Latest / The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast / 303. PART 2 - The Ways Men And Women Are Wired So Differently When It Comes To Sex, And Why It Is Important For Both Spouses To Know The Differences!

Transcript

303. PART 2 - The Ways Men And Women Are Wired So Differently When It Comes To Sex, And Why It Is Important For Both Spouses To Know The Differences! · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you have been married, you can find passion, happiness and romance at any stage of your life.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Join us as we have discussions in all areas of intimacy, interview marriage professionals and people who are just flat-out fun.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Our podcast is for all couples looking to transform their relationship.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Part two to the ultimate intimacy podcast, continuing on our discussion about the differences between men and women when it comes to sex.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I thought we had a good conversation we had a good conversation.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: We're gonna keep this rolling all right, let's dive, dive right in so if you haven't listened to that first episode yet, you really need to go listen to the previous episode first, do you think?
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, first, exactly, and then this is a continuation on of that one.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Okay so the last episode we talked about the differences between husbands and wives, um, and we talked about how, like, just finding a balance like this is actually like it's.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: It's good that we're different.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: It's good that we're different and find that balance.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: That's what marriage is for right, and when you find that balance and that ultimate intimacy in marriage, it's life-changing right, yeah, for sure.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: But some of the differences we talked about in our last episode were how men husbands have usually a stronger sex drive.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Women usually have the weaker sex drive, not always, not always we talked about.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: It goes both ways.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Sometimes Men are usually ready to go and women need a warm-up.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: We talked about the, the whole bridge where you know men feel loved through the physical and sexual connection, where women more need the emotional connection first to bridge to the physical and sexual.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: We talked about how husbands need sex to feel loved and women typically need love first to desire sex, which is is totally, totally accurate and makes sense.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: We talked about the physical, actual physical buildup husbands have and used a really good analogy and how women need more emotional buildup first.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: We also talked about sex as a reaction versus sex as a decision.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Women have to decide and be emotionally positive about it.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: And then we talked about different ways that husbands and wives are stimulated visually through touch, the different things like that.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: So continuing on our list continuing on, here we go so the next one is um, and I think we covered that one right yeah, the next one is men typically think about sex constantly and women typically think about sex occasionally we should have taken a poll on this and asked our audience, the husbands of the wife, how often you think about it.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: What do you think the answers would have been like?
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: oh, a husband's gonna be at least a couple times a day.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: It just like randomly pops into your mind like I want to go make love to my spouse yeah, absolutely it just all of a sudden, like you're in the middle of something and that comes to your mind.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Well, so, going back to where it says men are like visual, like it could be.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: It could literally be you coming out of the shower and I'm like man, she is so beautiful, like I would just love to make love to her.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: It could be you at the kitchen table just looking, looking beautiful and thinking, man, I would just love to make love to her.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: It it's.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: It's funny like sometimes I'll be out jogging in the morning.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I'll be like I hope amy's still in bed, because it'd be awesome oh my gosh, okay, we are different, so, and a woman is typically like uh, I'll think about it in a couple weeks she's like, she's like.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's the end of october, let's talk about this first part of december no, not really I.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I'm like we said there's higher drive wives that like, like, we want to be sensitive to.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: So this episode go back to our higher drive wife episode, because we really are talking to the lower drive wives in this episode.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: But this can go both ways.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: So if you do feel like I am the higher drive, then you're gonna feel more what you just said, correct, right?
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: yeah, so I want to be sensitive to that.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Like, not everyone is high and low and anyways, it's about finding that balance, whatever this looks like in your marriage but I want you to think too.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: if you're, if you're a wife out there that feels like, oh, my husband just has such a strong sex drive, I want you to just consider what if he completely turned it off and had nothing and just was never interested in making love to you Like how?
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: would you feel you feel very, very unpursued and rejected, just like husbands feel?
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like, at first you might be like, oh man, first couple of days like, oh, he's leaving me alone, this is awesome.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: But over time you're going to be like man, does he not desire me?
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Like, why is he not wanting to be intimate with me?
