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15 - Moon and Sixpence by W. Somerset Maugham · Moon and Sixpence

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  Speaker 1: Chapters forty, forty one and forty two of The Moon
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  Speaker 1: and Sixpence. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings
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  Speaker 1: are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer,
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  Speaker 1: please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording by Barry Eads. The
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  Speaker 1: Moon and Sixpence by William Somerset Maum, chapter forty. For
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  Speaker 1: the next month, occupied with my own affairs, I saw
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  Speaker 1: no one connected with this lamentable business, and my mind
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  Speaker 1: ceased to be occupied with it. But one day, when
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  Speaker 1: I was walking along, bent on some errand, I passed
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  Speaker 1: Charles Strickland. The sight of him brought back to me
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  Speaker 1: all the horror which I was not unwilling to forget,
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  Speaker 1: and I felt in me a sudden repulsion for the
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  Speaker 1: cause of it, nodding, for it would have been childish
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  Speaker 1: to cut him. I walked on quickly, but in a
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  Speaker 1: minute I felt a hand on my shoulder. You're in
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  Speaker 1: a great hurry, he said cordially. It was characteristic of
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  Speaker 1: him to display geniality with any one who showed a
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  Speaker 1: disinclination to meet him, and the coolness of my greeting
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  Speaker 1: can have left him in little doubt of that I am,
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  Speaker 1: I answered briefly, I'll walk along with you. He said, why,
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  Speaker 1: I asked for the pleasure of your society. I did
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  Speaker 1: not answer, and he walked by my side silently. We
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  Speaker 1: continued thus for perhaps a quarter of a mile. I
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  Speaker 1: began to feel a little ridiculous. At last, we passed
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  Speaker 1: a stationer's and it occurred to me that I might
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  Speaker 1: as well buy some paper. It would be an excuse
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  Speaker 1: to get rid of him. I'm going in here, I said,
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  Speaker 1: good bye. I'll wait for you. I shrugged my shoulders
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  Speaker 1: and went into the shop. I reflected that French paper
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  Speaker 1: was bad, and that foiled of my purpose. I did
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  Speaker 1: not burden myself with a purchase that I did not need.
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  Speaker 1: I asked for something I knew could not be provided,
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  Speaker 1: and in a minute came out into the street. Did
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  Speaker 1: you get what you wanted? He asked no. We walked
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  Speaker 1: on in silence, and then came to a place where
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  Speaker 1: several streets met. I stopped at the curb. Which way
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  Speaker 1: do you go? I inquired? Your way? He smiled, I'm
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  Speaker 1: going home. I'll come along with you and smoke a pipe.
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  Speaker 1: You might wait for an invitation, I retorted, frigidly, I
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  Speaker 1: would if I thought there was any chance of getting one.
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  Speaker 1: Do you see that wall in front of you, I said,
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  Speaker 1: pointing yes. In that case, I should have thought you
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  Speaker 1: could see also that I don't want your company. I
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  Speaker 1: vaguely suspected it. I confess I could not help a chuckle.
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  Speaker 1: It was one of the defects of my character that
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  Speaker 1: I cannot altogether dislike anyone who makes me laugh. But
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  Speaker 1: I pulled myself together. I think you're detestable. You're the
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  Speaker 1: most loathsome beast that it's ever been my misfortune to meet.
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  Speaker 1: Why do you seek this society of someone who hates
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  Speaker 1: and despises you? My dear fellow? What the hell do
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  Speaker 1: you suppose I care what you think of me? Damn
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  Speaker 1: it all, I said, more violently, because I had an inkling.
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  Speaker 1: My motive was none too credible. I don't want to
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  Speaker 1: know you. Are you afraid I shall corrupt you? His
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  Speaker 1: tone made me feel not a little ridiculous. I knew
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  Speaker 1: that he was looking at me sideways with a sardonic smile.
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  Speaker 1: I suppose you are hard up, I remarked insolently. I
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  Speaker 1: should be a damned fool if I thought I had
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  Speaker 1: any chance of borrowing money from you. You've come down
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  Speaker 1: in the world if you can bring yourself to flatter.
