Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Dear Banya: FroYo with Toppings

Transcript

Dear Banya: FroYo with Toppings · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Scarub a dub dub and the tub tub Tub.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: We have a Dear Banya episode today that we do
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: so without further any life.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, I mean she gets right into business. No foreplay?
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: Why why do you need it? I love four play?
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Wait?
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: Can I talk about the funny thing that you said
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: when we were after the wedding?
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: What did I say?
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: We were walking back.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: And uh someone I think Uni was with us, and
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: she goes, uh. Tanya like, what's the first thing y'all
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: are going to do as a married couple? And Robbie
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: said him like, I don't know, a blowjob or something
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: a ton and goes ugh.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: I think that was more of a fiance thing.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Right because I was on my period. I don't like
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: to have sex in my periods. I like, not that
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I'm a wife, she's not.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: I got what I needed chicken on.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Special holidays only.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that it was very funny. No, but like you
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: were saying how you wanted to plan a proposal?
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, any headway on that Monday?
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Uh no, no updates, but thank you so much for
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: the encouragement and knowing that if I want to do
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: I could do it, you know.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but like it's just like so nice to bounce
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: ideas off of your friends.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: The thing is is that like we are we like,
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: we'll see you different rings and I'll be like, oh,
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: like because Hailey's so she has cool, unique style, so
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: I feel like her ring. I'm not going to be
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: to just get her like any old ring.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: I don't have to find.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Something that, yeah, something cool that is unique but can
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: stand the test of time, you know, so we I
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: do find both of us doing that more so like
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: oh do you like this?
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: Like do you like this? You know that type of thing. Oh,
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: speaking of On Gray's.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Anatomy, I was gonna ask you about this spoiler alert
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: when Link proposes to Joe. Oh my gosh, even though
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: they were I thought they were married, so I was
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: shocked about the proposal. Anyways, she goes, he doesn't really,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, it was cute, but you know, fine, they
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: were just like living yeah, yeah, yeah, which is fine.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I love I love a simple, simple moment.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: But she he grabs the ring box and she goes
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: to open it and it's empty and he was like, oh,
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: I thought it'd be better if maybe you it's probably
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: better if you pick one out. And I was like.
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: The reason they said, based on your history, Like there's
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: a story that I don't remember.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah maybe still anyway, I was like, day, not even
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: like a fake placeholder?
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like an amazon, my dude, my three I was
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: so good. Yeah, so oh I hate him.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: I don't feel that passionately about it. But I was like,
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: I don't think I like this.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I like the sentiment of someone getting to choose what
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: they want, if that's important to them, so that they
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: have the ring of their choice.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I just want you to know, like if you need,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: like if you need a girl on the ground, boots
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: on the ground for your proposal, like if you need
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: like broad everywhere, like flowers anywhere, like I am your girl.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I am put me in coach.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah it probably won't be here.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Ah, that does make it tricky, yeah for me to take.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: If your if your schedule's open and I can find
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: you somewhere where we are, then I'll keep that in mind.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: What will you do?
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: What's gonna be a reaction when I just FaceTime you
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: one day?
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be tough because I'm gonna be excited for you,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: obviously that I'm gonna be sad if you didn't tell
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: me that was coming. Oh, I already warned you about
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: that months ago. Yeah, you were, So you're really just
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: not going to You're just gonna do it.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: That's a secret I'll never tell.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Or are you gonna tell some friends and just not me?
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: No, if I told anyone, you would obviously be someone that.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I would tell you and ask her parents.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: I probably will. I think they'll be like, really, you
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: don't have to ask, but I.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: Will, so they'll know.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: They'll know that it's coming, but I'm not going to
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: tell them any details.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: Is there any chance she would beat you to the punch.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: I don't think so. Okay, I don't think so.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: If she did, that would be like the ultimate surprise,
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: because I don't I would. I wouldn't think so. So,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: But yeah, if I were to, if I were to
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: tell people, you would definitely be someone I would tell.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: But my goal would be to tell nobody.
