Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 73 | A Koala with Terrible Purpose
Transcript
- 0:00Eric: Matt?
- 0:01SPEAKER_05: Yeah, what's up?
- 0:02Eric: I had this idea at like 2 a.m.
- 0:04Eric: Here's what's gonna happen.
- 0:05Eric: I'm just gonna start talking, and every time you hear something that you like or agree with, you go yes.
- 0:11Eric: Okay?
- 0:12Matt: Okay, and if I don't, what do I do?
- 0:14Matt: I I can rant and rant.
- 0:15Eric: Uh you you you you just sit there and you stay silent.
- 0:20Matt: So I don't get to say no, I only get to stay silent.
- 0:23Eric: Yes.
- 0:26Eric: I will appreciate you for it.
- 0:27Matt: Okay.
- 0:28Eric: Matt, I want to write a play with you that we will star in.
- 0:33Eric: Yes.
- 0:34Eric: It will be a play about Bob Ross and William Alexander, his teacher.
- 0:42Matt: Yes.
- 0:43Eric: William Alexander, who pioneered the wet on wet painting method, who is the very angry German man.
- 0:49Eric: Matt.
- 0:50Eric: Okay, it is a dark comedy.
- 0:52Eric: It is a the length of the play will be the length of an episode of the joy of painting.
- 0:59Eric: Yes.
- 1:00Eric: Matt, the entire time one of us is playing Bob Ross, one of us is playing William Alexander, and we are each painting the same painting.
- 1:09SPEAKER_05: Eric.
- 1:10Eric: Yes.
- 1:11Eric: So we're so each of us is doing like monologues about You're reading from something.
- 1:18Eric: Oh yeah.
- 1:18Matt: I I started taking notes about You're looking off character a camera at notes, something you and I do not mean to be insulting, have never done on this show.
- 1:29Eric: Never done.
- 1:29Eric: I was so jazzed about this, I had to do it.
- 1:32Eric: You wrote down a vision.
- 1:33Eric: So we write a play together about Bob Ross and William Alexander.
- 1:37Eric: We are playing the titular roles.
- 1:38Eric: We are both spending the entire length of the play, which is the length of an episode of one of their shows, painting a painting, doing monologues about our fucking relationship, because like I know it got really tense for them at the end and like it got really kind of bitter.
- 1:55Eric: Absolutely.
- 1:56Eric: And then at the end of the show, like, so like each step of the show is like when we're just painting the the canvas white, we're starting with our titanium white, we're like laying the foundations of how we met and like our relationship.
- 2:10Eric: And as we go into more detail in like of the painting, it's more and more like gritty detail about our lives and our relationship together.
- 2:19Eric: That's amazing.
- 2:21Matt: And then at the end of the show, after I'm not even blowing smoke up your ass.
- 2:25Matt: This sounds like a great play.
- 2:27Eric: I I can see how excited you are, and it makes me so happy.
- 2:30Eric: And at the end of the show, after creating these paintings for 27 minutes, that's the average length of a Bob Ross episode.
- 2:38Eric: We destroy the paintings while fighting each other.
- 2:44Eric: Okay.
- 2:46Matt: Quite the right turn at the end.
- 2:48Matt: Yes.
- 2:49Eric: But we don't have to fight each other, but I think at the end, we just we spent the audiences painting this thing the entire time.
- 2:56Eric: At the end, we have to find some reason to just do like we walk over and destroy each other's paintings.
- 3:03Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
- 3:05Matt: Absolutely.
- 3:06Matt: And this is such a good callback for so many things.
- 3:09Matt: First of all, our third episode, of course, the one and only time so far we've done an unlikely fight is Bob Ross and B.
- 3:15Matt: Arthur.
- 3:16Matt: So Bob Ross is a special place in this podcast's heart.
- 3:19Matt: But also, I took this trip with uh Lindsay and our daft giants, Sarah and Carissa, who've both been on the show.
- 3:27Matt: They uh we had this Airbnb that got the Bob Ross channel, something I didn't know existed.
- 3:36Matt: And we we were flipping channels, just like put something on TV while we were like doing stuff in the house, like unpacking and stuff, and found the Bob Ross channel, and we never changed the channel again.
- 3:48Matt: And I made it a point every time to come in when we came in, I would turn on Bob Ross and just watch him.
- 3:54Matt: And sometimes a couple of the nights when everybody else was went to bed, and I was like, okay, I'm just gonna wind down with some Bob Ross.
- 4:03Matt: I just like turn on Bob Ross and zend the fuck out with him.
- 4:07Matt: And uh my parents were talking, I told the story to my parents, and they were like, oh man, we you know, we used to get down with Bob Ross, and I I try, I remember trying to do some of the paint-alongs, and I thought, you know, we're going to my parents for Christmas this year, and I thought, maybe just maybe I should get some canvases, get a set, and just turn on a Bob Ross and be like, it's a family activity.
- 4:33Matt: We're all painting happy little trees.
- 4:35Eric: Hell yeah.
- 4:36Eric: That's great.
- 4:36Eric: Me, me and Alyssa and like the the how like we want we want to have Bob Ross nights where we just hang out, like do it, chill, and we watch Bob Ross and paint.
- 4:45Eric: Because like it'd be so amazing.
- 4:48Eric: Please do if I'm invited, bro.
- 4:49Eric: You're invited.
- 4:50Eric: If I'm invited, bro, you're invited.
- 4:51Eric: I'm gonna need you to I'm gonna need us both to learn how to do wet on wet oil painting real fast.
- 4:57Matt: Bob's gonna, but that but that's the whole point.
- 5:00Eric: Anybody can paint paint.
- 5:02Eric: And and if you kids, if you ever get a chance, also do watch William Alexander's show because he's the guy who taught Bob Ross, and his vibe is so wildly different.
- 5:13Eric: Like Bob is so calm and chill, and William Alexander is literally yelling at the canvas as he as he is like, you better fire it.
- 5:22Eric: He he loves saying fire it.
- 5:24Eric: He's like, fire it onto the canvas, fire it.
- 5:28Matt: Now, now, Eric, there's an obvious question here.
- 5:31Matt: Yeah, who plays who?
- 5:35Eric: Well, either myself or Paul Diem has to play Bob Ross, and you play William Alexander.
- 5:41Matt: I thought you said this was no with all due respect to our first guest, Paul Diem.
- 5:46Matt: I thought you said this was between us.
- 5:48Eric: This is between us, but god damn it, like Paul Diem.
- 5:51Matt: You wrote a two-hander for us, and you're already giving my fucking part away?
- 5:54Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- 5:56Eric: You just you as William Alexander.
- 5:59Eric: I said either me or Paul Diem as Bob Ross.
- 6:03Eric: But we're gonna have to make you look old and jerky.
- 6:06Matt: I'm trying to find out how tall the man is.
- 6:08Matt: I can't seem to do it.
- 6:10Matt: Yeah, the magic of oil painting.
- 6:12Matt: Uh uh neither one of us look anything like this man.
- 6:16Matt: No.
- 6:17Matt: We're gonna have to have a bald cap on for sure.
- 6:19Eric: We're gonna have to get you a bald cap, we're gonna have to stuff some pillows up in your costume.
- 6:23Matt: I can I can admit you about uh uh 50 years.
- 6:27Matt: It does I can admit that I uh based on your description, I can see where I fit in, at least in the like in the in the context of this show, yeah, as the the ranty one.
- 6:41Matt: Yeah.
- 6:42Matt: And I think uh I think you've set me up to be the villain.
- 6:49Matt: And I just hope that that that isn't the case, and that won't continue as we progress in this episode.
- 7:01Matt: That's all I hope.
- 7:13Matt: Well, hello everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask For This, the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions.
- 7:22Matt: As always, my name is Matthew Shay.
- 7:24Matt: And as per usual, my name is Eric Poach.
- 7:28Matt: And joining us today is one of the OG, you daft giants.
- 7:35Matt: He's been with us from the beginning.
- 7:37Matt: He's been one of our original fans, and somehow, someway, he's still listening to our bullshit to this very day.
- 7:45Matt: He's a local DC Maryland actor.
- 7:48Matt: He's also somewhat of a competitive eater.
- 7:50Matt: That's right, all the way back to eating challenges with us in college, Eric.
- 7:56Matt: You remember?
- 7:56Eric: Oh, I remember fondly.
- 7:58Matt: And and today, uh, can claim that he's done the Texas Roadhouse Steak Challenge in 30 minutes.
- 8:04Matt: That's a fact.
- 8:05Matt: He asked me to say, it's Alexander Kafarakis, Alex Kafarakis.
- 8:11Matt: Welcome to the show.
- 8:11Matt: Cookleok.
- 8:15Matt: Hello, hello, hello.
- 8:16Matt: Oh my god, it's been a long time coming, my friend.
- 8:18SPEAKER_06: Oh god, yeah.
- 8:19SPEAKER_06: It's just let me just say, just sitting with you both, it just warms my soul.
- 8:24Eric: I I I find that hard to believe, but you know what?
- 8:27Eric: It's my job to believe you.
- 8:28Eric: Your hair is immaculate, and I'm kind of pissed off that no one can see it.
- 8:33Eric: It's fine.
- 8:34Eric: It it you've got such good swoosh going.
- 8:37Eric: No, you got a great swoosh, you Grecian god.
- 8:41SPEAKER_06: And you're wearing uh the cicadas shirt.
- 8:45SPEAKER_06: Yeah, sorry.
- 8:46SPEAKER_06: Sorry for the listeners at home, but you're missing out some sweet swag.
- 8:50Matt: You're it I wish we thought of it, and that it could be the watcher that we're looking at.
- 8:56Eric: Oh, Alex, you god among ants, you champion of yeahs.
- 9:03Matt: Yes, yes.
- 9:05Matt: You do uh Yeah Ya watch on Facebook and elsewhere has has really grown.
- 9:11Matt: Exploded from uh do you want to talk about that at all?
- 9:14SPEAKER_06: I'll say that it's getting out of control for me personally, because I recently had a son, he's gonna be turning two on the 27th.
- 9:25SPEAKER_06: And for those of us that have children, know that when you have a kid, they come first and sure.
- 9:32SPEAKER_06: Oh they you know, they uh they take up more time than you thought before you had them.
- 9:37SPEAKER_06: So having the time for everything in life is a is a challenge.
- 9:42SPEAKER_06: So when you are in COVID mode and there's nothing to do because no one's doing anything, you could crank out a couple little grandma videos cooking stuff up.
- 9:52Matt: But then when you Oh, I thought you were gonna say crank out a couple kids.
- 9:54Matt: Oh no, no, no.
- 9:55Matt: You could, you could.
- 9:56Matt: I g I mean I guess you did in this economy.
- 10:01SPEAKER_06: It's just it's been really hard to like stay focused on it because I get any any this I don't know if this sounds bad, but any Greek person I meet almost knows her because of YouTube, and they're just like, You're you're Yaya Watch guy, right?
- 10:17SPEAKER_06: You edit them?
- 10:18SPEAKER_06: When's the next episode coming out?
- 10:20Matt: You're like, haha, I don't know.
- 10:23Matt: Can you and what is the handle for people who want to check out all these amazing videos of your Yaya?
- 10:28SPEAKER_06: So Yaya, for listeners who may or may not know, is Greek for grandmother.
- 10:34SPEAKER_06: Yaya.
- 10:35SPEAKER_06: So I love and cherish my sweet little Yaya, and uh, we have her cooking things up on YouTube and Facebook, and her her handle is Yaya Watch.
- 10:46SPEAKER_06: Y-I-A-Y-I-A Watch.
- 10:48SPEAKER_06: All one word.
- 10:49SPEAKER_06: And you should be able to find her with hashtags.
- 10:52Eric: Yeah, you'll know you'll know you found her when you see objectively the sweetest, cutest, smallest little ya-ya you ever did see.
- 11:02Eric: She's a sweetheart.
- 11:03Eric: Impossible to edit.
- 11:04SPEAKER_06: This woman.
