Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 53 | Daddy the Magnificent

Transcript

53 | Daddy the Magnificent · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Eric, I don't know if you do a lot of um pickups when it comes to grocery shopping.
• 0:07
  Matt: You know, like online ordering.
• 0:09
  Matt: Oh, I I had them delivered once.
• 0:12
  Matt: Just once?
• 0:12
  Matt: Even all through the pandemic, really?
• 0:14
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:15
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 0:15
  Matt: You were just in stores?
• 0:17
  Eric: No, I ate a lot of delivery takeout.
• 0:21
  Eric: Oh, sure.
• 0:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 0:22
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:22
  Matt: But so did we.
• 0:23
  Matt: So did we.
• 0:24
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 0:24
  Eric: My my eating habits tanked.
• 0:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:27
  Matt: I well, during the pandemic, especially, we like mobile ordered or you know, curbside picked up a lot of things.
• 0:35
  Matt: But even before the pandemic, we've been doing the Harris Teeter Express Lane.
• 0:40
  Matt: Is that worth it?
• 0:41
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
• 0:43
  Matt: Uh, especially today, uh, of all days, we we've been doing again, we we our schedules like pre-pandemic were so all over the place of doing like, you know, we uh shows and uh, you know, I was still uh working late, managing front of house in Baltimore.
• 1:04
  Eric: Having to interact with all these, what do you call them?
• 1:07
  Eric: Humans.
• 1:08
  Matt: Humans.
• 1:09
  Matt: And so like well, it was it was just very difficult to like have an hour to go to the store.
• 1:17
  Matt: So we started doing Harris Teaters Express Lane like years before the pandemic, and then obviously during the pandemic, we just kept doing it and we still do it.
• 1:26
  Matt: We very rarely do like a full shop in person in a grocery store.
• 1:31
  Eric: I I couldn't even tell you the last time I did that.
• 1:34
  Matt: Yeah, but you're but you're also saying you don't do curbside or anything?
• 1:39
  Eric: Yeah, no.
• 1:40
  Matt: You're a wonder to me.
• 1:42
  Eric: I I I in this age of enchantment.
• 1:48
  Eric: Decadence and decline.
• 1:50
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:51
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:51
  Eric: As the Empire crumbles, I I I scrounge.
• 1:56
  Eric: I forage.
• 1:57
  Eric: I'll be like, I like, I'll just out of nowhere like I want this meal tonight, and then I'll go to the store and buy those exact ingredients.
• 2:03
  Eric: Those four ingredients and come back.
• 2:05
  Eric: And part of my brain screams, hey, Eric, maybe get some milk, some eggs.
• 2:12
  Eric: Hey, some let me uh let me throw this at you.
• 2:15
  Eric: Yeah, bread.
• 2:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 2:16
  Eric: Think about that.
• 2:16
  Eric: Hey, maybe you know, you would have all the things you could make with bread.
• 2:20
  Eric: Maybe you don't need these five specific ingredients to make this exact dish.
• 2:27
  Eric: And nothing else.
• 2:28
  Eric: And nothing else.
• 2:30
  Matt: Yeah, you should get um your life together, but that's not what we're talking about here.
• 2:36
  Matt: Don't I know it?
• 2:37
  Matt: Um So hey, uh so what what happened today.
• 2:41
  Matt: It's funny that you should ask me, despite me prompting you by making this the cold oven, uh the about if it's a good value, because we had a bit of an incident today.
• 2:55
  Matt: An incident?
• 2:57
  Matt: Yes, an incident.
• 2:58
  Matt: Uh so Harris Teeter changed their UI for the website for the ordering.
• 3:06
  Matt: And it seems like they didn't stop there.
• 3:08
  Matt: It seems like they've changed their whole process.
• 3:10
  Matt: Because when Lindsay went to pick up the order, she said that like three people came out with with the person with the tablet to like shadow what they were doing, you know, with the pro train.
• 3:22
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:23
  Matt: You know, they loaded up all our stuff and you know, we we park in the parking garage, and uh which is a bit of a distance from our actual apartment.
• 3:31
  Matt: So whenever we have like groceries or anything, we we we have long since bought this little like cart, you know, bring those.
• 3:38
  Eric: We love a cart.
• 3:39
  Eric: We love a cart.
• 3:40
  Matt: We love a cart.
• 3:40
  Matt: And of course, I've been well uh on this podcast, I've been well documented about the shopping cart scandal that takes place in the hallway of the case.
• 3:49
  Matt: The scourge.
• 3:49
  Matt: You'll have to go back and I couldn't even tell you what episode that is.
• 3:52
  Matt: You're gonna have to go back and find it.
• 3:53
  Matt: Uh but the uh but the but the incident today is when Lindsay is loading up these bags into the cart, she said like it feels really heavy.
• 4:03
  Matt: So she comes home and I, you know, I come out of my office and was like, oh, how'd it go?
• 4:09
  Matt: And you know, I walk over to the kitchen and she told me about the training and all this stuff.
• 4:14
  Matt: And then she pulls up these two bushels of bananas out of a bag.
• 4:20
  Matt: Okay.
• 4:21
  Matt: Now I usually have a banana in my smoothie as a as a part of my breakfast every day.
• 4:26
  Matt: So like we usually get a bushel of bananas every every week to like get through like one a week.
• 4:31
  Matt: One, I mean one a day.
• 4:32
  Matt: A standard unit of bananas.
• 4:34
  Matt: A standard unit of bananas.
• 4:36
  Matt: And so when Lindsay orders them, she puts in six as the you know, the quantity.
• 4:43
  Matt: Yeah, because six bananas.
• 4:44
  Matt: Because when we did it early on, she put in one thinking she was talking about bushels, and we got a singular banana.
• 4:51
  Matt: Oh, I and so she holds these up, these two bushels of bananas, and says, Oh no, I wonder if like the machine is like the new system got all convoluted, and they think I mean I don't know what they mean.
• 5:10
  Matt: Like they mean butchels.
• 5:12
  Matt: And like literally she's saying this, and she's going back to the next bag and un uncurling the top of the next bag.
• 5:17
  Matt: Give it to me.
• 5:18
  Matt: I said, Well, under that logic, and she opens the bag and goes, Oh my god.
• 5:31
  Matt: And I said, and I'm like standing across the kitchen.
• 5:33
  Matt: I said, Lindsay, is there four other bushels of bananas in that bag?
• 5:40
  Matt: And she went, Yes.
• 5:42
  Matt: So we have in our possession now 37 bananas, or what might help contextualize that for you, 16 and a half pounds of bananas.
• 5:59
  Eric: Oh, best get making bread.
• 6:01
  Eric: Best make some bread.
• 6:02
  Matt: And well, we do.
• 6:04
  Matt: That's the thing.
• 6:05
  Matt: Like, frequently the last banana in the bunch like goes bad by the time I get to it.
• 6:09
  Matt: So I put it in the freezer, and when there's six or seven, Lindsay makes some banana bread or or muffins or something.
• 6:16
  Matt: We are gonna have so many bananas.
• 6:20
  Matt: We might have to make deliveries to people.
• 6:22
  Eric: God damn, yeah.
• 6:23
  Eric: That is some punch you need bananas.
• 6:26
  Eric: Oh, I will always take a banana.
• 6:27
  Eric: This is some gravity's rainbow shit.
• 6:29
  Eric: What the hell is gravity's rainbow?
• 6:31
  Eric: No takers?
• 6:31
  Eric: All right, we'll just move on.
• 6:33
  Eric: Okay.
• 6:34
  Eric: Um great bit.
• 6:35
  Eric: Thanks.
• 6:37
  Eric: Thanks.
• 6:53
  Matt: Oh, well, hello, everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 7:02
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 7:03
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 7:05
  Matt: Eric, how are you doing this fine, fine evening?
• 7:09
  Matt: Or whatever time the listeners will do it for each.
• 7:12
  Matt: Fine, fine morning.
• 7:14
  Matt: Ooh, oh, or this fine, fine mid-afternoon.
• 7:18
  Matt: Fine, fine midnight.
• 7:21
  Matt: Oh, fine, fine witching hour.
• 7:26
  Eric: And of course, we would be remiss this fine, fine military.
• 7:33
  Eric: Ah, we know each other so well.
• 7:34
  Eric: Yes.
• 7:35
  Matt: Uh so wonderful.
• 7:37
  Matt: I'm doing good.
• 7:38
  Eric: The doctor told me I was gonna die of potassium deficiency, but I don't I don't know how I could possibly combat that.
• 7:44
  Eric: But yeah, it sucks for you, man.
• 7:46
  Matt: Um you might want to try the Harris Teeter Express Lane.
• 7:50
  Matt: Ah.
• 7:51
  Eric: Harris Teeter, a better way to get your banana.
• 7:54
  Matt: Yeah.
• 7:55
  Matt: I do I'm I I'm very pro Express Lane.
• 7:58
  Matt: It's worked very well.
• 7:59
  Matt: I mean, every now and then your personal shopper gives you, you know, not the best potatoes in the bunch, so to speak.
• 8:07
  Matt: But uh for the most part, we've it's been very good.
• 8:10
  Matt: And also, if every now and then I get some shitty produce because I paid someone to go get my groceries for me, I'm not mad about it.
• 8:17
  Matt: Because you know what?
• 8:18
  Matt: I paid someone to get my groceries for me.
• 8:20
  Eric: That's fair.
• 8:21
  Eric: This is the second cold open slash post cold open in a row that I'm gonna say this.
• 8:29
  Eric: This feels like an ad, but like we're not getting paid for it.
• 8:35
  Matt: I And you know what I say to that, Eric?
• 8:37
  Matt: What?
• 8:38
  Matt: It could be Harris T the play the your friendly neighborhood pharmacy, deli and biggery.
• 8:45
  Matt: HT grocery shopping service for me.
• 8:49
  Eric: No, come on, don't be doing Zachy D's bit outside of Zachy D's.
• 8:53
  Eric: There are no debts to which I will not stoop for that sweet, sweet ad revenue.
• 8:59
  Eric: Which, and I can't stress this enough.
• 9:01
  Eric: We're not getting it.
• 9:02
  Eric: We are not getting like someone is like, no, no, no, no.
• 9:10
  Eric: There's some fucking algorithm thing.
• 9:12
  Eric: They're getting paid right now.
• 9:13
  Matt: No, listen, w listen.
• 9:17
  Matt: One day we will be, and we will want you desperately to participate in that.
• 9:22
  Eric: One day I will be able to afford to give my little kitten Amelia Bedelia little sweater vests laced in diamonds.
• 9:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 9:32
  Eric: But it is not this day.
• 9:34
  Matt: Yeah, you know, suddenly, you know, we will make it obvious, is what I'm saying.
• 9:39
  Matt: We'll have a nice segment.
• 9:40
  Eric: Oh, it will be abundantly clear.
• 9:43
  Eric: Our ads are gonna be so fucking fun.
• 9:45
  Eric: Oh, oh, they're gonna have audio watermarks.
• 9:48
  Eric: You're gonna know they're ads.
• 9:49
  Eric: Just every now, like every couple of seconds during the ad, you're just gonna hear me off in the distance in the background going, ad.
• 9:56
  Matt: Yeah.
