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Breaking Free from Codependency and Reclaiming Your Worth · Live Your Legacy

0:00
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Live Your Legacy.
0:04
SPEAKER_02: Wherever story holds a turning point.
0:09
SPEAKER_02: Wherever turning point holds the power of legacy.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Grace and greetings.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Live Your Legacy, a Mr.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: Graham production, the conversational podcast where we explore how life's defining moments shape the legacy we leave behind.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Patricia D.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: Fordenberg, also known as Patty from New York.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: And this show is rooted in one simple truth.
0:33
SPEAKER_01: Grief is not always about death.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it comes through life's changes, losses, detours, and new beginnings.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: And here we speak with entrepreneurs, authors, leaders, and creators who've turned life's defining moments into meaningful work and lasting contributions.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Because legacy is not only what we leave behind, it's what we are shaping right now through vision, impact, and purpose.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: And today we are honored to welcome our special guest, Roman, a transformational coach, a speaker, an advocate, emotional healing and personal growth.
1:11
SPEAKER_01: She helps women overcome, build healthy boundaries, and rediscover their self-worth so they can create lives and relationships rooted in confidence, freedom, and purpose.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: Please, everybody, welcome Denise to the show.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: Where are you coming in from, Denise?
1:28
SPEAKER_01: And tell us a little bit more about yourself before we get into it.
1:31
SPEAKER_01: Denise, over to you, my friend.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think you're on mute.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: I think you're on mute.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I see the mute button.
1:45
SPEAKER_01: But it's okay while we play with our bells and whistles.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: I see the mute button on the on your name tag there.
1:52
SPEAKER_01: So if you go behind the scenes, there should be a little a mute button at the bottom panel.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: There should be a microphone.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Yay!
2:01
SPEAKER_00: Sorry about that.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, it's quite all right.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: Listen, it happened.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: This is what I love about lives.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: You're getting the raw and real people.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: So take it away, Denise.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: Where are you coming in from?
2:10
SPEAKER_01: Tell us a little bit more about yourself and thank you for being here.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Patty, for having me.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm coming in from San Antonio, Texas.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm Denise Ann Willis, and I'm a transformational coach, a speaker, and an author.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: And I basically wrote the book on loving yourself, which is my entire memoir.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: Very transparent.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: 30 years of abuse.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: And there's little takeaways in the back of the chapters that hopefully, if someone just wants to buy the book, they can get something from that.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: I love helping women because I, my own coach, changed my life.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: And that's one reason I became a coach.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Of course, there's power with women.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: We share, we love each other, we're committed to one another.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: And one of the things that I do is take women down the path of rediscovering who they are.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: A lot of these women have been through relationships that have left them broken and unsure of themselves, questioning everything about themselves, not able to make a decision.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: And what I do is I'm with them step by step.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: I still reach out to my clients two, three years from now.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm still texting them on occasion and they're and praying.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: I always pray for all my clients.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: So one of the things I do is I believe in my clients before they believe in themselves.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: I walk with them the entire step of the way.
3:26
SPEAKER_00: Some of the biggest things that are so important that I learned from my own coach, and that was boundaries.
3:31
SPEAKER_00: You want to go ahead, let me go into that, Patty?
3:34
SPEAKER_00: First, before we get into it, because I'm already like, okay, grab the popcorn.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: Grab the popcorn.
3:40
SPEAKER_01: I love how you already are telling us how you build relationships.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm already thinking from young to older, like all I'm imagining that you got a good variety.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: But why like to start the show like this?
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of times it's in reflection, right?
3:53
SPEAKER_01: So would you say, and you could agree or disagree, there's no right or wrong answer here, but would you agree or disagree that hindsight is always 2020?
4:03
SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: So can you take us back now for a moment and share with us a pivotal moment that changed the direction of your life or work?
4:16
SPEAKER_01: And clearly it seems like both.