- 11:05SPEAKER_06: I've you you melt her down to like 15 minutes when it's like there's a solid two hours of her talking.
- 11:14Matt: She is verbose, that's all that means.
- 11:16Matt: Oh, for sure.
- 11:17Matt: She's a storyteller.
- 11:18Matt: She's uh it's the broken eagle.
- 11:20Matt: And hasn't she wouldn't you say she's earned that right?
- 11:23Matt: She has.
- 11:23Matt: She has.
- 11:24Matt: She's she's a queen in her own right.
- 11:26Matt: Absolutely.
- 11:27Matt: And I'm curious, I mean, she's not here to speak for herself, but what is uh what would you say are her thoughts on the divine secrets of the Yaya sisterhood?
- 11:38SPEAKER_03: If do you want me to be honest on that one?
- 11:40SPEAKER_03: Yeah, sure.
- 11:41SPEAKER_03: She would have a noise.
- 11:42SPEAKER_03: She's got no idea what you're talking about.
- 11:49Matt: I I could, you're Googling.
- 11:52Matt: I wanted to get the date.
- 11:54Matt: I wanted to get the date.
- 11:57Matt: Everyone knows just because I'm looking down at Wikipedia does not mean that I wasn't aware of the divine secrets of the Yaya sisterhood prior to making the joke.
- 12:05Matt: The sisterhood of the traveling Yaya pants.
- 12:07SPEAKER_06: Yaya pants.
- 12:08Matt: How dare you open up the curtain to the listeners like this, Eric?
- 12:12Matt: First of all.
- 12:13Eric: In front of a guest.
- 12:14Eric: I'm sorry.
- 12:15Eric: We have company.
- 12:16Eric: I'll I'll rein it in.
- 12:18Eric: Damn you.
- 12:20Matt: Okay.
- 12:21Matt: Alright.
- 12:22Matt: So so so here's the situation, Calf.
- 12:25Matt: You know full well that we answer life's least pressing questions here on this here uh podcast.
- 12:30Matt: Only the greatest.
- 12:31Matt: Now, do you have some of them questions for us to put these little noodles to work on?
- 12:38SPEAKER_06: So I do, I've I've brought my own.
- 12:41SPEAKER_06: I didn't feel it was uh proper to dig up old ones that I've already sent you because these things have already been in your mind.
- 12:48SPEAKER_06: They've already been in those noggins, they've already been a churning.
- 12:51SPEAKER_06: I've got a couple that I did pull up that have been tickling the the brainage, uh, but I just went to a weird uh I went to a weird place when I was thinking of these.
- 13:01SPEAKER_06: For some reason, like childhood childhood nostalgia popped in, and a lot of it has to do with just like animation.
- 13:09SPEAKER_06: So I am buckled in.
- 13:11SPEAKER_06: I am so fucking ready.
- 13:12SPEAKER_06: Some of them are animation, some of them are from books that have been read, but I'm gonna hit you with let's see here, there's one, two.
- 13:18SPEAKER_06: I have four in front of me right here.
- 13:20SPEAKER_06: Okay, so let's see if you want to pitch any of these.
- 13:23SPEAKER_06: So pitch 'em, baby, pitch em.
- 13:25SPEAKER_06: Uh the first one is which animated duck has the best life?
- 13:30SPEAKER_06: Okay.
- 13:31SPEAKER_06: Love it.
- 13:32SPEAKER_06: Love it.
- 13:32SPEAKER_06: That's a great one.
- 13:33SPEAKER_06: That's we'll put that on the quiver.
- 13:35SPEAKER_06: If Winnie the Pooh is a living stuffed bear, where does all the honey go?
- 13:40SPEAKER_06: Very good.
- 13:41SPEAKER_06: Very good.
- 13:41SPEAKER_06: Very good.
- 13:42SPEAKER_06: And then I had a friend break my heart when they uh brought up that uh the animated series gargoyles is a a lie because there's a difference between a gargoyle, which is a decorated waterspout that projects from a roof and carries water away from the walls and buildings, and then a grotesque, which is a decorative carving that has no function or architectural purpose.
- 14:09SPEAKER_06: Okay.
- 14:10SPEAKER_06: So would Disney still be able to sell gargoyles if they were called the grotests?
- 14:17Matt: Okay, we we can potentially chat on that.
- 14:20Matt: I uh something jumps to mind immediately about that.
- 14:23Matt: Uh, and what's your fourth one?
- 14:24SPEAKER_06: If Speich Melange was a real space, what food would you put it on on a day-to-day basis?
- 14:30SPEAKER_06: What an amazing Dune specific question.
- 14:33Eric: Ah, yes.
- 14:35Eric: God start me off with cartoon ducks and then drag me into Dune.
- 14:40Matt: Drag me into the dunes of hell with the melange.
- 14:44Matt: Um, yeah.
- 14:45Matt: All right, so let's talk ducks.
- 14:46Matt: I think we're definitely in on that.
- 14:49Matt: So uh I don't have any tabs open.
- 14:52Matt: I couldn't come prepared for the ducks, but I'm gonna name some ducks off the the top of the dome here.
- 14:58Matt: Daffy.
- 14:59Matt: We've got uh Scrooge McDuck.
- 15:01Eric: Scrooge McDuck.
- 15:02Eric: We have Darkwing Duck.
- 15:04Eric: Darkwing duck.
- 15:06Eric: Uh uh Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
- 15:09Matt: Huey, Dewey, and even Louie.
- 15:11Matt: Uh Howard the Duck.
- 15:14Matt: Howard the Duck, of course.
- 15:16Matt: Who could forget?
- 15:18Matt: Um what other ducks are there?
- 15:20Matt: There, oh, there's more.
- 15:21SPEAKER_06: We've we've got a you're only scratching the surface here.
- 15:24SPEAKER_06: I know, I know Alex.
- 15:25SPEAKER_06: Throw him out there.
- 15:26SPEAKER_06: Yeah, thank you.
- 15:27SPEAKER_06: I mean, you're you're not gonna uh a ton of the biggens.
- 15:29SPEAKER_06: I mean, I'm always called baby Huey, who is the old old school cartoon duck, but does he have the best life?
- 15:36SPEAKER_06: No, he's a baby.
- 15:38SPEAKER_06: It's a big old baby.
- 15:39SPEAKER_06: It's a big old baby.
- 15:40Matt: Okay, I I have pulled up the Wikipedia article List of Fictional Ducks in Animation.
- 15:46unknown: Yep.
- 15:47Matt: And there's donate today.
- 15:49Matt: There are, first of all, so many that I can't even begin to start listing them.
- 15:57Matt: One of which that jumps out right away that has his own article is Beduce from Breadwinners Nickelodeon Animated Studios.
- 16:08Matt: I don't know what even to say about that.
- 16:10Eric: Right.
- 16:11Matt: Count Ducula.
- 16:14Matt: Dewey Duck.
- 16:15Matt: Donald Duck, of course.
- 16:16Matt: How could we have we we said we said Daffy, but not Donald.
- 16:20Matt: The Duck Brothers from Courage the Cowardly Dog.
- 16:23Matt: I forgot about that.
- 16:24Matt: The evil yuck.
- 16:25Matt: Oh Lequac?
- 16:27Matt: Is he one of the brothers?
- 16:28Matt: Lequac.
- 16:29Matt: There's the whole Duck Man universe.
- 16:32Matt: Yeah.
- 16:33Matt: And then every duck in DuckTales.
- 16:36Matt: Which includes a name that just popped up.
- 16:38Matt: Ludwig von Drake is a DuckTales original.
- 16:42Eric: Uh, there's also Disney is about to pour out.
- 16:46Eric: We saw a preview for this during the Barbie movie.
- 16:48Eric: There is going to be a Disney animated that's just about ducks migrating south for winter.
- 16:54SPEAKER_06: And yeah, they goof and they go to New York.
- 16:56Eric: Yeah, they just they just fuck around in New York ducking it up.
- 17:00Matt: Got to.
- 17:01Matt: Um, yeah, so we got lots of ducks.
- 17:03Matt: So I the first duck that comes to mind for me is Scrooge McDuck.
- 17:08Matt: Because he does have a water tower full of gold coins.
- 17:15Matt: That's hard to ignore.
- 17:16Eric: That is his superpower is rich.
- 17:20Matt: Yes, his his his job, according to the the Kenniverse, is rich.
- 17:27Eric: But is he the does he have the best life?
- 17:30Eric: Because like it seems like the thing is Scrooge.
- 17:32Matt: That's the hardest.
- 17:33Matt: Yeah.
- 17:33Matt: Yeah.
- 17:34Matt: Truly.
- 17:34Matt: I mean, that's the whole point of Scrooge, the the the the classic character, right?
- 17:39Matt: Is like, he's got all this money, but he has no love and compassion in his heart.
- 17:45Eric: And his three little dumbass nephews just keep making his life miserable.
- 17:52Matt: I would also argue that Daffy Duck is in a constant state of rage about one thing or another.
- 18:03Matt: So can we say he is like happy?
- 18:07Matt: Same with uh de uh with Donald Duck.
- 18:10Matt: Just say it.
- 18:12Matt: First of all, Donald is a military man.
- 18:15Matt: Okay.
- 18:15Matt: All right.
- 18:16Matt: We know this.
- 18:16Matt: Alright.
- 18:17Matt: Is he not?
- 18:18Matt: He's in a navy.
- 18:19Eric: He is, he is.
- 18:19Eric: He's wearing a lot of people who are not going to be able to do that.
- 18:20SPEAKER_06: I believe he's been honorably discharged after his service in World War II.
- 18:26Matt: He I think you are correct about that.
- 18:28Matt: He was in the Navy, and he goes around his life not wearing any pants.
- 18:34Matt: What a way to live.
- 18:35Eric: Well, oh it it's amazing.
- 18:36Eric: If I'm ever you ever just Donald Duckett?
- 18:40Eric: You ever just walk around your house with justice?
- 18:43Matt: I Donald Ducked it earlier today.
- 18:44Eric: Yeah, I I s yeah.
- 18:46Eric: I stayed up.
- 18:47Matt: Also known as Winnie the Pooing.
- 18:49Eric: Also known as Winnie the Pooing.
- 18:51Matt: Several decades after World War II, on account of the fact that Donald was never officially separated from service in either his animated shorts or his short comic scripts, as part of Donald's 50th birthday celebrations during the 25th annual Torrance, California Armed Forces Day Parade.
- 19:08Matt: The U.S.
- 19:09Matt: Army retired Donald Duck from active duty as a quote Buck Sergeant, i.e., Buck Sergeant Duck.
- 19:18Matt: So there you go.
- 19:19Eric: Buck if you duck.
- 19:20Matt: He's a veteran.
- 19:21Eric: He is a veteran.
- 19:22Eric: But does he have the best life?
- 19:24Eric: Like right now, like Scrooge, too much money, too many problems.
- 19:28Eric: Daffy, too angry.
- 19:30Eric: Donald, probably too battle scarred.
- 19:33Matt: Huey Dewey Louie.
- 19:35Matt: They've they don't quite have the life experience, I'd say.
- 19:38Eric: Yeah, but they seem to be having a blast, like 100% of the time.
- 19:45Eric: That seems to be working in their favor.
- 19:47Eric: It seems like Huey Dewey and Louie just get to do whatever they want forever, and then the the grown-up responsible for them has to figure out a way to fix it.
- 20:01Matt: Now, what about Drake Mallard, aka the Darkwing Duck?
- 20:08Eric: Duck Wien duh!
- 20:09Matt: He's a superhero.
- 20:11Matt: There's that to be there's that to contend with, and with great power, I'm told, comes great responsibility.
- 20:20Matt: Sorry, Matt.
- 20:21unknown: Darkwien duh!
- 20:23Eric: Had to get the second one in.
- 20:24Eric: Let's get dangerous.
- 20:26Eric: Okay.
- 20:26Eric: Yeah, he he seems to be having a pretty kick-ass existence.
- 20:30Eric: Good gadgets, sick car, got that grappling hook.
