Latest / Beyond The Ceremony: Modern Celebrancy. Unfiltered. / Beyond The Ceremony Podcast Ep 11: Authenticity and Being Your True Self with Miranda Ash
Transcript
- Speaker 1 0:00 So welcome back to another episode of beyond the ceremony. And today, it is still me, even though I look like I'm a weather presenter coming live to you from Barbados. I'm actually here, just in a studio outside of Cheltenham, but I'm joined today by the absolutely gorgeous Miranda, who is not only Miranda, the celebrant, who is so inspiring, but also a fellow AMC mentor. So it's lovely to have you on. Thanks for joining me Speaker 2 0:25 today, Miranda, thanks for having me, Laura. It's great to be Speaker 1 0:29 here. It's just so exciting. I think this is the thing us, as a group of mentors, we've, like, you know, got this lovely relationship where actually we all get each other, we all have a proper laugh together. So when we get to be together, but it's still call it work. It's actually really good fun. Yeah, Speaker 2 0:45 absolutely. What happens when we all get together? It's a definite sparkle of celebration. Speaker 1 0:49 It absolutely is. Yeah, you're so right. So I think Miranda, then the best place for us to start is just with a little bit about you. So if you can kind of introduce yourself and tell me a little bit about you and your celebrant business, that'd be amazing. Speaker 2 1:01 So I'm Miranda the celebrant, and I'm based down near, just north of Winchester in Hampshire. I've been a celebrant for 13 years, and alongside that, I've had a business as a coach and organizational development consultant up until fairly recently, and I now coach within AMC in our celebrant success accelerator. So I've, I'm typical in terms of having built my celebrant business alongside other work for a while. In truth, I should have left my other job for years. Oh, really, yeah, but because I had enough work going as a celebrant. So yeah, I've been a celebrant, like I said, for 13 years I trained after Penny, because Penny, as we had, was on last week, and she's been a celebrant for 20 years. I trained way back when celebrancy was still in its infancy, and we had to really educate the market about who we are, and now, so I tend to do a lot of bright, colorful weddings for couples all over the world, so not just in Hampshire, but all over the UK. And I do do a destination weddings too. And I predominantly base myself on weddings and vow renewals. But now that I have let that other role go, I am doing more in the way of funeral celebrations of life and support there too, Speaker 1 2:24 fantastic. Wow. I mean, there's so much to talk about. There, literally a 13 year career. First of all, in celebrancy is incredible at this stage, because exactly like you touched on when I spoke to Penny, that was something that really stood out to me, the fact that she started so early on when celibacy was, you know, relatively unknown. And I think that's the thing. There's always talk. You're always hearing it about, oh, it's a saturated market. Too many people are, you know, training and qualifying. And actually, I really strongly disagree with that, because I think the more of us who are training, the more we're spreading awareness, and especially in the wedding industry, the more celebrate weddings are becoming the norm. It's more like, oh, well, you're not having a celebrant. Why wouldn't you like, you know? And I think that comes from the more people training and qualifying and helping to spread that message. Because, you know, there are still occasionally those conversations where it's a new concept, but I can't even imagine what that must have been like 13 years ago, trying to explain to people, Speaker 2 3:21 yeah, I mean, people would say to me, 13 years ago, celebrate, what's that? Aren't you just a post registrar? No, no, not at all. And I, like a lot of people, I fell into it because I was asked to marry a couple of friends and to do their wedding. And I got hooked. And then I trained. So it well, actually, no, I did the training before I did their ceremony, actually. But I remember turning up for the training, and I'm still in touch with some of the people that I trained with, and thinking, Oh, I Speaker 1 3:52 love this. Yeah, really, yes, it Speaker 2 3:55 for for me, for a long time, it was a hobby, and then I realized, when I wanted to make it a business. I really had to change my mindset around it. I really had to do things in a different way. And that's when my business really started to kick in. And I wholeheartedly agree with you on, you know, the fact that we do see people say the market saturated, and I don't believe that at all. Usually, when you dig deeper into why someone's saying that it's because they're not getting working and it's because they're not necessarily doing the work to market themselves. So that's a whole other conversation. Absolutely you think that is the market is ripe, absolutely, right? The you know, you can't say that the market is saturated, because there are a lot of our celebrants who are fully booked this year, yeah and next year. So then, and it's because we've done a good job between us in educating couples and families about their choices, Speaker 1 4:53 absolutely, yeah. And it's so refreshing, actually, when you get couples now I remember, I mean, I only started in 29 19, so relatively new, compared to you guys like the OGs. But actually, I still remember back then, when I was having those early conversations with my, you know, my first couples, and some of them, if you were at wedding Fairs and