Latest / Dots and Dreams / Episode 3: Going Through Big Change is Lonely. The Pull is What I Focus On.

Transcript

Episode 3: Going Through Big Change is Lonely. The Pull is What I Focus On. · Dots and Dreams

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: My first layoff in my career happened in 2025,
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: my seventh job search since graduate school,
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: and the scariest one I've ever faced.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I just felt lost.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was zigzagging out of control,
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  SPEAKER_00: going in circles,
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  SPEAKER_00: questioning everything I've ever done,
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: my experience,
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: and my capacity,
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: questioning myself entirely.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Post Restack
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  I was so far out of my comfort zone that I thought I'd never
• 0:59
  get back in But
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: mostly,
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: 2025 was the loneliest transition I've ever been through
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Dots and Dreams,
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  SPEAKER_00: a podcast about the real,
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: vulnerable,
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: and my sometimes in-the-moment stories of life transitions.
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  I'm Jenny Sidorova,
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  and I've been an immigrant,
• 1:22
  marketer,
• 1:23
  mother,
• 1:23
  and serial reinventor.
• 1:25
  And today,
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  we're talking about the loneliness of big life transitions that
• 1:31
  no one talks about.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was Sunday night at the end of August in 2025.
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  SPEAKER_00: My family and I had just gotten back from three weeks in Ireland.
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  We do a home exchange every single year and that year we went
• 1:53
  to County Kerry,
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  SPEAKER_00: a very rural part of the country.
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  A part of the country,
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  maybe even the world,
• 2:00
  where you just travel back 30 years in time.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: We had an amazing time and we had just gotten back.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone had their bag and their activity to prep.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Lena was starting kindergarten the next day
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  her kindergarten was at the same school she was in before but
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  it was in a different
• 2:20
  building so it was kind of a big deal this time she had to have
• 2:24
  a bigger backpack
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  we had a different list of stuff to put in it Victor was going
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  to a new daycare it
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  would be his first day the next day and Max was going back to
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  work so he had to
• 2:37
  prep his office which is just outside of our house but he still
• 2:41
  had to prep it
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  SPEAKER_00: I had no bag, no office to prepare.
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  SPEAKER_00: No one could comfort me in that moment.
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  SPEAKER_00: The lump in my stomach was so big that I couldn't even verbalize it.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was sitting on the couch and telling myself, you be quiet.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You get everything ready and you be quiet.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't be quiet, you're going to scream.
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  SPEAKER_00: Everyone felt the Sunday night blues, and I was painfully jealous.
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  SPEAKER_00: My Sunday blues were everyday blues.
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  SPEAKER_00: I knew that the only thing that was waiting for me the next day,
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  SPEAKER_00: Monday morning,
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  SPEAKER_00: was the thought of,
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  SPEAKER_00: what if I never land on my feet this time?
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  I got laid off in December of 2024 and I spent the first eight
• 3:36
  months of 2025
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  SPEAKER_00: looking for my next job.
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  I discovered in those first eight months that the loneliness
• 3:44
  that I was feeling,
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: it wasn't really due to the unemployment.
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  SPEAKER_00: It was the isolation of the journey.
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  Every Sunday,
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  watching my family prep for Monday was that lump in my stomach.
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  I realized very early on in the year that big transitions
• 4:02
  aren't lonely because they're hard.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've been through many big transitions.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've moved many times.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've become a mother twice.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've started new jobs on and on again.
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  But I realized that big transitions are lonely because no one
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  is talking about the
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  SPEAKER_00: struggle that they're in.
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  The first eight months of 2025 were dedicated to doing what I
• 4:27
  know how to do perfectly well.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've done it many times.
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  Build an action plan,
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  go for it,
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  and apply for jobs and network in parallel.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is something I've done many times in my career,
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  SPEAKER_00: and it wasn't intimidating because I figured,
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  SPEAKER_00: well,
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  SPEAKER_00: I've already done it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Onward and forward.
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  SPEAKER_00: But it wasn't working this time.
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  I also couldn't understand what companies were really looking
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  for because the more
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  SPEAKER_00: I talked to them,
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  SPEAKER_00: The more it really felt like they didn't know what it was they wanted.
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  And I kind of realized that marketing was having its own
• 5:19
  quintessential crisis because of AI.
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  SPEAKER_00: What I was shocked by was the inhumaneness of it all.
