Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Mic Drop Comedy JAM _ EPISODE 11(MP3_320K)

Transcript

Mic Drop Comedy JAM _ EPISODE 11(MP3_320K) · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What up, world? It's your boy Nate Jackson.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: This is the Super Funny Comedy Jam live from Tacoma, Washington.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Let me introduce you to the comics on this episode.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: There they go.
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: What's up, Tacoma?
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: It's your boy right here, comedian Antoine Scott. Straight out
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: of 804 Richmond, Virginia. What's going on, Tacoma? My name
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: is Lauren Emilia from Washington, D.C. Let's go.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: What up?
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: It's Daphne from Chicago. I'm Clayton Dobbins from Katrina. Nate Jackson.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Nate Jackson.
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: Super funny, coming to jam. Super funny, coming to jam.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Nate Jackson.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Super funny, coming to jam.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: That's right, it's the Super Funny Comments Jam.
• 1:05
  Speaker 5: It goes down, I'm your host, Nate Jackson, and we
• 1:07
  Speaker 5: are into it with the funniest comics in the country,
• 1:09
  Speaker 5: and you are live in.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Tacoma, Washington.
• 1:11
  Speaker 5: Make sure you remember that name, because that's where we're at.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: That's where we're at. We got black people, light-skinned people, redheads.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: What are you?
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Representing what, though? All right, a little bit of everything.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: That's what we do.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Let's stand and applause in the off-scenes.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: It's your girl down in love. What y'all doing?
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: You said it like this is just today. Yeah, what
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: day is it?
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: It's just Wednesday.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Everything feels like that? Talk yourself out of it. I
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: didn't do it. So we talk tonight.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: Can I have some?
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Everything feels like today.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: Hey, why don't you turn the other way?
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: How long y'all been together? And just dating still? I
• 2:01
  Speaker 5: was gonna say, y'all also black people shit. Five years,
• 2:07
  Speaker 5: so you.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Took seven years to get serious.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: Why'd you take so long?
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure.
• 2:15
  Speaker 6: Damn.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: That is a long ass test drive.
• 2:19
  Speaker 7: It's like a bunch of, if I want a Honda
• 2:22
  Speaker 7: or if I want a Cadillac, so I'll drive it
• 2:24
  Speaker 7: for five years.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: It's the highway miles.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Damn, you don't open the road? That's what's up. We
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: got a lot of adversity.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: This isn't a couple.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Is this a couple right here? Y'all look good together.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: You might as well talk and start whispering and stuff.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: What you doing in your little pools? I know that's right.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Can I touch it? Be mine if I just touch it.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Can I hover over it?
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: I won't touch it.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Can I just get close? Touch it, motherfucker. God damn it,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: this is a comedy jam.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Y'all ready for the first comedian.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: To start making some noise right.
• 3:05
  Speaker 8: Now?
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Y'all give it up for Anna Trunks.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: We're about to get started, man.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna give a shout out to all the couples
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: that was arguing on the way up here.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Come on now.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: All the couples that was arguing, you come to the club, okay?
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Y'all be arguing your.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Ass off, man. Especially the men, man.
• 3:25
  Speaker 9: We can't get four good words, though, can we?
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: That's all men, what's all we got right there? We
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: be trying to threaten women too hard.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Turn that goddamn car around, we ain't gonna get up there.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: She be like, turn the car around. I ain't wanna
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: go anyway. And the men, you can't laugh too hard, men.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Don't laugh too hard, men.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Don't laugh too hard.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Because women don't forget nothing.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: We got this bank called SOA. Y'all know about SOA?
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: That's weird because women don't forget that.
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: They recall a conversation verbatim from 1999.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: So long.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: You laugh in the night and they gonna wait for
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: two weeks?
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Sitting on the couch and be like, so long.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: You was at the top of the truck.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: .
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: .
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: .
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: .
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: .
• 5:00
  Speaker 9: .
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: And it's all recorded on an audio sex tape. He's
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: trying to say it wasn't him. We knew it was him.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: It was all Unc.
• 5:11
  Speaker 9: Because you heard him in the video, sexual audio.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: All he was saying was, Unc.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Unc.
• 5:21
  Speaker 10: Unc.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Unc. That's all Unc right there.
• 5:25
  Speaker 10: Unc. Unc.
• 5:25
  Speaker 6: Unc.
