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DOING ANAL RIGHT AND CUMMING TO PHONE SEX · CALL ME MISTRESS

0:11
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.
0:14
I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and we've got Madame Liv.
0:19
Hi, guys. And we also have our lovely
0:22
friend Charles. Hello.
0:27
Hello Chap so. Good morning.
0:30
Good morning, we had our British party this weekend.
0:34
We'll say that for another episode, but for now, let's talk
0:38
anal you. Dirty sluts.
0:42
First rule of thumb, Clean that asshole.
0:47
Rule. Enema, enema, enema.
0:49
Rule 2. Spit is not Lube.
0:52
Not Lube, no. Trim your fucking fingernails.
0:55
Trim your ass hairs. Cover the basics.
1:00
Cover the basics. Bleaching does not hurt it
1:03
either. Oh.
1:04
Yeah, an asshole is not a vagina.
1:06
Don't simply stick it in and think things are going to go
1:08
well. Doesn't matter how loose they
1:11
are. Here's the rule to determine how
1:14
loose they are. Lubricate your clean, trimmed
1:18
fingernail into a clean anus. Don't.
1:22
Use. Don't make it so clinical.
1:24
Well. It's just they need it here and
1:26
there's different types of OK, KY Jelly is more sticky.
1:30
Yeah, it's not really good for this.
1:31
No, but that's what we got at the in the gym, in the Kim, in
1:34
the. It is the gym really.
1:36
You go for a workout tension gym If you're not.
1:39
If you're not going to use a condom, coconut oil is the
1:42
fucking best if you use a condom.
1:44
Yeah, but so much. Coconut oil is cleaner than
1:47
petroleum Jelly, which is a nightmare, and KY Jelly gets
1:51
sticky. Oh yeah.
1:52
Petroleum Jelly. Is you lose the Lube effect,
1:54
Astroglide's really good, but coconut oil's the best.
1:58
Astroglide, the name of It's so funny to me but.
2:00
Yes, 'cause you're going to glide into the Astro, but you
2:05
need it Astro. The best thing in the world I've
2:07
ever used besides coconut oil. The problem with coconut oil is
2:10
if you're going to do something with a condom later, the oil
2:13
could break down the condom. There's a material called I
2:16
can't believe it's not boy butter that's safe for condoms.
2:20
Then I asked all the gay guys who would shove these huge
2:23
things like nerf footballs up their ass and they use this shit
2:26
called boy butter and it's like a, a grease, OK?
2:30
And it's like, excellent for large insertions, terrible for
2:32
condoms. Huh.
2:34
It depends on what's going up your butt.
2:36
You have to do some math. If it's just fingers and toys,
2:38
you can use pretty much whatever.
2:40
Well, how about just like the basics of just one penis and a?
2:43
One asshole OK, A condom or no condom?
2:46
I guess it would matter. It does matter because.
2:48
Let's talk about both because, OK, we're coming in somebody's
2:51
butt. OK, we'll do both for no
2:54
condoms. Coconut oil is fucking awesome
2:57
because it's it's good for your body.
2:59
It's an excellent Lou have. You used extra virgin oil.
3:02
You could probably do that it. Made it smell really gross.
3:05
Well, coconut oil doesn't because it smells like coconut.
3:07
Unless you didn't do an enema, then it's coconut and poo.
3:12
Enema guys. But.
3:14
It's not chocolate. Hold your tongue.
3:18
But with a condom I would go with astroglide or I can't
3:22
believe it's not boil water but KY just get sticky and he kept
3:26
having to relube. What?
3:28
Do you think of Crisco I? Think that's crazy?
3:31
It it'll breakdown the condom, but I never have done it.
3:34
But I didn't, I never got into large insertions.
3:37
I just talked to people on Fetlife who were into that shit
3:39
and I was curious how the fuck did that go in there?
3:42
And they all said like, boy, butter or elbow grease.
3:44
I never, I don't think I've ever seen anybody use Crisco.
3:48
And you? Yeah, I've used it a lot.
3:49
What do you think about it? You have to get the right
3:53
consistency because sometimes if you're in an air conditioned
3:56
room, it still is harder. But it's like coconut oil, you
3:59
know, when you rub it in your hands, it'll eventually, you
4:02
know, soften and liquefy to some degree, but not as complete as
4:06
coconut oil. But it was great because I used
4:09
to take care of this one guy and he had like massive fucking
4:13
dildos that. And that worked pretty good for
4:15
that, yeah. Does it break down the toys
4:17
though? He'll break down the condom a
4:19
little bit, but I mean, you know, it was his toys.
4:22
I wasn't looking at the breakdown like.
4:26
Usually what I do I put the condom on the toy but it's
4:29
easier to clean anyway. But if the oil is going to break
4:32
it down and breaks down the condom.
4:33
Yeah. OK, what was our conversation?
4:36
Oh, is it about pain? Because a lot of guys, they want
4:40
anal or give it to a woman, but they do not know what the fuck
4:43
they're doing. Is this correct ladies?
4:45
Absolutely correct all. Right, so here's what you do.
4:51
We have clean hands, a clean booty, preferable shape.
4:57
Let's get, let's get, let's get. Run our math, aren't you?
5:00
Spit is not Lube. Let's just reaffirm that spit is
5:03
not a fucking Lube. It wears off and it hurts.
5:06
So you get your proper lubricant.
5:08
Let's say coconut oil or Astroglide.
5:11
Take your index finger, get the lady or man nice and relaxed,
5:16
bent over in a comfy position, play with it and you know, get
5:20
sexually aroused first, you know?
5:22
You don't warm up the oven. Get them nicer, you know.
5:26
Ready for what? Ready for sex?
5:28
Oh, I like if we can take the Turkey 'cause you said earlier.
5:31
Oh yeah, you have to warm up the oven before you stick the Turkey
5:33
in. But anyway, get aroused and then
5:38
play with the anus and I would stick one finger in there, the
5:43
index finger, and leave it. And if you feel the pulse from
5:46
the anus on your finger, that means it's too tight.
