Latest / The Good People Project: Kindness, Service & Community / Mentoring Young Women in Tech: The Quiet Work of Showing Up | The Good People Project
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- She stared at the code on her screen, but she wasn't seeing syntax. She was seeing a door that had been locked for thirty years, and she was wondering if she even had the right key to open it. Let’s get real about what it costs to care. I’m talking about the cost that doesn’t show up on a balance sheet. It’s the weight of being the only one in the room who looks like you, feels like you, or perhaps just understands the specific kind of exhaustion that comes from having to explain your existence before you can explain your idea. We talk a lot about breaking glass ceilings, don’t we? It’s a powerful image. Shattering something hard, loud, and permanent. But lately, I’ve been thinking less about the shattering and more about the silence that follows. That quiet, terrifying moment when the dust settles, and you’re standing there, alone, with all these expectations resting on your shoulders. And I think about the young women entering tech fields right now. Not just coding, but leading, designing, building. They are walking into rooms where the air is thin, where the history is written by people who didn’t imagine them there. And they are carrying this invisible backpack full of doubts, fears, and questions no one else can see. We have been sold a story that says if you work hard enough, if you learn the languages of logic and machines, you will be heard. But let’s look closer. Let’s look at the mentorship gap. It’s not just about finding someone to teach you how to debug a script. It’s about finding someone who knows how to navigate the politics of a boardroom where your voice might be interrupted three times before you finish your first sentence. It’s about finding someone who can whisper, 'That wasn’t a bug in the system; that was a feature of bias,' so you don’t start believing you’re the broken part. When I think about mentoring young women in male-dominated spaces, I realize it’s not really about technical skills. Any senior engineer can teach Python. But can they teach you how to hold your ground when you’re being talked over? Can they teach you how to trust your gut when every data point seems to suggest you should shrink back down? This is the quiet work of showing up. It’s showing up not as a savior, but as a witness. As someone who sees the struggle and validates it without trying to fix it immediately. I remember sitting with a young woman named Elena last year. She was twenty-four, brilliant, and terrified. She had just been promoted to a lead role in a startup that prided itself on innovation, yet she felt more isolated than ever. We met for coffee, which is my preferred venue for truth-telling because the caffeine helps, and the setting is informal. She told me she felt like an imposter in her own skin. Not because she couldn’t do the job, but because she felt she had to perform a version of herself that was palatable to men who had known her for ten minutes. I asked her, 'What does safety feel like to you?' She paused. She said, 'It feels like being allowed to be messy.' To be confused. To ask stupid questions without fear of judgment. That’s the gift of true mentorship. It’s creating a space where imperfection is not just tolerated, but celebrated as part of the learning process. Because here’s the thing: perfection is a wall. It keeps people out. Vulnerability is a door. It lets community in. Where does this land in your spirit? When you think about the younger women in your life, whether they are your daughters, your nieces, your junior colleagues, or just friends who are navigating their own paths through difficult industries. What do they need most? Often, we rush to give advice. We want to hand them a map. But maybe they don’t need a map. Maybe they need a compass. A compass doesn’t tell you where to go; it tells you which direction is north. It gives you a reference point when you feel lost. In tech, that reference point might be your values. Your integrity. Your sense of humor. The ability to laugh at the absurdity of corporate jargon while still delivering excellence. Mentoring is about helping them find their own north, not dragging them along your old path. Because your path is yours. Theirs is theirs. And theirs will look different, and better, and more expansive than anything we could have imagined twenty years ago. We also have to talk about the danger of performative allyship. It’s easy to post a quote about women in STEM on LinkedIn. It’s easy to attend a panel and nod thoughtfully. But it’s hard to sit in a meeting and call out a microaggression when it happens. It’s hard to use your privilege to amplify a voice that is being drowned out. True mentorship requires courage. It requires you to risk comfort. To risk being the person who makes things awkward so that others can make things better. This is where the ache comes in. It’s painful to watch talented women get sidelined, overlooked, or exhausted by emotional labor that isn’t in their job description. But it’s also inspiring. I see women stepping up, not just for themselves, but for the ones coming behind them. They are building ladders instead of climbing walls. They are leaving notes in the breakroom saying, 'You belong here.' These small acts accumulate. They create a culture shift that is slower than we’d like, but deeper and more lasting than any policy change ever could be. Let’s talk about sustainability. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and you cannot mentor effectively if you are burnt out. So many women in leadership positions try to carry the weight of representation for everyone. They say yes to every committee, every speaking engagement, every informal counseling session. And then they collapse. Radical empathy includes boundaries. It means knowing when to step back so you can stay in the game longer. It means teaching the next generation that rest is resistance. That taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is strategic. If you burn out, who will be there to hold the door open for the next person? Consistent presence matters more than grand gestures. A weekly check-in is worth more than a once-a-year keynote speech. Listening deeply is worth more than giving unsolicited advice. The quiet work of showing up, week after week, month after month, builds trust. And trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship, whether it’s between mentors and mentees, or between neighbors in a community garden. So, as we move forward, I invite you to think about your own role in this ecosystem. Maybe you are already a mentor. Maybe you are still figuring out who you are, and you need a mentor. Either way, you are part of this chain. You are part of the lineage of women who refused to quit. Who looked at the closed doors and found the windows. Who built tables where there were none. And now, it is our turn to pull up chairs for others. It is our turn to share the stories, the failures, the lessons learned the hard way. Because the goal isn’t just to help women survive in male-dominated fields. The goal is to help them thrive. To help them rewrite the rules. To help them build systems that are inclusive, equitable, and human-centered from the ground up. This is the good work. This is the work that heals. And it starts with us, right here, right now, choosing to see each other. Thank you for letting me into your day. For listening with such an open heart. Remember, you are not alone in this. We are in it together. Take good care of yourself, and take good care of each other. I’ll be right here next time.