Latest / The You Project / #1743 The Christmas Day Paradox - Dr Lillian Nejad

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#1743 The Christmas Day Paradox - Dr Lillian Nejad · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'll get a team. Welcome to another installment, the new project.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I almost forgot the name of mind Joe hang on,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: let me just check. Yep, do you hang on? Let
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: me just look it up again, Capital T what yep?
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: You project? Hi tiv I harps. I'm stumbling towards Christian.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I'm getting my words muddled, My mort's waddled.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Your brain's clocked off, your brain's gone on holidays.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: It can't clock off. You know why I can't clock off? Well, one,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: it's twelve thirty six and I've got a forty five
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: minutes or so. Do you chat to you and the
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: lovely doctor Lillian. But then it's fifteen hundred, which is
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: two and a half hours away. I've got like a
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: really big UNI meeting with all my supervisors, and I'm
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: very I'm very scared. I'm thinking of taking some kind
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: of stimulant ten minutes beforehand, can you two recommend anything? Lilian,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: got anything that I can take that's going to improve
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: my IQ by about thirty points?
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: No, Well, take some responsibility and just deal with it.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Fucking the hell.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: That's a good stimulants of responsibility for you.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Take a cup of hardened the fuck up hops.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: She's only today cheap too, doctor Lilliam, even more than normal.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, what have you got planned for Chrissy? Doc?
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: We are it's the twentieth that's Frauday, so with five
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: days out, but we're going to talk about chrisy. But
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: is it a big deal in your family or do
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: you just sail through it quietly?
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: No, it's always been a big deal in our family
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: and in Australia. This year, I actually have my mother here,
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: so she's come from the States.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Oh awesome. And is she here already? Yeah, she's been here.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: For almost three weeks since she'll be here for another.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Three And what is she Has she been here before?
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she's been This is her ninth time.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, Wow, I've been.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Here for thirty years? Did you know?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Wow? That is a long time, and you've lost none
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: of that accent?
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: I know. I know people still ask like when I
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: moved and when I like, I don't usually say thirty years.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: I usually like a really long time.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well you know, it's been a minute. It's been
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: a minute.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: But they're like, oh, it sounds like you just got here.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: I'm like, well, it's actually really hard to imitate the
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: Australian accent. I don't know if well, you probably know
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: that because a lot of actors try to do it
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: and they can't. Uh, and I definitely cannot it either.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: A lot of a lot of really good Hollywood actors
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: and famous actors are terrible at doing Some do, some
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: can pull it off, but yeah, very few. I've never
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: heard any that that sound completely Australian, like you couldn't
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: pick it. Whereas like we grow up around American accents.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: I've probably heard more American accents definitely on television than
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Australian when I was growing up, because all the all
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: the comedies I watched, all this, you know, all the
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: kind of series that I watched, were I never watched.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I'm probably quite unpatriotic in that I've never watched one
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: episode of Neighbors or what's the other one really, Home
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: and Away. I don't know why I never watched, do
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: you know what. I've tried quite a few casts members
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: and now quite a few, and I've never watched one
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: episode that is hilarious. You know what.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: The first show I ever saw that was an Australian
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: show was Home and Away. I was actually in London. Yeah,
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: and It was like in a like university kind of
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: boarding house. We were just there for like a month,
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: and the only thing on TV like people were watching
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: in like the main room was Home and Away, And
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: my friends and I were like, what is this show?
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: And we just we just thought it was really funny
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: because the soap operas in the US are like very
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: dramatic and like unrealistic and like, you know, just crazy
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: stuff happens. But in Home and Away, it's like I'm
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: moving out of my house, I'm going to show like
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: you know, Like it was just very like regular life stuff.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, I got a new pair of socks. What
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: do you think of my socks?
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Great? What do you think of my socks? That's awesome?
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: And now an ad and the theme song was great too.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: We memorize the theme song. We were like really into it.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: We were talking this is probably not what we're going
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: to talk about, but we'll talk the other day. All
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: the boys in the gym about all the all the
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: shows we grew up watching in the sixties, seventies and eighties,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: and all the youngies are like, no idea what you're
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: talking about, Like, you know, what do you mean? You
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: don't know what Gilligan's Island is or The Brady Bunch
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: is or Bewitched or I Dream a Jennie or come on.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: Oh, I know. It's so sad, Oh my god, because
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: even though those were like slightly before our time, even
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: there were always reruns of those shows, so you knew
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: those shows like Back and Back in Front, like yeah,
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: and then you know they don't watch TV anymore.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: That's why, Well, that's true. TV is dying. So traditional media,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: as the youngies call it, traditional media, normal radio you
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: know FREDDA in normal FM, AM radio, and old school television. Yeah,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: it's definitely on the decline. And you're right. Kids basically
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: watch everything on their phone or on you know, their
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: laptop or their tablet or whatever. Yeah.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: And the thing is, because of the advent of things
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: like TikTok, they don't even watch an entire episode, but
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: they'll know about what's going on in a show from
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: like little snippets of the main things that people put up.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I've actually because I've always loved television and
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: movies and all sorts of stuff like that, So I
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: we've always engaged our children in entertainment of that kind.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: And we've always had like family television show that either
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: all of us watch together or like two of us watch. Yeah,
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: And my daughter and I watched, for instance, the whole
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: series of The Gilmore Girls together, which is it's such
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: a mother daughter type of show. So it was like,
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: but it's fun, it's very pop cultury, and it was
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: really cool for me to watch it with her. And
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: now we're watching a real like a ninety show, The OC.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yeah, And.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: I never watched it when it was out, so I'm
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: watching it fresh as well. So it's just fun to
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: just pick, you know, it doesn't have to be like
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't know what I think of
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: The OC. It's entertaining enough. It's our show. We know
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: when we have time, we're going to watch that show
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: together until it's over, and then we'll pick another show.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: You told me about The Gilmore Girls a couple of
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: years ago, and I know everybody would go, oh my god,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: to give I watched a couple of episodes. I'm going
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: to be honest. It wasn't terrible.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: It was great.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: It wasn't terrible, But it's like old. It's like started
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: twenty years ago. Now, look at Tiff Sperky. I don't
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: mind a bit of the Gilmore Girls, Tiff. I don't
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: mind a little bit of do you know what I like?