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  The AI-generated rejection emails that would be sent on a
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  Friday at 6pm after
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  having seven interviews with different people Everyone's
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  LinkedIn feed sharing
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  stories about how they applied for 500 jobs and didn't get any
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  answers and were all
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  SPEAKER_00: doomed and it's the worst crisis ever
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  Friends Telling Me To Enjoy My Time Off Which Just Felt Really
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  Counterproductive
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  And Was Not What I Wanted To Hear And Just The Thought That
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  Like Your Career Is
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  Dead But I Couldn't Say It Out Loud But I Kept Thinking It The
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  More And More Time
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  That Went By In Those Eight Months The More I Thought Maybe
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  This Is Just It Like
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  SPEAKER_00: That's The End Of My Career In Marketing
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  and I just had this internal loop of I've done this six times
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  before why can't I do
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  it this time it was really hard to accept that things were
• 6:30
  different generative AI
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  was making things different and the market and the economy
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  being what it is and the
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  SPEAKER_00: geopolitical situation being what it is
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  SPEAKER_00: So when I went to Ireland in August,
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  I started to have that tipping point of feeling very much like
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  I was trying to put
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  SPEAKER_00: a square into a circle.
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  SPEAKER_00: And you can't fit a square into a circle.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I knew that when I got back, something had to change.
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  SPEAKER_00: After Ireland, I decided to take a step back in September.
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  SPEAKER_00: Go back to pen and paper,
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  SPEAKER_00: think about what I love doing at work,
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  SPEAKER_00: what I didn't love doing at work.
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  SPEAKER_00: Kind of go through the process I've always gone through,
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  SPEAKER_00: but even a step further back,
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  SPEAKER_00: almost like a full reset.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then one day, I was talking to a friend whose advice I really value—
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  SPEAKER_00: And it just hit me.
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  SPEAKER_00: I had one of those lightbulb moments,
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  SPEAKER_00: the kind you don't expect to happen,
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  SPEAKER_00: and then boom,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know exactly what you need to do.
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  SPEAKER_00: My friend asked me the simple question of what brings you joy?
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  What is the one unique thing that only Jenny Sidorova can bring
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  to the world and
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  SPEAKER_00: that she enjoys doing?
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  SPEAKER_00: It hit me because I immediately knew that one, I had to explore this.
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  SPEAKER_00: It seemed very obvious.
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  SPEAKER_00: And two, I probably should have started my year with this process.
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  SPEAKER_00: That thought just seemed so logical to me.
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  How could I not have started my unemployment exploring what is
• 8:19
  it that brings me joy?
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  SPEAKER_00: So I did.
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  I talked to Max and made sure that we were aligned on me taking
• 8:24
  a few weeks off
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  SPEAKER_00: from applying to jobs,
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  SPEAKER_00: and then the process just flowed out of me.
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  SPEAKER_00: I started with pen and paper.
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  SPEAKER_00: I have a special notebook that I like to use when going through the
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  SPEAKER_00: So I dug it out and I started to just write down what makes me happy.
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  And the thing that really stood out was inspiring others
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  through my own lived experiences.
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  SPEAKER_00: Podcasting is also something that I've kind of toyed with,
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  SPEAKER_00: but just never really had,
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  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it's the guts,
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  SPEAKER_00: the time,
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  SPEAKER_00: or the ability to actually allow myself to explore it.
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  But since I was allowing myself the time to really explore what
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  makes me happy
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  SPEAKER_00: without thinking about the actual work layer,
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  I was arriving at some possibilities that I would have never
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  thought to actually
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  SPEAKER_00: explore.
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  SPEAKER_00: I had the idea of podcasting,
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  I decided to go to my best coach and spend some time
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  ping-ponging with Claude.
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  And when Claude also suggested podcasting as an option,
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  it felt a little bit like...
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm not the type of
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  So when I explore or research,
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  I kind of have to go down every single rabbit hole.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I stumbled upon a program called the Emerging Voices Accelerator,
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  SPEAKER_00: and I just knew that this is for me.
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  SPEAKER_00: I decided, you know what, I'm going to go ahead and consider this.
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  It took me quite a bit of time to actually apply to it and
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  actually start it.
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  But the process of exploring what brings me joy took me out of
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  that loneliness and
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  SPEAKER_00: it led me to something completely new.
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  SPEAKER_00: I also in that process dug deep and asked myself questions that
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  SPEAKER_00: Stimulatis
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  The point is that my exploration of what brings me joy led me
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  down many new paths.