things, people would be like, Oh, I don't know. Like, I'm not sure whether we just want to do the legal bit. And it was quite a big deal to them about having that legal bit on the same day. And I think now that education that we've all we've all done, actually, people now have that experience of celebrant ceremonies. It's so refreshing to hear couples on our you know, inquiry call, and I say, So what made you choose a celebrant? They go. I went to a celebrant wedding last year, and it changed what I thought about ceremonies. Like, it's it's so nice, it's becoming so much more popular that actually more people are doing it and and I think you you talk about market saturation, it's like, actually go and speak to a photographer. Do they ever complain about that? Actually, there's enough work to go round, and it's more actually about all of us spreading that word. Speaker 2 5:53 You know, Penny made a really good point in her podcast about, you know, coffee shops, Starbucks. Yeah, absolutely, exactly same. Every industry has this kind of people will come out with this kind of thought because it is thought, it's unfounded. And when I, when I ask people, well, what's your why? You know, why have you said that? And it's all anecdote. It's, it's just based off here. Say, yeah. And I always say, every industry deals with it. Yeah? Photographers like you said, deal with it. So don't worry Speaker 1 6:25 about Yeah, absolutely. Focus on your own what you're doing. And I think it was Tara that said to me, one of our other mentors, she has a great, you know, mantra to live by, which is, mind your own business. And it's so true, if you're looking after your own business and you know, you're nurturing it and putting all your efforts into that, actually, things are going to be great and exactly like you. Exactly like you said, fully booked, and then still saying yes to more weddings, because we just love them. But it's actually like, that's how it can be, which is, which is incredible. And then something else I wanted to talk to you about Miranda, which you touched on, which I think is so important to highlight. You got asked to do a friend ceremony, and then you went and did your training. How important do you think it is that you've done that proper training before you go and deliver a ceremony, even if it is for a friend? 100% Speaker 2 7:10 the difference I look, I look at, I look back at the ceremonies that I wrote when I first started, and I think, Oh, really, yeah. And the the one that I wrote for friends, I look back at it and I think, Oh, my goodness, that was awful. If I had not done the training, I wouldn't be where I am today. Just no two ways about it. Anyone can write a ceremony, but what you get with the training is you get the mentorship, which is absolutely key, from real celebrants who are building and growing their own businesses, and are very successful at it. And we've got the experience we've been out there, we've we're constantly honing our craft, and that experience in your training is absolutely key if you don't want to train any old joke and pull off a ceremony from Google and it shows Yes, absolutely. When you do the training, you learn how to write ceremonies that are personal to that couple, and you learn how to perform them. And that's a very different thing, because I also think that a lot of people assume that all they have to do is show up and read the ceremony out like a registrar would. And that's not the case. No way celebrate. It's a whole lot more. There's also the customer experience that we talk about, you know, how do you treat your customers? You know, when I work with my mentees, I ask them to treat me as their customer whilst we're going through the script writing and performance process. And so I get to learn how they would treat a potential customer and give them feedback on that. So it's really you get the whole experience. You You learn so much through that process. Having someone give you feedback on your writing and showing you where you can improve is absolutely key. And when I trained, that actually wasn't I trained elsewhere before AMC ever existed, that wasn't actually part of my training, and that's what I needed. I sought out a mentor after I finished my training, and it made a massive difference. Speaker 1 9:10 Fantastic. Wow, that's incredible. And I think that's the thing as well. Like you, I've had students who, you know, have come to me in the past, but some of them have have said, Oh, I did a ceremony last year for, you know, family, friends or work colleagues or whatever, which is fantastic, and it's so lovely that that's what's given them the bug. But they will say, you know, they'll admit to themselves that actually that ceremony is nothing like it should have been. Once they've started the training, they see, one, how much more they could have included in it, but two, how short the script was. People don't realize actually, how long these, you know, scripts need to be to create a 25 to 30 minute ceremony, even you've got to make sure you're really putting all that detail in there and and, you know, some of my students I've got at the moment are ones who have done friends ceremonies before, and they were like, yeah, it was probably about 15 minutes in total. And they're so surprised how much more there is that goes into it. So I think that is something really important. Important to highlight exactly like you say, if you've got maybe, you know, naturally you're a bit of a performer. You can go and read a script out, but there is so much more to it than that, Speaker 