• 5:28
  Speaker 8: Then he said, Then he.
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: Said.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Girl, that's what men do when we get tired. When
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: we get tired, we start.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Girl, you so free. Now that audio sexy. You learn
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: a whole lot from women. I learned something myself.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: I learned that these books these females read are nasty
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: as hell.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Don't be shaking your head.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: She like, yeah.
• 6:10
  Speaker 9: The books they read, man, are nasty as hell. I'm
• 6:14
  Speaker 9: over at Charlotte's house one night. I couldn't sleep.
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: So I said, I'm a grand hurt book, cause I
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: heard reading makes you sleepy.
• 6:26
  Speaker 9: Now mind y'all, listen to me, sir. I'm in the
• 6:29
  Speaker 9: first chapter, third page. The first chapter, third page, that
• 6:34
  Speaker 9: means I'm early in the book. The book saying, Charles
• 6:40
  Speaker 9: came in the room. Charles started walking toward the bed.
• 6:45
  Speaker 9: Charles got in the bed. Charles start moving up my thigh.
• 6:50
  Speaker 9: Charles busting small on my back. I start getting hot
• 6:53
  Speaker 9: my damn self.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: I start.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Saying, kill Charles. Kill Charles. Kill Charles.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: Charles start blowing in my ear. Charles start caressing my earlobe.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: What's a earlobe?
• 7:11
  Speaker 10: I got the comfort real on that one. Get out
• 7:16
  Speaker 10: of the zone, get out of the zone! Brother Simon said, oh,
• 7:20
  Speaker 10: she got to wake up by now. I start slapping
• 7:24
  Speaker 10: them colors down, you about to wake up. She don't
• 7:28
  Speaker 10: walk up, cut out that body, leave it alone. She
• 7:33
  Speaker 10: talk about something, you won't do something. I said, no, Picasso.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: Looking like a panda in the face.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: I ain't lying, I start giving her a standing shot.
• 7:47
  Speaker 7: Our man twirls now, so I gotta go.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: I so appreciate y'all. Tua, Tua.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: Tua, Tua, Tua.
• 7:56
  Speaker 9: Tua, Tua, Tua.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: Tua, Tua, Tua. Tua, Tua, Tua.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Tua, Tua, Tua. Tua, Tua, Tua. Tua, Tua, Tua.
• 8:09
  Speaker 6: Tua, Tua, Tua.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Tua, Tua, Tua. Tua, Tua, Tua. Shannon Sharpe was doing
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: an essay saying, this is out of line.
• 8:21
  Speaker 6: He's like, whole skill. Whole skill, there it is, skill. Skill,
• 8:28
  Speaker 6: that's it, skill. Part of my interruption skill.
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: All right, y'all ready to run next to me and
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: start making some noise right now?
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: All the way from Washington, D.C., y'all get ready for
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Mind of Me. Happy to be here in Toccoa.
• 8:53
  Speaker 7: I just wanna let y'all know up top, y'all catch
• 8:55
  Speaker 7: me at a very good time. I've been doing comedy
• 8:57
  Speaker 7: for 12 years and I just started making.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Money like last week.
• 9:02
  Speaker 10: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
• 9:04
  Speaker 7: Yeah, so tonight, anytime I'm getting money and getting a pussy,
• 9:07
  Speaker 7: I'm gonna let y'all know that I deserve it. Yeah, man.
• 9:12
  Speaker 7: I'm a child of immigrants. Anyone here a child of immigrants?
• 9:18
  Speaker 7: Y'all got quiet like ice was here. Hold on, hold on,
• 9:21
  Speaker 7: is this a test real quick? All right, so I
• 9:23
  Speaker 7: didn't do this shit.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, both my parents are immigrants.
• 9:27
  Speaker 7: My mom is from Bolivia in South America, and my
• 9:29
  Speaker 7: dad's a Middle Eastern, so when it comes to protests,
• 9:31
  Speaker 7: I feel like I got options, right? Most of my parents,
• 9:35
  Speaker 7: they don't want their kids telling jokes for a living,
• 9:36
  Speaker 7: but they supported me when I told them I'd do comedy.
