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Dani delacamara - La crisis · Comedy Central Stand-Up

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Comedy Central Podcast Fras. Thank you very much. Thanks a lot for days.
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My name is Daniel of the House. I' m your comic on
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duty today to relieve you a little bit of this crisis that we' re
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going through, that so many things are changing us, because it' s
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changing a lot. For example, we all understand economics right now you remember
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before the crisis that you took the newspaper, came to economics and said ah
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all var so I take out sports. Not now is the first thing he
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does is take the paper and you' re there in economics. Or it
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' s economics, it' s not the playboy, uh, you'
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re there already when you get so overwhelmed, you say well, I'
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m going to check them out to get some rest, oh, you say
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well, I' m not I don' t know anyone. These are
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the only two good ones. The news from the paper. Now people understand.
1:03
The people I know, they talk about the risk premium. Truth seeks
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the first risk, It deprives you to risk, The prima risk before was
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the skank of the family. She' s my cousin She' s really
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hot. He risked me. That was the first risk. Anyway, a
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lot of things have changed. Go ask for money, a bank, for
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example. You remember before the crisis. You remember what a pimp we were
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doing They' re monologues, but you can talk, you remember we were
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going in to ask with pimps. I know how Robert de Niro, you
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know, we go there at the branch office where director c is for Peli
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Boli, I punch champion, I want a hypont and three percent knows and
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I want to guide him well. And that director didn' t snoop because
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you went with Robert de Liro' s pimp shop He wasn' t looking.
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In fact, I would answer you as José Luis López Vázquez, be
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your rapporteur and start with it. It' s an honor for this old
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lady you remember now she' s giving nothing. Hey the other day I
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went into a bank I asked for the time they charged me three euros of
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commission. It' s really worth the real estate market. Now I made
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you a friend. Hey, man, I' m giving you my house
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and you' re saying take off, I don' t want to.
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Líos, yes, let me get on with it. A lot of things
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had changed. I know the crisis is that it is also heavy, because
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it is very heavy, that is, in all programs they talk about the
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crisis. The other day is there that Jimenez fourth millennium. I don'
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t know if you dress him friends of mystery in Castilla La Mancha made a
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paranormal phenomenon. The City of Argamasilla de Alba has been paid an invoice in
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time. Now let' s hear the clear- up psychophony. Paco pays,
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I' m kidding to see a lot has changed. One of September
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you remember before the crisis, which was the worst day of the year.
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You stood up and walked like a dove. Oh son again to work now
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more like the white snow dwarf something that no longer. No, I haven
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' t changed. He' s changed. Family relationships are better now then
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the mothers called him the children. Yeah, son, I don' t
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see you when you come to eat that again here, if you came yesterday,
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it changes a lot. We all want the crisis to end. That
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' s right. We all want it to end. There' s only
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one living thing you can' t even hear talking about. He wants the
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crisis to end. Don' t tell her, don' t just tell
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her. I' m going to say who the lobsters in the restaurants are
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now living a second youth. Now they' re even cool, even cool
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that people come to the restaurant, already waving to the rock with the antennas.
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There, wow they' re untied. Now you know, maybe a
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lot of things have changed, a lot of things. I know the worst
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thing about change is maybe our economy is now controlled by markets. That'
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s where the markets leave it and those markets are controlled by rating agencies that
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are pirates, that is, if their names are called Sampus standard Muodis,
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Jackan Sparrows. You know, he doesn' t lie that they didn'
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t even know the crisis that started right under his nose because they had it
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there, in the United States, that I know where the bank managers are
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there They all went crazy. That' s how the crisis started. Like
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a pocholo in ibiza. If all the directors are there, they leave like
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a book, one that we party to release, that you saw, that
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you saw, that party, neither food nor drink. Come credits for everyone,
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credits, screams, credits, credits. There were no people who said,
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but if I don' t work matches, come the firm s and
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that' s how it started. So these people are now leading the world
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economy is crazy. It' s like putting Pedro Almodóvar to lead a Walt
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Disney movie. Don' t laugh, but imagine it well, you'
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re not going to be a love movie, Loves Levy co between white,
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snow and cinderella. What were they saying next to gunner jumping backwards like their
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prince. They' re riding with Peter Pan' s mother. I mean,
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it' s not going. I mean, in short, a lot
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of things have changed. A lot of things have changed. It is true
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that we have been responsible. He hopes we' ve done bad things.