• 9:56
  Matt: Last year I know the nominees, I think it was for the Webby for the best podcast ad reads.
• 10:02
  Matt: It was Conan O'Brien needs a friend, smartless, and my brother, my brother, and me.
• 10:07
  Matt: We're coming for you, smartless.
• 10:09
  Matt: We're coming for you.
• 10:10
  Eric: You can't stop us.
• 10:11
  Eric: We will break bad on you.
• 10:13
  Matt: Also, smartless.
• 10:15
  Matt: Uh love the show.
• 10:16
  Matt: Would love to be oh yeah.
• 10:18
  Eric: I know we're not.
• 10:19
  Eric: Hey, my brother, my brother, and me.
• 10:20
  Eric: We're um what's the word?
• 10:23
  Eric: We're also two white men.
• 10:25
  Matt: Famous, but you know, we could be.
• 10:28
  Matt: We could be.
• 10:29
  Matt: And don't you want potential on your show?
• 10:32
  Matt: Oh, we've got ideas.
• 10:34
  Matt: We've got so many ideas.
• 10:36
  Matt: I'm an ideas, man.
• 10:38
  Eric: Oh, here's an idea.
• 10:39
  Matt: Let's start the fucking show.
• 10:40
  Matt: Oh, that's a good point.
• 10:41
  Matt: So uh yeah, this Eric is our uh 53rd episode.
• 10:46
  Matt: It's also coming out on Thanksgiving yet again.
• 10:50
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 10:51
  Eric: I'm sure.
• 10:51
  Eric: Oh, wait.
• 10:53
  Eric: You hear that, Matt?
• 10:54
  Eric: It's the sound of our downloads plummeting on this day.
• 10:58
  Eric: Gobble, gobble.
• 10:59
  Eric: Can we reel talk for a second?
• 11:01
  Eric: Oh, sure, yeah.
• 11:02
  Eric: I'm gonna dish it.
• 11:03
  Eric: Uh, if you're listening to this episode right now, and it is Thanksgiving Day, it is Thanksgiving Day, and you have downloaded our episode and are listening to it on Thanksgiving.
• 11:14
  Eric: And sorry, can I at least this far?
• 11:17
  Eric: At least this far.
• 11:18
  Eric: Anyone who's not doing like if it's like the day after or anything, you can just skip like the next 10 seconds.
• 11:24
  Eric: This is just for real.
• 11:25
  Eric: I'll tell you when to hit, I'll tell you when to hit skip.
• 11:27
  Matt: Yeah, because honestly, you folks, you've done the expected behavior.
• 11:31
  Eric: Okay, you've done the expected behavior, and that's fine.
• 11:34
  Eric: That is fine.
• 11:34
  Eric: But for the next 10 seconds, just go ahead, skip.
• 11:37
  Eric: You know, if you're in Spotify, skip 15, rewind five.
• 11:40
  Eric: I got you, babies.
• 11:41
  Eric: But for the one, the real ones, all right?
• 11:43
  Eric: It will skip now.
• 11:44
  Eric: Hit skip.
• 11:45
  Eric: But for all you motherfuckers who stood by us on Thanksgiving day.
• 11:51
  Eric: Yes.
• 11:52
  Eric: On Thanks fucking giving, you downloaded this podcast.
• 11:57
  Matt: All right, Eric, I gotta stop you right there.
• 11:59
  Matt: I I see all the folks coming back in.
• 12:02
  Matt: We misjudged.
• 12:03
  Matt: We misjudged time.
• 12:04
  Matt: We misjudged time.
• 12:05
  Eric: Oh, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:06
  Eric: No, come on, come on, come back in.
• 12:07
  Eric: Yeah, you're welcome.
• 12:08
  Eric: Uh welcome.
• 12:09
  Eric: I saw that.
• 12:09
  Matt: How about that leftover sandwich?
• 12:11
  Matt: Saw you come back in.
• 12:12
  Matt: That's great.
• 12:13
  Matt: Actually, could you do me a quick favor?
• 12:15
  Matt: Just hit that skip again.
• 12:17
  Matt: Just one more time.
• 12:17
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 12:18
  Eric: Hit the skip, hit the skip again.
• 12:19
  Eric: Go, you, you know, put some cranberry sauce on that leftover sandwich.
• 12:23
  Matt: And now, the fucking real ones.
• 12:27
  Matt: You're the real gangreal ones.
• 12:29
  Matt: But I want to know, are you what are you doing?
• 12:30
  Matt: Are you listening in like the bathtub while your parents are arguing downstairs?
• 12:34
  Matt: What's happening?
• 12:35
  Eric: Oh my God.
• 12:35
  Eric: I don't care how you do it, baby.
• 12:37
  Eric: You're my rata die.
• 12:39
  Matt: And welcome back.
• 12:40
  Matt: Yes.
• 12:41
  Matt: Hello, everyone.
• 12:42
  Matt: Uh, we got the whole gang here.
• 12:44
  Matt: Um so Eric, what we we talked about this off-mic a little while ago, but the realization of a show that comes out every other week on Thursday means more often than not, we will be releasing an episode on Thanksgiving.
• 13:01
  Eric: Which I believe you crunched the numbers.
• 13:03
  Eric: There is a not in there.
• 13:05
  Matt: There is a not.
• 13:06
  Matt: I believe if if everything holds with our schedule, which is a big if your calculations are correct.
• 13:12
  Matt: Which is a big if, uh we we will have another Thanksgiving episode next year and then an off-year, and then I think several years in a row after that, assuming anyone is still listening to the show at that point.
• 13:24
  Matt: Uh but so yeah, we're because it's gonna be more often than not that we uh are doing a show on Thanksgiving, if only for the two of us.
• 13:34
  Matt: Eric, we should have some sort of Thanksgiving-ish tradition, don't you think?
• 13:38
  Eric: Oh, my dude, yes.
• 13:40
  Eric: If we if we're gonna be contracted out, like if I'm gonna if I'm gonna be in this.
• 13:45
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:45
  Matt: Now that said, we haven't nailed one down ahead of this.
• 13:49
  Eric: Oh, goodness, no.
• 13:51
  Matt: I guess we could say what we're thankful for.
• 13:53
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 13:54
  Eric: Nah, fuck it.
• 13:55
  Eric: I already don't want to do it.
• 13:57
  Eric: Okay, yeah, fuck that.
• 13:58
  Eric: I'm thankful we don't have to do that bit.
• 14:01
  Eric: Yeah.
• 14:02
  Eric: Fuck.
• 14:02
  Eric: Yeah.
• 14:02
  Eric: Well, because what am I gonna say?
• 14:03
  Matt: I'm thankful for you and your friendship?
• 14:05
  Eric: Come on.
• 14:06
  Eric: I mean, what am I gonna say?
• 14:07
  Eric: I'm thankful for you and your friendship and standing by me all these years and all that love and support you give me.
• 14:14
  Eric: Yeah, I didn't do any of that.
• 14:16
  Eric: Like, we're not gonna do that.
• 14:17
  Eric: I know.
• 14:19
  Eric: Come on, man.
• 14:20
  Eric: Don't be like that.
• 14:21
  Matt: Yeah, I I just don't think we should lie.
• 14:23
  Eric: Uh so no I've got an idea for a Thanksgiving tradition.
• 14:29
  Eric: Oh, I'm gonna cry while I do the show.
• 14:34
  Matt: Oh, that's that's that that is uh different from that's different from the normal routine of us both crying as soon as we're done.
• 14:42
  Matt: Usually I cry off camp.
• 14:43
  Matt: Anyway, we're really just rambling on about nothing at this point.
• 14:47
  Matt: Um, so uh yeah, I guess happy Thanksgiving, everybody, and maybe we'll come up with a tradition, and maybe we won't, I guess.
• 14:54
  Matt: And with your spirit, happy spirit and gobble.
• 14:58
  Matt: Uh here's a question.
• 15:00
  Matt: This one comes from me.
• 15:01
  Matt: Um something I've been I've been mulling on over.
• 15:05
  Matt: What are the ingredients of humble pie?
• 15:09
  Eric: I love I saw this one in the queue.
• 15:11
  Matt: I was like, God damn, yeah.
• 15:14
  Matt: Yeah.
• 15:14
  Matt: I you know, it just it's one of those that just one day just popped in that noodle of mine.
• 15:19
  Eric: I I'm a firm believer that the act of eating humble pie, the experience of it, should also be humbling.
• 15:29
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 15:30
  Eric: It should further humble you.
• 15:32
  Eric: Okay, okay.
• 15:33
  Eric: Eating the humble pie should be that last, like, you've you've been thrown out the building, you crashed through all these like rafters and and little market awnings and stuff.
• 15:46
  Eric: Okay.
• 15:46
  Eric: And you got that last couple feet to go before you like bam, bam, in the gutter.
• 15:52
  Matt: Yeah, you're like, you're like, this is when you're uh in your metaphor, I guess, falling off of a rickshaw roof.
• 15:58
  Matt: Yes.
• 15:59
  Matt: Just before you hit the pavement.
• 16:02
  Eric: Or it's, you know, you're in the Jeep in the tree, you've escaped the T-Rex, things are pretty bad, but then you hear, uh-oh.
• 16:12
  Eric: Creek.
• 16:13
  Eric: Creek.
• 16:14
  Eric: Yeah, I gotcha.
• 16:15
  Eric: So that's what humble pie should do to you.
• 16:18
  Eric: All right.
• 16:18
  Eric: It shouldn't be gross tasting.
• 16:20
  Eric: It should, it should taste good or it should be edible.
• 16:25
  Matt: I mean, yeah, it has to be edible.
• 16:28
  Matt: It has to be edible.
• 16:29
  Matt: Eric, I think maybe we gotta circle the wagons here just a second.
• 16:33
  Matt: Are we talking about like a literal pie?
• 16:35
  Matt: I think humble pie should be literal.
• 16:38
  Matt: Okay, because you you uh you know it's not, right?
• 16:42
  Eric: I am aware.
• 16:42
  Eric: Okay, I just wanted to I want to level set up.
• 16:44
  Eric: I'm aware, but this is fun for me.
• 16:47
  Eric: As they say in the workplace, I just wanted to level set.
• 16:50
  Eric: Uh if where I'm coming okay, where I'm coming at this from, and maybe just kind of like align our values.
• 16:56
  Eric: If I was on GBB, yeah, and Paul Hollywood looked me dead ass in the eye with his icy blues, and he said, Uh I want you to make me a humble pie.
• 17:09
  Eric: If I that was my challenge for the if it's if it's pie week, yeah, and I've been asked to make humble pie for my for my my signature.
• 17:17
  Matt: And and yeah, okay, I get that.
• 17:19
  Matt: And we won't break down the you know the key, you know the key stuff, the flower and the stuff.
• 17:25
  Matt: Yeah, we don't you don't need all this.
• 17:26
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 17:27
  Matt: We're just talking about what's going in the fucking pie.
• 17:29
  Matt: What makes humble pie, what's the filling?
• 17:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 17:32
  Matt: I like that.
• 17:33
  Matt: Now, but I think we can talk about it adjacently to the metaphorical humble pie.
• 17:39
  Matt: Because, for example, I'll throw something out.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 17:42
  Matt: I think part, maybe not a large part, but a portion of the ingredients of humble pie, the metaphor.