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I like watching stuff that doesn't make me think particularly hard.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: It doesn't make me feel anxious because there's it's fucking
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: horror and blood and people getting chopped up down now
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: and you know, violence. And I don't mind a bit
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: of like silly violence, but stuff that actually I come
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: away from it feeling worse than when I sat down
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: to watch it, you know what I mean? Yeah, what's
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: the point. It's like movies where you go and pay
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: thirty bucks or whatever you pay these days, and you
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: sit there and you be anxious for two hours. You're like,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: why the fuck do I do that to myself?
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: Well, look, I think that could be fun. A lot
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: of people think that's fine. I don't mind a little
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: bit of like suspense or mystery. I don't want to
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: see horror or like real life crime. Stuff like that
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: doesn't interest me at all. Like you said, why do
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: I want to expose myself to that? I want to
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: be entertained and get something out of it. But a
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: drama every once in a while, having a good crime
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: front of the TV. Sometimes that's cathartic as well.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I do that. I get downe on Instagram with the reels,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: like I cry puppies thirteen times a day. And then like,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: you know what else makes me cry? War veterans coming home,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: moms and dads to their kids and they walk into
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: the classroom. Yeah, and then there's this you know, this
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: mum or dad in all their bloody army or their
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: you know, marine garb, and then the little kid just
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: that's it. I'm out fast.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's beautiful, like a bit baby.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Hey, I don't want to go over something we've spoken
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: about too much on this show, but just quickly I
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: wanted to touch on something that David Gillespie, who's a
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: regular on here aka gillespo, he wrote an article recently
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: based on some new research that came out of the
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Lancet and that is that Melbourne has got more anxious
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: and depressed teenagers than any other city in the world.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: And so the statistic that's in published in the Lancet
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Psychiatry is that three out of four, or obviously seventy
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: five percent of Melbourne teenagers are struggling with anxiety or depression,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: and obviously it's been linked to tech. Is that astounding to.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: You, Well, I mean the stat that teenagers in general
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: are very anxious and anxiety is growing among that group
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: is not surprising to me because that has been what
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: the research has been saying for a while. Yeah, I
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: guess it's surprising to hear that Melbourne is like at
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: the height of that. I guess if you think about technology,
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: I mean, Australia is very forward, like they're early adopters
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: of technology, so potentially we're using it more. And if
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: we're going to say I don't know that technology is
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: the only reason, right, but if it's one of the
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: main reasons, and the way that we use it and
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: how often we use it and how social media is
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: used here so prolifically, then potentially it makes sense for
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: teenagers here to have more. But I don't know that
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: it would. It must be significantly more for that to
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: have been published in the lanset. But I think overall,
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: youth anxiety is growing.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: You think maybe there's also a relationship because we were
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we were the number one, but
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: definitely in the top few most locked down cities the
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: longest period. I mean, whatever it was.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: For Yeah, it was like almost a year.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: It was like a yearish where kids couldn't be kids essentially, well,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: they couldn't be normal, you know, free range roaming kids.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: There were cage kids for a year. That's going to
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: be especially you know, like if you're five years old,
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: that's twenty percent of your life like that year.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: It's not even just the fact that children were not
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: able to go to school regularly and see their friends regularly,
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: but they were also in homes with stressed out parents.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: So you have this kind of you know, exposure to
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: anxiety and stress at a level that we've as a
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: society haven't even experienced. Yeah, and you couldn't escape it
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: because you couldn't go anywhere else.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: And when I think of like some of my clients
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: who really struggled, lot of people didn't struggle. I know
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: that a lot of people did, but there were there
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: was a segment of the community, we'll say the more
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: privileged ones who were like, this is a break from
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: going to work and I like hanging out with my
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: family all the time, and you know, they have the
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: resources and so they weren't struggling as much. But the
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: families who you know already had like fewer resources, already
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: were isolated. Yes, single parents with special needs kids, yeah,
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: you know, who count on the support and they can't
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: do anything now. And now they're in a home and
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: they have to manage children that have challenges, and they
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: have to manage their own stress and anxiety. Was it
