Latest / Petty and Unbothered / #3 - TV talk, Gaslighting therapy, and Fake death
Transcript
- Tita Lors: all, welcome to Petty and Unbothered. I'm your host, Lora aka Tita Lors here to bring some therapy insight and permission to be petty if you want to. Not that you ever need permission. And here with me is my lovely co-host, Robin. Robin Axline: Hi, I'm Robin and I'm bringing chaos, vibes, lived experience, we both love growth and we also love a minor grudge. A little something about myself, I'm a creative multi-hyphenate improviser and ready for all the randomness. Tita Lors: I so many ⁓ follow-up After recording last time, I was like, what about this, or what about that, or what about this, or what about that? ⁓ But let's start with, how are you doing? ⁓ Robin Axline: I'm doing great, actually. It's been a fun week for me. ⁓ Just trying a few different things. I joined a pickleball group at the gym. It's been really fun. And yesterday I started a new improv class. So taking a new advanced one is really fun so far. It's yeah, that's a different we'll get into that another day. Yeah, but these are just new stuff for me this week and I'm feeling pretty good. What about yourself? Tita Lors: ⁓ okay, never mind. Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: After recording last week, I, so sometimes I'll have my ⁓ I'll let them know, ⁓ after this session, it's a pretty big session, you might have some aftershock or an emotional hangover or something, whatever. I wasn't expecting to feel that ⁓ our recording. Did you feel anything like that? Robin Axline: ⁓ yeah, I did feel like I needed to decompress a bit and just, yeah. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah, we're not not in a bad way at all, right? Like I just actually ended up texting some friends. I went down a rabbit hole. I'm like, what's what is the pettiest thing I've ever done? Or like, what are petty things that I do? What kind of petty am I? And I ended up texting my friends and I was like, what's the pettiest thing that you've ever heard me say or do? And no one could come up with anything, which was, I guess I'm actually really happy about or proud of that nobody actually thinks I'm that petty. ⁓ But everyone, for the most part, agreed that ⁓ I'm of a very, what is it, like sassy, and I clap back a lot of people. Which I guess is my kind of Thank you. Yeah. Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think you're really talented at some of that. You're always like the one that I'll tell a story to and then you're like, ⁓ well, why didn't I like I would just said this and I'm like, ⁓ like, yeah, that would have been perfect in that moment. Tita Lors: you Yeah, so I was just like, okay, I guess there could be some pettiness in that. Maybe that's why I find it like, or I think I'm a lot more petty than I maybe really am. But yeah, so kind of also got me thinking about like, Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Tita Lors: why we want to celebrate pettiness so much? why, why do we like it so much? Robin Axline: I think it just ⁓ brings a flavor to our lives that's different than just the monotony of everyday boring. And it kind of actually brings out, ⁓ I would say some truth too. Like, cause it's what you're really feeling, but if you especially express it outwardly, it might not be the healthiest sometimes, but sometimes it could possibly. resolve or start a conversation. Tita Lors: Ooh, yeah, yeah. I think I like pettiness a lot because of how like, how it's just so zingy. Sometimes people deserve it too, right? When people get put in their place ⁓ or when people get just corrected in a moment. ⁓ That's what I like so much about pettiness. It's like, I'm not directly... Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Totally. Tita Lors: hurting you, although some people's pettiness can be very hurtful. But like the zingy, like the clap back type of stuff, And I think some people do ⁓ genuinely deserve when people are towards them or for people to be just a little bit meaner. ⁓ Robin Axline: Yeah. Yeah, because some people kind of go through life thinking they can treat people a certain way and they kind of need a, you know, hold on. Think about what you've done. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah, Yep, for sure. Which brings me to, ⁓ remember last week we were talking about traumatize them back? Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Tita Lors: So I found a few things ⁓ and I wanted you to see them. Or I was gonna read it to you, hold on. Okay, so I went on Reddit to see if there was anything on Reddit and there's a whole subreddit about Traumatize Them Back. But I think my favorite, my favorite ones so far are on Instagram. ⁓ Because there's like a few Robin Axline: ⁓ Tita Lors: where the girls are like, you know, have you all noticed that instead of crying over men, we're just starting to act like them? So we're just traumatizing them back, you know? And I found a couple today that I wanted to read to you. Are you ready? Robin Axline: I would love to hear. Let's go. Tita Lors: Okay, okay. Alright, so this is a screenshot of a text thread where the guy's like, the guy says, you would look hot with blonde hair. And the girl says, you would look hot if you grew a few inches. She's not done yet. It gets better. That's not fair. I can't control my height. Robin Axline: Okay. ⁓ Tita Lors: I wasn't talking about your height. Robin Axline: Wow. Tita Lors: Yeah, right? ⁓ I love that one so much. It hurts for that person. I'm sure it does. Okay, and then there's another one. ⁓ It's so funny. ⁓ This on this person's Instagram, they put, sometimes you just got to give the man back to his mom and leave like his dad did. Robin Axline: Oooooh! Tita Lors: It's so hurtful. Yeah, it is. It's so brutal. It's so painful. I feel really bad for this person, but at the same time, if someone's this to you, what did you do? Robin Axline: Whoa! That one's kind of brutal. Mm-hmm. Right. Absolutely. Like, there's got to be more to it. Tita Lors: Exactly, had to have, something had to have transpired that this person wants to talk to you this way. Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely. And it's I feel like both of these are kind of like what you were saying about ⁓ someone who's female presenting in a relationship taking the reins a bit instead of just getting upset or crying about it. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And also just as, you know, female presenting people, think we're treated a very specific way and expected to act a very specific way. And it hasn't been until recently where we're giving ourselves permission to to treat men the way that we have been treated in the past. Robin Axline: Amen. Tita Lors: Yeah, and I love to see it. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, same, same. Yeah, those were good ones. Tita Lors: Yeah. Right? I also have a whole story later if you want to hear it, but what are you watching this week? Robin Axline: Oof. Man, what am I watching? I... ⁓ man, I might need to get into this in another episode because I've got so much to say. But I finally finished up The Traders and talk about peak pettiness. It's a reality competition show hosted by Sir Ellen Cumming. Tita Lors: Hahaha Is it kind of like, I feel like there's a lot that are like this show where some similar to the mole Robin Axline: Yeah, it's kind of in that realm. ⁓ There's Faithfuls and then there's a Traitor or two. And basically it's like a whodunit thing, but people get eliminated as it goes. it's got different people from different reality shows. So they all have different ⁓ strengths and weaknesses. There's some people from Survivor and ⁓ Bachelor Nation and all kinds of stuff. Tita Lors: Okay. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Robin Axline: It's definitely, definitely sucks you in. So, yeah. Tita Lors: ⁓ what's the what's the pettiest thing that you like about the show? Robin Axline: ⁓ man, think ⁓ sometimes when people kind of have these private conversations in different rooms and then they start coming up with reasons why they think this person might be a traitor and it's just like these little quirks that they have or like they're non-conclusive things but they're like, ⁓ yeah, this person does this and so they kind of like pick at people and it's just really fun to watch. Tita Lors: you Robin Axline: Yeah. And they, yeah, especially when they form alliances and then they find out when, ⁓ who they thought they trusted are not. It's really funny to watch. Fair, yeah. Yep, yeah, pretty much, yeah. And this one too, ⁓ multiple people can win, like get to the end, but if you don't catch the traitor, that is. Otherwise the traitor's gonna win. And I'm not gonna spoil it right now, so just in case anybody hasn't finished it. Tita Lors: I see. Okay. All right, fair enough. Have you seen what's in the box? Robin Axline: No, haven't seen that one. ⁓ Tita Lors: it's new. It just came out recently. ⁓ Neil Patrick Harris is the host. yeah, and so they're just like a group of people. It's like teams of two and they compete to figure out what's in each box and each box has this massive, amazing prize in it. And there's a point where like once all of the boxes are opened, whoever has the most. ⁓ Robin Axline: Okay. I would love him. Tita Lors: prizes wins or something I'm sure there's more to it than that I might be like I know significantly I Know down not telling enough of the story Yeah, it did yeah, and it's it's so good that like people do form alliances, and it's one of the few shows where there is there's Robin Axline: Well, just dropped, right? So, yeah. Tita Lors: breaks an alliance and says something that he regrets. I'm like immediately after he said it I was like no one even cares that you broke the alliance but everyone cares how you did it and what you said because my guy it's not okay to say that it's so entitled it's so crazy yeah I couldn't stop talking about it the entire time ⁓ Robin Axline: Nice. I gotta, I gotta peep that one. That sounds interesting. Yeah. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You definitely should. It's so good. Yeah. Okay. So I'm asking because there's two shows that are on my mind right now, and it's Love is Blind and The Pit. Are you watching either of those? Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. ⁓ No, I'm so sorry. I will catch up, I promise. Tita Lors: No, it's okay. No, it's okay. We won't get into it right now. It's totally fine. I figured we could do that eventually, like after the reunion comes out. But, ⁓ I have so many talking points. ⁓ So I'm gonna answer a question that I asked you earlier about like what's my favorite. petty thing about Love is Blind, because I haven't finished the pit yet. I do love that show though. So my favorite petty thing about Love is Blind is that when people say no at the altar, Robin Axline: ⁓ okay. Tita Lors: Yeah, like you could have just you knew you were going to say no. You had to have known that you were going to say no at the altar. Why? Why? Why come all the way up to the altar? It's so unnecessary to put people through that. But this season, one person did it and it was so beautifully done. And. I was worried that she was going to say yes for a second, but the the way she said no. at the altar was so amazing and so great. Definitely put somebody. I don't think he felt like he was put in place, but he definitely got called out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And pointed out some red flags, areas of growth for the homie. Not that he, not that he sees it as an area of growth. Yeah, no. He's like, ⁓ you're crazy. Robin Axline: She's like advocated for herself. ⁓ was gonna take that advice or... Of course. Tita Lors: Okay. Robin Axline: Dang, I gotta get on that then, it sounds like a one. Tita Lors: Mm Yeah, it's the show is so the first season, I think, was so good because it genuinely was about like strangers who have never seen each other and seeing where that could take you. And nobody understood the premise of it. And it's never been done before. But now. don't know. It's not. It's not as great anymore as the first maybe season or two, because almost feels like. Robin Axline: Yeah, that's I think that's the thing is once these things take off and people start to see the celebrity aspect of it. Unfortunately, a lot of people kind of use it for like you were saying, clout or kind of the next next move up. I noticed that in some realities that I've watched where they're just kind of using it for themselves and it's not really the gameplay or finding somebody. Tita Lors: Yeah, that's the sucky part about when when things are like, what's about love, right? Because this is people's actual real real lives. It's not pretend. And I think a lot of people say that on multiple seasons. This is my real real life. And you're fucking with my life because you want to play a game or you're not. You didn't know for sure you wanted to do this or not, you know, or you weren't in it for the right reasons. But I was. Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Tita Lors: So it's usually the girl who says that. Robin Axline: Yeah, couldn't, yeah. Unfortunately. Yeah. Tita Lors: Yeah. So would you ever do a show like that? Like, let's say you weren't happily married. Would you have ever gone on Love is Blind? Robin Axline: Okay. I would have to say no. That's like a big no. I don't think I need that kind of vulnerability on television. I think I would truly want to ⁓ play it real and try to find somebody, but there's just unfortunately so many variables and I don't think I could handle it. ⁓ How about yourself? Tita Lors: I think I would do it just for the plot. Yeah. Robin Axline: Hmm, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, it is kind of tempting. ⁓ Tita Lors: Yeah, do it for the plot to see. Like a lot of people are like, I don't think I'm actually going to find anything here. And I think I would go into it with that kind of mentality. Like, what is this all about? I everyone keeps saying that it actually works. I don't believe you. But look like it, you know, because dating in real life, especially in my 20s, my like to late 20s was awful. Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Tita Lors: And I'm hearing a lot about the dating world right now and it sounds horrendous. So if I was single right now living what everybody else is living, I might do it. Robin Axline: Yeah, I mean, that's a really salient point, actually, because why not at this point? You hear so many horror stories. Tita Lors: Right? It's not working in real life. Yeah, it's awful. Nothing's working in real life. Why not try this? Something different. Yeah. Robin Axline: Yeah. Sure. ⁓ man, that is, that's rough. mean, besides like a personality thing, having a sense of humor, of course. ⁓ And I used to think a big part was your family, like how... ⁓ like if you have like a healthy family life kind of thing and I've kind of moved on from that's not really a top priority. ⁓ But I would say I would need to know if you're a person who can adapt and change over time, who can ⁓ zoom out and look at themselves comfortably and ⁓ compromise. Like if there's something small that they could ⁓ listen to the