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: We we've talked to men a lot about this and for men that constantly are getting rejected, or or men that obviously realize that their wife just doesn't want to make love to them, a lot of men have told us that they would rather not even try to be intimate with their wife, not even try to pursue that, than get hurt.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: So what they're saying is, rather than getting hurt and rejected, they just don't even want to try anymore.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: So if your husband doesn't have a desire to be sexually intimate with you or you're, you see your husband kind of changing that pattern.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Just know that a lot of husbands out there have kind of just given up and said it's it's less painful for me to not even pursue it than to try to pursue it and get rejected it's heartbreaking so that is heartbreaking and no one signed up for that and I know there's.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: There's usually like deeper issues or reasons why that's happening.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: But but what do you say in that situation?
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Because once a husband literally checks out and is like I'm just not going to try anymore, he's probably stopped the emotional connection, that that hole or that gap is just going to get bigger and bigger and bigger.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: The marriage is just going to eventually just fall apart yeah right yeah, so what would?
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: you say, husbands that feel like that, like I, I get what it would feel like okay.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: So we talked about this in our marriage, like like, yeah, sometimes nicks drives me crazy.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like again.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: It's been like how long, like already you're already in the again.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: But I know deep down inside that if he didn't pursue me sexually after I don't know, I'd probably start to notice after three or four days, because I know typically that's kind of your time frame.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: But if you went a week and all of a sudden you kind of cut off some of that emotional stuff and you weren't pursuing me sexually, I would probably feel like do you still love me?
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Do you still find me attractive?
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Do you Like what's going on?
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I think most women would admit that that aren't a good relationship, that if their husband kind of quit pursuing them they would actually miss that but again, many husbands are stopping pursuing their spouse, their wife which is yeah, which is because they don't want to be rejected.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: They just it's too painful right, so right, super sad, yep, yep, super sad, don't give up, don't give up yeah, so the next one is men are typically stimulated directly or have direct stimulation.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Women typically are in direct stimulation, right, right.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Do you know what that means?
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: Yes, I do, I think so.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Do you want to tell me?
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: It means that we're fine if you go right for the good stuff.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: That, um, we're fine if you go right for the good stuff and a woman they want uh, they don't want us going right for.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Uh, I think we need a little build-up and our body is different.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: So, like the clitoral, we want to just get technical.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I I don't know if this is what she's talking to her or talking about exactly yeah, but when I, when I think of this, like you can't go straight to the clitoris without like it's very sensitive is.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, if we're yeah.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: So she's saying women, women respond best when the husband pays attention to her whole body, not just focusing on that one spot where her husband's like hey, you can, just you can.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Whatever you want to do, just I'll take it I'll take it.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I'll take it exactly all right, I don't want to dive much deeper into that one, but because we've got a, we got a list right yeah, but I mean, that's pretty self-explanatory, you know, and that comes back to probably foreplay, right like give me a back rub.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Give me a foot rub um just turn me on but if a wife really is more mentally stimulated, it's touching around the area for a while doing that correctly.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: If you need some technique tips, go to the ultimate intimacy app.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: In the resource section there are expert articles on techniques and ways to, like you know, to have some good floor play and some good ideas, because this is really, really accurate yeah, it's really accurate.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Like women need more, more of an all body kind of touch.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: The next one is for men it's pleasure at release, and for women it's typically pleasure from that anticipation.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Once again mental, physical mental, physical mental.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: You know, maybe I have, maybe I'm a little different, but I for me, me like I love the anticipation as well.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Like I, I really like a lot of foreplay and I like, I'm more like the man maybe it's more like hey, let's just wham bam.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Thank you, ma'am.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Let's get to the point um thank you, sir.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: You mean thank you sir.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's what I meant.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sir.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, correction.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: So again we're, but I do totally get what she's saying, right, right, like men really get pleasure from that release and women typically get pleasure from the anticipation of that.