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: was actually an impossible task. So then you're going to
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: have kids that come out of that environment more stressed
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: and anxious.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: So I remember a few months I don't know how
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: many months in, maybe five or six months in and
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: I hadn't seen my parents, and Autosado is going to
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: draw to the thriving metropolis moll which there was a
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: lot of kind of in a ladder, go more than
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: five k's from your home, and it's got to be
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: some spectacular reason and you need to. And I just went,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: you know, and my mom, mom and dad have not
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: been great over the last few years with various medical issues,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: and dad had a heart attack and moms had, you know,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: multiple bouts of cancer and treatment. And I'm like, well,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I'm going. And there was about halfway about it, and it's
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: about two hours. So at about that one hour mark
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: on Princess highway or freeway. There were blockades and there
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: were cops everywhere, and I had to sit in line
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: for like two kilometers. Then I had to basically plead
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: my case with a which wasn't his fault. I'm like,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: what the fuck? Where are we? What is this? I
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: had to explain who I was, who my parents was, were,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: where they live, Why I'm going there? Do I have
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: to go there? You know? And he, I mean, he
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: was he was fine. It wasn't he was just doing
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: what he was told to do. But I'm like, man,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: what is what? Where do we live? Now? What is
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: this about? You know?
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: It was such a strange, strange time in our life.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: You know, it was completely unexpected, and nobody knew how
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: to deal with it, you know, properly. And it was
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: so stressful, like you said on that level too, like
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: I couldn't go to the States for four years, Yes, yes,
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: you know I was. I was trying to go every
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: couple of years to see my family over there. My
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: parents are getting older too, you know, like four years
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: is a massive block of time to not be able to,
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: you know, go and see your loved ones. And I know,
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: you know, of course, there are so many people who
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: lost people during that time and they didn't get to
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: be there for the those final moments, and you know,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: there's so much loss and so much stress and so
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: much anxiety that over just that. And it was a
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: long time. It wasn't like one year one years ago time,
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: but like it was like three.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Crazy on and off.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: So yeah, there's going to be We're still feeling the
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: impact and the effects of that for sure. And yeah,
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: I would say that that makes a lot of sense
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: in terms of why Melbourne youth might be more impacted
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: than others.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: It could be a definitely could be a factor. If
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: what's your this year? What's your I don't know underlying
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: emotion around Christmas? Is it excitement? Is it indifference? Is
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: it something else? Because I know you're you're staying in
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: melts right and you live by yourself with your Leeline
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: and Kayla Canaine family, But how do you feel? Do
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: you feel for me? I kind of feel like it's
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: a Wednesday, but that's just me.
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's I feel a bit like that, Like I'm
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: happy and I'm going to do some cool stuff on
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: the day, but I'm not really attached to Christmas. I've
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: been having a really good couple of months since coming
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: back from a little trip, and so I feel good,
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: and yeah, I've got no attachment to the day, but
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: I'm making sure that I that I do do something
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: because if I don't, I've done that before and I
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: get really sad because you know, there's an energy and
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: a realization that you get up and everyone's with loved ones.
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: And I remember doing that once and going, oh, dear,
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: no one loves me.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I'm really sad.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: It was like, TI, if you chose this, yeah, I reckon.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: In the last two weeks, I've said to I don't know,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I'm making it up, but about twenty people, you know,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: are you excited for Christmas? Or what is it? And
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I would think, I mean, it wasn't half, but maybe
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: three or four when not not at all? I fucking
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: hate it or I'm dreading it, or I hate my sister.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I only say it once a year, she's a fucking nightmare.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Or yeah, there's a I don't know what the percentage is,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: but I would think five percent of five ten percent
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: of people really for a range of reasons, maybe because
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: they're isolated, or maybe because they have to go and
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: spend a day with people that don't want to, or
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: maybe because it evokes, you know, things that happened or
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: didn't happen in the past, or but it seems doc
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: that not everybody associates the twenty fifth of December with
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: joyful kind of emotions.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that's absolutely right. I think it can
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: actually be the worst time of year for a lot
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: of people, like you said, for so many different reasons.
