Latest / Dear Chelsea / Minisode: Getting Into Heaven with Chelsea + Catherine

Transcript

Minisode: Getting Into Heaven with Chelsea + Catherine · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay. High and Mighty Tour, guys, is continuing.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Pittsburgh on October 9th. Toronto is October 10th. October 16th
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: is Boise. Spokane is the 17th. Then San Francisco, November 7th.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: And November 13th is Salt Lake. November 20th is Austin,
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: then Houston, and then Irving. November 20th, November 21st, and
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: November 22nd, I will be touring Texas. December 5th is Denver.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: December 6th, I am shooting my special in Vancouver, Canada.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: I have two shows that night. There are tickets available
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: for the second show. Then I'm going to Palm Beach, Florida,
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: December 16th by popular demand. Then Hollywood, Florida, December 17th.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: And then two shows in Tampa, Florida on December 18th.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: So I will see you guys on the road. Come
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: and see the High and Mighty Tour. I'll give you
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: some LSD.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Welcome to another mini-soda of Dear Chelsea.
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: Welcome.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: From the Dear Chelsea Podcast Network.
• 1:03
  Speaker 5: How is Yamanika's podcast going, by the way?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I'm behind on about two episodes.
• 1:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: But one episode, she was absolutely screaming, and I told
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: her to shut the fuck up. I said, no one
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: wants to turn on a podcast and.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Hear you screaming.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: But she doesn't... So I told Sam, who's in charge
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: of our podcast, to make sure someone's with her and keeps...
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Keeps some sort of audio buzz that when she hits
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: a certain decibel, it beeps.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Like a buzz collar, basically.
• 1:35
  Speaker 5: Like an electrified.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: But it's pretty entertaining.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Her podcast, you guys, if you haven't listened to it,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: You're the Problem with Yamanika, please listen to it because
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: she is definitely the problem.
• 1:47
  Speaker 6: Well, I have an update from our Guy Branum episode
• 1:50
  Speaker 6: of this podcast. This is Amber, and she had been
• 1:54
  Speaker 6: wanting to propose to her girlfriend, but her girlfriend's parents
• 1:57
  Speaker 6: weren't really supportive or her mom wasn't really supportive. So
• 2:01
  Speaker 6: she has an update, and her update is, Hi, ladies.
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: This is Amber.
• 2:05
  Speaker 6: I asked for some engagement advice a while back regarding
• 2:07
  Speaker 6: unsupportive parents of the gays.
• 2:09
  Speaker 5: I proposed.
• 2:10
  Speaker 6: I ended up taking your advice and just writing her
• 2:12
  Speaker 6: mom a letter and having a chat with her dad,
• 2:14
  Speaker 6: who's a bit more welcoming.
• 2:15
  Speaker 5: She said yes.
• 2:16
  Speaker 6: Thank you for your support and your help through this process.
• 2:19
  Speaker 6: I hope everything is going well on your end. Here
• 2:21
  Speaker 6: are some pictures.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's so sweet.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: Like, are you kidding me?
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. I love lesbians. That's where it's at.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I've had the most success on my dating app, my
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Instagram dating app with lesbians.
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: There's like four couples that are together.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: Do you know... I'm sure you do know.
• 2:42
  Speaker 6: Isn't it like if you have three people that you
• 2:45
  Speaker 6: introduce who get married, it's a mitzvah?
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 2:48
  Speaker 5: Like you're automatically in heaven or something?
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, great. Well, then I already have that.
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: I'm sure.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Do you have to intentionally introduce them or do they
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: have to just meet through you?
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: I mean, meet through you.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, so Karen.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: And Micah are one couple they both met working for me.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Micah, Karen is my assistant and my executive, as I
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: should call her.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: She's not just an assistant. She's way more than that.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: She dated Micah, who was a cameraman on Chelsea Lately.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: And at the time, well, before that, he was dating
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: my best friend. And I came home from Africa once
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: and Karen's like, we need to talk.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: And I was like, what?
