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Transcript

How to Shift From Stress to Sanity with Melissa Lewis-Duarte · Let's Get Naked

0:00
SPEAKER_03: Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
0:01
SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Let's Get Naked podcast, where we dive deep into vulnerability.
0:06
SPEAKER_03: In this space, we'll explore what triggers us, uncover the patterns holding us back, and discover how to take charge of our own growth.
0:14
SPEAKER_03: If you're ready to dig in, be vulnerable, and face the tough stuff, then buckle up.
0:19
SPEAKER_03: It's time to get naked.
0:22
SPEAKER_03: Some of you have been in survival mode for so long, it feels normal.
0:27
SPEAKER_03: Just because someone looks like they have it together does not mean they're okay.
0:32
SPEAKER_03: In fact, the people who look the most put together, those are usually the ones carrying the heaviest load.
0:39
SPEAKER_03: They're the fixers, the reliable ones, the ones everyone leans on.
0:45
SPEAKER_03: And they've gotten so good at holding it all together that nobody sees the anxiety, the burnout, the emotional exhaustion sitting just under the surface.
0:56
SPEAKER_03: Because high functioning doesn't mean healthy.
1:00
SPEAKER_03: It just means you've mastered survival.
1:03
SPEAKER_03: And when you step into a caregiving role, that survival mode locks in.
1:08
SPEAKER_03: You don't get to fall apart.
1:10
SPEAKER_03: You don't get to opt out.
1:13
SPEAKER_03: You become the steady one, the strong one, the one who figures it out.
1:18
SPEAKER_03: While your own needs slowly get quieter and quieter and quieter.
1:24
SPEAKER_03: Until one day you realize you don't even know what you need anymore.
1:29
SPEAKER_03: That's what caregiving does psychologically.
1:32
SPEAKER_03: It disconnects you from yourself in the name of showing up for everyone else.
1:38
SPEAKER_03: And here's where it gets real.
1:40
SPEAKER_03: When that season finally shifts, when the crisis isn't screaming as loud, you don't magically bounce back.
1:48
SPEAKER_03: You're left trying to rebuild a version of yourself you barely recognize.
1:53
SPEAKER_03: And we've been sold this idea that resilience looks like some big dramatic comeback.
2:00
SPEAKER_03: It doesn't.
2:03
SPEAKER_03: Resilience is way less sexy than that.
2:05
SPEAKER_03: It's small, it's messy.
2:08
SPEAKER_03: It's five-minute decisions that slowly bring you back online.
2:13
SPEAKER_03: It's choosing to pause instead of push, to breathe instead of power through, to reconnect instead of perform.
2:23
SPEAKER_03: Not all at once, but piece by piece.
2:27
SPEAKER_03: Because moving from just functioning to actually feeling calm, clear, and like yourself again, that doesn't happen in a breakthrough moment.
2:36
SPEAKER_03: It happens in tiny, consistent ones.
2:39
SPEAKER_03: So if you've been the one holding everything together, this episode is your permission slip to stop pretending that hasn't cost you something.
2:48
SPEAKER_03: And more importantly, to start figuring out how to get yourself back.
2:52
SPEAKER_03: Let's get into it.
2:54
SPEAKER_03: Today I'm stripping it all off with Melissa Lewis Duart.
2:58
SPEAKER_03: Melissa is a stress management and resilience coach with a PhD in psychology, a national board certification in health and wellness coaching, and training through the Andrew Weil Center for Integrative Medicine.
3:12
SPEAKER_03: Her work is deeply personal, shaped by her experience navigating a traumatic pregnancy and a 189-day NICU journey with her youngest son, which left her functioning as a caregiver while cro excuse me, while quietly struggling with anxiety and burnout.
3:29
SPEAKER_03: Today she helped helps overwhelmed, high-functioning people build resilience through simple five-minute habits that make it easier to manage stress, feel calmer, and function at their best.
3:41
SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the show, Melissa.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
3:42
SPEAKER_03: I'm so excited to be here.
3:44
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
3:44
SPEAKER_03: Thank you for your patience as we work through that.
3:46
SPEAKER_03: No problem.
3:47
SPEAKER_03: For our listeners, I had to work through the intro about six times because we were trying to figure out the teleprompter as I level up the show.
3:54
SPEAKER_03: So Melissa's been sitting here patiently learning my intro, and by this point she could probably say it herself.
3:58
SPEAKER_03: But you did great.
3:59
SPEAKER_03: You did great.
4:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so welcome.
4:01
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
4:02
SPEAKER_03: Um start by telling us a little bit about you, you know, your family dynamic, all of the things that kind of lead you to where we are today, but just the high view.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: I think you did a great job.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm like, did you know, did I tell you all this?
4:14
SPEAKER_01: How do you know me so well?
4:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yes, I I got into stress management coaching because of a deeply personal experience where I um, you know, with our third pregnancy, uh it was high risk, and I hemorrhaged at 16 weeks, and we were essentially told that I wouldn't survive, the baby wouldn't survive.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: It was traumatic.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: I had a one and a three-year-old at home as well.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: So it was a lot.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: We were living for the year um in Baltimore, and so my mom and mother-in-law had to fly out and help take care of us.
4:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, and uh, luckily, I did survive.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: My son did survive.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: I made it to 25 weeks when he was born.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, but by that point, he hadn't had fluid, his lungs hadn't developed.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: So it ended up being a long journey for him to uh be able to come home.
5:06
SPEAKER_01: So it was six months of Nikki's stay while still having the one and three-year-old at home.
5:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, my husband was freshly out of his um fellowship for medicine, so he was starting launching into his career, and it was a lot.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, and what I found was as my son got stronger and stronger, I got weaker.
5:27
SPEAKER_01: Um and it was because I was holding it together all that time.
5:30
SPEAKER_01: I was dealing with the chronic stress of that, the threat of having a child on life support and not knowing if they'll survive.
5:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it wasn't just there, I had a whole shaky foundation.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: I had been diagnosed with anxiety in college and had really tried to figure out how do I navigate anxiety, how do I manage?
5:52
SPEAKER_01: And I had done pretty well up until that point, but I had that and lots of perfectionism.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: We had moved a lot of times from my husband's training.
6:02
SPEAKER_01: We had this young family, and so it really was a breaking point for me as he got better, even though I was like, why?
6:10
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I should be everything should be great now.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: My baby survived, like we're getting back to normal.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: And it taught me a lot about the toll of chronic stress, um, and that holding it together doesn't mean that you're not gonna pay the price at some point.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: And the body really does have a way of teaching us, and if we don't listen to it, it will make us listen.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: And that's what happened.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: I eventually was diagnosed uh with POTS, which is postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: So when I would stand up or move, I my heart would start to race unexpectedly, which is not great for someone who has anxiety.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I also got vestibular migraines, and so it was like all of a sudden the toll was becoming very physical.
6:53
SPEAKER_01: And I had multiple doctors say, look, you have to control your stress.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: It's like, that's yes, and how.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: Right.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: And so that's when I decided to throw myself into researching it.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: It was sort of like me search, like solve my own problem and use uh my psychology background and um start to really think about okay, what am I supposed to be doing?
7:16
SPEAKER_01: And there's all these things we know we should do to take care of ourselves, and we put it on the back burner, particularly if we're caregivers.
7:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I started as an experiment.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm gonna spend 10 minutes a day.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: That's it, 10 minutes a day starting to do the things I know I should be doing.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, and as I did that, as I did research, as I experimented, I wrote about it, I started a blog about it.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: Um, and fast forward a year and I realized, oh, that's funny.
7:43
SPEAKER_01: All these things that I knew I should be doing really did have an impact, but they didn't have to be huge.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like I had some life-changing experience.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: I had three little kids at home.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like I got to go live in some, you know, meditative state for three months.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: I had to find ways to do it in real life.
8:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so after that, uh I realized, okay, this project feels good, but what do I do?
8:07
SPEAKER_01: How do I now expand to help other people?
8:09
SPEAKER_01: And that's when I just, you know, found sort of the integrative approach, which really stresses that mind-body connection, that thing that had been missing for me.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: Um and uh did training for health and wellness coaching and it from the integrative perspective, and now that's what I do.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: And so I help other people who are sort of have been holding it together.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: It's not like they're in a crisis mode, um, but they're starting to notice the toll of not taking care of themselves, of um living with chronic stress, and they they need help figuring out, okay, what can I do that's realistic?
8:45
SPEAKER_01: How does this fit in my life?
8:46
SPEAKER_01: Right.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: Because most tell me I'm too busy to take care of myself.
8:49
SPEAKER_03: Right.
8:49
SPEAKER_03: Well, and I think, you know, I I give advice, but I'm coming from this perspective of I don't have kids at home anymore, right?
8:55
SPEAKER_03: So it's real easy for me to say, take care of yourself, you know, whatever.