5:50
Leave it in there for a while. And what I usually do is move a
5:53
little to the left, a little to the right while the finger is in
5:56
there, up and down, kind of hollow it out a little bit.
6:00
But go slow. Take your fucking time.
6:02
It's not a race. Don't jam in your and don't guys
6:06
know it's just a tip now. The fucking tip is going to
6:08
hurt. Especially if they got a large
6:11
tip. Yeah, a large tip, you know,
6:12
some guys have 10 inches. Always just a tip.
6:14
That's a big fucking tip. It's.
6:16
A thickness, anyway. You know the butt hole is
6:19
supposed to be exit only so we're trying to cheat.
6:21
Anyway, let's start with a one finger and go left and right, up
6:25
and down, well lubed, take it out, re Lube, go back in.
6:30
Should be easier and just just keep going back and forth.
6:35
Little left, little right. Just kind of have fun with it.
6:37
And then if you feel like an adventurous, go for two and a, a
6:41
well trimmed fingernail gentleman.
6:43
You know this shit hurts. And then same thing if you feel,
6:48
you know, if you feel that pulse from the anus on the fingers,
6:51
like when I do it to myself, I know I'm not ready for something
6:54
larger. So just leave it in there.
6:56
Go for a second one a little bit back and forth, a little in and
6:59
out, But go slow, take your time and then move up.
7:03
And so if you're going to do insurgents that night, start
7:06
with a after your fingers, start with a small butt plug.
7:09
Don't go for the biggest 1. You know, big gym extra 3000 and
7:13
jamming in. They're going to have a bad
7:15
time. You know, even if they're like
7:19
you prepare somebody like got a butt plug, put it in their butt
7:22
for the day to get them loose or whatever that shit, it doesn't
7:25
matter how small or big it is, that thing will be shooting out.
7:28
It can't, and I've done that before.
7:30
We're not. They'll start me out with a
7:31
small butt plug and then after a while just walking around the
7:35
fucking thing will fall out because your butt hole is
7:37
expanding and it's getting loose so it can take something bigger
7:41
and just be patient. Don't.
7:42
I get mad at myself. I'm like, you better keep that
7:45
in your asshole. I must start whipping.
7:47
You. Well, sometimes you can't.
7:48
If it's fine, now you're just fucking with them.
7:50
I know. I know it's not like every time
7:53
where you can like suck in the same.
7:55
I got we filmed a fucked up Friday a long time ago and we
7:58
put a butt plug in somebody's butt and the fucking thing shot
8:01
up and hit me in the face. It was terrible, but it
8:05
happened. Did anything come out?
8:07
On no, no, he was well clean. OK, so just.
8:09
Warm butt plug smacked in the face.
8:12
Oh, and I was wearing a mask, so that helped.
8:14
I was wearing that dog, man, but it was still terrible.
8:17
The butt plug shot at me. Did it hit you in the face?
8:20
No, but I do this shit all the time.
8:22
You can get a butt plug hit you in the face.
8:24
Man, it would a projectile at man's philosophy.
8:26
Thank God. It wasn't a terrible he shot you
8:29
in the face. With a butt plug it was
8:31
horrible. That was a fun time.
8:33
For you, yeah. I'm just saying the overall was
8:36
really a good video. And yeah, I don't think that
8:39
part got recorded. No, I don't think so either, but
8:43
I just remember how we actually did the testicle tug pull.
8:49
You know, I recall that. Yeah, that was great.
8:51
You didn't see that we had a testicle tug of war where our
8:53
nuts were tied to each other. Yeah, you told me about that.
8:56
I don't want to see it. I was a gentleman and tied his
8:58
the right way. Yeah.
9:00
So he was strangulating mine. He was like, yes, next time, no
9:03
more. Yeah, I'm going to.
9:04
I'm not going to be nice to the extra Subs that come in here.
9:12
It was a great time. So earlier we were talking about
9:16
Charles talking via text to a sexy black man via text.
9:24
Yeah, What happened there, Charles?
9:27
That's not very funny. No.
9:30
That was a that was a private conversation.
9:32
No, he. Just he just got out of prison
9:34
and he was horny. For more of context, we've
9:39
talked about people having ejaculation from hearing voices.
9:42
A lot of me as people that listen to the podcast or able to
9:46
ejaculate, just hearing her voice.
9:48
This is really cool. But I was texting with this guy
9:51
a couple years ago, but it was like really like this black guy
9:54
that had been in prison for a long time.
9:55
He used to have like white bitches in prison.
9:58
I was just talking to him because it was funny, but I
10:00
actually squirted while he was like writing shit to me.
10:03
So God did. You touch it or did you?
10:06
Hands, I didn't touch it. It was hands free.
10:07
It was like just happening. I'm like, God damn.
10:09
And I told him like, yeah, that's 'cause you're my bitch.
10:10
I'm like, but I, my, my bias kind of goes up and down in
10:16
cycles. Sometimes it's all about women
10:18
and sometimes, you know, dominant males.
10:20
Sometimes it's BDSM. Did you say yes, Black Daddy?
10:23
Something like that. You know, it was like, I don't
10:26
know what exact the exact conversation was, but it was
10:28
like he was like super dominant. You know how those black guys
10:32
are? They're not pretending they are.
10:34
Yes. And that's like, yeah, I like
10:36
that shit. Anyway, you know what I'm
10:39
talking about. You get a caveman, come up
10:45
behind. This is on your knees, girl.
10:46
Oh yeah, I would get a chill into my fingertips.
10:50
Just everywhere I'm like, yeah. Yeah, kind of like almost is
10:52
like painful. I get it, Tingle.
10:55
It's like, holy shit. When you get 2 steps together.
11:02
All the crazy shit comes out. I was fully erect and then I
11:06
squirted just from, you know, texting and listening to his
11:09
voice. He wasn't touching.
