or when
6:29
Speaker 2: you got to know you're like, oh, I see why
6:31
Speaker 2: she does this, I see why she reacts like that.
6:34
Speaker 1: It's helpful. It's not not helpful. The understanding, Yes, it's helpful,
6:39
Speaker 1: but in saying okay, I can give her a break
6:41
Speaker 1: on that, you see where it comes from. It does
6:44
Speaker 1: with your daughters as well. The time I spend with
6:47
Speaker 1: Anna Lease and Navel now it all and with your mom,
6:51
Speaker 1: I see a circle circle.
6:56
Speaker 2: Yes, hear that, And it's funny too, Like getting to
6:58
Speaker 2: know your dad and seeing his eight grills and how
7:01
Speaker 2: he prepares a meal for thirty when there's four of us,
7:04
Speaker 2: and him wanting to get everywhere an hour before he's
7:07
Speaker 2: supposed to, and seeing your sister saying, Dad, please don't
7:10
Speaker 2: get there so early. I understand why you TikTok the
7:13
Speaker 2: way you do, And even seeing your mom's quiet but
7:18
Speaker 2: all knowing personality, and then when she does chime in,
7:21
Speaker 2: everybody better listen. You see the traits of each and
7:25
Speaker 2: then you're like, that's why he's like this, that's why
7:27
Speaker 2: he does this, and you can understand it.
7:29
Speaker 1: So on this point of when to introduce, does it
7:32
Speaker 1: really it's hard to put a number or time on it.
7:35
Speaker 2: I think it does.
7:35
Speaker 1: Is it really is the most relevant point? When I'm ready,
7:40
Speaker 1: when the person i'm dating's ready, Oh, when my parents
7:43
Speaker 1: are ready, Like all those have to be factored in.
7:46
Speaker 2: I guess I think it has to be factored in.
7:47
Speaker 2: But I do believe when you want this person to
7:51
Speaker 2: be a significant part of your life, when you want
7:53
Speaker 2: to bring them to the family barbecue, when you want
7:55
Speaker 2: to bring them to church, when you want that's when
7:57
Speaker 2: you want to introduce them to your family first. But
8:00
Speaker 2: it's I think it's so individual.
8:02
Speaker 1: How important though another thing the other lesson so as
8:06
Speaker 1: you could pluck out from this last episode, episode thirty four,
8:09
Speaker 1: that just aired on Friday night, how important is and
8:14
Speaker 1: should family approval be, no matter what your no matter
8:19
Speaker 1: all of us want it. Don't we want our family
8:22
Speaker 1: to like the person we're dating.
8:25
Speaker 2: I just my experience has shown if you had asked
8:28
Speaker 2: me this question twenty years ago, I would have said
8:31
Speaker 2: I'd like for it to be something that they approved of,
8:36
Speaker 2: but it wouldn't be a make or break for me,
8:38
Speaker 2: And that is how I have operated. And look, if
8:41
Speaker 2: I had followed my family's feelings or advice beforehand, I
8:44
Speaker 2: probably would have made fewer mistakes in my life. But
8:47
Speaker 2: I think sometimes you have to go through those on
8:48
Speaker 2: your own to figure out what you need and what
8:50
Speaker 2: you want, and mistakes are a part of learning and growing.
8:53
Speaker 2: So I do think it's very important, but I don't
8:57
Speaker 2: think that you should make or break a relationship based
9:01
Speaker 2: on your family's films because they don't know the person
9:03
Speaker 2: the same way you do.
9:04
Speaker 1: And we bring this up because in last night's episode
9:08
Speaker 1: of Almost Said Family Guy for some reason, if we're
9:11
Speaker 1: talking about family, last night's episode of Love Island, we
9:15
Speaker 1: saw so many couples almost flip a switch when the
9:18
Speaker 1: families got there and for them to get support from family,
9:23
Speaker 1: they went back into their relationship renewed and almost with
9:28
Speaker 1: a new energy and optimism about making it work.
9:31
Speaker 2: There's nothing better then, especially because everyone has doubts from
9:35
Speaker 2: their relationships, don't we all? Don't we all question? Wait?