• 17:50
  Matt: Shame.
• 17:51
  Matt: Maybe a little shame.
• 17:52
  Eric: Just a sprinkling of shame.
• 17:55
  Eric: Shame is gonna be the salt of this dish.
• 17:57
  Eric: You want a good you want you want to sprinkle, you don't want too much.
• 18:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 18:01
  Matt: Shame so perhaps just a tiny bit of embarrassment.
• 18:05
  Eric: Yes.
• 18:06
  Eric: Yeah.
• 18:06
  Eric: So so so it, you know, shame and embarrassment.
• 18:09
  Eric: So shame be the salt.
• 18:10
  Eric: So uh, you know, in my literal pie, and and this is kind of where the person is.
• 18:15
  Matt: I I'm alright, I'm already gonna give you pushback.
• 18:17
  Matt: I would salt, I think, is a is a key ingredient of just pie to a certain degree.
• 18:22
  Matt: Well that well, let me get there.
• 18:23
  Matt: Unless you want to be so I am so sorry.
• 18:26
  Eric: So I think the key thing is the ingredients should be things that, you know, in my literal pie, things that in all cases probably wouldn't eat.
• 18:34
  Eric: But this is humble pie.
• 18:35
  unknown: Yeah.
• 18:36
  Eric: You're gonna eat it.
• 18:37
  Eric: You got to.
• 18:39
  Eric: And they're gonna, and you know, we're gonna make it taste as good as possible, but it's humble pie, and you gotta eat a slice.
• 18:46
  Eric: So to that case, the shame in my humble pie, that's gonna be rock salt.
• 18:50
  Eric: Rock salt.
• 18:52
  Eric: Yeah, rock salt.
• 18:53
  Eric: Fresh off the no icing.
• 18:55
  Eric: This pie ain't gonna freeze.
• 18:57
  Matt: Now, when you say rock salt, do you do you just mean like large chunks of salt?
• 19:03
  Matt: Or do you mean like they spread on the street?
• 19:06
  Eric: Yeah, like road salt.
• 19:07
  Matt: That's what I thought you meant.
• 19:08
  Eric: Yeah, we're gonna put some road salt on it.
• 19:10
  Matt: I don't think that's edible, Eric.
• 19:13
  Eric: It's salt.
• 19:15
  Eric: Oh uh is it not salt?
• 19:17
  Eric: It it is rock you can technically eat.
• 19:21
  Eric: Tell me what's more humble than that.
• 19:24
  Matt: You know, you got me there.
• 19:26
  Matt: You got me there, Eric.
• 19:28
  Matt: Uh okay, so we're shame in it.
• 19:31
  Matt: So we have shame.
• 19:32
  Matt: We're starting off with rock salt, which is representative of the shame.
• 19:37
  Eric: You're eating the the shit that people walk on to not slip and die on ice.
• 19:42
  Eric: That is how humble you are right now.
• 19:44
  Eric: Okay, so what about embarrassment?
• 19:46
  Eric: This is just straight off the dome.
• 19:48
  Eric: Okay.
• 19:49
  Eric: I'm experimenting.
• 19:50
  Eric: I didn't say I was gonna win this this bake challenge.
• 19:52
  Eric: Sure.
• 19:53
  Eric: Humble pie will not probably win a lot of competitions against other pies.
• 19:58
  Eric: And this also comes from like a place of when I was a child and someone used the term humble pie, I would immediately begin imagining, like, oh, what would that literally what would what would that be?
• 20:07
  Eric: So, like a a you know how in like if you ever had dirt pudding as a kid, whereas like ground up Oreos and like chocolate pudding, yeah.
• 20:16
  Eric: Like that, but actual worms in it.
• 20:19
  Matt: Oh, that's fun.
• 20:20
  Matt: I don't think so though.
• 20:21
  Matt: Um I I think what about molasses?
• 20:27
  Matt: Molasses, because with worms in it.
• 20:32
  Matt: Is the worms a is that that's like a deal breaker for you?
• 20:35
  Eric: Worms, I lit I shit you not as a child.
• 20:38
  Eric: Anytime I imagine humble pie, I always imagine like a worm sticking out of it.
• 20:41
  Matt: Well, I do think if I'm looking at the mental picture of humble pie, I do think it's brown.
• 20:47
  Eric: It's super brown, it's super brown.
• 20:49
  Eric: Like brown going on black, like dirt.
• 20:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 20:53
  Matt: Like soil, like compost almost.
• 20:55
  Matt: Like compost.
• 20:56
  Matt: Okay, maybe so.
• 20:57
  Matt: So, like, okay, we get a sure.
• 20:59
  Matt: You know what?
• 21:00
  Matt: Sure, there's a worm in it because they are high in protein.
• 21:03
  Matt: It's garnished with a worm.
• 21:04
  Eric: And that's almost more embarrassing because you're like, you have to eat that worm.
• 21:08
  Matt: Yeah, it's like the center of the pies, a nice crispy worm.
• 21:11
  Eric: Yeah.
• 21:12
  Eric: Ooh, what if it's like a king cake, and whoever gets the worm, you know, is the most humbled.
• 21:18
  Matt: Is the most humble.
• 21:19
  Matt: Well, so here's something that I think is important that goes in there responsibility.
• 21:24
  Matt: Responsibility.
• 21:26
  Matt: You know what is not responsibility?
• 21:28
  Matt: Integrity.
• 21:29
  Matt: Integrity.
• 21:30
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 21:31
  Matt: Because if you are willingly eating humble pie, even if you had to resign yourself to eating humble pie, there's a there's an integrity, I think, to that action.
• 21:44
  Eric: To that end.
• 21:45
  Eric: And this is I'm imagining I'm imagining humble pie isn't like you're taking a slice.
• 21:49
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 21:50
  Eric: It's one of those little tiny personal pies.
• 21:52
  Eric: It's just for you.
• 21:54
  Eric: It's a very humble.
• 21:56
  Eric: I think your name should be baked into the top of the pie so everyone knows.
• 22:00
  Eric: It's your pie.
• 22:01
  Eric: I see.
• 22:02
  Eric: Like your name spelled in crust.
• 22:05
  Eric: It's like, here you go.
• 22:06
  Eric: And just like, mat.
• 22:08
  Eric: And there's like a little worm in there.
• 22:09
  Eric: Just popping out of the egg.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 22:13
  Matt: Yeah, okay.
• 22:13
  Matt: That could be.
• 22:14
  Matt: That's integrity.
• 22:15
  Eric: Integrity is like, this is my pie.
• 22:17
  Eric: I'm responsible for this pie.
• 22:19
  Matt: But that's not an ingredient, though.
• 22:20
  Matt: That's just garnish.
• 22:24
  Matt: Okay, sure.
• 22:25
  Matt: I mean, it could be a technique.
• 22:26
  Matt: I guess it can be.
• 22:28
  Matt: I guess it can be.
• 22:30
  Matt: I think that's part.
• 22:31
  Matt: I will say I think that's part of humble pie, is it is assigned to you specifically.
• 22:35
  Eric: Oh yes.
• 22:36
  Eric: Oh yes.
• 22:37
  Eric: It has your name on it.
• 22:38
  Eric: Does that also that for me is like a super thing about humble pie?
• 22:42
  Eric: It usually comes after someone was confidently incorrect about something.
• 22:47
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 22:48
  Eric: Like bets were made, you know.
• 22:52
  Eric: Oh, I I guarantee you're wrong about this, yada, yada, yada.
• 22:55
  Eric: And turns out they were.
• 22:56
  Matt: So you know what I think it has to be?
• 22:58
  Matt: I think it has to be something that's like high in fiber, maybe?
• 23:04
  Eric: Ooh, yeah, roughage.
• 23:06
  Matt: Yeah, something that's like obnoxiously healthy for you.
• 23:10
  Matt: You know what you're like turnips.
• 23:12
  Matt: Like Ooh, yeah.
• 23:14
  Eric: Like beets.
• 23:16
  Eric: Beets okra.
• 23:18
  Eric: Okra.
• 23:19
  Eric: Like, what is this doing here?
• 23:20
  Eric: Has to be really, it has to be some sort of root vegetable or like something.
• 23:25
  Eric: I I just love that the overarching theme of theme of dirt.
• 23:29
  Eric: Yeah, turnips.
• 23:31
  Eric: And like turnips is nice.
• 23:32
  Eric: Parboiled turnips, not fully cooked, because fully cooked turnips can be ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, so tender.
• 23:38
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 23:39
  Eric: You're gonna, I want you to have to chew on this multiple times.
• 23:43
  Eric: Yeah, you're gonna have to work it.
• 23:45
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:45
  Eric: Ah.
• 23:46
  Matt: You're gonna have to work that sucker down to the bone.
• 23:49
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:50
  Eric: I it need this this pie should be a chore to eat.
• 23:53
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 23:54
  Matt: I think I I don't think you want this to be a pie at Thanksgiving because like this would be the I I don't even know where it would fit into the menu because it would just be, you know, uh such a talking point in and of itself after the political fire storm you had with your uncle.
• 24:16
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:17
  Eric: No, it needs to be a very private, a very uh personal.
• 24:22
  Eric: That's what that's why I like I harp so hard.
• 24:24
  Eric: Like it just needs to be one of those like little personal pies.
• 24:27
  Matt: A personal pie that is so far filled with uh rock salt.
• 24:32
  Matt: Rock salt, molasses, molasses, a worm, a worm, a single worm, a now dead worm, and uh a turnip.
• 24:43
  Eric: I think I'll push back on one thing.
• 24:45
  Eric: I think the worm should be alive and added after the fact.
• 24:48
  Eric: It won't be baked into the pie, it is a garnish.
• 24:51
  Matt: Okay, I can I can get down with that.
• 24:54
  Matt: It feels like the pie is missing something.
• 24:59
  Eric: Yeah, we need a clincher.
• 25:00
  Matt: Umlincher to this pie to really make the dish.
• 25:04
  Eric: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
• 25:06
  Eric: Um ingredient-wise, I don't know, but I can tell you this is again another means of conveyance-wise.
• 25:14
  Eric: You have to eat it with your fingers.
• 25:18
  Matt: Oh, interesting.
• 25:19
  Eric: Yeah, you have you can't, you don't get a spoon or a fork.
• 25:22
  Eric: You have to, you have to like get your hands in there, get them dirty.
• 25:27
  Eric: Oh, and here's another thing.
• 25:28
  Matt: Here's another aspect of it.
• 25:30
  Matt: Everyone needs to, you need to have an audience.
• 25:35
  Eric: Oh, yeah, you can't eat this by yourself.
• 25:37
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no.
• 25:38
  Matt: You actually can't put it into your mouth unless at least three other people are watching you.
• 25:43
  Eric: Yes.
• 25:44
  Eric: At least three other people.
• 25:46
  Eric: I like that specificity.
• 25:48
  Matt: You won't be able to you'll try, but you won't be able to get it in there.
• 25:51
  Eric: Yeah, because you need you, and it needs to be three people because you need you need like the three of them together, like once you've left to talk about like, oh man, wow, I can't believe that happened.
• 26:03
  Eric: And you need then one to leave and then the other two to really start dishing out the the savage tea.
• 26:10
  Eric: Like, wow, can't believe that guy fucking ate that worm.