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know that one's tricky for me.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I think that can go both ways.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: I think it is because we're kind of opposite of that.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: So, like I said, a lot of these can be look different in your marriage, yeah, and and a lot, a lot of that can be based upon too, like with with the vibrating ring that we talk about as well too.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: So like that's kind of changed things to where Amy's like, oh man, I feel pleasurable the entire time it feels good the entire time, instead of literally having to do a major build up and then feeling good for 30 seconds, which is what most women who have taken our surveys and talked to us about.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: That's one of the biggest complaint for women and it's like the build-up takes so much mentally, it takes so much physically and I'm tired of even thinking that it's going to take me 30, 20, 30, 40 minutes for my body to even get there and my mind to get there, and then an orgasm is like super fast.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: And that's it when, for a husband, it feels good like almost the entire time.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: So, like so many women have reached out and ever since they've been trying the V-ring for her pleasure, that we sell in the shop Like they're like I love it the whole time that we sell in the shop, like they're like I, I love it the whole time.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I can, I and you can also control like how fast you want to end it.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Without getting too like specific, I just you have more control and it feels better.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: And then that's probably what I don't know, but what most men are realizing with intimate times is it does feel good the whole time for them.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: So for a woman, if it's not feeling good the whole time, you're just not going to want it as much.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: We're just built different right for sure so it's a real huge help.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: But I really.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: I really like the next one as well.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I totally don't you like them all yeah, they're all good.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: So for men, uh, they're pretty predictable.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Orgasms, right like it's a man just is fairly consistent.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Um, the same thing works over and over again for a woman.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Um, that's there.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: They typically or can have unpredictable orgasms, like what worked yesterday might not work that next day, yeah, and it's totally true I do agree with that for typically for a man.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: However, again with the vibrating ring um, it's taken it from very unpredictable to predictable absolutely it's crazy.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: It's just like clockwork it works every time and I used to think maybe it was just me.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe this toy just works this sorry, I don't like to call them toys, I think they're aids.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: We had this conversation last night on our walk like, like this, a toy is something you just like don't need, but like I feel like this is like a marriage aid that every couple should have because it it's used together, it's appropriate, its functionality is amazing, it works wonders, and it doesn't.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: It just 100% is used together and changes the whole experience for both people.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: How is that not just a complete aid?
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: and I think that's why we like it so much is because it is used together right and right.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: It's just awesome.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: But but yes, but going back to what you just said unpredictable and predictable, like what usually like someone was like that's not working night, that's because it's mental for so many women no, you're like it depends on where their their minds at that night, right like you, do the exact same thing that like this was three hours later or the next day later.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: What happened?
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not working for me tonight.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Well, what's gonna work for you tonight?
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: That's frustrating for men and it's frustrating for wives.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: So take the unpredictable part out of it and make it predictable for both of you.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Yep, that definitely helps Okay.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: The next one.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, I don't understand this one.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: I understand this one.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: Are you waiting for me to read it?
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, lead us off um, husbands have one orgasm and women can have multiple.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Ah yeah, I don't know what to say about that, because I am more like a man in this area.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get personal, but you women, you women that can have multiple, congratulations, you're awesome.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know what else to say we're just both one hit wonders okay, that's enough of our personal life.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: But if you have figured out how to have multiples in your marriage and she can she's probably one of those doesn't mind making love all the time kind of people.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: That's great, I do.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: We have an article on the app about multiple I think so yeah I think we do so.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: You can if we'll go make sure, but in the resource section on the app there's lots of technique tips, like we mentioned previous, if you need some good trip tips and tricks the elusive multiple o's um, that's yeah that's kind of like a not a fairy tale, but what's?