other person and also express themselves is really important. ⁓ Also, like, I mean, looks, I would say I'd kind of want to know some like, especially actually rewind. I really just want somebody that would take care of themselves. So I think fitness and Tita Lors: Hahaha! Robin Axline: like healthy eating choices kind of play into that. And I think I'd kind of want to know that because I feel like that kind of equates somewhat to how you value yourself in a way. ⁓ so basically just a healthy mindset. I'm not crazy about what, if you're six foot one or, ⁓ how jacked you are, but you know, I mean, that's nice to know as well, but not a make or break situation. So I mostly, feel like it's mostly just kind of ⁓ inside stuff for me. Like how you are as a person is really ⁓ core to values for me, so. Tita Lors: you Yeah, yeah, no, those are really great answers. ⁓ my gosh, it's way better than my answers, I think. Yeah, no, I love that. That is great. I was going to say kids. I hope that we were on the same page like before, right? Ever. Robin Axline: I hope that's a good enough answer. ⁓ ⁓ huh. Yeah, I kind of neglected that one. Yeah, that one too. Absolutely. Tita Lors: And then there's people like me, all the Filipinos out there, who have, right? Yeah, like it's me, exactly, my family, my titas, my titos, great whatever on that side. This person, that's not really family, but essentially we grow up and we're family, right? So it's really big and community oriented. And bringing those types of families together, it can be a lot. And also the mindset of those Robin Axline: ⁓ yeah. Represent, Tita Lors: to people not that it's impossible but it's just a different mindset and and I think more importantly how then do we take our two ideas of what family looks like when it comes to our own family together what is that going to look like how is that going to be shaped if you know if I want my family to Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, true. Those are good ones. Yeah. Tita Lors: Right? Because if we're on opposite ends of the spectrum there, I don't know, Holmes. That might not work. Robin Axline: No, that's a good one too. Yeah. ⁓ Openness to how you want to live your life. Absolutely. Yeah. Tita Lors: Yeah, and then financial situation because is very stressful. Yeah, right, and so if you're going into a relationship ⁓ you are unaware of somebody's financial situation and it's dire, ⁓ might be problematic. Robin Axline: ⁓ yeah. 100%. I mean, that's, I think it's up there on the ⁓ reasons why marriages don't work is the finances. So yeah. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah, right. And not just like, I didn't know what your financial situation was, but are we even on the same page of how we manage our finances and what's important to spend money on and not spend. Robin Axline: Right. Right? Yeah, like priorities. Yeah. I really like those answers. God, I feel like I've been schooled a bit, but yeah. ⁓ Tita Lors: Alright. Oh no! I love your answers! was like, oh those are so thoughtful and emotional and like... important. Those are really important things! I'm like, what the hell? I'm a therapist! What's wrong with me? Yeah, I so too. Yay. With our powers combined. Robin Axline: I think we covered like the whole spectrum between the two of us. So brilliant. Good job us. Yep. Yep. Tita Lors: Uh-huh. All right, so I have two stories for you. One of them is, you know, returning back to, we never read it, it's the, therapy gaslighting? I really want to hear your thoughts on that. Robin Axline: Go. Tita Lors: And then a new story to explore is around the whole traumatize them back ⁓ situation where the person says, ignore my basic health needs. I'll accidentally fake my own death. Robin Axline: ⁓ what? My mind is like, ⁓ how do I? Yeah, I'm. ⁓ Tita Lors: I know, it's so interesting. They're both really interesting. Or I could just read both of them. We're, yeah. And see where we go. Robin Axline: I mean, yeah, for sure. I think we were going to tackle the gaslighting one, but ⁓ that other one is like, what? Tita Lors: Okay. Right? So let's what do you think? Is therapy, as somebody who's been to therapy, and I've also been to therapy, do you think that therapy is gaslighting? Robin Axline: I mean, no, I think maybe if you just had a really bad therapy situation and your therapist sucked, then they could probably tell you some pretty bad stuff. But not in my experience. I'd say totally the opposite. Yeah. Tita Lors: Yeah, they, so here's the full title. It says, is therapy just gaslighting us into accepting systemic failure? Robin Axline: Okay. Hmm. ⁓ Oof, that's tough, because I really honestly though feel like it gives you like the tools to ⁓ work through some of that. And yes, maybe accept it, but not ⁓ live your life according to that. So no, yeah. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I don't, I'm biased, I'm a therapist, it was an interesting thing for me to think about ⁓ because... Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: I I can see how people might get to that place, especially with everything that's happening in the world, where it's like, well, you can't change it. It is what it is. So what you can do about it. I can see how that can feel very gaslighty ⁓ for some people. So this was an interesting one for me to come across. OK, I'm going to get into it. And if you have thoughts, ⁓ free to interrupt. ⁓ Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. All right. Tita Lors: Okay, so it's by sad underscore mobile 3941. Yeah, I wonder if this is the one that he was or this person. ⁓ yeah, he is he was given or if that's specifically right what they chose. It'd be interesting. ⁓ The one that I was given, I was like, ⁓ no, not doing that. That's weird. Robin Axline: Sick name. Yeah. Tita Lors: Okay, here we go. Hi everyone, 31 male here. I've always been pro therapy and have been in it for three years. But lately, I've started feeling conflicted about the whole process. Most of my current mental health struggles stem from a clear material reality. Despite having a master's degree and a good job, I can't afford my own rent. I've had to move back in with my dysfunctional family. which is taking a huge toll on me. When I brought this up, my therapist's response was, simplified, you need to be more adaptable. Try finding a room in a shared apartment. She then started digging into my inability to compromise. This left a sour taste in my mouth. Is it really a personal failure to adapt or is it systemic failure? that 30 to 35 year olds can't afford basic independence. I feel like my anger is a perfectly sane response to an insane situation. By telling me to just adapt, it feels like therapy is shifting the blame onto me for a societal crisis I didn't create. It feels like therapy is becoming a tool to help us endure a toxic society without ever questioning the environment itself. So they ask, has anyone else felt that therapy individualizes what are clearly social and economic problems? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Robin Axline: Well, that, I mean, that brings about so many questions. mean, there's, could, we could go way into the systematic element of it. ⁓ yeah, I think it goes back to when I was saying the tools for one. Yeah. I mean, to endure those types of things, unfortunately. ⁓ personally, I've had. Tita Lors: Yeah. Mm-hmm, yeah. Robin Axline: good experiences in therapy where my ⁓ person was very pro what I was saying about the systematic things that caused a issue in my life kind of thing. Like, yes, that is horrible and that shouldn't happen. And had actually their own thoughts sometimes. And that felt validating to me. ⁓ but it doesn't sound like that therapist maybe did that step. Yeah. yeah, I mean, that shit is real. ⁓ Yeah, I've had experiences ⁓ where in between life chapters, I had to briefly move back in with my parents and that was not ⁓ part of my plan. But it happens. So I really felt that I was. ⁓ yeah, it wasn't a good time for me, but. Tita Lors: you Robin Axline: it's real, especially in our generation, feel like, unfortunately, that happens to a lot of us. So, yeah. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah, it's rough. And I find myself saying a lot, like in this economy, you know, and I have a lot of people who Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: don't necessarily enjoy their jobs and want to move on to something different, but there's a lot of fear that that's just the most impossible thing to do right now because of this economy, right, and the state of the world. And it just feels really scary. And I feel so sad that... Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Man, just hearing more of their side, I was like, ⁓ no. I mean, I quickly was like, no, you know, but I can see, I can see where they're coming from, but honestly, I still am gonna stick by my original no. Tita Lors: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, same, same. ⁓ I definitely see where they're getting at and why they feel that way, even from a therapist perspective. I think if a client were to say, like, you're just trying to get me to accept what's happening in the world, right? I might agree. Right? I might say, No, go ahead. Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ you know, yeah. No, go ahead. I was just going to say real quick, ⁓ with sometimes in therapy, you moved on from that particular person too, and you might need to find a new therapist. You know, like they're just not ⁓ on the same page as you and that's there's nothing wrong with that. So. Tita Lors: Yeah, very true. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, it's 100%. I love that. I love calling that out, too, with clients who don't want to move on. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's just literally time. Tita Lors: Yeah, I did that recently with my own therapist of just like, I don't... I don't know. This is not working for me. Yeah, I used the excuse of like, the economy. Robin Axline: Ha ha ha. Hey, I think it works for a lot of things. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah. And it was true. It was true because the government had shut down. you know, certain paychecks weren't coming in ⁓ and we had to scale back. And sometimes, sadly, I think where especially women scale back, the first place women scale back is taking care of themselves. ⁓ Right. Yeah. Our moms, especially. ⁓ So, of course, my scale back was therapy. Robin Axline: Yup. ⁓ so unfortunate. I mean, that's like, literal, like, help right there. So, yeah. I mean, honestly, like I had ⁓ to change health insurance, it goes back to the systematic thing of it all. ⁓ And my therapist was just so gracious in helping me through that transition, because they didn't take the new insurance. And so we just had to figure something out until they were able to. But in between they were just so wonderful about doing a sliding scale with me and just understood how brutal it is out there with insurance of it all. Tita Lors: Yeah, I'm so happy your therapist was able to do that for you. That's so amazing. Yeah, ⁓ also that you ⁓ not enough people ask, I think. They just accept that this is the system ⁓ for you to be like, okay, get that this is the system, but can we do anything about it? ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ yay. ⁓ Robin Axline: Me too. Mm-hmm. Yeah, to be fair, they actually kind of offered it up, which was like really kind of mind. I mean, I just said the situation and they're like, hey, you know, I don't want to lose you as a client, so let's do something about it. So. Tita Lors: Yeah. ⁓ yay. I love that. Yeah. And also, I think a lot more therapists would do, a lot more therapists do that than people know. ⁓ Some people will just be like, ⁓ I can't afford it anymore. So we're not going to. ⁓ And so without having that conversation that you had, then there was no space to offer that either. Robin Axline: Yeah. Yep. Tita Lors: here's what I wrote down in like a response to try to figure out my thoughts about what they were saying. So ⁓ I said that. that maybe one of the roles of a therapist is to pull focus back to what is in your control and what or how you can affect meaningful changes in your life. ⁓ It is wild that the current state of the world makes it difficult for people with higher education to find financial stability. And it is upsetting that there are many injustices happening in the world at the moment. Unfortunately, the therapist room isn't the place where these issues get resolved. It is where we process through what you're feeling and explore strategies for you to navigate these feelings as they come up and strategies to navigate living within the dysfunction. sometimes it means sitting with the big feelings that come up ⁓ having to lower your expectations ⁓ slowly move in the direction of your life you want to for yourself. mentioned earlier, it feels like therapy is becoming a tool to help us endure a toxic society without ever questioning the environment itself. I might amend that to say that it is a tool to help endure the current toxic society while we question the environment itself ⁓ consider how we want or are able to make meaningful changes. Robin Axline: Hmm. Well said. Tita Lors: Thank you. Robin Axline: Yeah. I feel like that really tied into what we were just talking about. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah, you, a lot of things you also brought up yourself too, right? Where you said it's a place to get strategies to deal with what's happening. Robin Axline: So. ⁓ yeah. That's all you can do. It's like, ⁓ the things you can't control. So. Tita Lors: Mm hmm. Yeah. All right. A bit of a downer, but like a thought, a thinker at the same time. Are you ready for ⁓ the next one? Robin Axline: Ha! Yeah. ⁓ yeah, let's go. I'm excited. Let's go. I just can't wait. Tita Lors: Okay, let me find it because that one was really funny. ⁓ Robin Axline: We just got into like real talk and then we'll do an out of the box one. Tita Lors: So this is from the subreddit r slash traumatized them back. The other one was other one from the other one was r slash ask therapist. All right. So. This is from Proud Dash Canadian Dash for Life. Robin Axline: Mm. Tita Lors: They definitely chose this one. Robin Axline: Incredible. Incredible. It almost fell out of my chair. Okay. Tita Lors: Okay, so like I said earlier, this one's called, Ignore My Basic Health Needs, I'll Accidentally Fake My Own Death. the time, I think I was eight or nine with an actual passion for school. So one Tuesday, I started feeling nauseous. I couldn't even walk in a straight line as I was tumbling and knocking things over. My parents brushed me off as being dramatic. although I would have no motive to avoid school on that day. After a lot of arguing, not very well on my side due to the circumstances, they just dismissed me to go to take a bath and aggressively insisted that they get me to school for second period no matter what. I struggled my way to the top of the stairs and to the bathroom. I turned on the water and let the water build up to a comfortable level and then slid myself halfway in before pulling back out. The movement of the water was just making me more