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This cannot be denied. It' s true. We spent what we had,
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what we didn' t have, what we were going to have.
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That it is true, moreover, that the town halls of course now many
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have no money. It is logical that they have celebrated for years in the
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plenary sessions of the town hall as if they were Christmas draws. They'
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d make two chocolates and Sheriff Car' s here. He had to say
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with valation one hundred fifty thousand luros own port for the people, another ten
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twelve and forty thousand euros commissions to pay these services two already, two million
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luros. It' s here to give you an idea. He' s
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been able to hook up with a handball player. Well, okay human,
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the ball left it Hello, bad, bad, but we have to get
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up. I' m serious. We have to get up there and I
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' m telling you up there. That we have to regain confidence again.
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We' re losing her now. You have to get her back, walk
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again with confidence like I do who know how Nacho Vidal on a nudist beach.
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How he does that to you. You' ll say how it'
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s done. First of all, good advice, don' t watch the
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news, don' t see why you do it. Whatever you do will
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affect you. It doesn' t matter if you get up in the morning.
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Happy that you shower with Red Bull, that you appeal to booty anyway
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you get the news and the minute you get the same face that Antonio beat
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him the one of formula one. When Alonso goes wrong, don' t
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laugh, you see that they are two different faces that before starting, the
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guy is excited. Very good afternoon Welcome to Monfa' s cicuato. I
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' m not lining my eyes to get a great result, but start the
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race and as Alonso goes wrong, the minute you see him come on,
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Fernando, don' t get discouraged that you can still stay a hundred mon
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third. They' re very bad, they' re depressing and this news.
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The other day the Dalai Lama did it. You know him by giving
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the lady, Manolo Lama' s brother you know that the quietest guy who
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fell in the world, the other one was already in Tibet was there doing
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you know zapping. He gave the Spanish news. Look, he started wearing
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it or they had to sedate him. People are around Dalai Dalai da Dale
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there in the face you see and react. It' s true that he
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saw Pedro Piqueras' s te dayario, which is a fighter, because it
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' s a little stronger than the average. You' ve seen Pedro Piqueras
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' s TV, the one who runs Tarantino knows I say it in telecinco
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at dinner time that you can already be having dinner a silly thing that makes
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you bitter the male guy or it puts a face of terrors Look so that
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I haven' t seen it has been worth just starting turns your head,
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so you fucking say. We start well, Machas, that is you go
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to the hospital doctor that my father and makes you so say no more you
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know. I' m going to say good- bye, so turn your
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head and start the news. They' re mana, they' re very
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bad, they' re trophic, they' re lousy, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad, they' re bad, they' re bad, they' re
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bad. If we get to tomorrow, I' m Maya, and this
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ends today I' m going to give you some advice. Put on the
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news of Matthias Prat, because Matthias Prat, as all the news is the
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same, do not find out they are good or bad. Don' t
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find out, don' t find out, don' t look so I
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haven' t seen it I' m doing the same thing there. It
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tells you the Morocco fil to Internet tando on its coasts or a compared Spanish
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patera, that you have seen it, but and you say well, maybe
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that is bad, but that you don' t really know differences, if
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it is good bad, because they are always very similar. No, that
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' s the same thing I say I know what' s going on.
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Yeah, no, yeah, the same goes for a million went Dutzen dum
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or eighty million of a plane crash in Dusseldon with eighty axes on board.
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You don' t say it exactly, then you calm down. And if
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it' s not what we have to do, it' s watch the
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Mexican news. That is also a good Council. Look at only Mexican women,
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because there you see what happens, things happen even worse than here and
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in our country. But the news don' t make you bitter like here.