- 20:34Eric: Mm-hmm.
- 20:35Eric: Mm-hmm.
- 20:36Eric: He seems edgy, but not tormented.
- 20:38Eric: You know what I mean?
- 20:40Matt: Yeah, he's always a smiling.
- 20:42Matt: He's you know, he's it's not like Batman who's plagued by his responsibility.
- 20:47Eric: No, yeah, he's like having the time of his life.
- 20:51SPEAKER_06: Is DW his niece or his daughter?
- 20:54SPEAKER_06: I I wanna say niece.
- 20:56SPEAKER_06: I want to say niece too, but I was gonna say he's a very successful uh parent because it's just him, other than launchpad.
- 21:05SPEAKER_06: But is that is that duck honestly raising a child?
- 21:09Matt: I don't think I don't think so.
- 21:10Matt: I don't think it's f fair to say.
- 21:14Eric: Oh, oh, it is his nine-year-old uh Gosselin Mallard is his nine-year-old adoptive daughter, and an unstoppable bundle of energy and spunk.
- 21:25Matt: We have mostly focused on the the duck tails uh universe, the Looney Tunes, I guess, universe, really.
- 21:37Matt: Is there any other duck that really sticks out outside of that that that can compete?
- 21:43Matt: I'm looking at the list.
- 21:45Matt: I'm not seeing anything that, to me, realistically competes on a on a reputational level.
- 21:52Eric: On a reputational level, no, but on a pure has the best life mode, I do I would be remiss if I didn't speak.
- 22:00Eric: Up for my boy Launchpad McQuack.
- 22:02Eric: Launchpad, who was the pilot in both DuckTales, and he was like the pilot for DW in Darkwing.
- 22:13SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 22:14Eric: Famously, like uh, I think his tagline was if it has wings, I can crash it.
- 22:19Eric: Like, this dude crashes planes left and right, has the time of his life pulling crazy stunts, but then walks away unscathed from every fucking accident.
- 22:27Eric: Like he's never harmed in any of the places.
- 22:30Eric: Never harmed.
- 22:30Matt: He's like that in that regard, he's a little like that guy who the like unluckiest man in the world who's been like struck by lightning like five times and has been in all these terrible accidents and stuff, and uh somehow was still going.
- 22:46Matt: He's a little like that, and only he's coming out completely clean on the other side.
- 22:51Matt: So from a pure luck standpoint, it was pretty good life.
- 22:56Eric: Yeah, I mean, look at this dude.
- 22:58Eric: He's just he's a handsome man.
- 23:00Eric: He's a handsome man.
- 23:02Eric: I never seen him, never seen him frown.
- 23:04Eric: Never seen he's just out, he's like, I'm here to wear my little scarf, my goggles, you know, fly planes, do loop de loop.
- 23:10Matt: He's got a he's got that chest all puffed out, ready to go, because he's confident.
- 23:15Matt: Yeah, with absolutely no reason to to to be confident.
- 23:21Matt: Like, there's no justification for that confidence.
- 23:23Matt: He crashes everything.
- 23:24Matt: But honestly, terrible at his job.
- 23:27Eric: But honestly, though, like if you're flying with launch pad, A, you know the plane's gonna crash.
- 23:34Eric: But B, you're gonna be fine.
- 23:37Eric: The plane's not gonna be okay.
- 23:39Matt: But you're you're saying it's a little like when you buy a ticket to Spirit, you know uh the level of quality flight you're gonna get.
- 23:49Eric: Exactly.
- 23:49Eric: You know what you're gonna say.
- 23:50Matt: So you're saying you sign up for that when you get on board with uh launchpad?
- 23:54Eric: Well, yeah, and this is kind of the the philosophical conundrum.
- 23:58Eric: Would you rather fly in any other airline where you're not nearly you're not nearly as likely to crash, but if you do crash in any other airline, that's that's Rip City.
- 24:07Eric: That's it's curtains.
- 24:08Eric: Good night, babes.
- 24:10Eric: Uh, but if you fly with launch pad but quack, you are going to crash 100% of the time, but you're gonna walk right out of it.
- 24:18Eric: Like you're gonna be fine.
- 24:19Eric: You get to live through a plane crash with launch pad.
- 24:23Matt: Yeah, that I mean that well, do we know if anyone else walks away?
- 24:30Eric: Yeah, yeah.
- 24:31Eric: Hold on.
- 24:31Eric: Let me let me Google uh what is the fatality rate for launchpad McQuax flights?
- 24:39Matt: That is something we need to know.
- 24:42Matt: Let's see.
- 24:43Eric: I don't think anyone's ever been injured.
- 24:46Eric: While a skillful pilot, he's very bad at landing and almost always crashes instead.
- 24:51Eric: But to his credit, he and his passengers always survive such crashes.
- 24:57Matt: So, really, it's the best roller coaster you've ever been on.
- 25:01Eric: Yeah.
- 25:02Eric: And you're guaranteed to get chased by like this week's villain.
- 25:07Matt: And you're gonna come out clean on the other side.
- 25:10unknown: Yeah.
- 25:11Matt: I think I like it.
- 25:11Matt: Ca calf, what do you have to say?
- 25:14SPEAKER_06: Launchpad seems to be the the winner in my eyes, but I the the thing that just popped into my head was there is another round of Disney ducks that could be living an even better life, and that's the animated Mighty Ducks series.
- 25:33SPEAKER_06: Oh can you be a quack quack hockey duck from a different dimension that didn't even know what hockey was until they came to Earth and started playing hockey?
- 25:47Eric: Mm-hmm.
- 25:48Eric: I can't I can't in good faith look at my friend Alex Kafarakis and say that that is not the coolest fucking thing I've ever heard.
- 25:57SPEAKER_06: Like, are you living your best life?
- 25:59SPEAKER_06: Like, you're gone, you're not in that old universe.
- 26:02SPEAKER_06: I don't even know what those ducks are doing.
- 26:04SPEAKER_06: They're almost like Howard the Duck, but better.
- 26:06Matt: Yeah, because they can't.
- 26:07Matt: And we haven't even touched on Howard the Duck, by the way.
- 26:10Matt: And I don't think we need to.
- 26:12SPEAKER_06: No, Howard Howard is not living his best life.
- 26:15SPEAKER_06: The man's always looking to score, never gets it.
- 26:18Eric: And he looks, every time I see him, he looks fucking rough.
- 26:23Matt: And these days, where do most people see him in the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise as a prisoner?
- 26:30Matt: He's a pet.
- 26:31Matt: He's a part of a collection.
- 26:32Matt: Yeah, he's part of a collection.
- 26:35Matt: So I don't think I don't think we can even discuss him.
- 26:37Matt: I just wanted to put a button on him since we we discussed him earlier.
- 26:40Eric: I think the intergalactic mighty ducks, I think that that pretty much seals it for me.
- 26:47Eric: Hold on, let me just remind myself what they look like, because I think it's something so fucking cool that like my brain locked it out.
- 26:53SPEAKER_06: So let me ask you this, Poach.
- 26:56SPEAKER_06: To live your best life, wouldn't you want your head nemesis to be voiced by Tim Curry?
- 27:04Eric: Yeah.
- 27:06Eric: Yeah, I super do.
- 27:08SPEAKER_06: Lord Dragoonus, baby boy.
- 27:10Eric: Oh my god, yeah.
- 27:11SPEAKER_06: Your arch nemesis is a dragon man voiced by Tim Curry.
- 27:15SPEAKER_06: I love that.
- 27:16SPEAKER_06: Oh man, and look at it.
- 27:18Eric: They're all so jacked.
- 27:20SPEAKER_06: Like they're all r they're all jacked and attractive ducks.
- 27:24Matt: I mean, you know, they're a late edition, but I think they might take it.
- 27:29Matt: I think they take it.
- 27:30Matt: First of all, they they they've been to space.
- 27:33SPEAKER_05: They've been to space.
- 27:34SPEAKER_05: They're from space.
- 27:36SPEAKER_05: There's a fracture.
- 27:37SPEAKER_05: They even got to get the in-between of space.
- 27:39SPEAKER_05: That's right.
- 27:40SPEAKER_05: They got it.
- 27:40SPEAKER_05: Because you go to a different reality.
- 27:42SPEAKER_05: Um let's give it to them.
- 27:46Eric: Yeah, I think we have a winner.
- 27:47Eric: Winner, winner, d d duckin' dinner.
- 27:50Matt: That's dinner?
- 27:51Matt: First of all, that's inappropriate for this conversation.
- 27:54Matt: Uh you're awarding them a dinner of their peers.
- 27:58Matt: So that that doesn't feel nice.
- 28:04Matt: That doesn't feel nice to me.
- 28:06Matt: But anyway.
- 28:08Matt: I give it to them.
- 28:09Matt: Yeah.
- 28:10Matt: Are we in agreement?
- 28:11Matt: The mightiest ducks.
- 28:12Matt: The mightiest of ducks.
- 28:14Matt: Whole team.
- 28:15Matt: All right.
- 28:16SPEAKER_03: Whole team.
- 28:17Matt: Alright, well, hey.
- 28:18Matt: Knock that one out.
- 28:20Matt: Uh what what next, Poach?
- 28:22Eric: Hold on.
- 28:24Eric: I've already forgotten these beautiful questions.
- 28:25Eric: There's the Winnie the Pooh one.
- 28:27Eric: Where does the honey go?
- 28:30Matt: Where does the honey go?
- 28:32Eric: He is a stuffed bear eating fistfuls of honey.
- 28:37Eric: He is L deep in that H-U-N-N-I, baby.
- 28:44Matt: I hate to say this.
- 28:47Matt: But right off the bat, one could say Isn't everything we see couldn't everything we see be interpreted as a hallucinogenic vision of Christopher Robin.
- 29:03Matt: And therefore there is no honey.
- 29:06Eric: Hallucinogenic here meaning through the eyes and imagination of a child, a child which lives within all of us, Matthew.
- 29:13Matt: Yes, yes, absolutely.
- 29:15Matt: A troubled child who believes that he if he runs deep enough into a 100-acre forest, he can escape all of his problems, and he can escape the pressures of society and his classmates around him who treat him like a complete and utter loser.
- 29:38unknown: Now, mate!
- 29:39Eric: I was I just wanted to talk about cute little stuff.
- 29:42Eric: Teddy Bear eating lots of.
- 29:45Matt: I didn't say hey, I didn't say I subscribe to that.
- 29:48Matt: I'm just saying couldn't won.
- 29:50Matt: I'm just one look at it as a crazed vision of a child.
- 29:57Matt: You could.
- 29:59Matt: Isn't this the Calvin and Hobbes situation as well?
- 30:01Matt: Same situation, same situation.
- 30:03Matt: It is.
- 30:04Matt: Don't look at me like I'm a villain.
- 30:06Matt: That's all I'm saying.
- 30:08Matt: I'm just bringing up option number one, in which case the honey doesn't enter into the equation.
- 30:14Matt: Otherwise, what are we looking at?
- 30:18Matt: That's my question.
- 30:19Matt: Yeah.
- 30:20Matt: If it's real, Eric, if it's real, yeah, okay, how does it become real?
- 30:26Eric: If that bear is really just going all in on that honey pot.
- 30:32Matt: Just my question is, my leading question is, if it's real, how is it real?
- 30:40Matt: I I I yield the floor to you.
- 30:42Matt: Go.
- 30:43Eric: Well, I mean, like, I don't think it's outside of the realm of possibility, even if this is just imaginary bear, the little Christopher Robbins just sitting there uh with his little stuffed teddy bear, just shoving his little fist in the little honeypot and gramming it and shoving it in his face.
- 30:59Eric: Now I will hit you with my my fan theory that is percolating as I as I say these words.
- 31:06Eric: I feel like Winnie the Pooh Bear is a generic enough bear doll.
- 31:10Eric: I guarantee you that the poo we know wasn't the first or even the last.
- 31:16Eric: I I uh I know a bunch of parents who like once they find a toy their kid like loves, they buy like 20 of those suckers.