9:37
Speaker 2: Is that the right person for me? Should I be
9:40
Speaker 2: in this relationship? That is a very real and common
9:43
Speaker 2: and maybe even frequent thought that goes into a lot
9:45
Speaker 2: of folks's minds. But when your family says I've been
9:48
Speaker 2: watching and I've been watching every good think about the
9:51
Speaker 2: window into their world these families have had that most
9:53
Speaker 2: people never You and I would never get to see
9:56
Speaker 2: what's going on in our children's lives like this, or
9:58
Speaker 2: have access to the relationship like these families have. So
10:01
Speaker 2: to have had that access and to be able to say,
10:03
Speaker 2: I like her, I like her with you, I like
10:06
Speaker 2: the way he looks at you. That is so reassuring.
10:10
Speaker 2: I can't think of anything more reassuring than that, Because
10:12
Speaker 2: the person who loves you the most, who thinks you
10:14
Speaker 2: should be treated the best, is saying, Hey, this guy
10:16
Speaker 2: that I've been watching, he's the right guy. He's a
10:19
Speaker 2: good guy for you.
10:20
Speaker 1: That's how huge important is that you know? I should
10:24
Speaker 1: ask it this way. I think you already answered it.
10:27
Speaker 1: Have you ever? Have you ever and yes, you have?
10:31
Speaker 1: You've continued with someone in a relationship that your family
10:35
Speaker 1: didn't want you to and they have disapproval. Yes, Now,
10:38
Speaker 1: have you ever gotten out of a relationship with somebody
10:43
Speaker 1: that your parents wish you'd continued? Did they love this boyfriend?
10:48
Speaker 1: They were crazy about him, and like, oh crap, it's
10:50
Speaker 1: gonna piss my parents off if I have to, if
10:52
Speaker 1: I when I break up with this dude because they
10:54
Speaker 1: like him so much.
10:55
Speaker 2: I've never had that experience.
10:57
Speaker 1: Okay, your parents, now.
11:00
Speaker 2: It's always been the opposite.
11:04
Speaker 1: As it was coming out, you can see my eyes
11:06
Speaker 1: going up as I was talking my way through.
11:08
Speaker 2: That is this crazy of me to think, But it
11:11
Speaker 2: seems like when it comes to parents and gender, like
11:15
Speaker 2: most people don't think any guy is good enough for
11:18
Speaker 2: their daughter. But I think a lot of dudes are like,
11:20
Speaker 2: she's good for you, she grounds you, she takes care
11:23
Speaker 2: of you. I think a lot of times I would
11:25
Speaker 2: see more of like the male's parents supporting the woman
11:28
Speaker 2: saying she's good for him, and a lot of the
11:31
Speaker 2: female the girl's parents thinking a guy isn't good enough
11:34
Speaker 2: for her.
11:34
Speaker 1: Why because the question is the same, but the thought
11:37
Speaker 1: is the same whether if you're the parent of a
11:39
Speaker 1: boy or parent of a girl, you want that boy
11:42
Speaker 1: and that girl to be taken care of. Yes, So
11:46
Speaker 1: when the boy is being taken care of by his woman,
11:49
Speaker 1: it's what it's an emotional care. And from the woman's side,
11:54
Speaker 1: is he going to be a protector and a provider? Yes,
11:56
Speaker 1: you think about that stuff first and when you break
11:59
Speaker 1: it down in that way. And what we saw on
12:01
Speaker 1: the show, it was so interesting to see Chris and
12:04
Speaker 1: Hudah in particular, Chris was nervous as hell.
12:07
Speaker 2: Oh he was sweating it. You even pointed out his
12:09
Speaker 2: body language before he because they didn't know which family
12:12
Speaker 2: members were coming or friends. So he was in almost
12:16
Speaker 2: fetal position as much as you can be when you're
12:18
Speaker 2: six eight. But you said look at him. It's like
12:20
Speaker 2: he's a kid who's in trouble.
12:22
Speaker 1: Totally recoiled. He totally was sitting there in the corner
12:26
Speaker 1: like he was being punished and scared. It's weird to
12:28
Speaker 1: see from his six eighth brother doing that. But he
12:31
Speaker 1: was worried that they have seen how Hudah has behaved.