11:11
And I was not touching myself. And I was like, oh, that's
11:13
interesting. And I told him about it, and he
11:15
says, yeah, it's because you're my bitch.
11:17
Oh, and I thought that was interesting.
11:19
That's awesome. I never have done that before
11:23
and then we talked about hands free orgasms or something.
11:27
I guess we should tell him that. Yeah, we can talk about hands
11:30
free orgasms. I think that's that's pretty on
11:32
point with different things that we do.
11:34
You know, milking is one of those things that happens.
11:37
A lot of guys I've talked to a few people like at the parties
11:40
too, where they have, they see it on, on, you know, the
11:44
Internet about how how people come from anal.
11:47
But it's kind of difficult. So what I did was cheat.
11:50
I will jerk off or whatever, you know, with a penis and get close
11:55
to coming. Then I'll stop.
11:57
Then I'll do something anal like a prostate massager, finger
12:02
fucking machine, whatever. Like I did the other night.
12:04
I got really close to coming, then I stopped jerking off and
12:07
then I had this little device pounding me and I came that way,
12:12
but it was like just dribbling out for a good long while.
12:15
But it was it was an ejaculation.
12:18
That have that because I feel like if I stop I got to start
12:21
back over. You know what I mean?
12:24
Agreed. OK, it's the same thing.
12:27
Well, you can stop and then start on something else and
12:30
continue, because otherwise I'm like back at the.
12:32
Beginning, we're still built up, but we kind of go back a few
12:35
steps. It's like like me, I ejaculate
12:38
kind of early. So I'll have to like if I'm
12:40
having sex doggy style, I'll have to stop when I get close
12:44
and then reposition. And it gives me a little more
12:47
time to, I kind of go back in time a little bit, but not all
12:50
the way. Always being all silly with you.
12:54
But I'm still heightened, a heightened state of arousal, but
12:58
I'm not back to square 1, You know what I mean?
13:01
Anyway, that's a little trick to, you know, keep from coming
13:04
too early, She says She's. Got to stop.
13:07
Talking You got to pet her because she's.
13:09
She's freaking Mia's dog is. This is freaking me up.
13:13
No, she's more or less like Charles.
13:16
Tell me about anal. Your voice is so calming.
13:23
This is how I treat. We're going to edit this shit.
13:25
That come in, they lay on my stomach like.
13:27
That and Chihuahua is in my arms.
13:29
Want a tummy rub? And we're talking about this
13:31
horrible shit, yeah. But when you let go over, she's
13:33
pawing at you to bring it back. Would you fall asleep?
13:37
I don't know, are we going to edit this anyway?
13:41
Where were we? Oh hands free orgasms.
13:43
I'm going to cover her eyes or she doesn't sleep.
13:47
So anyway, for me, a normal male orgasm, when you come, you have
13:52
a thing called a refractory period and that says right after
13:55
you come, like the penis gets real sensitive, you don't want
13:58
anybody to touch it. Your sex drive drops, You're
14:02
just like, OK, I'm done. That's it.
14:04
That's the refractory period. When you come anally, I don't
14:07
get the refractory period. It actually makes me hornier
14:11
after I ejaculate that way. So I can go again either sex or
14:15
by hand. So I I can literally have a
14:17
double orgasm. I'll come from anal and I had to
14:20
cheat, you know, Jack off to get close to the edge and then I'll
14:24
do something anal and vibrations is is really a good way to go.
14:28
You come that way, but it's not the normal ejaculation.
14:31
It's actually feels like twice as good because it's just coming
14:36
out and you're like, yeah, it's. Probably like a woman.
14:39
When you stimulate the clit and the vagina, it's probably like
14:43
you doing that. But after you do that, you're
14:46
still horny, and actually, I'm hornier.
14:49
And then you can jerk off or have sex or whatever, and then
14:51
you have that second ejaculation, that second nut,
14:54
and then the refractory period kicks in.
14:56
That's like when you get tired. You don't want to get touched,
14:58
you know? But they're pretty fucking
15:00
awesome. All right?
15:02
What else do we need? More Anal.
15:05
Yeah, I think men have that concept of, you know, like first
15:09
time people who are actually wanting to have sex with a woman
15:12
anally and they don't know how to do it.
15:16
Yeah, I've heard friends, a married couple before and he
15:20
wanted to do anal. And she says you can do anal on
15:23
me when I do it on you. And her point of view was you
15:27
need to know how that shit feels.
15:29
But he was like, no, I'm not doing that because it's gay.
15:31
And I try to tell him, look, man, if you want to have sex
15:33
with her, then this is going to be pretty good shit and nobody's
15:36
going to say anything. Just fucking do it.
15:38
And I don't know if he did or not, but she's got a good point
15:41
of view. You need to know how it feels
15:43
before you do it. And a lot of women I've met,
15:47
they were totally strict. Well, quotes straight guys, you
15:50
know? I don't.
15:50
I can't tell anymore, you know, who's really straight and who's
15:54
not. But it doesn't matter if you
15:55
have no, if you've never had anything in your butt, you don't
15:58
know what it feels like. But take some advice, pretend
16:02
that it hurts, and go slow and take your time.
16:06
It definitely hurts. It's like a burning sensation.
16:08
But it doesn't have to hurt. I know, I'm saying if they just
16:11
shove it. In Oh yeah, when they shove it
16:13
in like even like, like our ladies, it's a guy.
16:16
There for a good long time. Though if you have no foreplay,
16:18
you're not warmed up, you have no Lube, and a guy just jams it
16:21
in vaginally doesn't hurt. 100% yeah, you pull on all your.
16:26
Parts, but that's a bigger opening than the anus.
16:29
The anus is contracted to stay shut all the time, so if you get
16:32
some douchebag just jamming it in there, it's going to hurt.
16:35
And then that woman never wants to do anal again.
