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The Bunkhouse Podcast Live! _ The Healing Is Not Linear_ And That_s Okay · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

0:08
There were times I was looking at myself in the mirror, like,
0:11
dude, why are you putting on khakis?
0:17
Where Gunny Holly, who was blown up and killed, who had two
0:20
children? I lived in a reality for about,
0:24
I think 15 years that it should have been me.
0:30
Your source of strength has never been you, it has always
0:32
been from somewhere else. It's just my belief that mine is
0:36
from God and I, I choose to rely on God and I'm far from perfect.
0:40
I screw up all the time, but my life is at peace.
0:44
I have found a queen past the storm where I am at peace.
0:51
When things got really bad, which they will, we all are
0:54
going to have times in our life where we just can't handle some
0:57
things. To know that reaching out for
0:59
help is an option. It's the same as going to the
1:02
doctor. When you you can't get over the
1:04
common cold and it's turned into something crazy, sinus
1:08
infection, you got to go to a doctor and get medicine.
1:10
It's the same with your mental health.
1:33
Hey everyone, and welcome back to the Bunkhouse live here on
1:35
military broadcast radio where we get veterans of voice.
1:39
I'm John, and tonight I want to talk to you about something that
1:41
don't, I don't think really gets talked about enough in the
1:45
veteran mental health space. Really the, this the piece is
1:48
healing is not really a linear process.
1:50
And that's OK, OK. Like it's a real thing, It's
1:53
normal, it's expected. And once you understand it, it's
1:56
actually become something you can work with instead of
1:58
something that defeat you. I've had conversations on this
2:04
podcast with veterans who have been through some of the the
2:08
darkest places you can imagine. And one of the things I hear
2:11
over and over again is at the moment that almost broke them
2:14
for good wasn't the worst day of their service.
2:18
It was a moment after they thought they were getting better
2:22
and then the next they weren't. Like they had a few good months
2:27
and then they didn't. They did the work, they went
2:30
through the appointments, they checked all the boxes.
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And then something happened, a smell or sound, and they felt
2:36
like they were right back at 0. And for a lot of them, that was
2:40
the moment they almost gave up. Not the original trauma that
2:43
they went through while they were in service, but that
2:45
relapse that set back the bad month after a good stretch
2:49
because nobody had told them that this is supposed to happen.
2:52
This is part of it. This is part of that healing
2:54
process and that healing journey.
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Tonight we're going to go talk about the myth and the reality
2:59
of the healing and along with the framework that I personally
3:03
use that kind of created my foundation for my healing
3:06
journey. The station where our veterans
3:12
voices are heard, MBR talk. Hey folks, thanks for tuning in.
3:17
You're giving veterans a voice today, powered by Work Simple
3:21
where we simplify your mission. Find us on the web at MB Radio
3:25
dot U. The station where our veterans
3:28
voices are heard, MBR talk. Hey thanks for tuning.
3:35
In welcome are those of the speakers and do not necessarily
3:40
reflect the views or. Positions of any entities they
3:43
represent. The web at NB radio dot.
3:48
So let's start with the version of healing that most of us were
3:51
handed because I think it's worth naming exactly what the
3:54
expectation was so we can kind of understand why failing short
3:57
is it feels like failure. The version most of us get as
4:01
veterans goes something, probably something like this.
4:04
You acknowledge you have a problem, you go get your help,
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you go through treatment or you go through therapy or whatever
4:11
program that you decided you want to go through.
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You complete it, and then you're better, you're fixed and you
4:15
move on. And if you're not better or if
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you go through the treatment and you're still struggling 6 months
4:21
or two years down the road, then this kind of unspoken message
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underneath it all, something is wrong with you or there's no fix
4:29
for you can't be healed. People may think you didn't try
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hard enough or you weren't committed enough.
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Everyone else kind of graduates or as you seen others go through
4:39
this process and get back on their feet and you guys start
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kind of thinking, why can't I do that?
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I say this in a conversation. I had said this in a
4:47
conversation not too long ago, and I want to say it here too.
4:50
You can't just check a box and be healed.
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You can't do these things and say, well, I'm fixed, I'm good,
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I'm going to go on about my life.
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That's not how healing actually works.
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And the problem isn't that healing programs are bad or that
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the therapy doesn't work. A lot of them do actually work.
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The problem is the model we hand people going into these things,
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the idea that healing is a destination you arrive at and
5:14
then stay at for the rest of your life because that's not
5:17
actually what it is at all. I've seen guys and girls go
5:20
through inpatient treatments where they're fully committed,
5:24
fully supported, and they get out and go right back into those
5:27
same spirals. And when that happens, people
5:30
look at that that veteran, and they say they weren't ready or
5:34
they didn't really want it. And maybe sometimes that's true.
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There are some of us out there that that don't really truly
5:40
want it Even so we say we do, but a lot of the time we
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actually had it, it actually happened is that nobody
5:45
explained to them that the spiral coming back doesn't mean
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the treatment didn't work. It just means healing has its
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own cycles that you have to go through.
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Here's where this more model really breaks down for veterans
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we were trained from for binary outcomes, there's either missing
6:00
success or missing failure, enemy down or enemy up.