• 9:38
  Speaker 7: They supported me mainly because before I got into comedy,
• 9:41
  Speaker 7: I was a drug dealer. Yeah, so I told them
• 9:44
  Speaker 7: I'd do comedy, they're like, finally. He's getting his life together. Yeah,
• 9:50
  Speaker 7: when I was in high school, my mom, she found
• 9:52
  Speaker 7: a lead in my room, in my closet. She was devastated.
• 9:55
  Speaker 7: She didn't know what to do. So she trained at
• 9:56
  Speaker 7: a rich private school. There was all the situation, but
• 9:59
  Speaker 7: in reality, she didn't need a promotion.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Shout out to private school for changing my life. So
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: her dreams come true. So we can start selling weed
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: to cocaine.
• 10:13
  Speaker 7: You know, the Latino side right now, we don't really
• 10:16
  Speaker 7: got life going for us right now in 2026. It's
• 10:18
  Speaker 7: a tough year. All we really got going for us
• 10:20
  Speaker 7: is Bad Bunny, you know? Yeah, that's our NBA young boy.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I gotta be honest, man. I don't know what he
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: be saying in his songs, bro. That's kind of fucked up.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Like vibes.
• 10:35
  Speaker 7: The Middle Eastern side too, I don't know too much
• 10:37
  Speaker 7: about my Middle Eastern side. My dad is, you know,
• 10:38
  Speaker 7: like I said, he's from Iran. His government name is
• 10:41
  Speaker 7: Feroz al-Mini. But after 9-11, he's like, you call me friend.
• 10:47
  Speaker 7: I got a family in Iran I've never met before.
• 10:49
  Speaker 7: I got this one cousin, his name is Mohammed, right? Mohammed,
• 10:51
  Speaker 7: he likes to call me on WhatsApp because he'd be
• 10:53
  Speaker 7: watching the news. He'd be like worried about me. That's
• 10:55
  Speaker 7: how you know America's like sucked up right now. When
• 10:58
  Speaker 7: your cousin in Iran is worried about you. I swear
• 11:03
  Speaker 7: to God, he didn't call me. I was like, Martin,
• 11:06
  Speaker 7: I'm watching the news. Are you okay? I go, Bahami, respectfully,
• 11:12
  Speaker 7: you live in Iran, don't you? Are you okay? Seven
• 11:17
  Speaker 7: days later, America.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Started bombing Iran. Yeah, I was like, fuck. I should
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: probably call Mohammed back, be serious. There you go.
• 11:24
  Speaker 7: So I hit Mohammed back on WhatsApp. I'm like, yo,
• 11:27
  Speaker 7: big dog, I'm watching the news, man. Looks like we're
• 11:29
  Speaker 7: bombing you.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: You good? He goes, inshallah, Martin, I'm doing okay.
• 11:32
  Speaker 7: I just want to let you know what's happening here
• 11:35
  Speaker 7: in Iran is not your fault. So I got to
• 11:39
  Speaker 7: be honest, Mohammed, never thought it was. Never crossed my
• 11:43
  Speaker 7: mind one time, big dog. I sleep like a baby, bro.
• 11:49
  Speaker 7: It's kind of the fucked up part about living in
• 11:51
  Speaker 7: America while the country you live in is bombing where
• 11:53
  Speaker 7: your family's from. It's a weird feeling because when I
• 11:56
  Speaker 7: was watching the news when America was bombing Iran, I
• 11:58
  Speaker 7: was trying to get some more information from the president,
• 12:00
  Speaker 7: but unfortunately, I feel like the president.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: He doesn't really like to de-escalate situations. I feel like
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: he likes to put cocaine on the fire. You know
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: what I mean?
• 12:08
  Speaker 7: He is getting fights and shit like, I'll say it again.
• 12:12
  Speaker 7: Because the media, they're asking a very basic question, like, oh, Mr. President,
• 12:15
  Speaker 7: what's going to happen in Iran? He goes, you guys
• 12:18
  Speaker 7: don't know what I'm going to do They don't know
• 12:20
  Speaker 7: what I'm gonna do. And I don't know what I'm
• 12:23
  Speaker 7: gonna do. They're like, yo, so much I don't know
• 12:26
  Speaker 7: what the fuck I'm gonna do. You just got some
• 12:28
  Speaker 7: fucking iron, clock the fuck in.
• 12:30
  Speaker 6: Big dog.