12:35
Speaker 1: He knows his mama and his sister. He got girls
12:38
Speaker 1: coming to her.
12:39
Speaker 2: He kept saying, my people woo.
12:41
Speaker 1: So we were all nervous, and I thought it was
12:43
Speaker 1: gonna go one of two ways when it comes to
12:44
Speaker 1: black women in my experience and my aunt's, my mama's sister,
12:48
Speaker 1: They're either gonna totally embrace and love or are they
12:52
Speaker 1: gonna say hell gnaw and reject. There's very little middle grounds. Yea,
12:57
Speaker 1: I have found. But black women just nurtured that they
13:00
Speaker 1: are and they recognize and they related to her.
13:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually I was My heart warmed.
13:05
Speaker 1: You know what.
13:06
Speaker 2: I thought was so cool that they could see somebody
13:08
Speaker 2: who was acting childishly at times and toxically at times
13:13
Speaker 2: and said, you know what, we know her, we understand her.
13:17
Speaker 2: She's a single mom, she's been through a lot of shit,
13:19
Speaker 2: she's had a lot of shitty relationships, and they related
13:22
Speaker 2: to her and they recognized, which I loved her growth,
13:25
Speaker 2: her growth. They were proud of their son for being calm,
13:28
Speaker 2: cool and collected, and that was so cool. So he
13:31
Speaker 2: got props from being really that steady, emotional person who
13:35
Speaker 2: she needed in that moment and allowed her to grow.
13:38
Speaker 2: And so they appreciated what he did and they were
13:40
Speaker 2: proud of him. They said, Mom raised you right, and
13:42
Speaker 2: that was so good to see. But they also liked
13:45
Speaker 2: and loved how Judah evolved and recognized it took some time,
13:51
Speaker 2: as it always does, that she wasn't behaving properly in moments.
13:55
Speaker 1: Family and friend approval is so critical, and I'm thinking
13:59
Speaker 1: of myself in that matter I.
14:02
Speaker 2: Have.
14:03
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever had my parents expressed to
14:06
Speaker 1: me like, uh uh.
14:08
Speaker 2: This is not somebody I was just gonna ask you that.
14:11
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm thinking back to high school now
14:13
Speaker 1: at this point, I think that might have been somebody
14:15
Speaker 1: in junior high. My mom wasn't feeling like that girl's trouble.
14:18
Speaker 2: But do your parents. My impression of them is that
14:21
Speaker 2: they trust your judgment and they would never want to
14:24
Speaker 2: question it.
14:25
Speaker 1: That's fair. I think certainly my adult I think that's fair.
14:30
Speaker 1: My mom is the one she'll raise a red flag
14:32
Speaker 1: and a heartbeat. She's done that throughout my life. But
14:35
Speaker 1: I don't have many certainly in my adult life and
14:38
Speaker 1: serious relationships have they raised red flags about it? So
14:41
Speaker 1: maybe I've I don't know in that regard, I've brought
14:44
Speaker 1: decent enough people home.
14:45
Speaker 2: I do feel like, tell me what your impression is
14:48
Speaker 2: that both of our parents are rooting for us like
14:51
Speaker 2: heaven in a relationship, yes, oh, yes.
14:52
Speaker 1: Yes, yes. But I have never been in a relationship
14:57
Speaker 1: where I felt unsupported by my parents either, I say,
15:00
Speaker 1: I'm always supporting. I've never been in a relationship where
15:02
Speaker 1: I felt they were rooting weren't rooting for it.
15:05
Speaker 2: I have had that experience when my parents were actively
15:08
Speaker 2: rooting against a relationship. And they've expressed it to you,
15:12
Speaker 2: not towards you, towards other people.
15:15
Speaker 1: I'm nervous, not because I know they ain't shy about it.
15:17
Speaker 2: No, no, they're not. And the thing is they are
15:19
Speaker 2: absolutely rooting for us and for you. They like you,
15:22
Speaker 2: they love you so yes, I and look they would
15:25
Speaker 2: tell me if they weren't.
15:27
Speaker 1: But the other lesson or the other question. At least
15:31
Speaker 1: that they Love Islanders made us think about is can
15:34
Speaker 1: family and friend approval end up being a bad thing? Yeah.