• 26:14
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 26:15
  Eric: With his fucking fingies on his knees.
• 26:19
  Eric: I should have mentioned you have to eat it on your knees.
• 26:21
  Eric: I meant to mention that earlier.
• 26:22
  Eric: 100% you have to eat it on your knees.
• 26:24
  Eric: You're not allowed to use you, you're not allowed to use your taxi.
• 26:27
  Matt: You have to eat it on your knees with your with your hands.
• 26:31
  Matt: You have to have a bib.
• 26:32
  Matt: You have to have a bib.
• 26:34
  Matt: You gotta have the bib.
• 26:35
  Matt: And the bib says, I'm sorry on it.
• 26:46
  Matt: It's just you have to look so fucking stupid when you eat it.
• 26:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 26:51
  Matt: You know, after you ask permission to eat it, I should have mentioned you have to ask permission to eat humble pie.
• 26:56
  Eric: And you have to say it like this may I pity please have my humble pie.
• 27:01
  Matt: And uh don't, I don't actually think we're talking about like at a restaurant.
• 27:04
  Matt: We're talking about at home because after you ask somebody else's permission, they then need to call to the kitchen to say, hey, this guy wants some humble pie.
• 27:22
  Eric: And then you're you're you're very Italian grandmother in the kitchen, like, and she she walks out with a giant, like a fucking pizza paddle, like those giant wooden fucking numbers, but with this tiny dinky little humble pie.
• 27:39
  Eric: Slides it across the kitchen tile at you.
• 27:45
  Matt: Yeah, and then uh just as you're um um as you're eating it.
• 27:52
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 27:54
  Matt: As you're eating it, yeah.
• 27:56
  Matt: Somebody needs to come over and constantly interrupt you from finishing.
• 28:02
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 28:02
  Eric: Oh, I need your help with it.
• 28:04
  Eric: So you know you have to come back to it.
• 28:06
  Eric: You have to come back to it.
• 28:07
  Eric: It's a multi-session pie.
• 28:10
  Eric: And I think, and like, look, not hard, but while you're eating this, someone just need to smack you on the back of the head.
• 28:17
  unknown: Yeah.
• 28:18
  Matt: And it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 28:19
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:20
  Matt: And then, and then this this really should go without saying.
• 28:23
  Matt: Yeah.
• 28:24
  Matt: You then have to wash the the pie tin out yourself immediately.
• 28:30
  Matt: Oh, oh.
• 28:30
  Matt: This is a little bit of a follow-up to our last episode.
• 28:33
  Eric: Yeah, I'll I'll see you a you have to wash the pie tin, and I'll raise you a you have to lick it clean.
• 28:41
  Eric: Oh, you gotta well after you lick it.
• 28:43
  Eric: After you lick it clean.
• 28:44
  Matt: You lick it clean and then you actually clean it.
• 28:46
  Matt: Yeah.
• 28:47
  Matt: And that's what's in humble pie, folks.
• 28:49
  Eric: That's that's humble pie.
• 28:51
  Matt: Me, thank you for the question.
• 28:53
  Matt: Can you tell we hold a lot of grudges?
• 28:56
  Matt: I don't hold grudges, Eric.
• 28:58
  Matt: I just prefer to think of it as I remember.
• 29:04
  Matt: I forgive.
• 29:08
  Matt: And that's where I leave it.
• 29:12
  Eric: All right.
• 29:13
  Eric: Our next question, Matthew.
• 29:15
  Eric: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:16
  Eric: Take us there.
• 29:16
  Eric: Oh, oh, oh, it's coming.
• 29:18
  Eric: So this this is a this is a taken aback.
• 29:21
  Matt: Normally you don't tee up the next question.
• 29:23
  Matt: I know.
• 29:23
  Matt: So automatically I was taken aback.
• 29:26
  Eric: Ooh.
• 29:27
  Eric: So this is kind of a twofer.
• 29:28
  Eric: This came out of a conversation uh between Matt and our dear dear friend a.lexali.
• 29:38
  Eric: Yes.
• 29:38
  Eric: Uh, that's at a.lexa Lee on Instagram.
• 29:42
  Eric: Yes.
• 29:43
  Eric: And here's what here's what came out, here's what came out of the forge.
• 29:46
  Eric: You smelted the ore of this conversation down to its constituent parts, and we pulled it out of the furnace, and here's what we got.
• 29:55
  Eric: Yeah.
• 29:55
  Eric: Why do millennials hate phone calls?
• 29:58
  Matt: You might actually understand the origin of this question a little bit later in the show.
• 30:03
  Matt: Let me just say that.
• 30:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 30:04
  Matt: Let me just say that.
• 30:05
  Matt: A little preview of the later on in the show.
• 30:09
  Matt: Foreshadowing in my podcast.
• 30:12
  Matt: But this is the your podcast.
• 30:15
  Matt: This is sort of the this is the this this is sort of the uh this it's a stereotype.
• 30:24
  Matt: It's become a stereotype of the millennial generation.
• 30:28
  Matt: And as far as my experience goes, is true.
• 30:32
  Matt: We don't, I would rather do just about anything than call a doctor's office.
• 30:40
  Matt: Can you imagine?
• 30:42
  Eric: I have I've had to do it a lot recently, and it sucks.
• 30:46
  Eric: Matt, let me let me hit you with this.
• 30:48
  Eric: I I know I have I have to do this tomorrow.
• 30:52
  Eric: I have to call the worst.
• 30:54
  Eric: I have to call the vet.
• 30:56
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 30:57
  Eric: And let me be clear, Amelia Bedelia is thriving.
• 31:01
  Eric: I was worried.
• 31:01
  Eric: Uh oh no, she's doing amazing.
• 31:03
  Eric: That's not why.
• 31:03
  Eric: I don't have to call the vet about her.
• 31:05
  Eric: I have to call the vet because the sweet old lady who works behind the counter who ran my card last time ran it twice.
• 31:16
  Eric: So I got charged a lot of money twice.
• 31:21
  Eric: So I now that's my burden.
• 31:23
  Eric: That's what I have to carry in my heart.
• 31:26
  Eric: I have to call this sweet, sweet old lady and be like, Who made an honest mistake?
• 31:30
  Eric: Who made an honest mistake?
• 31:31
  Eric: But here's the part that makes it even more awkward and just makes me dread like, please, can I just text the vet?
• 31:37
  Eric: Um, it happened like a month ago.
• 31:41
  Eric: So I know like records are gonna have to be pulled.
• 31:45
  Eric: Yeah, it sucks.
• 31:46
  Eric: I you know, I'm gonna have to explain, like, no, and I'm gonna have to like when they're like, oh, well, how do you know this?
• 31:51
  Eric: Like, oh well, because like I rem this is this is so fucking this is the shit that gives me stress.
• 31:57
  Eric: I distinctly remember when she ran my card.
• 32:03
  Eric: She ran, she put it in, put in the chip reader, took it out, went to hand it back to me.
• 32:08
  Eric: She's like, Oh, oh, oh, it didn't go through, and then put my card back in.
• 32:12
  Eric: And I even remember at that time thinking, oh boy, I hope it doesn't get ran twice.
• 32:18
  Eric: That's when you know.
• 32:20
  Eric: And now I'm gonna have to explain that I kept that in my head, that I remember.
• 32:28
  Eric: So, like, well, how do you know we ran it twice?
• 32:30
  Eric: Like, oh, well, I remember when you ran my card, you know, you did the thing, and you're like, Oh, I have to put it back in.
• 32:35
  Eric: I remember, and like trying to explain that without sounding like I'm a neurotic psychopath.
• 32:43
  Eric: Yeah, that's difficult to do.
• 32:45
  Eric: Yeah.
• 32:46
  Eric: See, I'd much rather that just be, you know, a text.
• 32:52
  Matt: Yeah, I think what it is is the because I don't hate calling like people necessarily, like friends and family necessarily.
• 33:06
  Matt: I don't hate doing that.
• 33:09
  Matt: But any kind of company-based interaction, uh I just I just don't want to have that level of familiarity with you.
• 33:19
  Eric: No, uh, and for me, I think this is almost like a set like a self-made problem.
• 33:26
  Eric: I hate phone calls, which causes me to not make them.
• 33:31
  Eric: So I'm not ever expecting to get them, which means when I do get them, it is usually never anything good.
• 33:42
  Eric: I'm getting called about a fucking like an overdue such and such, or if I can like I I am getting I it is not a good call.
• 33:51
  Matt: And and I'm sure I think you'll be able to relate to this with me, Eric.
• 33:56
  Matt: As actors, we can't just not answer unknown numbers.
• 34:02
  Matt: Dude, we gotta send our we send our phone number out to fucking everybody on this resume.
• 34:08
  Matt: So we've gotta answer it.
• 34:10
  Matt: And is it ever, is it ever uh uh an executive uh producer in Hollywood?
• 34:17
  Matt: No, it's we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty.
• 34:22
  Eric: I just wait for the day where we can pick up a phone like, oh, Mr.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_02: Executive Producer, how do you It's me, Jerry Bruckheimer.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: Jerry Bruckheimer right out of the blue.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me what you've cast me in Jeremy.
• 34:39
  Eric: Go on.
• 34:40
  Eric: Tell me.
• 34:42
  Eric: It's Jerry, Eric.
• 34:43
  Eric: It's Jerry Bruckheimer.
• 34:45
  Eric: No, no, my fancy.
• 34:46
  Eric: I don't think I made up a name.
• 34:47
  Eric: No, no, I know Jerry Bruckheimer.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_05: I was I was being silly and I like saying Jerry.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 34:53
  Matt: Okay, all right.
• 34:53
  Matt: I you know what?
• 34:54
  Matt: I apologize.
• 34:57
  Eric: Eric, get it together.
• 34:58
  Eric: It's Thanksgiving.
• 34:59
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 35:00
  Eric: Hi, hi, hello.
• 35:02
  Eric: It's me.
• 35:03
  Eric: Be thankful we're here.
• 35:04
  Eric: I'm so grateful.
• 35:06
  Eric: Thank you.
• 35:07
  Eric: Everything he gives me.
• 35:11
  Matt: Now I've been now I've been made to feel the villain.
• 35:18
  Matt: We have fun.
• 35:19
  Matt: I'm thankful to be the villain.
• 35:20
  Matt: Now the back on topic again.
• 35:23
  Eric: Oh, but yeah, that's why like it that's well, that's why like my hearing a phone ring is a like my cell phone just start ringing is a fucking trigger.
• 35:34
  Eric: Like I just, it's like, oh, that's nothing good.
• 35:37
  Matt: And when you call someone and you get the dial time, you get the ringing sound.
• 35:42
  Matt: Yeah, do you not just pray and it goes to voicemail with every subsequent ring, you're like, oh, it's probably only three more, three more.
• 35:52
  Eric: And then there's the time, but let me hit you with this for the connoisseur.
• 35:58
  Eric: The time, do you remember back when people could set it so their their phone just never stopped?
• 36:04
  Eric: And by the time you realize that, you're like, oh, oh no.
• 36:09
  Matt: Oh my grandmother, my grandmother Baba didn't want to be contacted by any bill people or anything, anything like that.
• 36:17
  Matt: So her, and she didn't have an answering machine.