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: You know, there's a lot of memories attached to Christmas
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: as a holiday too and not maybe you know, a
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: lot of people's memories of that might not be great,
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: you know, in their childhood, so that carries on into
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: adulthood as well, and also where you know, different people
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: are in different phases of their life, you know, like
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: for our family, we lost my father in law early
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: this year, so it's the first Christmas without him, which
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: is really different and difficult for the family. For us
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: as a family, Christmas is generally a good time of year.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: It's like an excuse to get together and luckily we
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: like each other just good. Yeah, so it's like a
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: nice gathering, but like it's going to have that tinge
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: of sadness this year for sure, And yeah, for some
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: people that don't have family members to be with, and
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: so it is quite isolating and it is hard to see,
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: like you were saying, Tiffany, it's hard to see like
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: all these other people, you know, this is the time
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: where they're gathering with people, they're loved ones, and if
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: that's not your experience, you feel like left out, like
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: what other people are experiencing.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: How do we mitigate that? Because I feel like we
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to be critical of anyone, but
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: it's like, when you think about it on a level,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: on one level, it's Christmas, die, it's this, it's that,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: it's all those things, which is true. Also true, it
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: is Wednesday, it is the day between Tuesday and Thursday,
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: and so you know that expectational, that disappointment or that sadness,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: which I'm not saying is unreasonable, but we kind of
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: created ourselves.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess so, But I guess it's.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: An individual response, right, Yeah, But I mean it's a
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: societal holiday in a way.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: Like also there's a lot of people where Christmas has
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: no meaning for them and it isn't their holiday, right,
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: So it's not everybody's holiday, that's true, But culturally, like
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: places like Australia and the UK and the US culturally
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: as a country, they celebrate it. So it's a little
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: bit hard to be like, well, I'm creating this situation
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: for myself, and it's actually like everywhere, right. You can't
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: get away from the music, can't get away from the decoration.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: You can't get away from the wrapping paper. You know,
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: you can't. Everyone's wishing everyone to marry Christmas like it's
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: it's just like what's done pretty much prolifically at this
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: time of year.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I wasn't trying to be critical of anyone, but
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: what I'm thinking is, well, how do I how do
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I manage me in the middle, Like if this is
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: not a great day for me, if I'm not excited,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: if i'm if I know that like rather than me
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: than my emotions and feelings and a mental state being
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: dictated by what's going on around me, how do I
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: mitigate that or change that so that you know, as
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: much as I can control my own state or experience,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I'm doing that.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think because it's predictable, like if you
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: know how you experience the holiday, then it is really
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: important to plan it for yourself. Like what is that
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: day going to be like for you, I know, my
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: mother lives in the US, and my brothers live fairly
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: close by, but they also have their own immediate families
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: and my dad because my parents are divorced, so like
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: there's it's spread. It's not like they can just spend
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: the whole day with her. So what she did was
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: she decided to volunteer that day, so she would go
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: and do the you know, the food service volunteering, you know,
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: in an organization nearby. And that made her feel good
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: about the day because she was contributing, yes, and that
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: always feels good, as we know, so like things like
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: if she knew that that was going to be the
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: case for her day, so she organized that for herself.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: And it doesn't always it doesn't have to be that,
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: but it could be. You know, how are you going
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: to comfort yourself on the day If you know that
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: you're going to feel a little bit down and you
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: can't necessarily control that feeling, what can you do to
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: give yourself comfort and soothing and make it more pleasant
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: and improve the moment or the day for yourself? And
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: that might be really different for different people, Like it
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: might be you know, a movie marathon, or it might
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: be you know, doing a day as they say in Australia,
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: to stay in bed and surround yourself with nice things
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: and be comfortable and eat in bed and just you know,
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: do what you want. Or it might be like surrounding
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: yourself with things that are fun or funny, you know,
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: just lift your spirits. Yeah, or like watchers or follow
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: anti you know holiday or anti Christmas stuff like if
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: that's something that will get you out of your punk,
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: like whatever works for you. But I agree, like if
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: you know that this is a difficult time of year,
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: you know that it's not that meaningful for you, you
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: know that you might be sad or stressed around that time,
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: then you know, do some planning and prepare yourself.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: You know what I used to do? Eat and know this, Tiff.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever shared this on this show,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: but every Christmas I used to do it at Easter.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I think I've spoken about Easter, but every Christmas for
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: about I don't know, ten or twelve years is when
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I owned Jim's Lily Inn. I had lots of stuff
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: and lots of clients and I would meet who ever
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: wanted to meet me. At seven am at the beach
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: and they all had to bring twenty bucks and it
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: went to a charity. So everyone paid twenty bucks. It
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: went to a charity that somebody decided. I didn't even
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: get the money. The money didn't go through my hands.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: It went straight to the organization. But we would get
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: sometimes one hundred people, so we'd raised two grand.