15:49
Speaker 1: We pick it up here with this idea of family
15:51
Speaker 1: approval after the episode of Love Island last night, episode
15:54
Speaker 1: thirty four, in which we saw I go down to
15:56
Speaker 1: the final four. These are the ones that will be
15:58
Speaker 1: of course in the finalely now that America will vote
16:02
Speaker 1: on for the finale on Sunday. But we're talking about
16:05
Speaker 1: family approval. Friend and family approval can be a good thing.
16:07
Speaker 1: We saw ropes in the last episode, how it kind
16:09
Speaker 1: of switched turns some relationships around.
16:12
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Hudah and Chris were all bowed up after
16:14
Speaker 2: their families and before they were sitting on opposite sides
16:17
Speaker 2: from They couldn't have been further away from each other,
16:19
Speaker 2: like ooh, this is not going to be good. And
16:21
Speaker 2: at the end they were all over each other.
16:23
Speaker 1: Mama showed up, friends showed up, sister showed up and
16:26
Speaker 1: say we like you guys, and all of a.
16:28
Speaker 2: Sudden boom, approval meant everything, So it.
16:31
Speaker 1: Can mean everything. My opposite side of that is what
16:34
Speaker 1: happens when you're in a relationship. Maybe you've been married
16:37
Speaker 1: five years, ten years, your family is close to this
16:40
Speaker 1: guy or this gal. Can that also be a bad
16:43
Speaker 1: thing and that you're staying in a relationship that's not
16:46
Speaker 1: good necessarily for you, but you don't want to disappoint
16:49
Speaker 1: so many other people who are who have a good
16:51
Speaker 1: impression of your spouse.
16:52
Speaker 2: And the answer to that is yes. And I think
16:54
Speaker 2: in my experience it was children. It wasn't necessarily brothers
17:00
Speaker 2: or family members who were rooting for or wanting you
17:03
Speaker 2: to stay together because they liked the person you were
17:05
Speaker 2: with as much as they like you. But I think
17:09
Speaker 2: kids can throw that into the mix as well, where
17:12
Speaker 2: you know your children love somebody or love their dad,
17:14
Speaker 2: or love their mom or whatever, and that absolutely has
17:18
Speaker 2: an impact on whether you stay. So do some people
17:20
Speaker 2: stay out of guilt because they know everyone in their
17:23
Speaker 2: life loves them so much they don't want to disappoint friends, family, parents, children, Yes,
17:30
Speaker 2: And that is a bad thing. That is never a
17:32
Speaker 2: good thing for you to stay in a relationship because
17:34
Speaker 2: someone else wants you to.
17:37
Speaker 1: Man. You think when you said to you the kid thing,
17:39
Speaker 1: I certainly get and that when you put it with
17:41
Speaker 1: that perspective, then obviously the answer is absolutely you shouldn't
17:45
Speaker 1: stay in a relationship when it comes to kids. I'm
17:48
Speaker 1: thinking about let's take kids out of it for a second.
17:51
Speaker 1: But the idea of someone being that you're married to,
17:55
Speaker 1: being so close to your mom, being so close to
17:58
Speaker 1: your sister, being so close in some way, and to
18:04
Speaker 1: the point that if you end up out of the relationship,
18:08
Speaker 1: they might continue with some friendships or relationships with your
18:12
Speaker 1: family members. We can get into that on a whole
18:14
Speaker 1: other appas that's tough. But when you think of it
18:17
Speaker 1: that way, can can that be a bad thing? Yes,
18:21
Speaker 1: when you are, but are you starting to listen to
18:24
Speaker 1: those people a little bit and go, Wow, maybe I'm
18:27
Speaker 1: missing something. If everybody loves this gal of this guy,
18:30
Speaker 1: and I'm the only one that has a problem.
18:32
Speaker 2: So I do think that it if it causes you
18:35
Speaker 2: to do some internal reflection, like am I the problem?