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: what's a story called where you hear rumors about things I don't know um, anyways, like a treasure hunt, okay, anyways, okay, so, moving on, uh, for men, uh, the penis is the sexual center, and for women, the clitoris is the sexual center yep, and the clitoris is by fact known to have way more nerve endings than the penis so we actually is like supposed to feel even better for women.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that's true and most people, okay, me included.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: When we first got married, I had no idea what the clitoris was.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: I just thought, oh, it's gonna feel good while we're making love.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: And boy, was I wrong um, yeah, so most women it was like 80 of women can't orgasm through intercourse alone intercourse alone.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: So once again, I don't want to feel like we're just selling this toy.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: It literally is just life-changing, though, but like that's why the toy is so great is because you can still have intercourse and still helps out with the clitoris stimulating the clitoris, it still stimulates the clitoris, so she's enjoying it just as much as he is, and if if you're one of those couples that doesn't know much about the clitoris, go listen.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: We have two podcast episodes we've done on that.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: I think one of them's episode 33, early on, and then then another one's probably about I don't know, maybe 250-ish or somewhere around that.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: But go check them out and that'll be, a really good one to listen to the first one was called the Key to Unlocking Female Pleasure, and the clitoris, literally, is the key.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: It is the only body part on the body, the human body, that is for one purpose only only physical pleasure.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: If that doesn't tell you anything, that is the spot that is going to help her orgasm.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: You have to learn it, you have to know it, you have to find it.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: That is key to unlocking female pleasure.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: We talked all about it with expert cindy sharky yeah, on that episode, and she is awesome yeah, um, the next one.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: You like this one peak in the morning versus peak in the evening so men typically peak in the morning sorry, wives women typically peak in the evening.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: If they peak, hey, if they?
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: um, yeah, this is just gonna depend on everyone's situation, because if nick tries to touch me in the morning, I'm gonna like oh yeah, I know it's like you'd be grateful.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: You get it night I know, I know it's not happening.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I am not a morning person.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Don't touch me through that, so so sorry.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: So even though I I'm peaked in the morning, I he's gonna have to.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: He's gonna just have to keep that peak going I'm gonna have to keep the peak till the evening hey, you're a happy husband so apparently it doesn't matter.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I'm a happy husband doesn't matter when, as long as you're making love.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Doesn't matter when, just work whatever works for you as a couple just because if you've got a household of kids.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Well, maybe you wake up before I.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: I don't wake up before my kids.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: There's no way.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: They're up at 5 30.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: There's no way.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: There's no way and just because it's evening here doesn't mean it's not morning somewhere else.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: That's how I get in that right mind nice one because I'm like, oh, it's morning in china I am peaking I am peaking in the morning.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh okay, moving on.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: do you want me to read it again?
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: You're doing great, oh, thanks, love making ends with orgasm.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: For a man.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: For a man, for a husband, for a woman, love making ends with afterglow.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: What does that mean?
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: uh, just read what she wrote, and then okay, it's pretty difficult for men to stay awake after.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, wait, hold on.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop that phrase once again.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: This article came from laura brotherson.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: She is a sex marriage expert therapist.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: This is where it came from, so I'm just reading her quote it's pretty difficult for men to stay awake after sex because all the endorphins and other hormones that flood them, enticing them to sleep, these endorphins flooding their mind, making them feel as if they had taken a medicine that makes them instantly drowsy.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: But it can be upsetting if your hubby falls asleep so quickly after sex, especially if the wife isn't finished yet.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: However, if men will exercise restraint and stay engaged with their wives after lovemaking, that can be a rich time of connecting and bonding their hearts together even more deeply.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, once again, I am the man you are the man amy's like thank you, good night that was great.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Good night rolls over love you good night like hey, don't you want to cuddle?
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: nope, of course I want to cuddle, but don't talk to me, I'm going to bed.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: No, I'm just kidding.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Um, I think this one could be switched either way.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: A marriage it sure could.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Nick's laughing because he's like he's like snuggle me, let's talk for a couple hours a couple hours.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: What do you think I am?
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah you.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: You could talk for a couple hours after you.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: You're wide awake.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: That's true.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: You're wide awake.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: It's because I peak in the morning.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Next one we're moving on Need to control sexual energy.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Men have to do this.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Women need to awaken and free their sexual energy.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: 100% agree with this one.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: That's probably most marriages.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Men need to control their sexual energy.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: They have to restraint because they're not getting it as much as they want.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Probably I I don't know any marriage.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I don't know any marriage.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: I don't talk to a lot of people that I know about this, but the people that we hear from many emails, many comments, this this is typical right and I can guarantee that most men are not having it as much as they would like.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: But going to the women's side, need to awaken and free that sexual energy.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: We do get a ton of messages and comments from people, mostly from husbands, saying how do I get my wife to free her sexual energy?