4:19
SPEAKER_00: Probably the pivotal was meeting my coach and her at a woman's luncheon.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: She handed me a card.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: She had just gotten certified, and she said, Hi, I'm Martha.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: And she said, if you ever need anything, call me.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: And I thought, whatever.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: And I put her card away.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: And one day I had a horrible experience at work, and I called her and we had a nice little chat.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: And she gave me some words of wisdom.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: And I ended up working with her over a couple of years.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: She became my best friend, my mentor.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: I quote, adopted her as my mom.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: She's since gone on to be with the Lord.
4:53
SPEAKER_00: But that woman made a huge impact on my life.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: And that's one of the reasons I want to pay it forward.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: Having somebody believe in you before you believe in yourself, she taught me all kinds of life skills.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to take away from you, Patty, if you have certain questions.
5:08
SPEAKER_01: No, because like you when you're in the vein, I don't want to stop you.
5:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm the queen of interception.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: I might have been a football player in a past life.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
5:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm the queen of jumping in there impulsively at times, most of the time.
5:22
SPEAKER_01: But you you're like in the vein of, I don't want to stop you either.
5:25
SPEAKER_01: But what challenge would you say was a blessing in disguise?
5:29
SPEAKER_01: Now that maybe you could take us a little bit more into that story.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: And also, and this is not one of my staple questions, but I want to expand a little bit of what you said because of what you shared, you do.
5:40
SPEAKER_01: And it seems like she became like a role model because you shared about the relationships you now continue.
5:46
SPEAKER_01: And that derived it looks like to me from what the lifeline that was given to you.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: So if you want to talk about that a little bit more.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: The fact that she reached out to me, she was there for me.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: She did way above and beyond the coaching she should have done.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: Because at the time, and I'll get into that later.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: You talked about the breaking point, the narcissist I was with.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: I would call her and ask questions, crying, this, that.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: This woman was pretty much available to me 24-7.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: And she that was at way outside of the scope of her coaching parameter.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: But she was there for me and believed in me and mentored me, unbelievable.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: And that just because it changed my life, I want to change other women's lives.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: And I have.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I got goosebumps already because I feel the story.
6:41
SPEAKER_01: I feel the story.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about the challenge.
6:44
SPEAKER_01: What challenge would you say was a blessing in disguise?
6:48
SPEAKER_01: It was a blessing that you met her, but what was there a challenge in there also that in hindsight all of a sudden became a blessing?
6:57
SPEAKER_00: Actually, maybe all the abuse I went through to to make me the coach that I am today.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: But it did start with my mother.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: Can I go there?
7:04
SPEAKER_00: Can I go back to the very feel free?
7:07
SPEAKER_01: Don't ask any more permission.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: Please give yourself the permission.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: All right.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: It's our show.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: It's our show.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: We're here to hopefully it lands with somebody that they'll their life will change by hearing your story.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: So it started with my mom.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: Good parents, they were sweet, but they only knew what they knew.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: And my mother was very cold and conditional love.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: And in order to get any kind of affection from her, I became a people pleaser.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: And I know there's women out there that have done that and are still doing it.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: But when you become a people pleaser, like I did at a young age, I didn't ever love myself.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know how.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: I just always was seeking love outside of myself.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: And I became a magnet for men that could control me.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: I went from one relationship to another.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: And in the beginning, some were abusive.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: I was beaten.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: And then it got to emotional abuse, which is horrible.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: I think emotional abuse is worse than being beaten as long as you're not hurt physically too bad.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: But I went from that and I didn't learn.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know any better.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: So I just repeated those patterns.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until the coach where she really got me to take an assessment of myself.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: And I realized I don't even know who I am.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: But prior to that, I was with a narcissist.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: And if a lot of women know that word, where they really put you down, they make you think you're going crazy.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: They you question everything about it.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: And we silly women, not that we're silly, but we think if I love them enough, I can change them.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: And you cannot.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: You mentioned something really important though.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: And I would like you to, if you could just recap it a little bit more and also expand on the narcissist because we do hear that word a lot, but do we know what it means?