• 36:19
  Matt: So her methodology for this was we, if we wanted to reach her for real, we had to let that phone ring like 19, 20 times before she would pick up.
• 36:31
  Matt: And at a certain point, you start getting worried about how long the phone is ringing.
• 36:37
  Eric: Oh no, Baba.
• 36:39
  Eric: Baba, oh no.
• 36:40
  Eric: But yeah, so I would know that system well.
• 36:44
  Eric: And then it's almost worse if it like if you've let it go for a long time and then they do pick up, you're like, oh, they were just listening to that, waiting for me to give up, and then I didn't, and now they're mad at the end.
• 36:55
  Matt: They're mad and they're like, yes, hello, what?
• 36:58
  Matt: And you have to be like, yeah, you double build my cat.
• 37:02
  Matt: You double build my cat.
• 37:04
  Matt: And I think what that's what it is, because when you have to call a company, right?
• 37:10
  Matt: When you have to call a company, it's never good.
• 37:14
  Matt: You're never calling a company to just tell them what a great job they're doing.
• 37:18
  Matt: Nah.
• 37:19
  Matt: And I think by extension, that might that that might be why there's a hesitation to call people in in friendships and things.
• 37:28
  Matt: Because like it A usually can be a text because if you have to call, it represents an elevation, an escalation.
• 37:35
  Eric: Yeah.
• 37:36
  Eric: It is, it is, it is a heightening of the stakes, as our professors would say.
• 37:41
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
• 37:43
  Matt: So you're saying you're saying you prefer like most millennials to text.
• 37:48
  Matt: Oh god, yes.
• 37:49
  Eric: I also just prefer that no one ever contact me ever.
• 37:53
  Matt: Yeah, okay.
• 37:54
  Matt: Interesting.
• 37:54
  Matt: So I and so I want to retire a hermit in the wood, Matthew.
• 37:59
  Matt: Oh, I yeah, I guess I could I could understand that.
• 38:02
  Matt: Um but you but you're saying uh you think text is an effective form of communication.
• 38:09
  Eric: Oh fuck yes, because I can always go back to it.
• 38:11
  Eric: There's never any like there's never any question about what was said, because it's right there.
• 38:16
  Eric: It is a matter of record.
• 38:18
  Eric: Oh, I see where this is going.
• 38:19
  Matt: Oh, it's a matter of record, you would say.
• 38:22
  Matt: Uh you would say you could easily respond to a text message in a in like a timely manner?
• 38:28
  Matt: Is that what you would say?
• 38:28
  Eric: Tell you what I'm not grateful for.
• 38:30
  Eric: Is that what you would say, Eric?
• 38:33
  Matt: You could say that.
• 38:35
  Matt: Uh I I'd say this is an inside joke, except it's not funny.
• 38:43
  Eric: But no, the the good news is if you're listening to this and you've ever had that, why the fuck hasn't Eric Poach texted me back?
• 38:51
  Eric: You can now take solace in the fact that I believe me, it wasn't you.
• 38:55
  Eric: And listen, um, I this is this is real.
• 38:58
  Eric: This is not a bit that I'm doing.
• 39:00
  Matt: No, this is not a bit, even remotely.
• 39:01
  Matt: I am the worst at responding to people.
• 39:04
  Matt: If you were one of the people, and Eric, this might be information, the new information to you, and if this is how I'm delivering it to you, I do apologize.
• 39:12
  Matt: Get out of here.
• 39:14
  Matt: I'm sweating.
• 39:15
  Matt: If you are one of the people who have contacted me to contact Eric Poach because you believe foolish and naively that because I do a podcast with Eric Poach, that he responds to me.
• 39:35
  Matt: Yeah, I see the double middle fingers.
• 39:37
  Matt: I see it.
• 39:37
  Matt: Very thanks forgiving of you.
• 39:40
  Matt: If you think that, I just want you to know that you are a fool.
• 39:46
  Matt: And I receive no preferential treatment whatsoever.
• 39:51
  Eric: Let it never be said that I discriminate.
• 39:53
  Eric: You know what, Eric?
• 39:54
  Matt: You're nothing.
• 39:55
  Eric: All my children are equal in my own.
• 39:57
  Matt: You're nothing if not consistent.
• 39:58
  Matt: And you know what?
• 39:58
  Matt: I'm thankful for that.
• 40:00
  Matt: I'm thankful for that.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_05: I love no, I love all of you.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_05: God, I love all of you so much.
• 40:07
  Matt: Go ahead, Eric.
• 40:08
  Matt: This is a safe space.
• 40:08
  Eric: No, I was just gonna let that hang.
• 40:10
  Eric: I wasn't gonna come back to it like a text conversation.
• 40:13
  Matt: Sit back in your Shay's lounge.
• 40:16
  Matt: I'm listening.
• 40:18
  Matt: Is this the humble pie?
• 40:20
  Eric: Is this what I'm eating right now?
• 40:22
  Eric: Is this did we find it?
• 40:24
  Eric: Did we find it?
• 40:25
  Eric: Oh man.
• 40:26
  Eric: Um, look, God, before you found it.
• 40:29
  Eric: This, this, this pit sweat right here on camera.
• 40:33
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 40:34
  Eric: That's all the last.
• 40:35
  Matt: Eric's very excited because we're recording video just in case we want to use it.
• 40:39
  Matt: And the idea he had for content just now was to show his how you know I've been hard at work.
• 40:48
  Matt: Oh man.
• 40:49
  Matt: Um, all right.
• 40:50
  Matt: Uh I think we answered the question.
• 40:53
  Matt: We don't like talking to people because it it makes it a serious situation.
• 40:59
  Matt: And we don't like that.
• 41:00
  Matt: We don't like that.
• 41:01
  Matt: We just we we prefer the text, or even better, no communication at all.
• 41:07
  Eric: Oh.
• 41:07
  Matt: Ah, that's good.
• 41:09
  Matt: So, Eric, um, I think we can move on to the next question.
• 41:12
  Eric: The only thing that hits better is is cancelled plans.
• 41:17
  unknown: Oh God.
• 41:18
  Matt: Oh my God.
• 41:21
  Matt: For us, for the actors for the actors in in the audience, I know you'll I know you'll know how good what I'm about to say is.
• 41:30
  Matt: A text message from your stage manager.
• 41:34
  Matt: Oh rehearsal.
• 41:36
  Matt: I'm so close has been canceled.
• 41:39
  Matt: Oh it's it's it it's something else.
• 41:44
  Eric: It is indescribable.
• 41:46
  Eric: It is indescribable.
• 41:48
  Matt: You thought a snow day was good?
• 41:49
  Matt: Holy shit, wait till a rehearsal is cancelled.
• 41:54
  Matt: Especially if it happens, and this is the sweet spot.
• 41:58
  Matt: Just before you got ready to leave.
• 42:03
  Matt: If you've begun getting ready to leave, it's the worst.
• 42:07
  Eric: I am laying in my bed in the dark, blinds down.
• 42:12
  Eric: I am like centering myself.
• 42:14
  Eric: Five minutes I gotta get up.
• 42:16
  Eric: Five minutes I gotta get up.
• 42:17
  Eric: Five minutes I gotta get up.
• 42:18
  Eric: I gotta get up.
• 42:19
  Matt: I gotta get ready to go in five minutes.
• 42:22
  Matt: And then here comes.
• 42:28
  Matt: Back to bed with you, young man.
• 42:31
  Matt: Oh.
• 42:33
  Matt: So thank you, uh a.lexali indirectly for the question.
• 42:37
  Matt: Now, uh we have one more here, Eric, to deal with.
• 42:42
  Matt: And it's it's a it's a question as old as time, one might say.
• 42:48
  Matt: This this comes from at Dairy King Eleven.
• 42:51
  Matt: Technically as old as books.
• 42:53
  Eric: Thank you.
• 42:55
  Matt: This comes from at Dairy King Eleven on Twitter.
• 43:00
  Matt: And uh the King today brings us the question of what is the oldest trick in the book?
• 43:07
  Matt: And follow-up.
• 43:09
  Matt: What book are they even talking about?
• 43:13
  Eric: And Matt, I just like I don't want to call you out or anything, but I I can see how the question was typed.
• 43:19
  Eric: I just want to put emphasis where emphasis is due.
• 43:21
  Eric: I'm just gonna like Oh, sure.
• 43:22
  Eric: You know what?
• 43:23
  Eric: That's fair.
• 43:25
  Eric: It was written what is the oldest trick in the book?
• 43:30
  Eric: That's all.
• 43:31
  Eric: I the only note.
• 43:32
  Matt: You are absolutely correct.
• 43:34
  Matt: Um, thank you for the correction.
• 43:37
  Matt: And I have to say, Eric, unbelievably, improbably.
• 43:44
  Matt: Don't ruin this for me.
• 43:45
  Matt: I was given I didn't ask for it, but I was given the answer to this question.
• 43:52
  Eric: Wait, it has an answer.
• 43:53
  Matt: That's what I said.
• 43:55
  Matt: I was scrolling on TikTok and I got a clip from an Old uh I forget the name of this show.
• 44:02
  Matt: You you you'll know it though.
• 44:03
  Matt: It's that it's a British show with like comedians in a semicircle with a big screen behind it.
• 44:08
  Matt: It's been hosted by like a variety of people.
• 44:11
  Matt: Oh yes.
• 44:12
  Matt: But and they're like they're like giving these like historical facts and things like that.
• 44:16
  Matt: Sandy from GBBO was hosting it recently.
• 44:20
  Matt: Um anyway, Daniel Ratcliffe is uh is on this particular thing, and he gets the question of what is the oldest trick in the book, and he knows.
• 44:30
  Matt: And he told me, Harry Potter told me, and I told me, and I looked it up, and sure enough, it is true.
• 44:39
  Matt: Are you interested in what the actual thing is?
• 44:42
  Matt: I am very interested.
• 44:44
  Matt: Okay, so I pulled this up real quick from a uh uh website called brainbubblegum.net.
• 44:52
  Matt: Uh but I have got I've gotten it from other sources as well.
• 44:57
  Matt: The 18th, 16th century BCE West Car papyrus tells the story of King Cheops of Great Pyramid fame, it says here.
• 45:10
  Matt: King Chops.
• 45:10
  Matt: King is it King Chops?
• 45:12
  Matt: Are you just I'm just making it?
• 45:14
  Matt: King Chops calling for the magician Daddy.
• 45:18
  Matt: So tet Daddy, who I almost called Teddy, and now I will.
• 45:21
  Matt: Teddy King Chops summon Daddy.
• 45:24
  Matt: King King Chops calls Daddy over, and Daddy the Magician pulls the head off of a goose, a duck, and an ox, and then restores them to life, a magic trick that is still performed to this day.
• 45:40
  Matt: And this is in the Westcar Papyrus of papyrus fame.
• 45:46
  Matt: You know, the font made of grass.
• 45:50
  Matt: No, I'm talking about the stock font that everyone makes fun of because you make it the old timey fart.
• 45:59
  Matt: Font.
• 46:00
  Matt: I said fart.
• 46:01
  Matt: Font.
• 46:03
  Matt: Font.
• 46:03
  Matt: It's based on this fucking slab of rock.
• 46:07
  Eric: Oh, holy shit.