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You clear a building or you don't, that's not a lot of room
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for in military training for well, the building is 60% clear
6:11
and we're making progress. That's not how we were
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conditioned to operate. We were actually conditioning
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operate to bring that same binary that the same binary
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thinking to healing. When we decided either we're
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healing or we're not, either we're getting better or failing.
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We set ourselves up for something really dangerous.
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A lot of times that can go to some even darker places because
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healing isn't building a building you clear.
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It's more like a long patrol. Sometimes you take ground,
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sometimes you actually have to give some a little back.
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And the mission isn't to clear everything by sundown or by the
6:45
end of the day. The mission is to keep moving,
6:47
keep pushing forward. When we come back, we're going
6:51
to talk about the reality of the healing.
10:13
Love you too, girls. Welcome back to the Bunkhouse
10:20
here on the Military Broadcast Radio.
10:23
So now we're really talk about some things that I've seen from
10:26
my own journey and in from the veterans who have come on, have
10:28
come on the show. But I think there's a more
10:30
honest map available to us than the one that most people get
10:33
handed. Healing comes in waves, and so
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that's what Andrew Stokes said to me on episode 12, and it
10:39
stuck. He talked about how each day can
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be its own season of healing. Some days you feel like you
10:44
found solid ground. Some days the wave comes back
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in. And that's not regression.
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The men and women who come through the other side of this
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aren't the ones who never get, never get not.
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They're the ones who learn not to interrupt getting knocked
10:58
back as proof. And they get as proof they were
11:11
unfixed, unfixable. It looks like a good six months
11:15
followed by a really hard week. Not because you did something
11:17
wrong, but sometimes the nervous system just resurfaces
11:20
something. Sometimes it's a season of the
11:22
year. Sometimes it's a sound of their
11:23
smell that bypasses your brain entirely.
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It looks like going back to a coping mechanism.
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You thought you were done with a drink.
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You said you weren't going to have any more isolation when you
11:33
should. You've been showing up or anger
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you thought you process coming back to sideways.
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It looks good. It looks good days that still
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almost suspicious. Some veterans have told me the
11:44
good stretches are almost harder than the bad ones because
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they're waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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That hyper vigilant doesn't turn off just because circumstances
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improve. It looks like making real
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progress that nobody can see because so much of this healing
11:57
works happens internally. You're learning to recognize
12:00
your triggers before they take you over.
12:03
You're building the ability to self assess.
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Honestly, those aren't milestones anyone's going to
12:07
throw a parade for, but they're real.
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Now I want you to talk about something that doesn't get said
12:12
enough in these spaces, because when I say healing is nonlinear,
12:17
I don't want that to become an excuse to stop trying because
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this is very important. Nonlinear doesn't mean it's
12:22
directionless. The wave comes back in, yes, but
12:25
if you're doing the work, you get a little more ground back
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each time that you get. Then giving up the trajectory
12:31
overtime bands towards healing. But you have to be in the
12:34
process. I own one of my guests and has
12:37
become a real good friend, so sometimes I think about a lot.
12:40
He said that that peace is a destination, not the final
12:44
destination. It's an destination you keep
12:46
moving towards, you keep moving towards and keep arriving at and
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keep drifting from and keep returning too.
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And somewhere in that journey you stop being terrified of the
12:57
departure. You know you can find your way
12:59
back 'cause I think the biggest thing about that is knowing that
13:04
healing isn't the final destination after a treatment.
13:09
Isn't the what you're looking for after you go through some
13:15
therapy sessions. You know, I think the big thing
13:18
is, is knowing what gets you into or that wave, trying to
13:24
determine what that wave is that knocks you back or knocks you
13:27
off your feet, makes you stumble.
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But you got to take the tools that you've learned from those
13:32
sessions, from those treatments and, and use them to get back up
13:35
on your feet, walk back through the waves, walk through the
13:38
surf, get back on your board, whatever you want, however you
13:41
want to put it, you know, and I think that's where the real
13:46
healing really begins is once you kind of figure those pieces
13:49
out, you know, and when you come back.
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So I think we're the biggest things with with the healing
13:59
also is, is being able to go back and, and, and seeing and
14:04
understanding what those things are that you did before you
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started building that foundation, right?
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Like I mentioned, whether that be having maybe a few too many
14:15
drinks sitting in your bedroom or in your office space or
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wherever by yourself watching TV, not really wanting to be
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with anybody, not calling anybody, not texting anybody,
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you know, not answering, maybe a text that somebody they sent,
14:35
maybe they sent you. I think that's probably some of
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the biggest things is being able to identify those things and sit
14:41
back and, and know when those things are coming up.
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I think being able to identify the stuff like that really can
14:50
help you. Once you figure out the things
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that do help, you know, whether that be being around people like
15:02
other veterans or being around your family or whatever the case
15:05
may be. Being able to step back and say,
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OK, I'm starting to kind of step back or I'm stumbling.
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I'm starting to fall back into the same things that I said I
15:14
wanted to get away from. That's really kind of one of the
15:17
first that's kind of one of your, your first, I would say
15:24
shows or tells that you are actually starting to heal,
15:30
starting to get better. But again, remember, there is no
15:34
fix there that you there is no end all be all.
15:38
Like once, once there's trauma, there's always going to be
15:42
trauma. It's just now understanding how
15:45
you're going to get through it and, and, and, and how you can
15:48
start recognizing those things, you know, and I think one of the
15:52
biggest things, like I said earlier in the show about some
15:55
of the myths we get told that a lot of us get get in our mind
16:00
that if we go do this one inpatient thing for two months,
16:05
we're going to come out the other side.