8:58
SPEAKER_03: But you know, when you have three little kids at home and you're trying to figure out ways to put investments into yourself, yeah, that's powerful.
9:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: And it's important to know that five minutes really does make a difference.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: Um, and that it doesn't have to be perfect.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: And that's why I like your sort of messy perspective or the idea of allow it to be messy because it is, it's never perfect.
9:19
SPEAKER_01: And I think that perfectionism causes us a lot of unnecessary stress.
9:24
SPEAKER_03: I agree with you a thousand percent, which is why as soon as I finish my intro, I tell everyone, oh my god, you guys, I shit the bed on this one, trying to get into this.
9:30
SPEAKER_03: But but because I think that that's relatable, you know.
9:32
SPEAKER_03: I don't want to hear see somebody that's perfect, that doesn't um make mistakes, that has all the filters and all of the things that isn't relatable for me.
9:39
SPEAKER_03: And while I think that there's a place for all of that, and if that's what your jam is, then by all means go to that channel.
9:44
SPEAKER_03: But um, the channel that I put out there is one that shows all of the messy parts that says, you know, I'm I'm working on incorporating a teleprompter in because I want to level the show up and you know, figuring out the speed and what that looks like and staring into the blinding lights that my producer puts in front of us so that I have to read into.
10:01
SPEAKER_03: It's like people at home should know that.
10:02
SPEAKER_03: This is not something where I'm up here like, oh, I have plenty of experience doing this.
10:06
SPEAKER_03: I have no idea what I'm doing.
10:07
SPEAKER_03: Although I know that the universe tells me this is what you're doing now.
10:11
SPEAKER_03: And I, you know, I say my nieces are watching, my daughters are watching, my girlfriends are watching.
10:17
SPEAKER_03: And so when I think I can't do something, one of their little faces pops in, thank you, Creighton, into my into my face and goes, You can do it, Auntie, you can do it, you know.
10:25
SPEAKER_03: And yes, it's messy, and yes, it's all the things, but we're meant to do it.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: That gives you that sense of community, right?
10:30
SPEAKER_01: And that's why I started the blog the way I did, was because I wanted to write about my own journey as this messy thing, as someone in the trenches trying it out, doing it too, not as someone who is putting forth a very polished image of what it might look like maybe in 20 years after I've been doing it for a long time.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: But what does it look like when you're in the moment and really trying and struggling or it's not working?
10:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: Um, and and I wanted that sense of community with other people who are working on it too.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's important to offer that.
11:04
SPEAKER_03: For the blog that you did, did that feel like journaling for you?
11:07
SPEAKER_03: I I don't know a lot about blogs.
11:08
SPEAKER_03: Obviously, I know what a blog is, but like as far as having the motivation to do that, it feels to me like it would feel like a a journaling type situation where it's you're processing, you know, you're kind of thinking about things as you're doing it, and then also have the community background around that that, like, oh my god, thank God you're saying those things.
11:25
SPEAKER_03: Well, let me just preface by saying I don't really know a lot about blogging either.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: It was like this weird, it was uh I just launched it.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't give myself much time to talk myself out of it.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: It was like, I'm gonna do this now because for whatever reason, um, the idea of a blog or just having something to write about appealed to me.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: Journaling at that time really didn't ever, I wasn't much of a journaler because I felt like it didn't serve a purpose and that there's probably something in there about not everything has to serve a purpose, right?
11:57
SPEAKER_01: But um it felt more like I was going back to my roots of researching and taking something that maybe there's some research paper, some science behind it, but what does it look like in the real world?
12:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:09
SPEAKER_01: If we actually try and do this, how does it work or not work, or what are the limitations?
12:14
SPEAKER_01: And so for me, it was more like my own little research project and getting to talk about that and talk about how I'm trying it too.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: And we're all just trying.
12:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and here's what's working, here's what's not, here's my experience with things.
12:29
SPEAKER_03: Two things that you said one, love the me search, by the way.
12:32
SPEAKER_03: Love that term.
12:33
SPEAKER_03: Super, I never have heard that before.
12:34
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely love it.
12:35
SPEAKER_03: I think that's awesome.
12:36
SPEAKER_03: Um, and then the second one when you were talking about um oh god, I knew this was gonna happen today.
12:42
SPEAKER_03: It's okay.
12:43
SPEAKER_03: It just it just it'll come back.
12:45
SPEAKER_03: It'll come back.
12:45
SPEAKER_03: It just it's it's gone.
12:46
SPEAKER_03: There was a second thing.
12:47
SPEAKER_03: I should never do that.
12:48
SPEAKER_03: I even tell myself, like, don't do a one and then a two, you'll forget whatever the subject is.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: I I do that in my own conversations too.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: It's yeah, making yourself vulnerable.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
12:56
SPEAKER_03: It is, that's all right.
12:57
SPEAKER_03: So, well, that's that's absolutely fantastic that you take that and and really lean into that for sharing that.
13:03
SPEAKER_03: Oh, it did come back, thank God.
13:05
SPEAKER_03: So you're a cannonballer, right?
13:06
SPEAKER_03: Like when you say that you're still talking about it.
13:08
SPEAKER_03: You're a cannonballer.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and I and I thought about how that experience really was launching in.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, and what I talk to my coaching clients now, in terms of what I loved with your idea of cannonballing, is that we're always waiting for the right time, particularly people who are the doers who are maybe a little more anxious or carrying a lot larger load, they want it to be perfect.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: They want things to line up.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: They want to have a research, like they want to have their spreadsheet figured out or their calendar perfect before they dip their toe in the water.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: And oftentimes that prevents us from taking the step, right?
13:47
SPEAKER_01: It has to be I can't just take a minute to take a deep breath.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: I've got to meditate for 20 minutes.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, versus the idea of like if it strikes you, try it.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Agree.
13:56
SPEAKER_03: Just stop now and try it.
13:57
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
13:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, just absolutely lean all the way in and do the thing because ready is not a feeling, it's an action.
14:03
SPEAKER_03: I got it.
14:04
SPEAKER_03: Right?
14:04
SPEAKER_03: I like that.
14:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
14:05
SPEAKER_03: It's it's really important to realize that and to realize when you look around at other people that are doing main cure character stuff in their lives, you can do the exact same thing.
14:14
SPEAKER_03: All those people are doing is when you get that nudge, like you said, and then just doing it.
14:18
SPEAKER_03: Because for me, it's like when the when the universe says you're doing a podcast now, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, right?
14:25
SPEAKER_03: I mean, we can look around at the set that we're on.
14:27
SPEAKER_03: This is basically a TV show.
14:28
SPEAKER_03: Like, for God's sakes, I had no idea I was doing this.
14:30
SPEAKER_03: When I when I agreed with the universe to do the podcast, I'm thinking, okay, microphone in my office, saying the safety of my desk, safety of my desk, right?
14:39
SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm not the person that's always polished.
14:41
SPEAKER_03: I'm I've always been um the the tomboy and the all of the things, you know, the girl next door vibes.
14:46
SPEAKER_03: And this is not what that is at all.
14:48
SPEAKER_03: And also, I feel like what I'm doing is the absolute right thing, which I hope that that's exactly what you felt like with the blog and the connection and that that just served what you needed in that moment.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: I felt, you know, after about a year, I was like, okay, clearly I'm not a blogger, but this was for a purpose.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: And I'm in a better spot now.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: What?
15:06
SPEAKER_01: Now what do I do with it?
15:07
SPEAKER_01: And that's when um coaching became much more um it just revealed itself.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: And it's interesting how we end up in a place where we were meant to be all along, but at the time you're sort of frustrated, like, what am I doing?
15:21
SPEAKER_01: I wish I had all the answers.
15:23
SPEAKER_01: I wish I knew exactly where I was going with this.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think part of what that taught me was the importance of curiosity and just approaching it and sort of canning cannonballing is similar.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, what's gonna happen?
15:37
SPEAKER_01: Let's see.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: We don't have to have it figured out.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: Let's give it a try.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: I always tell people when I'm coaching them on trying something new, approach it as a curious experimenter.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: Like we're just running, we're collecting data.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, data points.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: Throw up data points.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be a certain result.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: We don't know what the result's supposed to be.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: We're just gonna try it out.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: That's part of the goes.
15:57
SPEAKER_03: That's part of the fun.
15:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I have I have a gal that that's been in my life for a long time, and we talk about things, and whenever she gets to a place where she's hesitating about something, I'll do the whole, what are you afraid of?
16:07
SPEAKER_03: You know, and so we'll talk about talk that through, and she'll say, I'm afraid that whatever, right?
16:12
SPEAKER_03: Say, say it's I'm afraid I'll look stupid.
16:14
SPEAKER_03: And I look at her as soon as she says whatever it is, and I said, You will.
16:17
SPEAKER_03: Like, okay, and then what happened?
16:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right?