- 31:23Eric: If it's like a cheap toy, the like stuffed animal, just have them on back end.
- 31:27Eric: I think we are dealing with like with a prestige style, you know.
- 31:33Eric: Eric.
- 31:34Eric: What?
- 31:35Eric: Eric.
- 31:35Eric: Yeah.
- 31:37Matt: First of all, I want you to know this is a safe space.
- 31:42Matt: Did your parents replace your favorite stuffed animal?
- 31:46Eric: No, they did not, but it was it was worn into nothingness by the time I was done with it.
- 31:53Eric: A little Peter Cottontail.
- 31:55Matt: If if you first of all, if you do this, parents, just know you don't have my support.
- 32:03Eric: Oh my god, you got my support.
- 32:04Eric: You ever try to console a child who just lost their most beloved stuffed animal to the trash can?
- 32:10Matt: You'd well, why would it be going in the trash can?
- 32:12SPEAKER_05: Because he's been mashing its little face in honey, Matt.
- 32:16Matt: So you fucking wash it, Eric, and he lives a life and he has character.
- 32:21Matt: He has character, he has matted fur with character to it.
- 32:25Matt: Bro.
- 32:25Matt: Just gonna replace your fucking bear?
- 32:27Matt: Bro, I don't think so.
- 32:29Eric: Bruh, bruh, you got that little little bear fucking bobbin for apples and honey.
- 32:34Eric: Sit down.
- 32:34Eric: Sit down.
- 32:35Eric: After a while, it's gonna it's gonna be like the mosquito for Jurassic Park.
- 32:38Eric: Sit down!
- 32:39Matt: I'm asking the parent in the room.
- 32:41Matt: Kath, what are your thoughts?
- 32:42SPEAKER_06: No, this is tough.
- 32:43SPEAKER_06: My boy's too young.
- 32:44SPEAKER_06: So, like, you could just you just show him something new and he'll just dash off to something different.
- 32:51Eric: He has not formed any amount of sentimentality towards anything other than you and your wife, I assume.
- 32:58Eric: Barely.
- 33:00Eric: Hey man, we're all friends here.
- 33:02Eric: Just real quick, didn't didn't want to drop you on this one.
- 33:04Eric: Who's his favorite parent?
- 33:07SPEAKER_06: I mean, not to brag.
- 33:09SPEAKER_06: There's the answer.
- 33:10SPEAKER_06: I'm a fun dad.
- 33:12SPEAKER_06: Fun dad.
- 33:13SPEAKER_06: Got to be.
- 33:14SPEAKER_06: I will say he loves he loves stirring the pot.
- 33:16SPEAKER_06: So like I wake up up in the mornings and she puts him to bed in the evenings.
- 33:20SPEAKER_06: And of course, when I open the door, it's like, hey, good morning.
- 33:23SPEAKER_06: What do you think he's asking?
- 33:25SPEAKER_06: Where's mom?
- 33:26SPEAKER_06: Oh yeah.
- 33:26SPEAKER_06: Where's mom at?
- 33:27SPEAKER_06: Mama?
- 33:28SPEAKER_06: Mama?
- 33:28SPEAKER_06: Mama?
- 33:29SPEAKER_06: You're like, oh no, I'm sorry.
- 33:30SPEAKER_06: I'm sorry there, big guy.
- 33:31SPEAKER_06: You just stuck with me today.
- 33:32SPEAKER_06: Oopsie poopsie.
- 33:34SPEAKER_06: And then in the and then in the evenings, when when he's going to bed and he wants me to read a book and and my wife's there reading it, he's just like, Dada?
- 33:44SPEAKER_06: Dada?
- 33:45SPEAKER_06: It's like, ooh, no, sorry there, hitting you against each other.
- 33:48SPEAKER_06: Yeah, he's trying.
- 33:48SPEAKER_06: He's trying you to not even two, and he's hitting us with these mental games.
- 33:53SPEAKER_06: All right.
- 33:54SPEAKER_06: All right.
- 33:54SPEAKER_06: So out of spite, I will either keep a toy or not keep a toy, just to keep him on his toes.
- 33:59SPEAKER_06: Sh okay, interesting.
- 34:01SPEAKER_06: And it will depend on the mess.
- 34:02SPEAKER_06: So, like, I don't really let him hang out with honey too much because I love honey.
- 34:07SPEAKER_06: So it's a it's a delicious little treat.
- 34:10SPEAKER_06: Absolutely.
- 34:10SPEAKER_06: And if I'm gonna be poo bearing it, the boy ain't gonna the boy ain't coming into my stash.
- 34:15Matt: So how often are you poo bearing it as a child's parent?
- 34:20Matt: The boy's asleep right now.
- 34:21SPEAKER_06: I could I could be poo bearing.
- 34:22SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna be downstairs right now.
- 34:24SPEAKER_06: I'm I'm a I'm a millennial uh impossible over here.
- 34:29SPEAKER_06: I own a skin.
- 34:30SPEAKER_06: I own my own home mat.
- 34:32SPEAKER_06: I get to live in my own house.
- 34:33SPEAKER_06: When that kid's asleep, I could just be downstairs in my kitchen, just just listfuls of Yaya's illegally smuggled Greek honey, just just in the gullet.
- 34:44SPEAKER_06: No, no, no.
- 34:46Matt: I'm not even kidding.
- 34:46Matt: This is just purely research and development for me.
- 34:50Matt: You know, if if and when Lindsay and I have kids, it has made me go to Reddit from time to time and be like, hey, just a real quick question.
- 34:58Matt: Gamers out there who have offspring, when are you doing that?
- 35:01Matt: Huh?
- 35:03Matt: Gaming?
- 35:03Matt: Yeah.
- 35:04Matt: When's that happening?
- 35:04SPEAKER_06: Are you kidding me?
- 35:05Matt: Yeah.
- 35:06SPEAKER_06: You're gonna oh no, I gotta ask these questions.
- 35:08SPEAKER_06: You might you might need an entire episode of, hey, we're starting children.
- 35:12SPEAKER_06: What should I know?
- 35:13SPEAKER_06: I mean, probably I should.
- 35:14SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
- 35:15SPEAKER_06: I and you you didn't ask, and I'll let you know that this is the program for that.
- 35:20SPEAKER_06: This isn't the safest space for that.
- 35:22Eric: Oh, this is because because Matt here will get the actual answers.
- 35:25Matt: Okay, give me one.
- 35:26Matt: You're gonna get you know what?
- 35:27SPEAKER_06: Fine, give me one.
- 35:28SPEAKER_06: Okay, Matt.
- 35:29Matt: What do you you want to know how much gaming you get to do?
- 35:32Matt: Yeah, I mean, I first of all, don't look at me like I'm some naive child, okay?
- 35:36Matt: I stand you're not naive.
- 35:37Matt: I understand it's taking a hit.
- 35:41Matt: I just want to know.
- 35:43Matt: So when I did this on Reddit, the general consensus was, yeah, it's gonna be the middle of the night, bro.
- 35:48Matt: Like that's when your time is from now on.
- 35:51Matt: Yep.
- 35:53SPEAKER_06: It goes, listen up, you got a new, you got something new in your life that takes up all your life.
- 35:58SPEAKER_06: And whether or not in the moment you feel that it's your bundle and joy, or if it's the death of you, you're gonna you're gonna find a way to keep yourself sane.
- 36:08SPEAKER_06: And if that's playing games, you're gonna find time to make it.
- 36:13SPEAKER_06: I personally, right now in my parenthood, has rediscovered a hobby that I had when I was 12, which was uh miniature war gaming.
- 36:22SPEAKER_06: 28mm little plastic soldiers.
- 36:25SPEAKER_06: Yep.
- 36:25SPEAKER_06: You build them yourself, you paint them yourself.
- 36:27Matt: You are sitting in front of a workstation for this very activity.
- 36:32Matt: If anyone can see right now, let me show you.
- 36:34Eric: Oh, yeah, there it is, baby.
- 36:36SPEAKER_06: There it is.
- 36:37SPEAKER_06: It's absolutely glorious.
- 36:39SPEAKER_06: I'd like now that I'm an adult and have adult money, uh, when uh we we're just discovered that we had Theo, which is the name of my son.
- 36:50SPEAKER_06: His name is, let's get Greek for a second, Theophilos Dimitrios Kafarais.
- 36:56SPEAKER_06: Who just walked into the room?
- 36:57SPEAKER_06: What a Greek ass name.
- 37:02SPEAKER_06: This boy, I mean, he's gonna go to school, like middle school.
- 37:06SPEAKER_06: They're gonna be like, oh hey Theo, is that Theodore?
- 37:08SPEAKER_06: It's like, no.
- 37:10SPEAKER_06: It's the Theophilos.
- 37:12SPEAKER_06: And they're gonna be like, Are you a god?
- 37:14Eric: No, I but Calf, I'm gonna need you to show up to your kids' school dressed as Zeus and just fucking Theophilos, myself.
- 37:23SPEAKER_06: I'm obligated for the yeah, for the rest of my life to be like a tanned god at all times.
- 37:28SPEAKER_06: And you're just like, hey Theo, can we go to your house?
- 37:30SPEAKER_06: He's like, I don't know.
- 37:32SPEAKER_06: You guys are weird when you hang out with my dad.
- 37:34SPEAKER_06: And they're like, dude, your dad's six foot five and he could flip a truck.
- 37:38Eric: He could flip a truck, he turned into a swan and gave you more siblings.
- 37:44Eric: It's nuts.
- 37:46Matt: That's so cool.
- 37:46Matt: Also, in your setup, I would be remiss to not point out you are in a top-of-the-line gamer chair right now.
- 37:53Matt: Oh, this?
- 37:54Matt: Okay.
- 37:55Matt: Let me let me know.
- 37:56Eric: It has a hashtag on it.
- 37:58SPEAKER_06: Hold on, hold on.
- 37:59SPEAKER_06: Everybody, before you judge, Secret Labs makes gaming chairs and then has an incredible deal during the holidays where they go, hey, who isn't buying this really specific chair?
- 38:15Matt: Good to know, because I need a desk chair/slash gamer chair that I can sit in and make my back happy.
- 38:20SPEAKER_06: And it's it's or it's just the best sitting experience.
- 38:24SPEAKER_06: I'm a like I just said, me and Poach know, we struggle.
- 38:27SPEAKER_06: My fellow giant.
- 38:27SPEAKER_06: Being as tall as we are, these these these random front-of-the-mill chairs just don't do it for you.
- 38:32SPEAKER_06: But the the gamer boys, they know, and they they they set up these chairs.
- 38:36SPEAKER_06: I've never heard of whatever this is behind me, this hashtag.
- 38:39Eric: Hashtag G2 Army.
- 38:42Eric: Hopefully that's nothing problematic.
- 38:43SPEAKER_06: Hey, hey, G2 Army, guess what?
- 38:46SPEAKER_06: This is a$500 chair that I got for$250.
- 38:50SPEAKER_06: That's a pretty sweet deal.
- 38:51SPEAKER_06: Plus, my work was giving me um like a$200 credit for health health benefits.
- 38:59Eric: Oh, yep.
- 39:00Eric: Ergonomic hygiene, baby.
- 39:01SPEAKER_06: So I snapped a pick and I was like, mm-hmm, ergonomic, it helps me back when I'm working from home.
- 39:06SPEAKER_06: And they went, approved.
- 39:08SPEAKER_06: It's a$50 chair.
- 39:09Eric: Hell yes.
- 39:11Matt: That is work in the system, calf.
- 39:14SPEAKER_06: It's work in the system.
- 39:15Matt: You gotta.
- 39:15Matt: You gotta.
- 39:16SPEAKER_06: So if you're going, let's let's circle it back.
- 39:18SPEAKER_06: If you are going to be having a child, and then you only get, let's say, from 11 to midnight to do what you want to do, you better have things that'll make sure that you can continue doing that when they're older.
- 39:33SPEAKER_06: I'm not gonna have a bad back with this chair.
