Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Letting Go Gracefully as Your Teen Leaves the Nest
Transcript
- Transcript Rise Up - Leaving the Nest 00:00:01 - Announcer Rise Up Live Joy Your Way From Emotional Intelligence through Cognitive distortions Certified life and wellness coach Kamini Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit. Through these small bites of self visualization and self confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live. Rise up, Live joy your way. Kamini (00:01.454) Hi there and welcome back to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way, whether it's morning, afternoon or evening. Thank you for spending some time here with me. And today I wanna talk about where we are currently, you know, at the time of this recording. We're entering into the May, June era and we're getting ready for a lot of seniors to be graduating high school. And you know, it's a special time for the seniors and it's a special time for parents. So. Maybe you're already in it. Maybe it's just you're on the corner. Maybe this is something that you just, it resonates with you because you've been through it. But I want to just hold space today for both the teenager who's trying to be brave and the parent who's quietly maybe falling apart on the inside while smiling on the outside. Because let's be honest, this transition is a really big one. It's an awesome one and it's also a bittersweet one. It's one that I know well. My older, out of my children so far, I've had three who've, who've left the house and gone on to the next big thing for themselves. And I just feel like sometimes we don't talk about all the emotions that come with it, both for the senior and for the parent. So let's start with your teenager. They're about to step into the unknown, and a lot of them are really, really excited. But it doesn't mean even those that are excited aren't a little scared and a little bit unsure and uncertain. And then we also have the teenagers that are a little bit, they're a little nervous. They're not feeling quite ready for what's coming next. And they might feel that pressure to have it all figured out. They might feel that pressure of what they're gonna major in, what's next, who they're supposed to be, how are they gonna succeed in this new environment where nobody knows them. And there's a lot of uncertainty and a lot of anticipation. And so for some, You know, they handle it, or at least on the outside, they're super excited and they're just ready to go. And for others, maybe anxiety might be masked as apathy or not really being super interested or just kind of saying, yeah, it's fine. Everything's fine. But underneath all of what's going on could be some unspoken fears. The, you know, will I belong? How do I know where I belong? What if I mess up? What if I lose myself trying to fit in? Kamini (02:24.78) And I know not just as a parent, as somebody who coaches teenagers and young adults, I've seen seniors freeze in that space. Not because they're lazy or unmotivated or just procrastinators, but because they're just overwhelmed by the weight of what they know is coming. Sometimes it shows up in irritation. Sometimes it's resistance. Sometimes it's detachment. And a lot of times it's, as I mentioned, the apathetic, that everything's fine, not really feeling or showing any engagement with much. And part of it is that they are losing that piece of their childhood. They're in that weird space of stepping out of childhood and embracing their agency and autonomy as their own adult self. But let's also talk about us parents, right? You're so proud. This is what you've been working towards with your kid. You're cheering them on. You're posting those cap and gown photos. You're smiling through it. And if you're going to be honest, there's a part of you that's probably grieving a little bit too, because it's not just about launching your kid into the world. It is also about letting go a little bit of that childhood that you've been working really hard on and helping them through. And there's no guilt in some of those feelings of grief and loss. And there's no guilt in soaking up every last moment. It's just, we as parents have a fear around some of this as well. As our child's gonna be okay, how do we know that they're gonna be fine? Confusion also for yourself about who you are now outside of maybe being mom or dad and having everything be about your kid. And you know what? This doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or that you're weak or anything like that. It's evidence of how much you've loved and how much you've given. And it's not just their next chapter, it's your next chapter too. And you're transitioning from one way of showing up as parent to another way of showing up as parent, right? And that shift is not an easy one. It's not one that should be taken lightly. So how do we support our teenagers without smothering them? And I wanna say that this one gets tricky. I know this from a personal perspective as well. Your child is on this edge of the new chapter. Kamini (04:41.358) And your instinct as a parent might be to step in and fix or remind or prepare for every possible scenario because that's how we are, we're programmed as parents most often. But what we really need to do as parents is hold this space for our kids and not necessarily fill it. So it's important to maybe normalize their fears, normalize the uncertainties. acknowledge that they may be feeling nervous, acknowledge that new beginnings can feel uneasy, they can feel messy. And instead of assuming that you know what's going on, ask questions. know, what are you excited about? Is there something that is stressing you out? What is stressing you out? And let them solve some of the smaller problems so that they start building this confidence, right? So, you know, things like picking out their room for the next year. Well, we want to help and support. It's also important for our teenager to have some agency on doing that research and figuring out what dorm they want to live in. Because it's not about fixing it or solving it for them. It's about encouraging them to realize that they have the ability to solve some of these things themselves. And it is also important to reground yourself as they want, right? So it's important to not forget your own emotions throughout this whole process. So ask yourself really important questions around how much of my identity is wrapped up in parenting, for instance. And what am I maybe now ready to reclaim as I launch my child off to college? What am I maybe ready to reclaim for myself? And how can I model emotional courage through this transition by showing up and working through my emotions? I'm also modeling that for my child because even though your child is basically launching off into their young adulthood, and into their own, they're still watching you and they're learning how you adapt. And so when you give permission, you give yourself permission to feel, you're actually giving them permission to feel too. And that teaches them that it's okay to have the feelings that they have in terms of all of the emotions that come up with this transition because life transitions do involve a lot of emotions, a lot of change. So whether you're the senior stepping out or the parent holding on, Kamini (07:03.542) it's really important to take some time to reflect and to name what it is that you're feeling. So, you know, as you go through this, really take time to either sit down and journal or at least acknowledge for yourself because the emotions that you're feeling are not weaknesses. They are, they're really part of your own humanity and, and the recognition that you are growing and evolving. So allowing space for those feelings is so important. If you'd like to talk with me about how coaching can support you through either this transition or other transitions that you're going through, feel free to book a time with me anytime at CoachWithCommuny.com and until next time, stay well. Thank you for listening to Rise Up. Live Joy Your Way. For more information, book a chat with Kamini at www.chatwithKamini.com or visit her website at www.KaminiWood.com You can also find Kamini on Facebook or Instagram username itsauthenticme. Thank you for listening.