16:37
And she tells all her friends, oh anal is horrible, which is
16:41
why so few women actually do it. But there's millions of gay men
16:44
in the world who do anal all the time, and they're doing this
16:47
shit right, And they're not doing it because it hurts, you
16:50
know? So I have a concept of the human
16:53
anatomy, right? So men just has the one hole,
16:56
right? When you have a vagina and you
16:59
have an asshole, you have the rectum.
17:02
To me, it is the two of these holes side by side, and it seems
17:09
like when you stretch one, it's gonna hurt the other.
17:11
Oh, really? You know, like.
17:13
Sympathetic pain. I think so.
17:17
That doesn't work with me. Oh, OK.
17:19
To me it's just men doesn't, they don't get the concept of
17:24
pain, of pain. They really don't of that
17:26
particular pain, of that particular pain.
17:29
I do think that would be a good concept of if you really want to
17:31
do it and you know your lady's scared to go ahead and try it
17:34
first on yourself so you know how to do it, how to work it way
17:36
you're in. This wasn't a real sex episode,
17:39
but it was something like that and they were trying to get,
17:41
they were talking about anal and there was an episode.
17:45
It was basically telling the men to try it first 'cause they'll
17:48
know how it feels. And he went through the line,
17:51
this, the husband was walking down the line of dildos to put
17:54
into his ass and he went for the tiniest little thing.
17:57
It was like one of those little dill Pickles, but the real small
18:00
ones. What do you call it?
18:01
The Gerkins? The Gerkins.
18:02
Yeah, he went for that one says no, we're going for something
18:05
more your size, 'cause he was pretty well endowed, but he
18:08
wanted to go for the Gerkin if she was going to put something
18:11
in his ass, but he wasn't willing to give her what he was
18:13
going to give. That's not.
18:15
Fair, which is OK, you know, I get that.
18:18
So all right, where are we? Get off track a little bit.
18:24
Before the girl. Before the girl.
18:26
Always off. Track, There is a lot of that.
18:29
No, but women who have bad experiences and share those bad
18:33
experiences. Now, I dated a very conservative
18:37
church girl several years ago. She had very little experience
18:40
with anything. So I trained her in the ways of
18:43
the force and she loved anal. She would come from it.
18:46
I would give her anal Lingus. It just, it blew her mind.
18:50
It was awesome, along with a lot of other tricks.
18:53
And then that's when the relationship ended.
18:55
It's like, you know, anal feels real good, doesn't it?
18:57
It's just, yeah, I like it too. And that's when she said, oh,
19:01
that's gay. And then she dumped me in a text
19:03
message. Well, you're welcome, bitch.
19:05
So what's it mean whenever a girl takes it in the ass?
19:07
So why is it gay only because a guy is taking?
19:09
It's because it's the penis form going.
19:11
This is penis form. But in the end, it's just
19:13
stimulation. I mean, it's just not a guy in
19:15
the room, and it's still heterosexual.
19:17
You're just exploring another part of your anatomy.
19:19
Yeah, and it feels really fucking good.
19:21
You're not. Fucking a guy you're fucking If
19:23
there's another woman in the room?
19:25
Hey that's fine if we have any hang ups with this shit in the
19:29
1st place, but anal feels really good and there's no reason to.
19:34
Oh it's gay? No, it's just another part of
19:35
your fucking body. It is.
19:38
And you know, we have men have the prostates we don't.
19:41
But obviously I'm like you, I've heard a lot of my friends,
19:44
they've gotten off with anal. They enjoy it.
19:47
I'm just not one of those people.
19:48
But I I like doing anal on men. I think it's fun, but again,
19:54
people don't realize that tissue can tear.
19:56
There's a lot of vascular, you know, veins and that kind of
20:01
thing right there at the very beginning.
20:02
What's the sphincter? It tightens.
20:04
Yeah, and it tightens because there's there's blood vessels
20:07
and nerving, isn't it? Exactly.
20:08
Yeah, it can be stretched because when you take a shit,
20:11
you're opening up to drop the deuce.
20:14
Yeah. So it can't expand in contract.
20:16
It don't fit, we know it. Sometimes it does feel good,
20:18
like. Really.
20:19
But I mean, it does feel good to poop it.
20:22
It depends on how big a log you're trying to pay.
20:24
That's the ones that hurt. Most of the time you.
20:27
Drink some more water. Most of the time you're just
20:28
doing business as usual. Oh, you're talked about animals,
20:32
right? And most people don't know how
20:33
to do it. Yeah, But I will say that I do
20:36
tell before we jump to animals. I do tell a lot of people.
20:40
If we're putting it in your ass, push out and a lot of times.
20:45
They'll help like like you like you're bearing down and take a
20:47
shit because you're opening that you're opening your hole yeah
20:51
and it's not like clinched like you normally are and it's push I
20:54
just. Relax.
20:56
Well, relaxing is part of it, but if you push down, it does
20:59
make it, you know, a little better.
21:00
Yeah. And I've heard some people talk
21:02
about using like a product called Anal Ease or lubricant, a
21:06
numbing agent on their on the on the on your anal ring.
21:10
Personally, I don't like to do that because pain is your body's
21:13
way of telling you something's wrong.
21:15
If you numb it up then you could be doing damage and not be aware
21:19
of it well. And you could numb the penis.
21:23
This is your personal experience or your nerf?
21:25
Football now. I used to use a numbing agent to
21:27
try to make myself last longer and it shit didn't work.
21:30
It just. Not all it does is make an extra
21:33
sensitive like whenever your your vagina falls asleep, I'm
21:35
sitting on your butt too long. Oh, I get up and start walking
21:38
and I'll be coming, just walking to my.
21:40
Vagina. Never heard of that one.
21:42
Really. That happens, yeah.
21:44
It feels great. Awesome, it is asleep.
21:46
Well, good for you. Your vagina falls asleep.
21:48
Then it wakes up. Yeah, yeah, it feels a.