16:20
SPEAKER_03: Like, yeah, I'm I'm afraid of failing.
16:21
SPEAKER_03: That that's on the table.
16:23
SPEAKER_03: That absolutely is very possible, right?
16:25
SPEAKER_03: But to me, I think if you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough, you know.
16:28
SPEAKER_03: And I think we've gotten into this where um our younger generations especially continue to get more and more afraid to step up to the plate and swing for the fence.
16:37
SPEAKER_03: That hurts my soul because I I trip and fall all the time, right?
16:41
SPEAKER_03: I do it at full volume on a on a stage now, apparently, which, you know, good news, bad news.
16:46
SPEAKER_03: Um, but I do this and I force myself to do this, not because I'm comfortable with it, but because of the people that I say are watching, and I want them to also see chase your highest excitement, chase the thing that really feeds you.
16:58
SPEAKER_03: You know, when you when you talk about what can I do to be giving back and finding your purpose, um, you may not have the clarity when you're first cannonballing, and that's okay.
17:06
SPEAKER_03: And sometimes it takes more than just a minute to catch up.
17:09
SPEAKER_03: But when the clarity comes and when you're chasing your, you know, you follow your knowing and like what it's leaning leading you to do, it's powerful stuff.
17:16
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
17:17
SPEAKER_03: For sure, for sure.
17:18
SPEAKER_03: Life happens in the messy parts.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: It does.
17:21
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's important for people who are overwhelmed, whether it's from caregiving, work, health, like all kinds of things, who are dealing with chronic stress to have to take a moment, because they may not be ready to just cannonball, right?
17:33
SPEAKER_01: Because it doesn't feel safe because they've been dealing with that for so long.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: Um, but there are little things they can start to do to sort of reset their nervous system or to take care of some of their foundational health or to even just uh reconnect with that rather than it having to be this big giant thing.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: They might have to first get to a place where they even feel like they can reconnect.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: Right.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: And everybody isn't cannonballers, right?
17:59
SPEAKER_03: Like I'm not saying encouraging everyone like go do this.
18:02
SPEAKER_03: This just happens to be who I've always been, right?
18:04
SPEAKER_03: Like not, yes, I've gotten where I've refined it and I'm using my powers for good.
18:08
SPEAKER_03: I used to be a cannonballer for not good.
18:10
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I don't mean it like that way, but it's risky behind cannonballing.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: But the idea, I like the idea of like the time is now.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: If you're thinking about it, dip your toe in the water.
18:20
SPEAKER_03: Because what's the worst that's gonna happen?
18:22
SPEAKER_03: Sure, that could happen, but don't live in fear.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:24
SPEAKER_03: You know, I think that's a that's a big part of it.
18:26
SPEAKER_03: A couple years ago, I had this whole surrender experiment.
18:29
SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm a big fan of Michael Singer and his untethered soul, and he has a surrender experiment book.
18:34
SPEAKER_03: And if you haven't read that, highly, highly, highly encouraged that you do that.
18:37
SPEAKER_03: Um, but what you guys are watching at full volume on the stage is my surrender experiment.
18:42
SPEAKER_03: Because I did that two years ago, uh, in February will be two years.
18:45
SPEAKER_03: This past February was two years.
18:47
SPEAKER_03: And I look at what my life is right now, and it's unrecognizable in all of the best possible ways.
18:52
SPEAKER_03: It's amazing.
18:52
SPEAKER_03: Because um, I didn't realize I was gonna write a book and I wrote a book, and now I'm doing all that stuff.
18:56
SPEAKER_03: I didn't realize I was gonna do a show, and now I'm doing that, and that's it's bringing all of this connection and all of these this feedback and the and the people that say, Oh my god, I needed to hear that today, or or whatever that looks like.
19:07
SPEAKER_03: Is it scary?
19:08
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I do scary stuff every single day.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and that the word surrender um struck me when you were talking about your friend.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, yeah, you might make a fool of yourself and you'll be okay.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think it's important to that component of mindfulness where you are in the moment and non-judgmental.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: That's the part that's takes some practice, but where, you know, it might be a failure, it might not go well, you might make a fool, you might get anxious.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: Any of those things can happen.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: And as soon as we let go of trying to control that, I feel like it has a lot less power over us.
19:45
SPEAKER_03: I I agree with you a thousand percent.
19:47
SPEAKER_03: Say more to me about um anxiety, if you don't mind.
19:50
SPEAKER_03: Just kind of how like things that you've found on your journey of um ways that you work with that instead of kind of letting that run the show.
19:57
SPEAKER_03: Because I know for a lot of people that can very easily run the show.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: And I for sure.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: And the more you try to control in order to keep the anxiety at bay, I call it like white knuckling it, uh, the worse it gets, the more control it gets over you.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: And so what I found for me in particular was learning to surrender to the anxiety would stop it so much sooner than trying to resist the anxiety.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: So resistance is persistence, is what I always say.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: Um, and instead, if you just sort of allow the anxiety to actually feel it, uh it's another sort of uh tool that I've used in terms of stress and anxiety is emotional regulation.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: And what that involves is allowing yourself to feel your emotions.
20:44
SPEAKER_01: Because so time, so often we try to run from those uncomfortable things rather than just stop for a minute and say, okay, what is this?
20:52
SPEAKER_01: So name the emotion, actually process it in your body.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: And for those um who struggle with even knowing, like, I don't know where I feel it.
21:00
SPEAKER_01: I it you can sort of think about if it were a color, what color would it be?
21:05
SPEAKER_01: If it were a texture, what texture would it be?
21:07
SPEAKER_01: And trying to figure out, feel it.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then ask yourself what you need in the moment.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: What would help you?
21:14
SPEAKER_01: You know, if it's fear, then what would make you feel calm?
21:17
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's uh sort of like giving yourself a hug, no matter how silly that feels in the moment.
21:21
SPEAKER_02: Right.
21:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think emotional regulation can be really helpful for people who have anxiety, and what that means is feeling the anxiety rather than running from it.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: Um, but any of the tools that I teach really for resilience are the things that also help keep anxiety in check for me.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: So um, you know, as I've worked with people and tried this myself, I've come up with different um sort of ways in to manage anxiety and stress.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: And so there are physical things.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: So uh those are the things that help to reset or regulate your nervous system.
21:59
SPEAKER_01: So typical.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Like sleep, nutrition, um uh hydration, that kind of stuff can be really helpful.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: But also breath work.
22:07
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
22:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, that was something that was huge for me, really understanding that the what we feel, our emotions, are coming from signals from our body and from our environment.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: So all of the signals in our body are constantly going up to the brain.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: Information's coming in from our environment, and then our brain is taking that, thinking what has happened in the past and trying to make a prediction for the future.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: And if that's the case, we can change the signal going to the brain by changing our breathing patterns.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: There's not a whole lot in our body, like the automatic processing that we can change other than breath work.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Um, and by changing that signal, we can have a huge impact on how our brain is interpreting what's going on and making predictions about whether we're in a threat, you know, situation or not.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, so that's sort of physical.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's cognitive, depending on the person.
23:03
SPEAKER_01: So it might be that um we need to really shift the dialogue going up, you know, between the ears, because so much of our stress is really what's happening between the ears.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so a big one for me was self-compassion.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: And I think for people who um struggle with anxiety, it's not uncommon to really be beating yourself up about it.
23:26
SPEAKER_01: And when I first heard the term self-compassion from my therapist at the time, it it to me it was like this is a little woo-woo.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, are we gonna be sitting in a circle and like like give ourselves a hug?
23:38
SPEAKER_01: Like, is that really gonna work?
23:40
SPEAKER_01: But as soon as I actually dove into like what does it mean to be self-compassionate, what's the research behind it?
23:47
SPEAKER_01: There's really good data that shows that people who are more compassionate to themselves, they achieve more, they do better, they feel better, um, and you can learn it.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: That's what's great about it.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: It's a skill.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: And so, really thinking about what I was saying to myself in those moments when I was vulnerable or anxious, um, that shifted a lot.
24:09
SPEAKER_01: So, that's more the cognitive.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: So, you can sort of do the bottom up, you can do the top-down.
24:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, there's the emotional that I had talked about before, which is really thinking about how being able to respond rather than just react, huge be in reactive mode all the time.
24:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then another sort of way into managing anxiety and stress is what I call purposeful.
24:30
SPEAKER_01: So thinking about things like your relationships, uh, nature, time in nature.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: And a big one that I try and get adults to think about is play.
24:41
SPEAKER_01: Because when we're adulting, we forget who are we?
24:45
SPEAKER_01: What is fun?
24:47
SPEAKER_01: And we stop doing that.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and so that's a huge part component in feeling fulfilled in a life well lived is doing things not because they serve a purpose, but because we just enjoy them.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: They make us feel good.
25:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then one other way is organizational, is really thinking about how to prioritize.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: It's more the logistics behind it.
25:10
SPEAKER_01: So, how do we manage our schedule?
25:13
SPEAKER_01: How do we build habits in a way that is sustainable?
25:17
SPEAKER_01: Um, do we know what like our mission and our values are?
25:21
SPEAKER_01: So the conversations I have with people, they'll say, I haven't had to do this or think about this since I was writing an essay for college admissions, you know.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: But it's important for us to really re-evaluate who are we, what's important, and and are we living in congruent with congruence with that?
25:38
SPEAKER_03: Here's the deal: your life isn't going to magically fix itself.
25:42
SPEAKER_03: Nobody's coming to save you.
25:44
SPEAKER_03: But you can learn how to save yourself.
25:47
SPEAKER_03: That's what this book is.
25:48
SPEAKER_03: It's a no BS guide to stop outsourcing your happiness, stop making excuses, and start living with purpose.
25:56
SPEAKER_03: If you're tired of waiting for someday, consider this your wake-up call.
26:01
SPEAKER_03: Someday is today.
26:02
SPEAKER_03: Get your copy of the Life Hack Playbook on Amazon or on the podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
26:13
SPEAKER_03: And I think that's the biggest component of it.
26:15
SPEAKER_03: You know, I look at that and I had a guy named George on, and I swear the way that he delivered his message was so powerful because it was like, you know, only they say only 3% of people do goal setting.
26:28
SPEAKER_03: And it's proven that that that absolutely works.
26:31
SPEAKER_03: And when you talk about understanding what your priorities are, and if you just ask somebody when you start working with them and they're like, I don't know, get real clear on what your priorities are because then you can say, do my actions align with what my priorities are?
26:42
SPEAKER_03: And can I show myself the evidence, right?
26:44
SPEAKER_03: So it's like if I say that date night is important, that my marriage is important, show me on your calendar where date nights are.
26:49
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
26:50
SPEAKER_03: If if I say that, you know, saving for my kids' college is important to me, show me the evidence.
26:55
SPEAKER_03: Show me where you have money going into a, you know, into a 529 plan or whatever that is.
26:59
SPEAKER_03: I think it's really important to sit down with yourself and say what is important to me instead of just going, I don't have time, I don't have time, I don't have time.
27:06
SPEAKER_03: And so instead of having your priorities, aligning your actions and achieving your goals, you're just in this hamster wheel of like triaging a mediocre life that isn't getting you where you want to be.
27:16
SPEAKER_03: And there's a better way, you know.
27:18
SPEAKER_03: And it's like if you just get intentional with that, you know, people say I don't have time.
27:23
SPEAKER_03: Let everything in in an hour or two hours drop so that you can sit down with yourself and think what is important to me.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: You don't have time not to.
27:30
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
27:31
SPEAKER_01: That's exactly what I think.
27:32
SPEAKER_03: That's exactly what I think.
27:33
SPEAKER_03: It's like, don't say I don't have time.
27:36
SPEAKER_03: Like, make time.
27:37
SPEAKER_03: We all have time.
27:38
SPEAKER_01: If you think about even just the time that we spend scrolling, you know, we don't stop at a stoplight or line up at the grocery store without picking up our phone and looking at it.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: And that's five minutes where we could be doing something that feels good.
27:52
SPEAKER_01: And and scrolling our phone doesn't feel good, or trying to respond half, you know, halfway to an email and then getting interrupted doesn't feel good.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: And so those are some opportune times to make to make time.
28:05
SPEAKER_01: Um and I think it's really important, like you said, to be thinking about what's important to you and are you doing the things that align with it.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: And if not, how can we make time for that?
28:17
SPEAKER_01: How can we make sure it gets on the calendar?
28:20
SPEAKER_01: I think that having a community can be really helpful for that, an accountability partner or a coach because otherwise we don't make time if we don't put it on the calendar.
28:30
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think everyone should have a coach or a mentor and be a coach or a mentor, right?
28:35
SPEAKER_03: I think that that's really savagely important to be able to grow with people.
28:39
SPEAKER_03: The conversations just hit differently when you're talking about stuff like that instead of um just some low vibe stuff that most people kind of run their life around, right?
28:48
SPEAKER_03: And no judgment because I came from that same same place, but I look at it now and it's like when I got real with what I wanted my life to look like, yeah, and then started aligning my actions with it.
28:57
SPEAKER_03: And it wasn't big things, like you said at the beginning, it's very small stuff, but it's little stuff where as you start getting traction, you're like, okay, okay, I see you, you know, and then you can kind of just keep, you know, working with yourself to level up.
29:10
SPEAKER_03: And the more that you see the results, the more time and energy you want to put into it.
29:14
SPEAKER_03: Because, you know, when you're not focused on that and you're just doing and just trying to like get through, get through, get through, that's not what life is supposed to be.
29:22
SPEAKER_03: Right, right.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: You're not this hamster wheel, right?
29:25
SPEAKER_01: And you're talking about living with purpose, and that can feel overwhelming if you've been in this reactive or chronically stressed position.
29:33
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think the idea of having a mission and values and living with purpose sounds great, but can be really heavy if you haven't been.
29:44
SPEAKER_01: But the thing that's sort of also in your message is that you can be empowered to just do a little bit.
29:50
SPEAKER_01: And that those little seeds you plant each day really do add up.
29:55
SPEAKER_01: So it's huge transformations that come from baby steps.
30:00
SPEAKER_03: Super baby steps.
30:01
SPEAKER_03: You know, I talk about energy in my book about um just being able to quantify it and visualize it, right?
30:06
SPEAKER_03: It's this whole like Skittles thing, just only to be able to get your head around it.
30:09
SPEAKER_03: And it seems so silly, but it's like think about where you're spending your Skittles.
30:13
SPEAKER_03: You know, if you're losing your cool in traffic, right?
30:15
SPEAKER_03: That's the emotional intelligence component where it doesn't matter how they your energy gets spent, emotional, mental, physical, it's all the same, right?
30:23
SPEAKER_03: And it you're choosing to spend it there.
30:24
SPEAKER_03: You may not realize it's a choice, but getting aware and intentional about that.
30:28
SPEAKER_03: Would you rather spend it there?
30:29
SPEAKER_03: Would you rather spend it on, you know, something that actually is moving your goals forward?
30:33
SPEAKER_03: You have to understand what your goals are in order to be able to do that.
30:36
SPEAKER_03: But just those little, those little tweaks.
30:38
SPEAKER_03: I've watched it as, you know, my husband has started.
30:41
SPEAKER_03: Uh I have this funny story, Melissa, you're gonna die.
30:44
SPEAKER_03: So I wrote the book for lots of reasons, but the biggest one is my husband's not gonna read a self-improvement book unless I write it and then ask him to like proofread it, you know, several times.
30:53
SPEAKER_03: So he was the one that had to like do the draft.
30:55
SPEAKER_03: I know.
30:56
SPEAKER_03: So I got him.
30:56
SPEAKER_03: I was like, oh, I have you.
30:57
SPEAKER_03: I we've been together uh, you know, 25 years, and I finally got him with the whole thing.
31:02
SPEAKER_03: But I watch now as he understands now the Skittles and the energy and takes away one thing that drains and add one thing that multiplies.
31:10
SPEAKER_03: And just as your whole life starts to level up with small little shifts.
31:14
SPEAKER_03: Yes, small shifts.
31:15
SPEAKER_03: You know, when you realize if you have something big going on in your life that's very dramatic and whatever, if you realize that you were the one that was feeding that fire with your Skittles by either every time someone asks you, you're bringing it up, you're talking about it, that's a choice that you have.
31:30
SPEAKER_03: People don't realize, like, oh, this terrible thing is happening to me.
31:32
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, but you're keeping it alive.
31:34
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're keeping it alive by every time someone asks you what you're, you know, how things are going, and you're talking about all of the negative things, you're keeping it alive.
31:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
31:41
SPEAKER_03: I I truly believe that our thoughts um create our reality.
31:46
SPEAKER_03: For sure.
31:47
SPEAKER_03: For for from different steps of, okay, our thought patterns and and what our mind does to the energy that that creates and the vibration and then calling it in.
31:54
SPEAKER_03: So it's like people think manifesting is some like magic, it's not magic.
31:58
SPEAKER_03: It's literally just having amazing things up in your head.
32:00
SPEAKER_03: And at the beginning, it's gonna feel unnatural.
32:02
SPEAKER_03: It's gonna feel like it's gonna feel like funky.
32:05
SPEAKER_03: It is funky, right?
32:06
SPEAKER_03: It's like I remember when I got to that point of self-compassion, right?
32:08
SPEAKER_03: Which I absolutely cosign that with what you said earlier.
32:12
SPEAKER_03: Um, but I got to that point and I'm looking in the mirror saying, All right, Queen, you know, you look amazing today, all the things.
