Latest / The Bridges and Beacons Podcast / You Matter, Aiming for Imperfection with Hina Fatima

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You Matter, Aiming for Imperfection with Hina Fatima · The Bridges and Beacons Podcast

• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Mystic Nerd Squad podcast.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kelly Meyerson, the original Mystic Nerd.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Here today to invite this fantastic guest of mine to share her wisdom, her stories, and of course, all the ways in which you can become part of her world because I just know that so many of you are going to be so inspired.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm speaking with Hina Fatima.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And she is an NLP master trauma relief coach.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And when she sent me the title for today's episode, I was so giddy with joy.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: You matter aiming for imperfection.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: As a recovering perfectionist, because I feel like it is a recovery versus like you're over it.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's still moments that perfectionism rears its ugly head in all the ways that it does.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: But the idea of aiming for imperfection uh makes me want to lean in.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, first of all, Hina, welcome.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to have you on the podcast.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you so very much, Kelly, for having me.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_04: It's an honor to be here and speaking to your audience.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_04: I'm talking about imperfection.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_04: I just need one second.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_04: I need to give this iPad my daughter's uh teacher is calling.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_04: They have a class.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, no problem.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So while Hina is passing on the iPad to her daughter, see, this is what gets me really excited about my guests because we are real women, real moms facing real life challenges.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: So as you're listening, you probably relate to that, that we are juggling so many balls at once and we're juggling them beautifully.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I'm so excited that that little piece of imperfection exists there.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because it's it's realistic.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was saying it as you were bringing the iPad to your daughter that like we are real women moms with lots of balls that we're juggling that are always in the air.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And we get to do this gracefully and with imperfection.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So tell me a little bit about yourself and your history.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: It looked like you had something to say about that.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: So go with that first.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_04: I was just adding, you know, a lot of my clients or people, you know, when I'm doing lives and my daughter they barge in, or I have to tend to their question.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_04: And I actually people kind of give me a very positive feedback with that.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_04: They always tell me, Hina, we love the fact that whatever you're doing, your children are always around you, you know, even if you if you're you're doing a training or it's a class, but you know what they're doing, and you know, they're you're there for them.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, yeah, because kids are part of my life, you know, like anything and everything that I do is with them, is for them, right?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_04: And um, so well, there it was.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_04: So, anyways, so yes, my name is Hina Fatma, and how did I become an NLP master trauma coach?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_04: So basically, I am a doctor from Pakistan, uh, and I came to US uh roughly 14 years ago.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_04: I got married and I uh migrated.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, but unfortunately, because of uh commitment, family commitment, uh, you know, I was taking care of my mother-in-law, and then I got pregnant.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_04: I had two babies, two daughters.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_04: So I was not able to uh complete my, you know, the licensing exam that you have, the USMLE exams, and get into the residency program.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_04: So uh basically I was essentially a stay-at-home mom for the first 10 years while I was here in the US.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_04: And but even in those 10 years, I was a very active person because naturally I was a fresh graduate, I was a doctor, I was active, energetic, you know, and I needed to feel and stay alive and just not like physically and energetically, you know, you want to feel um alive uh intellectually, you know, emotionally.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_04: You want to feel that you're doing something, you're contributing.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_04: So I've been very active all my life.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_04: I was part of Kwanas, I was part of mom's club while the girls were growing up and you know, kind of participating in volunteer work and stuff like that.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_04: And then eventually, once the girls grew up, uh a job automatically, you know, a clinical uh research job came knocking at my door.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_04: And that's you know where my faith comes in because I believe everything's happening in its time, you know.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_04: And when my little one, she was ready for kindergarten the year, that year um, you know, I met this doctor, and he told me that he was looking for people for his for his research, and he hired me.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_04: And I worked with him for almost three years, and after those three years, um COVID hit, and when COVID hit, I was working partly from home, partly, you know, I was going in.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um, naturally, the girls were home, and that's when I came across NLP.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_04: NLP, I did, I had no idea about coaching at that time.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_04: So when I did NLP, that was roughly 2020.