18:37
Speaker 2: Am I the issue? Do I need to work on
18:40
Speaker 2: my level of tolerance or my Yes, that can be
18:44
Speaker 2: a good thing. I think that would be the first step, like, Wow,
18:46
Speaker 2: why does everybody else love this person and I'm not
18:48
Speaker 2: feeling it? Maybe I'm the one who needs to do
18:51
Speaker 2: some work on myself. So if that is your first
18:54
Speaker 2: instinct that's a good one, that's never a bad thing.
18:56
Speaker 2: So yes, I would say that should be the first
18:58
Speaker 2: thing you do at a certain point. You have to
19:01
Speaker 2: trust your gut, you have to trust your your perception
19:05
Speaker 2: of things. And the truth is, your friends and family
19:07
Speaker 2: can only know that person so well. You obviously know
19:09
Speaker 2: that person on a much deeper, much more intimate level.
19:12
Speaker 2: You've seen them at their worst in a way your
19:14
Speaker 2: friends and family maybe have not. So I think there
19:16
Speaker 2: are a lot of people who are very good at
19:18
Speaker 2: charming the room and working the room and making everyone
19:20
Speaker 2: fall in love with them, but when it comes to
19:22
Speaker 2: when you close your door, you might act differently. So
19:25
Speaker 2: I don't think it's a fair representation of who that
19:28
Speaker 2: other person is you're with, you know what I.
19:31
Speaker 1: Will This is again, this is just hitting me now.
19:35
Speaker 1: Love island an advantage that they do have. The families
19:41
Speaker 1: do get to see people behave behind closed doors quote unquote,
19:46
Speaker 1: but they are witnessing things that you normally wouldn't witness.
19:50
Speaker 1: So these families probably have a better sense of who
19:54
Speaker 1: their loved ones are dating than you and I parents
19:58
Speaker 1: had after six weeks.
19:59
Speaker 2: Absolutely, because think about it. So for people who don't
20:01
Speaker 2: understand a lot of reality shows, they've got cameras up
20:03
Speaker 2: in your face, and you act differently when you've got
20:05
Speaker 2: a camera crew there and lights and micro These folks
20:08
Speaker 2: wear these microphones all day. They probably forget they're there.
20:11
Speaker 2: The cameras are fixed so they don't have photographers or people.
20:14
Speaker 2: So you get comfortable, right, you start acting. Then there
20:17
Speaker 2: you throw a drink or two in there. I know
20:19
Speaker 2: they're limited in how much they can drink, but you're
20:21
Speaker 2: a little bit you know, lubricated, so to speak, and
20:25
Speaker 2: you will eventually fall into a place of comfort and
20:29
Speaker 2: be yourself. And I think we definitely have seen that
20:31
Speaker 2: where people genuinely forget in the moment that they're actually
20:35
Speaker 2: being watched by millions of people, including the other people's parents.
20:38
Speaker 1: Well, I think now these folks probably do. They could
20:41
Speaker 1: speak more confidently about the relationships that they're loved ones
20:43
Speaker 1: are in than our parents, or in our parents' relationship
20:46
Speaker 1: or anybody most parents would normally have. The last thing
20:49
Speaker 1: I want to hit on here, the last lesson that
20:50
Speaker 1: they taught it is this is kind of funny and
20:52
Speaker 1: kind of acute one, but it is worth talking about
20:54
Speaker 1: because we always talk about it. This was Chris and Huda.
20:57
Speaker 1: They had all kinds of problems in the last two
20:59
Speaker 1: episodes of they had the back and forth about who
21:02
Speaker 1: walked off and he won't kiss them in public, blah.
21:04
Speaker 1: But if they weren't doing great, no, before this episode.
21:06
Speaker 2: They were not.
21:07
Speaker 1: However, there was a shot in this past episode if
21:09
Speaker 1: you all caught it. They were sleeping at night, you
21:12
Speaker 1: know they do. The lights are out and they just
21:13
Speaker 1: take shots of each bed if you will. Sometimes there's
21:17
Speaker 1: some making out going on under the covers and different stuff.
21:20
Speaker 1: Chris and Huda were just asleep, but they were sleeping.
21:23
Speaker 1: This couple that's been through hell, that's not doing great.