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: M Eastern and I are going to pretend that we
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: knew an advance. It's just a mess with you. So
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna telegraph that joke, right now I have all.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: My like white stuff to like gift you.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: Oh, I'll probably.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Get drown, I know. I'm like, I have so much
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: stuff in our office of just like things that I've
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: collected over the year, you know, like just like from
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: my brache party, like all the different yeah whatever, and
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to gift them to somebody. I
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: don't want to ask.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: It's brides to be in the scrumming in group.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: And then you should do a box.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: That'd be so nice.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like with a couple of tiuras.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: Some of your merch from your wedding in there. People.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I posted the hat the other day and someone's like,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: how much for that hat?
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: I'm like, let's play a little game. How much you
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: got on you? I'll got any extra of those?
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: I love the hat or the one I love the
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: green one, other them both, but the green one just
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: like goes with everything.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so sad it's over.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah wait, but you posted some prenatal vitamins the other
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: day and then said any wreck So where were.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: My sister in law text? I mean she was like
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: the juxtaposition of your mini moons straight into prenatal pills
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: was like a little jarring for me.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Hallie goes out Tanya's pregnancy content has begun. She was like,
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: you might have to meet both of us and I
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: was like, no, you know, support got to support my
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: girls on their journeys. And I was like, but it
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: is a formula. It's like dating engaged content, wedding planning content,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: wedding content, honeymoon content, preparing to have a baby content,
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: pregnancy content, baby content.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean it's just like life.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like that's just like my life the past.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: But it's like two years, it's one after the next,
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: And it's like the reason why I posted the prenatle
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: is because, to be honest, there's so much information out
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: there that it is like actually jarring. And I've been
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: wanting to start taking prenatles because everybody says to start
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: taking them before you start trying to conceive. And I
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: was like, I should probably start taking them now.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: You're supposed to take them before you're even.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Trying, yes, like, because you want to get like the right. Again,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not a doctor, so take this for what it's worth.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: This is not a medical This is not a medical.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Podcast, and I'm not like telling you, but you want
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: to get like the right amount of full late and
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: the right amount of like vitamin D and like all
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: of these things in your system before and then like
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: it's just so overwhelming the amount of stuff. So I
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: got these these prenatals and I posted them to see,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: like because I have some dieticians that follow me and stuff,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: so I want I really just wanted people's opinions on
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: which prenatals are the best. And I got so much
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: info and I'm like, what.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Is that more jarring when you get when you ask
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: and then get way more info.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: I trust the people that I trust, do you know
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: what I mean? So I like getting information from people
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: that I trust versus like the world Wide Web.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: But there's specific people who if they respond, you're like,
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, instead of just directly reaching out to them,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: you open it up.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know some of these people personally, and I
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: don't know, I don't remember there, but I like, I'll
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: know that they've messaged me in the past about stuff.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: So what's the So what's your plan with that? Or
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: is it still we're waiting till after the honeymoon or
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: on the honeymoon.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, just start trying us around around that, around you went,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: you went back and forth.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah your plans.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, around then. But I'm going to start taking the
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: pills now. I already started yesterday.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: Good for you, right, like it's just good stuff for you. Yeah,
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: I might start taking them.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: It's gonna make my hair amazing.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: See what happens up.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I think it's bully not a medical podcast. Yeah, and
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: again take with a grain of salt.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: Well, let's get right to it. Enough for play. I
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: enjoyed them.
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: Thank you, crazy g Hello to my podcast friends, Becca Easton, Marcan, Tanya.
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: I got nervous about the order, so I did in alphabetical. H.