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  Speaker 1: He grinned, you'll never really dislike me, so long as
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  Speaker 1: I give you the opportunity to get off a good
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  Speaker 1: thing now. And then I had to bite my lip
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  Speaker 1: to prevent myself from laughing. What he said had a
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  Speaker 1: hateful truth in it. And another defect of my character
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  Speaker 1: is that I enjoy the company of those, however depraved,
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  Speaker 1: who can give me a roland for my oliver. I
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  Speaker 1: began to feel that my abhorrence for Strickland could only
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  Speaker 1: be sustained by an effort on my part. I recognized
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  Speaker 1: my moral weakness and saw that my disapprobation had in
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  Speaker 1: it already something of a pose. And I knew that
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  Speaker 1: if I felt it, his own keen instinct had discovered
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  Speaker 1: it too. He was certainly laughing at me up his sleeve.
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  Speaker 1: I left him the last word and sought refuge in
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  Speaker 1: a shrug of the shoulders and taciturnity. So ends Chapter forty.
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  Speaker 1: Chapter forty one. We arrived at the house in which
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  Speaker 1: I lived. I would not ask him to come in
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  Speaker 1: with me, but walked up the stairs without a word.
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  Speaker 1: He followed me and entered the apartment on my heels.
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  Speaker 1: He had not been in it before, but he never
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  Speaker 1: gave a glance at the room I had been at
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  Speaker 1: pains to making pleasing to the eye. There was a
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  Speaker 1: tin of tobacco on the table, and taking out his pipe,
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  Speaker 1: he filled it. He sat down on the only chair
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  Speaker 1: that had no arms and tilted himself on the back legs.
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  Speaker 1: If you're going to make yourself at home, why don't
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  Speaker 1: you sit in an arm chair? I asked him irritably.
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  Speaker 1: Why are you concerned about my comfort? I'm not, I retorted,
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  Speaker 1: but only about my own. It makes me uncomfortable to
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  Speaker 1: see some one sit on an uncomfortable chair. He chuckled,
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  Speaker 1: but did not move. He smoked on in silence, taking
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  Speaker 1: no further notice of me, and apparently was absorbed in thought.
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  Speaker 1: I wondered why he had come Until long habit has
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  Speaker 1: blunted the sensibility. There is something disconcerting to the writer
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  Speaker 1: in the instinct which causes him to take an interest
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  Speaker 1: in the singularities of human nature, so absorbing that his
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  Speaker 1: moral sense is powerless against it. He recognizes in himself
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  Speaker 1: an artistic satisfaction in the contemplation of evil, which a
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  Speaker 1: little startles him, but sincerity forces him to confess that
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  Speaker 1: that the disapproval he feels for certain actions is not
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  Speaker 1: nearly so strong as his curiosity in their reasons. The
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  Speaker 1: character of a scoundrel, logical and complete, has a fascination
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  Speaker 1: for his creator, which is an outrage to law and order.
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  Speaker 1: I suspect that Shakespeare devised Iago with a gusto which
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  Speaker 1: he never knew. When weaving moonbeams with his fancy, he
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  Speaker 1: imagined Desdemona. It might be that in his rogues the
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  Speaker 1: writer gratifies instincts deep rooted in him, which the manners
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  Speaker 1: and customs of a civilized world have forced back to
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  Speaker 1: the mysterious recesses of the subconscious. In giving to the
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  Speaker 1: character of his invention flesh and bones, he is giving
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  Speaker 1: life to that part of himself which finds no other
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  Speaker 1: means of expression. His satisfaction is a sense of liberation.
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  Speaker 1: The writer is more concerned to know than to judge.
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  Speaker 1: There was in my soul a perfectly genuine horror of Strickland,
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  Speaker 1: and side by side with it a cold curiosity to
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  Speaker 1: discover his motives. I was puzzled by him, and I
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  Speaker 1: was eager to see how he regarded the tragedy he
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  Speaker 1: had caused in the lives of people who had used
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  Speaker 1: him with so much kindness. I applied the scalpel boldly.