- 39:35SPEAKER_06: I'll tell you that right now.
- 39:36Matt: Okay, well, I got the bad bag already, so we're off to a great start.
- 39:40Matt: Oh, yeah.
- 39:41Matt: So Winnie the Pooh.
- 39:42Matt: So Winnie the Pooh, where do we even let where does the honey go?
- 39:46Matt: Couldn't tell you.
- 39:47Matt: I went off on some over-the-top rant about uh both of you went really dark.
- 39:52Eric: We I just went I went prestige.
- 39:55Eric: Matt went fucking psychotic.
- 39:59Matt: I just brought up the option.
- 40:02Matt: God, why am I always being attacked for being questions?
- 40:06Eric: The middle of the road.
- 40:09Eric: So where does the honey go?
- 40:11Eric: Depends on Christopher Robin's parents.
- 40:14Matt: It depends on if they are just okay with tossing that bear in the wash with, but man, after I feel like after a certain amount of honey, there's only a certain but what I'm saying is if the bear is coming to life actually, yeah, and he's not just the imagination, we'll say it's the imagination and not, I want to say, a drug-induced uh stupor of Christopher Robin.
- 40:40Matt: It's just his imagination.
- 40:42Matt: If he's indeed not doing that and is coming to life, first of all, how?
- 40:48Matt: And second of all, isn't it just going inside of him?
- 40:51Matt: Isn't he just consuming it?
- 40:52Eric: Well, you would think, but I'd be remiss if I did not point out that Eeyore would also be coming to life, and Eeyore's tail is still nailed to his fucking booty.
- 41:02Eric: Now let me tell you.
- 41:03Matt: Nailed to his bottom.
- 41:04Matt: Now, if you're gonna bring Eeyore, who I have always felt is an extension of myself.
- 41:13Matt: Yeah.
- 41:15Matt: If you're gonna bring Eeyore into this, it's going to get personal.
- 41:20Eric: I'm not trying to get personal, I'm just pointing out he still has a thumbtack in his booty holding his tail on despite being alive.
- 41:27Matt: Okay, and well, this is where I come back to if we're talking about this as a reality and not the alternative, which is like, oh, these are all just actually stuffed bears and and stuffed rabbits and et cetera, et cetera.
- 41:41Matt: What I'd have to say is if that's true, if it's if it is just, oh, these are just stuffed things like how is he gonna get the honey?
- 41:48Matt: He's just a bear, is he just getting messy?
- 41:51Matt: I don't want anyone to overlook the fact of, hey, Chris, what happened to Eeyore's tail?
- 42:00Matt: Who did that, Chris?
- 42:03SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 42:03Matt: Uh-huh.
- 42:04SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 42:05Matt: You're putting the pieces together here about what little Christopher Robin's been up to.
- 42:10Eric: Now I know why he wants Christopher Robin to be like on a bender so badly, because only that sort of madness.
- 42:17Matt: I'm just suggesting have we taken a critical look at Christopher Robin.
- 42:22Matt: That's all I said.
- 42:24SPEAKER_06: And that's that's that's important, but I will flip that and say, let's remind each other where these stuffed animals are living.
- 42:34SPEAKER_06: They're living in a forest.
- 42:36SPEAKER_06: Eeyore, he's got like a ribbon tail.
- 42:40SPEAKER_06: And if you're going into the thick of it, that's not staying on.
- 42:44SPEAKER_06: It's gonna pop off.
- 42:45SPEAKER_06: It's gonna pop off.
- 42:45SPEAKER_06: Gonna pop right off.
- 42:46SPEAKER_06: If you want to join and keep up with everybody playing the the stick is a boat game, and you gotta run down river, it's not gonna be easy keeping your tail in tow.
- 42:55SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
- 42:56SPEAKER_06: So I get I get that coming up.
- 42:57SPEAKER_06: Now, one thing that I like to think about with Winnie the Pooh is it's not people are stuffing his face with honey.
- 43:07SPEAKER_06: He is actively going into trees trying to stump those bees to get some of that honey.
- 43:12SPEAKER_06: That's right.
- 43:13SPEAKER_06: Now, mind you, there are little jars that do say honey, so there are people supplying it.
- 43:17SPEAKER_06: Yeah, he's a predator in terms of the bees.
- 43:19SPEAKER_06: Yes, it's true.
- 43:20SPEAKER_06: And if you watch the animated series or you dabbled in a couple of those famous books, that bear is is actively hunting for the honey.
- 43:28SPEAKER_06: Yeah, he can't get enough.
- 43:29SPEAKER_06: And what happens when sugar is whipped?
- 43:35SPEAKER_06: It becomes cotton candy.
- 43:38SPEAKER_06: Could could cotton candy be a stuffing?
- 43:42SPEAKER_06: Oh Gavarack.
- 43:44SPEAKER_06: So when this bear is ingesting honey, where is it going?
- 43:50SPEAKER_06: It's making his own stuffing.
- 43:51SPEAKER_05: That's how he sustains his life for it.
- 43:54SPEAKER_05: When he goes up down and touches the ground, what does he do?
- 43:58SPEAKER_05: He splits that bottom.
- 44:00SPEAKER_06: Because he's full of stuffin'.
- 44:02SPEAKER_06: How do you get full of stuffin'?
- 44:03SPEAKER_06: You're pounding that honey.
- 44:05Matt: Pounding that honey makes so much sense.
- 44:08Matt: And Kav, I don't know why Eric went so negative on Christopher Robin.
- 44:11Matt: This makes so much sense.
- 44:16Matt: Dead to me.
- 44:17Matt: All right, first of all, both of you.
- 44:20Matt: I teed up a great moment, and how did both of you react?
- 44:25Matt: Open mouths with no sound for your microphones to pick up.
- 44:29Matt: Yeah.
- 44:30Matt: We were we were aghast.
- 44:31Eric: I was aggravated standing in giant solidarity with me.
- 44:36Matt: Yeah, hold on a second.
- 44:37Matt: Let me just go back and fix that real quick.
- 44:45unknown: Oh God.
- 44:46Eric: He busts out the soundboard just barely enough that it fucks me up every single time.
- 44:55Eric: Yep.
- 44:56SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna ask you to I'm gonna ask you to hold your applause.
- 44:59SPEAKER_06: And now, one thing that you should add on that soundboard is the general Kenobi hello because of this episode.
- 45:07SPEAKER_06: Because who was Christopher Robin in the most recent Winnie the Pooh?
- 45:11SPEAKER_06: You and McGregor.
- 45:13SPEAKER_06: That's right.
- 45:13SPEAKER_06: And I cried.
- 45:14Matt: I cried when I watched that movie.
- 45:16Matt: I I really want to isn't it isn't it called Christopher Robin?
- 45:20Matt: Isn't that the name of the movie?
- 45:21Matt: I do want to see it because it did look really, really good, but I I did it's it's gonna hit you in the fields, my dude.
- 45:28Matt: I'm sure it is.
- 45:29Matt: I mean, first of all, anytime I see Eeyore, it hits me in the fields.
- 45:33Matt: So uh one thing that I'll never forget, and it's the moment that solidified the I am Eeyore, is it's in the animated movie that came out like while we were in college, so like you know, like 2010, 2012, somewhere in there.
- 45:48Matt: And he it there's this whole bit where um I think it's Owl is saying uh uh something about like, oh, it's coming at you, and the and uh Winnie the Pooh says, Oh, bless you, and he's like, No, at you, not at you.
- 46:06Matt: And he says it and he's like, Oh, it sounds like you have a cold.
- 46:10Matt: And that's my horrible Winnie the Pooh impersonation.
- 46:14Matt: And then from the corner, not part of this dialogue, Eeyore says, I'll probably catch it too.
- 46:27Matt: And that was the moment I was like, I am you.
- 46:31Eric: Yeah, this this is that is your familiar, Matthew.
- 46:34Matt: And it wasn't even like for sure.
- 46:36Matt: The fact that it's not a realization, the fact that it's just resignation is like, that's gonna happen to me.
- 46:47Eric: So where we landed on this, he eats the honey, it gets whipped about, he turns into cotton candy.
- 46:54Eric: It's magical.
- 46:55Eric: Of course it does.
- 46:56Eric: Do not even want to imagine how many dead ants are inside of Winnie the Pooh.
- 47:00Matt: But yeah, and but frankly, that's fine.
- 47:04Matt: I'm just glad we got away from Eric's vision about Christopher Robin being so fucked up.
- 47:09Matt: Um and are able to move on.
- 47:11Eric: Christopher Robinsha.
- 47:13Matt: I can't even don't use my full Christian name.
- 47:24Matt: Okay.
- 47:24Matt: Uh all right, so what else we got for uh what was uh there's two candidates uh on the table poach.
- 47:30Matt: Which do you want to take?
- 47:31Matt: Tackle.
- 47:32Eric: Oh, I picked the last one.
- 47:33Eric: It's up to you, baby.
- 47:34Matt: All right, so that's that's fair.
- 47:36Matt: So what we got?
- 47:36Matt: We've got the um Oh, the spice melange, yes.
- 47:41Eric: Spice melange, the spice.
- 47:43SPEAKER_06: You could have if if spice melange was a spice.
- 47:47SPEAKER_06: Uh well, I'll change it up just a bit because it's if you've read the books, it's not just you know, it's not really a spice, but it's it's more than that.
- 47:54Matt: And I am working my way through them.
- 47:55Matt: I've read the first three.
- 47:56Matt: I hear God Emperor is where everything goes bad.
- 48:00Eric: Yeah, because I think that's what his kid was writing about.
- 48:04Matt: No, no, no.
- 48:04Matt: He there's six books.
- 48:06Matt: Uh, and then I do hear that Brian, his kid, just tried to capitalize on it, and everything after he dies is bad.
- 48:14Matt: But I hear the last two books suck, like straight up are bad.
- 48:17Matt: Is that true?
- 48:18SPEAKER_06: I'm not gonna say anything.
- 48:19SPEAKER_06: You just need to read it.
- 48:20SPEAKER_06: All right, great.
- 48:20SPEAKER_06: It's just something I'm gonna read it.
- 48:22SPEAKER_06: My own sci-fi trilogy that is just or not a trilogy, a saga.
- 48:26Eric: This is this is like talking to anyone about the first season of any Star Trek.
- 48:30Eric: So, yeah, it's probably bad, but you need to experience it so you can say you were there.
- 48:35SPEAKER_06: That delicious next generation.
- 48:36Eric: Oh, oh, baby.
- 48:38Matt: So, Eric, why I'm gonna keep us a little bit on track.
- 48:42Matt: So, Poach, why don't you?
- 48:44Matt: I feel like you are equipped to give the listeners a good, quick, quick description of what melange is.
- 48:52Eric: Oh, sure.
- 48:53Eric: Um, spice melange from the planet Arrakis, the only planet in the known universe that can produce the spice, the spice which must flow.
- 49:02Matt: Um, you can just call it the spice, as they all do.
- 49:05Eric: So the spice.
- 49:06Eric: Basically, spice is a is a uh byproduct of sandworms.
- 49:12Eric: They they create it, it goes up to the surface, and then we harvest it from the dunes of Arrakis, uh, while trying not to get eaten by giant sandworms.
- 49:23Eric: Now, what it does is it gives you the powers of precognition, basically.
- 49:30Eric: Um not everybody.
- 49:32Eric: Not not the selected few.
- 49:34Eric: The selected few.
- 49:36Eric: Um, it gives you powers of of precognition.
- 49:39Eric: It grossly extends your lifespan.
- 49:42Eric: Um, and just generally has like a bunch of other side effects.
- 49:46Eric: It's a combin, it's basically a space drug.
- 49:49Eric: Uh, and the reason it's so uh highly sought after is it's the only thing that allows pilots like navigators to plot interstellar jumps through hyperspace because they can see into the future and they can see the future that allows them inter intergalactic commerce just ends.
- 50:12Eric: It is it is over.
- 50:14Eric: All the rich people have access to spice, they give it to navigators gain powers to like see into the future.