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What' s more, you' re encouraged by a healthy guy in
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there with a mustache and a good afternoon. Welcome to the news of the
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two of us, uh the following, we' re going on a rail
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accident, but first we' d like to say hello to the Revigia to
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be the day of their Saint. Congrats is congratulations quote. He' s
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in trouble. Nothing' s so hard. It' s so hard to
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put Mexican speakers on every radio station in this country. It' s so
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hard. It' s hard. It' s not the same thing to
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get up at eight in the morning in agony. There we are on the
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verge of the rescue that a guy tells him we' re going with that
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little rescue. It' s another story. Then, it is also important,
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It is very important to give value to the good news that there is.
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There' s good news. Dad what, children, you can'
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t get out of there I know the trucker that je faith tells me güey
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what you' re telling me. I' m not happy about that thing
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that came down from the father sh Hew. Perceptually, I' m not
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glad you dropped the stick. So, uncle, give him courage to come
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out and give that data to me who is a queen pepe, dear friends,
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postpresected for the world' s only plumber who doesn' t need to
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lose a piece Germany to fix anything, breathe a pater and the pipes get
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scared with you. The first one to get out of the stick is this
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hick fish truffles this deals or not miss a woman. President, I missed
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you, too. What do you want me to say, because women are
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smarter. This crisis is very great. Look how the Germans have done it.
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The almanes have put amerque bueno contemos Merkel, as aunt is worth nothing
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is woman, it has a good pass, it has its character or it
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is beautiful, beautiful is not such. I' m not gonna say it.
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I' m not like bread, but I don' t know if
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those people are like bread, no, but like breadbimbo. Yeah,'
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cause he' s square and he' s got an ass he doesn'
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t want. No one knows, since there I did, uh, I
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missed. She' s missing a woman, because you' re smarter,
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you have more vision of things. A woman is that she has stereo vision.
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Yeah, it' s dual. A woman may be watching TV You
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know with one eye in the living room and another in the kitchen. You
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' re gonna throw the oil at me how you could see where the eye
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' s done. Chamfering. We men realize that. No, we don
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' t get it, we don' t get look no matter what a
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man. Take, take the whole afternoon I spent with a friend of these
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good guys to childhood all afternoon, because when I get home and the woman
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asks him what Carlos and his children who didn' t know or have children
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you know, that is, you leave me why not the change that was
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the same thing there was. But I' m a pesita woman because you
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get more tips from things and I' m still the same Hey, hey,
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you' re, you' re really weird, but you' re
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not going to crack and a little bit of a slip. Uh, no,
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uh, a few months ago I was asking you, but you'
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re gonna raise your taxes. No, no, no, and he wasn
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' t even going to ask me. Eh, and at the last moment,
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or this man makes you as a surrogacy that there was, that he
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' s going to be there every day he gets up in the morning.
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It' s going to cut, that what makes us cut we' re
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going to talk history like Mariano Manos said and I' m worried because he
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said it' s going to be a Spartan government, as we are.
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But I' m overwhelmed by that because I recently saw a movie of parting
15:03
in the movies. Three hundred I don' t know if you saw six
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hundred and I don' t want to finish, so you want not to
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say, no, I don' t want, no, I want not.
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Besides, Leonidas, the Spartan leader, is fine. He has a
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beard like rajoy Vale, but I see more than seven differences that say those
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days. You know, I see them I mean, the Spartans don'
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t know how to fight us because the leader is a beast. But once
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so I haven' t seen the movie, I do. Okay. It
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' s three hundred Spartans, three hundred go out of their house and they
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' re winning everything on the battlefield and Dad in the quiniela to all two
15:39
that me and one morning they meet a million Persians. There or they feel
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like it and fair to all the Spartans and said let' s go home
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that we' ve done enough. Jump the lion and east and say esporton
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look. It creates a silence on the battlefield, a silence even the Persians
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saying shut the fuck up that they speak I read and uncle tell them do
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not forget this day, because today is the teria. You burn love and
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you die, you die the three hundred minus one that went to tell it,
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the three hundred and thank you, call me weird. If you want
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to call me weird, I can' t imagine rajoy in that same field
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of robe saying ispartans. Please listen to me Let' s go. Don
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' t forget this one, tell us to split up an Eispartan, what
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a bullet behind cha chame, but she' s a woman president of course
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who kicked him out because you' re more aware of things. Look Zapatero
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also what took you in the crisis, which took a little while, uh,
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I don' t know all his time, uh, and don'
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t laugh, because men are very clueless. We could have gotten past anyone
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looking at us no matter what pistol we are Dai. Any man has been
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with the same woman for fifty years. I' m talking about 50 years.