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  Speaker 1: Struve told me that picture you painted of his wife
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  Speaker 1: was the best thing you've ever done. Strickland took his
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  Speaker 1: pipe out of his mouth, and a smile lit up
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  Speaker 1: his eyes. It was great fun to do. Why did
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  Speaker 1: you give it to him? I'd finished it. It wasn't
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  Speaker 1: any good to me. Do you know that Struve nearly
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  Speaker 1: destroyed it? It wasn't altogether satisfactory. He was quiet for
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  Speaker 1: a moment or two. Then he took his pipe out
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  Speaker 1: of his mouth again and chuckled. Do you know that
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  Speaker 1: the little man came to see me? Weren't you rather
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  Speaker 1: touched by what he had to say? No? I thought
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  Speaker 1: it damn silly and sentimental. I suppose it escaped your
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  Speaker 1: memory that you'd ruined his life, I remarked. He rubbed
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  Speaker 1: his bearded chin reflectively. He's a very bad painter, but
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  Speaker 1: a very good man and an excellent cook. Strickland added derisively.
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  Speaker 1: His callousness was inhuman, and in my indignation, I was
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  Speaker 1: not inclined to mince my words as a mere matter
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  Speaker 1: of curiosity. I wish you'd tell me. Have you felt
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  Speaker 1: the smallest twinge of remorse for blanch Strew's death. I
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  Speaker 1: watched his face for some change of expression, but it
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  Speaker 1: remained impassive. Why should I, he asked, Let me put
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  Speaker 1: the facts before you. You were dying, and dirk Struve
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  Speaker 1: took you into his own house. He nursed you like
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  Speaker 1: a mother. He sacrificed his time and his comfort and
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  Speaker 1: his money for you. He snatched you from the jaws
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  Speaker 1: of death. Strickland shrugged his shoulders. That absurd little man
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  Speaker 1: enjoys doing things for other people. That's his life. Granting
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  Speaker 1: that you owed him no gratitude? Were you obliged to
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  Speaker 1: go out of your way to take his wife from him?
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  Speaker 1: Until you came on the scene. They were happy? Why
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  Speaker 1: couldn't you leave them alone? What makes you think they
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  Speaker 1: were happy? It was evident you are a discerning fellow.
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  Speaker 1: Do you think she could ever have forgiven him for
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  Speaker 1: what he did for her? What do you mean by that?
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  Speaker 1: Don't you know why he married her? I shook my head.
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  Speaker 1: She was a governess in the family of some Roman prince,
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  Speaker 1: and the son of the house seduced her. She thought
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  Speaker 1: he was going to marry her. They turned her out
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  Speaker 1: into the street, neck and crop. She was going to
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  Speaker 1: have a baby, and she tried to commit suicide. Strue
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  Speaker 1: found her and married her. It was just like him.
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  Speaker 1: I never knew anyone with so compassionate a heart. I
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  Speaker 1: often wondered why that ill assorted pair had married, But
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  Speaker 1: just that explanation had never occurred to me. That was
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  Speaker 1: perhaps the cause of a peculiar quality of Dirk's law
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  Speaker 1: for his wife. I had noticed in it something more
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  Speaker 1: than passion. I remembered also, how I had always fancied
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  Speaker 1: that her reserve concealed I knew not what, but now
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  Speaker 1: I saw in it more than the desire to hide
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  Speaker 1: a shameful secret. Her tranquility was like the sullen calm
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  Speaker 1: that broods over an island which has been swept by
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  Speaker 1: a hurricane. Her cheerfulness was the cheerfulness of despair. Stricklyn
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  Speaker 1: interrupted my reflections with an observation, the profound cynicism of
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  Speaker 1: which startled me. A woman could forgive a man for
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  Speaker 1: the harm he does her, he said, but she can
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  Speaker 1: never forgive him for the sacrifices he makes on her. Account.
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  Speaker 1: It must be reassuring to you to know that you
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  Speaker 1: certainly run no risk of incurring the resentment of the
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  Speaker 1: women you come in contact with, I retorted, A slight
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  Speaker 1: smile broke on his lips. You are always prepared to
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  Speaker 1: sacrifice your principles for a reparte, He answered, what to
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  Speaker 1: the child? Oh, it was stillborn three or four months
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  Speaker 1: after they were married. Then I came to the question
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  Speaker 1: which had seemed to me most puzzling. Will you tell
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  Speaker 1: me why you bothered about Blanche Strove at all? He
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  Speaker 1: did not answer for so long that I nearly repeated it.
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  Speaker 1: How do I know? He said? At last, she couldn't
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  Speaker 1: bear the sight of me. It amused me. I see
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  Speaker 1: he gave a sudden flash of anger. Damn it all
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  Speaker 1: I wanted her, But he recovered his temper immediately and
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  Speaker 1: looked at me with a smile. At first she was horrified.