21:27
Speaker 1: They were all over each other and not in a
21:30
Speaker 1: way that they made an intentional effort to cuddle. But
21:32
Speaker 1: they were just asleep and naturally and not even in
21:36
Speaker 1: a cute way. I say cute way.
21:38
Speaker 2: It wasn't a sexual way stage shot.
21:41
Speaker 1: They were just you have to be comfortable with someone
21:45
Speaker 1: to sleep that way with someone, And they were just
21:47
Speaker 1: kind of lay a mess all over each other. And
21:50
Speaker 1: I thought it was cute. I said, wow, look at them,
21:53
Speaker 1: and it made me think, what does that tell us
21:56
Speaker 1: about ourselves? Our relationship and where that relationship is they
22:00
Speaker 1: based on how you sleep in the bed at night.
22:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, And we talked about how they slept in the
22:05
Speaker 2: bed the night where they were having the fight. He
22:06
Speaker 2: turned his back on her. You know, it was a
22:08
Speaker 2: very obvious f you physically.
22:12
Speaker 1: Yes, conscious, this was not a conscious effort. It was
22:16
Speaker 1: a natural thing. Were just sloppily kind of old for
22:19
Speaker 1: each other.
22:19
Speaker 2: It got me thinking that this is the couple we've
22:22
Speaker 2: seen have more conflict than any other couple. But it
22:25
Speaker 2: also made me think, we've talked to this how real
22:27
Speaker 2: they've been, because that's that's embarrassing to kind of have
22:30
Speaker 2: all that mess out there, But to be willing to
22:32
Speaker 2: be like that, and to be open and vulnerable, to
22:35
Speaker 2: be able to admit you e ft up, to cry,
22:37
Speaker 2: to have all those things, it does bring you closer together.
22:40
Speaker 2: When you realize, hey, we've been through all of this
22:42
Speaker 2: shit and we're still here and we're still together, you
22:46
Speaker 2: do get a level of intimacy that is far deeper
22:48
Speaker 2: than sex can give you or physical touch can give you.
22:51
Speaker 2: When you've been through hell and you're still there, that
22:56
Speaker 2: to me is true intimacy. And that's what we saw.
22:58
Speaker 1: So that's I ask everybody listening, How do you sleep
23:02
Speaker 1: next to your partner every night? Follow up to that?
23:07
Speaker 1: Does it matter and give any indication of where your
23:11
Speaker 1: relationship is? Maybe not. Some people, for practical reasons, sleep
23:15
Speaker 1: in separate beds in separate rooms because they like the
23:19
Speaker 1: lights so like this, they like the bed like this,
23:22
Speaker 1: they like this much noise, all kinds of things. But generally,
23:25
Speaker 1: can we read anything about our relationship based on how
23:28
Speaker 1: you sleep?
23:29
Speaker 2: I think you can to an extent. It's not you know,
23:32
Speaker 2: it's not black and white. But I will say for me,
23:36
Speaker 2: if I want to be next to you and near you,
23:39
Speaker 2: even though it's warmer than I want, or it's maybe
23:42
Speaker 2: louder than I want, or it's bright, but the most
23:44
Speaker 2: important thing is I sleep best when I know you're
23:47
Speaker 2: next to me. I don't I think for me that
23:50
Speaker 2: there's an Again, there's an intimacy to sleeping next to somebody.
23:53
Speaker 2: You're vulnerable. You might snore, you might drool, you might you.
23:56
Speaker 1: Know all that stuff. Yep, all of it at nightly heavily.
24:02
Speaker 2: And if you still love me and want to be
24:05
Speaker 2: in the bed next to me, that's something. But that's like,
24:07
Speaker 2: that's just absolutely you aren't putting on airs when you're sleeping,
24:12
Speaker 2: you're not pretending to be something you're not. You are
24:14
Speaker 2: who you are when you sleep.