21:51
Hole you get that little tingle. Yeah, like a nice tingle then.
21:54
I've never had a penis fall asleep.
21:56
Yeah, you need to sit on your butt in that specifically.
21:58
I'm sure it could happen. You could sit on your Dick a
22:00
certain way, it might happen. If I do that, it just gets hard.
22:04
I don't know how to. Interesting.
22:07
We'll have to Google that and see how it.
22:08
Works. You know, Liv and I always talk
22:11
about enemas and clean asses and you know, a lot of guys don't
22:15
get it and especially when I say hey, fast for, you know, 5-6
22:18
hours minimum. They want to know what the fuck
22:20
fast means. Fasting is when you don't eat
22:23
for that that duration. They might not know.
22:25
They might not know. Yeah, that is.
22:27
True. They might be like, OK, I'll do
22:28
that and then just go home and not do it.
22:30
So I don't know what it is. Or not take it seriously.
22:32
Just don't eat anything for several.
22:33
Like, your digestive system will slow down.
22:35
But I've heard porn stars talk about before they do anal, they
22:40
will do their enemas and they won't eat much.
22:43
They're like a ramen noodles or something, you know, or
22:46
something 12 hours beforehand. And they they just won't eat
22:49
because your digestive process starts to slow down.
22:52
And I am having this conversation with a Chihuahua
22:54
right in my face. And it's so cute.
22:57
OK, so where was I? OK.
23:00
And yeah, you fast. You just don't eat food for a
23:02
long time. And she would take an Imodium,
23:06
and apparently that's supposed to, like, cut off the digestive
23:08
system. Yeah.
23:09
I don't know. Yeah, Sansa diarrhea.
23:12
But I just don't know. It might affect certain people
23:14
in different ways. Yeah.
23:16
We're not doctors. Yeah, it hurt.
23:18
And then having sex like that and you know.
23:20
What she would have like a 12 hour session on camera so she
23:24
would have if I. Got gas below my belly.
23:25
I'm literally hurting. Yeah, I've had that too for
23:29
enema. Like what I do is there's
23:31
different sources. I use what's called an enema
23:33
bulb and you can buy them in a, you know, a dollar store or
23:36
whatever. I take a, a cup of warm water,
23:39
not hot. You squeeze the bulb, put it
23:43
into the water, unsqueeze the bulb and the suction will pull
23:48
on the hot water like. A Turkey.
23:49
Baster, like a Turkey baster, but it's a soft Turkey baster,
23:52
like a like a squeeze bubble. Then what I do, you Lube up the
23:55
little, it's a little tube on the end of it.
23:57
This very thin is thinner than a pinky, but it's a little bit
24:00
sharp. So you Lube it up with
24:01
something, whatever you're comfortable with.
24:03
What I do is first get on all fours and it goes into the bone
24:08
and then you squeeze the tube and you shoot warm water into
24:12
your rectum. Then the rectum is just the
24:15
first 4 inches of the colon attached to your anus.
24:18
Let it go in there. Let the water sit for a moment.
24:21
Be very close to a toilet when you do this.
24:23
I guess we should have started with that shit.
24:25
Don't do this in your fucking living room.
24:30
Well, well that's what the anus is for.
24:32
It holds in water. You should be loose at this
24:35
point. Have a seat on the toilet, push
24:37
out and you wash. Rinse and repeat.
24:40
Keep doing that over and over again.
24:41
Now some people until it's just clear the 1st is going to be
24:44
brown and it's going to be little chunks floating.
24:47
If we don't have to be like that, come.
24:49
On We don't have to be that way because some of these people
24:51
know. Clearwater coming out, that's
24:53
good. Enough What the first, the first
24:55
shot is not going to be Clearwater is going to be Doo
24:58
Doo. Just get ready for it.
25:00
Then there's other other positions you can get on.
25:02
I've heard of people laying completely on their back and
25:04
raising their back end up and shoving it in that way.
25:08
And it's just it kind of I guess it smooths out the different
25:11
areas. OK, the water gets in different
25:13
spots and you can do on your tummy or on your back or
25:18
whatever it is. Get warm water in your rectum
25:21
and rinse. Now they have another one I
25:23
haven't tried. It's actually they attach it to
25:26
a shower. Have you seen that one?
25:28
Oh yeah, and it's same attachment can attach to your
25:31
toilet like a bidet. OK.
25:33
I haven't seen that one. Yeah.
25:34
And that water is that's under pressure, right?
25:36
And it shoots in there. Very much so.
25:38
Pretty effective. I don't ever recommending
25:41
putting to straight tap water into your body, OK.
25:45
And the reason being obviously because, you know, our water can
25:50
be contaminated some. Chlorine drives you out.
25:53
Yeah, I mean, you just never know.
25:54
That's why I always say, you know, get bottled, OK?
25:57
You know, distilled water. It's safest.
26:00
Well, where I am, we have well water.
26:01
We don't have the chlorine from you guys.
26:03
There you go. Yeah, a lot of us are on city.
26:06
You still have. Issues with well water though
26:09
you. Got to be careful, sand and
26:10
whatnot. So bottle, so bottled water
26:13
maybe? Yeah, bottled.
26:15
Water maybe distilled. That's why I said distilled
26:17
water distilled. OK.
26:18
Because that way that client tends to clean things more
26:21
anyway. Yeah, but I will say this, and I
26:23
learned this the hard way, they sell enema kits and like, you
26:27
know, like your local Walmart or whatever.
26:29
Now, that's not water that has some kind of sodium something in
26:32
there. It does, and it makes you shit.
26:34
It does, yeah. So you'll actually give yourself
26:36
fucking diarrhea or something from shoving that stuff in
26:39
there. I always tell people if you get
26:41
the enema bottle, be sure you take out the solution.
26:44
Don't use that. Rinse it out.