• 12:32
  Speaker 7: Yeah, man, like I mentioned earlier, I live in Washington, D.C.,
• 12:35
  Speaker 7: but I'm on tour right now.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: I get to travel the country, which is awesome.
• 12:38
  Speaker 7: I feel like when I travel outside of D.C., people
• 12:40
  Speaker 7: love to ask me questions about the government.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Like, I'll be doing shit. Like, hey, big dog, what's
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: up with the Senate? Like, dog, I'm out of the room, sir.
• 12:47
  Speaker 10: Like.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I have no.
• 12:49
  Speaker 7: Access to any information at all, bro. It don't fuck
• 12:52
  Speaker 7: with me at all. But it's just weird living in
• 12:54
  Speaker 7: a city that has so much power and control so
• 12:57
  Speaker 7: much of what happens in the country. And a lot
• 12:58
  Speaker 7: of this horrible shit be happening two blocks away.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: From where I live.
• 13:01
  Speaker 7: Like, for example, the day of January 6th, I was
• 13:03
  Speaker 7: actually two blocks away from the Capitol. And I remember
• 13:06
  Speaker 7: I was just walking, I was just outside. I saw
• 13:07
  Speaker 7: a lot of homies in flannel. And I was like, oh,
• 13:10
  Speaker 7: is there like a sailor hold maybe? I was like, no,
• 13:14
  Speaker 7: these white homies look too angry for there to be
• 13:15
  Speaker 7: a sailor holding them.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Then I got a phone call from my homies. They goes, hey, yo, son,
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: you heard about the Proud Boys? They're about to pull
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: up to D.C., our city. I was like, was that
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: like a new musical or? He's like, nah, dog, they're
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: white nationalists. Do your Googles. I'm going to do my Googles.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Turns out the Proud Boys, they are white nationalists.
• 13:34
  Speaker 7: They are all right. Then I did further research. I
• 13:37
  Speaker 7: found out that the leader of the Proud Boys is
• 13:39
  Speaker 7: an Afro Cuban Latino. Yeah, the guy's name is Enrique Terrio.
• 13:44
  Speaker 7: As a Latino, that shit kind of fucked me up.
• 13:46
  Speaker 7: I'm like, damn, son.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Latinos, we're really out here taking white people's jobs. Son,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: we got to do everything. We got to show you
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: how to be racist, too. Y'all work amazing. My name
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: is Morgan. Thank you guys so much.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: I appreciate y'all.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: I didn't know the leader of the foul boy was
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: not white.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I know he be talking, careful in the leads. Allow
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: me to lead. And fuck, he got down. What'd he say,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Enrique what? That's crazy, all them white people. Somebody said
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Enrique Jose, that's racist as fuck. That's racist. And you're
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: sitting here with a Latina? That should be a sin
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: to yourself. That's hilarious. Y'all ready for the next comment?
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Start making noise right now.
• 15:11
  Speaker 8: This jacket's so damn tight. Shit. This is my accountability jacket, bitch.
• 15:16
  Speaker 8: I put it on at 8 o'clock so I won't
• 15:18
  Speaker 8: eat a pork chop at 8.30. It never fits. This
• 15:22
  Speaker 8: motherfucker tight than a bitch. It should be called Just
• 15:24
  Speaker 8: Needs Super Tight Jeans Jacket.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: Goddamn.
• 15:27
  Speaker 8: But I wear it every day because I got a
• 15:28
  Speaker 8: wedding to get ready for.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Come on, y'all.
• 15:30
  Speaker 8: Clock it. Yeah, I put it on because I have
• 15:35
  Speaker 8: to intermittent fast. I don't know if anybody intermittent fast
• 15:37
  Speaker 8: in here, but that shit work. Yeah, it's like you
• 15:39
  Speaker 8: got an eight-hour window to eat and a 16-hour window
• 15:42
  Speaker 8: to be sad.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, bitch?
• 15:45
  Speaker 8: I be so sad, I just go to bed, fuck it, sleep.
• 15:49
  Speaker 8: But no, I'm getting ready for a wedding, y'all, and
• 15:51
  Speaker 8: I'm so excited. Damn, I'm excited.
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: Bitch.
• 15:58
  Speaker 8: Yeah, and it's crazy, because since I've been engaged, I
• 16:01
  Speaker 8: found myself having to hang out with my single friends less. Yeah,
• 16:05
  Speaker 8: you know, because they like to do single bitch shit.
