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The Power of Self-Discovery Through Journaling · The Connected Mom

• Becky Harling: Welcome to the Connected Mom Podcast where we have real conversations helping you to connect more deeply with God, more empathically with your fellow moms and more intentionally with your child. I'm Becky Harling, your host. And I have with me today my amazing co-host, Sarah. So Sarah, welcome. And I have a question for you since you are right in the thick of raising your two kids. Do you journal? Sarah Wildman: Great question. Pre-kids, yes. Post-kids, no. That's the honest truth. And I loved journaling. I used to love it. And no, in nine years, I probably have not really journaled much at all. So there's the honesty. Becky Harling: Well, that's fine. So today our guest, I'm so excited about this guest. So we have Jennifer Dukes Lee with us, Jennifer Lee Dukes today. And she is a farm girl, actually living in Iowa. She's raised two girls. She's now an empty nester, but she has written one of the most creative books, Sarah, that I have ever encountered. It's called Stuff I'd Only Tell God. I love the title. I love the way she set it up. I love the questions in here. I mean, girls, you should listen in, lean in and listen, because this is going to be an amazing interview. She's a bestselling author and this book is incredible. It's a guided journal to help you know yourself better and to help you know God better. And I mean, what could be better than that? So welcome, Jennifer. JDL: Well, thank you for the warm welcome. This is great. And Sarah, I'm telling you by the end of this podcast, we are going to get you back into journaling. That's, Sarah Wildman: I'm JDL: that's Sarah Wildman: excited. JDL: my prediction. Becky Harling: She's, she's, she's going to bring it, Sarah, and you'll be ready. So, Sarah Wildman: I am. Becky Harling: okay, Jennifer, before we dive in too deeply, what gave you the vision for this book? It's so creative. JDL: It is. It's unlike anything I've ever written before. Most of, well, everything I've written before is either a trade book or a Bible study. And Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: for those who don't know what a trade book is, it's like a regular book that has chapters and maybe like 55,000 words. Right? So Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: the difference is this is a guided journey that is in some ways the book is only about 20% complete because it's not a real book until you finish it, until you answer the Thousands of prompts in it and make a really exciting discovery. I thought of this idea Several years ago when it occurred to me how much I a loved questioning people Not Becky Harling: Uh JDL: to Becky Harling: huh. JDL: be nosy but because I'm genuinely curious and number two how questions Literally saved my life because I was an agnostic in my Becky Harling: Huh. JDL: early adulthood, even though I grew up in the faith and felt over the years that there wasn't. that satisfied me intellectually about Jesus. And it was a very dark time in my life. And I would Google things on the internet, like how to try to figure out what was real. And everything that I read was like, well, just go read the Bible. And I'm like, well, yeah, you're gonna say that. That's like your propaganda piece. But. It turns out when I began to interrogate the Bible and I really interrogated it and when I really asked God some deep hard questions over about a four year period, I became a believing Jesus following sold out person for God, I was, it was life changing. And it's because I finally stopped running away from my doubts and my questions. And that Becky Harling: Hmm. JDL: is the path that led me straight to Jesus. So I've got all of this behind me of questions leading to self discovery and questions leading to God discovery. Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: And I wanted to put all of that together in a book. But as I began, I'm like, I also want to have a lot of fun with this thing, because I think that as Christians, we just don't have enough fun. We just take ourselves far too seriously. Becky Harling: Yes, that JDL: But Becky Harling: is true. JDL: yeah, but God, you know, God. gave us a sense of humor. He himself, I really strongly believe has a terrific sense of humor, sharp Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: wit, funny, you know, I mean, there's just funny stories in the Bible that make me smile and make me laugh. And so this journal is really a journey through your life. It goes through your people, your past, your present, you engage with your own longings and dreams and look forward to the future. And my hope is that by the time people get to the last page in that really have set in their mind how they want to live the rest of their lives and what's going to be most important. Becky Harling: Mm, I love that so much. Sarah Wildman: Wow. Well, I'm going to read this because I love the description