- 50:21Eric: Paul Atreides, one of the main characters of Dune, can basically see way to decades-long jihad across the galaxies.
- 50:30Matt: Yeah, okay, so I was wrong about poach giving us a quick description.
- 50:34Eric: Bruh, have you read Dune?
- 50:35Matt: That is the quick that is the quick decision.
- 50:38Eric: The quickest one you're gonna get.
- 50:40Matt: So the spice melan.
- 50:42Eric: So the spice melon.
- 50:44Eric: So worth noting, one thing I should add in about the spice is once you start taking it, like there comes a point where you no longer have the option to quit.
- 50:54Eric: Like, you can't just go off the spice.
- 50:56Eric: You need it pretty much always, or you die.
- 51:00SPEAKER_06: Very much like caffeine, but deadlier.
- 51:03Eric: And it turns your eyes blue.
- 51:04Matt: It does turn your eyes blue, all blue, blue and blue eyes.
- 51:08Matt: Now, the let's throw out some foods.
- 51:11Eric: Yeah, how would we, what would we put spice on immediate, immediately to my mind, French toast.
- 51:19SPEAKER_06: Spice branch.
- 51:20SPEAKER_06: Oh boy.
- 51:21SPEAKER_06: One thing that we may not have brought up, Matt, uh, is when the spice is described as a taste.
- 51:28SPEAKER_06: Many people say it is a it it's is similar to cinnamon.
- 51:32SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
- 51:33Matt: So the fact that Poach did French toast was just Yeah, it is it is supposed to be quite sweet in that regard.
- 51:41Matt: What about oh, so then any uh if we're going with cinnamon, it can go on any of the uh toppings that cinnamon might go on, such as like a hot chocolate.
- 51:51Matt: Yes, oh or you know, it's certain teas.
- 51:55Matt: That could be good too.
- 51:57Matt: Um a snickerdoodle.
- 52:00Matt: Oh, snickerdoodle, spice melange cookies.
- 52:04Eric: Very good.
- 52:05Eric: Oh, may I upgrade my answer to spice melange cinnamon uh uh uh cinnamon toast crunch?
- 52:12Eric: Cinnam toast crunch.
- 52:15Eric: Spice toast crunch, spice toast crunch, the crunch must flow.
- 52:20Matt: The crunch must crunch.
- 52:23Matt: Part of a balanced breakfast.
- 52:25Matt: Part of an overly balanced breakfast, yes.
- 52:29SPEAKER_06: Um I mean, I don't want to to to stop you with just cinnamon.
- 52:35SPEAKER_06: If I didn't tell you it was cinnamon, if someone just kept talking about the spice melange, what would you assume it would taste good on?
- 52:43Eric: Fucking steamed crabs.
- 52:45Eric: Oh, steamed crabs.
- 52:47Eric: I was spice melange, just old bay.
- 52:50Matt: It is it is in Maryland.
- 52:54Matt: In Maryland, uh Old Bay is the spice that must flow.
- 52:58Matt: Yeah.
- 52:58Matt: So that's true.
- 53:00Matt: And in that regard, I'm gonna throw out uh it might be a little bit of a curveball, gumbo.
- 53:06SPEAKER_02: Oh, hell yeah.
- 53:07Matt: That's not that big of a stretch.
- 53:09Matt: I think that would be delicious.
- 53:10Matt: I would absolutely even if it is cinnamon-based, it could be good.
- 53:15Matt: Still delicious.
- 53:16Matt: Yeah.
- 53:17Eric: Now I'm just thinking of what my favorite things to like the act of sp of like hedonistically sprinkling my spice because it in this universe, I am I am I am one of the bad guys.
- 53:29Eric: I am like a a Harkonnen in my fucking grav throne with my with my punishment whip in one hand and my my other hand elbow deep in the spice jar.
- 53:42Matt: Okay.
- 53:43Matt: There you are.
- 53:44Matt: You're out there near the shield wall.
- 53:47Matt: You're you're you're getting your way through the sands with your special walk so that things don't so the sandworms don't come up to get you.
- 53:54Matt: And you look over there and you see the beacon of light.
- 53:57Matt: And what is it?
- 53:58Matt: It is, of course, an anti-anne's stand.
- 54:02Matt: And you go up to that anti-annes, and they have for you a pretzel coated in spice menage.
- 54:11Eric: The anti-anne's pretzels with very good.
- 54:14Matt: The anti-n-I first of all, I am delighting in the idea.
- 54:18Matt: There's Paul Atreides making his way downtown across the dunes.
- 54:23Matt: With terrible purpose.
- 54:25Matt: With his terrible purpose, and just nothing in all directions except a lone anti-ann stand, still maintained by a disgruntled teenager in a mall kiosk.
- 54:40Eric: Oh my god, yes.
- 54:43Matt: Who gives you a delicious soft pretzel that is coated in butter and spice melange?
- 54:50Eric: I I love that so much.
- 54:52Eric: I do also this does also beg the question.
- 54:57Eric: Uh is Auntie Anne a member of the Bene Gesserit?
- 55:02SPEAKER_03: Yes.
- 55:03SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 55:03Eric: Automatically.
- 55:05SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
- 55:06Eric: And Annie Jesseret.
- 55:08SPEAKER_02: Ante Jesseret.
- 55:09SPEAKER_02: Antique Jesserit.
- 55:11SPEAKER_02: We implanted the cult of the pretzel into Earth's history thousands of years ago for this very moment, Paul Atreides.
- 55:21SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
- 55:22Matt: I kind of like what we've come up with so far.
- 55:24Matt: That's pretty hilarious.
- 55:26Matt: I love the Anti Anne's.
- 55:28Matt: I love the equating it to old day.
- 55:31Matt: That brings me a lot of joy.
- 55:33Matt: Um, yeah, I think those are solid options.
- 55:37Matt: Calf, what's your top pick?
- 55:39SPEAKER_06: Oh, I don't know.
- 55:40SPEAKER_06: It's hard.
- 55:41SPEAKER_06: I was thinking of, I mean, almost like an anti anns, uh, if I were to play on Matt's uh uh vision, I would say the only reason Paul Atreides even crossed that drune, that dune to get to Ante Anne's is the dune behind him, the Cinnabon was closed.
- 55:58Matt: Sure, yeah.
- 55:59Matt: I I could get down with a Milange Cinnabon as well.
- 56:03Eric: Oh, a Malange Cinnabon?
- 56:06Eric: Absolutely.
- 56:06Eric: Oh what other mall could I call Mawad Dibbs on that?
- 56:15Matt: Nice, Eric.
- 56:16Matt: Nice.
- 56:17Matt: And I just want to say, I'm so glad that this episode was sponsored by Dune Part 2 in theaters this November.
- 56:25SPEAKER_06: Uh making sure that the um what's that marvelous?
- 56:29SPEAKER_06: Can't wait for that.
- 56:30SPEAKER_06: Making sure Miss Marvel can't be in uh the giant IMAX because only Dune will be playing.
- 56:36Matt: Uh yes, absolutely.
- 56:37Matt: Can't wait for our endorsement check from uh Dune Part 2 to come in.
- 56:41SPEAKER_06: Uh I just need I just need that uh Hans Zimmer screaming lady while I see Dunes on the screen yet again.
- 56:49Eric: I just need to hear throat singing while I'm eating my cinnamon toast brunch.
- 56:53SPEAKER_06: I think it'd be a great powder on top of popcorn.
- 56:56SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
- 56:58SPEAKER_06: The only way to watch Dune part two is the only way to watch Dune Part one.
- 57:01SPEAKER_06: Spice Melange pop with the spice melange.
- 57:05SPEAKER_06: You just like a little salt shake or spice.
- 57:08SPEAKER_06: Man.
- 57:08SPEAKER_06: On your buttered popcorn.
- 57:10SPEAKER_06: Absolutely.
- 57:11SPEAKER_06: See into the future today.
- 57:13Matt: Now, Poach, yes, uh, before we let Mr.
- 57:17Matt: Kafarakis go, I believe you have have some questions that you wish for for our esteemed guests.
- 57:25Eric: Yeah, yeah.
- 57:25Eric: And and and just because we got such fertile ground out of calf's questions, I I come up with a list and then it shortens like the better that their questions are, just to kind of part the kimono a little bit.
- 57:37Eric: Um what?
- 57:38SPEAKER_06: So it's a Greek word, kimono.
- 57:41Matt: Uh what does it mean?
- 57:43Matt: First of all, I don't think it is.
- 57:45Matt: I thought it was like a Japanese.
- 57:46SPEAKER_06: Gentlemen, have you have you not seen my big fat Greek wedding?
- 57:49Eric: I have never seen my it's been a while.
- 57:53Matt: Boys.
- 57:54Matt: I know.
- 57:54Matt: Boys.
- 57:54Matt: I know.
- 57:55Matt: Now hold on.
- 57:56Matt: You're gonna give me shit for invoking the the secrets of the divine Yahya sisterhood.
- 58:01Matt: Uh and there's no traveling pants here.
- 58:06SPEAKER_06: Do you want me to answer that?
- 58:07SPEAKER_06: Kimono comes from Greek word kimono, which is winter in Greek.
- 58:13SPEAKER_06: What do you do when you scold?
- 58:15SPEAKER_06: You put on a robe.
- 58:17SPEAKER_05: Oh, so it's I thought it was Japanese, my bad.
- 58:21Eric: Kimono, uh, you bakagaian is Japanese, but a kimono sounds like with a G sound is obviously.
- 58:31Matt: I thought you said kimono.
- 58:32Eric: Oh, I did, but then calf teed me up to sound smart, so I just rolled with it.
- 58:37Matt: Yeah, okay, but you still said parting the kimono.
- 58:41SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
- 58:42Matt: So once again, you have made me out in the same episode to be a villain by accusing me.
- 58:50Matt: First of all, you just moved your hand, and I'm not kidding you.
- 58:54Matt: I thought a koala bear was behind you.
- 58:57Matt: I I I I do I am under no influence of any kind.
- 59:05Matt: Okay.
- 59:06Matt: And I that's a lie.
- 59:07SPEAKER_06: The reason I even dipping in the spice.
- 59:10Matt: The reason in the spice, bro.
- 59:12Matt: I had a terrible purpose because I saw I saw a koala with terrible purpose in the in its heart behind poach.
- 59:20Matt: Sorry, that distracted me.
- 59:22Matt: I forget what I was pretending to rant about.
- 59:24Matt: I'm so sorry.
- 59:25Eric: It's okay.
- 59:25Eric: It's okay.
- 59:26Eric: So so some questions I had.
- 59:28Eric: I'm gonna skip over some, like, you know, what is the greatest offense that the shorts commit against us giants?
- 59:34Eric: Uh um, ooh, here's one, and this is t a tall to tall, Alex.
- 59:40Eric: Oh, what's yourself out, I guess.
- 59:42Eric: What role do you desperately want to play that you know you will never get cast for because you are a 6'5 god of a man?
- 59:53SPEAKER_06: That's a good question.
- 59:55SPEAKER_06: Uh I mean it's happened a lot already, but I will say currently, one of the things, as you know, us theater people is a lot of us start out with the musical theater.
- 1:00:07SPEAKER_06: And one of the things that has come out recently is the hunchback of Notre Dame.
- 1:00:11SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
- 1:00:11SPEAKER_06: Yep.
- 1:00:12SPEAKER_06: And I'm too large to be the hunchback, but I could fucking oh dude, I out there, man.
- 1:00:17SPEAKER_06: I would be singing that song like nobody's beeswax.
- 1:00:20Eric: And and kids, listen to the show right now.
- 1:00:22Eric: I don't know if you know this about my boy Alexander Kavarakis.
- 1:00:26SPEAKER_06: He's got pipes.
- 1:00:28SPEAKER_06: He's got pipes.
- 1:00:29Eric: Voice to break your heart.
- 1:00:33SPEAKER_06: Oh, bless your souls, yeah.