• 16:08
  Speaker 8: You know, and I'm a fiance now, so I can't
• 16:10
  Speaker 8: just be out beating holes with y'all no more.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 16:13
  Speaker 8: They're trying to get me unengaged. Bitch, this nigga gonna
• 16:15
  Speaker 8: unengage me. I keep hanging with you hoes.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: You know, they super hoes.
• 16:19
  Speaker 8: They feel like going to All-Star. I'm like, ah, damn.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: And I wasn't.
• 16:22
  Speaker 8: Used to being a fiance, so they was like, bitch,
• 16:23
  Speaker 8: let's go to All-Star. I was booking a flight. Then
• 16:25
  Speaker 8: I was like, bitch, I can't go to All-Star. This
• 16:27
  Speaker 8: is my first week being a fiance. I can't go
• 16:29
  Speaker 8: to All-Star. I ain't never been a fiance before, but
• 16:32
  Speaker 8: I think I can be an All-Star, you know?
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: And we 40 plus.
• 16:36
  Speaker 8: I'm like, bitch, matter of fact, y'all don't need to
• 16:37
  Speaker 8: be an All-Star either. Bitch, you 40. There's some young,
• 16:41
  Speaker 8: bad bitches at All Star. I'm just gonna tell you that,
• 16:43
  Speaker 8: all right? We don't have Ja Morant Coochie no more, okay? Bitch,
• 16:47
  Speaker 8: we got Horace Grant Coochie. Where that nigga at? Horace Harvey?
• 16:50
  Speaker 8: We need a nigga with goggles. Where that motherfucker at?
• 16:54
  Speaker 8: Where Patrick Ewing at? That's who the fuck, is it
• 16:56
  Speaker 8: like a NBA? Is it like a NBA cigar lounge
• 16:58
  Speaker 8: we could pull up to? Okay, bitch, we got Finger
• 17:02
  Speaker 8: Roll Coochie.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: Where Kareem at?
• 17:03
  Speaker 8: We got Finger Roll Coochie. You can't be with no
• 17:06
  Speaker 8: nigga named Jaden, bitch. You need a George. You need
• 17:09
  Speaker 8: to earl the pearl, you know what I'm saying? Like, bitch,
• 17:11
  Speaker 8: you need to motherfucking earl around this motherfucker. Try to
• 17:14
  Speaker 8: be an all-star. Your motherfucking iron load. Bitch, you're going
• 17:17
  Speaker 8: to be sleepy and cold before the dunk contest. And
• 17:22
  Speaker 8: they get offended. I said, no, it's just the older
• 17:24
  Speaker 8: the better. At 40, you know, shit, wear Dr. J,
• 17:27
  Speaker 8: fuck it. You know, because I'm the belle of the
• 17:28
  Speaker 8: ball in a room full of 70-year-olds. You know, they
• 17:31
  Speaker 8: don't even care about your stomach. They just want to
• 17:32
  Speaker 8: touch something soft, you know?
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: I don't give a fuck.
• 17:35
  Speaker 8: Or maybe a coach.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: Shit.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: We can get a little coach.
• 17:38
  Speaker 8: We need a nigga with a clipboard and high cholesterol.
• 17:41
  Speaker 8: That's more about speed, you know. Compression socks. We need
• 17:45
  Speaker 8: a nigga who round and retired.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: Where Charlie Barkley.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: At, okay?
• 17:48
  Speaker 8: We need a nigga who jersey hanging up. That's who
• 17:51
  Speaker 8: the fuck we need to be looking for, bitch. Old
• 17:53
  Speaker 8: and Paulineese. I don't give a fuck. Where the Globetrotters at?
• 17:56
  Speaker 8: Where the Globetrotters at?
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: Fuck it.
• 17:58
  Speaker 8: Bitch, we got Glitter Bucket Coochie, that's what we got.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: We got.
• 18:05
  Speaker 8: Metal Lark Lemmy, Curly Neal. Where them niggas at? Goddamn,
• 18:09
  Speaker 8: these niggas are playing in soft gym shoes and booty shorts.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Where them motherfuckers at?
• 18:15
  Speaker 8: Bitch, we got AM1 Coochie. Where the fuck is Hot
• 18:18
  Speaker 8: Sauce and Skip to Malou?
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: Where them niggas at, bitch? Where AM1?