8:50
SPEAKER_00: It's usually someone that lacks empathy.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: It is actually a mental disorder, it really is.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: They lab lack empathy, they spend most of their time putting you down so they can feel good about themselves.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: They gaslight you.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: The word gaslight means they twist and turn every single thing to where you start doubting your own reality.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: And if you're in those relationships long enough, they can totally.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: In my case, I was six years, and when I finally came out of that, I was able to get away.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: I this is one key point.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: I got on my knees and I said, God, what am I doing wrong?
9:28
SPEAKER_00: And I heard my spirit whisper, you're looking outside of yourself for love.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: Ooh, it was that's really that was like maybe the only second time I ever heard something really audible.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, but those moments, look, you don't forget them.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: We're here you are talking about it, right?
9:45
SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's transformational, right there.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: So, who has been the most memorable mentor in your life and why?
9:51
SPEAKER_01: And you might have shared that already, but what was there other influences besides your paid mentor or coach?
9:58
SPEAKER_00: My coach, who like I said, went above and beyond.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: She what I paid her was a fraction of what she gave me in the end because she actually did become my best friend and mentor.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: But I did have a therapist, her name's Kelly McDaniel, and she's written some books, she's very well known.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: I think Mother Hunger is one of her books.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm not for sure the name, but I was lucky enough that she was here in San Antonio as and I used her as a therapist, and she had me do a lot of really deep digging.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Martha helped me with life skills, and that's something I love to help my ladies with.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Life skills, we aren't taught a lot of stuff, boundaries, affirmations, values, etc.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, the therapist she recommended I go to Wickenburg, Arizona, to a place called the Meadows, where Pia Melody, who wrote one of the books on codependence, had a work.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: She has uh it's a rehab, and also she has workshops for people that are not in the rehab facility.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: So I went out there twice, actually, and that was unbelievable the amount of change that I went through and the digging and the deep releasing of all the stuff that I have been through.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: So I sometimes you need a therapist on top of a coach.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy you said that because first of all, I do want to disclose that I'm a grief consultant.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: I give advice, I don't diagnose, I don't treat, and sometimes we need that.
11:24
SPEAKER_01: I also have gone through, and again, I I was I got through the hurdle of why I went, but I went for four years, and there seems to be, and I think we're getting better now in society.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you agree with me or not, but the stigma about going to a therapist, it's like this dirty secret.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: And no, it's healing.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: What's the difference between that or going to the doctor because you have strep throat?
11:46
SPEAKER_01: We and like I like you you mentioned a really great point.
11:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm just going rewinding back a little bit to something you said about the beating.
11:53
SPEAKER_01: We're not condoning condoning beating here, everybody audience, if you're listening to us.
11:59
SPEAKER_01: But the idea is what Denise pointed out is that uh somebody hits you, it's instant, it eventually heals by itself naturally, because that body takes care of itself that way.
12:11
SPEAKER_01: But spiritually, mentally, that's that lingers, that roots, that becomes a program and a pattern.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: So that's really and that's going back to the therapy.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: That's where we could create new programs, new patterns, and heal.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: So, Denise, thank you for bringing that up.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're welcome.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: And also the between the life coach and the therapist, I forgave everybody.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I know God gave me a forgiving heart, but still, some of the stuff that I went through, I have I don't hold any grudges, and that's something so important.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: I've had some women that I've had to really work with to get forgive.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: And once they do, finally, because they're hanging on to it like a dog on a bone, and no, they deserve it.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: They were mean to me.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: Just when you think, just when you think you're you there's a couple of crumbs there.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: There's a couple of crumbs there.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: But when they finally let go, they're like, Oh my god, you were right, you're right.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: I feel so free.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: And I always tell forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: It's and I felt and I love that you use the word free because when I finally learned my my my forgiveness journey, when again, I'm human, I I sometimes need to process and take my time to get to the finish line.