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: And she's like, Micah and I are together. And I
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: was like, well, there goes that friendship. And I knew
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: my friend was going to blame me. And she did.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: Totally.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Totally. But that's fine. It worked out.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: No, but I definitely had three people marry that have
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: met through me.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: For sure. Oh, my gosh.
• 3:40
  Speaker 5: Well, you're in heaven then.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: And now with the dating thing, I mean, yeah.
• 3:43
  Speaker 5: It's a shoe-in.
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I should definitely be going to heaven.
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: We should probably look up the real rules on this.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: I do nice things for people all the time that
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: nobody fucking knows about. I mean, I am exhausted by
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: my own– My own niceties.
• 3:58
  Speaker 6: Our caller today is Jamie, and her subject line is,
• 4:02
  Speaker 6: my family's gossip network is stronger than my Wi-Fi.
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: Are they Jewish? No, Utah.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Utah, Mormon.
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: Well, I don't know about Mormon, but I think, I mean,
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: I assume so.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Everyone in Utah is Mormon.
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: They basically all are.
• 4:15
  Speaker 6: Dear Chelsea, I'm a 31-year-old woman who has spent most
• 4:18
  Speaker 6: of my adult life trying to rebuild relationships with my
• 4:21
  Speaker 6: siblings after a lot of childhood loss and family trauma.
• 4:24
  Speaker 6: I'm the person in my family who keeps showing up,
• 4:26
  Speaker 6: keeps forgiving, keeps hoping that one day I'll finally feel
• 4:29
  Speaker 6: like I belong. Recently, I was hanging out with my
• 4:31
  Speaker 6: siblings and I asked my brother if I could hit
• 4:33
  Speaker 6: his vape.
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: He immediately said, no, don't you have cold sores?
• 4:37
  Speaker 6: I was shocked because I had told him privately about
• 4:39
  Speaker 6: a cold sore I'd had weeks earlier and it was
• 4:40
  Speaker 6: already gone. When I asked how he knew, he told
• 4:43
  Speaker 6: me our sister had told him. Technically, it was just
• 4:46
  Speaker 6: a cold sore comment, but I walked away devastated.
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: It wasn't about the cold sore.
• 4:50
  Speaker 6: It was about feeling exposed and laughed at by the
• 4:52
  Speaker 6: people I desperately want to feel safe with. One of
• 4:54
  Speaker 6: my sisters followed me outside afterward and told me she
• 4:57
  Speaker 6: understood why I was hurt and that it wasn't fair.
• 4:59
  Speaker 6: Hearing someone finally acknowledge my pain meant everything, but it
• 5:02
  Speaker 6: also made me sad because I realized how often I've
• 5:04
  Speaker 6: had to be the bigger person in my family. My
• 5:06
  Speaker 6: question is, how do you stop chasing acceptance from people
• 5:09
  Speaker 6: who may never give you the kind of love and
• 5:11
  Speaker 6: consideration you keep hoping for? How do you grieve the
• 5:14
  Speaker 6: family you wish you had while still loving the family
• 5:16
  Speaker 6: you do have? A sister who is tired of being
• 5:19
  Speaker 6: the strong one, Jamie.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Hi, Jamie.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: Hey, Chelsea. How are you?
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: I'm good.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: How are you?
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: I'm doing good. Thanks for having me.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: This is a.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Small technical issue, but I thought, did you reveal to
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: your brother that you had the cold sore?
• 5:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I had that question too.
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: Yep. So basically I told him in confidence and I
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: was kind of testing him when he said that out
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: loud in front of all my siblings because they didn't know.
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: And so I was like, who told you that?
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: And it sounds like the night before they had all
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: been talking about it because he said my older sister, Rachel,
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: had told him.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I thought you said you told him that you had
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: a cold sore.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: Yep. I did tell him.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: And it was a moment in confidence, but he said
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: that comment out loud in front of all the siblings.
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: And so I was like kind of testing him. Like,
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: were you guys.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Talking about this?