- 1:00:36SPEAKER_06: I'm waiting for them to actually make the Hercules musical, and then I gotta buff up.
- 1:00:39SPEAKER_06: I gotta just dedicate the life to the bod.
- 1:00:42Eric: Now, who you now now you would you would want to be Hercules, now would you want to be Hercules?
- 1:00:47SPEAKER_06: The issue is by the time it comes out, I'll be too old to be Hercules.
- 1:00:52SPEAKER_06: So then I gotta be Zeus.
- 1:00:54SPEAKER_06: But who wouldn't want to be Hades?
- 1:00:56Eric: I 100%.
- 1:00:58Eric: Fat fun fact.
- 1:00:59Eric: Eric, you if I'm casting the two of you, Eric, you are Hades.
- 1:01:03SPEAKER_06: Yes, if you're Hades, I get to be Zeus.
- 1:01:06SPEAKER_06: I mean, if if I am at the proper age, but if we're even if it's you know in the future when we're both like, I don't know, in our 50s, 60s, I could be Zeus and you could be Hades.
- 1:01:16Eric: Uh calf, fun fact, at Disney World, the only street character we could like outside of a costume, like outside of a mascot suit that we could play is Hades.
- 1:01:26Eric: The the the height range for that character is 6'5 to 6'6.
- 1:01:30SPEAKER_06: You have to that's not that's not in costume.
- 1:01:33Eric: That's not in yeah, right.
- 1:01:34SPEAKER_06: Because we could do Baloo, we could do Sully.
- 1:01:36Eric: Oh, yeah.
- 1:01:37SPEAKER_06: Uh there's a handful of tall, tall boys that we could do.
- 1:01:40SPEAKER_06: Vader, there's a lot of them.
- 1:01:41SPEAKER_06: Yep.
- 1:01:42SPEAKER_06: But I'll say, just to just for the sake of time, we'll just say the hunchback of Notre Dame, mind you, you can be hunched over, but they ain't su they ain't casting a six foot five monster, man.
- 1:01:53SPEAKER_06: Probabs, no.
- 1:01:54Eric: And and this next question, this one's for the table.
- 1:01:57Eric: What is the cringiest shit you've ever seen at an audition?
- 1:02:01Eric: Oh, oh my gosh.
- 1:02:03SPEAKER_06: So I'm gonna humble brag at the moment.
- 1:02:06SPEAKER_06: I just recently turned equity.
- 1:02:08Eric: Hell yeah.
- 1:02:09SPEAKER_06: Uh for acting.
- 1:02:10SPEAKER_06: But before that, um I would just work my hardest to get into the uh there's like a general equity audition here in like the DC theaters like area.
- 1:02:21SPEAKER_06: And a way to do it is if you're non-ec, you go in early and then you are just working there.
- 1:02:28SPEAKER_06: So you're the one managing all the actors uh that are in their holding place, you grab all their resumes, you take it to the casting directors or directors or producers, anyone who shows up in the theater.
- 1:02:41SPEAKER_06: And there was uh one person who was just like humbly bragging about their one-person show a lot, and as they were lining up to do, you know, to go down the line, uh, they were up on deck and they just had this epiphany.
- 1:02:57SPEAKER_06: They were like, Oh, when I say my name, I'm gonna say that I'm performing my one-person show and it's called audition.
- 1:03:07SPEAKER_06: And it was just like, no, don't do that.
- 1:03:10SPEAKER_06: Don't do that.
- 1:03:12SPEAKER_06: Don't do that.
- 1:03:13SPEAKER_06: Guess what?
- 1:03:13SPEAKER_06: They did.
- 1:03:15unknown: Oh.
- 1:03:16SPEAKER_06: And it the the room temperature just flipped.
- 1:03:22SPEAKER_06: And you're just like, oh no.
- 1:03:26Eric: Yeah.
- 1:03:27SPEAKER_06: That's a rough.
- 1:03:28SPEAKER_06: It was the cringiest thing.
- 1:03:31Eric: I if kit and for anyone listening, pro tip if you're a you know an aspiring actor and you want to prepare an audition piece, you sure as shit don't bring something you wrote.
- 1:03:44Matt: No, you certainly don't.
- 1:03:45Matt: I I don't know.
- 1:03:47Matt: I've seen a lot uh of I've overheard through the walls, you know, a lot of bad auditions in my time.
- 1:03:54Matt: And and and presided over a few from the director's table myself.
- 1:03:59Matt: But the one that uh stands out is it was a group audition, and this is another no-no.
- 1:04:06Matt: I don't even know why you do it.
- 1:04:08Matt: They did, I don't know what their piece was, but it involved like audience participation.
- 1:04:13Matt: And first of all, terrible choice right off the bat for a monologue.
- 1:04:18Matt: But they went from the stage, they exited the stage because we were sitting, you know, in the theater seats, like, and one at a time went up.
- 1:04:27Matt: They brought in like groups of 10.
- 1:04:28Matt: And by the way, just quick aside, I think we can all agree.
- 1:04:31Matt: I don't know, maybe you guys feel differently, but I hate a group audition.
- 1:04:35SPEAKER_06: I never hate them, I never care for them.
- 1:04:37SPEAKER_06: I mean, sometimes it happens and it's fine, but it's a respectable kind of like listen up, gang, we're all in it together.
- 1:04:44SPEAKER_06: We're not gonna try.
- 1:04:45SPEAKER_06: Like, if you can all just agree that no one's an enemy here, just do your thing.
- 1:04:50SPEAKER_06: It's gonna be fine.
- 1:04:51SPEAKER_06: But God forbid, you sit somewhere enjoyable to me.
- 1:04:55SPEAKER_06: And you turn to your left and someone looks very similar to you, and you're like, You're not gonna do that thing, are you?
- 1:04:59SPEAKER_06: Oh, and then they go up and they do your monologue.
- 1:05:02SPEAKER_06: That's just like worse.
- 1:05:03SPEAKER_06: Oh no, or even though it's like.
- 1:05:04Matt: That's happened to me.
- 1:05:05Matt: I have been in a group audition where somebody did my monologue.
- 1:05:08SPEAKER_06: And then they come up and then they do it, and you're like, uh-oh, was that better than mine?
- 1:05:12Eric: And then you have to sit there for like the next 15 minutes while everyone goes just stewing in that awkward.
- 1:05:19Matt: It is But the the this guy gets off the stage to do his audience participation, and what does he do?
- 1:05:26Matt: He goes to interact specifically with the judges, with the directors behind the table.
- 1:05:33Matt: And I'm like, what are you doing, bro?
- 1:05:36Matt: Like, get stop it.
- 1:05:38Matt: First of all, get back on the stage.
- 1:05:41Matt: Second of all, it's a bold choice.
- 1:05:44Matt: Stop doing this.
- 1:05:45Matt: Uh it's not this isn't cringy, but to do a personal one, just be this is on my mind because I told the story earlier today in rehearsal.
- 1:05:53Matt: The there was once an edition I was at where there was no sides and it was a cold reading, and they asked me.
- 1:06:00Matt: To do this French accent for this waiter.
- 1:06:04Matt: I, at no point on my resume in the room, elsewhere, have ever claimed that I can do a French accent.
- 1:06:10Matt: I can't.
- 1:06:11Matt: It was awful.
- 1:06:13Matt: And I said that.
- 1:06:14Matt: I was like, okay, I'll do my best.
- 1:06:16Matt: And so I did this terrible accent.
- 1:06:18Matt: You just did it.
- 1:06:18Matt: You just did it like that.
- 1:06:19Matt: Oh, do my best.
- 1:06:23Matt: So it was absolutely horrible.
- 1:06:25Matt: And then when it finished, the director goes, the director goes, Hey, quick question for you.
- 1:06:34Matt: How's your hip hop dance moves?
- 1:06:37Matt: That's no feeling.
- 1:06:39Matt: And I and I said, Would you believe it?
- 1:06:43Matt: Not great.
- 1:06:47Matt: That's exactly verbatim what I said.
- 1:06:51Matt: It did kill.
- 1:06:52Matt: I gotta say, the whole room cracked up.
- 1:06:54Matt: And then it was met with a okay, great.
- 1:06:57Matt: Thanks for coming in.
- 1:06:58Matt: And he was like, thank you for your.
- 1:07:00Matt: And I was like, yeah, I'll see myself out.
- 1:07:03Matt: Thanks for completely wasting my time.
- 1:07:06Matt: Exactly.
- 1:07:07Matt: Ooh.
- 1:07:08Matt: Oh man, poach.
- 1:07:10Eric: Uh ooh, uh, when I was auditioning for uh uh I I won't I I'll keep vagaries because I don't I don't ever want to put anyone on blast.
- 1:07:20Eric: Um, but I was auditioning for a theater in Baltimore and we were in the the you know the room that all the auditiones sit in before you now granted this was going to be a group audition, but we were all corralled in like this little room together while the next group was going ahead of us.
- 1:07:37Eric: And this is the time where like you come in and everyone's just sitting in silence, and then I don't know if you guys have ever experienced this, but you know that thing where like actors will just sit in that room dead silent, and then someone will start warming up, and then everyone starts like it becomes this weird flex contest of like people doing whatever, like someone's now on the ground doing fucking stretches, someone's like ho like just doing all these, it it turns into chaos, and then it always starts with one person just getting a ooh, yeah, just that's all it is.
- 1:08:18Eric: Yep, it pro tip do that shit in your car.
- 1:08:21SPEAKER_06: Do it, be warm up before you get in, please.
- 1:08:25Matt: Every I it still amazes me whenever it happens because I'm like, anyone who calls themselves a professional in our industry warms up in the fucking car before you go in the building, honestly.
- 1:08:39SPEAKER_06: Yeah, if you can't do it in your car while you're walking from your car, do it in the parking lot.
- 1:08:45SPEAKER_06: The acoustics are great in that garage.
- 1:08:47SPEAKER_06: Even if you need to step away, step away in a hallway.
- 1:08:50SPEAKER_06: Just don't you're you know, you're with others, just respect everybody else's space.
- 1:08:55SPEAKER_06: We don't all need to start remembering voice two.
- 1:08:58Eric: Yeah.
- 1:08:59Eric: No, because I'm I'm trying to remember my fucking like trying to like get myself into the moment, like trying to remember, you know, just going over lines in my head, and I just hear hung uh.
- 1:09:09Eric: Oh boy.
- 1:09:13Matt: And then you know, I don't frequent musical theater auditions, but those are because I don't really do it.
- 1:09:19Matt: But that's a whole other beast.
- 1:09:21Matt: It's a whole other monster.
- 1:09:22Matt: If you're at a general call that has a musical in the season, just get ready because there's gonna be all people are singing, people are like doing their scales, and it's just like I got my one little monologue here that I'm gonna do and get out of it.
- 1:09:40Matt: Everybody else has taken their full five minutes, and I'm gonna be in.
- 1:09:43Matt: I always make the same joke to the accompanyist, too, by the way.
- 1:09:46Matt: I'm always like, I'm giving you a break, buddy.
- 1:09:48Matt: Like I'm always like, I'm always like, you can sit at ease, soldier.
- 1:09:55SPEAKER_02: And he's always like, Oh, Matthew, you son of a bitch.
- 1:10:02SPEAKER_02: I take my sport break now, boss.
- 1:10:05SPEAKER_02: If I have to play 525,600 minutes one more time, I will fucking die.
- 1:10:11Matt: Yeah, it's just called seasons of love there.
- 1:10:13Matt: But but he's French.
- 1:10:15Matt: He doesn't care about our American dog feeding.
- 1:10:20Matt: Big shout out to all our France listeners, by the way.
- 1:10:22Matt: Love you over there.
- 1:10:24Matt: We, I assume.
- 1:10:25Matt: Napoleon, I believe, also coming out on Apple TV Plus this November.
- 1:10:31Eric: But oh, but I didn't even get to my answer yet, because that was just the stage for my answer.
- 1:10:36Eric: Uh, because I've had that happen.
- 1:10:38Eric: The little, the little everyone's warming up and it's awkward and cringy.