• 46:08
  Eric: I didn't know that had a basis in reality.
• 46:11
  Eric: Dope.
• 46:11
  Eric: You didn't ask for it, but you got it, baby.
• 46:14
  Eric: So that it so he took the head off a goose, a a fox.
• 46:20
  Matt: Yeah, I I or Daniel Ratcliffe only said goose.
• 46:23
  Matt: This this other websites added these other animals.
• 46:26
  Matt: My understanding is that he he came up and the king was like, hey, entertain hey, enter daddy, entertain me.
• 46:33
  Matt: And out comes Daddy the magician.
• 46:36
  Matt: Daddy, Daddy Magic.
• 46:38
  Matt: Daddy the magnificent.
• 46:40
  Matt: And he has a goose, and he goes, and the goose's head just disappears, and everyone's like, Whoa, what the fuck?
• 46:47
  Matt: We've never seen that before.
• 46:48
  Matt: It's the 16th century.
• 46:50
  Matt: And then he just puts the head back on, and people still do this today.
• 46:55
  Matt: I imagine it's like a sleight of hand slash uh uh misdirection trick.
• 47:00
  Eric: Uh classic magic.
• 47:02
  Matt: Classic magic.
• 47:04
  Eric: Classic magic.
• 47:05
  Eric: I remember pull the head off a goose, put that shit back on.
• 47:07
  Matt: I remember this in the uh uh the magic secret secrets revealed documentary.
• 47:14
  Eric: Yeah, this was in the deleted scenes of the prestige.
• 47:17
  Matt: Yes, absolutely.
• 47:18
  Matt: So I think that's the real answer, but let me ask you, Eric, do you feel like that answers the spirit of the question?
• 47:26
  Matt: No, it doesn't.
• 47:27
  Matt: I don't think so either.
• 47:28
  Matt: Because I don't think anyone actually, like you said, think thinks of this as a a literal question or a literal what is the oldest trick in the book.
• 47:38
  Matt: I think when you say it's the oldest trick in the book, you're saying something much more metaphorical, and I think that's what we need to answer.
• 47:45
  Eric: Yeah.
• 47:45
  Eric: Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
• 47:47
  Eric: So, what is the oldest trick in the book?
• 47:48
  Eric: This has inspired me.
• 47:50
  Eric: I feel like the oldest trick in the book would be convincing everyone on earth of what the oldest trick in the book is and telling them it was some asshole named Daddy Magic pulling a goose's head off in ancient Egypt inventing fonts.
• 48:03
  Eric: If you can convince everybody of that, if you can make people think that that is a matter of record, that is the oldest trick in the book.
• 48:09
  Matt: That is the oldest trick in the book, perhaps.
• 48:12
  Matt: I it uh so what I think you're saying, and I guess I, you know, I intended to go deeper, but maybe we don't have to.
• 48:19
  Matt: Based on the historical answer, is the oldest trick in the book bullshitting people?
• 48:24
  Matt: Lie, yeah, lying.
• 48:26
  Matt: It's lying.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_02: Lying!
• 48:28
  Eric: Classic.
• 48:29
  Matt: I wish I told me something that I later found out was false.
• 48:40
  Eric: We're about to accidentally write the plot of a Ricky Gervais movie.
• 48:44
  Eric: Um indeed we are.
• 48:46
  Eric: But I do wish I could have been there.
• 48:49
  Eric: Like, what do you like what do you think the first lie was?
• 48:54
  Eric: Like the very the first thing that we would recognize as a lie.
• 49:00
  Matt: Well, I think uh, you know, not too uh I I guess it depends on your ideology, perhaps, and not to go too religious two episodes in a row, but if you're a if you lean towards uh the the the Christian uh mindset and uh or even the old testament mindset, I'm pretty sure it's you eat this apple.
• 49:24
  Eric: No doing the little dimple thing.
• 49:28
  Eric: Me?
• 49:29
  Eric: This one?
• 49:32
  Eric: I'm I'm think I'm I'm thinking I'm going even further back.
• 49:39
  Eric: Um I'm thinking like cavemen times uh-huh when like like two cavemen walking up to each other and one like one like gives the other caveman his stick to like borrow and like they're gesturally and like the other caveman goes off to the and the guy like like fucking breaks the stick and then hides it, and then the other caveman comes back and like and like give me the stick I'm translating for you.
• 50:09
  Eric: Thank you, and he points to another caveman across the way.
• 50:13
  Eric: It was Greg, and then the other caveman, the the original caveman goes and like murders Greg.
• 50:20
  Eric: Classic.
• 50:20
  Matt: And and you know that the stick was like the original cave person's like best fire poker stick that he's cultivated.
• 50:29
  Matt: Yeah, he's he's the tip of it's like all nice and hardened and burnt and like it make little yellow into big yellow.
• 50:37
  Matt: It make in just the right way, you know, like it makes the dark scary go away.
• 50:44
  Eric: Oh yeah, it primo poke poke.
• 50:47
  Eric: Like it it poke good and and and can make little.
• 50:53
  Matt: I don't think we can realistically continue this bit any further than we've taken it us far.
• 51:02
  Matt: Man, what a Thanksgiving episode we are providing.
• 51:05
  Matt: We we we have stooped to cavemen humor now.
• 51:08
  Matt: Oh yeah, we we we cave shame.
• 51:10
  Matt: I guess uh we I guess we cave shame Neanderthals now.
• 51:14
  Matt: Uh so no one truly no one is safe from our our our our from our time bigotry.
• 51:22
  Matt: From our time big bigotry from our our our whip cracking uh satire.
• 51:30
  Matt: I don't know what we're doing.
• 51:31
  Matt: It's a fucking Tuesday night, folks.
• 51:33
  Matt: Anyway, no, Matt, Matt! No, it's Thanksgiving.
• 51:38
  Matt: Thanksgiving.
• 51:39
  Eric: We recorded this to this morning.
• 51:42
  Eric: Gobble gobble.
• 51:43
  Eric: Uh oh, honey, put the cranberry sauce back in the freezer.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_02: The freezer.
• 51:52
  Eric: You aren't you getting ready to eat it?
• 51:55
  Eric: Oh, yeah! Yes! I'm pr I'm just practicing the oldest trick in the book, Matt.
• 52:01
  Matt: I'm just so uh is that where we've landed?
• 52:04
  Matt: The oldest trick in the book is just lying.
• 52:08
  Matt: Yeah, bullshit.
• 52:09
  Matt: I like I like it quite a bit, and everyone else does too, since the beginning of time.
• 52:16
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 52:17
  Matt: That's what we've learned, folks.
• 52:19
  Matt: And uh Derek Eleven, thank you for the question.
• 52:22
  Matt: Um now, Eric, earlier I promised that we were not done with a dot Lexalee, isn't that right?
• 52:29
  Eric: Oh, is that foreshadowing?
• 52:32
  Matt: It was.
• 52:33
  Matt: You even said as much.
• 52:34
  Matt: Uh, we were see, and we talked about this a little bit in the last episode, and then as soon as we were done recording that episode, in which we said, look, if you have a correction, if you want to fight us on something, by all means call the thought line.
• 52:49
  Matt: And I'm I'm not even kidding.
• 52:52
  Matt: We hung up, went to bed, and when we woke up in the morning, we had a voicemail doing the very thing.
• 53:01
  Eric: I like to think that as soon as Lexi heard that part of the episode, she just cracked her fucking knuckles and said is enough.
• 53:12
  Eric: Here we go.
• 53:13
  Eric: I can keep this facade up no longer.
• 53:16
  Eric: I'm about to end these men's whole careers.
• 53:19
  Matt: So here is a voicemail we have in the thought line.
• 53:23
  Matt: Not quite a question.
• 53:25
  Matt: What is it?
• 53:26
  Matt: It I think we can only we have to call this a circle back follow-up, Eric.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: Circle back follow-up!
• 53:31
  Matt: Let's see what we got.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, Matt Narrat.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is like a uh happy Halloween.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh first thing I want to say is a team pillowcase.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that was like a Maryland thing, but that's what we liked for growing up.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: I entered into this most recent episode ready to fight.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_00: I truly believe that milk friends are the work candy, and I'm ready to come in and play with me to the recent episode.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_00: However, I did not consider the uh healthcare candy version party is a little pinal.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, they have a really good candy.
• 54:13
  Matt: Thank you.
• 54:14
  Matt: However, however, too, however, follow me on the screen.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh you mentioned the uh unbranded little peanut butter candies that are covered in this the orange and black paper.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think that milk beds are like the brother to that candy that like won the lottery or somehow came into a bunch of money and like somehow rolled to the next pair of candies that they really shouldn't be.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_00: So first of all, like what what even are they?
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_00: Is it like copper covered conveyal milk?
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's disgusting.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_00: And not allowed that you mentioned the fillings because milk duds will either pull your fillings out or cause you to need them.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that is my theory.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think that milk buds are the new money of candy, and somehow they got the flashy branding, but they are a six-tier candy.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: They don't even deserve to be called candy, in my opinion.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: So that is what I will leave you all with.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_00: Happy Halloween.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, goodbye.
• 55:25
  Eric: Okay, can we just discuss the branding on the new money of candy?
• 55:32
  Eric: I do love the branding.
• 55:35
  Eric: The br the new m what a stance.
• 55:38
  Eric: Lexi, for for no other reason than that powerful branding.
• 55:45
  Eric: You have my utmost respect and admiration.
• 55:48
  Eric: Oh, and the fact that we're friends.
• 55:50
  Matt: And you were the first one brave enough to call the thought line and attempt to correct us.
• 55:58
  Matt: And for that, we have to give that we congratulations.
• 56:03
  Matt: Congratulations.
• 56:04
  Matt: Also, also pretty much gave away when you left the message, too.
• 56:07
  Eric: Let's that, and Matt, I'd be remiss if I did not point out the absolute vindication I received at the beginning.
• 56:18
  Eric: Or like for that alone, I am almost like willing to blindly defend her stance, my of my fellow sacker, my fellow pillowcase kid.
• 56:29
  Matt: Again, I recommend you don't call yourselves sackers.
• 56:32
  Matt: And sorry, pillow pals.
• 56:35
  Matt: It's better.
• 56:36
  Matt: It's better.
• 56:37
  Matt: We're workshopping it.
• 56:38
  Matt: Sure.
• 56:38
  Matt: You have to workshop it.
• 56:40
  Matt: You want to know why?
• 56:40
  Matt: Because you're not mainstream.
• 56:42
  Matt: You're not mainstream.
• 56:43
  Matt: You're not mainstream, Eric.
• 56:45
  Matt: Pillowcases are a radical sect of trick-or-treating.
• 56:50
  Eric: Get a load of this milk dud, eh, Lexi?
• 56:53
  Eric: Lexi's not here and you know it.
• 56:55
  Matt: You can't use her against me, right?
• 56:58
  Matt: Lexi, listen, thank you for calling in.
• 57:02
  Matt: Thank you for this new money candy.
• 57:04
  Matt: That's a funny concept.
• 57:05
  Matt: You applied it to the wrong candy.
• 57:09
  Matt: I we didn't talk about milk duds.
• 57:11
  Eric: We did not talk about milk duds.
• 57:13
  Eric: And to Lexi's credit, we didn't talk, we just didn't talk about milk duds.