• 22:24
  Speaker 5: In an hour, and it was great and people obviously
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: people came dressed up and people had on hats and
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: bloody rein deer antlers, and you know, like it was
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: such a good thing.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: And so there was this before the day even really started.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Like we finished at eight o'clock. So there's all these
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: you know, this laughter and all this connection and everybody
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: getting a few endorphins and a bit of dopamine because
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: they're running around in the sand and running some stairs
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: and doing some body weight stuff and saying hello to
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: a whole bunch of people. And yeah, I just remember
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: what an amazing day, or what an amazing start to
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: the day that was. And a lot of people back then,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: you know, they would come to me and say, this
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: is actually the best part of my Christmas Day because
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: of the rest of the day is not great for me,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: and they really appreciated that, you know, that early morning
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: energy and fun and everybody who needed it got a
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: bit of a harg and a bit of a high five.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: And that are idea.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: That's a great idea.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I loved it. I would do that now, but you're
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: not allowed to. You can't. I can't just meet you know.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: The funny thing is, I can't meet a bunch of
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: people at the beach in this area where I live
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: and just train them. And I get it, you know,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: it's all that. But it was in the old days
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: when you could just do that and no one. No
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: one was running around going what about the council regulations
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: and what about lawsuits? And what about our health and
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: safety and what about We're all just fucking running and
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: laughing nobody. Everybody was just having a good time. But
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: now we've got to fucking bring nine lawyers to the
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: beach with us. You know, it's fucking ridiculous.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: That is a shame. But I think you bring up
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: a good point that you know, if we're we're sourceful,
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: which I think is a great skill to have. There
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: are lots of ways that you can meet with like
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: minded people on the day, Like yeah, you know, or
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: even online if you don't want to meet people in person,
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: there would be I haven't looked into it myself, but
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: maybe this is something I should do as well as
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: you know, what are the Facebook groups around? What are
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: the meetups?
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: What can people actually do on the day that is
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: not Christmas focused? Yes, and that will you know lift
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: their spirits are just you know, like make it a
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: good day, not you know, it's just another Wednesday, but
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: it could be a really great Wednesday.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder if I wonder, I'm just wondering, Tiff,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: maybe I could do a six thirty. Can't. I can't
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: get mad at you for going for a Christmas morning
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: walk with one hundred people and if you.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: Just happen to drop down, and I mean you can't.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Stop if people decide to fucking jog through the sand
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: a little bit because there are a bit crazy, if
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: people want to do some burpies and some wall squats
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: and if people fuck I can't. I wouldn't suggest it.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: But if people just spontaneously break into exercise, I mean,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: who am I to get in the way. I mean,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: it's not a cult or anything. People are free to
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: do what they want wow, So stand by, everybody stand by.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: That might happen. That might be announced. It may or
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: may not, but it might be announced on the New
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Project Facebook page. If you're not a member, become a member.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: But now I wonder it would probably just be you
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: and me, cook, you and me and the dog, You,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: me and Luna.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Were you're coming second? Then if Luna is going to
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: be in the race, I'm coming.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, if there's three of us, you, me, and Luna,
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I'm fucking so far up the back. It's embarrassing.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: I love how you're like. Lilian's not going to show up.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: It's too early for her.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: If I do it, will you show up?
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: Probably not exactly, exactly exactly arrest arrest my case.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Too early, it's too early.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: I want to be invited.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm not going to invite you if you're not
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: going to turn up. So if you're going to turn up,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: you're invited. If you just want to be invited because
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: your self esteem needs a boost, you're not invited.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: Hey, this whole idea came about because of our conversation.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: So that's true. That's true. I'm going to give that
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: some thought. I mean, it's one o three on Friday
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: on the twentieth, So it may not happen, but I'm
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: definitely going to give that. I'm definitely going to give
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: that some thought. So so keep talking to us about
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: this time of the year in general. It's not just Christmas,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: it's New Years, it's when people is it a good
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: time of the year. You know, I'm not one on
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: news resolutions. Everyone knows, but I guess it depends. I
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: guess it depends how it's Starmach can work. But you're going,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: is this a good time to reflect and plan or
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: is that kind of bullshit?
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: Well it can be bullshit. It depends on what you
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: do with it. But I feel like when we talk
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: about this time of year, the main thing that comes
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: up for me and for a lot of people that
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: I'm around, is it's really stressful. The end of the
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: year is stressful, and I think I think there's a
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: lot of reasons for that. I always find like just
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: before I go on a holiday of any kind, any
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: time of year, it's the just before the holiday that's
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: the most stressful time because you're trying to tie up
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: things so that you are able to take that time
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: off and have like you know, actual rest and relaxation,
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: don't have to worry about work, which is hard when
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: you own your own businesses as well. And so this
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: is like a big version of that. Right, It's like
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: everyone's taking almost everyone is taking at least a couple,
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: you know, one or two weeks off at this time
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: of year. So everyone's kind of trying to tie up
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: all their loose ends at the end of the year
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: or try to get as much done as humanly possible
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: so they can actually have a break and be ready
