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Supporting Neurodivergent Kids: A Conversation with Love on the Spectrum's Kaelynn Partlow · Inchstones with Sarah | Autism Advocacy & Caregiver Stories

• 0:01
  Speaker A: Welcome to a new edition of the Inchdomes podcast. I'm Sarah, and today I have a new acquaintance that I reached out to and was hoping that this live conversation could happen, because she is someone that is not only inspirational in what she puts out into the world, but just for who she is. I have Caitlin Partlow here today, and Caitlin is all the things. Authority, influencer, content creator, therapist, you know, all the. All these different titles that she wears. But what I really wanted to do today is to hear about who you are as a person, because that's most important to me as a mom of children with autism. And neurodiversity is so important to me. So, Kaylin, tell us about your childhood.
• 0:48
  Speaker B: As a kid, I was completely obsessed with animals, even from, like, a very young age. My mom said when I was really, really young, that the only time I'd elope or run away is if there was an animal present. Like, I assume I had asked to be able to go see the animal, but I guess in my tiny little brain, it was just easier to run away.
• 1:09
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:10
  Speaker B: And so, you know. You do?
• 1:12
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:13
  Speaker B: From there, I kind of developed an obsession with birds in the backyard. Specifically, I could sit out there with my eyes closed and identify what birds were around just by how they sounded. Alternatively, I could look.
• 1:26
  Speaker A: Have you looked at the app now, this Merlin app out of Cornell?
• 1:29
  Speaker B: I haven't used it, but I've heard of it.
• 1:30
  Speaker A: Girl, it is so cool. But anyways, I am. It's you as an app. You are the app. Yeah, that's exactly why I don't. You. I don't do it. You exactly. You are the app. Anyways, okay, so birds backyard.
• 1:40
  Speaker B: Yep. Obsessed with birds. Like, all my. You know, all the kids in the neighborhood were playing Barbies or listening to Justin Bieber, and I was concerned about when my mom would take me to the birdseed store. Store to get another bird feeder.
• 1:53
  Speaker A: Yep.
• 1:54
  Speaker B: You know, that was. That was kind of my thing. And then from there, I really developed an interest in dog training. They got me a show dog puppy, which was kind of a disaster in its own way because, you know, usually you get a puppy to teach your child responsibility. And. Oh, my God, did I learn responsibility with show dogs. A lot of people don't know this, but a lot of times they're sold under contract, and sometimes.
• 2:15
  Speaker A: Right.
• 2:16
  Speaker B: Includes not being able to spay or neuter them. And so I got a period. And so my puppy got a period before I was told what a period was.
• 2:26
  Speaker A: Lovely.
• 2:27
  Speaker B: I. Lovely. As a. As a young Child. But I did.
• 2:30
  Speaker A: People don't talk about this enough.
• 2:31
  Speaker B: Yeah, but I did. You know, that was what I was interested in. And despite not really knowing what a period was myself, I was helping my puppy through a period.
• 2:41
  Speaker A: Learning about the hormonal changes through your dog.
• 2:44
  Speaker B: Right.
• 2:45
  Speaker A: That is awesome. Do you have siblings?
• 2:48
  Speaker B: I do. I have a younger brother and a younger sister.
• 2:51
  Speaker A: Okay, so you are the oldest. Do you find that you are categorically what all those research studies are of the oldest female child of the family, the leader, the. The go getter?
• 3:01
  Speaker B: Yep, I am.
• 3:02
  Speaker A: Yep.
• 3:02
  Speaker B: And my sister is a classic middle child, and my brother is what you would expect for the youngest.
• 3:09
  Speaker A: So you and I sit. Exactly. I didn't know this until. Chatting. Chatting. I'm the oldest of three kids. Sitting. Sister and a brother, same as you and my children. That I have two girls and a boy. So I. That, that. That pattern of siblings is something that I understand really well. So tell me about your relationship with your siblings growing up and what that looks like.
• 3:33
  Speaker B: I don't remember a lot of it, but recently I came across some old family videos. And a lot of times my mom had described me as kind of cold as a child, that I was not physically affectionate. I was not very verbally affectionate. But in some of those videos, I'm like, I don't know where you got this, because I was, like, attached. I'm nine years older than my little brother, and so I was nine when he was a baby. And I was very motherly. Looking at these videos, I cared a lot about him. I was always trying to make him laugh. I recorded him constantly on the family video camera because he was like a diary to me. So I don't know, maybe. Maybe she's talking about maybe specific contexts, But I was warm with my younger siblings.
• 4:14
  Speaker A: Yeah. What about your sister?