16:07
We're never going to have nightmares again.
16:09
We're never going to want to start drinking to feel numb or
16:14
to get all those memories out or to not think about certain
16:16
things like that's never going to be the case.
16:19
And I, and I think understanding that and being honest about
16:24
those things and with, with, with each other.
16:27
And I, I think the veteran community understanding that.
16:30
And really not even just the veteran community, but anybody
16:33
that's struggling with mental health, if they understand that
16:36
that they're not going to be fixed because they went to one
16:41
month long treatment or they've been going to single talk
16:47
therapy sessions for two months or they've been going to group
16:51
therapy for three weeks. You know, like those aren't the
16:56
things that are going to heal you.
16:59
There's actually quite a few things that are going to heal
17:01
you or I wouldn't say heal you, but we'll build the foundation
17:05
for your healing process or your healing journey.
17:08
Because again, I in the kind of let everybody know I'm not a
17:13
medical professional, I'm not a therapist by any term, by any
17:17
definition of the sense. But I, I, I've talked to enough
17:22
veterans, I've talked to you first responders and even myself
17:25
personally. I, I went through some
17:28
challenges we all have, you know, and I, and I think taking
17:32
the things that I've learned and, and some things that some
17:34
other folks and other veterans have learned, taking with what
17:38
they know, what's helped them and, and sharing those things
17:41
can help us all. I think that's probably one of
17:43
the biggest things is again, one of my ways that I, I try to stay
17:48
on the up and up and it's part of my healing journey is doing
17:51
shows like this. I think finding that purpose for
17:56
me was giving back to the veteran community, sharing
17:59
things that I've learned, sharing the stories of other
18:02
veterans and things that they've been through, how they've
18:05
recovered and, and they've started on their healing
18:08
journey. Or maybe they're a little bit
18:10
longer in the journey themselves and some others.
18:13
And that's fine. Not everybody heals at the same
18:17
speed. Not everybody takes to leave
18:20
into the same tools. I think having a different array
18:23
of, of different tools that you could, you can use again does,
18:29
if two people can go to the same inpatient treatment session for
18:34
a month long, they learn the same things.
18:37
They may even show the same progress here in this treatment.
18:40
But when they come back home, one may decide that they're
18:45
going to use what they learned and they understand that it
18:49
didn't fix them, but it gave them ways to be better.
18:52
And the other one may come back and just think that that was
18:56
supposed to be it. That was supposed to be the fix
18:58
and everything's just going to go away.
19:00
They're going to go back to what we would call or society would
19:03
call normal, you know, and I think that's where a lot of us
19:09
really get kind of beat down is because we have, I think that
19:13
second person's mentality where we think this is going to be it.
19:17
This is what's going to fix us. Kind of like, it's really like
19:21
people that go on diets, not every diet works the same.
19:23
Just like like a paleo diet might not work for everybody.
19:26
Carnivore diet might not work for everybody, but it may work
19:28
for some. It's kind of the same thing
19:30
really. And if you think about it that
19:31
way, I think that's that kind of helps, I think lighten the
19:35
loader not necessarily feel overwhelming, maybe even to even
19:41
ask for help. Or maybe there's some veterans
19:45
out there that they're really good buddy, a really close
19:48
friend who's probably also a veteran went and did some of
19:53
these things. And when they came back, they
19:55
saw that that it, it didn't help them because they just fell back
20:00
into that same spiral, doing the same things they did before they
20:03
went. You know, and they're like,
20:05
well, if it's not going to help them, it's not going to help me.
20:07
And so they just don't even go then.
20:09
I mean, they don't even try to get the help because all they
20:13
see is is the ones that were maybe sold on it the wrong way,
20:20
I guess, you know, in a lack of better terms, you know, And so I
20:24
think that's part of it, part of this episode.
20:27
It is getting that type of kind of sentiment out is is it's
20:31
there's no one stop shop for healing.
20:33
There's no one thing that's going to fix you or take the
20:40
thoughts or the nightmares away. There's not it's it's it's a
20:44
collective. There's you just got to keep
20:46
working at it. Start identifying some stuff,
20:49
you know, being able to identify those things.
20:51
Be honest with yourself about what's going on.
20:56
And I think that's probably one of the biggest pieces, you know,
20:59
and I think some of those other myths that I talked about
21:02
earlier is that if you're not getting better from a treatment,
21:13
you may think that there's no hope for you to be better.
21:17
And that's not actually true at all either, because maybe the
21:22
treatment that you chose, again, whether it be individual, like
21:27
talk therapy or talk counseling sessions, maybe that's not the
21:32
right, right method or right, right method for you to, to get
21:35
support or get help. I, I've had my fair share of
21:39
therapy sessions and, and me personally, I, I don't believe
21:43
they work really well because again, I'm, I'm, I didn't feel
21:48
like we talked about the right things.