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: She was taught sex was bad our whole life.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Those kind of things like my wife's sexual energy is in a coma.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: How do I awake?
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: it's a negative 10.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Um, yeah, we're gonna have to do an entire episode on that.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Stay tuned for that I don't want to dive I don't want to dive into that right now, because it is so important to awaken and free that sexual energy once again.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: You were created.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: God created you with a clitoris, which is only for female pleasure, so I usually use that and I'm like that means he wants women to enjoy it as much as a husband like it.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Literally that's what it means yeah, right, yeah, we should.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: We should really do a whole podcast episode on that, like maybe how to awaken your sexual energy right, that'd be a good one.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Yep, coming soon, coming soon coming soon to a podcast near you.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: All right, um, and the final one, the grand finale.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Uh, men have simple, a simple sexual fulfillment and women have a complex sexual fulfillment.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: What do you think that means?
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: As a woman, I don't know what that means.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to decide.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: For a man.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: We're easy Just make love to us and we're like I said, we're fulfilled, we're happy, and I wonder.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: So this brings up a good subject.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: So, um, like many of you know the story Amy came to me about hey, let's switch things up in the bedroom.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: You're kind of boring and for a man, I think this makes a lot of sense.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: So men are very simple.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: For a man, if our wives are making love, I don't care if it's really missionary every single time, right Like, I'm happy.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: You're happy, I'm happy that my wife is making love.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: I think for women it's a more complex sexual fulfillment.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Maybe that's why you know you're like I need something else like boredom, you mean like we get bored easier yeah, you, maybe you get bored easier.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: You want to try different things um I could.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: I think this could mean complex in the bedroom or outside of the bedroom.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I just think we're more complex.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I think we, our minds, think completely different than you guys.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Like, um, I don't mean this in a negative way at all, but like I'm always looking at Nick's computer, he has one tab open and I'm like why don't you just leave them all open so you can go back and forth?
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: It's faster.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: He's like no, I have to concentrate on this one thing and my computer screen.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, we're working next to each other every day, right, I have 30 tabs open and I'm flipping back and forth from each tab, like literally I have a thousand things going on at once.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: I'm a graphic designer.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: Like I am flipping through tabs.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I'm back on photoshop, I'm back on this, I'm back on this, and my mind works the same way, like I'm constantly thinking about this.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking about my kids schedule.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I gotta go pick someone up.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: I gotta make dinner.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to get work done.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I've got to go make like I just I have so many things, so many tabs open on my mind and I think that most women can completely relate to that men, and men are more, just like, focused on a specific thing.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: Let's get this done, and then we'll move on, I'll get this done, then I'll move on and I'm like, no, I can multitask.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Like I remember sorry, this is a weird analogy, but I remember like when I had babies, like being able to breastfeed, talking on the phone, and like stirring a pot for dinner, like I could do multiple things at once while you were jogging down the road going to pickleball.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Definitely wasn't doing that while I was breastfeeding.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: But good, try um.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: And my whole point is like we can do multiple things, and most, I think, men can too, but I think you just work in a different way yeah, mentally we, we can kind of get more focused on one specific thing and women are can be thinking about things, and that makes a lot of sense is why the sex lives would be like that right.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Like a man's, just like let's make love, this is all I'm thinking about.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: And a woman's like well, I'm about is it too hot or too cold?
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Are the lights on?
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: Is the kid?
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: going to walk in.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: They're not thinking about that.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: They're thinking about like did I finish this?
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Did I need to do this in the morning?
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: I forgot to get this done today.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: Your shaved chest, the hairs, yeah, that's a big one.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Um, don't do that, don't shave.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Um, and I lost my train of thought.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Insider, when, when it says complex, like yes, like when you're laying in bed, like his mind is on one thing, she probably has a whole tab.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: She needs to close those tabs.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: That's where, like we already talked about the mental load and the word help and all those kind of things like help her figure out what tabs are open and help her close some of those.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: And if you can get her to enjoy it so physically like the v-ring changed me because I'm like I can physically enjoy it now so that my mental tabs close on their own.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to point that out because once you get engulfed in, like feeling really good whether it's a body massage or whatever sometimes some of those mental tabs can close on their own because you start focusing on something else.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: And that's what we want for women, right?