26:45
And I, I started out with those and I learned the hard way that
26:50
just makes you poop. And so like when you're
26:51
constipated. So empty it out and fill it with
26:54
water. And then I just bought an animal
26:55
bulb later. And then you can wash it, you
26:58
know, wash it when you're done and then store it back up.
27:01
But always lived a little shaft and go in slow and sometimes you
27:05
might have to finger yourself first.
27:06
Live up your finger with something just to get it in
27:09
there and make it. But it really doesn't hurt if
27:11
you do it right. But you have to be good at your
27:13
aim, otherwise you're stabbing around in your o-ring and it's a
27:17
little sharp makes. Me.
27:17
Think of somebody. Oh.
27:20
You know who I'm thinking of? No.
27:22
I do, and you talked about it earlier.
27:24
Yeah, we're not. I don't want to say.
27:25
Names. Just the tip.
27:27
Gotcha. Just the tip.
27:29
It's the tip. Still hurts.
27:30
All right. No, no, I was talking about, oh,
27:33
I'll talk about the enema thing and not getting it right.
27:37
Yes, and stabbing yourself. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:40
Get yourself a hemorrhoid that way too.
27:43
Well, you know, no, we'll have to talk about that after.
27:46
You know, as soon as I say it, you're like, oh.
27:49
Oh. So what anal advice do we have?
27:51
Take your time. Always take your time.
27:54
Don't go straight for the biggest thing.
27:56
No. Work your way up.
27:59
Butt plugs are always the good way to start, you know.
28:02
Before you prep. Have you done the inflatable
28:04
butt plugs before? Repeatedly.
28:07
I've busted several. Do you like it or do you think
28:10
it's too much? No, I love it, especially if you
28:13
get a good quality one. Are you trying by using it on
28:16
yourself? Fuck no, I'm not using.
28:18
It she hates animals. No.
28:20
We're the anal sluts over here, she says.
28:22
Exit. On yeah, I don't.
28:24
I don't do anal. I don't have large bowel
28:26
movements, therefore I cannot. Oh, you got a little.
28:29
Petite. I do.
28:30
It is petite. Now, mine's not petite, but it's
28:33
not huge. But it's not manly either.
28:35
It's like you gotta, it's not like these poor bastards, these
28:39
truck drivers. It just.
28:40
Yeah, no. Massive logs and clogged
28:43
toilets. This is the worst discussion
28:45
guys. We talked about our shit.
28:46
Y'all have talked about worse shit than this.
28:50
But. Not about ourselves, OK?
28:52
But the expandable butt plug I have used repeatedly.
28:55
I love to use it on my little slave boy.
28:57
Oh, you're OK. You.
28:58
Guys, they're probably the loudest bug.
29:01
It's OK, It's all right. They're probably there to turn
29:03
it off by now. No, like there's me to talk
29:07
about shit again, but I've used the expandable butt plug
29:12
repeatedly on my slave and it's quite entertaining because I
29:18
don't see obviously how big it gets fucking huge when it's
29:22
inside. Yeah, but I.
29:24
Didn't care for it. If I'm sure right?
29:27
Because it could be painful. Theory is slowly expand, but it
29:30
just doesn't seem to do that. Where do you get these things
29:33
because I would like to have one.
29:34
I'll send you a link. Cool.
29:36
Yeah, you. Can get it from your friendly
29:37
Amazon merchants. You sure Adam and Eve and
29:40
extreme restraints in your local porn stores?
29:43
Yeah, they sell them everywhere. So if you haven't seen it yet,
29:47
live what it does. It looks like a basic big butt
29:51
plug with like a circumference of four to five inches.
29:54
It's big. Why are we starting out big
29:56
though? Well.
29:57
I mean, it's it's big and expandable, the one I have.
30:00
It has a tube attached like, you know, his air pressure.
30:04
Blood pressure, Yeah. Blood pressure.
30:05
Which you squeeze it and it pumps and the fucking thing,
30:08
it's bigger while it's inside. But if it's already 4 or 5
30:10
inches. Some people are getting ready
30:12
for nerf footballs. I guess I've.
30:14
Seen. Have you ever seen that shit?
30:16
No. Holy crap.
30:18
I've seen a porn where a guy stuck his head into a vagina
30:21
before. That's interesting.
30:23
Like it's like his. Head fisting.
30:25
If they're getting ready for fisting, you know you're going
30:27
to need. But Needless to say, when
30:30
someone is very bound and tight and they can't do anything and
30:33
can't move and they have that one little thing there and it's
30:37
just like, oh, you're complaining, pump, pump.
30:40
How many more pumps you want? I'm sorry, did you say 40?
30:43
Pump pump, pump, pump. If they have a ball gag it's
30:45
even more interesting. Absolutely.
30:48
Oh for the please of the love of God, stop and all you hear was.
30:52
Yes, so you know how bad that shit hurts.
30:56
Trust me, I have spread some assholes.
30:58
I don't like the metal ones actually I prefer the the rubber
31:01
ones. The metal ones, if you get the
31:03
instant sense of cold. Yeah, I've warmed up my hand
31:06
first. What other anal advice can we?
31:09
We know Pappy. He's like, I don't want a cold
31:13
little thing in my butt hole. It hurts.
31:15
It makes everything tighten up. I.
31:18
Would just say for anything extra for for advice.
31:21
It's just really pay attention to your partner.
31:23
Read their body language because sometimes you know that's what
31:26
matters. Like are they tightening?
31:28
Are they tensing up their body? I suppose that when your finger
31:31
was in there and you felt the blood, the blood vessels tense
31:34
around it. No, that's that's my general
31:36
rule of thumb. Yeah, that's great.
31:38
I look at their toes. How does this work?
31:41
Sometimes they the way that they relax their toes or when they
31:44
they don't like it the way that they.
31:46
Tighten their toes. They clench up.
31:48
They clench and you can see it in their feet.
31:50
Maybe the listen here is definitely communication on both
31:53
ends. Yeah, for sure.