21:51
And maybe we did. And maybe it was just my
21:53
mentality going into it. And again, maybe I know I'm, I'm
21:56
guilty of having that kind of thought process to, to where we
22:01
think that we're going to do this one thing and we're going
22:04
to be OK once we're done with it, once we meet the, the, the
22:07
quota, so to speak, they say, hey, you have a 12 week set, you
22:11
have 12 sessions, we're going to go weekly or bi weekly,
22:13
whatever. And at the end of that 12 weeks,
22:16
you think you're going to be fixed and you get done and you
22:19
don't feel any better than you did when you started, you know,
22:21
and that's OK. That's an OK feeling to have.
22:25
And I, I want everybody out there listening.
22:27
I want you guys to know that. I want you to know that it's OK
22:29
if you don't feel like you've been helped in one method.
22:34
Don't stop there. Let that drive you to find some
22:37
way else to get help or to get support.
22:40
You know, 'cause, yeah, I, I went through counseling and the,
22:46
the, the individual counseling sessions.
22:48
And again, I really didn't feel like it helped me that much.
22:51
And I think doing more group conversations help me out a lot
22:55
more than than anything else. And because you get to hear
22:59
different perspectives. You get to hear different things
23:02
that other veterans are doing. It's not just the counselor
23:09
saying, what do you want to talk about today?
23:11
Well, how do you feel today? What's happened since the last
23:14
time we talked? You know, and it's like most of
23:17
us don't open up very well in situations like that.
23:21
I know I didn't. I've gotten better about it
23:23
myself, but it again, that's stuff that I had to work through
23:26
and work on myself to talk about and talk how I share information
23:30
or share different things about myself.
23:34
But I really do think like having the mentality and knowing
23:39
that the one method is just, that's all it is, is a method.
23:45
It's just like a medication. You don't just you keep, a lot
23:48
of us don't take just one medication for stuff.
23:50
We take multiple because again, you, you have, you have to do
23:56
different things to get a better outcome.
24:00
Honestly, you know, and I use, and maybe this, this might sound
24:07
a little selfish and, and, and I think maybe even rightfully so,
24:10
because it's part of my healing journey.
24:13
And, and that's something we'll talk about a little bit to you
24:15
about kind of the, the selflessness and being, or the
24:19
selfishness and what that really means when it comes to healing.
24:22
And it's OK to be selfish sometimes when it comes to your
24:25
healing journey. Doing my podcast, doing the
24:29
lives like this every Monday. It's part of my process as part
24:33
of my healing journey, being able to share these things,
24:35
being able to talk to other veterans and allowing them to
24:37
share their stories, to get their story out there, to
24:41
promote them. And if they're providing
24:43
services, if they've written books, if they're published
24:46
officers, authors, letting them share that, you know, giving
24:50
them a space just like how military broadcast radio has
24:53
given veterans a space to have a voice in the greater world of,
24:58
of, of the media aspect. You know, there's not many
25:02
places out there that are doing this.
25:04
I do like I do I would like to say though, in the last couple
25:08
of months, I'm very happy to see that even more people this time
25:13
last year it was hard You're hard pressed to find anywhere on
25:19
social media. You might have the one, the big,
25:22
the big names out there that are, that are kind of all over
25:25
your social media platforms that are pushed like they're talking
25:28
about mental health and veterans this and veterans that.
25:32
But I will say this year, in 2026 alone, and especially over
25:37
the last probably two to three months, I am proud to say and
25:41
proud to be a part of this community that has just
25:44
completely exploded. And not just around mental
25:48
health, but just veterans in general getting out there, being
25:51
more vulnerable because again, vulnerability is a strength in
25:53
your healing process. It's not a weakness.
25:55
Vulnerability is not a weakness. You can, you can actually use
25:59
your vulnerability as a strength and, and allow that to be part
26:02
of your foundation for your healing.
26:04
But also your vulnerability as a strength can also be the
26:07
foundation for somebody else's feeling as well.
26:10
Give them, you know, give them hope or showing them that it's
26:14
OK to be vulnerable because that's one of the first steps
26:17
too, is being vulnerable. You have to be able to be
26:19
vulnerable and, and be honest about what's going on and how
26:22
you feel, what makes you feel those ways, you know.
26:25
And so again, I'm, I'm glad to be on be able to do this show
26:30
again. I shall selfishly use this as
26:34
part of my healing journey. And that's OK to be that way
26:36
sometimes with certain things. We're going to take a quick,
26:40
another quick break. And when we come back, we're
26:42
actually going to talk about the framework itself around, around
26:51
kind of things that I've put together that I've learned not
26:55
just from my own personal journey, but talking to other
26:57
veterans, being able to take those things away and kind of
27:02
build a framework. And again, this framework isn't
27:05
an exact science. That's not an exact.
27:11
There's no, let's see, what's the word?
27:18
It's, it's not a step by step, right?
27:21
There's no order that they have to go in.
27:26
But you know, it kind of gives you another way of looking at
27:30
some things. Welcome back to the Bunkhouse
31:47
here on military broadcast Radio.
31:49
So before the break, we were talking about the myth art, and
31:56
maybe we really didn't even call it a myth.
31:58
Kind of thinking about this during the break.
32:00
Maybe it's more of a misconception rather than a myth
32:03
really of what the healing process looks like for sort of
32:06
healing journey looks like, you know, and, and what I mean by
32:09
the misconception is like going through one treatment session
32:14
that's a month long. Maybe it'd be impatient or maybe
32:17
it just be, I don't know, counseling sessions, one-on-one
32:20
counseling sessions and you're going to get fixed from that.