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  Speaker 1: Did you tell her there wasn't any need? She knew.
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  Speaker 1: I never said a word. She was frightened. At last
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  Speaker 1: I took her. I do not know what there was
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  Speaker 1: in the way he told me this that extraordinarily suggested
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  Speaker 1: the violence of his desire. It was disconcerting and rather horrible.
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  Speaker 1: His life was strangely divorce from material things, and it
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  Speaker 1: was as though his body at times wreaked a fearful
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  Speaker 1: revenge on his spirit. The satyr in him suddenly took possession,
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  Speaker 1: and he was powerless in the grip of an instinct
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  Speaker 1: which had all the strength of the primitive forces of nature.
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  Speaker 1: It was an obsession so complete that there was no
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  Speaker 1: room in his soul for prudence or gratitude. But why
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  Speaker 1: did you want to take her away with you, I asked,
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  Speaker 1: I didn't, he answered, frowning. When she said she was coming,
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  Speaker 1: I was nearly as surprised as Strove. I told her
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  Speaker 1: that when I'd had enough of her, she'd have to go,
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  Speaker 1: and she said she'd risk that. He paused a little.
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  Speaker 1: She had a wonderful body, and I wanted to paint
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  Speaker 1: a nude when I'd finished my picture. I took no
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  Speaker 1: more interest in her, and she loved you with all
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  Speaker 1: her heart. He sprang to his feet and walked up
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  Speaker 1: and down the small room. I don't want to love.
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  Speaker 1: I haven't time for it. It's weakness. I am a man,
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  Speaker 1: and sometimes I want a woman. When I've satisfied my passion,
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  Speaker 1: I'm ready for other things. I can't overcome my desire,
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  Speaker 1: but I hate it. It imprisons my spirit. I look
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  Speaker 1: forward to the time when I shall be free from
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  Speaker 1: all desire and can give myself without hindrance to my work.
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  Speaker 1: Because women can do nothing except love. They've given it
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  Speaker 1: a ridiculous importance. They want to persuade us that it's
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  Speaker 1: the whole of life. It's an insignificant part. I know
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  Speaker 1: lust that's normal and healthy. Love is a disease. Women
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  Speaker 1: are the instruments of my pleasure. I have no patience
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  Speaker 1: with their claim to be helpmates, partners, companions. I had
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  Speaker 1: never heard Strickland speak so much. At one time he
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  Speaker 1: spoke with a passion of indignation. But neither here nor
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  Speaker 1: elsewhere do I pretend to give his exact words. His
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  Speaker 1: vocabulary was small, and he had no gift for framing sentences,
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  Speaker 1: so that one had to piece his meaning together out
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  Speaker 1: of interjections. The expression of his face justures and hackneyed phrases.
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  Speaker 1: You should have lived at a time when women were
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  Speaker 1: chattels and men the masters of slaves. I said, it
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  Speaker 1: just happens that I am a completely normal man. I
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  Speaker 1: could not help laughing at this remark made in all seriousness,
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  Speaker 1: But he went on walking up and down the room
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  Speaker 1: like a caged beast, intent on expressing what he felt,
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  Speaker 1: but found such difficulty in putting coherently. When a woman
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  Speaker 1: loves you, she's not satisfied until she possesses your soul.
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  Speaker 1: Because she's weak. She has a rage for domination, and
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  Speaker 1: nothing less will satisfy her. She has a small mind,
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  Speaker 1: and she resents the abstract, which she is unable to grasp.
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  Speaker 1: She is occupied with material things, and she is jealous
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  Speaker 1: of the ideal. The soul of man wanders through the
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  Speaker 1: uttermost regions of the universe, and she seeks to imprison
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  Speaker 1: it in the circle of her account book. Do you
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  Speaker 1: remember my wife? I saw a blanche little by little,
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  Speaker 1: trying all her t with infinite patience. She prepared to
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  Speaker 1: snare me and bind me. She wanted to bring me
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  Speaker 1: down to her level. She cared nothing for me. She
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  Speaker 1: only wanted me to be hers. She was willing to
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  Speaker 1: do everything in the world for me, except the one
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  Speaker 1: thing I wanted to leave me alone. I was silent
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  Speaker 1: for a while. What did you expect her to do
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  Speaker 1: when you left her? She could have gone back to strove,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: he said irritably, he was ready to take her. You're inhuman,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I answered, It's as useless to talk to you about
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: these things as to describe colors to a man who
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: was born blind. He stopped in front of my chair
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  Speaker 1: and stood looking down at me with an expression in
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  Speaker 1: which I read a contemptuous amazement. Do you really care
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  Speaker 1: a twopenny damn if blanch Strove is alive or dead?