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: for whatever's coming on the other side of that break.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: And then the other complicating factor of just being in
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: this country, let's say versus where I grew up in
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: the US, is it's also the end of the school year.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: So if you're a parent, you have that extra layer
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: of busyness. There's all like when the kids were in
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: primary school, it was like, well, there's a Christmas show
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: that everyone has to go to, right, and there's there's
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: different parents will have holiday get togethers, and you know,
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: their friends will want to get together and all this
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: sort of stuff that happened. Also, your kids are little,
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: so they you know, if you celebrate Christmas, they're very
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: excited about it. And so you try to make it
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: really special and get the things that they want and
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: you know all of you know, all of that sort
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: of stuff that goes into it. And when your kids
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: are older, like my kids mine are fifteen and just
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: at eighteen and just graduated from high school, may then
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: you thank you. Then you have all of that, Like
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: all the end of you know, the whole year's stressful
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: because they're studying for their you know, exams, and then
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: they're waiting for their scores and there's a lot of
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: stress associated with that. And then you've got you know,
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: their graduation ceremonies, and then they're going to school is
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: and you have to worry about that, and then you know,
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: they have their dinners and so there's just so much
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: happening at this time of year. I think it can
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: be a really stressful time for people, and then you
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: kind of lose that spirit. Even if you had the
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: spirit for the holidays, yeah, you can't get there because
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: it takes so long to unwind from that stress that
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: you're not quite there yet on Christmas Day if you
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: want to be.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I haven't really thought of this,
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: but it just dawned on me because I'm an idiot
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: and I'm a bit slow, But it dawned on me that, oh, yeah,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: you guys don't have summer holidays when we do, so obviously,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: but so how like Christmas New Year over here, like
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: a lot of like school is basically off for two months,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: give'll take. How long do they have off school in
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: the States at this time of year.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: Probably a couple of weeks, right, yeah.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: And then they have like two months is ish through
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: summer our winter.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: Well, when I was younger, it was like three three
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: and a half months, And in fact, it worked better
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: that way because there was no holiday to break up
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: that time. So it was like this long, slow, beautiful
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: summer holiday. Whereas what happens here is school that's out.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Everyone's in a rush to get everything sorted just before Christmas,
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: and then the holidays make everything go much more quickly,
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: so before you know it, you're back in school again,
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: you're back at work again. Whereas when you're a student
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: in the States, you have those two weeks of you know,
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: Christmas time, that's just Christmas time, yes, and then when
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: you're done with school, which is usually in May or June,
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: you don't go back until late August September. Wow, and
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: that time there's no holidays in that time, so it's
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: just for summer. And a lot of people also use that,
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: like if you're older, they use it to work, they
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: use it to do internships, they use it to travel
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: for extended periods of time, so you have a long
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: time to be able to do multiple things.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: And is that why parents sent Now it makes sense
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: sending kids off to summer camp because that doesn't really
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: that's not a thing here.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a huge in the state. So a lot
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: of people will send them to overnight camps, which are
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: like usually six weeks long, so it's half of the
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: summer holiday.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: Whereas I did never went to an over and I
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: went to like a local one.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: So it was a program.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, And I'd spend probably four weeks out of
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: the summer at a day camp.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: And then I became like one of the camp counselors
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: and I was like thirteen, of course you did, which
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: is fun. That's my first job a summer camp counselor.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Really, did you get paid.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: The first year?
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: No?
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: Because I was too young. But then I think I
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: got paid when I because I did it for like
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: four years thirteen forty fifty sixteen.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: Wow. I think if that was a thing in Australia,
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Mary Ron would have definitely sent me away for the
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: entirety of the summer. I would have been just waving
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: me off from the front door. Yeah.
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: People who go to those camps they have the like,
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: really great experiences and their parents go off and traveled
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: in Europe, so they're having like this break as well.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: Like it's kind of a cool setup.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I don't think it's worse. Like some of
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: my friends went to boarding schools, which kind of seems
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: like that would suck, and some of them hated it,
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: not many, a few, but most of them after the
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: initial adjustment, but they loved boarding school like they you know,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: they loved it. Like I don't know that did you
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: ever think about that tip? Was that an option for you? Yeah?
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: But yeah, just running around really you were just free Ryan.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: She wore a lot of chicken. Yeah. Well, I mean
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: it's not a big is a boarding schools things in
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: the States, so they I mean, I know they are,
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: but to any great extent or not not really.
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: I mean they're definitely around and people go to boarding schools,
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: but it's not like a massive thing. I would I
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: would have I would struggle with not being near my
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: kids all the time, so I probably wouldn't even consider
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: doing that. And I would have probably struggled with the
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: six six weeks at camp as well. I know, like
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: one of my one of my friends, her husband went
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: to camp for his childhoods. He wanted to send their kids,
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: and she was really like, how about that. But they
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: got used to it really quickly when they were going
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: to Europe for that time and they got the kids