• 4:17
  Speaker B: We are not very close. Not for any particular reason. It's just she's got her life and I've got mine. But as a kid, you know, we were close until she got friends. Yeah.
• 4:28
  Speaker A: I actually similarly was not close to my sister, honestly, until I had children. So there's always just different phases of life, you know, and what that context is. Talk to me about your schooling growing up and your highs and lows of, you know, your development and your education.
• 4:44
  Speaker B: I think things probably started going downhill. Maybe first grade, you know, socially I was doing okay, but academically things just got harder and harder and harder.
• 4:55
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 4:56
  Speaker B: So survived, I want to say, half of the first grade in public school. And then she took me homeschooled me around that time. First grade, when we moved to Greenville, South Carolina from New York. Yeah, we moved to Greenville for my dad's job. And so then once we moved here, they had enrolled me in a private Christian school, which was great for second grade and okay for third grade. I guess the not so okay part was I did in fact fail the third grade.
• 5:24
  Speaker A: So, like, what does that mean anymore? I'm so, like, what does that even mean? You know, sometimes I feel like, though, you know, having IEPs for my kids and all these things is like, aren't we just looking? Like, what actually is a standard? You know, what is actually the standard? So I hope that you look back and be like, I failed third grade. Who cares? You know?
• 5:45
  Speaker B: Yeah, that is largely how I feel.
• 5:48
  Speaker A: Good.
• 5:49
  Speaker B: I'm glad. That was before, you know, that was like, right around the time that I got diagnosed because the school had said, you know, you guys cannot enroll her for fourth grade because we can't help her. We don't know what's wrong with her, but we can't fix it.
• 6:00
  Speaker A: Do you remember, like, what that felt like? I mean, because you can talk so casually about it now, but like, God, I mean, I know what I felt like in third grade. What does that feel like? To think back on that, I remember.
• 6:11
  Speaker B: Not in a serious way, not in a oh, my God, you need to go to the hospital way, but I remember talking about at the age of eight or nine.
• 6:19
  Speaker A: Those memories are powerful. Who were some of your best teachers.
• 6:22
  Speaker B: Growing up after the whole school thing? You know, we had home school for a while, and my mom had hired a private tutor who was certified in the Orton Gillingham approach, which is one of the few evidence based interventions for dyslexia. She's the only reason I can read, so that's pretty cool.
• 6:41
  Speaker A: What other teachers, like, were there any, you know, music classes, art classes, you know, therapists that really impacted your life growing up, or is it sort of something that you are lucky that you had the parents that you did to guide you through that?
• 6:55
  Speaker B: I went to OT for several months to be able to drive. I, in high school, really wanted to get my driver's license on time. I was a part of several online groups for, you know, the term back then was Asperger's. And so, you know, a lot of the people with Asperger's would get their driver's licenses late. And that just. I just. I didn't want to be one of those people who was like, I will not.
• 7:17
  Speaker A: You're the oldest you're the oldest daughter. Oldest child. Right.
• 7:21
  Speaker B: I wanted, you know, and I did. But I did have to go to several months of OT to be able to get a driver's license.
• 7:27
  Speaker A: I always laugh that team that I have for my kids a lot. Right. There's a lot of people, there's the ot, the speech, the music therapists, the swim teachers. But like, how cool is it to be able to have that? The fact that you. We have established an ability to like go to an ot, figure out, get more coordination with it and not feel it's any sort of detriment, but that you can get yours on time, you know, I think that's really cool. How's your independence now? What does your day to day look like?
• 7:51
  Speaker B: It depends on what context. I still can't cook like at all. Like, I, like I could maybe if I re. If my life depended on it. Maybe macaroni and cheese on a good day. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. There's no cooking happening. However, I can do the dishes, so that's pretty fantastic.
• 8:08
  Speaker A: I wanted to talk about Project Hope. That seems to be something that's prevalent in your life and what your position is there now and your role there.
• 8:17
  Speaker B: Originally I was actually a student. That's where I went to for high school and most people don't know that, but I've been there since I was 13 and I'm 27 now.
• 8:26
  Speaker A: Crazy. Which is a good chunk of your life. Your life.
• 8:31
  Speaker B: Yeah. But just, you know, for people who don't know, Project Hope is a non profit provider of autism services and they serve people across the lifespan. So that's one thing that's unique about them because a lot of people, you know, a lot of companies will stop serving once people turn 18 or 21. And Project Hope does not do that. We have adult services, which is really, really unique.
• 8:49
  Speaker A: Yeah. So what exactly is your role there?
• 8:52
  Speaker B: I am an rbt and if you really want to get fancy with it, I'm a. What do they call it now? They've changed the name so many times. The, the lead technician. I don't know. The, the. The top of the food chain. Rbt, if there was ever such a thing. You're.