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I realized that I can use this to help other people.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I did NLP for myself.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_04: It was more of a personal development tool because there were issues that I was dealing with, and you know, there's depression, some trauma, past traumas that were happening, that were resurfacing.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, and um, and so I I realized I needed, you know, to kind of train myself in some ways, and that's when I did NLP, and it helped me so much, and I realized, you know, and that's where I started researching coaching.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_04: And I realized that there are so many people out there doing things, and I felt with my background and with my knowledge and with my skill set and with my expertise, uh, I thought I could do it too, and maybe I could do it better than other people, or if not better, at least as good as them, you know.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_04: And that's how this journey of mine started.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_04: Initially, I it was more of a mental health thing, but then knowing being a doctor myself, I know mental health is very vast, it's huge, you know, and then there are really clinical, you know, diseases and mental illnesses which need a treatment.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_04: Clinical depression, you know, or such as schizophrenia, bipolar, you know.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_04: So these are so there are, for example, say depression and anxiety, everybody has it.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_04: But then there is a time when you start when you need medication for it, you know, so to be able to identify that it's just a general sadness that we're feeling, it's just a general grief that we're having, it's just maybe a general anxiety that we're having because we have an exam coming up, or because we're pregnant and we're expecting, or there's something new happening in our life and we're we're fearful and we're afraid.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_04: Is it just that anxiety, or is it something really that needs treatment?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_04: And so I I wanted to kind of because since I am not working as a clinical uh physician here, you know, so I I so that's where I had to kind of um narrow down who I would want to help with.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_04: And uh and then trauma.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_04: Trauma came because I basically am a self-diagnosed BTST patient.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_04: I diagnose myself as PTST because a lot of things have happened in my life, and when I did NLP and when I started working with other people, I realized that my own symptoms, my own depression, my my own uh you know, postpartum depression was actually originating from my traumas.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_04: And the thing is, you see, when time passes, you tend to push them under the carpet.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you think, oh, you've healed.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_04: Something happened when you were 14 and it happened long time ago.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_04: Now 20 years have passed, 30 years have passed, and you're over it.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_04: You've moved on.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_04: You know, they say time is the best healer.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_04: But when you get triggered, it comes back and you don't realize it.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_04: It's subconscious.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's it's that subconscious uh feeding and the conditioning that we have that starts driving us.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_04: Because things what we've seen in our life, things when we're kids, we we've seen our parents, we've seen our teachers, we've seen other people in our life, and it's sitting there and we don't know.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it comes back, it comes back.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_04: And and so, of course, when I started dealing with my own PTST, and when I work with other people with PTST, and when I we connect, it's it's so much more than just I'm helping people, it's like we're connecting, we're relating, we're both helping each other.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_04: And so that's how I became a trauma coach, basically.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I I love that so much because the idea of the healing being multi-directional and that it's not it's sort of the old model or old currently existing model of I'm going to heal you, you know, versus there's the potential for healing for everyone involved.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, more of a holistic approach.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to take you back a couple minutes.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And for anybody who's watching or listening, can you explain a little bit about NLP?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: If they're like, if they've never heard of NLP before, what is it?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_04: So NLP is neuro-lingucrogramming.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_04: So neuro is your mind, your brain, linguistic is the language, and programming is how we're using our language to influence the way we think, the way we process information, the way we store information.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_04: All that comes in programming.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_04: So our memories, you know, um, is part of how we've processed information.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_04: Something happened in the past.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_04: What do what part of it do we remember?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_04: How did we perceive it?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_04: Sometimes it's the same event, but you may have two sisters but who recall different things.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_04: They recall different aspects of it.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_04: They may recall, yeah, they may recall the same conversation, but they may give us different meaning to it.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_04: Why is that happening?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_04: Because when we uh when we process information and when we store it, uh that it's our emotion is involved in it, right?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_04: How we're feeling at that moment.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_04: If we're feeling scared, if we're happy, if we're sad.