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: got to go. You know, we're in there, you know,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: and they enjoyed it. The kids enjoyed it, so she
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: got used to it, and yeah, that's kind of like
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: their life in simmer, which is really nice.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: So you find it easy to step out of work
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: mindset into holiday mindset and then back.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: It depends. I feel like when I was working for
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: an organization, I had no trouble with that, Like, you know,
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: I walk out, I've done my job, and I've got
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: nothing else to think about. But when you own your
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: own business or businesses, it's harder to do that. So
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: I find it easier with my clinical practice side of
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: my business because it is more like going into it's
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: kind of more like appointments, right, and you just don't
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: have appointments. And if I'm like, I'm always around and
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: I can't help but tell my clients like, if you
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: need me, like I'm around, you can text me. And
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: they're always like, I would never want to disrupt your holiday,
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, if you need me, I'm saying I
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: will be around, like you know. But it's the other
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: one that are the more of the digital businesses where
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: you feel like you always have to put in something
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: you can't just take a break from that. But yeah, look,
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: I'm very much somebody who takes breaks frequently. Like I
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: don't struggle with dut down time or relaxing or I
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: don't feel guilty about it. Yeah, I just feel like
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: I have a responsibility to my business and to some degree,
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: and so just from that side of things, I might
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: not completely switch off, but I'll switch off a lot,
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: like enough for me to enjoy my brain. Yeah.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I really like my life and I like where
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: I live. But I have this minor fantasy which can't
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: happen in the next six months while I finish my study,
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: but maybe one day in the next five years. I
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: feel like I would like to go away for six
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: months and do everything that I do, but do it
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: in another country. Obviously, the face to face gigs would
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: have to go on hold, which would be not a
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: great part of it, but probably worth it. But all
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: the you know, all the other stuff, all the coaching
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: or a lot of the coaching online gigs, workshops, seminars, podcasts,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: you know, I can. I mean, it's almost like we
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: live in a time now where you can depending on
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: what your job is, there are a lot of jobs
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: where you can kind of do it anywhere in the world, absolutely,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: and so I would love to. Yeah, I'd love to
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: go live somewhere else and just you know, be in
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: it just a completely different energy and geography and climate
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: and culture and just not that I'm well known, but
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: just where I'm never going to bump into anyone that
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: knows me, and yeah, I'd be surprised.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: Well maybe, Yeah, that's a great I think that's an
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: amazing idea. That's one of my you know, ideal where
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: I'd like to be in the future, you know, when
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: my kids are done with high school and they're in
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: union and they have their own adult lives. That's definitely
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: on our radar. My husband and I like just go
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: because we can both do our jobs. Like you said,
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: you can, we can do that from anywhere.
• 37:13
  Speaker 6: Yeah, where would you go to if if you had
• 37:18
  Speaker 6: to go, Well, it doesn't have to be one place,
• 37:20
  Speaker 6: but if you were going to travel for six months
• 37:23
  Speaker 6: and do your podcast and do this stuff with me?
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: And what While you're thinking of that, I'll tell your mine.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: So mine mine would probably be nobody would guess this, well,
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: people who know me might, but it would probably be Ireland. Oh,
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: my grandmother was Irish. Her name was Molly Malone and
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: my grandma died giving birth to my mum, so I
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: never met her. But like, I've only been to Ireland
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: once to do some work. I literally went to Ireland
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: to do a three hour workshop. How funny is that?
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: But and I had no expectation, Like there was no
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: story in my head about oh this is you know,
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: this is going to be amazing. I'm going to feel something,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: there's going to be this. I didn't. There's nothing. I
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: was just going to do. I was excited to go
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: to a place I've never been, but there was something
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: for me inexplicably familiar about the place and the people
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: and the accent and like I felt like, oh, I
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: almost felt like I belonged there more than I belong here,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: which I don't. But it's it's like, oh, I don't
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: know why. And I've been I love the States. I've
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: been to the States like a dozen times. I love it.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: And while I think it's amazing, I know I'm not
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: from there and I don't feel like I belong there,
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: but I love it. It's amazing, right, And I've been
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: to England and I've been to a bunch of places,
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: but when I went to Ireland, I'm like, oh, there
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: is some familiarity about this, and I think it's in
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: my genes. I think it's in my DNA. It's like
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: my DNA knows this place. My DNA is like comfortable here.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: I was so comfortable there. I so loved everyone. The
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: people were like yeah, ridiculous. I mean they were the
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: nicest people as just a collection of humans that I've
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: met ever on any trip. Wow, Like crazy, Yeah.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: So I've actually heard that about Ireland.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Crazy nicest people in the world. Yeah. And just like
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I had strangers constantly offering me to stay with him,
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: like you know, come and stay with oh, you don't
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: stand Ah, don't be standing in a hotwn come and stay
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: with us. Oh no, you won't be standing there, You'll
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: be stand with us. I'm like, oh, I'm good. I've
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: got to know. Thank you, thank you. But yes, so
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: and like they was so, it was so funny. I
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: did a gig in this little place and and they
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: were so so grateful that I came. Yeah, because nobody
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: comes here. Thank you. You know.
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there was something about your roots and you know,
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: your history, intergenerational history. Yeah, and we don't often know
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: a lot about it, but like if we did, we
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: probably connect so much more to you know, like what
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: you're saying, you have this like inexplicable connection to this
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: country that you've never lived in and you only spend
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: a few hours. And I'm sure, but there's a reason
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: why that is. Do you know a lot about your
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: family history?