of your book. Your new book invites people into courageous honesty, obsessive truth telling and beautifully ruthless self discovery. Wow. So why are all of those so important? I, I think you've shared why it really helped you with your faith discovery, but why is honesty, truth telling, self discovery so important for us? JDL: Yes, honesty and not only honesty but courageous honesty, right? Because being honest does take courage. It takes courage to be honest with ourselves about our past. It takes courage to be honest with the things that have hurt and the people who have hurt us. It takes courage to be honest about the people that we are having a hard time forgiving. It takes courage to tell God, I'm not sure what I believe about these particular things in my life. I'm not sure what I believe about you. Help me. That takes courage to come to before God like that. And truth telling in an obsessive nature, obsessive truth telling is even more than just regular truth telling. It's like, I am going to do this thing and I Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: am really going to dig in. I'm going to give it 100%. I'm not going to just, you know, maybe skip questions or, um, not come face to face with my truth. in and be all there and present for this journey. And then the reason I call it not just self-discovery, but beautifully ruthless self-discovery is because again that goes even deeper than self-discovery because honestly finding out things about yourself can be ruthless. Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: It can be difficult, it can be hard to come face to face and I don't want to like sugarcoat that at all for people who is beautifully ruthless is because as you come out of that fully into who God made you to be, that is the most beautiful kind of self-discovery at all. So I just had a lot Becky Harling: Hmm. JDL: of fun with some extra qualifiers and just really wanted to encourage people to give it their all and be wholly passionate in this process. Becky Harling: It is such a fun book. And, um, so I've been thinking about, you know, the moms that are listening. And something that I have heard over and over through the years is, you know, a lot of moms, uh, invest in their kids and that becomes really their whole identity while they're raising their kids. And then the kids move out. And a lot of moms come to me at that point and they say, I don't know who I am anymore because I was a mom, you know? And one of the things that I love about this book is you're encouraging them to know who they are. And how have you experienced that in your own life, Jennifer? I mean, you just shared with us a couple of minutes ago that you're an empty nester now, JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: you know? And there is an adjustment there. But there are some dangers if you don't really know who you are beyond motherhood, right? JDL: Absolutely. And I get how easy it is to wrap our identities around our motherhood. I decided from when the kids were quite young that I was not going to do that. I didn't want to wrap my identity around them. I didn't want to wrap our marriage around them Becky Harling: Hmm. JDL: because I knew that they weren't always going to be here. And in fact, I told you both Sarah and Becky before we went online with this podcast that our emptiness went really empty and they flew far away. So, Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: you know, looked to Scott and said, it's a really good thing. We like each other. It's a really Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: good thing. We like, we like each other. And also it's a really good thing that we like us like yourself. It's a really good Sarah Wildman: Mm. JDL: thing that you take some time to appreciate how God made you and what his purposes are for you as a human being who loves God. I, I am not convinced. And maybe this is an unpopular thing to say on a mom podcast, but I am not convinced that motherhood is our highest calling. I'm just not I am Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: convinced that glorifying God is our highest calling and that means being Sarah Wildman: Amen. JDL: a great mother That also be means being the fullness of who God created us to be with our hobbies and our interests and maybe vocationally where we volunteer How we pay the bills What we appreciate and our friendships and the foods that we make I mean There's so many things that God Becky Harling: Hmm. JDL: gave us to enjoy to enjoy him and to enjoy this earth and this world that he created. So my hope is to help a woman uncover that as she goes through this process. Becky Harling: Yeah, I really love that answer, Jennifer. You know, I was talking with some people close to me a few weeks ago, actually. And they were talking about, you know, there's a lot of guilt when you're a mom and you work outside the home or you work in the home and you're trying to manage kids and your career and the things that