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  SPEAKER_00: But most importantly, it took me out of the loneliness.
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  If I had to kind of recap this process,
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  what it looked like was really twofold.
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  SPEAKER_00: First, it involved leaning into the pull.
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  SPEAKER_00: And second, it involved accepting what that really means.
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  SPEAKER_00: What does it mean to lean into the pull?
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  The pull was taking me towards explorations that were not so
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  obvious and often
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  SPEAKER_00: uncomfortable,
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  SPEAKER_00: but I decided to fully lean into that.
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  SPEAKER_00: And accepting what that means was kind of being very concrete about it.
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  SPEAKER_00: If I explore podcasting, what does that mean for my finances?
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  If I don't look for a full-time role,
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  what does that mean for my day-to-day?
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  It even forced me to face what does it look like from a
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  childcare perspective,
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  because I'm not going to pay for extra childcare if I'm not
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  working full time.
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  Leaning into the pull and accepting what would be as part of
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  that exploration were
• 12:22
  really important steps for me in getting through that difficult
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  time last year.
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  But they also really served as support systems when feeling
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  alone in the process.
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  SPEAKER_00: Somehow when we feel we're going towards what we're meant to go towards,
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  SPEAKER_00: we feel us alone in our exploration.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of makes sense thinking back on it now.
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  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I felt less lonely when I was...
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  Stimulated and thinking creatively and ping-ponging with Claude
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  about what I could
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  do with what brings me joy versus applying for jobs and
• 13:01
  interviewing with people
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  SPEAKER_00: who didn't seem to know what they even wanted.
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  I just want to take a quick pause because there's one tool
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  that's been my best
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  SPEAKER_00: companion during my job search and reflections of what brings me joy,
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  SPEAKER_00: and that's Notion.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you're having tons of conversations,
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: applying for jobs,
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: interviewing,
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: prepping case studies,
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: all while reflecting what it is you actually want,
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  SPEAKER_00: being organized and having the right workflow are really key.
• 13:36
  I discovered Notion when I was the head of marketing in a
• 13:39
  Norwegian tech company,
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  SPEAKER_00: but I've adopted it into all aspects of my life ever since.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thanks to Notion,
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I can keep track of everything,
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: see patterns,
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: set up reminders,
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: and basically have my own personal assistant,
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  SPEAKER_00: my diary,
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: my database.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is not an ad,
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: but I felt it was important to share what tool helped me stay sane,
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  SPEAKER_00: organized,
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  SPEAKER_00: and just fed my Capricorn planner-loving soul during all of this.
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  SPEAKER_00: And of course, I'm still using it today.
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  The thing that was interesting was that looking for a job and
• 14:19
  even those few months
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: of exploring joy,
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: there was like a certain type of grind that I just eased into.
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  This type of productivity that we experience in full-time work
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  and sometimes can
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: replicate even when we are just doing projects for ourselves.
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  What I'm trying to say is that the feeling of panic and
• 14:42
  loneliness came in waves.
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  SPEAKER_00: When I'd have a great idea,
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: like podcasting,
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: when I'd have a lightbulb moment,
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: things would just flow and I would feel like I struck oil.
• 14:55
  Like my path was suddenly clear But then there would be the
• 14:58
  tiniest roadblock Like
• 15:00
  a rejection email that came out of nowhere that I wasn't even
• 15:04
  expecting Because it
• 15:05
  had been weeks since I applied Or spending an hour figuring out
• 15:10
  which mic to order
• 15:11
  for podcasting And suddenly feeling like maybe this is so
• 15:14
  stupid and I don't know
• 15:15
  what I'm doing And so immediately I would feel alone in that
• 15:20
  journey again
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: because suddenly I'm alone in this struggle.
• 15:26
  Talking about this roller coaster of emotions that took over
• 15:30
  several months of my
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: life was difficult.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of it was really internalized.