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: No, I actually do not, Like my I shouldn't say this,
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: but my family is a bit weird. Everyone says that,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: but like, my dad's one of six boys, so six kids.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: A mum is one of six kids, so twelve right
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: between their immediate families, and I really there's a couple
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: of uncles and aunties that I know a bit, but
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: for the most part, I don't. You know, I don't
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: know how many cousins I have, probably eighty. I think
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: I know I know two or three of them. I
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: was going to say two or three of them. Well,
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: but even then, I haven't seen him for ten years. Like,
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: I really don't know anyone well. And it's funny, my
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: family like never spent much like you know how families
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: get together big Christmases or the brothers and sisters and
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: the kids and the aunties that never happened. I've never
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: had one of those ever, So yeah, it's for whatever reason.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: And that's not a slight on mom and dad, but yeah,
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: they both come from really big families, and I'm an
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: only child. Yet I don't know anyone really. I've got
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: one auntie and uncle that I know quite well. Shout
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: out to Trep and die, but other than that, nobody.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, do you know the stories even if you don't
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: know the people, Like, do you know any like good
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: stories about like challenges or like things that happened and
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: mothers or your father's side.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, a little bit, a little bit, And when
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: you kind of you know, it's like I had this
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: well I didn't have a revelation I was actually somebody
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: who was smarter than me, kind of and wiser than me.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: Years ago when I was having this conversation about like
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: my mum and dad and I don't know how we
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: got here, but my mum and dad and I, it
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: was always like I lived with these two adults that
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: were really good people, and we all got on really well.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: It was like just two grown ups that I knew,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: and we all lived in the same house. It was
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: like I lived with an auntie and uncle that were
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: pretty fond of me. Right. It was not like parenting
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: one oh one. Like I rarely got parented, you know
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: what I mean when like my old man never said
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: to me, all right, look, I want to have a
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: chat with you. That never happened.
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that we didn't do things together. We did,
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: But it was like mum and dad were not brilliant
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: communicators in this context, you know, so that those kinds
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: of hey, where the mum and dad, you're the kid,
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: have a chatch you about how the world works or
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: how life works, or relationships, or hey, let's talk about
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: school and beyond school, like we never I never had
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: those conversations.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: I don't think many very many people did, though, Craig.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: I feel like, you know, our parents and their parents'
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: generation didn't have those type of conversations. That's a believe
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: kind of coming around now where our kids are talking
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: to us more, we're talking to them more, we're giving
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: them a little bit more of an idea of what
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: their histories are. I just the reason I was asking
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: is because because my mother's here, I actually arranged. There's
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: this person that I know who had like this conversation
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: with his mother and she had just been diagnosed with
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: terminal cancer and he wanted to have like something that
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: where she could talk about you know, like their family
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: and history and it would be something that you know,
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: he could potentially have forever obviously, but also maybe show
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: to his future children and all of that. And from
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: that he's just decided to start a business called forever Cast,
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: where he provides the technology for other people to do that,
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: and so he just brings it to people's homes and
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: they can have that conversation with which, you know, with
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: their mother or their father or their grandfather, whoever it is,
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: and then it's a video and an audio keepsake and
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: you get to know your history more as well. So
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: I actually went when I was in I just went
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: to city with my mother for a few days for
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: like just some fun with her. And while we were there,
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: we went and we did one of these recordings, and
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: I got to do this interview with my mother and
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: ask her all these questions and get delve deeper into
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: some of the stories that I might have heard a
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: little bit but for good or don't know the details,
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: or like didn't really ask or wasn't maybe interested before.
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: You know, like sometimes you're not interested until you're older.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: So it was really cool just to have that experience,
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: and then you know, I have this psychology for us
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: are from Emory, where I used where I went to school,
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: and he actually did research on how important it is
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: to know your family history and how it actually helps
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: children build their self esteem and resilience and overcome stress
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: and challenges throughout their lives. The more you know about
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: your family history, the more protective it is for the
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: rest of your life. So it's super interesting when we're
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: talking about youth anxiety at the beginning, it's like, well,
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: one of the things that we can all do to
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: help youth is to tell them about their history, because
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: what happens is they develop what's called like an intergenerational self.
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: So it's not just about them on their own, or
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: even them and just their immediate family. They actually belong
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: to generations of people who have had to overcome challenges,
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: who have lived interesting lives, and you kind of belong
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: to all of that now rather than just yeah.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: That's so interesting. That's so interesting. Well, our time is up.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: I hope you have a great Christmas. I hope you
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: have a good New Year. You do celebrate Christmas? Right?
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: We do?
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: Yes, you do, Tiff and I'll be at the beach
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: with one hundred losers at six There no not loses
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: at all, winners. It's the winners group, that's right. I
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: don't know about that. Doctor Lillian won't be there because
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: she's pretty lazy. Yes, I think that's the word. How
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: do people connect with you, Doc, Not in the next
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: couple of weeks, but after the next few weeks. How
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: do they connect with you?
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: Doctor lilliannajad dot com is a good spot. There's a
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: contact for them there. If you want to actually connect
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: with me, or if you just want to have a
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: browse through, feel free.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: To do that.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: I wish you both like a good holiday season, whatever
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: that is for you, and I hope that you do
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: do that thing on Wednesday, and it's super fun And
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: even though I probably won't come, I still expect an invitation.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: You are formally invited. You're formally invited. You better just
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: check in on Tuesday as to whether or not is
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: actually happening. But now, Doc, thank you, We appreciate you.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Thanks for all your contribution for another year on the
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: You Project. You are a winner. Even if you don't
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: shoup on Wednesday.
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: Oh thanks, I appreciate that