you want to do. And, you know, as I was thinking about it, I thought, you know, I'm really glad. because it would have been easy for me as a mom. I loved being a mom. I still love being a mom and now I love being a grandmother. But it would have been easy for me to wrap my whole life around the kids. But God called me also to be a Bible teacher. JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: And I'm thankful he did because I think otherwise I would have been too tangled up in my kids, you know? JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: And so I love that you talk about how our highest calling is really to glorify God. and not just to raise these humans. The humans are wonderful to raise, JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: you know, and there's so much joy in that. But beyond that, we're called to be followers of Jesus who know our gifts, who appreciate how God has designed us, and who are joining Jesus in his mission in the world. So thank you for that answer. I really love that. JDL: my joy and I'm glad Becky that you have glorified God with your work outside of the home. I mean it's made a difference for so many people. I know because I work for the publishing house where some of your books have been published so I'm really grateful for you and for anybody who's listening right now to know that your other work matters. You know if you're a working mom or a volunteering mom whatever that looks like if you're a ministry mom I know I remember how you can feel so guilty about doing Becky Harling: Yep. JDL: some of those things. Like you're just not a good mom, but you are a good human and you're also modeling what it looks like to glorify God with the other areas of your life, whatever that is for you. Becky Harling: Hmm, I love that. Sarah Wildman: Good encouragement. So back to journaling for JDL: Mm-hmm. Sarah Wildman: a second, because Becky Harling: Hehehehe Sarah Wildman: you know, y'all are convinced that you're going to convince me to be a journaler again. So I've heard about this kind of idea with prayer, but you know, we know that God knows all things. And JDL: Mm-hmm. Sarah Wildman: so sometimes it can be on, it can be hard when we already think God knows these things, right? Like, oh, he already knows what I need or, but how does writing our thoughts down help? Why is journaling, the act of journaling, so important? JDL: That's a great question and I'm going to piggyback off of it as it is relationally to God because I think for those of us with a Christian worldview, as we journal, we aren't just looking at the words as us talking back to ourselves. We can't help but journal and see it as really a conversation with God. So Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: I think you're right. It is like prayer. He knows our thoughts. He knows them before the word is even on our tongue. He knows our thoughts and the ways that we take and all of those things. in an analogy for you, my husband Scott, who I've been married to for 27 years, knows me very, very well. And when he comes in at the end of the day from the pig barns, he's a farmer, when he comes in at the end of the day, he can tell by my body language and by the look on my face if I've had a good day or if I've had a stressful day, if I'm carrying a burden or if I'm lighthearted and ready for a fun night together. have to say a word. He knows. But what kind of relationship would we have if I just let him read the physical cues in the body language and never had a conversation with him? It wouldn't be, it would be a very one way. It wouldn't, there would be no growth. There would be no intimacy. And he obviously can't know my thoughts in the same way that God can. But it's also true that God desires us to be more than, you know, give, you know, giving off our body language to him, like he wants to hear from us in order to become intimate in any kind of relationship. We have to push pause and spend some time time in conversation. And so that's part of the reason why journaling is so good because it really is a conversation with God about the deep things in your life, about the silly things in your life, not only about what you need, but about what brings you joy and what causes you worry and all those things. And is very, very therapeutic counselors and therapists of all stripes of all religious stripes or no religious stripes would agree that therapy Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: is good or that journaling is therapeutic. And I think also Sarah in that regard we see it modeled so beautifully in the Bible. When I read Becky Harling: Hmm. JDL: the Psalms I feel like I just read David's journal that I just Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: read his diary and now those words that they didn't only serve him and the immediate audience but here they are thousands of years later his journal entries helping us in some of our biggest trials. Sarah Wildman: So true. Becky Harling: I