• 57:18
  Eric: But they are hollow.
• 57:18
  Matt: They put them out of the candy.
• 57:20
  Matt: They do pop up.
• 57:20
  Matt: If you're not familiar with a milk dud, uh let me tell you about it.
• 57:24
  Matt: The milk dud is a chocolate-coated caramel or caramel, however you'd like.
• 57:30
  Matt: Candy produced by Hershey.
• 57:32
  Matt: It's a caramel ball covered with confectionery chocolate coating made out of cocoa and vegetable oil.
• 57:38
  Matt: I'm obviously reading this from fucking Wikipedia because the next step says milk butt milk duds are sold in a yellowish orange box.
• 57:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 57:48
  Matt: And the milk in the candy's name refers to the large amount of milk in the product.
• 57:52
  Matt: Obviously, the use of dud came because of the original aim of having a spherical shape, but that was not achievable.
• 58:00
  Matt: It was they were created in 1928.
• 58:02
  Matt: How about that?
• 58:03
  Eric: But that none of that is important.
• 58:05
  Eric: But I I I see what Lexi is saying.
• 58:07
  Eric: Lexi's saying, hey, if it weren't for that chocolate, the chocolate is, I think, is what saves the milk dud from being low-camerous.
• 58:20
  Eric: It's kind of like yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 58:22
  Eric: It it's it's not a good caramel by itself.
• 58:26
  Eric: Sticky, a little cloying.
• 58:28
  Eric: But when you add dark chocolate into the equation, ooh.
• 58:31
  Eric: Pretty sure it's milk chocolate, because it's milk duds, by the way.
• 58:35
  Eric: I thought the milk content referred to the content of the caramel.
• 58:38
  Eric: Well, beyond that, I think I'm pretty sure they're good.
• 58:41
  Eric: Because your eyes flashing across Wikipedia.
• 58:44
  Matt: Well, uh, they are to the very much brown, not black candies that are made out of milk chocolate.
• 58:52
  Matt: It's quite clearly milk chocolate.
• 58:55
  Matt: It doesn't matter.
• 58:56
  Matt: We're getting we're getting two in the weeds on this.
• 58:59
  Matt: Eric, what milk duds, good or bad?
• 59:03
  Matt: I don't mind a milk dud.
• 59:04
  Matt: I'm not gonna I don't mind it.
• 59:06
  Matt: I don't mind.
• 59:07
  Matt: They're not a carmelo.
• 59:09
  Matt: They're not a carmelo.
• 59:11
  Matt: They're not a Rolo.
• 59:13
  Matt: Which is probably not a Rolo.
• 59:14
  Eric: Which is probably the more you know what it is?
• 59:16
  Eric: It's the Walmart Rolo.
• 59:18
  Eric: It's the Walmart Rolo.
• 59:19
  Eric: Matt, and can we just very quickly, I feel like we're aligned on this a lot.
• 59:22
  Eric: Um, let's just tier the caramels real quick.
• 59:25
  Eric: Up at the top, we've got caramellos.
• 59:27
  Matt: I I even I would say carmelo, even though I usually say caramel.
• 59:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 59:32
  Eric: Carmelo's at the top, Rolos beneath them, reasons beneath them, milk duds at the bottom.
• 59:40
  Matt: Sh if we're talking about the gooey caramel.
• 59:43
  Matt: The gooey chocolate covered, then sure.
• 59:46
  Matt: But you know, because otherwise you gotta bring Worthers into it.
• 59:51
  Eric: Oh, fuck no.
• 59:52
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 59:53
  Matt: So God, no, fuck that.
• 59:55
  Matt: Well, I know you're not dissing Worthers right now.
• 59:58
  Matt: There's just no, no, no, no.
• 1:00:00
  Eric: But like, if I had to include Werthers, the fucking amount of other character Well, that's what I'm saying.
• 1:00:07
  Matt: If you're bringing in, you know, nips to the equation, we got a whole spectrum now.
• 1:00:13
  Eric: It's it's not it's not that I don't like having Werthers at my party.
• 1:00:18
  Eric: It's who Werthers brings with them.
• 1:00:21
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 1:00:22
  Eric: I do.
• 1:00:22
  Matt: I do know what you mean.
• 1:00:24
  Matt: And I feel as though you're right.
• 1:00:28
  Matt: I think it's on the bottom of this like caramel situation.
• 1:00:33
  Eric: But Lexi, let's be clear.
• 1:00:35
  Eric: We think it's bottom tier.
• 1:00:37
  Eric: Uh I think it's above NECO wafers.
• 1:00:42
  Eric: Oh, for sure.
• 1:00:43
  Eric: That that's why I'm like, that's that's where I gently push back.
• 1:00:45
  Eric: I'm like, because I think about like at least it you know what keeps saving milk duds for me?
• 1:00:50
  Eric: Tell me.
• 1:00:50
  Eric: The chocolate.
• 1:00:51
  Eric: It's the chocolate.
• 1:00:52
  Eric: I agree.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: It's the chocolate.
• 1:00:54
  Eric: And that's what Lexi was saying.
• 1:00:55
  Eric: That's what makes the new money.
• 1:00:56
  Eric: It's the it's the fact that like milk, it was shitty, it was a it was a low-tier caramel that was like, what if I just dip myself in chocolate?
• 1:01:05
  Matt: Yeah, I guess.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: And then it got elevated.
• 1:01:07
  Matt: But by that same extension, you could almost I I almost hesitate to bring them up because I am quite fond of what I think is sort of a relative of the milk dud, but is its older and wiser brother, the junior mint.
• 1:01:24
  Matt: I fucking love the junior mint, but you could make the same arguments, essentially a mint covered in chocolate or like a mint goo.
• 1:01:31
  Eric: It is, but they were smart with the junior mints because the inside of a junior mint is like fluffy, melts in your mouth almost instantly.
• 1:01:39
  Eric: It's so nice.
• 1:01:40
  Eric: I fucking love junior mints.
• 1:01:41
  Eric: Milk duds, goddamn, they make you work.
• 1:01:44
  Matt: They make you work a little bit, whereas a junior mint is uh in the famous words of Cosmo Kramer, very refreshing.
• 1:01:52
  Eric: It's very refreshing.
• 1:01:53
  Eric: It's my favorite movie, Candy.
• 1:01:54
  Matt: Oh, really?
• 1:01:55
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:01:56
  Matt: Oh, mine's Reese's pieces.
• 1:01:57
  Eric: Oh, good choice, good choice, good choice.
• 1:01:59
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 1:02:00
  Matt: Um, yeah, I think uh yeah, I think uh it's low tier.
• 1:02:05
  Matt: In terms of it's low tier, but I I can cause, I think, I guess I could say it's new money if in this equation, in this hierarchy, Rolo is considered the old money.
• 1:02:18
  Eric: Rolo and reason are the old money of Kentucky.
• 1:02:21
  Eric: Actually, reason is definitely the old reason.
• 1:02:23
  Eric: Reason is like yeah, of the Kentucky reasons.
• 1:02:28
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:28
  Matt: They're definitely like uh the highest brow, whether or not they've earned it.
• 1:02:36
  Eric: Several of the reasons are sweating bullets right now over the Supreme Court debating like uh uh uh legacy admissions in famous Ivy League schools.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 1:02:50
  Matt: The reasons were at the heart of the college admission scandal with Lori Lochliff.
• 1:02:56
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: They they got her last name is uh uh Laaughlin hyphen reason.
• 1:03:05
  Eric: Laughlin reason.
• 1:03:06
  Eric: Um Laughlin reason, yes.
• 1:03:08
  Matt: Uh so I I get yeah, I guess what we're coming around to is it's low tier.
• 1:03:13
  Matt: I don't think it's I would not consider milk duds to be shitty candy.
• 1:03:17
  Eric: I would consider them to be a chore.
• 1:03:20
  Eric: I like the flavors.
• 1:03:21
  Eric: The flavors are dope.
• 1:03:22
  Eric: I I do not enjoy eating them.
• 1:03:23
  Matt: Man, you are slowly turning into Paul Hollywood as this episode continues.
• 1:03:27
  Eric: My jar flavor's a good hurt flavor's good, it's underproved.
• 1:03:32
  Matt: Um the consistency is the problem, is what you're saying about the milk dud, I think.
• 1:03:39
  Eric: Yeah, it's sometimes the milk dud works with me.
• 1:03:42
  Eric: Sometimes the milk dud don't.
• 1:03:45
  Eric: Sometimes the milk don't.
• 1:03:46
  Matt: Now, that being said, in the context of trick-or-treat candy, I'm not necessarily rushing to the milk dud.
• 1:03:56
  Eric: Not rushing to the milk dud, which is also problematic because the longer you wait, milk duds got a shelf life.
• 1:04:02
  Eric: I think we can agree on that.
• 1:04:03
  Eric: Like all candy has a shelf life, but milk duds, nah man.
• 1:04:07
  Eric: Once they're once they've been taken out of the cryogenic freezer, I guess, they have a they have a limited time before they are rocks.
• 1:04:15
  Eric: They are just little, I can use them as ammunition in my slingshot.
• 1:04:19
  Matt: I mean, I think yes and no, because I think because they're already hard in the mid in the middle a little bit, they're already tough.
• 1:04:28
  Matt: I think that when you put them I think the milk duds are sitting back in the bag, or in your case, the pillowcase, and are saying and are saying, like, oh yeah, going for the nerds, huh?
• 1:04:43
  Matt: Oh, oh, going for the heath bar?
• 1:04:46
  Matt: Sure.
• 1:04:47
  Matt: Guess what?
• 1:04:48
  Matt: I'll be here when you're ready.
• 1:04:50
  Matt: I'll be here when you're ready.
• 1:04:51
  Matt: I'll be here when you're ready.
• 1:04:52
  Matt: You know what's next to me?
• 1:04:54
  Matt: Necko wafers.
• 1:04:55
  Matt: Who are you gonna eat first then?
• 1:04:56
  Matt: Yeah, I'll see you later.
• 1:04:58
  Eric: Come on.
• 1:04:58
  Eric: I'll see you later.
• 1:04:59
  Matt: Come on, you know where this is.
• 1:05:00
  Eric: Okay, so yeah, that that also lends itself.
• 1:05:03
  Eric: It knows it knows its place.
• 1:05:05
  Eric: It knows what it is, I mean it knows what it's not.
• 1:05:08
  Eric: It knows what it's not, and it's counting on being the best of the worst options.
• 1:05:14
  Eric: For me, for me personally, it is counting on being the best of the worst options.
• 1:05:18
  Eric: That is also very new money.
• 1:05:20
  Eric: Yeah, it's like, oh, who are you gonna who are you gonna date?
• 1:05:23
  Eric: This this this you know, this person over here who's you know kind-hearted and loving, or you're gonna date me, someone covered in chocolate who has money.
• 1:05:34
  Matt: Yeah, it's it's also it i uh the attitude I think a little bit i in terms of its ranking, if I could bring this back to high school band and use myself as an example.
• 1:05:47
  Matt: I was first chair trumpet, Eric.
• 1:05:50
  Eric: Fuck yeah, you were.
• 1:05:51
  Matt: First chair third trumpet.
• 1:05:55
  Eric: Is that supposed to mean something to me?