32:24
You no longer going to have the nightmares or the thoughts, you
32:27
know, it's just going to all magically disappear and go away.
32:32
That's either a myth or misconception, whatever you want
32:34
to call it, you know. And then we also talked a little
32:36
bit about what it actually looked like with that healing
32:39
process. Really looks like, you know,
32:42
that you are going to have some stumbles, you are going to fall,
32:46
you're going to set back in and maybe even get into some of
32:50
those spirals again that that brought you down, that puts you
32:53
in a dark place again. And that's OK knowing that it's
32:56
OK to get into those. But I think the big thing is
33:01
that we that we could take from that is that when we get knocked
33:04
down, it's just like we've been trained in the military.
33:06
You get knocked down, you get back up, you put the foot back
33:09
in front again, right? You take another step.
33:11
I think that's the biggest thing that we could take from our our
33:15
military service is taking that same mentality into everything
33:19
that we do. Once we take the uniform off,
33:21
especially in our healing journey, Just because we get
33:24
knocked down or just because we get pushed back doesn't mean the
33:28
March is over. That just means you got to give
33:31
a little bit more effort. You got to put a little more
33:33
into it to get to that, to the kit, to that destination, to get
33:36
to that next checkpoint, right? Because that's really what a
33:39
healing journey is. It's not even getting to a
33:41
finish line, it's getting to the next checkpoint.
33:45
You know, what is that checkpoint for you?
33:47
Is that a birthday and anniversary high school
33:53
graduation for your kids? What, what is that checkpoint?
33:56
What are you trying to get to? What's that next big thing that
33:59
you're trying to get to that you work through every day?
34:02
The things that you work, the hard things that you work
34:04
through every single day to get through that.
34:06
You know, that's how you got to look at a healing journey.
34:10
It's checkpoints in life, the good things, the big things, the
34:13
things that you want to be there for, the things that you missed
34:17
maybe while you were in service that you now have the
34:19
opportunity to try to be there for now.
34:23
And that second chance of being able to be there for your loved
34:27
ones. You don't always get those
34:28
second chances in life. Taking the things that you
34:32
learn, things that you, you, you want to know, setting those
34:36
checkpoints, setting those goals in life and working towards
34:39
those. There's people that would give
34:42
their right arm for a second chance at something and we get a
34:46
second chance every day, you know, and that's another reason
34:49
like the, the framework that I kind of mentioned a little bit.
34:54
Again, it's not a step by step process.
34:57
It's again, it's there's no fix. There's no magical fix.
35:00
You do this one thing and you're going to be good for the for,
35:02
for the rest of the days. It's not how any of this works.
35:05
You know, the framework I like to use, there's five things that
35:10
I've built my framework on. A lot of the same things what
35:16
I've taken from other veterans as well to kind of strengthen my
35:21
my foundation, right. And so those things, you know,
35:28
it's actually fairly simple. I don't want to simplify it too
35:30
much, but it's, it's a fairly simple framework in my opinion.
35:34
And I think once we go, we talked about it, you, you, I
35:37
hope it's simple enough for everybody.
35:39
It's it's something that everybody can use and kind of
35:42
jot down and and be able to take with take away from this
35:45
episode, you know, and I've seen it working at the the veterans
35:51
I've had on my show, including my own.
35:55
So there's five things. None of them.
35:57
Again, like I said before, they don't take away the non linear
36:01
nature of what the healing journey really is, but they make
36:04
the waves more survivable and overtime they kind of they
36:07
really build a solid foundation. And really the first one that I
36:10
like to talk about is every day is day one.
36:14
And what that really means is it's not that you're every day.
36:18
You're starting from zero. It's not that yesterday is
36:22
better than today or today is better than yesterday.
36:25
That's not what that means at all.
36:27
You know, I don't think it means what people sometimes take it to
36:30
mean. It doesn't mean you start over.
36:33
It doesn't mean what you did yesterday doesn't work or does.
36:36
It didn't count. It means that you wake up today
36:39
and you make a choice for today. You don't have to carry the
36:42
weight of every bad day that came before it.
36:44
You don't have to solve the whole journey by midday today.
36:48
You don't even have to sell it by the end of the day.
36:50
You just have to do what you have to do today.
36:53
One good day every day keeps you humble, keeps you grateful.
36:58
And then remember that one good day every single day.
37:02
It's just like a lot of your, I would say top tier.
37:09
Let's look at that. Let's look at sports, for
37:11
instance, a lot of your championship or top contending
37:15
teams across all sports, regardless of the sport,
37:20
especially once they make it to let's say the play offs, right?
37:24
A lot of times you'll hear them they get especially if it's like
37:27
a single elimination. Let's look at the most recent
37:29
the Stanley Cup play offs, right?
37:33
They get through it could go to Game 7, but when they start a
37:37
new series, guess what, they're still O&O when they when their
37:41
first game of that series, they're one and O.
37:43
So same thing. Every day is a new day.
37:46
It doesn't discredit or like outweigh what you've done in the
37:51
regular season to get to the play offs, but it's a it's a new
37:55
set of of win losses in the column, right?
37:59
Every day is just like that. What did that?
38:01
What did that? What happened yesterday?
38:03
Well, sure, you could think about those things.