love that. And you know, Jennifer, I think as people are listening to us, they're probably thinking, oh, well, I could just go buy a journal, you know, for $4.99 JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: at Target or whatever, you know? So they're probably imagining this journal that you've written as just a book with a lot of lines, JDL: Right. Becky Harling: but it's so much more than that. It's so creative. So one of my favorite things that you did is called Lost in Translation. JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: Tell us about that section of the journal and what that looks like. JDL: Absolutely. And to piggyback off of that comment, Becky, it's so good. I think it's important that people realize this isn't just a bunch of blank pages. There are literally Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: thousands of prompts. And the reason I did it that way is because sometimes when I have a 499 blank journal from target, I get writer's block. When I start to try it, I'm like, I don't know what to say today. And I'm Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: a writer. Like that's what I do for a career. So even more so, what about the non-journal or the non-writer? going to have that too. I love that you asked about the Lost in Translation section. Becky Harling: So fun! JDL: I had so much fun with this. So a long time ago when I was a little girl we had a Portuguese exchange student. She was from Becky Harling: Okay. JDL: Brazil and she taught me a word as she was leaving. on her last days at home, she taught me the word saudade. And saudade is a longing or a nostalgia for somebody who is absent. And she told me that when she went back to Brazil, she was going to have saudade for me, that she was going to Becky Harling: Mmm. JDL: miss me terribly. And I remembered that word all of my growing up years because it was, I had saudade for this big sister who moved back to Brazil. And as I got older, I thought, how interesting is it that there's no good English translation for that word, saudaji? There's not like a one succinct word. When I created the journal, I thought, what would it be like to see what other words are like that out there? Surely there's more than just saudaji, and in fact, there were dozens. And I sprinkle these kinds of words throughout the journal. There are... Many different words and I just picked some of my favorites, but there just isn't a perfect succinct English word Sometimes for what we feel so I listed the word the language that it came from I give the definition and then I give you an opportunity to think about oh, yeah, I've Experienced this before I've experienced Sadhaji I've experienced ya a bernay in Arabic. I've experienced pain as Jaina in speaking or the Arabic peep speaking people who are listening right now because I know how to spell them but I don't know how to pronounce Becky Harling: You JDL: them. Becky Harling: did pretty good with the Arabic one. My husband and I lived in an Arabic country for a couple of years. So you did great with it. Yeah. But I JDL: Thanks Becky Harling: love JDL: for watching! Becky Harling: that part of the journal. And there's JDL: Good. Becky Harling: other fun prompts too. I mean, like me and my places, my best places, you have a whole list. My best bookstore, my best park, my best local lunch joint. I mean, these are just... fun questions JDL: They are. Becky Harling: to help you know yourself better. So for you, Jennifer, what was your favorite question you asked in the book? JDL: You know, Becky Harling: Do you have a favorite? JDL: yeah, there's some that are our favorite from a funny angle. And then there's Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: some that are favorite from a more serious angle that are really like deeply helpful. So I'll start Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: with, I'll start with that one first. My, my favorite one that I think is perhaps the most, one of the most important in the journal is there's a four page section called a genogram. It says, let's make a genogram. Becky Harling: Yes, I JDL: Yeah, Becky Harling: love that you JDL: it's Becky Harling: included JDL: intense. Becky Harling: it. JDL: And a genogram is like a psychological family tree and you diagram the history Sarah Wildman: Ah. JDL: of behaviors and personalities Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: and tendencies of your grandparents, aunts, uncles, great grandparents, and so on. And you look for repetition in behaviors and personalities. And then, you know, like who was maybe unfaithful? Where are Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: we seeing a line of, you know, undiagnosed depression or anger? And also, who was particularly faithful to God, who had a rich prayer life, who was exceptionally kind. And at the end of that, you look for the trends and the tendencies and you decide, what do I wanna carry forward and what cycle stop with me? It's a way of