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Oh, I see.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: I see.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Okay. Listen, everyone gets their family.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: You don't get to choose your family, regardless of what
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: religious people try to explain to you, that we're choosing
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: our mother or spiritual people. Like you choose everyone in
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: this life. You're with your family. It's like walking by
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: the same dog every day that bites you and then
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: continuously walking by it. You have to know what you're
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: up for and you kind of have to toughen up
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: a little on the inside. That's not where you're going
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: to go for the most comfort. It was really nice
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: that your sister came out and said that to you.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: That's caring. That's thoughtful.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: So That's one person in your family, you know, but
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I think you should just, you're going to need to
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: find a way to be not so emotionally vulnerable to them. Like,
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: it's kind of like water off a duck's back. Like,
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: you know what to expect. You know what the behavior
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: has been.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: You know what you're longing for.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Hopefully that longing will come to fruition in a different
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: way in your life and in different relationships, independent of
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: the relationship with your family.
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: Right. I love that. Thank you, Chelsea.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: It's just not, there's no water there for you.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: It's your family.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: And if you enjoy spending time with them, just manage
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: your expectations and don't test people in your family.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: That's not worth your time either. You know, like that one.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: It's just not worth it because you're also playing a
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: game and then there's a game being played back. So
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: if you remove yourself from the game, there can't be
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: games being played around you.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Everyone has to participate.
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: Absolutely.
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:36
  Speaker 6: I mean, I kind of feel like maybe there's a
• 7:38
  Speaker 6: world in which he forgot that you had told him.
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: It was like, oh, maybe Rachel.
• 7:41
  Speaker 6: I don't know that a cold sore is a hot
• 7:44
  Speaker 6: button enough issue to have been all gossiping about it.
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: But maybe.
• 7:49
  Speaker 6: So I also just think brothers can be really stupid.
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: Like they can just say stupid shit.
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: You know? Exactly.
• 7:54
  Speaker 6: And they're disappointing in that way. But yeah, I'm glad
• 7:58
  Speaker 6: you have your sister. Are you guys, I know you
• 8:00
  Speaker 6: had said to me in our pre-interview, like parents are
• 8:03
  Speaker 6: kind of out of the picture, right?
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: So both my parents passed away before I was 19. Yeah.
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: So it's really just you and your siblings.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And I've got, so I've got one full sibling
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: and then three half siblings from the marriage my mom
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: had before. And so we're all just trying to like,
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: you know, like be united, but it's so much trauma
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: in our past that like, it's hard for them to
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: get past that.
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: They kind of have a filter when they, you know,
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: when we're around each other. So it's difficult. Yeah.
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Well, you can try to lead by example and just
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: be happy and light and not, you know, not get
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: too enmeshed in the family drama and trauma, but just
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: try and be like a ray of sunshine and like,
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: ha ha ha, like just treat it like a light
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: and experiment with your behavior around your family.
• 8:54
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 8:55
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: I like that actually.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 8:57
  Speaker 6: And I wouldn't give up on like trying to make
• 8:59
  Speaker 6: these sibling times happen. Like, I do think it's good
• 9:02
  Speaker 6: for you to have like some family base. It just,
• 9:05
  Speaker 6: you know, brothers are going to brother.
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: Absolutely. It's tricky for sure. Especially with the trauma.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 9:13
  Speaker 6: I also, I also think it's interesting, like having such
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: a heavy background as a family and, And having like
• 9:22
  Speaker 6: these little things be the things that feel really hurtful
• 9:24
  Speaker 6: and feel really spicy. I wonder if there is something
• 9:27
  Speaker 6: there to unpack just because, I mean, sometimes it's like,
• 9:32
  Speaker 6: you know, you've got this big heavy stuff. So why
• 9:35
  Speaker 6: is this little stuff feeling so spicy? I think maybe
• 9:38
  Speaker 6: there's some, not projecting, but yeah, transmutation over here of like.
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: Taking things a little too seriously.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Do you think, Jessi?