32:17
SPEAKER_03: And sometimes that, you know, when you first start, that really feels silly because you've spent so much time with that brain being terrible to yourself.
32:25
SPEAKER_03: But when you start doing that and it starts getting traction and you start realizing, like, okay, I am feeling better, or okay, I am making better choices, or okay, I do, you know, I am worthy and I do deserve to have these things, it shifts your life in such a powerful way that it's like, how can you not make that investment in yourself when it really is not that big of a deal?
32:44
SPEAKER_03: It's just you gotta start somewhere and just start small.
32:46
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I think small is key for people, especially those who are feeling burned out or worn out, is to know that um even just a tiny shift and what you were saying is so important to validate for people that you can't control the stressors coming at you.
33:05
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes life is really unfair.
33:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, and there are all kinds of things coming at us.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: What we can control is how we react to them, what we do as a response, whether we're aware of it, you know, whether we choose to be present and to do something that's feels better rather than just react.
33:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think that cause is super important.
33:27
SPEAKER_03: I read that in here, and also um, I just think that's so important because it gives you an opportunity to respond instead of react.
33:34
SPEAKER_03: It gives you a second to let your emotional intelligence kick in, gives you a second to kind of feel in your body where you're feeling that.
33:40
SPEAKER_03: Um, and even maybe just don't respond to something right away.
33:44
SPEAKER_03: You know, it's like if you think about you're at work, you get an email that you're pissed off about, you know, it's like if you fire back a response, you're creating your own suffering because you're reacting.
33:53
SPEAKER_03: Take a minute, count to 10.
33:54
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes 10 is 10 seconds, sometimes it's 10 minutes, sometimes it's 10 days.
33:58
SPEAKER_03: But if you allow yourself to regulate before you do respond, you'll watch as your life improves just with that one shift.
34:05
SPEAKER_03: That's all you have to do.
34:06
SPEAKER_03: It's just recognize and get curious.
34:08
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
34:08
SPEAKER_03: Right?
34:08
SPEAKER_03: Recognize and get curious.
34:10
SPEAKER_03: And so when people say, okay, I don't know where to start, start there, right?
34:14
SPEAKER_03: Start, start anywhere where you, you know, when you're talking about curiosity, curiosity is huge.
34:18
SPEAKER_03: Like you, if you come from a place of curiosity, just changes everything, changes the entire game.
34:24
SPEAKER_01: It does.
34:24
SPEAKER_01: There's less pressure for it to be a certain way for you to get it right, because there isn't a right and a wrong.
34:30
SPEAKER_01: We're just trying to figure out what might shift, what might change.
34:34
SPEAKER_01: And if it doesn't work, that's okay.
34:36
SPEAKER_01: We'll try something else.
34:37
SPEAKER_01: And that's what I try and encourage people to understand about stress and anxiety is there's many different ways that you can address it.
34:44
SPEAKER_01: And what worked for your friend may not work for you, and that's okay.
34:49
SPEAKER_01: Uh, it's just figuring out what calls to you, and you don't have to do all the things, right?
34:53
SPEAKER_01: Like I've come up with, you know, I write, I still write for, you know, post articles on my website where I give instructions like here are five-minute practices, but I don't intend for anyone to do all of them.
35:04
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
35:05
SPEAKER_01: So see if you're doing it.
35:06
SPEAKER_01: Why do one or two that works and see if it works for you?
35:08
SPEAKER_01: If you try something a few times and it doesn't work, that's okay.
35:10
SPEAKER_01: Try something else, throw it out and do something different.
35:13
SPEAKER_03: I think that's the biggest part too, is realizing it's not going to be one size fits all for everybody.
35:17
SPEAKER_03: We're all our own recipe with our own unique ingredients.
35:20
SPEAKER_03: So there's gonna be things that work for you that don't work for your sister or your mom or whoever, but don't stop trying.
35:26
SPEAKER_03: You know, if you have something that um is a roadblock in your life or something that you think could be better, or oh, it shouldn't have to be like this, do research.
35:34
SPEAKER_03: We have this amazing thing called the World Wide Web that everyone carries around in your pocket.
35:38
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, maybe just spend a fraction of the amount of time that you would on social media looking into ways to set goals.
35:46
SPEAKER_03: What are ways that I could get curious about this?
35:49
SPEAKER_03: What are ways that I could improve?
35:50
SPEAKER_03: I have anxiety.
35:51
SPEAKER_03: What are things that I could try to just lessen that by one percent?
35:55
SPEAKER_03: You know, I tell my daughters that and my kids that all the time is looking at something, just try to improve it by 1%, right?
36:02
SPEAKER_03: It's a lot less pressure.
36:03
SPEAKER_03: It is, it's a lot less pressure.
36:04
SPEAKER_03: It's like I'm not trying to fix this whole thing, but for me, I'm always looking at I'm a I'm a little bit of a lunatic, probably more than a little bit, but I look at literally everything in my life and I'm like, how can I make this 1% better?
36:16
SPEAKER_03: How can I make this 1% smoother?
36:17
SPEAKER_03: How could I make this so that it flows easier so that the next time I come into this, it it just flows?
36:23
SPEAKER_03: And so now I'm at this place in my life where I've done enough of that over the years.
36:27
SPEAKER_03: My life is pretty amazing.
36:28
SPEAKER_03: And it doesn't mean it is, but it doesn't mean that I don't still have hard things.
36:32
SPEAKER_03: How things happen all the time.
36:33
SPEAKER_03: But when you when you really are coming from that place, it turns it into more of a game instead of just excuses of I don't have time, I don't have this, I don't have the same circumstances, which is why I love you saying I had three little kids, still having to just take five minutes, right?
36:48
SPEAKER_03: We all have different constraints.
36:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I obviously have more time because I don't have little kids at home anymore.
36:53
SPEAKER_03: Um, but that doesn't change the fact that I dealt with whatever circumstances were at my house during that time to still want to level up 1% better.
37:03
SPEAKER_03: What are my goals?
37:04
SPEAKER_03: What do I want to be reaching for?
37:06
SPEAKER_03: Um, one other thing that I want to circle back to that you said that I really think is so incredibly important is the play.
37:12
SPEAKER_03: Because I have really leaned into that in the last couple of years as well.
37:16
SPEAKER_03: I used to very much be a control freak, which I'm in recovery for because no, you know, that's that's a horrible way to live.
37:22
SPEAKER_03: Play sounds scary to someone who's trying to control everything.
37:25
SPEAKER_03: 100%.
37:25
SPEAKER_03: Right.
37:26
SPEAKER_03: But I'm telling you, I've leaned all the way into that, and now you can't take me back.
37:29
SPEAKER_03: I'm like what do you do for play?
37:30
SPEAKER_03: That like what's your so enjoyable?
37:32
SPEAKER_03: So um spring training was just here.
37:34
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
37:35
SPEAKER_03: I went to eight different games.
37:36
SPEAKER_03: I don't even care about baseball.
37:37
SPEAKER_03: It's not about the baseball.
37:38
SPEAKER_03: It's about I take my blanket, I go lay in the grass, I enjoy the sun, I enjoy the sounds of the game and the people and all of the things.
37:46
SPEAKER_03: Um, some girlfriends and I went out to the Renaissance festival this past weekend.
37:49
SPEAKER_03: That's not necessarily my vibe, but it doesn't matter, right?
37:52
SPEAKER_03: It was just, it was fun to get out in the sunshine and do things.
37:55
SPEAKER_03: Uh I lean in hard with the play.
37:57
SPEAKER_03: I had I had uh a dance instructor that came on the show, you know, six or eight months ago, come to the house and teach me and all my girlfriends how to twerk.
38:05
SPEAKER_03: You know, like so I I'm just that crazy one who's like, oh yeah, you guys want to come over?
38:09
SPEAKER_03: We do breath work at the house or just different things where it's like get silly and have have fun.
38:14
SPEAKER_03: Go for go for being outside, go for just doing things where it's like, does my heart want to do that?
38:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, then I'm gonna go do that.
38:21
SPEAKER_03: And you have to just be in touch with your body a little bit.
38:23
SPEAKER_01: To be productive, of course.
38:24
SPEAKER_01: It's yeah, it's the opposite.
38:26
SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's to just be here now, to see what we like, to see if it's how we can have fun, how we can smile more, be present.
38:34
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I come from this place of awe and wonder now, where it's I've really connected with that eight-year-old version, you know.
38:40
SPEAKER_03: Part of my part of my work was really tapping into that girl that um getting back to getting the gunk off of who Anne was.
38:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, because I think a lot of things that we go through in life are um are traumatic and then we just numb on top of them, you know, and we get to this place where for me I'm in my 40s going, God, why does everything feel so heavy?
39:01
SPEAKER_03: You know, but you're carrying around all this invisible weight.
39:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
39:04
SPEAKER_03: And it's absolutely worth the energy and the effort to work on getting that stuff off of you so that you can get back to that eight-year-old girl because that's the one that wants to play.
39:13
SPEAKER_03: That's the one that, you know, my my bestie, she just, God, she's a vibe.
39:19
SPEAKER_03: Shout out, Belinda.
39:20
SPEAKER_03: Um, she just, you know, she'll be dancing if she hears music, and it doesn't matter if it's music in her head or music on the on the you know, speakers or whatever.
39:28
SPEAKER_03: But she's just constantly leaning into that.
39:30
SPEAKER_03: And I come from this place when of awe and wonder about what are we gonna do?
39:34
SPEAKER_03: We were at the Renaissance Festival and I and I see these grasshoppers jumping.
39:37
SPEAKER_03: And I'm not an insect person, and I've always said, oh my God, Belinda's so amazing.
39:41
SPEAKER_03: And I sat there and I said, you know what, I'm gonna go catch a grasshopper because I will not live in fear.
39:45
SPEAKER_03: That's the surrender experiment, right?
39:46
SPEAKER_03: Of I will not live in fear.
39:48
SPEAKER_03: And I could see these little kids doing that, and I'm like, I'm gonna go show them how it's done.
39:51
SPEAKER_03: Because I've watched my husband and my son do it, and so I know the technique.
39:54
SPEAKER_03: I would never want to touch a grasshopper.
39:56
SPEAKER_03: I caught a grasshopper at the Renaissance Festival.
39:58
SPEAKER_03: And so that's kind of our little thing now about fear.
40:00
SPEAKER_03: It's like, hey, you want to go catch some grasshoppers?
40:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:02
SPEAKER_03: Because it's I'm not gonna live in fear for stuff.
40:04
SPEAKER_03: I'm just gonna do the things that that eight-year-old girl inside of me wants to do.
40:08
SPEAKER_01: And that's what I encourage people who are really removed from play but want to get back to it and they're like, don't even know where to start, is think back to that eight-year-old.
40:19
SPEAKER_01: What did they like?
40:20
SPEAKER_01: What kinds of games did you like?
40:21
SPEAKER_01: What did you do for fun?
40:23
SPEAKER_01: And that's a good starting point to help you just start experimenting and see if you still like those sorts of things.
40:30
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you did puzzles in your eight, maybe try one now.
40:34
SPEAKER_01: If you liked scrapbooking type creative outlets, try that now.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: Maybe a new version of it.
40:39
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's all digital now.
40:41
SPEAKER_01: But you know, find something that connects back to who you were as a kid and see, see it experiment.
40:48
SPEAKER_03: I think that's absolutely powerful to do that.
40:50
SPEAKER_03: I think that's the kind of stuff where it's like get rid of the gunk that is draining and the obligations and the people pleasing and the saying yes when your body is screaming no.
40:59
SPEAKER_03: You know, I think a lot of people don't realize that a yes to someone else is a no to you, and you're the only person that you're supposed to take care of, right?
41:07
SPEAKER_03: Yes, obviously we have kids and husbands and partners and friends and all of the things, but if you take care of yourself first, the rest of that all just flows and you're not giving out of resentment and out of obligation and out of, you know, just pure exhaustion.
41:20
SPEAKER_03: I watch all of these women around me and it's I don't have time and I'm exhausted and I'm overcommitting.
41:26
SPEAKER_03: And it's like, maybe say no to the PTO meeting.
41:28
SPEAKER_03: Maybe say when they ask, can you be the one that brings a thousand cookies for, you know, on Monday and it's like, oh my God, it's Friday afternoon.
41:35
SPEAKER_03: Maybe say, you know what?
41:36
SPEAKER_03: I don't have the I don't have the bandwidth for that.
41:38
SPEAKER_03: I don't have the capacity to do that.
41:39
SPEAKER_03: Bandwidth is huge.
41:40
SPEAKER_01: That's what I talk to.
41:42
SPEAKER_01: That's how I sort of help people understand resilience.
41:45
SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of people don't use the term resilience in everyday life, but we understand for the most part bandwidth.
41:51
SPEAKER_01: And really think about what's draining your bandwidth.
41:54
SPEAKER_01: And every little thing you're doing is wearing that down.
41:58
SPEAKER_01: And if you're not doing things that build it back up, you're going to burn out or your body is going to force you to lay down at some point.
42:06
SPEAKER_01: It will show up eventually.
42:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's finding those little ways that you can build your bandwidth back up.
42:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
42:13
SPEAKER_03: It's it's really huge.
42:14
SPEAKER_03: And just the first, the first step of that is just kind of that savage self-awareness, I think, of where am I spending it?
42:19
SPEAKER_03: Because so many people don't even have an idea.
42:22
SPEAKER_03: When you sit down and you start talking to people and they're like, I don't know where, you know, where all of it's going.
42:28
SPEAKER_03: And I'm just, I'm on this hamster wheel of just go, go, go, go, go.
42:30
SPEAKER_03: And it's like, just stop for a second.
42:32
SPEAKER_03: You're gonna drop some stuff.
42:33
SPEAKER_03: That's okay.
42:34
SPEAKER_03: That's okay that we drop some things.
42:36
SPEAKER_03: Everybody can show some grace as you're as you're figuring it out, but then see what is important to you and really put yourself first.
42:43
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
42:43
SPEAKER_03: Um, so that you can figure out where that play is or where the giggles are, where the fun with your kids are.
42:48
SPEAKER_03: Does it mean that, you know, maybe the floors didn't get vacuumed today or you didn't get a shower, like whatever something?
42:53
SPEAKER_03: But I don't know, right?
42:54
SPEAKER_03: I mean, whatever those trade-offs can be, but really lean into feeling that playfulness and feeling into what does your body want?
43:01
SPEAKER_03: And if your body is saying, no, and your mouth is saying, sure, I'll bring the thousand cookies, and then they need to be homemade and gluten-free and no sugar, you got it.
43:10
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna figure that out.
43:11
SPEAKER_03: It's like, just say no.
43:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, that's okay.
43:13
SPEAKER_03: Will someone else be disappointed?
43:15
SPEAKER_03: Sure, but you won't be disappointed.
43:17
SPEAKER_03: And you're that's the that's the one that you're supposed to take care of.
43:20
SPEAKER_01: Well, and I think it's helpful for people to understand that that's all wearing on the bandwidth.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: Uh there are so many people who come to me and say, I just don't understand why I can't follow through on whatever it is.
43:30
SPEAKER_01: Like, why can't I get some exercise in?
43:32
SPEAKER_01: Or why aren't I eating well, or why do I feel so stressed?
43:36
SPEAKER_01: And then we take a look at, well, what how are you spending your time?
43:39
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, oh, well, you just had a significant other pass away after a long term illness, and uh you've gone through a job transition and you're working 80 hours a week.
43:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, no wonder.
43:52
SPEAKER_01: Of course you feel worn out.
43:54
SPEAKER_01: So, what can we start to do, small step, baby steps to feel better?
43:59
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
43:59
SPEAKER_03: What do you?
44:00
SPEAKER_03: So like when you were talking about after your your son came out out of NICU and you kind of like your body started to set a little bit, what were some of the small things that you did that were maybe just five-minute investments or things that maybe you can tell our listeners of um, you know, this is what worked for me, or some of the things that you're talking about.
44:18
SPEAKER_01: Well, there's a couple of really foundational ones for me.
44:21
SPEAKER_01: Uh one was breath work, which I mentioned before.
44:24
SPEAKER_01: That's powerful.
44:25
SPEAKER_01: Um it does not have to mean meditation.
44:27
SPEAKER_01: So a lot of people will be like, I can't meditate, I can't possibly sit still.
44:30
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, but you're breathing right now.
44:33
SPEAKER_01: And going back to what I said before, our body is sending the signal to the brain.
44:38
SPEAKER_01: And a lot of us who are chronically stressed or anxious are breathing just right up into our chest.
44:42
SPEAKER_01: Short, shallow, rapid breathing.
44:45
SPEAKER_01: And that's reinforcing the signal to the brain that we are stressed and we are in danger.
44:50
SPEAKER_01: Simple belly breathing, just like placing my hand on my lower abdomen and getting the air to flow down into my belly rather than up in my into my chest was huge for me in terms of realizing like, oh, I can change this anxiety response pretty quickly.
45:05
SPEAKER_01: Um, so breath work.
45:06
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't like belly breathing, there are hundreds of other breath work type exercises, um, breathing practices.
45:13
SPEAKER_01: Another thing that I was a little skeptical about was gratitude practice because it sounds a little Pollyanna.
45:19
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm just gonna sit here and list three good things that happened to me today, and that's gonna change.
45:25
SPEAKER_01: But the idea is that you're not ignoring the things that aren't working, you're not negating that, you're simply training your brain to also recognize the good.