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so when we're complex yeah, we are complex creatures.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Like you chose to marry a complex creature.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: You did so.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: Now you get a.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: Now we're trying to help you figure out how to work with that, and this can also mean outside of the bedroom, like like we have a lot of tabs open and being coming a partnership and teammates and getting stuff done together in the evenings, getting the kids to bed together, finishing up dinner, cleaning up together, like all those kinds of things really help us decompress and close those tabs, like I just said, so that there is time and mental space to be intimate.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: And that is where we different.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Like if I said let's go make love right now, your tabs would close, your mind would be 100.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Let's get in the bedroom, that's all I care about where.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: If you said let's make love tonight, I'm gonna be like, okay, I gotta finish this, I gotta finish this, I gotta get this ready, I gotta get this ready and then I can get there.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: We're just different, for sure, and there's nothing wrong with being different.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: It was all all part of the plan and it's to teach us teamwork and partnership, to learn how to communicate, to learn how to restrain and to balance and to just be awesome together, like that's really why God made us so different.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: I think these differences are beautiful.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: I agree and I think when you hear these things that we've talked about, hopefully they can make sense and be like okay, that's, that's why he acts the way he does is because he works this way, and that's why she acts the way she does is because this is the way she works sexually.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: And so if you can understand those things like now, knowledge is power, right?
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Like I know that Amy is thinking about a hundred things, so now I can say how do I close those tabs, or close most of those tabs so that she can be mentally maybe in the mood or or have that desire to make love tonight, Right, what can I do to help her?
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Or or you know, just again, understanding how each other works so that you can help each other and work together as a team.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: And it's important to like.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: I love what you just said, but it's also important, too for a wife to be like am I opening up too many tabs?
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Am I doing this to myself?
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: And I know we've already discussed this but, like, if you really think about it as a wife, like if you want to prioritize your husband and his needs and to be intimate and to have a passionate marriage, you do have to sometimes like step back and be like what, which of those tabs am I opening up that don't need to be opened up?
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: What can I do to close some things that I don't really need to have open in my life?
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Because I don't know I we're getting older and the simpler the better, right.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Like.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I'm.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I'm really realizing we don't need as much stuff.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: We don't need to say yes to as many things.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: I, the simple life is better.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I To say yes to as many things, the simple life is better.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: I think your 20s and 30s things so crazy.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Like you start getting tired in your 40s.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, I just said it, we're in our 40s, do you agree?
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: Speak for yourself.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: Oh wait, wait, You're almost Never mind Approaching 50.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Almost 50.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Approaching 50.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: But I just I don't know know to wrap up this whole entire part one and part two marriage is beautiful.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: We were created different for a reason.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: We have to learn that not one is right and one is wrong.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: We have to learn that we were created different for a reason to bring balance and harmony into our home, and that really is.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Like I've said it before, I don't think we got married.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: I don't think God created marriage for us to be like oh, happily ever after you guys are going to be so great and have this amazing life.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Like I literally think he bended marriage as a test.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: I really think it's one of the biggest tests that there is how to?
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: How do we embrace our differences because we are so different?
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Even if you marry someone that's completely alike to you, your differences are still huge.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Well, I think we're just created totally different.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: You're making up?
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: you're making great points is, instead of using the excuse and saying we're just too different.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: That's why you know, everything isn't perfect, right, we're designed that way.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: Instead of looking at it that way, say we're different for a reason.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: And how can my strengths complement her strengths?
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: How can we come together and find that good balance to where we do think different?
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: And but how do we?
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: How do we bring those together to make us even stronger as a couple?
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: that's the goal ultimate intimacy is finding that balance.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: That is the goal, for sure so we hope you enjoyed the podcast episode and we'll see you next time.