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Uh, so when I go to buy it the 50th anniversary gift,
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you may know that it' s in the store, that it looks like
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you' re buying the invisible friend' s. Yeah, yeah, and
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the manna in there suffering there fucking that it' s already gonna use it
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will like to read, it' s gonna be pending, it' s
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gotta be said she' ll still be married. If it takes a while
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to see her, we' ll be able to see things. It'
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s true. Zapatero took a long time to see if it was the lost
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in front of all the gevente, in front of all the gemente, told
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them that we have the most solid financial system of the whole planet, because
17:52
it recedes there, not that it is in all the geta there looking at
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Zapatero as the confused translator. That' s one that takes time to see
18:10
the crisis. I don' t say not to kill her, to see
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her fernan that took long. I sometimes said you need to see what you
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need. I want you to come out one day Carlos Arguñano on TV there
18:21
with his recipes. Oh, what' s up, Fable Javi, let
18:29
' s eat jajadato balato. J I' m going to the seal to
18:33
steal at the supermarket. What I love you or That' s the cold
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of seeing the crisis, that' s true, but I' d like
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to make a little defense. We have criticized him for everything. We have
18:45
criticized him even for being optimistic. And I' m one thing. A
18:48
President has to be optimistic. It has to be in Japan. A year
18:52
and a little while ago, when the tsunami came up. Well, a
18:56
month after their president was camped, you' d read it because the guy
18:57
in pressure truma shut himself down in his office. This, Zapatero, wouldn
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' t have happened. Zapatero is optimistic that you will follow the President of
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Japan. I' ll see him after five minutes of tsunami. I can
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imagine it there the wheel the company for everyone. I imagine it there calming
19:12
down something like doing something like quiet, quiet? It' s just been
19:29
a horita, because I only do the end by bragging, summarizing, Veniros
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up, Veniros up, because we are an amazing country, We are the
19:47
country with the most march in the world. The eyes are quite notice us
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here notice that we are here, now there are more people having fun here
19:55
than in all the Nordic countries together s no one. And that' s
20:02
a six- month night, that happens to us and we make a half
20:07
- year bottle. Shaa and I know. I' m serious. I
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don' t know if they' re going to rescue us or not or
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if they' ve already rescued us. Man, I don' t know.
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But if I say one thing, come up, because the countries you
20:25
have rescued are no longer like us. It has nothing to do with the
20:29
countries that have rescued you already saw coming that you had to rescue them.
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That' s where I leave it. No, it' s not true
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to fuck Greece. Greece has been carrying the ruins for a century. Grea
20:41
has all the accounts wrong. The last one knew that it was done well
20:44
in Greece was done by Pythagoras two thousand and five hundred years ago. Islanas
20:48
del Norte, or what to clear has a liquidity problem, one problem is
20:52
serious and is that someone you have to explain that more of the whiskey,
20:55
there is a liquid that is called water Ya Jun I think they are in
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the Portuguese that does not scare us anymore. Of course they are our brothers
21:03
are next door, but I didn' t see Portugal coming I saw it
21:06
coming. It' s a very nice country, yes, but it'
21:10
s kind of worn out. I' ve gone with the car you have
21:12
the car passes Portugal and you say what happened. I want to be Michael
21:17
J. Fox. I want to go back to the future. It'
21:21
s already true the Fijans series as it is that the series, the series
21:25
tell me how it happened. They record it in Portugal they save dressing room,
21:30
decorate everything and know it will do you and say something you val you
21:33
have to save. Then I was able to see the crisis. He hasn
21:40
' t seen the crisis because they' re a little cool in Portuguese.