13:24
SPEAKER_01: However, the the finish line always comes with freedom.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: So it's funny you said the word freedom too, because that's the best word that resonates, is at least one of them is freedom.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: Now, we're was there any revelation, personal motto or lesson that helped guide your journey?
13:41
SPEAKER_01: What what lesson?
13:42
SPEAKER_01: We just shared one, but any more you want to give us or a model that you stick with that you save yourself when you're going through something or you save yourself this.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: One of the things I was gonna save it for the end, but we'll repeat it.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we'll repeat it.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: One of one of my if it's worthy of repeating, then so shall it be.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: My mantra, one of my mantras, whatever it's not.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: I did I heard it from somebody else, and I just decided it's mine now.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: So I always I'm a firm believer in self-care.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: So this comes from that thought, and it is fill your own cup, you can serve from the overflow.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, now this is a non-denominal space, however, it reminds me of Psalms 23.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: It does because when you rest in that peace, there's overflow.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: I I'm like a bunch of goosebumps today.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what's going on.
14:35
SPEAKER_01: We have some love here, we got some live viewers, Bella, aka Linda Rigby.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: She's an event planner, she's awesome.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: I happen to know her well.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Forgiveness, yes, with a heart.
14:46
SPEAKER_01: That that's a good message you sent out, and thank you.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: So, what would you say to your younger self today, Denise?
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I would say, oh, sweetie, if only you had known that you were valuable at the time and that you didn't have to look to other people for your value.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: But I didn't know any better.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: I've forgiven myself, and one of the things in the book, as I was writing the book, I called the editor and said, You have to stop.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: You have to add this.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: Because I had had forgiven my mother about 95%, but there was still that five percent.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: She was the only person that I wasn't totally had forgiven.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: And what the Lord spoke to me in a dream or whatever, he revealed to me that my mother had a child like seven or eight years before me.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: And the little girl lived to be nine months.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: She, what they call blue babies, her circulation wasn't good, so they're blue looking, but she lived nine months and then she died.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: And I think that is why my mother was so cold and could not really open her heart.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: And when I realized that, not only did I put it in the book because I felt like she deserved to for people to know that she wasn't all bad, but it was like, oh my gosh, Lord, that was the missing piece.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for revealing that.
16:05
SPEAKER_00: The gratitude that you had from the forgiveness.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: One more thing on forgiveness, people.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: It's about you.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: You can forgive that other person, they never need to know about it.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: That's good.
16:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm repeating what Bella's saying, but I'm thinking it too.
16:22
SPEAKER_01: We're in sync here.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Bella, Bella's saying that's good, Denise.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: And I was just saying to myself, that's good.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: I said it out loud, but I'm in agreement.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm in agreement.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: That's just the bottom line, and it's so beautiful.
16:33
SPEAKER_01: The forgiveness now, the gift you're getting is being in gratitude now, right?
16:40
SPEAKER_01: So that's look at that, and then that begins a whole new pattern.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: So, what wisdom would you want your future self to keep holding on to?
16:49
SPEAKER_00: One thing I keep telling myself is never give up because being an entrepreneur is challenging, as you well know.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: There's more money going out half the time than coming in, and it's not about the money, but I do have platforms and stuff I have to pay for.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: You mean you have to eat too?
17:05
SPEAKER_00: Really?
17:06
SPEAKER_00: You're not superhuman.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, all right, join the club.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: All right.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: But the thing is, when you make an impact on someone, oh my heart just opens and explodes.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: That's the whole reason to do it, is to help another beautiful human being learn to love themselves and learn to know their value.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: That's the joy.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing better than joy.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: There is really something special about it when you lean in and become understanding rather than wanting to be understood.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: There's this like grace in that.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: There's this beautiful shift in grace and gratitude and mercy and all the good stuff above, but it's it's it all comes down to the mindset.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: And again, I think this is a human dilemma, right?
