Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / 9 Reasons People Turn to a Divorce Coach: Insights for Navigating Separation and Healing

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9 Reasons People Turn to a Divorce Coach: Insights for Navigating Separation and Healing · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage, these are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warrentry people of the Coolin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of the podcast, where I'm going to step you through the most common reasons people seek help with their divorce from me, a divorce coach.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you are feeling stuck in the emotional or logistical organisational upheaval and chaos of separation.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're questioning whether your relationship is viable, whether it can or should continue.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're overwhelmed and in the messy middle of divorce.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you're here, you already know that you're not alone and also that there's no one size fits all pathway through it.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: So in this episode, I'm going to share nine of the most common reasons people seek out my support, supportive divorce coach, and choose to work with me.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: So whether you're standing on the edge on the precipice of a decision, maybe you're struggling with a decision from your partner that you didn't want or didn't expect, or you're untangling shared life in the messy middle of divorce, even trying to rebuild after it's all over.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: This episode will help you identify what might be keeping you stuck and how the right support, aligned support can guide you forward, can help support you to move forward with clarity and confidence and divorce with less drama.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because over the years that I've been doing this work, I've noticed patterns in why people seek help during their separation and divorce.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And these are the most common reasons clients reach out to me.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't immediately see yourself reflected in these reasons, they don't resonate with where you are right now, that's perfectly okay.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes just hearing about the experiences of others who are a little bit further along in their journey can help you, can offer a different perspective.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: It might help you reflect on what's feeling overwhelming right now, what you're struggling with, or even where you might need support, whether you're ready to reach out yet or not.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive into the nine most common reasons clients reach out to work with me, and hopefully these insights are helpful for you too.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: The first reason is that they are stuck in indecision.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: They've been debating, internally debating whether to stay or go for months, sometimes even years.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: They've thought about leaving, they've thought about divorce repeatedly, but they're really unsure about what that could look like and what it might mean.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: They're in that pre-decision phase, wondering what I need to do or know to finally make a decision, asking about their kids and wondering about their kids.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Will their children be okay if they separate?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Will their children be okay if they stay?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: How can I or will I be able to live independently?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: What will the finances look like?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Will I be able to start over?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have capacity or strength to actually act on this to do this and then go on and rebuild my life?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: The second reason is they're overwhelmed by what comes first.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: So they know they want to leave and they're overwhelmed.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe their partner initiated the separation, and the sheer volume of stuff to do, tasks to tick off a list, decisions to make is overwhelming, daunting, and they are frozen.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: They are in a freeze response.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So where do I start?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: What's the most urgent thing?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: What's important?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: What's not important right now?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: How do I manage all the moving pieces?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And what's the first thing that needs to happen?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're in overwhelm about what to do and what comes first.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: The third reason is that they are dealing with a difficult partner.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Whether they're still in the relationship or they're navigating a separation or divorce, they're dealing with a difficult partner or soon-to-be ex-partner.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Their spouse, husband, wife may be high conflict, maybe uncooperative, maybe completely disengaged, maybe not accepting of the decision to leave, all of the things.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe their partners become unpredictable, they're shut down.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, they're just not engaged, completely disengaged and not accepting of the of the separation, or the flip side of that becoming combative.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it can be a surprise that once you separate, once you open a discussion about separation, this other person you thought you knew well becomes unrecognizable.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: It is not the same person that you married, or it feels like it's not the same person that you married.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And these interactions become supercharged, highly triggering, highly emotional, emotionally triggering and exhausting.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're dealing with a difficult partner.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Reason number four is that they're feeling lonely and isolated.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Their life partner, perhaps this person was their best friend, is no longer there during what is a massive life moment.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: They can't turn to the support person they would normally or perhaps would have previously have turned to because that is their ex-partner.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Friends and family may not understand or be able to offer objective support, which increases that feeling of loneliness and isolation, and the emotional weight feels unbearable too much without a trusted or trusting no trusted sounding board, an objective, trusted sounding board.