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: I want to say I'm incredibly gratefully. I'm for one
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: of you and this beautiful show. You all have made
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: a way. I feel like we've all grown up together
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: throughout these last eight years, even though we've never met.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: Thank you for the vulnerability, the honesty, the laughter and
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: love each one of you bring. You all make the
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: world a better place, and I feel lucky and blessed
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: to be a scrubber. Second, I just finished watching Jonas
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: Khan and almost burst into tears. I was so happy
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: to see Tanya's face pop up Hey. The whole time
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: she's on my screen, I just kept thinking, oh mg,
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: she is such a cool girl.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Wow wow, I've never seen those words before, talk about
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: grace under pressure.
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: Technical difficulties were no match for you, Tanya. You guided
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: those fan questions like a seasoned pro. What an amazing
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: job you did. As someone who deals with constant anxiety
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: doing even the simplest things. I could never imagine doing
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: what you all do on a regular basis.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: I appreciate her saying that because there were so many
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: technical issues, and like they were talking back to me
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: and I couldn't hear them, so I was just like,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: like it was like crazy, oh so like I could
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: only hear me and the fan, but then they would
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: like react to something we said and I couldn't hear it.
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: So so her question is how do you block out
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: your anxiety and do the thing what helps you when
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: you feel nervous, and how do you get through it?
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: Love you so much, thanks for being enjoying in my
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: life for so many years. Congratulations Robbie and Tanya. May
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: your love and commitment for each other grow deeper and
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: beautiful with each passing day. Tracy G.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is really sweet since she was talking about
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: what you were doing. How do you if you get
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: anxious or like overwhelmed or things go wrong, what do
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: you do?
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: It's interesting because I feel like I do get that,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: like I in this case in particular, like there was
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: also another like malfunction, like the something in the intro,
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: like the audience couldn't hear me and I was just
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: speaking to nobody, but I needed them to react, So
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: it was just like kind of a mess. But in
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, nobody notices. Nobody notices when you
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: do something wrong because they don't know what it's supposed
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: to be like, So it's just in my mind, I'm like,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: whatever I did the best that I could. I think
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: in my mind, I always just do the best that
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I can, And like, you can't change the outcome. If
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: something gets messed up, it gets messed up, and then
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: you just have to just like kind of goes in
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: and goes out onto the next You can't fixate. I
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: feel like with anxiety, it's like you fixating on things
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: I saw.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: I recently saw this TikToker, and I wish I knew
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: his name, but he has a really strong stammer stutter
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: and he forces himself to go into public spaces or
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: like he'll go on a hike, and he makes himself
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: stop people to say hello so he can practice speaking
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: to people while he's nervous. And I was like, wow,
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: that is such a brave thing to do because he
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: knows that he might run into someone who's not as
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: like patient or kind. And luckily a lot of the
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: people that stop and talk to him are so wonderful
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: and lovely.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: But I was like, wow, this is such.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: A testament of being able to do things scared, because
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: everything that we stop ourselves from doing is just us
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: holding back from getting better because of fear. And I
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: remember thinking, even like as significant as like me coming
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: out publicly, I remember the fear of like, oh my gosh,
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: but what if? There was so much anxiety about like
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: what if people are mean? What if they have a
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: negative reaction? But instead of letting that win, I did
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: it scared and it was like the best possible outcome.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: But I also think even if it had been bad,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: it would have felt so good just to have gotten
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: over that hump, you know what I'm saying. And so
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I think, like doing something even though it feels scary,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: and there's anxiety and fear around it. I think is
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: such an accomplishment in itself, regardless of the outcome of
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: what happens.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a quote.
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: If you can't beat fear, just do it scared. Yeah,
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: And I think that's what a lot of us do
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: in a lot of situations. We're like, oh, I'm not
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: sure this is going to go very well. You just
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: do it scared. And like I always say, my favorite
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: quote is being brave and pretending to be brave are
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: the exact same thing. You just got to do it.
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: You've got to get through it. However, you can get
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: through it. And there's also a certain confidence that comes
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: with Tanya or somebody's been on stage a lot over
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: the years. There's a certain feeling of it. It can
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: only go so wrong, right.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Then so wrong?