17:50
SPEAKER_01: We're not none of us are superhuman, so it's nice to have reinforcements.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: That's why coaching and having accountability works so well.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: I just realized we weren't zooming in on your beautiful face, but I do I do want to go back.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: I do have my next question, but I do want to go back to something that just popped again when you spoke about codependency because oh, it's because I shared your title.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: But codependency, you know, I've noticed on my relationships, even in my own personal life, it's not always the husband or wife you marry.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it could be that longtime friend, and now you've gone different ways, but there's this codependency, or even a child and a mother.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: Of course, there's always going to be like a bond to some level, but sometimes it's not working, right?
18:40
SPEAKER_01: It's I want to say dysfunctional.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: Again, I can't really diagnose because I'm not a therapist or a doctor, but could you speak a little bit more on this?
18:48
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm sure some of your clients are in situations like this.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it can be in a relationship.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: And in my case, mine was I wanted to fix someone.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: That's also a codependent trait.
19:00
SPEAKER_00: The one of the gentlemen that I married, he had such potential, and I wanted to help him reach that potential.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
19:08
SPEAKER_00: If he'd wanted to be there, he would have been there.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: So he ended up resenting the heck out of me.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, so it backfires.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: So that backfires.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: So codependency a lot is you just attach yourself to someone, and because you don't know your own value and worth, you're either living off of them or they're living off of you, and you're allowing it.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Once again, those were boundaries come in.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: That's a wonderful thing to learn how to do boundaries.
19:35
SPEAKER_00: But codependency, it's it is not healthy at all.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: So it's staying with so to sum it up, it's it would you agree that it's staying in a relationship that is not working, it's more stressful than then there are good the balance, it's unbalanced.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: I would say unbalanced.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that you had to get out of the relationship, but if the person did some of their own healing and their own work, they might be able to pull back and be in that, especially if they're married to someone like that, and they don't and have children, they may not want to give up that.
20:07
SPEAKER_00: But if they can work on themselves, and that's my thing, you work on yourself.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: The only person you can change is yourself.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: The only that's fair, that's fair, and good.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: What does legacy mean to you personally?
20:20
SPEAKER_00: Impact.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't have tons of money.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: Maybe if I get tons of money, I can give out more.
20:26
SPEAKER_00: I love to bless people, it's just I have to stay within my budget, but I do give to many organizations that I have a big heart for.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: So it's the impact, how I change somebody else's life.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: Once again, my thing that I can relate to is how my coach changed my life.
20:45
SPEAKER_00: And I told her, if you were only a coach for me, that was your legacy.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure she helped other people, but I think I was her star student.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: What's really standing out for me having you as a guest, gratitude is number one.
21:03
SPEAKER_01: That's that just keeps coming up.
21:05
SPEAKER_01: And I'm friends with somebody else who's on my show, actually.
21:07
SPEAKER_01: His name is Dr.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: Pastor Jeff, we call him.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: But the idea is he teaches grievance recovery through gratitude.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: That's his, I'm more legacy driven, but he's all about gratitude.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: But today you're really emphasizing that through your answers, through your emotions.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: It's so beautiful.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: Having that gratitude really is key, it seems like, because it's working.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: It's working.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: I highly recommend always my clients, key or even friends, keep a gratitude journal.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be two pages.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: Every day I write three things I was I'm grateful for.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: And some days I can go back and I can see there was a miracle.
21:46
SPEAKER_00: And if you ever get depressed or not feeling great, go back and read your gratitude journal.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, there's so much to be grateful for.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: We are always in a fast paced mood, always moving, and we don't really realize, wow.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: That was really a nice thing that person did for me.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: Or my husband gave me some extra money.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: You'd be just little things.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: Because the other thing about gratitude, and you may know this, is the more grateful you are, the more the universe God will bring abundance into your life in one way or another.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: It may be goods, it may be people, it may be love, it may be financial.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: But the truth is, gratitude has a very high frequency like abundance.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: It comes back.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: Not only, not always in the way we might desire, but it always comes back nonetheless, right?