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: I thought over his question, for I wanted to answer
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  Speaker 1: it truthfully at all events, to my soul, it may
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  Speaker 1: be a lack of sympathy in myself if it does
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  Speaker 1: not make any great difference to me that she is dead.
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  Speaker 1: Life had a great deal to offer her. I think
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  Speaker 1: it's terrible that she should have been deprived of it
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  Speaker 1: in that cruel way. And I am ashamed because I
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  Speaker 1: do not really care. You have not the courage of
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  Speaker 1: your convictions. Life has no value. Blanchstrove didn't commit suicide
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  Speaker 1: because I left her, but because she was a foolish
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  Speaker 1: and unbalanced woman. But we've talked about her quite enough.
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  Speaker 1: She was an entirely unimportant person. Come and I'll show
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  Speaker 1: you my pictures. He spoke as though I were a
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: child that needed to be distracted. I was sore, but
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: not with him so much as with myself. I thought
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: of the happy life that Pere had led in the
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: cozy studio in mu Mantra Struve and his wife, their simplicity, kindness,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: and hospitality. It seemed to me cruel that it should
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: have been broken to pieces by a ruthless chance. But
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: the cruelest thing of all was that, in fact it
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: made no great difference. The world went on, and no
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: one was a penny. The worse for all that wretchedness,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I had an idea that Dirk, a man of greater
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  Speaker 1: emotional reactions than depth of feeling, would soon forget, and
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  Speaker 1: Blanche's life begun with who knows what bright hopes and
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  Speaker 1: what dreams might just as well have never been lived.
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  Speaker 1: It all seemed useless and inane. Strickland had found his
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: hat and stood looking at me. Are you coming? Why
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  Speaker 1: do you seek my acquaintance? I asked him. You know
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  Speaker 1: that I hate and despise you, He chuckled, good humoredly.
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  Speaker 1: Your only quarrel with me really is that I don't
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: care too penny damn what you think about me. I
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: felt my cheeks grow red with sudden anger. It was
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: impossible to make him understand that one might be outraged
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  Speaker 1: by his callous selfishness. I longed to pierce his armor
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  Speaker 1: of complete indifference. I knew also that in the end
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  Speaker 1: there was truth in what he said. Unconsciously, perhaps we
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: treasure the power we have over people by their regard
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  Speaker 1: for our opinion of them, and we hate those upon
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  Speaker 1: whom we have no such influence. I suppose it is
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  Speaker 1: the bitterest wound to human pride. But I would not
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  Speaker 1: let him see that I was put out. Is it
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  Speaker 1: possible for any man to disregard others entirely? I said,
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  Speaker 1: though more to myself than to him. You're dependent on
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  Speaker 1: others for everything in existence. It is a preposterous attempt
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  Speaker 1: to try to live only for yourself and by yourself.
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  Speaker 1: Sooner or later you'll be ill and tired and old,
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  Speaker 1: and then you'll crawl back into the herd. Won't you
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  Speaker 1: be ashamed when you feel in your heart the desire
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  Speaker 1: for comfort and sympathy. You're trying an impossible thing. Sooner
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  Speaker 1: or later, the human being in you will yearn for
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  Speaker 1: the common bonds of humanity. Come and look at my pictures.