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So even though friends and family are surrounding them, they feel lonely and isolated and like they don't have somebody objective they can turn to.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Reason number five is struggling to make decisions.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Overwhelmed, stressed, and scared to make the wrong choice, again stuck in a freeze response, so make no choice, make no decision.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Terrified to make the wrong decision, they choose to make none.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: They know they need to act, they know they need to have hard conversations, they need to prepare documents, make plans, make appointments, but stress and overwhelm clouds their capacity to make a decision.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And questions like what comes first, what comes next dominate their thoughts.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: They get stuck in a spiral and are so overwhelmed with all the decisions that need to be made, they can't prioritize, they don't know what's important, what to do first, and so they do nothing.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: The next reason is a really big one, and it is about financial confidence.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Clients come to me because they lack financial confidence or they're worried about the financial implications of a separation and a divorce.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: They may not have handled the finances during the relationship, they may lack access or visibility to the full financial picture, the full financial resources of the relationship, they worry about funding a single life and whether their ex is managing current shared financial resources well, responsibly.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're looking for support to minimize the impact, to navigate parenting with someone perhaps they'd rather never see again or speak to again, how to navigate and reorganise that relationship into something effective and cooperative in service to their children.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Reason number eight is wanting to divorce well.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: They want to approach the divorce with kindness, with compassion, and minimize the drama and the damage.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: They have an underlying belief that it is possible to move through in healthy, thoughtful, compassionate ways that protects everyone as much as possible, that preserves as much relational goodwill as is possible, and they want to divorce well.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: The last reason, people, not the last reason, but the last reason in this list, right?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: The last reason that people connect with me and come to work with me is that they don't know what they don't know.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know what's coming for them, right?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: They want to explore options and pathways, they want to educate and empower themselves, they want to understand their options for separation, for divorce, and choose their best path forward through the messy parts.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're looking for values aligned.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Probably wouldn't use this terminology, but what they're looking for is a values-aligned team, the right professionals, the right people on their team, clarity about who they do need and who they don't need, and connection with values-aligned, savvy professionals who are open and willing and able to support them wanting to divorce well.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Professionals who are really great at what they do and also will help minimize conflict, minimize drama so that the client can be supported well to divorce or supported to divorce well.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's about exploration of options and pathways and connection with aligned practitioners.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Separation, divorce for most of us is uncharted territory, right?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's stepping out of what you know, what you thought life had planned for you, the life you'd planned for yourself, and into a whole other world of unknown and overwhelm.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: For most people, for most of us, for most of you, divorce isn't something we've done before.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's not something you taught about at school or learn about at university, and it's definitely not something you planned for.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody goes into a long-term relationship or a marriage expecting it to end.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: We still believe in the fairy tale, right?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: The happily ever after.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are feeling overwhelmed, alone, or unprepared for what's facing you, know that that is completely normal.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, the good news is you don't have to do this on your own.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Listening to this podcast is one way to empower and educate yourself.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: You can take control of your situation and you can educate yourself on your choices and you can move through this hard, hard season with confidence.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't even have to decide right now.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even have to decide on a separation or divorce just yet.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I would encourage you if you're in that, sitting on the fence, explore the podcast a little more.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can book a clarity consult with me before you step on the pathway so we can make sure you are on the pathway that you have consciously chosen.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: A high conflict, separation, divorce, family law matter, once started is really hard.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's a really hard path to get off.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's a snowball.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: So the way you start, the way you open conversations, the way you consciously choose to move through this is really important.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And a clarity consult with me can help you start the way you want this to finish, the way you want to move through it, the way you want it to end.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a link in the show notes to book either a free intro call or straight into a clarity consult.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's a tender time of year, it's a tricky time of year, so I hope that you have found some solace in this episode and that you can move through whatever you're navigating with kindness, compassion, and grace, mostly directed to yourself.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Until then,