22:33
SPEAKER_01: So what do you hope?
22:34
SPEAKER_01: And this is uh sometimes a very deep question, I think, but maybe it could just be simple as well.
22:41
SPEAKER_01: What do you hope people remember most about the way you lived and worked and served?
22:45
SPEAKER_01: I know you talked about impact, but give us a little bit more detail.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: Well, how well clearly you have gratitude, but how is Denise known?
22:54
SPEAKER_01: What are you known for?
22:55
SPEAKER_00: I mostly I'm known for giving up myself.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: I don't I can I don't give everything away.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: I did learn about boundaries.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: Mostly just I'm very humble.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Everything that I do, I want to do with the Lord's will.
23:09
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just hoping that I can get known more in my community because I'm I am starting to work with some sex-trafficked women as their mentor, and I want to be known more and more, not for fame by any means, but more people that can come to me where I can do some workshops and help them.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Women, like I say, women lack a lot of life skills, they don't know their values.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: And when you have your values, you're grounded and you know how to make your decisions.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: That's and boundaries.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: I learned that also, and no, is a complete sentence.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you that.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: You don't even have to explain.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: But my coach, when she introduced me to what boundaries were, there were people I had to cut out of my life.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: They were taking advantage of me, and I didn't know it.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: That must have been difficult, but we realized by making that difficult decision, your life was enlightened.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: Yes, very apparent because you seem very again filled with gratitude, is gratitude.
24:06
SPEAKER_01: That's what I it's like in neon lights right now.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: For some reason, you're like exhuming gratitude, which I love because it's it's infectious, right?
24:13
SPEAKER_01: Infectious.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: So if you could do it all over again, would you change anything, or did every part of the journey have a purpose?
24:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh, every part had a purpose, even not getting the love I needed for my mom and attracting a bunch of bad relationships.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: I survived the physical part, the emotional part.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: I learned so much.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: Meeting my wonderful coach, learning from my therapist, and writing my book not only gave me that 5% forgiveness that was lacking from mama, but also it gave me my purpose.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: I said, This is what I want to do.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: I want to help women, I want to help women just like my coach did, and I'm totally transparent in the book.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: If they want to get the book, you can get it on Amazon and in the back of every chapter or some takeaways.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: You could probably learn a lot.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: Also, I went through breast cancer.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: And had I not been grounded and with the Lord, I could not have done it.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: Half of the people were I'm a personal trainer at a gym, also.
25:13
SPEAKER_00: Half the people at the gym didn't even know I was going through it because I was reading my scriptures every day.
25:18
SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's a whole nother episode.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna you might have to come back if you are able to.
25:31
SPEAKER_01: That's a big deal.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: So I'm glad you shared that message because even just sharing that brings hope on growth, and that's and that's a seed, right?
25:38
SPEAKER_01: That's a mustard seed right there.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: So we got our signature question here that we like to round it off before we talk about what you're doing these days.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: But what is something about your journey that most people would be surprised to learn?
25:52
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, all the abuse that I went through because they see me now.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: Also, the wonderful thing is because I did I was so hungry to do the work.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: I was so hungry to be the better version of myself, and I would never have attracted my husband.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: He's a wonderful man, and that's what I tell women they ask me about.
26:12
SPEAKER_00: I do some work on soulmates, and you have to for work on yourself.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: You have to be the version of what you want to attract.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: When you work with the women, and we're gonna now just share a little bit of where you could find Denise.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: When you work with the women, are you working with them virtually via phone call?
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Do you meet up with them?
26:33
SPEAKER_01: Is it all of the above?
26:34
SPEAKER_01: Tell us a little bit more, and um also sharing your website and also what other places can we find you?
26:39
SPEAKER_01: Talk a little bit more about it, Denise.