identifying, Sarah Wildman: Wow. JDL: you know, as Christians we call Becky Harling: Mm-hmm. JDL: it strongholds. It's a way of identifying strongholds and taking them before the Lord and saying, this ends with me. And Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: this is what I want to be moving forward. Like I want to be like Grandma Margaret Taylor. She was amazing, exceptionally kind, always generous. That's the kind of woman that I want to be from here on out. So it was really helpful for me. As far as a silly one, and it's one that I've asked for years that will basically turn into all night dance parties when I'm with friends or family. And here it Becky Harling: Nice. JDL: is. Okay, Sarah Wildman: Yes. JDL: yeah, I mean, and I'm all about the dance party. All right, Becky Harling: Right. JDL: as long as you got an Alexa, go off because I just now said that but if you got an Alexa and you've got this question you are going to have fun all night long if you're with a group of like six people so here it is there on page 129 I have a section called my leitmotif and a leitmotif and again I hope I'm saying this right you guys I apologize but it's a short Becky Harling: It's fine. JDL: musical phrase okay so a leitmotif is a short musical phrase and it accompanies the appearance of like a figure or a person in the shark in Jaws, he has his own shark music Sarah Wildman: Yes JDL: to Sarah Wildman: he does. JDL: signal his appearance. Or, you know, like there's certain opera singers and baseball players that have their walk-up song. So from now until the day you die, if the same song came on every time you walked into the room, what song would you want it to be? And I Sarah Wildman: Oh. JDL: have, it is such a fun conversation starter. I remember Sarah Wildman: So fun. JDL: doing this with my mom and dad and My mom and dad were in walkers and we were up at their cabin in northern Minnesota. And mom did her song, Orange Colored Sky, and she actually wanted to walk into the room to it, right? And so she's on her walker and she's pushing her walker into the room on orange colored sky. And dad took his turn. And then of course we're like, but you know what, maybe it's this song. So that is so fun. So do you got one coming to mind, Sarah, Becky? What immediate song comes to mind? Do you have a leitmotif? Becky Harling: We will, we will rock em! JDL: Yes, Becky, you go girl. Sarah Wildman: Wow, coming in strong! JDL: Yeah. Becky Harling: I'm sorry, I can't be f- JDL: We'll see that it's, it is just, it's meant for you. Becky Harling: It's JDL: I mean, Becky Harling: that JDL: it just Becky Harling: such JDL: made its Becky Harling: a fun. JDL: way. Sarah Wildman: How fun. JDL: Yeah. Sarah Wildman: No, JDL: Nobody's Sarah Wildman: I actually JDL: going to mess Sarah Wildman: can JDL: with Sarah Wildman: think JDL: Becky. Sarah Wildman: of some, yeah, no. I'm like, wow. Becky Harling: We probably should Sarah Wildman: That's. Becky Harling: have given a worship song or something, but anyway, JDL: No, Becky Harling: go ahead, JDL: mine Becky Harling: Sarah. JDL: isn't either. Sarah Wildman: It's all good. No, I actually don't have mine. That's something I'm going to have to, but my, my dad loved classic rock. I grew up in a wonderful Christian home with classic rock. That's how it was. Becky Harling: Nice. Sarah Wildman: And JDL: See. Sarah Wildman: he loved Bob Seeger, old time rock and roll. And you know, at the beginning, it's like piano, dun, dun. Like if I hear the beginning bars, that's dad, like always. JDL: Oh, Sarah Wildman: So, JDL: I love that, Sarah Wildman: and he would JDL: that's Sarah Wildman: love JDL: so Sarah Wildman: that. JDL: cool. Sarah Wildman: He would be so fine with that. So JDL: That's Sarah Wildman: yeah, JDL: so Sarah Wildman: I can JDL: cool. Sarah Wildman: think of it for other people. So I'm going to have to reflect on my own. Yeah, because JDL: Yeah. Sarah Wildman: I would say, oh, maybe it's a worship song, Becky, but probably not. Thank you. JDL: Yeah, I'm too shallow. Mine's Becky Harling: It's JDL: like a Becky Harling: just... JDL: 90s song. Sarah Wildman: Yeah, Becky Harling: Well, Sarah Wildman: probably Becky Harling: what's yours, Sarah Wildman: Amy Grant. Becky Harling: Jennifer? JDL: Well, and I wonder what it is. I wonder when that song did come out. I should like quick look that up, but it's a song from Tub Thumping or Chumbawamba. Do you know this one? Okay, Becky Harling: Never heard JDL: I Becky Harling: of JDL: know Becky Harling: it. JDL: you would know it. It says like, I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're Sarah Wildman: Oh, JDL: never Sarah Wildman: get JDL: gonna Sarah Wildman: back JDL: keep Sarah Wildman: up JDL: me Sarah Wildman: again? JDL: down. Becky Harling: Yeah! JDL: I'm not knocked down. Sarah Wildman: Not JDL: It's so Sarah Wildman: you guys JDL: fun. Sarah Wildman: are hip man. You're JDL: Yeah, Sarah Wildman: like JDL: it was it's a 1997 Becky Harling: Look at us! JDL: song. It just makes me Becky Harling: Okay. JDL: want it just makes me want to move Sarah Wildman: Yeah, JDL: and see now Sarah Wildman: that's JDL: like, Sarah Wildman: a good JDL: you know Sarah Wildman: one. JDL: We're together on a set. Imagine it work together on a Saturday night with our friends or spouses or whatever. Wouldn't we have fun with that? Becky Harling: Yes, Sarah Wildman: That is so Becky Harling: it's JDL: Yeah Sarah Wildman: fun. Becky Harling: great! Sarah Wildman: We are getting together with my family, my extended family this week, and that is what I'm gonna bring up, Jennifer, because they will love it. They love music, and this is gonna be so fun. JDL: Yay! Sarah Wildman: And I will have Becky Harling: Yeah. Sarah Wildman: to think of mine, but I'm gonna get a head start because I gotta think of mine. Becky Harling: Yeah, JDL: Okay, Becky Harling: you JDL: yeah. Becky Harling: got to think of yours. So my daughter is a voice teacher, you know, and, um, she probably has a Disney song in her head that would be hers. But this is a great question that you can definitely Sarah Wildman: Oh my Becky Harling: use Sarah Wildman: gosh. Becky Harling: at parties and JDL: Absolutely. Sarah Wildman: Yeah. Becky Harling: all of those things. I JDL: Yeah. Becky Harling: love it. It is such a creative question. I love the whole book. So, I mean, it is so fun girls. You need to get this book. So Sarah, did you have another question? Sarah Wildman: Oh my gosh. Well, yeah. Well, first of all, I'm going to put in my cart and Amazon right now because JDL: We'll see, look! Oh, woo Becky Harling: Oh JDL: woo, Sarah Wildman: see, Becky Harling: good! JDL: woo woo! Sarah Wildman: okay. JDL: We're Sarah Wildman: Legit JDL: getting going. Sarah Wildman: putting it add to cart stuff. I'd only tell God. Becky Harling: Nice. Sarah Wildman: I love it so Becky Harling: How Sarah Wildman: much. Becky Harling: can you do that while we're on together? I'm Sarah Wildman: Double Becky Harling: so Sarah Wildman: screens, Becky Harling: intrigued. Sarah Wildman: Becky. JDL: Yes, Sarah Wildman: Two screens, two screens, Becky Harling: Oh, JDL: two screens, Becky Harling: you're Sarah Wildman: you Becky Harling: brilliant. Sarah Wildman: know. JDL: man, that is impressive. Sarah Wildman: There's JDL: Yeah. Sarah Wildman: my walk up song, two screens. But yes. Becky Harling: Um. Sarah Wildman: Just kidding. I'm going to make up a song. No, JDL: I'm sorry. Sarah Wildman: okay, but I was thinking, Jennifer, is it, could it be used to connect with other moms? Like, could you grab them with another friend? Like what kind of other ways have you seen this journal JDL: Yeah, Sarah Wildman: used to connect JDL: which is Sarah Wildman: with JDL: so Sarah Wildman: yourself, JDL: wild. Sarah Wildman: God, people? JDL: Yeah. I mean, that's so wild to me, Sarah, because literally, when I wrote this, I in my mind, I imagined a woman sitting down and doing this on her own and then like hiding it in the best hiding place that she could possibly find and then making sure that her breast best friend knows that she needs to burn it if she dies, right? Sarah Wildman: Oh my gosh. JDL: What has turned out to be is people their high school grads, like this was like their go-to gift. People were buying them by like the dozen, like a dozen of them and giving them to all the grads that they could think of. Becky Harling: I Sarah Wildman: Yeah, Becky Harling: love JDL: I know Becky Harling: that. JDL: a guy, Sarah Wildman: oh my gosh, what a great idea. JDL: yeah, and they were like clipping little, I showed them how to do it in a reel, but like you can clip on the favorite coffee shop page, you can clip a Starbucks card. Money Matters section, I showed them how to clip $10 bills or whatever. I mean, you can just make it be whatever you want or stick little Post-It notes with advice. So there's kids doing it, there's moms doing it with their kids. I mean, you can't do all of these with your kids. There's some of it is just too heavy. But there's plenty of questions, like people are using them on their summer road trips right now, like just Becky Harling: Oh, that's JDL: to Becky Harling: a great JDL: pass the time. Becky Harling: idea. JDL: Yeah. Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: I mean, Sarah Wildman: So good. JDL: you mentioned places a little bit ago. Becky, you know, the best places, like, can you imagine how fun that would be to ask like your teenage daughter, Becky Harling: Yes. JDL: what's your favorite place to, you know, get a good bargain or Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: your six year old son, like honey, what's your best thinking spot? Or your Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: husband, what's your favorite local lunch joint? They're just fun questions. Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: But men too, a man in Eastern Iowa bought them for 10 people at a homeless shelter. I mean, Becky Harling: Oh, that's great. JDL: yeah, it's men, it's women, it's couples, it's moms with their kids, it's dating couples, it's girls groups together. So it's whatever you want it to be. Like I said earlier, I wrote the thing, but it's like 20% complete because the really good stuff happens when you fill it out and potentially when you do it with other people. Becky Harling: Well, that's what I love about it because it's not like you have to sit down and do this book in one sitting. I mean, you won't be able to, but you could take different pieces. Like if you're on a road trip and ask your kids some of those questions, you know, JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: or you could have your kids describe some of those foreign words and how what JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: they would identify with that. I mean, there's so many ways to use this book. I'm envisioning, you know, girlfriend gatherings where moms get together and they pull out this book and they ask each other, you know, because a lot of times I think we don't take the time to really get to know people as well as we could. So the book can be used to get to know yourself better, but it JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: can also be used to get to know other people better. So you recommend in the book, Jennifer, sharing your secrets with one other person besides God. Now. Sarah Wildman: Mmm. Becky Harling: Why? That might feel a little scary to some of our listeners. Like, oh, there's some secrets I'll never share with anybody. Why do you recommend that? JDL: Yeah, you know after they've come that far I wanted to issue a challenge to take it one step further because um and now I'm seeing people just do that straight out of the gate but at the very Becky Harling: Okay. JDL: end of the book I said you might you might not want to share it with anybody but um I encourage you to think about sharing it with other people because uh we all know that you know for instance when there's a group of moms together and somebody says you know this is something I really I'm really now everybody else around the table is like, Oh, me too. I thought I was the only Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: one that felt that way. So it creates bond and connection and intimacy, not only with God, but with other people. I've even seen that with just sharing some of my answers with my husband, you know, like I was asking him some of the questions I'm like, I never knew that about you. I never knew that that's Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: what, you know, that you thought that about that particular thing. So not every question might lend itself to that, but certainly my encouragement is to take at the next level and it will create stronger bonds with the people you love. Becky Harling: Yeah, I love that, you know, because as you probably know, the Surgeon General came out with a report maybe a month ago now about how loneliness is on the rise in our country and that it's the new pandemic. And I think a lot of times people are hiding maybe behind their computer screens or social JDL: Mm. Becky Harling: media or whatever. So we're getting a fake view of each other rather than really understanding each other. And these questions are so fabulous. to include in your next party, dinner party, or conversation, or coffee date with your girlfriend, or even when you're having a play date with your kids, you JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: know, rather than scrolling Instagram, talk to your friends about some of these questions and really seek to get to know them because every person is this beautiful creation of JDL: Hmm. Becky Harling: God. And they're filled with so much life and so many amazing stories that maybe you could never even imagine. So I really want to encourage you to get this book. Be like Sarah who just put it in her Amazon cart. So where can our listeners go Jennifer if they want to stay in touch with you? Because I'm sure they've all fallen in love with you now and they're all going to want to be besties with you. So how can they connect with you? JDL: I am Jennifer Duxley everywhere online, whether that's TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, that's my Becky Harling: Okay, JDL: website, Becky Harling: wait, you're on TikTok? JDL: I'm on TikTok. Becky Harling: I'm so impressed. Sarah Wildman: She's hip. Becky Harling: Wow. I did not know that about you. So are you doing the dance that goes with your walk-in music? JDL: I have a reel with my walk-in music. Becky Harling: Oh, okay. You're going to have to share that with JDL: I am Becky Harling: us. JDL: going to share that with you. In fact, I have Becky Harling: Perfect. JDL: one with, I've got two versions of it, Becky and Sarah, because one of them is just me coming into my Chumbawumba song. But then a podcaster that I was with said, how about we each come into our song and then