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: It's like when I say experiment with your behavior, like
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: you can go into situations with like different attitudes.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Like you can walk in and just have a good
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: time and be like, oh, this is funny and just
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: treat everything like it's funny. Even like if it's a
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: dig or an aside, you're like.
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: Ha ha, da da da.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: And then you can, you know, like you just kind
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: of temper your temperament. You kind of arrange your personality
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: to fit the situation or like one of your sides
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: of your personality to fit the situation. And a lot
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: of times you can lift the.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Vibe up by doing that.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: So that people act differently because when you act differently,
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: you know, the best way to change somebody is to
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: change yourself. Like that applies to group settings too and
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: family dynamics.
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: Awesome.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: I really like that. That makes sense.
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: Okay, Jamie.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in, Jamie.
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: Of course. Thank you guys. It was a pleasure. Okay.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: Bye guys.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: We have one quick question to wrap up with is
• 10:48
  Speaker 6: our one drink question. Dear Chelsea, love you, love your show.
• 10:52
  Speaker 6: I have two questions. One, my BFF of 40 plus
• 10:55
  Speaker 6: years is taking me on a trip overseas to Italy.
• 10:58
  Speaker 6: She's footing the bill and I feel so weird about it.
• 11:01
  Speaker 6: I turned her down three times before finally accepting and
• 11:03
  Speaker 6: I'm really so grateful. I recently saw the letter about
• 11:06
  Speaker 6: traveling with your family. What do I need to know
• 11:09
  Speaker 6: and how do I thank her for such an incredible gift?
• 11:12
  Speaker 6: My second question might be more important. I know not
• 11:14
  Speaker 6: to travel with weed for sure, but any tips on
• 11:16
  Speaker 6: how to get a hold of some over there?
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: Your advice would be appreciated.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: LV.
• 11:20
  Speaker 6: I feel like this might be the friend of that
• 11:22
  Speaker 6: woman who called in a couple months ago and was like,
• 11:25
  Speaker 6: I want to take my two girlfriends on a trip.
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: And we were like, yeah, that's amazing.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: How do you get weed in a foreign country? You
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: just have to ask around. Just ask people who work
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: at restaurants. Or people who work at hotels if they
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: seem like they're on the level.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's not that big of a deal.
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I have asked a concierge, but I usually go
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: to the valets or people, guys walking outside. But I mean,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: drugs are just not a big deal anymore. And even
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: though they're not legal in Europe, everyone's got weed. So like,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: it's not hard to come by and ask like, I
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: was going to say taxi drivers, but that can sometimes.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Be a little shady.
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Like a hotel guy isn't going to fuck you over
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: because you're staying there. So that's a good place to
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: start anyway. And as far as being grateful for the,
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: just be, you know, you sound like you are grateful,
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: just be gracious and you don't have to thank her
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: 24 hours a day. That's annoying also for the person
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: that is giving a gift. That's not what people giving
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: gifts are looking for. It's just appreciating the time you
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: have and letting her know that like in a strong
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: way once during the trip is plenty in my opinion.
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: I agree.
• 12:35
  Speaker 6: I think it's like, Don't be weird about it either.
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: Like while you're on there, like, oh, are you sure?
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Don't say, yeah, don't be weird about it. Cause that
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: also don't be like, I can't believe you're doing this
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: for me repeatedly.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:45
  Speaker 6: Get some dinners here and there for the two of you.
• 12:48
  Speaker 6: Buy a nice bottle of wine here and there and
• 12:50
  Speaker 6: like thank her, go on the trip, have an amazing time,
• 12:54
  Speaker 6: send her a wonderful, um, like a note or a
• 12:57
  Speaker 6: handwritten note or flowers or whatever afterward.
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: I think that's, that's a good way to go at it.
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: That's all we got for today.
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Peace out. Arugula.
• 13:08
  Speaker 6: If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to DearChelseaPodcast
• 13:11
  Speaker 6: at gmail.com.
• 13:13
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• 13:16
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• 13:18
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• 13:22
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• 13:26
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• 13:29
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