26:41
SPEAKER_00: Okay, most of it's virtual or phone call.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: I haven't had, yeah, actually, a couple of them I met here in San Antonio at a book signing, but once we did our coaching, it was over Zoom.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm not opposed to meeting someone here locally.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: One thing I will reiterate, I do not work with women that are still in a toxic relationship because they're not gonna come out of it.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: The husband's gonna or boyfriend's gonna suck them back in, and I don't want to put my family at risk.
27:06
SPEAKER_00: So that's one reason I just work with women that are already out and ready to start the process of healing and reclaiming their lives and really to make a life they love even better, better than what they have imagined, because I've done it and I want other women to have that same kind of life.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: And so on my website, you can go there, deniseanwillis.com.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: There's wonderful resources, they're free.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: There's some blogs on there, and there's a test right there.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: So there's a test on self-worth.
27:36
SPEAKER_00: It takes about two minutes, and I'd like to offer this.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: If you'll take that two-minute test, I will offer some free coaching to the first three women that do it.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: And just talking on the phone, I can give you some wonderful insights as well.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: So, my thing is to help women become the best version of themselves.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful.
27:55
SPEAKER_01: So, this is the gift that keeps on giving.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: It's beautiful.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: I love that you are taking virtual consulting and coaching because this is the world we live in, convenience, right?
28:05
SPEAKER_01: But this way we don't have to use the excuse, I don't have time to go meet you.
28:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes, in life is beautiful, and if you can, you just said you're open to it, but it's the world we live in.
28:16
SPEAKER_01: And I'm I think that's a grateful thing.
28:18
SPEAKER_01: Even the show here, right?
28:19
SPEAKER_01: You're able to virtually spread the word instead of having to go to an event, which is also great.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying that it isn't, but the point is, this is how the times is, this is evolution at its best.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: I want to just read what it says here about the quiz self-worth score.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: The self-worth score is a powerful yet simple tool that allows you to visualize all the areas of your life.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: I love the visuals, so you can quickly see if there are important areas that you've been neglecting or things that you've been giving too much of yourself to.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: The questions only take a couple of minutes for you to complete, and you'll get a unique wheel of life instantly.
28:57
SPEAKER_01: It's free and completely confidential.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: Again, go to Denise's website.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: Let me just put the website one more time here and talk a little bit about your book, Denise.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
29:09
SPEAKER_00: Once again, the book on loving yourself, it's on Amazon, or you can go to my website and order it there.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: But it's from the very beginning where I discovered what caused me to be a magnet for men to abuse me, to control me, that people pleasing and the journey of the different relationships that I went through, meeting my coach, going with the therapist, and finally getting into where I finally was at that point where my healing journey was almost over.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: But then I had to add another chapter for the breast cancer.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: Of course.
29:43
SPEAKER_01: But it's but that's an again, we're being playful, but you realize the importance of it.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: You caught my attention because here you are.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: That you already overcame a big challenge with with what you went through.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: But then that that that was you and you, right?
29:59
SPEAKER_01: You and you.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: So I'm really happy that you were transparent to be able to help and heal others through your journey.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: Can you show us the book one more time?
30:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm putting up some I'm putting up some comments here.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: This is what the book looks like: the book on loving yourself by Denise Willis.
30:16
SPEAKER_01: Denise Willis, Denise and Willis, go ahead, look at Amazon.
30:20
SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, you could check out again.
30:22
SPEAKER_01: I'll put the link, I'll put the information for the website.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: And we got some comments I want to read.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: We got Katherine Palmer Patton, DeniseNWilliams.com.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: Sounds great.
30:33
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for putting that there.
30:34
SPEAKER_01: The book on loving yourself to be to be careful of people pleasing and how to be more aware and choosing one's life.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for the promotion, Katherine.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it.
30:43
SPEAKER_01: I know Katherine also she's doing great work over there in Connecticut for the people.
30:48
SPEAKER_01: But again, thank you.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: Let me just put your link here again, and I'll just hide that for a second.
30:54
SPEAKER_01: And for all those who are coming in on the audible version, it's www.deniseanwillis.com.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: That's d-e-n-i-se a-n-n w i l i s dot com.