45:35
SPEAKER_01: You know, when you understand it from a psychological perspective, we have a negativity bias.
45:40
SPEAKER_01: Our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative and the threats because that's what keeps us alive.
45:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, but we can change that, we can shift that by practicing focusing on some good things.
45:52
SPEAKER_01: So we're not making it up.
45:54
SPEAKER_01: Yep, and it doesn't have to be huge, it can be something so small, like a hummingbird flew by me as I was taking the dogs outside and it looked so pretty.
46:03
SPEAKER_01: You know, it was something that brought me to the moment.
46:05
SPEAKER_01: But that can actually um rewire the brain.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: Uh, there's good research on it, and about 40% of our happiness level is based on our intentional activities, which means we have a lot of control.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: We can choose to focus on some things that make us happier.
46:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, so gratitude practice ended up being a big one for me, and another one was spending time outside.
46:28
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
46:28
SPEAKER_01: Uh, there's a lot of benefit to not only natural sunshine, which helps to regulate our circadian rhythm to sleep better, um, but also just that bigger perspective.
46:40
SPEAKER_01: We get so myopic.
46:42
SPEAKER_01: We're staring at a tiny screen on our phone all the time.
46:45
SPEAKER_01: When we open our eyes up, we look at the horizon, we feel smaller in the sense of like nature, the world, the galaxy, whatever it is, it helps us have perspective on the problems and what's going on or the challenge of the day.
47:01
SPEAKER_01: So those were a couple of the ones that were really uh foundational for me.
47:07
SPEAKER_03: I co-signed so hard on everything that you just said.
47:09
SPEAKER_03: You know, and when you were saying about the perspective and the myopic, I'm thinking, you know, when you go out on a boat on the ocean and you're sick and you're inside and you're looking at whatever, if you go up and sit up top and look out at the horizon, the just that one shift changes everything.
47:25
SPEAKER_03: And then you don't feel sick.
47:27
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
47:27
SPEAKER_03: Right.
47:27
SPEAKER_03: Just from it's interesting.
47:28
SPEAKER_01: I've never made that connection with but I get really seasick, but they do tell you that.
47:32
SPEAKER_01: Like look at the horizon, it sort of anchors you do and makes you feel better.
47:37
SPEAKER_01: But um, sort of from the psychology of it is we when we look out at a big horizon, we're not in a point of threat, right?
47:46
SPEAKER_01: We're sort of surveying what's out there.
47:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's a more calm experience than if we're sort of lost in the forest and looking at what's right in front of us.
47:56
SPEAKER_03: Well, and I think it's so easy to look at what's right in front of you now, right?
47:59
SPEAKER_03: Everybody's on social media or other media or otherwise, where you're looking and it's like, is it terrible what's happening?
48:04
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
48:05
SPEAKER_03: It's not a new thing.
48:06
SPEAKER_03: What we're in right now is just all patterns, just different, right?
48:09
SPEAKER_03: And with their little different tw tweak.
48:11
SPEAKER_03: Um, maybe stop looking at that, right?
48:13
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
48:14
SPEAKER_03: Focus on what you can focus on that is will make the world a better place, which is what's inside of your four, your four walls, right?
48:21
SPEAKER_03: Instead of worrying about that there are dogs that are being abused in the world.
48:24
SPEAKER_03: Now, I'm not suggesting that that's not horrible, but if that's all you look at, then you don't realize all of the good stuff.
48:30
SPEAKER_03: So when you say getting outside and really understanding, um, changing your perspective, huge.
48:36
SPEAKER_03: Right?
48:36
SPEAKER_03: That POV is everything.
48:38
SPEAKER_03: Uh, the gratitude journal, same.
48:40
SPEAKER_03: I couldn't agree with you more.
48:41
SPEAKER_03: I felt silly when I started to do it.
48:43
SPEAKER_03: But it just makes you look for those things instead of focusing on all the things that you don't have.
48:49
SPEAKER_03: I could sit right now and make a list from now until the time that they put me in the ground of all the things I don't have, right?
48:55
SPEAKER_03: But what good does that do?
48:56
SPEAKER_03: Because if you just get to where you're looking at, okay, what am I looking at that I do have?
49:01
SPEAKER_03: What am I grateful for?
49:03
SPEAKER_03: And it doesn't have to look like anything specific.
49:05
SPEAKER_03: Throw out all the rules.
49:06
SPEAKER_03: It can be a note in your phone's app that says, good things are always happening to me, and when something happens, do that.
49:11
SPEAKER_03: Or you can have, I have a gratitude journal at my house.
49:14
SPEAKER_03: And then I also have like a gratitude jar where people come and write it on their own.
49:18
SPEAKER_03: So many different ways to do it.
49:19
SPEAKER_03: There are, but it's just being very intentional about being grateful.
49:23
SPEAKER_03: You know, my my 80-year-old father um read my book.
49:26
SPEAKER_03: God, he's so cute.
49:28
SPEAKER_03: Um, he read my book and he says, Honey, I started doing this whole gratitude thing, and it's changing my life.
49:33
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Yeah, dad, that's it's a it's a savage thing, right?
49:36
SPEAKER_03: So old dogs, new tricks, we can all learn them.
49:39
SPEAKER_03: There's no there's no excuse of, oh, I made it to 50 years and and uh and and don't have whatever.
49:44
SPEAKER_03: No excuses.
49:45
SPEAKER_03: We have that worldwide web that I mentioned.
49:47
SPEAKER_03: Figure out ways and tips and tricks that you can incorporate gratitude more into your day.
49:52
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and I think it's important for people, particularly my really analytical people, because I that's how I am too.
49:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm skeptical and I don't want it to feel like too woo-woo.
50:02
SPEAKER_01: But when you understand the data behind it, so as soon as I understood that my brain was interpreting the signals from my breathing patterns and making sense out of the world based on that, oh, it like opened a whole new world for me.
50:16
SPEAKER_01: Or as soon as I understood that the gratitude practice is based in research on how we can shape our thought patterns and how that then turns into behavior change and emotions, you know, that can be really important.
50:30
SPEAKER_01: And so I always try and lead with that with people for people who are not in that space yet.
50:35
SPEAKER_01: So they understand that what we're doing really is meaningful and really can create change.
50:42
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's empowering when people understand that you can do this.
50:46
SPEAKER_03: Also, I think it's really important to understand that when you say that you started doing these things and you were skeptical about the woo and all of the stuff, it helps other people be related to that.
50:57
SPEAKER_03: And also, you will never see someone who has gotten to where you are and wants back in.
51:02
SPEAKER_03: Right.
51:02
SPEAKER_03: So that should say everything to anyone who's listening, right?
51:05
SPEAKER_03: Once you start doing those things and you understand when you do the breath work, right?
51:09
SPEAKER_03: I think the belly breathing for me is um three minutes in the morning, three minutes in the evening of just not having anything else going on.
51:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, just sit and breathe.
51:18
SPEAKER_03: That changes everything.
51:19
SPEAKER_03: Or when you're feeling anxious and being able to really just let me just take a minute and belly breathe.
51:24
SPEAKER_03: Turn everything off, go in a closet if you need to, or in your car, or whatever it is, and just take that minute to breathe through that, feel the things, that it's a game changer.
51:32
SPEAKER_03: It really is.
51:32
SPEAKER_03: It's a game changer.
51:34
SPEAKER_01: It is, and these are tools that are simple.
51:36
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean they're easy to use all the time.
51:38
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
51:39
SPEAKER_01: But they are simple.
51:40
SPEAKER_01: A lot of what we go back to or I work on with my clients are things probably grandma would have known, like get outside.
51:46
SPEAKER_01: You're not getting enough fresh air, you're like, you're not moving enough, or those sorts of things.
51:50
SPEAKER_01: But they feel a little overwhelming if we don't break them down into smaller baby steps.
51:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
51:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
51:55
SPEAKER_03: Put your put your phone, leave your phone in the car, drive to the park, get your feet in grass, right?
52:01
SPEAKER_03: Like I know that that sounds so hippie-dippy.
52:03
SPEAKER_03: Until you do it, until you do it.
52:04
SPEAKER_03: Like, oh yeah, I didn't think about work for two minutes.
52:08
SPEAKER_03: I want more of that.
52:09
SPEAKER_03: I have this special place that I that I came up with um a couple of years ago.
52:14
SPEAKER_03: And it's just, it's it's by a lake.
52:16
SPEAKER_03: It's got a couple of really lovely trees.
52:18
SPEAKER_03: I call them the legends because there's three of these big trees, and it just I love it.
52:22
SPEAKER_03: And I'll take a blanket and just go lay there.
52:24
SPEAKER_03: I leave my phone in the car, take my journal sometimes.
52:26
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes I just look up at the the leaves that are, you know, flying in the breeze.