• 1:05:57
  Matt: Weren't you in band?
• 1:05:58
  Matt: No.
• 1:05:59
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_05: I was never in bed.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, Eric doesn't respond to sex.
• 1:06:07
  Matt: One, one, you don't.
• 1:06:09
  Matt: And two, what does that have anything to do with this conversation?
• 1:06:13
  Eric: I was never in band.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: Okay, all right.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: So Eric, I'm sorry, I'll explain well, everyone else is having a great chuckle who's been in band.
• 1:06:21
  Matt: I know.
• 1:06:21
  Eric: It was the way you were looking at me, I was like, does he think I know?
• 1:06:25
  Matt: I was so yes.
• 1:06:26
  Matt: So you basically you have sections, right?
• 1:06:28
  Matt: The best, you have first trumpet who plays like the real hard parts, and then second trumpets, and then third trumpets.
• 1:06:35
  Matt: Rhythm trumpet.
• 1:06:36
  Matt: If you will, the rhythm trumpet.
• 1:06:38
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:06:39
  Matt: I'll put it this way: there's no fourth trumpet.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: Uh, and so I was the best of the worst.
• 1:06:49
  Matt: Yes, that is where milk dud sits for me.
• 1:06:52
  Eric: I was the best of the backup trumpets, if you will.
• 1:06:55
  Eric: How many of your fellow backup trumpets went on to be in ska bands?
• 1:06:59
  Eric: I don't think any of them.
• 1:07:02
  Matt: Um uh fucking shame that I know of.
• 1:07:04
  Matt: But I will say this this is true.
• 1:07:06
  Matt: This is not bullshit.
• 1:07:08
  Matt: I long after not long after high school, but like somewhere in the middle of college, a band from high school was playing a gig, and they needed um they they had a virtuoso sax player.
• 1:07:24
  Matt: I mean, he's so good uh in the band.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: And they're they're they're a proper rock band, you know, like they're not as part of the school band.
• 1:07:33
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:07:33
  Matt: And they were doing like a battle of the bands thing, but their Jeremy, if you're listening.
• 1:07:37
  Matt: Uh Jeremy, their sax player, couldn't make it.
• 1:07:40
  Matt: And so they reached out to me because I was a friend, and I was like, first of all, A, you know I play trumpet, and B, and not saxophone, and B, you know I'm kinda bad at it.
• 1:07:51
  Matt: Like, you know that, right?
• 1:07:52
  Matt: And so the I was good at jazz band, because you know, notes.
• 1:07:56
  Matt: Uh once I didn't need to pay attention to notes, I could shine.
• 1:08:00
  Matt: Uh because I say I've said it once and I'll say it again.
• 1:08:03
  Matt: I'm an ideas man.
• 1:08:04
  Matt: Now, I can't be held down by rules and regulations.
• 1:08:09
  Matt: Now, in this battle of the bands, what song did they want me to play, Eric, did they want me to spot in on?
• 1:08:18
  Matt: The impression that I get by the mighty, mighty boss tones.
• 1:08:21
  Matt: That's correct, baby.
• 1:08:23
  Matt: So I, very briefly, one night only, was in a ska band.
• 1:08:28
  Eric: Matt, I I cannot overstate how joyous this makes me.
• 1:08:35
  Eric: We did not win.
• 1:08:38
  Eric: Can I tell you in the audience my favorite, my favorite, one of my favorite jokes?
• 1:08:42
  Eric: Yeah, I would wish you would.
• 1:08:44
  Eric: All right.
• 1:08:44
  Eric: This is all right.
• 1:08:45
  Eric: Matt, how many members of a ska band does it take to screw in a light bulb?
• 1:08:51
  Eric: I really want to get this right.
• 1:08:53
  Matt: Um I can only imagine.
• 1:08:58
  Matt: I'm trying to figure out how the punchline involves pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
• 1:09:02
  Eric: Um how many, Eric?
• 1:09:05
  Eric: You're so close.
• 1:09:06
  Eric: You're so close.
• 1:09:07
  Eric: It takes 11.
• 1:09:08
  Eric: One to screw, try to screw it in and drop it, and 10 to go.
• 1:09:12
  Eric: Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
• 1:09:16
  Eric: I was so close.
• 1:09:17
  Eric: I was right there.
• 1:09:18
  Eric: You were so you were there.
• 1:09:19
  Eric: I was right there.
• 1:09:21
  Eric: But milk duds.
• 1:09:22
  Matt: But milk duds.
• 1:09:23
  Matt: Yeah, let's bring it on home.
• 1:09:24
  Matt: Like, Lexi, I uh here's what I'll say.
• 1:09:26
  Eric: I've come around to it, to the new money, moniker.
• 1:09:29
  Eric: You've pushed back.
• 1:09:31
  Eric: You've pushed back.
• 1:09:31
  Eric: You pushed back.
• 1:09:32
  Eric: And like I did that thing where like I started stumbling back and I was kind of offended, but it was almost it's very sobering.
• 1:09:37
  Eric: I was like, Yeah.
• 1:09:39
  Eric: I just I just want you to know, Lexi, I I see you.
• 1:09:43
  Eric: I see I see you.
• 1:09:45
  Eric: I see you.
• 1:09:46
  Eric: Not on not in like the the nave sense.
• 1:09:48
  Eric: I'm not trying to make it weird.
• 1:09:50
  Eric: Um sobering.
• 1:09:52
  Matt: Well, you got Avatar 2 on the mind, huh?
• 1:09:55
  Matt: You're counting down the days to that next James Cameron flick.
• 1:10:00
  Eric: I would say Lexi, seen and valid.
• 1:10:03
  Eric: I have my own per my personal Halloween demon will remain the peanut butter delight, or what I've already forgotten them, they're that bad.
• 1:10:13
  Matt: We all have our own Halloween trick-or-treat candy demon that we wait until the end to to get to.
• 1:10:22
  Matt: But I would maintain, at least for me, and if that's if it's not the case for you, Lexi, as I think Eric said in the last episode about me, we all have our flaws.
• 1:10:33
  Matt: But the the the the the situation is with milk duds, I feel it's a low tier, but it's not shit tier.
• 1:10:46
  Matt: And it's top tier of the low tier.
• 1:10:48
  Matt: It's the top, it's the best of the worst.
• 1:10:51
  Matt: It's the best of the worst.
• 1:10:52
  Matt: It's the first among the fallen, so to speak, you know?
• 1:10:55
  Eric: Yeah, it is the Lucifer morning star of candy.
• 1:11:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:11:01
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:11:03
  Matt: And uh nevertheless, we thank you for the feedback.
• 1:11:07
  Matt: We thank you for the pushback.
• 1:11:09
  Matt: Thank you for calling the thought line.
• 1:11:10
  Matt: And that just goes to show you, folks, you can call the thought line and give us a correction if you want.
• 1:11:17
  Eric: We'll take them until it becomes overwhelming.
• 1:11:19
  Matt: We'll take them.
• 1:11:20
  Eric: Correct us.
• 1:11:20
  Matt: Correct us.
• 1:11:21
  Eric: Or until we disagree with one hard enough.
• 1:11:23
  Matt: Like, yeah, you know, until that's all that's in the book.
• 1:11:27
  Eric: Or if you make like make make points, make them salient, but don't make them too salient because then we probably just won't air it because we don't want to look that dumb.
• 1:11:34
  Eric: We don't want to look dumb.
• 1:11:35
  Eric: No.
• 1:11:36
  Eric: No, we do.
• 1:11:37
  Eric: Please, please tell us how dumb we are.
• 1:11:40
  Matt: Yes, absolutely.
• 1:11:40
  Matt: Call the thought line at 410-929-5329 with your questions, your criticisms, your concerns, your your poems.
• 1:11:51
  Matt: Uh, we have in the past asked if you needed a job reference.
• 1:11:55
  Matt: We'll do that for you.
• 1:11:56
  Matt: Oh my god, we will lie on a job reference for you.
• 1:11:58
  Matt: Call it today, folks.
• 1:12:00
  Matt: Just just you know what you could do?
• 1:12:02
  Matt: You could call it and just stream a consciousness.
• 1:12:05
  Matt: Just start going.
• 1:12:06
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:12:07
  Matt: Just go to nuts.
• 1:12:09
  Matt: It's too late because this is already Thanksgiving.
• 1:12:11
  Matt: But if you are indeed listening to it secretly in the bathroom because you have to get away from your family, go back downstairs, call the thought line, and I ooh.
• 1:12:20
  Matt: Whoever's ranting at the table that moment, give it to us.
• 1:12:24
  Matt: Give it to him.
• 1:12:25
  Matt: Give it to her.
• 1:12:26
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:12:26
  Eric: So let them talk.
• 1:12:28
  Matt: Let them talk to us and we'll see.
• 1:12:30
  Matt: We'll see if that is uh uh problematic enough to be banned from the show or not.
• 1:12:38
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:12:38
  Matt: And so with that, Eric, I think that'll about do it for this Thanksgiving episode.
• 1:12:43
  Matt: We didn't really land on a tradition, did we?
• 1:12:45
  unknown: Um.
• 1:12:51
  Matt: No, we didn't.
• 1:12:52
  Matt: Well, we I guess the tr we we we called each other out on some things.
• 1:12:56
  Eric: Oh, can that be our tradition?
• 1:12:58
  Eric: Can we trad like every Thanksgiving week?
• 1:13:00
  Eric: Yeah, it's every day we were each other, just two best friends calling each other out.
• 1:13:04
  Matt: Yeah, I I'm down with that.
• 1:13:06
  Matt: Uh I can do that uh any day of the week.
• 1:13:09
  Matt: Uh so so no thank so thank you all for the questions, though.
• 1:13:13
  Matt: You can submit them all to us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com all spelled out, or on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or YouTube now that they've introduced handles at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:13:25
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:13:27
  Matt: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube.
• 1:13:29
  Matt: Give it all on over to us.
• 1:13:31
  Matt: You least pressing questions, you dumb questions, your local legends, your neighborhood fights.
• 1:13:37
  Matt: I'd love a neighborhood fight right about now.
• 1:13:40
  Matt: Yeah, whatever's going on in those chat rooms, you know, really whatever you fucking want, my guys.
• 1:13:46
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:13:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:13:48
  Matt: Just get in there.
• 1:13:50
  Eric: Get the fuck in there.
• 1:13:52
  Eric: Quit sitting around with your dick in the dirt and just fucking send it.
• 1:13:59
  Eric: Pick your dick up out.
• 1:14:00
  Eric: Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
• 1:14:01
  Eric: Pick your dick up out.
• 1:14:03
  Eric: Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
• 1:14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And get with it.
• 1:14:08
  Matt: And get the fuck with it.
• 1:14:11
  Matt: And on that note, from all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:14:15
  Matt: My name's Matt J.
• 1:14:17
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:14:18
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:14:20
  SPEAKER_01: But I never do now come on.
• 1:14:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I know someone who has made me wonder if I could.
• 1:14:32
  Matt: I just wanted to see how long you could take it.
• 1:14:34
  Matt: I could yeah.
• 1:14:36
  Matt: I just wanted to see how far you could get into the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones.
• 1:14:39
  Matt: Not mighty mighty far.
• 1:14:41
  Matt: And that's the impression.