• 18:22
  Speaker 8: I'm not saying we don't have Basketball Coochie. I'm just
• 18:24
  Speaker 8: saying we don't have All Star.
• 18:25
  Speaker 10: That's all I'm saying.
• 18:27
  Speaker 8: We need to be at a big three tournament or
• 18:29
  Speaker 8: some shit, you know? What Q, what dough boy at?
• 18:32
  Speaker 8: Somebody get Ice Cube on the phone, fuck it. So yeah,
• 18:37
  Speaker 8: I haven't been hanging out with them. I've been on
• 18:38
  Speaker 8: double dates and shit with my married friends.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Boo, boring, tomato.
• 18:43
  Speaker 8: I hate a double date, ugh. Because anytime, you don't
• 18:46
  Speaker 8: even try, but it just automatically turns into like a
• 18:48
  Speaker 8: little competition, you know? You're not finna outdate me, that's
• 18:52
  Speaker 8: all the fuck I'm saying. I went out to eat
• 18:54
  Speaker 8: with my friend, her husband, me and my fiancee. This
• 18:57
  Speaker 8: bitch gon' kiss her husband on the cheek. Now I
• 19:00
  Speaker 8: got to suck my nigga dick over a sampler platter
• 19:02
  Speaker 8: because what you not finna do is outdate me, okay?
• 19:07
  Speaker 8: I'm dragging him off. Pass me a jalapeno popper, yeah.
• 19:11
  Speaker 8: Just throw it in my mouth, just throw it in
• 19:12
  Speaker 8: my mouth.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 19:14
  Speaker 8: All right, y'all, I gotta go. Let's pass my e-curfew.
• 19:16
  Speaker 8: Have a good night. Thank you.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Just Niche. Just Niche. I can't watch shit like that
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: and not say, that's a goddamn star right there.
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: She said, old and pollen needs pussy.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: That's funny, because if you've ever been to All-Star, there'd
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: be some old hoes in the corner.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: You'd be like, who are.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: They here for?
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Goddamn. Hey, they better go to the hockey All-Stars. This
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: is ridiculous.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: She said Earl the Pearl. We got finger roll pussy.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: That is hilarious. Sky hook pussy. Box them out pussy.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: One more time, Justin Eash, y'all. Fucking hilarious. Keep that
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: same energy up. Keep it up, keep it up, keep
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: it up.
• 20:11
  Speaker 8: Next comedian coming to the stage, this is my motherfucking brother,
• 20:14
  Speaker 8: y'all give it up for Clayton Thomas!
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling great as fuck. First and foremost, if you
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: are a man and you own a cat, you are
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: a lesbian. If you live with your girl, you get
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: a pass. But if you live alone, you need to
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: pick up some pads, because your period is coming, you
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: hear me? All the dudes with cats, fuck this thing, man.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: Talked about that shit in therapy, my boy. I see
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: the look on your face, I know that cat face.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: Women act like that shit is cool too, so they
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: get mad at you. As soon as they get mad
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: at you, the truth come out. The fuck you doing
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: with a bitch ass cat? Get a pit bull like
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: a real man, the fuck? We're gonna make you feel
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: bad as shit, boy. You be in therapy talking about
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: all your shit. If you're in therapy, first of all,
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: nothing but love. Get that shit out. Talk to somebody.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: Don't just keep that shit bottled in. Go to therapy,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: talk to somebody. It's no shame in that shit. Me, myself,
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: I'm scared of Zoom therapy. I'm terrified of that shit.
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be pouring my heart out and
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: I hear somebody in the background like, that's crazy. Who
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: the fuck? Who the fuck is that? Don't worry about them.
• 21:27
  Speaker 10: Them?
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: Put your headphones on, bitch. I don't trust this shit
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: no more. Close your laptop. You got to be fucked
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: up all the way. You understand me? It's harder, too, man,
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: because you go through things in life. I see a
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: lot of couples in here, single ladies in here. Single ladies,
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: let me tell you something. A lot of you guys
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: be singles, grown women here. Don't be single too long.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: A lot of y'all be single too long, and it
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: be like, you know what?