31:54
And if you're a sub or somebody on the bottom, you're trying to
31:57
do what the person doing things to you wants to do.
32:00
But if you're hurts, you've got to fucking say something.
32:03
Oh yeah, well, that's communication for a sub is you
32:05
need to have that at all times. It doesn't matter.
32:07
It's not about pleasing your Dom when it comes to those things
32:10
because. There's not even a Dom thing
32:12
anal fun regardless of who's doing it could be.
32:15
But you had just said mentioned that it.
32:17
Was yeah, I, I come at it from that angle though, because
32:19
that's, that's how I've always done yeah I.
32:21
Think vanilla people would do that?
32:23
Is that considered vanilla? I don't know.
32:25
I guess yeah, vanilla's vanilla. I want to know what vanilla
32:27
people. I want to hear vanilla versus
32:29
I'm talking about. So I'm like what?
32:30
How far have I got into this life?
32:32
See, I think it's vanilla if a woman does it, but again, we go
32:35
back to how many times men have asked us in the dungeon, is this
32:39
going to make me gay? Well, it doesn't make you gay.
32:42
Well, see, they have questions about it, but you know, like a
32:45
lot of women don't want to do it because they like the woman who
32:47
dumped me. Oh, that's gay.
32:49
Yeah, but I'm fucking a woman. How the hell is that gay?
32:52
Exactly. Unless she hit it, you know, she
32:54
obviously did not have a cock. I never saw it.
32:57
She had a well used vagina. Oh.
33:00
It's I think it's just the idea that something penis shaved
33:03
would be going into your butt no matter what because.
33:06
It's that sounds like church. Yeah, it sounds like society
33:10
messed up. Telling us we can't do shit.
33:13
But the Romans wouldn't had a fucking problem with this.
33:16
No at all. You.
33:16
Can't date a guy or kiss a guy on the mouth?
33:19
You're not gay, you know what I mean?
33:22
There's different things. For.
33:23
Culture. Was more like, you know, past
33:25
Romans we would have bath houses everywhere.
33:27
You do what the fuck you want, if it feels good, hey, rock on.
33:30
Yeah, it doesn't mean you're gay.
33:31
It just means you're whatever. Let's go fuck at a bath house.
33:36
The anus feels good, you know, Having it tongued feels.
33:39
Oh my God, I've had it. That feels awesome.
33:42
Have you had it? Had my tongue.
33:43
Now I had somebody tongue your anus.
33:45
I don't like it. I'll fucking it's.
33:46
Probably because I don't have a prostate.
33:48
It's got to be just the. No, it's just the rain, because
33:50
the prostate's nowhere near the butthole.
33:52
Oh. I don't, I don't like it.
33:54
I like the. Perineum or the the taint?
33:57
Yeah, the medical tournament is the taint or the Gooch.
34:00
Why whenever you give birth do they say your perineum ripped?
34:03
Well, that's just the medical textbooks.
34:04
Well, you just said it was medical.
34:06
I don't know, I'm fucking. Alright, I call it the fight.
34:09
Fight, fight. Fight.
34:12
It's called the taint. I've always called it What
34:14
taint? Pussy taint that.
34:17
I like that played. With that piece of skin, and we
34:19
talked about that earlier on, a man pressing your fingers
34:22
against the taint or pineum feels really good.
34:26
Especially if we do it softly and right before orgasm and
34:29
intensifies the orgasm AKA you make more nut by push push.
34:33
The pushy push. All right, I think that is far
34:38
from enough for our listeners to listen to I'm.
34:41
Sure, they'll be like Oh my God, that was.
34:42
Forever. Good luck on her.
34:44
Her face is contempt. No, she was like, she was like,
34:47
this is getting long. Oh, OK.
34:49
Yeah, that's what she. There you go.
34:51
It was right. We need like a little intro, end
34:55
intro thing where you have like a.
34:57
Dude oh instead of the hook where they pull us off stage
34:59
like you 2 tend to shut the fuck up now and go home, yes.
35:03
OK, so tell me, did the big black man ever fuck you though?
35:06
No, no, no. That was just talk.
35:07
He was in Michigan. All too bad.
35:11
Maybe one day. I was going to say, I think Big
35:13
Black Daddy could have given it to you.
35:14
Good. I've had some big black daddies
35:16
before. Oh, I know you.
35:17
Have Oh yeah, there's once you go black, but you know, hey, I
35:22
like it. Hey, he likes the good there's.
35:26
Not just that, no. It's the dominance.
35:27
You may tell you a really funny story.
35:29
Oh, yeah. OK, this is anal.
35:31
This is black man. This is.
35:34
We're going good, right? So this little older, older,
35:39
older gentleman who was like 70 older.
35:44
He. He said that he had very
35:47
traumatic school of school. Excuse me?
35:50
He had a very traumatic childhood, and he was trying to
35:54
relive his past because he did reflect and realized, hey, I
35:59
want to experience this again. And he said that his basketball
36:03
coach used to have sex with him when he was obviously in high
36:08
school. And he said he hasn't done anal
36:12
in years, blah, blah, blah. And I said, well, you know, you
36:14
really should start prepping for this if this is something you
36:17
want. You know, I know a gentleman.
36:19
He could come over and you can have fun with him, blah, blah,
36:22
blah. And so my guy ended up bailing.
36:27
And back in the day, I just ran a Craigslist ad.
36:30
Hey, I've got my my old senior wants to have a big black cock
36:34
for the afternoon. And so I told him, I said, you
36:38
want me to stay in with you. And he's like, no, he called me
36:42
mommy. He's like, no, mommy, you go
36:44
ahead and you go back in the house and and I'll be in here
36:48
with with the big black daddy. It'll be fine.
36:51
I was like, God, this is really getting kinky.
36:53
This is. Going to get dark, isn't it?