- 1:10:41Eric: Like that was just the hurricane of cringe.
- 1:10:44Eric: In the eye of this hurricane of this particular audition, there was a a young woman who's about my age at the time.
- 1:10:53Eric: I was like 23, 24.
- 1:10:56Eric: She is dressed like a vaudevillian.
- 1:11:01Eric: Like she just woke up from like a cryostasis after being put under in the 1940s.
- 1:11:09Eric: She is wearing like this crazy velvet satin dress.
- 1:11:13Eric: She has the head turban like on, sure, and she her face is like goat sickly pale from like the talcum powder she has applied.
- 1:11:23Eric: And she is drilling, who I can only assume is her boyfriend, on all the parts of the audition.
- 1:11:30Eric: She was like, Did you remember to pack my compact?
- 1:11:33Eric: And he's like, Yes, did you remember to bring my sides?
- 1:11:36Eric: Yes.
- 1:11:37Eric: And did you remember, like just listing on, and he's like, Yes, yes, I did.
- 1:11:42Eric: Oh my god, yes, I did it.
- 1:11:43Eric: And as he is answering these questions, she is T posing like the statue of Jesus, and he is going over her every inch of her body with a cat hair roller.
- 1:11:57Eric: And that is what I'm seeing.
- 1:11:58Eric: As she is like, Do you have you readied my such and such?
- 1:12:02Eric: Yes, my liege.
- 1:12:05Eric: I never felt more terrible for another human being than I did for that dude in that moment.
- 1:12:12Matt: It it's giving Vibes, you know?
- 1:12:16Eric: It's who boy.
- 1:12:18Matt: Yeah, that's cringe.
- 1:12:19Matt: That is cringy.
- 1:12:20Matt: That's just life cringe.
- 1:12:21Eric: I I wanted to leave.
- 1:12:24Eric: I wanted to leave.
- 1:12:25Eric: You know what?
- 1:12:26Matt: I don't unlike a chorus line, I don't need this job.
- 1:12:29Matt: Goodbye.
- 1:12:30Matt: Farewell.
- 1:12:32Matt: So long.
- 1:12:33Matt: Wow.
- 1:12:34Matt: So, well, that was a lovely little actory discussion we had just now, wasn't it?
- 1:12:39Eric: Yes.
- 1:12:40Eric: Yeah.
- 1:12:40Eric: An actory discussion.
- 1:12:41Matt: Well, uh I do uh indeed they do.
- 1:12:44Matt: Uh now, Eric and Kafarakis, uh unfortunately, I do think we are at the end of our time with you here today.
- 1:12:51Matt: Uh, but before we let you go, is there anything uh you would like to plug on our humble little platform?
- 1:12:58SPEAKER_06: I would say if you are in the Maryland, DC, Virginia area between the August and October, through August and October, I would highly recommend if you've never done it before, to uh participate in the Maryland Renaissance Fair.
- 1:13:19SPEAKER_06: Yes.
- 1:13:20SPEAKER_06: It's a lovely experience.
- 1:13:22SPEAKER_06: I would say it's gonna be really hot this summer.
- 1:13:25SPEAKER_06: So if you're not into the heat, maybe come in October.
- 1:13:29SPEAKER_06: But it's it's always good to do it at least once in your life.
- 1:13:32SPEAKER_06: Uh I will warn you that people are very dedicated to the fair.
- 1:13:37SPEAKER_06: So you're gonna be people are gonna be dressing up.
- 1:13:39SPEAKER_06: They're gonna be dressing up and everything.
- 1:13:40Eric: You can dress you're gonna have the time of your life.
- 1:13:43SPEAKER_06: Anything you want, it's a safe space.
- 1:13:44SPEAKER_06: You could be a furry, you could dress up as the Witcher.
- 1:13:47SPEAKER_06: People will toss coins at you.
- 1:13:49SPEAKER_06: So there, it's all it's a good thing.
- 1:13:51Eric: I once saw a villain Ted Cosplayers.
- 1:13:54SPEAKER_06: And you're gonna be you're there.
- 1:13:56SPEAKER_06: That's why I'm pitching it.
- 1:13:57SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I'm sorry.
- 1:13:57SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I'm actually I was gonna say, don't forget the the promo is I'm I'm a part of that fair this season.
- 1:14:05SPEAKER_06: Um, they're gonna be doing a number of different things.
- 1:14:07SPEAKER_06: There are over 10 stages, there's a multitude of different acts.
- 1:14:11SPEAKER_06: Uh, they also do have an in-house like acting company.
- 1:14:15SPEAKER_06: They have shows that are going on this year.
- 1:14:17SPEAKER_06: One of the shows is The Merry Wives of Windsor.
- 1:14:20SPEAKER_06: Uh, I'm gonna be in that one.
- 1:14:22SPEAKER_06: Uh, and it's you know, don't expect like a three-hour show.
- 1:14:25SPEAKER_06: It's about an hour, so it's short and sweet.
- 1:14:28SPEAKER_06: There's also an all-female cast of Town Fop, which is quite hilarious.
- 1:14:34SPEAKER_06: Cool.
- 1:14:34SPEAKER_06: But you know, I'm in the fair this year.
- 1:14:36SPEAKER_06: Um, if you are in the DC, Maryland, Virginia area, I highly recommend you look us up.
- 1:14:41SPEAKER_06: Me, Matt, Poach, all of us.
- 1:14:43SPEAKER_06: We're all performing, we're all doing our best to do that.
- 1:14:45SPEAKER_06: That's true.
- 1:14:45Matt: Yep, that's true.
- 1:14:46Matt: Uh, quick plug for myself.
- 1:14:48Matt: I'll be in the 39 steps at uh Next Op Theater in Herndon, Virginia from September 8th to October 8th.
- 1:14:58Matt: Uh yeah, it's gonna be a great time.
- 1:15:00Matt: There's, if you're not familiar with the 39 steps, it's a kind of almost a parody adaptation of the Alfred Hitchcock film.
- 1:15:08Matt: There's only four actors.
- 1:15:10Matt: We play like 40 roles between us.
- 1:15:12Matt: Uh, normally it's four separate tracks.
- 1:15:15Matt: We're doubling the tracks, and at the beginning of the night, we're gonna flip a fucking coin to determine who we're playing uh right there in front of the audience.
- 1:15:24Matt: So that'll be fun.
- 1:15:25Matt: Uh so that's my quick uh quick plug.
- 1:15:27Matt: Go over the Next Stop Theaters website and uh get your tickets.
- 1:15:30Matt: Poach, I think you also have a project right now.
- 1:15:33Eric: Oh yes.
- 1:15:34Eric: Uh I am currently doing uh fight choreography for the Baltimore Rock Opera Society's production, uh their fall production gold night, uh, which takes place in like the Yukon Gold Rush.
- 1:15:48Eric: Uh that's incredible.
- 1:15:50Eric: And oh yeah, you got Yukon like Gold Rush miners getting attacked by uh uh uh super sci-fi creatures.
- 1:15:59Eric: I'll leave it at that.
- 1:16:00Eric: It gets really, really fucking nuts and cool.
- 1:16:03Eric: There's a lot of there's gonna be a lot of big, awesome, like climactic fight scenes, and I'm gonna get to choreograph them, so we're working on that now.
- 1:16:11Eric: It's gonna be a hoot.
- 1:16:12Eric: Uh so if you just search up Baltimore Rock Opera Society, aka Bros, you can find their website and you get all information on the production there.
- 1:16:21Matt: Yeah.
- 1:16:21Matt: So if you're in the area, you got three productions you gotta come to.
- 1:16:25Matt: Well, the fair is a lot more than one production, really.
- 1:16:28SPEAKER_06: It's those weekends.
- 1:16:29SPEAKER_06: It's only the weekends, though.
- 1:16:30SPEAKER_06: So nine weekends.
- 1:16:31Matt: Yeah, come yeah, hang out.
- 1:16:33Matt: Come come see, come see all of us in the flesh with our uh our first uh our first true performative love.
- 1:16:40Matt: Uh, but I think that will about do it for all of us here at you didn't ask for this.
- 1:16:45Matt: Of course, we do need your questions.
- 1:16:47Matt: You can send them to us at udnaskforthis at gmail.com, all spelled out, or you didn't ask pod.
- 1:16:53Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, X, uh, YouTube, uh, threads, just any uh any of the places there you can think of.
- 1:17:03Matt: We're probably there.
- 1:17:04Matt: And uh yeah, submit them.
- 1:17:06Matt: And oh, of course, don't forget the thought line.
- 1:17:08Matt: Uh we haven't gotten a message in a little bit of time, so just plug in that number, 410-929-5329, leave us a message, we'll play it on the show, probably.
- 1:17:19Matt: Eric, did I miss anything?
- 1:17:20Eric: You didn't miss a goddamn thing, baby.
- 1:17:22Matt: Well, and for all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
- 1:17:25Matt: My name is Matt Jay.
- 1:17:26Eric: My name's Eric Poach.
- 1:17:27Matt: And I'm Alexander Kafarakis.
- 1:17:29Matt: God damn right you are.
- 1:17:31SPEAKER_06: And Cook, listen.
- 1:17:33SPEAKER_06: You didn't ask.
- 1:17:35SPEAKER_06: But Poach, did we we never told anyone what Cook A Click comes from?
- 1:17:40SPEAKER_06: No.
- 1:17:41SPEAKER_06: Do we want to tell them?
- 1:17:42SPEAKER_06: Do the people need to know?
- 1:17:44SPEAKER_06: Calf?
- 1:17:45SPEAKER_06: Tell the good people.
- 1:17:46SPEAKER_06: Uh, so uh one of the things that I love is I've been able to perform with at least one of you, and it's Poach.
- 1:17:52SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
- 1:17:53SPEAKER_06: Poach and I uh did my first equity show, uh, The Bo Stratagem, back in 2013.
- 1:18:00SPEAKER_06: That's 10 years ago.
- 1:18:02SPEAKER_06: Decade ago.
- 1:18:04SPEAKER_06: We were casted as uh as as tall people do, we are the big the big bruisers.
- 1:18:10SPEAKER_06: Houndslow and Bagshot.
- 1:18:13SPEAKER_06: Just some great names.
- 1:18:14SPEAKER_06: Hounds tooth and snaggle process.
- 1:18:16SPEAKER_06: The snaggles.
- 1:18:17SPEAKER_06: Uh one of the other things that we were cast as, though, is we were servants in the house of the wealthy family that like this all transpires in.
- 1:18:26SPEAKER_06: And one big bit that Poach and I would do uh as servants is we would check each other's work.
- 1:18:32SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
- 1:18:33SPEAKER_06: So we would we would like check for dust and if it was good or not.
- 1:18:38SPEAKER_06: And people were just like, you guys are just always like together, you're like wingmen.
- 1:18:42SPEAKER_06: And then me and Poach immediately thought of Top Gun.
- 1:18:44SPEAKER_06: Yep.
- 1:18:45SPEAKER_06: And it was just like if we're if me and Poach were in a fighter jet, how would we talk to each other?
- 1:18:50SPEAKER_04: And it was just like, Are you ready to get in on this, Poach?
- 1:18:52SPEAKER_04: He's like, We gotta cook a click.
- 1:18:54Eric: Yeah, and that was always like our call signs and shit would always cook a click.
- 1:18:58Eric: Like every time we take down a bogey, coca-click.
- 1:19:00SPEAKER_06: Nonstop.
- 1:19:01Eric: We got like half the cast doing it as well.
- 1:19:04SPEAKER_06: They all loved it, and it's still in everyman.
- 1:19:06SPEAKER_06: People people remember us with cook-a-click.
- 1:19:09SPEAKER_06: So every time I walked in and like people had saw them, like some people would be like, Alex, I haven't seen you in like years.
- 1:19:14SPEAKER_06: It was like you and Poach, right?
- 1:19:15SPEAKER_06: Cook-a- what you did the thing, and it was like, Oh coca clear.
- 1:19:22Matt: Absolutely fantastic.