52:30
SPEAKER_03: Do I look like a crazy person?
52:31
SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
52:32
SPEAKER_03: Right?
52:32
SPEAKER_01: It's like I always feel had experiences like that too.
52:35
SPEAKER_01: Uh, when I first learned about awe, uh, there was a suggestion to do an awe walk.
52:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you've heard of that.
52:40
SPEAKER_01: Please tell us.
52:41
SPEAKER_01: Like where you go outside in nature and you spend, you purposely try to find anything that invokes a sense of awe for you.
52:48
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
52:49
SPEAKER_01: I was literally like in my neighbor's yard smelling the citrus blossoms.
52:52
SPEAKER_01: They probably thought I was a loony bit.
52:54
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
52:54
SPEAKER_01: But I I enjoyed it and it sort of opened my eyes doing that.
52:59
SPEAKER_01: Like now when the citrus is blooming and it smells so good in Scottsdale.
53:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, I stop and say, Oh my God, you guys, did you smell that?
53:07
SPEAKER_01: You know, we were just getting out of the car at a baseball tournament and they had a bunch of, you know, it's like in the orange groves.
53:13
SPEAKER_01: And uh I said to my son, like, do you smell those blossoms?
53:17
SPEAKER_01: He probably thinks I'm crazy.
53:19
SPEAKER_01: He like rolls his eyes, but I'm hoping I planted that seed for him that like one day he'll be getting out of the car and like hustling to get to practice or to get his kids somewhere, and he will pause for two seconds and recognize, huh?
53:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
53:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm very much that person.
53:33
SPEAKER_03: I'm very much that person that, you know, I go into a restaurant and they have flowers at the front.
53:37
SPEAKER_03: I'm stopping, I'm sticking my nose in.
53:38
SPEAKER_03: Do I care what other people think?
53:40
SPEAKER_03: Not even a little, right?
53:41
SPEAKER_03: It's I'm driving down the road.
53:43
SPEAKER_03: There's these purple flowers that maybe you've seen that smell like grapes.
53:46
SPEAKER_03: They have like those clusters.
53:48
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
53:48
SPEAKER_03: I I'll stop if I find one.
53:50
SPEAKER_03: And I was showing my bestie a couple years ago, and we got out and just I'm in somebody else's yard.
53:54
SPEAKER_03: I just don't care, right?
53:55
SPEAKER_03: Like with my nose in their trees.
53:57
SPEAKER_03: Um, but that's that's where it's that's where life is.
54:00
SPEAKER_03: I've never heard it called an awe walk, but I agree with you a thousand percent.
54:03
SPEAKER_03: You know, my my husband and my son are very much into the nature and fishing and hunting and all of that different kind of stuff.
54:09
SPEAKER_03: And I think when you do that, it just grounds you, it regulates your nervous system.
54:14
SPEAKER_03: For sure.
54:14
SPEAKER_03: It's it's so important.
54:15
SPEAKER_03: Treat your nervous system like it's a business.
54:18
SPEAKER_03: You know, we have these these facts now, we have data that shows how much how important that is.
54:22
SPEAKER_03: And so it can't just be, I don't have time, I'm in this, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
54:26
SPEAKER_03: It's like, okay, well, you're choosing to do that, right?
54:29
SPEAKER_03: Because people need to understand that is a choice.
54:32
SPEAKER_03: Could things drop?
54:33
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
54:33
SPEAKER_03: Things will drop.
54:34
SPEAKER_03: You have to do that as you're kind of reorganizing and prioritizing and figuring out what that looks like for you.
54:40
SPEAKER_03: But God, is that time worth it?
54:42
SPEAKER_03: Take a couple of hours.
54:44
SPEAKER_03: That's it.
54:44
SPEAKER_03: You know, take a couple of hours to just kind of think, okay, what do I want?
54:47
SPEAKER_03: What am I doing to get to that place?
54:49
SPEAKER_03: Learn tips and tricks from people.
54:51
SPEAKER_01: And it's okay if the ball drops in certain areas.
54:53
SPEAKER_01: It's there's a term for it called satisficing.
54:56
SPEAKER_01: And it's where we're learning to do things like do just the bare minimum and what you need to in certain areas, so that you can then save some of that bandwidth for other things.
55:07
SPEAKER_01: And that's okay.
55:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
55:09
SPEAKER_03: That's super important to understand, right?
55:11
SPEAKER_03: If you don't get rid of some things, you don't have room to call in the good stuff.
55:14
SPEAKER_03: Sure, yeah.
55:14
SPEAKER_03: The gal that we do um some of some breath work with.
55:17
SPEAKER_03: And this is like more intense trauma stuff, not like breathe, belly, breathe.
55:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this is like the whole thing.
55:24
SPEAKER_03: But what she, you know, what she says as we're doing it is, okay, what are we releasing and what are we calling in?
55:29
SPEAKER_03: And when you really think of that, not just in the breath work or the trauma, but also just in your day, if you don't have room for it, then it will feel like I don't have time, you know, and you're keep continuing to do the hamster wheel.
55:39
SPEAKER_03: But if you said, okay, I'm going to work on not losing my cool in traffic, because traffic happens.
55:45
SPEAKER_03: That's a whole thing.
55:46
SPEAKER_03: Like, is someone gonna be driving 10 miles under the speed limit?
55:48
SPEAKER_03: Undoubtedly.
55:49
SPEAKER_03: Like, that's the world we live in now.
55:50
SPEAKER_03: People are texting and driving, and you know, they just stop in the middle of the road.
55:54
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I see things every day where I'm like, that's outrageous.
55:56
SPEAKER_03: And also I just chuckle and smile about it because I'm not gonna get pissed off about it.
56:00
SPEAKER_03: The old Anne would get pissed off about it, but now I'm like, I'm not throwing Skittles out the window for that reason.
56:05
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna throw the ball with my kid when I get home because that gives me Skittles back instead of bitching at the water cooler about can you believe this guy in this car on the way high and he cut me off and like stop it.
56:16
SPEAKER_03: Stop it.
56:17
SPEAKER_03: You're doing that to yourself.
56:18
SPEAKER_03: And once you realize it's a choice, yeah, it takes your power back.
56:22
SPEAKER_03: You know, there's no there's no power.
56:24
SPEAKER_01: That we have in every moment.
56:27
SPEAKER_03: We give it away, right?
56:28
SPEAKER_03: There's no power in victimhood.
56:29
SPEAKER_03: So once you realize that, once you realize that the excuses that you're making, um, those are all choices, and also understanding that doing nothing, still a choice.
56:38
SPEAKER_03: Right, right.
56:39
SPEAKER_01: Still a choice we are doing something.
56:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, even when you're reacting, you're doing something.
56:43
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't feel like you have control, but you realize as you start to work on it that you really do.
56:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, absolutely.
56:49
SPEAKER_03: Um, Melissa, thank you so much for taking time today.
56:52
SPEAKER_03: It's fun to be here.
56:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, will you please tell us um tell our listeners where they can find you and learn more about your work and what you're doing?
56:58
SPEAKER_01: So the company that I started, that the blog is working on calm.
57:02
SPEAKER_01: And I knew it would be work and I wanted to be calm, so it's working on calm.
57:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, I have a website, www.workingoncalm.com.
57:10
SPEAKER_01: There is a newsletter sign up there called Take Five, and I share all of these practices.
57:17
SPEAKER_01: Um, or you can just check out the article so people know that there is a resource that it's it's there.
57:23
SPEAKER_01: The science is there, the instructions are there if you're just willing and curious to try it.
57:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, I also do coaching, uh, so one-on-one, and I go into organizations as well.
57:33
SPEAKER_01: So if you're sitting here listening and thinking, gosh, I wish you could come talk to my work, I'm happy to do that too.
57:39
SPEAKER_03: Excellent, excellent.
57:40
SPEAKER_03: That's that's absolutely powerful.
57:42
SPEAKER_03: The I love the five-minute type situation because a lot of people are like, I don't have a whole amount of time to overhaul my life, but you have five minutes.
57:49
SPEAKER_03: Everybody's got five minutes.
57:50
SPEAKER_03: Look at how much time you spend on social media.
57:52
SPEAKER_03: Only spend 10 minutes, you know, 10% of that on taking care of yourself or figuring out new things.
57:57
SPEAKER_03: So well, thank you.
57:58
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
57:58
SPEAKER_03: Uh that's our time for today.
58:00
SPEAKER_03: If something hit, stirred, or lit a fire under you and you've got thoughts, questions, or a story you're ready to share, slide into our DMs or email us at ladies at let's get naked podcast.com.
58:11
SPEAKER_03: If you believe in these conversations, help us keep them rolling.
58:13
SPEAKER_03: Follow, share, rate review, and do all the things.
58:16
SPEAKER_03: Catch you next time.
58:17
SPEAKER_03: That's a wrap.