38:05
It's, it is not bad to reflect on the things that have happened
38:08
the day before, but there's no reason to fester on them, to let
38:11
them fester, to let them drive how you're going to do things
38:15
for today because the things that you did yesterday or the,
38:17
the, the situations you were in yesterday may not be the same
38:21
when you get into the day. They don't have to look like
38:24
yesterday, and that's fine. The reset is real and it's a,
38:28
it's available to you every single morning.
38:31
You know, get up every day and start the day like it's a brand
38:36
new day because it is. And the best way to do that is
38:42
be thankful that you woke up that day, right?
38:45
Because not everybody gets that opportunity.
38:48
Not everybody gets the opportunity to have a tomorrow,
38:51
right? Not everybody has the
38:52
opportunity to have a next week. So being grateful for the little
38:57
things, the little wins, whether it be I didn't get when you're
39:04
doing your reflection, you could say, well, I didn't.
39:08
I had some of the same kind of conversations or my kids asked
39:12
me to do this one thing, the same thing that they've asked me
39:14
for the past three weeks. But today I didn't get as upset,
39:18
right? I actually said, yeah, let's go
39:20
do those things instead, right? Instead of making up excuses on
39:22
why, why, why I couldn't or I didn't have time to do those
39:25
things, right? That's that's one little win.
39:29
Check. Put that win and win and win in
39:31
the win column and, and reflect on that and then wake up the
39:37
next day and start at O&O again, right.
39:41
And at the end of the day, let's try to be 1 and O again that
39:45
next day, right? I think that's probably some of
39:47
the biggest, biggest advice and, and, and one of the biggest
39:51
things that I learned. And, and one of my guest, IRA,
39:53
who's all he's a Co host of Bravo Mission radio and that was
39:57
his that was his biggest thing is every day is day one.
40:01
You can go back and and look at my episode 13.
40:06
And, and, and see that every day is day one.
40:11
And he, when he started living his life like that, though,
40:14
that's when a lot of the stuff changed for him.
40:16
And that's when he really started seeing a lot of growth
40:18
in himself. And he said his family could see
40:21
the difference as well. When he started kind of taking
40:23
that approach to life is everyday is day one.
40:27
Don't worry about what's happened in the past.
40:29
Are those things still there? Have they gotten you to where
40:32
you are in that day or in that? What in that month or in that
40:34
season of life? Absolutely they have.
40:37
But again, they don't make you who you are, right?
40:42
They've shaped some things and how you address some things, but
40:46
they don't, they don't determine who you are.
40:49
And #2 is doing a self-assessment, an honest
40:53
self-assessment? And that's something you realize
40:56
a skill that's hard to kind of build out.
40:59
I think you know, and, and, and having some honesty about how
41:04
you look at yourself, whether it be fit, actually looking
41:08
yourself in the mirror and, and, and talking to yourself that
41:11
way, or whether it be journaling in a notebook somewhere about
41:15
some laying some things, doing some true self reflection and,
41:20
and being very honest about what you see in yourself, right.
41:27
And it's not just self reflecting and being honest
41:30
about the good things you see. You have to be honest and be
41:34
able to self reflect about the bad things you see.
41:38
These are like, again, having conversations maybe with your
41:43
wife about how maybe you are parenting the kids or how you
41:51
both are trying to parent the kids, you know, and maybe you
41:56
didn't react the way that you probably should have, or maybe
42:00
you did react the way that you thought, but it wasn't the right
42:04
way to react. And it really, and it put a, put
42:07
a wedge in between you, you 2 and your relationship, you know,
42:12
So being able to reflect on those things and, and see how
42:15
some of the things that you do affect the ones you love and the
42:18
ones you're that are around you. You know, again, it's not just
42:23
being able to identify good things that happen.
42:25
It's always good to identify good things are happening
42:27
because it'll, it shows you progress.
42:29
But also being able to identify those, those things that kind of
42:34
feel like the stumbles, feel like the falls, you know,
42:38
identifying those, writing those down, being able to see those
42:42
and then reflect on those. Because if you do it that way,
42:47
you'll be able to identify those a lot quicker.
42:50
The next time you start to stumble, maybe that fall, then
42:54
over this, let's say one thing, maybe that you failed the last
42:58
time it happened, you write it down, this is what happened.
43:01
This was a scenario, this is how I reacted.
43:04
This was the outcome of whatever the case may be.
43:07
Then maybe the next time a similar scenario happens, you
43:12
can identify that much quicker and it's only a stumble.
43:15
It's not a fall, a full out fall down for your complete set back.
43:19
It's just a stumble, right? And maybe you catch yourself mid
43:23
scenario of like, you know what, I'm sorry, this is how I reacted
43:27
last time. I don't mean to do this.
43:30
Let's let's walk through this or work through this in a different
43:32
manner, right? That's part of your growing,
43:35
that's part of healing, being able to do that.
43:38
Did you still maybe stumble a little bit, still had maybe not
43:44
the best reaction possibly, but guess what, there was some
43:49
growth there. You didn't fall completely,
43:52
right? You didn't completely fall down
43:56
and didn't completely waste the the the growth or the waste that
44:03
opportunity for growth, right. And I think you have to be able
44:10
to look at it through your own lens and not worry about how
44:13
other people see you or what your therapist notes down or or
44:17
anything like that. What do I actually see when I
44:18
look at myself? What things affect me
44:20
negatively, what conditions make me worse?