nauseous. Don't know why, but maybe related to my seasickness. That's tough. put my bathrobe on and told my mom that I couldn't bathe as it was making me feel so much worse. But she framed it as, you're just trying to avoid going to school. I'm not that stupid. Insert person's name. But nice try. You can see where this is headed. I went back to the tub, snot crying at this point and just half-mindedly jumped in. Cue the vomit. Anyways, this isn't a pleasant scene and I passed out from all the stress. Robin Axline: Hmm. Tita Lors: I woke up to my mom screaming in the hallway, half conscious of my surroundings. My older sister was oogling me, ogling? Ogling me as if I grew a tail and my dad was running up the stairs. So it turns out I hadn't woken up from my mom's first round of screams, so she thought I was dead. I think she came in after not hearing from me in a while and just saw me laying there. Robin Axline: Uggling. Tita Lors: My sister ran over to help comfort my mom, but honestly, she had it coming for her. don't ignore health issues in small children, especially if you don't suspect any motive. Needless to say, I did not get that second class or any more on that day. So. Robin Axline: Whoa. I don't know. The first thing that came to me was like child abuse. Like what? Yeah. And then, you know, I was thinking like I've had vertigo before. It sounded a little bit like that, perhaps, but I don't know what else was. I hope that they had him checked out after that. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah, there's a lot of... Right? Yeah, or she actually, I have no idea. There's no... Robin Axline: I'm glad he's okay. Tita Lors: Yeah, but whatever, regardless of gender, right? Like, that's crazy. Robin Axline: Yeah, and also just to add to that, it's really disturbing that it took the mom to think that he was, or they were dead to do anything different. Like why was she screaming? Anyway, that's my hot take. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah, seriously. Yeah, no, mean, I 100 % agree with you. think, I know they, it's not necessarily intentionally petty, but I think it's hilarious that her natural consequence, right, like, for not taking care of her kid or not really checking in to make sure her kid was okay, was she had to walk in on a scene where she thought her kid was dead. Robin Axline: 100%. Yeah, that's pretty petty. I mean, like, like they're saying they were a small child, it's unclear how old they were. yeah. ⁓ eight or nine. My bad. Yeah. So. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah. ⁓ Yeah. Eight or nine. Yeah. Yeah, right. I. Man, I OK. In the comments, there was a lot it was there was a shockingly large amount of comments from people whose parents were nurses. Where they were like, yeah, man. My parent was a nurse and I didn't go to the hospital unless I literally was knocking on death's door. It's shocking because if they weren't running an absurdly high fever or throwing up or like if there wasn't something else that looked legitimately wrong, then they just wouldn't take them to the hospital for one reason or another. I was like, ⁓ yeah, you guys, it's called medical negligence. Even though you're a nurse. Robin Axline: They do not know everything. I mean, come on now. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, second opinion, you know, I I definitely I know I'm filipino but I'm not a nurse. I don't know anything about that stuff. And so when when the girls are telling me something's wrong, I'm like, even if I don't believe them, I'll be like, OK, well, let's your temperature anyways. You know, let me can you move that body part that allegedly is broken? Right. Like, you know. Robin Axline: Yeah, no, that's, I mean, that's showing care for your own child that maybe they just need that in the first place. Tita Lors: Yeah, like some additional something or another whatever like my big ⁓ her her big that she right now ⁓ is my brain is on fire. Robin Axline: Yeah. Hmm Tita Lors: Yeah, and I'm all like, you have a headache? Is that what you mean? And I'm I don't immediately run and go get her medication because that's what happened to me. Every like every little thing was a trip to the hospital. So I'm on the flip side of this. So every literally everything we would go to the hospital all the time. And I was like, I don't I really don't think I need to go to the hospital. It's fine. It's just a fever. Robin Axline: No. Yeah. Tita Lors: Just leave me to die in the bed. ⁓ But, you know, I'll still check. I'll check her test. Sometimes I think she's being dramatic. Sometimes I think that maybe she's over describing it, but she's also a kid. Kids don't lie about stuff like that. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, and I was actually gonna say it's pretty awesome that she expresses that too, because I don't think a lot of children can even like verbally get that out. Tita Lors: Yeah, and she's five. So I'm impressed that she even came up with that, because I never said it to her. So I'm impressed that she was able to say, oh, my brain is on fire. Oh, that sounds scary. Let's do something about that. Robin Axline: Right? Right. Yeah. My personal experience was like maybe more towards the writer's story where it had to be something like really crazy to do something about it. So I felt like I was one of those kids that like didn't even if my brain was on fire, didn't say I just kept it to myself. So it was yeah, kind of the opposite and like very few hospital visits. Tita Lors: Yeah, somewhere in the middle parents, somewhere in the middle. Yeah, come on. I know, can we meet in the middle? Exactly. So you don't have to walk in and potentially believe that your kid is dying. It should not take that. your kid. Seriously. Robin Axline: Yeah, somewhere in the middle, come on. I know you can do it millennial parents and gen Z parents, whatever. Can we find a middle ground? I I like how we're like totally the opposite. You and me, it's like so wild. Tita Lors: ⁓ my goodness. So crazy. as we're coming to a conclusion, right, finding a therapist would say a meaningful way to say goodbye, what's your glimmer of the week? Robin Axline: my god. I've got a few. ⁓ I think the ⁓ one that comes to mind ⁓ ⁓ This is a hard one to explain, I... acquaintance who seems to become more of a friend to me, I had repeatedly said, you're ever in New York City, please, hit me up somehow, we could do coffee or lunch or, ⁓ and this individual finally followed through. And we went to coffee and we just had this real heart to heart kind of talk that just really was nice to talk to somebody that I didn't quite know I had met through meditation experiences and I found out through the visit that it wasn't even that they were in the city for anything other than to spend time with me. At the end of the day, they were like, all I wanted to do was just, cause I was like, I hope I was a good tour guide and we did a bunch of things. I took them to stores, we did lunch, all this. And then they were just like, no, I mean, I really just wanted to spend time with you. And that just kind of, I just kind of melted a little bit. And so I just keep thinking about that. That was literally ⁓ just the end of Friday last week. So it really, ⁓ really hit home for me that somebody would be vulnerable to share that because I think a lot of people can't. they don't know what it is and they can't get it out, perhaps, even if they want to say it. So I thought that was really meaningful. Yeah, and so it just reminded me to do that in turn sometimes. So that's my glimmer. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You really are such a great tour guide. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I mean, even when you came and visited me, you were still the tour guide. I was like, don't know anything about DC. You about to- Robin Axline: Thanks, thanks, thanks. I'm always available. Next time you visit, let's go. Hey, what can I say? Something I like to do. Tita Lors: Yeah, you found all of these places to go to and different things to do and I was like, okay, this is different. Usually I have to figure this out for people, but she knows what she wants. Let's go. Let's make it happen. Yeah. Robin Axline: you That's funny. Yeah, I always try to have fun. Tita Lors: Yeah. All right. Let's see. ⁓ I'll give you my glimmer. ⁓ I'm ⁓ really horrible ⁓ at registering my car. I have I've had to deal this for years now, and I ⁓ tend to do it just really late the time. And so last year, Ryan, he meant to do it for me, but he ⁓ needed Robin Axline: Okay. Tita Lors: some paper or whatever for me that I never found because I still haven't found it. If I'm being honest, it's somewhere in this office and I have to go through some paperwork. ⁓ But we got pulled over this year, this weekend while he was driving. I've had a lot of anxiety about driving the car because I keep getting pulled over. ⁓ Duh. And so he finally... Robin Axline: Okay. Tita Lors: He finally got pulled over, he got the ticket this time, and he was like, if you could just find this one piece of paper, I'll just do it for you. It'll be fine, right? And it'll be for this year also, because that's how late it is. ⁓ And he, I remembered that they had sent me the paperwork in my email, so I could. Robin Axline: ⁓ hell. Tita Lors: I went and I found it in my email and I didn't now I don't have to look through a pile of papers to find it in my email and I sent it to him and this morning he took care of it my car is registered I don't have to have anxiety about driving my car anymore yeah now they just pull me over for speeding ⁓ Robin Axline: Yay! That's a great one. I was going to ask like, is, what is the thing? Okay. Speeding got you. ⁓ Tita Lors: Yeah. All right, everyone, if you've ever wondered if something is petty or an appropriate boundary, write in, ask us. We'd love to mull it over with you and give you our take and read on the podcast. But yeah, I'll say that. Do you have anything else before we head out? Robin Axline: Yeah. No, think that just about does it. Thanks for listening. Tita Lors: Awesome, right? Yeah, indeed. Anyways, fuck it. Robin Axline: Stay petty. Bye.