• 15:36
  And what was really happening is I was feeling like nobody
• 15:40
  understood what I was going through.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody could imagine the feeling of
• 15:47
  what if I just don't get out of this like what happens do I
• 15:51
  just completely stop
• 15:52
  working do I go and apply for a job at the grocery store like
• 15:56
  what what do I do but
• 15:58
  there are a few things that really helped me navigate that
• 16:03
  feeling and I would have
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: expected that they be talking to friends or talking to my partner but
• 16:10
  That Doesn't Always Work What Actually Really Helped Me Was
• 16:16
  Firstly Keeping A List
• 16:20
  Next To My Computer Of All The Things That I Was Able To Do
• 16:26
  Because I Was Not
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Working So That List Had Things Like
• 16:31
  Spending every Wednesday with my daughter Lena because I wasn't
• 16:34
  working I could be
• 16:35
  with her it had things like going on that trip to Ireland for
• 16:42
  three full weeks and
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: not working had I had a job I would have not taken three full weeks off
• 16:49
  I did a 28-day gratitude exercise with three other women during
• 16:53
  the month of August
• 16:54
  I made some new friends I built a website with AI I learned how
• 16:59
  to do that there
• 17:00
  are all these things that I was able to do because I didn't
• 17:03
  have a full-time job
• 17:04
  and so I kept a list of them next to my computer and every time
• 17:09
  I felt overwhelmed
• 17:11
  I would actually look at that list and I would calm down and
• 17:15
  feel better and feel
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: grateful
• 17:19
  I also networked with vulnerability that is something that
• 17:22
  really helped instead of
• 17:24
  just reaching out to people and telling them that I got laid
• 17:27
  off I would actually
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: tell them more I would tell them that it felt really hard that I've never
• 17:36
  experienced what I was experiencing in talking about the
• 17:41
  profession of marketing
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: where I saw it going and
• 17:46
  my experience with generative AI I would be a lot more
• 17:49
  vulnerable about the
• 17:51
  struggle but also the environment and that vulnerability helped
• 17:59
  because first of
• 18:01
  all people opened up about their own stuff which really helped
• 18:04
  me feel like I
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: wasn't alone in a struggle
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: They'd put me in touch with other people, send introduction emails.
• 18:13
  They would actually take an action and I'm convinced that this
• 18:16
  was due to my vulnerability.
• 18:19
  And the third thing that I did that really helped me during
• 18:23
  that time last year was
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: listening to other people's struggles.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know that sounds a
• 18:32
  but I went to a few women's expat circles that a friend of mine
• 18:37
  hosts and they are
• 18:39
  just really amazing spaces where you go around in a circle and
• 18:42
  everybody shares
• 18:43
  something and the variety of topics that everyone would share
• 18:49
  and the different
• 18:50
  things that all these women were going through just made me
• 18:53
  feel a little bit like
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: well my thing's not that bad or my thing's not that big
• 19:01
  it's not just me everyone's going through these hidden
• 19:05
  transitions and hidden grief
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: over what they might have lost
• 19:11
  And everyone is probably feeling lonely in the transition that
• 19:15
  they're going through.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm absolutely not alone.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Having that list of what I was able to do thanks to not working,
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: networking with vulnerability,
• 19:25
  and listening to other people's struggles and pushing myself
• 19:29
  into environments
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: where I could do that really,
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: really helped me not feel alone last year.
• 19:36
  So what really shifted for me was in exploring podcasting
• 19:40
  paired with the three
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: practices I adopted took me out of the job seeker community,
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: which somehow didn't really help with loneliness,
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: and put me into a creator community.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: A community of people who are putting something into the world.
• 19:58
  That energy overshadowed the feeling of loneliness immediately
• 20:03
  and so it was easy
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: to just keep going.
• 20:08
  That's what creating this podcast is for me It's not just about
• 20:13
  what I want to
• 20:14
  share But it's also about being part of a group of people That
• 20:18
  in some ways are
• 20:20
  making me feel a lot less lonely In this journey of what is
• 20:24
  going to be my next
• 20:25
  chapter It also gave me the reminder and courage That I am a
• 20:31
  constant learner I
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: love learning something new I love creativity I can succeed
• 20:41
  So if you're in a big transition right now and feeling lonely,
• 20:44
  you are not alone.
• 20:46
  Everyone else is just not talking about their struggle while
• 20:50
  they're in it.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: They'll post about the win later on Instagram or LinkedIn,
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: but right now,
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: this is the messy middle.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: And we're all here together, even if we're not saying it out loud.
• 21:04
  If you want to see photos from the different periods of my life
• 21:08
  that I talk about
• 21:09
  make sure you're subscribed to the Dots and Dreams podcast
• 21:12
  Substack I'll share them
• 21:14
  in the newsletter that goes out with each episode You can even
• 21:18
  reply and share your
• 21:19
  story with me Is there a major transition that you're going
• 21:23
  through that feels
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: really lonely right now?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something that you want to share that you wish I explored?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear about it
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time!