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you survived that. Yeah it was okay. But
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: they're not going to throw things at you. You're not
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: going to suddenly be naked up there, like there's there
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: are limits to how awful that can get.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, And the thing I will say is that
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: people like, let's say something went wrong to Taniel on stage,
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: people in that moment will be like, oh, shoot, like
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: there was a something went wrong and then that's it.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: They probably didn't think about it again ever again, So
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: you have to remember that something that probably feels so
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: big to you. In the best way I can say
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: that people don't care like they're only worried about themselves.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: That's because they're on their own head.
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: That's true, and outside of that, that's true. When you're
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: walking to the store, like everyone's worried about how they're
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: going to be seen or perceived. Nobody cares about you.
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: They care about themselves. They're freaked out about exactly, So
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: don't worry about it, all right, Anonymous. I've been listening
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: to your podcast since Becka disclosed your relationship with Haley.
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: I loved her authenticity and her truth, and ever since
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: I've been hooked and listening to Tanya and Becca has
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: felt like being amongst friends. I loved listening to Tanya's
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: story with the excitement she felt when she first met Robbie. Lately,
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: in my dating life, though, I felt confused about what
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: I need to prioritize. Do I need to see if
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: I have a spark with someone or should I give
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: the guy a chance to let the spark build up?
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: I've been seeing a guy for almost four months now,
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: and while I really enjoy his company and feel that
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: he hits a lot of check marks, I don't feel
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: that spark in chemistry with him that Becka and Tany
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: describe when they felt that they felt with their respective partners.
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: Should I hold out for the chemistry or settle down
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: with someone I considered to be a good person and
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: who is consistent. The last time I felt that spark,
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: it ended up being a very volatile relationship and he
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: broke my heart, but it was the only time I
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: ever felt like I was actually in love.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: M Yeah.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes people mistake butterfly like get anxiety or
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: like a warning sign. They mistake that feeling as that
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: guy feeling that is actually a warning signs butterflies, and
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: so they're like, oh, I feel like this rush of excitement,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: but it's not the right type of rush of excitement.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: You know. My personal theory on this, and there's so
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: many people that disagree because I don't think ever. I
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: think people have had long, successful relationships without having an
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: initial spark and it grew over time. But my thing is,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: there's so many people in the world and you have
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: such limited time here on earth? Why would you settle
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: without exploring? You know, Like, I'm also one of those
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: people like the grass isn't greener, you know, it's not
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: always greener on the other side. But I'm also like,
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: why limit yourself to settling if you haven't explored? So,
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: you know, does this make sense? Or do y'all disagree
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: with me? Because I'm trying to figure out. I understand
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: if you have something good not just immediately saying goodbye,
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: but you've given it four months, like you.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: But I also think just because you had a bad
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: experience with someone that you had a spark what initially
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: with doesn't mean that like a spark equals volatile relationship,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? I would personally save
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: out for the spark.
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: Same like, yeah, it does sound like there's something missing here,
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: whether it's the spark.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: People say like, oh, he grew on me or like
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: he grew on me, and I'm like, but did he?
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Or are you settling in like a roommate that's like cool?
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you need to ask yourself the questions. Is
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: he kind? Do you feel your safest sharing with him?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Do you see him being a great parent to your kids,
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: And there was one other one.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: Are you your best self already?
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: Uh? Are you?
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: Are you your best self? Are you the best version
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: of yourself? With him?
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you?
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: She describes him as a good person. He's consistent, He
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: checks a lot of boxes. I really enjoy his coming.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: You know, it's consistent. Almond milk.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: Consistently bland, but.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: It's consistent, Like that's not you.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Are you?
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: Are you?
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: What are you?
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: Are you trying to tell her to stay or go?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: That's a go. I'm trying to tell her to go.
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to behind and go for extend the metaphor.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: The topping was really beautiful, Thank you.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Why would you settle for almond milk when there's froyo
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: with toppings, all.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: The toppings you want? You want peanut butter one day,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: you got it, sprinkles the next day, chocolate sauce.