• 9:05
  Speaker A: So you're the oldest sister rbt.
• 9:08
  Speaker B: Yes. That's a great way to describe it.
• 9:10
  Speaker A: I'm also a manager. You're the social media manager.
• 9:14
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 9:14
  Speaker A: So yeah. So how do you feel like you're able to use your talents doing that? Exactly. You know, the. Especially with social media.
• 9:20
  Speaker B: Yeah. I mean there's a lot Of, I don't want to say misconception, but negative information that floats around about aba. And some of that is, you know, about us. And some of that are the ABA therapists. I mean, they're making the problem. Why are you talking about it this way like you guys are digging your own hole? And I've got a whole presentation that I give on that specifically.
• 9:43
  Speaker A: That's maybe a hill. I'll die on Kaylin with you. Sometimes the therapists make it worse for themselves.
• 9:48
  Speaker B: Yeah, they do. And that's why I taking over the social media page for them, because I want to show what's really happening. You know, not all of our clients, but a big chunk of our clients, their parents have signed media releases. They're on board with this mission. They want to show what it really, really looks like behind closed doors. Because we don't. I mean, our. There's this concept that I had been made aware of recently. I don't know if it's technically a word in the dictionary, but it's, it's, you know, is your therapy televisable? And the idea behind that is, could a news camera with a live crew walk into your therapy session at any time and you would be prepared to be okay with what's being shown live to the world right now? Is it televisable? Yeah. Um, and it is. The world doesn't know that, right?
• 10:34
  Speaker A: I mean, sign me up.
• 10:36
  Speaker B: Do you?
• 10:36
  Speaker A: You want to send the crew up to my kids school? I'll do it right now with you.
• 10:39
  Speaker B: Like that's.
• 10:40
  Speaker A: Yeah. Is it televisable?
• 10:41
  Speaker B: Yeah, it is.
• 10:41
  Speaker A: And that, yeah, that makes me sad that this is such a, like a, a sticking point because I'm on a lot of moms groups, you know, special, special needs moms in my local area and there are some schools that get this like, out of left field. Like I heard that this school and their ABA therapy is blah, blah, and it's like, no, it's not. My children's therapists are some of the most like second moms to my children. The most loving, caring, fully on board. And yes, there's a scientific process to it. But I'll tell you what, like, it's been nothing but wonderful. Nothing but wonderful.
• 11:15
  Speaker B: Yeah. And it isn't always so. It's, you know, it's that fine line of acknowledging that a lot of companies have really, really crappy procedures and really poorly trained staff and people. People are not qualified to be doing what they're doing and should not be doing what they're doing. And that does happen.
• 11:29
  Speaker A: Right? Right.
• 11:30
  Speaker B: And that's a separate topic that I, you know, I talk about frequently, but as it relates to the Project Hope Instagram, I am hopping into random rooms unannounced and recording what's in there. And that's what gets posted. And.
• 11:41
  Speaker A: But that's really, that's really good. And how do you think you lead with your heart? What the biggest thing that allows you to do that? Is it just that you feel so confident in being who you are and finally, you know, hitting such a stride? Or was that the. Your family and how they raised you? Was it going to Project Hope? You know, what, what do you think it was? Because you have such a beautiful outlook on life and I think, you know, you're being out there shows people that.
• 12:09
  Speaker B: I don't know where I got it from. I really don't know. Yeah.
• 12:11
  Speaker A: Okay.
• 12:12
  Speaker B: All right. One specific thing, but. Yeah, nothing.
• 12:16
  Speaker A: All right, so it's a random Saturday and you have nothing to do. What is, what are you going to choose to do?
• 12:21
  Speaker B: You want the real answer? The answer? Yes.
• 12:24
  Speaker A: Yes, I want the real. I want the real answer because I'm gonna sit. I. I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna sit in bed with coffee until about noon.
• 12:31
  Speaker B: Yeah. Something. I do something similar.
• 12:32
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 12:33
  Speaker B: A lot of times I'll just lay on the floor and scroll TikTok. And the longer I do that, the more I start feeling bad for myself for a variety of reasons. And it's never a good thing. Oh.
• 12:43
  Speaker A: You know, I always think maybe for the neurodiverse, like times, the, the blatant scrolling actually is really just a little meditative. I'm just like going through, seeing if a piece of clothing pops out to me or something. You know, what else can we discuss here? I mean, if, if you're to help, you know, mothers and fathers like myself who might be listening and say, you know, this journey is not anything what I thought my parenthood journey would look like. What would you, what advice would you give to them? You know, leaning into their child with a diagnoses and how to keep going forward. You know, I, I know that I have a different lens of life than a lot of parents do, which is like we engage with the world, we travel, we go to New York City, like. And yes, my children have non speaking autism. But the coolest parts about who they are always there. I just had to take a different path to get to know them. So what would be something that you would tell parents that you know, would help them on Their journey when their child's first diagnosed.