we'll mash it up together in one reel? Becky Harling: Wow. JDL: So I don't Sarah Wildman: Oh. JDL: know. I mean, Becky Harling: That's JDL: I'm just saying, Becky Harling: amazing! JDL: so, you know, I'm just, I'm just suggesting Becky that you, you Becky Harling: come JDL: know, you Becky Harling: in with, JDL: just Becky Harling: we JDL: get Becky Harling: will JDL: you come Becky Harling: rumour-o-rock JDL: in. Becky Harling: them. JDL: I think it's a great idea. Oh, and then one, I want other place that I wanted to tell you about this place because we kind of got off track again. Becky Harling: Yeah, JDL: But Becky Harling: that's fine. We're having JDL: stuff. Becky Harling: fun. JDL: On Instagram, I'm also at Stuff I'd Only Tell God. I have a new account, and on there I share a lot from the journal, and we have a fun little community going where we share our answers to some of these questions. Becky Harling: I love that. And I mean, this was such a fun interview, Jennifer. JDL: Mmm. Becky Harling: I mean, Sarah and I might just need to come visit you on the farm JDL: That'd Becky Harling: and, JDL: be fun. Becky Harling: yeah, and see your dance moves. That JDL: I'm Becky Harling: would JDL: sorry. Becky Harling: be just amazing. And then where can they get the book if they want to? I mean, obviously Sarah modeled for us that you can get JDL: Yes. Becky Harling: it on Amazon, which you got to love Amazon because they'll deliver it to your door tomorrow. But- JDL: That's right. Becky Harling: Beside that, where else can you get it? JDL: You know, if there's a 30% off always at Baker bookhouse.com. Becky Harling: Wow, JDL: So yeah, and Becky, Becky Harling: who knew? JDL: your, Becky Harling: I don't even know that and I'm JDL: your Becky Harling: one JDL: books, Becky Harling: of their authors. JDL: your books, I almost guarantee you are right now 30% off on Baker Sarah Wildman: Okay, JDL: Bookhouse, because you Becky Harling: Wow. JDL: are Sarah Wildman: look JDL: a Bethany Sarah Wildman: check that JDL: author. Sarah Wildman: out. JDL: Yeah, go check it out. Sarah Wildman: Okay. Becky Harling: I will. I JDL: and Becky Harling: did JDL: I Becky Harling: not JDL: love Becky Harling: know that. JDL: I love sharing Baker Bookhouse because the physical store is incredible if you've ever been Becky Harling: Yes, JDL: to it in the Becky Harling: the JDL: Grand Becky Harling: physical JDL: Rapids Becky Harling: store is. Sarah Wildman: Mm. Becky Harling: Yeah. JDL: but the online store is great too they pack that stuff up and send it out right away it's good Becky Harling: Yeah, they, they are amazing. They, um, I did a book signing there and then I did something else through them, but they, they have in the back of the store too, used books. JDL: Mmm. Becky Harling: And I just love that bookstore. It's incredible. So, JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: but that's good for me to know, cause my books are there and I didn't even know that Jennifer, so I've learned so much from you today. I've learned what your favorite song is. I've learned about your dance moves. I. Learned that your kids are off in two different countries right now. Um, you know, this has been so much fun. We need each other girls as friends JDL: Mm-hmm. Becky Harling: and we need to connect. And this book by Jennifer is so amazing because it's going to help you connect with yourself more intentionally, but it's also a great tool to help you to connect with God. your friends and your kids. Cause like JDL: Hmm. Becky Harling: Jennifer suggested, there's a lot of questions in the book you could use with your teens or your grade school kids to find out more about them so that they feel more connected to you. Hey Jennifer, would you close us out with prayer and just pray for our listeners? JDL: Absolutely, that'd be my joy. Dear God, thank you so much for this great conversation with these two amazing sisters in Christ. And we thank you also for all of the people out there that we can't see right now, but we feel their presence with us in a way because of you and your Holy Spirit connecting all of us. So thank you for that. Thank you for the technology that allows that. I pray right now, especially for any mom listening right now who just feels overwhelmed, who the last thing on her mind is journaling. And I get that Lord. I've been right there. Just come close to her and comfort her. and encourage her in the way that only you can do. And finally, Lord, the Lord bless you and keep you mother on the other end of this conversation. Becky Harling: Mm. JDL: The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. In Jesus' name, amen. Becky Harling: Amen. Hey friends, thanks for joining us today for this episode of The Connected Mom. And we are hoping that you're going to join us again next week where we'll have another conversation helping you to connect more deeply with God, more empathically with your fellow moms, and more intentionally with your child.