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: Rob is all the toppings.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. My first initial meeting him, I wanted
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: to my vagina tingle, which is key.
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think her tingling.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: It seems stagnant. She is tingle less, tingle less.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: And here's the thing he can be. He can be
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: a good guy. He can check all the boxes and
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: still not be your guy.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Yes, and that's okay, he will make somebody else's vagina table.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: Is that how low the bar is for men? That
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: it was just just like a lack of hostile like
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: he's not mean to her? Is that the only thing wild.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Does get low at times?
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: And here's the thing.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: I imagine that if you had a volatile relationship, that
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: having someone consistent and good.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Feels very safe.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: But I also think there's something better for you out there, Anonymous.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I do too, So go for the froyo, all the
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: toppings you deserve it.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, every taste is the toppings.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna let Tanya settle down while we take
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: a break and we'll be right back.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: Okay, We're back there in our next in our next sea.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: Someone said, how do I keep.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: My WM MWe while moving in together? And during the break,
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Mark goes, what is MWe? And time we both go
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: modern woman energy and Tania.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Goes, ugh, such a male.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: Anyways, from Brittany.
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: For Brittany, dear Tanya, Becca Easton and Mark, lots of
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: different permutations in the order. First of all, thank you
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: for the positive energy you bring to the world through
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: this podcast like forward listening. Every week, I'm reaching out
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: for advice on how to bring modern woman energy into
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: the next phase of my life. About a year ago,
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: after finishing calling in the one Thank You Tanya by
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: the Way, I looked it up eight bucks on Amazon,
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: I met the love of my life again same time
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: and decided I want to try living outside of California.
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: So I made plans to movie with my best friend
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: in Seattle. Although we'd only been dating a couple of months,
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: we decided to continue our relation ship when I moved.
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: Fast forward to now, I'm in the relationship I've always
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: dreamed of. This man is the most thoughtful man I've
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: ever met. He's showed me what it feels like to
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: have a true partner. I've also had an incredible year
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: in Seattle, making new friends, exploring new places, and feeling
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: happy to have made such a big life change all
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: on my own. We are not planning to move in together,
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: and we're talking about getting engaged later this year. For
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: working family reasons, it makes sense for us to move
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: in together in San Diego. I always envisioned myself moving
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: back to California eventually, and I'm excited to take that
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: next step. I'm also sad I'm about to leave a
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: city I love so much and it feels like it's
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: all my own. I'm grieving a bit of independence, so
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: that take a step toward combining our lives. What advice
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: do you have about feeling both excited and sad about
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: taking such a big relationship step and how to continue
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: bringing the modern woman energy into a partnership. Thank you
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: for all you do.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: I think the biggest breakthrough that I ever learned in
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: therapy was that two emotions can exist at the same time,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: So like, you can be so excited and looking forward
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: to this next phase of your life, but also a
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: little bit sad and grieving a part of you that's
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: no longer there, you know what I mean, Like those
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: two things can exist at the same time, and I
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: feel like tim for me, that was so groundbreaking when
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I learned that, Like I was like, oh my gosh,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Like every it just makes so much sense because you
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: can feel multiple things at the same time. And I
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: think that, yeah, you do lose like when you move
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: into with someone, you do lose a bit of independence,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: but you don't lose all of it, Like you can
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: still have your modern woman energy, and you can still
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: have independence while living with somebody, but it is a
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: huge shift and a huge change. So like you let
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: yourself grieve that and more in that and be sad
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: about that, but like, don't let that feeling overtake the
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: happiness and the joy and the excitement that you're feeling
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: as well.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: It's really good advice.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Wow, thank you, because I felt the same way. Yeah,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I felt the exact same way. Like I was, like
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: I was so excited and overjoyed for that next step
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: in season of my life. But also I want to
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: say mourning, but feeling like nostalgic or like sad that
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: I was leaving kind of like my my girlhood pad,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: you know, like my apartment that was my own and
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: I could sit on the couch and Postmates breakfast, lunch,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: and dinner and watch Gilmore Girls all day. Like I
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: don't know a lot of time I've ever I've done that,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: you know, Like I live in a home with three
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: boys and a dog, you know, so like my life
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: is different, but so I feel like having space for
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: both is like totally fine.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I also part of me understands because it's two really
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: big things at once. It's moving back to it's leaving
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: a city that you've had such a wonderful time in
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: and moving in with someone that you've been dating, but
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: like y'all haven't lived together yet, so there's this merging
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: of your life that's also brand new. Part of me
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: is like, does she move down to San Diego and
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: they live in the same city while they're dating and
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: do that before they move in together? Or does it
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: feel like you know what I'm saying, like so much
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: in one step?