24:16
Speaker 1: And this is a true story, people. This is the
24:17
Speaker 1: way we slept last night. I am looking at the
24:21
Speaker 1: sectional where the two of us slept last night. We
24:23
Speaker 1: fell asleep watching a movie on h ah wow it
24:25
Speaker 1: was on Peacock yes, drop right, it was Drop Drop
24:28
Speaker 1: the movie we uh, we fell asleep on it. We
24:31
Speaker 1: fell asleep on each other. She was in one part
24:33
Speaker 1: of the second sectional, fully, and I was in another part,
24:37
Speaker 1: but both my legs were over in her side of
24:40
Speaker 1: the sectional. Correct For whatever reason, I woke up in
24:44
Speaker 1: the middle of the night and we weren't in that
24:46
Speaker 1: position anymore, and instead she had a pillow from the
24:50
Speaker 1: bedroom onto the couch and I was laying on a
24:54
Speaker 1: couch pillow.
24:55
Speaker 2: But our head we're touching.
24:57
Speaker 1: We're touching. We had angled ourselves on this sectional in.
25:01
Speaker 2: This it it's funny.
25:04
Speaker 1: This perpendicular way and where our heads were together.
25:07
Speaker 2: So it's funny you say that because I woke up
25:09
Speaker 2: at because we always I always wake up at three,
25:11
Speaker 2: so of course I just automatically woke up at three
25:14
Speaker 2: fifteen and I was like, you know what, and I
25:15
Speaker 2: saw our heads were touching, and we both had two
25:17
Speaker 2: little tiny pillows, and I was like, I think I'm
25:19
Speaker 2: gonna go get a pillow from the bed. So I
25:21
Speaker 2: went up at three fifteen, got the pillow from the bed,
25:24
Speaker 2: but our heads were still touching.
25:27
Speaker 1: So it's interesting. We don't get to do that all
25:29
Speaker 1: the time because our schedules during the week are just
25:32
Speaker 1: an absolute mass. We don't even go to bed at
25:33
Speaker 1: the same time, it seems anymore. But I just thought
25:36
Speaker 1: that jumped out at me, and it made me think
25:38
Speaker 1: about how we sleep, how we slept when we first
25:41
Speaker 1: started dating, how we slept when we have had a fight,
25:44
Speaker 1: how we sleep the night after we make up from
25:48
Speaker 1: that fight. All kinds of stuff factors in, So pay
25:50
Speaker 1: attention to that, folks, How you sleep tonight. Does the
25:52
Speaker 1: say anything about your relationship? Maybe not, but ask yourself
25:55
Speaker 1: this as well. Where do you want to be so
25:58
Speaker 1: out you see your partner in that bed, where would
26:02
Speaker 1: you like to go?
26:03
Speaker 2: That is so telling. It might and it could change daily,
26:07
Speaker 2: it could change hourly, But generally speaking, I always want
26:12
Speaker 2: to You always make fun of me because sometimes I'm like,
26:14
Speaker 2: all up next to you, and let me just tell you,
26:16
Speaker 2: I've never been like that before, but I like for
26:19
Speaker 2: one part of my body to be touching one part
26:21
Speaker 2: of yours.
26:23
Speaker 1: All Right, folks, we've been sending across the table as
26:26
Speaker 1: we've been recording this, so we're gonna stop now so
26:29
Speaker 1: I can get to the other side of the table.
26:30
Speaker 1: She's getting antsy. We haven't touched in twenty seven minutes.
26:34
Speaker 1: So because this has been great and let's ever mind
26:38
Speaker 1: obviously all of you all know, but the well, we
26:40
Speaker 1: got two nights of this. Yeah, so Saturday night tonight
26:43
Speaker 1: and then tomorrow's a finale. Huda and Chris, Iris and
26:46
Speaker 1: Pepe Alandria and Nick and Anaya.
26:49
Speaker 2: And Ryan, Brian, Brian sorry Brian Brian with a why. Okay, yep,
26:53
Speaker 2: so kind of like Ryan I wrote down, Ryan Brian
26:56
Speaker 2: with a bee.
26:58
Speaker 1: Can we say now? No, We'll wait and we'll tell
27:00
Speaker 1: you who we like for the We'll do that later.
27:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we'll see that next episode.
27:03
Speaker 1: We'll do that later. But folks, we always appreciate you
27:06
Speaker 1: all going along on this ride with us. But for now,
27:09
Speaker 1: I'm J Holmes alongside my very touchy feeling partner Amy Robot.
27:13
Speaker 1: We'll talk to y'all soon.
27:14
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm mmm hmmm