2 10:09 absolutely. And here's the thing, too, I think sometimes you can some, some venues have told me that they can tell where someone has trained. Oh, really, yes, I was at a venue on Saturday, and the it's one that I've been to a lot, and one of the coordinators was she knew that i She knows that I'm a mentor with AMC, but they've had a couple of AMC celebrants come through their doors in the past couple of years. And she said, you can tell that they've been trained by AMC. And then she said, it off the back of me doing the ceremony. Oh, now I can see, yeah, I can see, Speaker 1 10:45 yeah, absolutely. Oh, that's so good. And I think that's the thing. It's just being thorough and making sure that you know you're learning so much more than how to read out a script, definitely, Speaker 2 10:54 absolutely. And it's, it's not just what you do out front. It's not just the script writing and the the the performance, it's actually how you run your business, how you show up behind the scenes, how you organize your time, because you're a one man band, effectively, you're on your you're on your own, and it can be quite isolating. And I think one of the things I love about the training that we do at AMC is that we've worked hard to really build a community of celebrants that support each other, yeah, and inspire each other, yeah, Speaker 1 11:24 absolutely. And that is so important. And then, of course, today, there's so much I could talk to you about, literally, just about your own journey. But of course, today, the subject of this episode, we're going to talk about authenticity, and how important that is, about being authentically yourself, you know, to your clients, to your venues, to other celebrants, whoever it is you're working with. So let's just go from the very beginning. How important is authenticity when it comes to being a successful celebrant? Speaker 2 11:52 It's absolutely vital. Because if you aren't comfortable in your own skin, or if you're trying to be someone that you're not, you're not going to show up in the right way for the people that you work with, and also people will probably figure that out, that you're not being yourself, and therefore may not come and work with you or not feel comfortable with you. And I've got an interesting story about this, because when I first started, I've heard other celebrants say this, I thought I had to show up in a certain way. Yeah, I thought I had to have the suit. I thought I had to show up as almost a de facto registrar. So uncomfortable. I was so uncomfortable. And then I realized, and this was around the time, that I was really working on my self worth as well, I realized I just had to be myself. So I ditched the suit, and I got on with being myself. I got pretty dresses. I don't like wearing heels, so I ditched the heels, and I just became myself. And then things really started to gain traction, and I started to align with clients who are fully authentic themselves and being themselves like me. Speaker 1 13:12 So, yeah, absolutely. And I think that's the thing Miranda, the thought of you in a trouser suit or in a skirt suit really makes me laugh, first of all, because that just isn't you. And I think that's exactly what you said. Like when we first start, I was the same I remember. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still love pink, and I'm a pink person, but when I first started, my branding was very, very, very light pink and gold, and that was it. There was nothing else. There was no personality in it. Because I thought that's what weddings were at the time. I thought, well, it's weddings, so of course, it's going to be gold and very blush pinks. And yes, I've still got the pink in there, because I do love it. But, you know, I've got pops of Burgundy in there now, and greens, and I've got those real sparkly golds and big bold fonts. And actually, what feels like me and more, my personality, and I think also things like the copy on your website and stuff like that. It's like actually talking about you and selling yourself, but in a way that is actually all true, in a way that you would have a conversation with somebody. I think keeping it like that is is definitely really important. Speaker 2 14:09 It's so important. And actually, when you are your full self, it actually makes everything you do, in terms of your branding, your marketing, so much easier. Yeah, yeah, because you're not thinking about it. You're because, if you're not yourself, you are actually trying to second guess yourself, and it's you're creating more work for yourself. Yeah? So absolutely. And it's funny, you talk about the trouser suit because I have a hot pink trousers. Speaker 1 14:34 Oh, yeah, see, that's your vibe. The hot pink it is. Speaker 2 14:37 However, I went to do a branding shoot recently, and the girls doing the branding shoot said to me, yeah, you don't look comfortable in it. No, really, there you go. Suits, great, but it's not screaming Yes, yes. And so we did do some pictures with the suit, but they weren't the best of the bunch. So it's like, you put. Clothes on that express who you are, yeah. You know, case in point, I've got two weddings coming up, one this weekend and one next week, and I always ask my couples this kind of does relate to authenticity. I always ask my couples what they want me to wear, yeah, yeah. And they've seen pictures of me, and both these couples said we want you to wear the purple, sparkly caftan you wore in your recent break. Yes, I love it. I'm like, great, you know, they get it. Yeah, they absolutely get it, and it