21:42
It' s a little bit removing Mourinho, Cristiano, Ronaldo, the others
21:47
are very cool. I don' t know why I presume laughing towels,
21:52
towels you say are allergic to water. Not that I don' t know,
21:56
that they' ve distributed in the humidity. You know, and then
21:57
they' re a little sad, a little sad, look at Ronaldo with
22:03
ten billion euros, and the girlfriend he' s got is sad. Imagine
22:04
the medium Portuguese you know is sad. That a character that is a Portuguese
22:11
sings to you a sevillana and looks like a re Who you will see a
22:22
moro so to the second so much was nal uca. Tell me more at
22:33
last come up because we are the envy of many countries. They fixed the
22:37
French. The French who are envying us are messing with these sportsmen. There
22:40
was the accountant, Alberto accountant, a tour of France, because they'
22:44
ve detected her. To gold to order the top that go from tab to
22:47
zero, zero, uh, comma zero, zero, zero, zero,
22:51
five of clembuterol. What do you say he shoves it into a Frenchman?
22:53
You know they' re coming to the tour, you' re going to
22:57
go with the recipe. Face to see now, but how can they mess
23:06
with Rafa Nadal who has won seven times in France fan out seven times and
23:11
every time he wins to control him. They call Greenson from the CS,
23:18
but you' re going to hallucinate that Grisson comes in and doesn' t
23:22
control it. He does what he knows how to do green They are a
23:25
semi- mortem, which is my author, either because he ends up putting
23:27
on a glove and makes him a straight touch the NADAL that because they are
23:32
swimming Then all year long we know what he says by studying it to everyone.
23:40
And how the French can talk about doping. How can they talk about
23:42
doping? They invented it by two Frenchmen, Asteris and Obelis Fucks. Then
23:49
and we get read, so you come up, because we' re like
23:53
our sportsmen. It' s not the stuff, it' s worth it
23:56
to be supermen, but I don' t know what' s happening here
23:59
in this country. I don' t know if the sun, the reeds
24:02
with friends, the tapas, the skewers, I don' t know what
24:03
it is. But we all have these people in our athletes. We are
24:07
all like this, coming up and if one day I was a little bit
24:11
down, tells you uff this crisis quickly to show you what I' m
24:17
saying, put the Spanish TV show on you all over the world. You
24:19
can see that a loser here goes outside and it' s God that I
24:33
haven' t seen that show for. I' m doing it to you
24:34
It' s good health. I' m there Hi, I' m
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Manuel Morón. He' s been waiting for us. Well, I was
24:38
working on the pandemic. You let me get kicked out because I don'
24:41
t know, but well, I got kicked out. He' s looking
24:44
at you here at Mason. Now I' m CEO of the company.
24:48
There' s Rubia, Norway. She' s my wife. What'
24:52
s the matter, you don' t know Spanish? Don' t you
24:55
know Spanish? I' ll introduce you to my house. I was on
24:56
the outskirts to expand and face the Oslo Center Coming up, because we are
25:03
a country that we have the formula of having fun. We got her.
25:07
We work hard, that' s that myth that doesn' t work.
25:08
We work, but we can have fun. Just on the bridge of the
25:14
Constitution we have more parties than a Japanese in his entire life Japan and Mexico
25:21
goes with a camera of photos because I didn' t remember him throwing eyes.
25:26
That' s how you check the photos. Agame made up the manganis
25:34
that we know how to have fun, because we know only one bad thing,
25:37
that nothing happens either. There' s a job that we can never
25:41
do just one either, and it' s the guy who gives the data
25:45
to Fernando Alonso for radia us that precision, that seriousness. I don'
25:49
t know if you know who I' m talking about. I' m
25:52
about to start with shui heat fun becha el horfo. I won' t
26:00
be able to make it a Spanishman, but a Spanishman won' t be
26:03
able to contain himself with a wire at the moment. It will no longer
26:06
be possible to be there, Fernando, Fernando ojo opco Potatoes. Thank you.
26:15
I saw a thought of the House. Make a cataract come out pose,
26:19
you' ll see up pas hajajaaaaaa. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha? Thank you very much,
26:33
thank you. Now I haven' t.