44:23
And then what actually helps? It sounds simple, but it's
44:27
really not. We spent years in an environment
44:30
where that level of kind of self reflection can sometimes be a
44:33
liability and you need to be decisive.
44:36
You didn't have the time to analyze how you felt about
44:38
certain things or comments you, you had to be about the mission.
44:43
So most of us never built really that kind of muscle memory, but
44:47
it's really slowing down enough to notice what's happening
44:50
inside of you. It looks like being honest with
44:52
yourself, even when you see it's inconvenient, that's when it
44:55
means the most is when you see when it seems inconvenient.
44:57
That's when it matters the most. Because if you can't accurately
45:00
assess where you are, you can't navigate that journey, that
45:03
journey, that healing journey. It's not self pity.
45:07
It's really it's, it's, it's, it's you're doing a
45:10
reconnaissance on yourself. And I think the third thing is
45:13
going to be self-care. And this is where I was talking
45:15
about earlier with being selfish for yourself.
45:21
For a lot of us, that's might be one of the hardest ones to do,
45:25
you know, is being selfish for yourself.
45:29
Because most of us, if not all of us in military service or
45:33
wire to be selfless, meaning we always put others before
45:37
ourselves when we go to combat. We fight for the ones to our
45:42
left and our right. We will make sure that the ones
45:46
that are in our charge are taking care of that they're
45:50
safe, that they come home safe. And we do that at the expense of
45:55
ourselves a lot of times, right? And I, and I think really, a lot
46:01
of times I think self-care really it, it gets maybe even
46:05
overused, really underexplained. And really it's just, it, it
46:10
really means just like what are, what are the things that keep
46:13
you functional? What, and, and are you actually
46:17
doing those things? Like I said, for Ira, my, my
46:21
guess is as simple as a first cup of coffee in the morning,
46:23
quiet, no phone. It's walking the dog without his
46:25
headphones in, just being in the moment.
46:28
It's taking its time on things. Right?
46:30
That simple. What sounds simple is self-care.
46:33
And he's right. But the piece doesn't show up
46:36
automatically. You have to build a small
46:38
rituals that protect it. Figure out what actually helps
46:41
you regulate, what helps you recover, and what helps you show
46:43
up the next day. Then protect it with everything
46:47
again. That's part of the selfishness
46:49
is protecting that for your own benefit, right not letting
46:54
anybody else, especially when it you need that time to recover,
46:59
to reflect, to make sure that you show up better the next day,
47:02
the next new day better than you did the last right.
47:06
You have to protect it. Don't let it be the first thing
47:10
that goes when life gets too busy, because that's when you
47:14
actually need it the most. All right, that's when you need
47:17
it the most is when life starts feeling too busy.
47:20
You're over committing to things.
47:22
You're you have you told your neighbor you would help them
47:27
tomorrow with either doing something around their house,
47:31
moving some stuff around their house, But you also told the
47:36
school, like a school group, that you would go out and and
47:40
help them with some stuff on a field trip.
47:41
You'd be a chaperone on a field trip or you told work.
47:45
Yep, no problem. I'll work through lunch so I can
47:47
get this. Just get this knocked out and
47:49
get it completed before the end of the day.
47:51
But The thing is though, maybe you committed to those, all
47:53
three of those things on the same day.
47:55
And there's no way that you can get any of those done right?
47:59
So again, it's the self-care. It has to be, has to be priority
48:06
for you. And again, that's where earlier
48:07
I said selfishness again. And, and the true sense of
48:13
selfishness is extremely important when it comes building
48:17
healthy habits for your, for your healing journey.
48:21
Now #4 treatment is not the beginning.
48:24
It's also not the end either though.
48:26
If you're going through treatment, you're still
48:27
struggling. That doesn't mean that the
48:29
treatment failed or you're, you're out of options.
48:31
It just means the treatment is the, is the foundation, not the,
48:34
not the finish line. You could take something from
48:37
every single bit of treatment that you get, whether it be
48:40
individual counseling sessions that you go either weekly or
48:43
every other week or, or whatever the cadence is for those or the
48:48
month long inpatient intensive inpatient treatment or six
48:52
months intensive inpatient treatment.
48:53
You know, whatever the case may be, it's it's it's taking things
48:58
from each one of those to get you to where you're supposed to
49:01
be, right? To help you to figure out, to be
49:04
able to apply to each one of these pieces of the framework,
49:07
right? Because there's really parts
49:09
that you learn from every one of those methods that you can
49:12
completely, completely relate back to one of the one of the
49:16
items of this framework here. And veterans who really commit
49:19
to treatment, who took it as seriously as they took their
49:22
time and service, still need to keep working after those
49:25
programs end the program. It just gives you the tools they
49:29
had to use those tools in real life, which is a lot messier
49:33
than it is when you're in the treatment itself.
49:35
And that's the reason sometimes you feel like it's a failure
49:37
because it's not controlled. You don't have control of the
49:39
outcomes a lot of times like you do when you're in those
49:42
sessions. There's specific scenarios or
49:45
specific things you do in these treatment sessions and there's
49:48
specific outcomes that they can kind of grade you on or expect
49:54
you to come to. And that's not how it works in
49:56
real life, you know? And the 5th and final one is
50:00
going to be community is not optional.