goes with their vibe. So it is about, you know, when you are fully authentic, you are almost giving permission for your couples to also embrace that authenticity for their own ceremonies. Yeah, and those ceremonies coming up absolutely scream authenticity, absolutely. Speaker 1 15:45 And I think that's the thing. Then, with everything that you do, people will look at that and go, that is absolutely my vibe, and that's exactly what I want. But also, spoiler alert, it isn't a bad thing if people look at that and go, that isn't for me, and that isn't what I want, because that's what makes life so much better. I wasted so much time at the start of my career trying to suit everybody and adapt myself to fit in every box, and it just didn't work. And then now I found the last couple of years, like, you know, that everything is just, what do I like to do? What's the kind of vibe that I like to put out? Yes, I will get, you know, the odd ceremony that's very different for me. And I really like that. It's really refreshing. And it might be that somebody's, you know, bought into my personality rather than my actual brand and my style, but it's like, actually, overall, a lot of the conversations I'm having are with couples who are my kind of people, because I'm being myself, and they're buying into that Speaker 2 16:36 100% that's so true. You know, I I was looking at where my couples have come from, or what kind of weddings they're having this year. For weddings, specifically recently, and 60% of them fit the alternative festival, bright, colorful vibe, and the UP 40% we just hit it off, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you hit it off, it's like, yeah, magic, yeah. You know, case in point, I just did a wedding this last weekend for a couple who I only met on Friday. Yeah? Very elegant, very understated wedding, which is not kind of the bright and colorful festival vibe, yeah. We totally hit it off. And I gotta say it's one of my favorite weddings I've done in a long time, absolutely, because it's completely different, but there was so much love and warmth. And you know, you've done a good job. When multiple people come up to you and say, So, how long have you known? Yes, absolutely, absolutely. You know, it's about making sure that authenticity and vibe do go hand in hand, and if you are not being yourself and thinking that you're supposed to think, feel, look, and act in a certain way as a celebrant, and you're not comfortable, people will pick that up. Yeah, we can't be in order for you to stand out too as a celebrant, you have to be authentic. Otherwise you're just going to be in a sea of vanilla. Yeah, Speaker 1 17:57 absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And what do you think then, for people that are really, really early on, have you got any advice on how to find that identity as a celebrant, like how to find that authenticity? Maybe you day to day life, how does that, you know, transfer across into creating a business as a celebrant? Speaker 2 18:16 Yeah, I always say to students that come to me, think about what you like to do. What do you like to do? What are your favorite activities? Who are the people, the kinds of people that you like to hang out with? What are your values? You know? What are you? What do you stand for? Because you're looking for people who are going to be your ideal couples or families are going to be people that are all of those, yeah, those similar values, you know, people that you like to hang out with, and therefore you will be comfortable and authentic. So look at your own, look at yourself and ask yourself, Who do I want to be? Who do I want to hang out with? What have I like to do? You know, I had a student recently who is big into biking, and when she realized that, oh, I could do weddings for the bike community, yeah? And that was, that was someone who was very new to celebrate, yeah, yeah. So this, start thinking about your kind of tribe, your people, and who you are and who you are to those people too, the better. Speaker 1 19:22 Yeah, there's those interests, actually. And I think as well, obviously we've touched on weddings, especially you and I, I mean, predominantly we do, like weddings, is a lot of what we do, but we both do funerals as well. In terms of that, I think that's something that can be quite scary when you're first starting. Because I remember I went into, you know, the funeral directors, that is now pretty much the only one I work with, because I don't like to do too many and I went into them and I said to them, Look, just let you know I'm new to the area. Just wanted to come and introduce myself, say hi, that kind of thing. But I said to them, I like to offer Celebration of Life ceremonies. And instantly that might mean that. I've, you know, cut myself out from a load of bookings of people that want something very traditional, very straightforward and maybe more somber. But actually, I knew that that isn't the kind of kind of service that I wanted to deliver. I want to do a celebration of somebody's life, where we talk about their whole life. We celebrate all those things. And I think that's probably as well something when it comes to being authentic, but maybe in the funeral industry, would you say it's harder to be to be authentically yourself? Speaker 2 20:26 I think it very much. You know, my experience is similar to yours. I'm very clear when I talk to funeral directors, and I don't just get work through funeral directors for funerals, I have been doing a lot of work with wedding venues who now want to host celebrations of