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: What I was thinking was what if there's a third
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: option that that sociatle hers and San Diego is his?
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: Or was what if there's a third option that can
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: be that that can belong to the two of you.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, like, they move somewhere together.
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and maybe it's not even far away. Maybe it's
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: in the southern California area. It just slate's up in
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: Fountain Valley or someplace you haven't explored before. Because you
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: can have that way, it's a space that is your
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: own for the two of you.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I don't love that. I don't feel like she doesn't
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: like San Diego. Yeah, I feel like she likes San Diego.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I would just say, since it just feels like they
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: haven't dated living in the same city. So I feel like,
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: first of all, you're you're moving from somewhere that you loved,
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: you're leaving your independence, and then you're moving straight in
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: with a guy for the first time.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: I get though, I would feel very overwhelmed.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, so I'm like, maybe you have a
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: roommate situation for like six months and you'll just at
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: least date in the same city.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: You stay over there kind of learn how each other.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Like I remember I used to I like I have
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: a thing with hair, Like I just don't like like
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: black hair, and like now like like not on people's heads,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: like just like no, like like I don't know. It's
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: like yeah, like what I would say, like I don't know,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: like just just a hair dark hair. Yeah, And like
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: Robbie has to shave his beard like every day and
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: so there's always like there was always hair everywhere, and
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I always found that to be like so like uh
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: until him and then I was like I don't care
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: his his beard hair is like everywhere, and I'm like.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: A collection of it.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: I look at it when he's gone for too long. Yeah,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: but it's like I get it because like those things like,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I get it, Like moving in with someone is like
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: very jarring. It's very jarring.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: But that's what I'm saying.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: If she'sually a boy, if they if they got to
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: live in the same city and she had her own
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: space and still hers and he had his space, but
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: then they got to stay together, so they learned each
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: other's habits. Because when Haley moved in with me officially,
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: it was more like what are we doing with both
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: of our stuff? Like it was more stuff, there was
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: more stuff, but like we knew exactly how each of
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: us live, We knew our habits, we knew everything, so
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: there was no shock factor. If anything, it just made
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: it so much easier that we lived in one space.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: And I was like, why didn't we do this sooner?
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: But I I understand your feelings, and I think Tanya's
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: advice is so right, like you can experience two feelings
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: at the same time, and also you know, move at
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: the pace that you want to move.
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And congrats on calling in the one Oh my God,
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: music to my ears.
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: This is anonymous, and this is a pretty amazing way
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: of how she found the podcast. Hi Becka, Tanya Mark
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: Ron Easton. I discovered the pod in twenty nineteen when
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: I was recovering from a severe concussion and couldn't spend
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: time on screens, so I turned to podcasts. All these
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: years later, your pod is the one I still listen
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: to every week. Wow.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: Through the years, I've grown to know you all and
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: I've been rooting for your successes along the way. Thank
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: you for knowingly helping me through a brutal concussion recovery
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: process and giving real life advice that I value. Also, Tanya,
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: thank you for mentioning the song Butterflies by Casey Muskraves.
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: It led to me becoming a huge fan, and Casey's
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: music also helped me with my recovery. I've listened to
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: so many Bondie episodes and now I need advice. I'm
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: from Toronto, twenty four single, and they need change. I've
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: lived at home with my parents since the injury and
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: I'm feeling very limited. Moving out right now is not
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: an option financially, So how do you build space to
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: make a life of your own well living with your parents?