31:12
SPEAKER_01: That's deniseanwillis.com.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Or check out the replay on the visual side and you could see it for yourself.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: Denise, I'm gonna throw it to you for some closing remarks.
31:23
SPEAKER_01: And again, thank you for being here today with us.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: One more thing I want to say about the website.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: If they go on the website where the down where the book is, I don't know exactly.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I don't know the exact wording, but it's something about click on the book on the website.
31:40
SPEAKER_00: Maybe because you're sweet, you already got it up there.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: There, right there.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: Whatever that says, I don't have my contact in.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: But if you click on that, you'll go to another page, and up at the top of the page, it'll say bonuses.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: And if you click on that, there should be the scriptural bonuses that I read, all the scripture I read for two months prior to my cancer surgery.
32:03
SPEAKER_00: And I think that brought me closer to the Lord than anything.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: I was already close, but that sealed it.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: Because any woman that knows when she hears that she has cancer, your brain just totally stops.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: It goes into a fog.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: Are you able to see it?
32:19
SPEAKER_00: Because I can't see anything without I can't, I can't see it.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: I can't see it.
32:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm looking for it.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: I cannot.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: No, it's okay.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: But basically, check out the book.
32:29
SPEAKER_01: Check out the book.
32:29
SPEAKER_01: We got free resources if that's what it is.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: Access is there.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
32:34
SPEAKER_01: The free resources.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, those are free resources, but actually, more about the book, that final button you were clicking on.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, load.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:45
SPEAKER_01: So when I click on the when I click on that button, it only brings me to the Amazon page.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it should have gone to the book on loving yourself.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: Mine did.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: And at the top it says free bonuses, and that is where the scriptures are.
33:04
SPEAKER_00: On the Amazon page.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: No, you went a little bit too far.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: Just on the very first home page where it says more about the book.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, on the home page.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:14
SPEAKER_00: Go down a little bit.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: Go down a little bit, a little bit more.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I see.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: Keep going.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: Just one smidgen.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, there it is.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh, click on that.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
33:25
SPEAKER_00: There we go.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: When you click on teamwork.
33:29
SPEAKER_00: Teamwork makes the dream work.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: There you go.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: And then once you click on that, it'll come up and show free bonuses, and that's where the scriptures are.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: And I have used these for several women that I found out they had they were had they were diagnosed with cancer.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: And I said, please let me just send these to you so you have something.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: And in addition to that, these were not even clients, just people that I knew.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: I started texting them.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: I started sending them cards and help them go through that journey so they weren't alone.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: Bella says, great conversation.
34:03
SPEAKER_01: And again, thank you for viewing live.
34:06
SPEAKER_01: We love our live audience, really appreciate it.
34:08
SPEAKER_01: And final words, I know you just expanded a little bit more on the book, and I appreciate that.
34:13
SPEAKER_01: Final words to take away with?
34:15
SPEAKER_00: The final words are ladies.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: Self-care is not selfish, it's essential.
34:19
SPEAKER_00: You need to start putting yourself first.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: When you fill your own cup, you can fill from the overflow.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: You actually have more to give.
34:27
SPEAKER_00: When you've given yourself some time and rest and walk in nature, whatever, a cup of tea, just something.
34:34
SPEAKER_00: You will have more to give.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: And I know, as most all women, we're givers, we're caretakers, but you need to take care of yourself first.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: And that is not selfish.
34:43
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
34:44
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for that message received anyway by me.
34:47
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for listening.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: And don't forget to hit subscribe, leave a five-star rating, and write a review.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: You can find this on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, and wherever you get your podcast.
35:00
SPEAKER_01: You could also check out the shows and this show or past shows or upcoming shows on live legacy.vip.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: And with that being said, until next time, we're here with Denise, Willis, Denise and Willis.
35:15
SPEAKER_01: Again, thank you so much for being here.
35:17
SPEAKER_01: And until next time, have an amazing day, everybody, and God bless us.