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  Speaker 1: Have you ever thought of death? Why should I, It
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  Speaker 1: doesn't matter. I stared at him. He stood before me, motionless,
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: with a mocking smile in his eyes. But for all that,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: for a moment, I had an inkling of a fiery,
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  Speaker 1: tortured spirit aiming at something greater than could be conceived
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  Speaker 1: by anything that was bound up with the flesh. I
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  Speaker 1: had a fleeting glimpse of a pursuit of the ineffable.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I looked at the man before me, in his shabby clothes,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: with his great nose and shining eyes, his red beard
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: and untidy hair, and I had a strange sensation that
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: it was only an envelope, and I was in the
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: presence of a disembodied spirit. Let us go and look
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: at your pictures, I said so, ends Chapter forty one,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Chapter forty two. I did not know why Strickland had
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: suddenly offered to show them to me. I welcomed the opportunity.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: A man's work reveals him in social intercourse. He gives
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: you the surface that he wishes the world to accept,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: and you can only gain a true knowledge of him
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: by inferences from little actions of which he is unconscious,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: and from fleeting expressions which cross his face unknown to him.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mass they have assumed,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: that in due course they actually become the person they seem.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: But in his book or his picture, the real man
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: delivers himself defenseless. His pretentiousness will only expose his vacuity.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: The lathe painted to look like iron, is seen to
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: be but a lath. No affectation of peculiarity can conceal
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: a commonplace mind to the acute observer. No one can
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: produce the most casual work without disclosing the innermost secrets
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: of his soul. As I walked up the endless stairs
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: of the house in which Strickland lived, I confess that
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I was a little excited. It seemed to me that
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: I was on the threshold of a surprising adventure. I
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: looked about the room with curiosity. It was even smaller
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: and more bare than I remembered it. I wondered what
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: those friends of mine would say, who who demanded vast
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: studios and vowed they could not work unless all the
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: conditions were to their liking. You'd better stand there, he said,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: pointing to a spot from which presumably he fancied I
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: could see to best advantage what he had to show me.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: You don't want me to talk. I suppose I said, no,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: blast you, I want you to hold your tongue. He
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: placed a picture on the easel and let me look
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: at it for a minute or two, then took it
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: down and put another in its place. I think he
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: showed me about thirty canvases. It was the result of
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: the six years during which he had been painting. He
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: had never sold a picture. The canvases were of different sizes.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: The smaller were pictures of still life, and the largest
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: were landscapes. There were about half a dozen portraits. That
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: is the lot, he said, at last, I wish I
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: could say that I recognized at once their beauty and
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: their great originality. Now that I have seen many of
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: them again, and the rest are familiar to me in reproductions,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I must that at first sight I was bitterly disappointed.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: I felt nothing of the peculiar thrill which it is
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: the property of art to give. The impression that Strickland's
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: pictures gave me was disconcerting, and the fact remains always
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: to reproach me that I never even thought of buying
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: any I missed a wonderful chance. Most of them have
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: found their way into museums and the rest are the
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: treasured possessions of wealthy amateurs. I try to find excuses
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: for myself. I think that my taste is good, but
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: I am conscious that it has no originality. I know
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: very little about painting, and I wander along trails that
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: others have blazed for me. At that time, I had
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: the greatest admiration for the Impressionist. I longed to possess
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: a Sicily and a degad, and I worshiped Manette. His
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Olympia seemed to me the greatest picture of modern times,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: and Le deugeni se Lebe moved me profoundly. These works
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: seemed to me the last word in painting. I will
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: not describe the pictures that Strickland showed me. Descriptions of
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: pictures are always dull, and these, besides, are familiar to
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: all who take an interest in such things. Now that
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: his influence has so enormously affected modern painting, now that
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: others have charted the country which he was among the
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: first to explore, Strickland's pictures seen for the first time,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: would find the mind more prepared for them. But it
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: must be remembered that I had never seen anything of
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: the sort First of all, I was taken aback by
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: what seemed to me the clumsiness of his technique. Accustomed
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: to the drawing of the old masters, and convinced that
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Ingres was the greatest draftsman of recent times. I thought
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: that Strickland drew very badly. I knew nothing of the
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: simplification at which he aimed. I remember a still life
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: of oranges on a plate, and I was bothered because
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: the plate was not round, and the oranges were lopsided.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: The portraits were a little largearger than life size, and
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: this gave them an ungainly look. To my eyes. The
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: faces looked like caricatures. They were painted in a way
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: that was entirely new to me. The landscapes puzzled me
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: even more. There were two or three pictures of the