50:04
Find where your community is at, whether that be getting into
50:07
social media on within the veteran community, giving,
50:12
sharing your story out there, Finding friends or brothers and
50:17
sisters at arms around you, close to you in your local
50:19
community, at church or at your local chair gym that maybe your
50:24
kids go to. Finding good friends that you,
50:26
that you meet there that are veterans.
50:28
Maybe some of them are even still active duty depending on
50:30
where you live at. But don't, don't isolate 'cause
50:34
that's one of the worst things you do.
50:35
Building community around you, getting locked into some better
50:39
networks online, making really good friends.
50:41
I've made a lot of good friends over a short period of time this
50:44
year. Over the last probably four or
50:45
five months, I've made some really, really good friends that
50:48
we stay in contact on a regular basis.
50:50
I've never met them in person. I've only met them on my podcast
50:54
or on their podcast or but I guess what we stay in contact at
50:59
least once a week. We try to message each other and
51:02
see how each other is doing, make sure they're still doing
51:04
good, make sure they don't need any help with anything.
51:07
You know, I think doing that is, is is key and part of the growth
51:12
as well, you know, getting that community back because again,
51:16
being in service, regardless of what branch of service you in
51:20
that your brothers and sisters to your left and your right are
51:23
the ones that mattered the most. And why can't it be that way too
51:26
on the other side of the uniform once you take it off, you know,
51:31
so again, I think that's really like those are the big things,
51:34
right? So kind of recap in a little bit
51:38
is every day is A1 reset everyday, reflect everyday, make
51:44
sure tomorrow's better than today.
51:46
But guess what? If if it's not, that's fine too,
51:50
right? There's always, you're always
51:52
going to stumble, you're going to fall, but it's how you push
51:55
through that stumble and get back up from that fall.
51:58
Do some honest self-assessment and self reflection.
52:02
Find out what works, find out what doesn't, find out what
52:04
triggers you, and be honest with yourself about what those things
52:07
are. Be selfish for yourself when it
52:10
comes to self-care and make it a priority over everything else.
52:15
Because you have to. Because if you can't prioritize
52:17
what you need for yourself to be better every day, then you can't
52:21
truly help somebody else or even help the ones around you that
52:25
you love the most. And then #4 treatment is not the
52:28
beginning, but it's also not the end.
52:30
Treatment is just a checkpoint gives you tools, right?
52:34
It's just a resupply, right? It is all it is.
52:36
It's just a resupply. It gives you the tools you need
52:38
to keep on moving on down the road to the next checkpoint.
52:42
And community is not optional. Don't isolate.
52:45
Get out there. Get back out there with your
52:47
fellow veterans and make it work.
52:51
Like that's the best, that's the best thing I can tell you is, is
52:53
get out there. Don't shy away, Share your
52:57
story, listen to somebody else because even just you listening
53:00
to somebody else might just be what they needed, but it also
53:03
could be what you need as well because they may say something
53:05
that really resonates with you. Maybe they had a treatment or
53:08
something that really worked for them that you didn't even think
53:11
about, or vice versa, maybe you did something that they didn't
53:14
think about, right? So again, get out there, be back
53:17
in the community of the veterans and we come back.
53:20
We'll go ahead and close this out.
54:33
Hey everybody back. Welcome back to the Bunkhouse.
54:35
And as we close this out today, if feeling, if healing has felt
54:39
like a one step forward, 2 steps back process.
54:42
If you had good months and undone by some hard weeks.
54:45
If you've been in treatment and still found yourself struggling.
54:48
If you felt like everybody else got the memo about how to get
54:50
better and you somehow missed it, I want you.
54:53
I want to say this clearly to you.
54:54
You didn't miss anything. That's actually the process of
54:58
healing. That's actually what a healing
55:00
journey really feels like and truly feels like.
55:02
The road is not straight. It never was.
55:05
The veteran who makes it through aren't the ones who never
55:07
stumbled. They're the ones who who found a
55:09
way to get back up and keep moving.
55:11
And they almost always did it with help.
55:13
So again #5 community, that help is what always gets you through.
55:18
You're allowed to tell. Take your time.
55:20
You're allowed to have a hard week.
55:21
After a good month, you're not starting over.
55:24
Every time. I remember every day is day one.
55:28
And that means today, regardless of what yesterday looked like,
55:31
it's a new shot at it. So don't.
55:33
So please, please, if you're in, if you're in need any help and
55:37
you really, really need any help, please dial 988, which is
55:42
in that and press one for the Veterans Crisis Line.
55:45
They also have something for hard of hearing as well.
55:48
So if you want to hear more conversations like this, please
55:51
check out my podcast. I publish new episodes every
55:54
month of a veterans journey from their service through the
55:57
darkest moments in their life into what's working for them
55:59
today. And a lot of them even are
56:01
giving back to the community. So listen to you wherever your
56:04
podcast, wherever you get your podcast at.
56:07
Please subscribe, share, follow, make a comment, Let me know what
56:11
your thoughts are on any of my shows, please.
56:14
Again, you don't have to listen alone.
56:17
You don't have to be alone right now.
56:19
And, well, we'll be back next Monday, same time, 6:00 PM
56:22
Eastern, right here on military broadcast radio, where we give
56:25
veterans a voice and until then, be the light in someone's dark.
56:29
Hi, I'm beaker with Military broadcast radio TV.
56:33
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