• 13:45
  Speaker B: I mean, kind of bouncing off of what you said. I find that the parents who have the attitude of, like, yeah, we might do it differently, but we're going to do this. You know, those kids are the kids who are happiest. Those kids have the most opportunities. The parents who are like, oh, my God, he can't go to restaurants because he makes noise, you know, those are the kids who are not getting opportunities. And, you know, know, it sucks. And I, I, there's, there's something to be said for severe behavioral challenges. I, I, I get that. But the parents, generally speaking, who have the attitude of, yeah, we might do this differently, but we are going to still do it, are the kids who tend to thrive.
• 14:20
  Speaker A: I think it's like ridding yourself of, like, what the world is going to think about you doing whatever everyone else just gets to do. You know, even in a place that's inclusive, people are still shocked. Or I get a lot of looks about my son's my when he's happy. Oh, you're gonna hear he's happy, right? Like, everyone knows Mac is happy. And I guess I'm sort of like, in some ways really happy with the inclusion efforts of public entertainment and spaces and cities and playgrounds. But then also, are people really getting out there like I am? Because it sometimes feels like the reaction is still like, we don't belong, you know?
• 14:58
  Speaker B: Yeah, the physical space can be inclusive all day long, but that does very little to change social attitudes if it's not being.
• 15:05
  Speaker A: Yeah, I saw something you posted. I don't know if it was today or yesterday or recently on your Instagram about that light show, and you were saying that it took you into, like, existential spiral, which I totally would do the same. And I get into my existential spirals when I start to think about these inclusion efforts, because all I want to do is to grab every mom of a special needs or child and just be like, let's just go. Let's just, let's let it go and let's go. I don't know how to instill that more without just living my life and sharing it boldly with everyone. With my children, I get to model it. I have a lot of parents that are like, but how do you do it? I'm like, I don't know. I just do it.
• 15:47
  Speaker B: That's hard. I mean, I feel like it's a lack of community, almost like, I think more people would be willing to if they had someone to go with or if they had, you know, an extra pair of hands to kind of rely on if. If they needed it.
• 16:00
  Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, it definitely. It's definitely the Olympics of motherhood.
• 16:04
  Speaker B: Right.
• 16:04
  Speaker A: I, you know, taking them out and about, but, like, when I see their faces and the. The joy. The joy that they express when we get out and experience new playgrounds or things that are just so sensory satisfying to them and they're different. Like, they could not be more different in their expressive behaviors. And at the same time, like, I always call it, like, the most luxurious thing that you cannot buy is the joy on my children's faces when they're getting to do something that is so pleasing to them. And my hope is to always instill the people's desire to try, because you're going to get that. And it might fail eight times out of 10. But when it does hit, I mean, when that hits for my kids, like, it's next level. And I'm sure that you see that even in the classroom teaching, you know, children on the spectrum.
• 16:53
  Speaker B: Absolutely. Just the exposure to new things can, you know, just provide a lot of enrichment that is not typically offered to our students.
• 17:01
  Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. Well, before I let you go, what would be. What is your favorite food? I'm gonna ask you a few one offs. What's your favorite food?
• 17:12
  Speaker B: Maybe pizza.
• 17:14
  Speaker A: Okay. What is your favorite type of music?
• 17:20
  Speaker B: It. It depends. Usually, like, the. More like, people, like, look at my page and they're like, oh, my God, you're so inspirational. Like, that's amazing. And like, what they don't realize is, like, whatever the most inspirational thing you've heard me say, I was probably writing that to the most revolting music that you could think of. If it's like an explicit. I'm gonna listen to it.
• 17:41
  Speaker A: Really?
• 17:42
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 17:43
  Speaker A: Totally didn't expect that. I thought you were going to be like Chopin or something. Okay. Thank you so much for your time. You are such a cool chick. I love how you live your life. You should be. You should be really be proud of yourself and your parents, too. Give them a high five for me. And keep rocking that oldest child platform. And because, as I like to say, there is no tougher man than an oldest daughter.
• 18:07
  Speaker B: It's true.
• 18:08
  Speaker A: In this world. So it's true. I don't know what to tell you people. Love us or leave us, right?
• 18:12
  Speaker B: That's right.
• 18:13
  Speaker A: All right, until next time on the insurance podcast. Thanks again.
• 18:16
  Speaker B: Thank you.