life, but I'm very clear from the start that I want to work with families that are looking for someone bright and colorful and more on the celebration side of things. Yeah, because you can't be all things to all people. And the more you're clear about what you do, the kinds of people that you work with and who you are, the easier it is for venues, for funeral directors to then put you in front of the right people. And you know, case in point, I had a student, literally last week or a couple of weeks ago, who had that epiphany themselves. They had been struggling to get work from funeral directors in their local town, and they decided to cast the net wider to the next town along. Yeah, when he had three meetings, and literally within hours of the meeting taking place, one of the funeral directors came back and said, we've just had someone walk through the door, and actually, we think you would be a really good fit for them, given what you've shared with us, perfect. He's now two bookings off that funeral director. Fantastic. So when you're clear, you know, going to funeral directors isn't just about you introducing yourself and saying, Hey, I'm in the area. It's actually about saying what you do. Yeah, kind of people that you're going to work well with, absolutely. Otherwise, director isn't going to know Speaker 1 22:02 about that exactly. And then you're kind of another celebrant in maybe a sea of celebrants. Then it's like, actually, if you're exactly like you said, authentic, you know? And saying, This is who I am, this is what I can deliver. And these are the kind of families. But also for us, on a selfish side, it makes our life easier and nicer, because we get to enjoy the job more because we're doing the kind of services that we want to do. So I think it's exactly kind of a win win all round, really, isn't it? Speaker 2 22:27 Very, very much. So you know, you have to, you will do your best work when you are in the best situation possible, yeah. And if not, if you're with people who are looking for something very different, it's not going to be, it's not going to work, and I've learned that the hard way as well, particularly in weddings when I first started, because I would take any booking coming to me, and actually in that process, I had to have a few Gremlins in order to figure out who I really wanted to work with. But I had those Gremlins and some experiences where I should have trusted my gut, I should have been more myself, and I learned from that. So, you know, definitely be clear about what you're looking for and also what you can offer. That's part of business development, of course, business one on one, yeah, Speaker 1 23:18 absolutely, yeah. That's it. And again, another episode in itself, like, there's, there's honestly, so much I could talk to you about Miranda, but I think that is exactly the thing, the thing, if you're sat there now thinking, Yeah, I think I want to be a celebrant. Why? What is it about that that appeals to you, not I just want to go and deliver ceremonies. Actually. What kind of ceremonies Do you want to deliver? What is it that that set, you know, set your heart on fire and made you think, this is exactly the career for me. What is it about that? And I guess that's the thing. It's like identifying that is a good place to start, because then you can kind of build on it from there, really, Speaker 2 23:50 yeah, in fact, you just pretty much wrote the first slide of a session. Oh, really, students on purpose. Very important to understand, what is your why? Yeah, because, if you're just into this, because you've seen a ceremony, you think I can do that, yeah, actually, you need to go deeper. Yes. Because the more depth you can bring to your thinking, the more it will impact how you show up and how you market yourself, and you'll attract and attract the right people and detract those that are not the right fit for you, and that's that's you touched on that earlier. So really good point. You have to attract, but also detract people don't vibe with you, and I've had couples who have come to me, and they've actually known about me through my previous work as a coach, and I've coached a lot around purpose, and we've had conversations, and they've said to me, well, there was something around your purpose that aligned with our Yeah, absolutely. So you know, you can put all of that in your marketing, and all of that helps people to get a better picture of who you are. And. And and then hopefully have that kind of meeting of mind. Yeah, Speaker 1 25:04 absolutely. Oh, Miranda, just amazing and inspiring, as I knew it would be. So finally, then, before we finish, what is your one piece of advice for anyone who's listening and maybe considering becoming a celebrant, Unknown Speaker 25:17 be yourself 100% Speaker 2 25:20 the more you can be yourself from the get go without going through the hard bits that those of us that have not been ourselves Speaker 1 25:27 trouser suits and blush pink, yeah, absolutely Speaker 2 25:31 be yourself. Absolutely ask and ask yourself, you know who you are and what yourself is. I get really clear on that, whether it's you know, your values, like we've touched stuff we've already touched on, and when you're yourself, you will attract people that are your vibe, frankly, Speaker 1 25:50 amazing. Thank you so much, Miranda, and please come back again, because I feel like we've got about 10 other episodes under our belts that we could do absolutely Speaker 2 25:57 Yeah. Happy to thank you so much for having me, Laura. Thank you. Transcribed by https://otter.ai