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: forest at Fontainebleau, and several of streets in Paris. My
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: first feeling was that they might have been painted by
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: a drunken cab driver. I was perfectly bewildered. The color
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: seemed to me extraordinarily crude. It passed through my mind
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: that the whole thing was a stupendous, incomprehensible farce. Now
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: that I look back, I am more than ever impressed
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: by Struf's acuteness. He saw from the first that here
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: was a revolution in art, and he recognized in its
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: beginnings the genius which now all the world allows. But
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: if I was puzzled and disconcerted, I was not unimpressed.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Even I, in my colossal ignorance, could not but feel
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: that here, trying to express itself, was real power. I
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: was excited and interested. I felt that these pictures had
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: something to say to me that was very important for
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: me to know, but I could not tell what it was.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: They seemed to me ugly, but they suggested without disclosing,
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: a secret of momentous significance. They were strangely tantalizing. They
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: gave me an emotion that I could not analyze. They
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: said something that words were powerless to utter. I fancied
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: that Strickland saw vaguely some spiritual meaning in material things
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: that was so strange that he could only suggest it
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: with halting symbols. It was as though he found in
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: the chaos of the universe a new pattern and were attempting, clumsily,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: with anguish a soul to set it down. I saw
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: a tormented spirit striving for the release of expression. I
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: turned to him, I wonder if you haven't mistaken your medium,
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: I said, what the hell do you mean? I think
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: you are trying to say something. I don't quite know
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: what it is, but I'm not sure that the best
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: way of saying it is by means of painting. When
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: I imagined that, on seeing his pictures, I should get
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: a clue of the understanding of his strange character, I
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: was mistaken. They merely increased the astonishment with which he
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: filled me. I was more at sea than ever. The
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: only thing that seemed clear to me, and perhaps even
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: this was fanciful, was that he was passionately striving for
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: liberation from some power that held him. But what the
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: power was and what line the liberation would take remained obscure.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Each one of us is alone in the world. He
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: is shut in a tower of brass, and can communicate
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: with his fellows only by signs, and the signs have
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: no common value, so that their sense is vague and uncertain.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: We seek pitifully to convey to others the treasures of
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: our heart, but they have not the power to accept them,
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: and so we go lonely, side by side but not together,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: unable to know our fellows, and unknown by them. We
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: are like people living in a country whose language they
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: know so little, that, with all manner of beautiful and
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: profound things to say, they are condemned to the banalities
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: of the conversation manual. Their brain is seething with ideas,
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: and they can only tell you that the umbrella of
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: the gardener's aunt is in the house. The final impression
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I received was of a prodigious effort to express some
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: state of the soul, And in this effort I fancied
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: must be sought the explanation of what so utterly perplexed me.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: It was evident that colors and forms had a significance
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: for Strickland that was peculiar to himself. He was under
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: an intolerable necessity to convey something that he felt, and
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: he created them with that intention alone. He did not
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: hesitate to simplify or to distort if he could get
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: nearer to that unknown thing he sought. Facts were nothing
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: to him, for beneath the mass of irrelevant incidents, he
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: looked for something significant to himself. It was as though
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: he had become aware of the soul of the universe
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: and were compelled to express it. Though these pictures confused
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: and puzzled me, I could not be unmoved by the
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: emotion that was patent in them. And I knew not why.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I felt in myself a feeling that, with regard to Strickland,
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: was the last I had ever expected to experience. I
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: felt an overwhelming compassion. I think I know now why
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: you surrendered to your feeling for Blanche Strove. I said
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: to him why. I think your courage failed. The weakness
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: of your body communicated itself to your soul. I do
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: not know what infinite yearning possesses you so that you
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: are driven to a perilous, lonely search for some goal
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: where you expect to find a final release from the
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: spirit that torments you. I see you as the eternal
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: pilgrim to some shrine that perhaps does not exist. I
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: do not know to what inscrutable nirvana you aim, do
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: you know yourself? Perhaps it is truth and freedom that
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: you seek, and for a moment you thought that you
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: might find release in love. I think your tired soul
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: sought rest in a woman's arms, and when you found
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: no rest there, you hated her. You had no pity
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: for her, because you have no pity for yourself, and
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: you killed her out of fear, because you trembled still
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: at the danger you had barely escaped. He smiled dryly
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: and pulled his beard. You are a dreadful sentimentalist, my
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: poor friend. A week later I heard by chance that
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: Strickland had gone to Marseilles. I never saw him again,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: So ends chapter forty two.