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: I appreciate you guys so much. Conngrast the Tani and
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: Robbie on their wedding m.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's I really think you the first thing,
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: which I don't know if you've done this or like
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: where your relationship is with your parents, but having a
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: conversation with your parents acknowledging where you're at emotionally and
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: how you want you know that like moving out isn't
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: financially an option, but you want to feel like you
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: have independence while living with them, and seeing if just
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: making sure that that line of communication is open, because
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes when you live with your parents, they
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: still feel like they're like taking care of you, and
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: they they have to almost like helicopter parent you, even
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: though you're a full, fully grown adult and you I
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: think you just need to have that conversation first of
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: acknowledging where you're at and that you're ready to have
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: some independence and even though you're living with them.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: I also think doing.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: Activities by yourself, like things that get you out of
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: the house are gonna be your best bet in terms
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: of feeling independent.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, Like I don't know what your
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: situation is, but I remember when I had to move
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: back home because I couldn't afford to live in LA.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: So I was driving from Orange County to LA to
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: work and everything like that. But I was making friends
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: that lived in LA, so I would like pack a
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: bag and on Fridays, I would like stay up at
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: like a friend's apartment for the weekend, and like I
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: started to build my life in LA without actually like
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: living here, and I would just like stay with friend
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: friends and make connections and do like work functions and
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: things like that. So maybe if you could make some
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: friends I don't know Toronto that well, but like in
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: the city or don't, I don't know, make friends and
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: like spend the weekends out kind of building your life
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: in that way.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: I was even going to say, maybe like once a
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: month you go and have a stay at like a
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: hotel or do something with a friend where you feel
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: like you're doing something separate from your parents. Yeah, but
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: I really think I think that's a good advice too,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: because I did the same thing before I lived in LA.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: I would come up and stay with friends and kind
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: of had established myself in LA before I even moved here.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: But I think that's a good advice. And I think
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: it's when you start to feel better and feel more independent.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: I think that you're naturally going to start making moves
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: to where you are in a place to move out
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: and get your own place. But we're rooting for you
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: and I'm glad your your health is getting better, that
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: you're even in a place where you're at asking us
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: for this advice, and we hope that it only gets better.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you got this?
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: Oh? Is that my? Is it? Time for a break?
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: For a break?
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: We are back with our final dear Bonia of the day.
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: It's another anonymous Hello, Mark East and Tanya. Yeah, that's
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: why I wanted to.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: Read this one.
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: I have a dilemma. I have an identical twin sister
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: who lives with me, and outside of a five month period,
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: we've lived under the same roof our entire lives. I've
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: always been the more independence and supportive twin, where she
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: relies on me mentally, emotionally, and financially. I have hit
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: my breaking point. I started seeing someone who lives close
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: to me, so safe to say. I invite her to
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: my house and I go to hers pretty often. It's new.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: It's exciting, definitely the honeymoon phase. I've always wanted to
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: be near each other.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: I traveled for work this week after being away from
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: my girlfriend. I was planning to spend the night at
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: her house. However, after letting my sister know I'd be
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: gone for the night, she flipped out started saying, I
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: always abandon her. I don't listen to her or her needs.
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: How I'm always ready to leave her when I find
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: a better option. I was still caught off guard that
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: detected my girlfriend to cancel last minute, even though it
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: was the last thing I wanted to do. Well, now
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: my girlfriend got upset. She's saying she can't continue to
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: see me if I'm always having to pick between her
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: and my sister. How can I said healthy boundaries with
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: my sister but also make sure she knows I'm always
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: there for her. I can't be a sister, friend, companion,
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: and bank for her all at once. I have sacrificed
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: a lot of myself for my twin, and I'm finally
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: seeing someone that I don't want to walk away from
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: without giving it a fair chance. Please help me.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think you tell your sisters, ye, I'm
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: gonna go see my girlfriend tonight. You can like go
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: watch Gilmore Girls and order some yummy postmaids. What are
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: you talking about?