36:55
This is getting dark. So this guy I never fucking met,
37:01
I invited him over to my dungeon and he had a big fucking black
37:06
cock. It was a good 910 inches of big
37:09
man meat. You know, man meat, man meat
37:12
otherwise. She's just dribbling out,
37:14
wiping. Dribbling.
37:16
You're hungry, everybody. She's wiping her mouth.
37:19
But so this guy, big, big guy, and he was, you know, he had
37:24
like a little tummy to him. You know, he's kind of a fluffy
37:28
black man, but attractive. And he was probably in his 40s.
37:32
But like I said, this older gentleman, he's like 72.
37:36
Anyway, he always wanted to wear panties.
37:38
And I told the guy said, you know, he's going to come in.
37:40
He's got panties on. He's got a little negligee.
37:42
He's like, I don't care. I'm just ready to fuck that
37:44
white meat. And I was like, fuck, yeah.
37:46
OK, So I let him in and I just made the the brief introductions
37:51
and I'm like, you know, I kind of, I kind of want to see, but
37:56
then I don't want to see. It's like a train wreck you
38:00
can't turn away. From you can't, you really
38:02
can't. So I was like, I just, I closed
38:06
the door and then all I started hearing was get on the floor,
38:11
boy. And I was like, I was like, oh
38:13
shit, it's on. And they faced the other way and
38:20
I could hear him. He's like OK daddy, OK.
38:24
And I opened the door a little bit and I was like, oh God, he
38:27
didn't even prepare for fucking anal.
38:29
Like he is getting ripped. And he was just like, oh, oh,
38:36
daddy. What was the gentleman doing?
38:40
Was he having a good time? He was fucking him from behind,
38:42
relentless with his big fucking cock.
38:46
Oh my God. And I was like Oh my God, that
38:48
poor grandpa. Like poor little man.
38:50
This is how you do. That little Sissy bitch is
38:53
getting it good what he wanted and I had to crack the door.
38:56
I was like, oh God, please don't rape him too bad.
38:58
You know, he's like Daddy. I've been good you.
39:01
Can't rape the willing. He wanted it.
39:03
And yeah, now I've had it where they didn't really prep with
39:06
Lube really well and it started bleeding and it for three days.
39:09
And I don't know why, but seeing that blood just made me happy
39:12
about it because I was like crawling away from this man.
39:15
And he was like, no. Oh.
39:17
Damn. Yeah.
39:18
And I, I don't think I'll ever get it like that again because
39:21
there's so much in the mind. Yeah.
39:22
And I'm really. No, don't hear me.
39:27
No, he could be a little more forceful about it than that
39:28
because they might think it's playful.
39:30
This is the. That's what you have to say for.
39:33
Sometimes. You forget it when you're in
39:34
that state of mind. Like what?
39:35
The that's what we go with. Yellow, red, it's easy.
39:39
Instead of oh, cinnamon baskets and snow flowers.
39:43
I can't remember my pack, my safe word No, no, no.
39:46
Keep it simple. Well, you know my safe word
39:50
before we got into colors, you know, this is 30 years ago.
39:53
I would always say, hey, just say Apple.
39:55
Just say Apple. Make it easy, right?
39:57
I had this one guy and I was beating the fuck out of him,
40:00
choking him out, doing all this shit.
40:02
I let him come up for air and he was just like banana, banana.
40:05
And. I was like, that's not.
40:07
It he was going through the fucking out and going through.
40:09
Everything. He was like pineapple
40:11
watermelon. That's why you're great.
40:14
That's why you got to go with the color of short term memory
40:16
and get your asshole wrecked. I didn't to fuck with him
40:19
because I was like, sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's fun.
40:22
Yeah, you're like, you know, it's hard.
40:23
Then we're like you can handle one more you.
40:24
Remember Euro Trip? Remember my Rd.
40:27
No, no, no, Euro trip the movie. Oh, Euro trip, yes.
40:30
When oh boy was in there and they they brought this big dildo
40:32
machine, a fucking machine. They had like laser guided
40:35
whatever. Yeah.
40:36
And his, his laser guided his. I was seriously had it.
40:39
But his, his safe word was like something in Dutch, like 38
40:42
letters long, like Parker goofers off of Yeah.
40:44
Anyway, he, he couldn't pronounce it, so he got fucked
40:47
hard. Yeah.
40:48
Relentless. I had that video on my phone.
40:50
I'll send it to you live. It's great.
40:51
It's. Cool for us to watch it, but I
40:53
don't think he was cool. For him, it was great.
40:56
He became a different man afterwards.
40:58
Probably. They probably shipped pancakes
41:00
now. He was George.
41:02
Cow head is not. Pancakes.
41:06
Oh, Lord, that's great. All right, kids.
41:08
So clean fingernails. Short fingernails.
41:12
Clean butts. Clean fingers.
41:14
Enemas. Clean fingers.
41:15
Enemas, yes. Take your time.
41:17
Take your time. Use the right Lube.
41:19
Spit is not Lube. Spit is never fucking Lube.
41:22
And Vaseline might be cheap, but it's dirty.
41:26
There you go. Coconut oil, Astroglide.
41:30
I can't believe it's not boiled butter.
41:31
It's a fine product. That's the one I like the best.
41:35
We need to contact them, let us know we're we're letting, let
41:38
them know we're promoting. Them that or they'll sue me for,
41:40
you know, talking about where it's going to go.
41:42
It might have been meant for, you know, I don't know what it
41:44
was used. For it was meant.
41:46
It's in the sex stores. Well, yeah, it's meant for that.
41:48
God knows. No, God doesn't want to know.
41:53
Well, he made us this way. Yeah, you liked it probably too.
41:56
I'm not going to talk about God. Like that We're in Florida.
42:00
You might want to delete that after they come around.
42:03
Are we all made in his image? All right.
42:06
Are we ready to live? Say goodbye?
42:08
Yeah. All right.
42:10
Man, bye guys. Until then, this has been the
42:14
latest episode. Of Call me Mistress.