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I'm going to try dating again.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: Shit ain't the same when you've been single more than three,
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: four years because you like shit a certain way now.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Now you go on a date as soon as you
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: come back to the house.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: Coasters, coasters, coasters.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: We don't sit on that couch. You know what? Never mind.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: Have a good night. I thought I was ready. I
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: was not ready. I wish you nothing but the best.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: God bless you and all your... That's what a woman
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: done with you. When they say that shit right there,
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: no matter what you did, you piss her off. You
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: know what? I wish you nothing but the best. God
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: bless you and all your future endeavors. But you my mama.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: I wish you nothing but the best. God bless you
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: and all y'all ain't deaf. It's different, man. Women are
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: funny as fuck, man, because a lot of times when
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: I see a lot of different races in here, women,
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: black and brown, I fucking love y'all. Y'all are amazing.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Y'all are my sisters.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: Y'all are my mama. Y'all are my wife.
• 22:45
  Speaker 6: I love y'all.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Black and brown women, you can never predict their age
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: is what they tell you. They tell you you can't
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: predict their age because they always look young. They can
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: be 60 and look like they 33. I'm going to
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: tell you how you can predict their age right now.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: If you make them laugh, that's the truth. Young girls giggle,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: they do cute shit. Older women be like, ha ha,
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: what the fuck was that? Ha ha, that second ha
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: let you know what the fuck she had in life,
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: you understand? That second ha let me know you got
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: grown grandkids, is what the fuck that was. Ha ha,
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: oh you churn butter, is what you telling me. Oh
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: you make ice cream, ha ha, I know what the
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: fuck that shit is. It's different too, man. You gotta
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: think about what you want. I'll say this separately. I
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: was talking about the gay thing earlier. Nothing but love
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: to the LGBTQ of you in here. Always be yourself.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Don't ever hide. Don't ever think that people's opinion of
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: you matter. Keep being who the fuck you are no
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: matter what.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Okay? That's what love and respect.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: What I will say is I miss when the coming
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: out speeches were shocking. Remember when the coming out speeches
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: used to shock the shit out of you? You'd be
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: at dinner and a family member's like, hey, everybody, I
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: just want to tell y'all I'm out here sucking dick.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: You out here sucking dick?
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, I love you no matter what. I would
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: never just, that just.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: Shocked the fucker. You sucking dick. I never would have
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: seen that shit coming. Nowadays, people doing the coming out
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: speech and I saw it coming. You know what I'm
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: talking about? Friends ain't even shocking no more. They start
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: the speech, y'all. So, I want to tell y'all. I'm
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: sucking dick.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: We know!
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: You've been my cousins forever. I knew. You've been wearing
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: heels since we was 10. I knew what the fuck
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: it was. Then you got the girl cousin like, hey,
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: I just want to tell everybody I like girls. Duh,
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: your voice deeper than mine. The fuck are you talking about?
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: Be yourself. You got to change these coming out speeches, man.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Shit is different.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: I will say this in closing. I've been trying to
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: decide what I wanted to close with this whole time
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: because this is such a great show and I've made
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: the decision to tell you about my mom. My mom
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: is 65. I love my mom. She is My heart,
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: she's an amazing woman.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: She's single.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: Y'all gotta listen. Because y'all don't know what the fuck
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: I'm about to say. She's a sweetheart, she's single, she's 65.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: I know she's single because she don't suck dick.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Let's back up.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: So, now you're wondering, how the fuck you know your
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: mama don't suck dick? I'm gonna tell you, when I
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: was 14, we had DirecTV installed illegally, and when you
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: get DirecTV installed, you gotta go channel by channel. So
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: he goes to one channel, there's a porn channel, and
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: this woman was sucking this dude's dick. My mom was like, ah!
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: That is so nasty. I would never. And at the time,
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: I was like, yay, my mom don't suck dick. I
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: can trust her kisses. Because you know, before you start fucking,
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: you trust your mama kisses all day. You be like, mm,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: kiss from mom. Soon as you start fucking and she
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: kiss you, you like, ah, ah! The fuck is this?
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: Your daddy come out the room.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Motherfucker!
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: Thank y'all, man, appreciate it.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Let me get all my comments back to the stage.
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: Y'all make some noise for the comments that you.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Saw on this episode. Clayton Thomas, Antoine Scott, Martin Amini,
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: and Just Niche. And I've been Nate Jackson, man. I
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: hope you had a ball. I sure did. We'll see
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: y'all next week.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Super Funny Comedy Jam live from Tacoma, Washington!
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you.