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: I think, as someone who was very reliant on her
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: friends during your single phase. I think we can have
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: a little more understanding for the sister.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, I was heavily needy. I never once would like
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: if you guys were doing something with your significant others
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: or this is like guilt trip galore. I hate guilt trip.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: I think that it's important to sit down a law.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: I think it's important to sit down with your sister
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: and let her know that you love her so much
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: and you will always be there for her, but you
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: also cannot be everything to her like that is not
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: it's not healthy, it's not fair, and it's not one
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: person's responsibility to take on all of that for someone.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: And I think it's just having a conversation of saying
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: I need to be able to have my own life
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: and my own journey, and that that doesn't mean that
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: I've abandoned you. Like I think your sister's very anxious, attached,
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: and it sounds like you're the only person who either
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: she feels safe enough to be that way with or
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: gives in to her, so.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: She takes advantage of it like that, it sounds like.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: She kind of takes advantage of your willingness to be
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: there for her. So I think you just need to say,
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: I'm really happy with this person and I really want
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: to explore this and I shouldn't have to choose between
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: the two of you, and I don't want it to
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: feel that way, because me spending time with someone that
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: I really care about is not me abandoning you. And
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: you're let her know like she's safe. You're not trying
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: to get rid of her. You just are an independent person.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: You're an individual, and you deserve this.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: You can use beck as advice a little more tender.
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: I think it's like her sister's panicking. She's anxiously attached,
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: and she just needs to know that she's safe and
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: that her sister isn't leaving her.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: I think I'm triggered by this because of the guilt,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: the guilt tripping. I feel like, I don't know why.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: I feel like I was guilt tripped a lot like
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: in my life, and so when I see it in this,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: it like makes me like retract.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're also you. You have in the past
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: been anxiously attached. So it's like that feeling of someone
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: not being there when you feel like you really need
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: them feels like abandonment, Like I've felt that before. We're like,
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: if Haley wasn't emotionally there, I'm like, you're abandoning me.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: And she's like you're safe, like you're fine, and I
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: was like, okay, okay, you know, it's like just needing
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: that reassurance. And it's her sister, so it's like needing
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: to set that boundary because again, you're gonna go your
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: whole life with her, ruining other relationships even friendships that
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: you have with people, if she if you don't set
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: this boundary now.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, look and also like look if your sister was
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: going through something and like really needed you that night
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: and your girlfriend got upset about it, but that's another story.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: But the way you wrote it and the way this
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: is all I went down.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Now and I was saying, like, you're doing her disservice
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: if you don't set this boundary because she's always only.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: Going to clean on you.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and she needs to find other resources of support.
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: Like Becca, how would you feel if somebody was always
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: watching your location and trying to figure out where you
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: are and who you're with, and if you're having more
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: fun with them than you are with you know, that
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: sort of thing that would be that'd be a lot
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: to deal with.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I would just gently say I love you
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: so much, and you're safe and you have my location,
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: so if you have any need to know where I am,
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: just check check that. And I can't wait to talk
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: to you later on if that were to happen to me.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: Right, and just because I'm having fun with.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Someone else doesn't mean that that it's competition right, or
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: that we're not as good a friends anymore? Right, where
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: you're safe, doesn't love you, that's that's fyance, Tanya.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, wife's Tanya doesn't know.
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: I barely February.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah we are, Yeah, weavy bowl. Yes, I've barely heard
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: from myself. I haven't been home for more than forty second.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: Like, you're very settled and content. I have not, you
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: have been.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'm settled. Oh, I think I'm in
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: like a tornado.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: So when you're back from Houston, things over, yes, okay, okay,
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: I look forward to it. Yeah, that's all for now.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: We'll be back. That's all, folks.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: We'll be back on Monday, Yes we will, and we
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: can't wait.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Love you, love you so much. To be continued