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_04: How many times it happens if if we're not in a good mood, no, no matter what joke somebody tells you, you don't you don't feel like laughing.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_04: It just isn't funny because you're not in that zone, you know, and and so that is so very important, our emotion.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_04: And emotion comes from our narrative.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so in NLP, what's happening is that we're changing the narrative that we're telling ourselves, it's changing our stories, we're changing the words we use to describe generally anything, you know, whether it's something that we're trying to recall from the past or whether it's it's a present moment or it's a future.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_04: We're trying to change that because when we change those words, we're changing its impact because then our our mind is looking at those positive words, right?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_04: And it's it's looking at it with a different perspective.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_04: And when we do that, you know, the our emotion changes, the way we react changes.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_04: And so that is what NLP is, you know.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_04: So it's basically, and then another thing what happened with what happens with NLP is that NLP has kind of created different processes, there are techniques, you know.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_04: So, like we do know that there is um the cognitive behavioral therapy that people use, or they have the EFT people use, they have the you know, eye motion, EMDR, I believe.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_04: These are different techniques that different therapists and psychologists use, right?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_04: And so NLP is also a technique, it's kind of a technique, they have processes, they have multiple processes, belief change process, you know, they're changing history, um, change history process, creating, generating new behaviors.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_04: And so what happens with this is it's an experience.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_04: If I tell you to do something, I mean it's literally just like me telling you to do something, it's like a lecture, you know how when kick children say, Oh, my they're just preaching, teachers are just preaching or are preaching.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, you're listening one ear, it's out the other ear.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_04: Or when you experience it, when you feel the whole emotion, you know, that's when you're able to feel it.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_04: And so, for example, um, another thing with NLP is because it's an experience, how do we make you experience it?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_04: We make you visualize it.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_04: So there are five senses it's the vision, it's hearing, it's uh smelling, uh tasting, and naturally feeling.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_04: The feeling can be external, it can be internal, how we feel internally, right?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_04: We're heart racing or stomach churning or a headache or dizzy, dizziness, lightheadedness, you know, feeling sad, feeling happy.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_04: So anything that we think of, even if I tell you right now to think of a memory, of a good memory, say a birthday party or any party that you attended, what are you doing?
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_04: If you're recalling a memory, you're creating it.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_04: You don't realize it, but you're creating it in front of you.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: You're going back in that and you're remembering, oh, we went to this place, there were these people there, there were these decorations, we had this food.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_04: And what's happening when you're thinking of the food, automatically the taste is coming in your mouth.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_04: Remember it, you can smell it, you can smell the flowers, you can you remember who was wearing what.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_04: So you create it visually.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_04: In the same way, when we talk about future, if somebody's saying, I'm I'm what if I fail?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_04: What they're fearful, or they have, you know, when they when they're anxious, what is it?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_04: What are they doing in their mind?
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_04: They're creating this image, right?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_04: That they're failing in some way, that people are making fun of them in some way, or that they're not perfect in some way, right?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_04: And so we change that.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_04: If you can imagine failing, you can even imagine succeeding.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_04: So, what would succeeding look like?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, what would being content look like?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_04: What would achieving something look like?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_04: What would uh achieving becoming a doctor or engineer or whatever you want to achieve look like?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_04: So even if you say fail that one exam, but you're like you're attempting it, you're learning, you know.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_04: So we have them go through that process, we have them visualize it, we have them feel it.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_04: Because till they do not feel it, till they do not experience it, it's just words.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_04: I'm all about.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: I love how you said if you can imagine failing, you can imagine succeeding.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's the same, it's the same muscle.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're just shifting perspective.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_04: It's a story you're creating, you know.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_04: If failing is a story that you're creating, you're assuming then succeeding is a story, too.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_04: Why not think of that?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I love the simplicity of that.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm such a huge nerd for the brain science and and changing your brain, whether you know, you're addressing your your emotions, your limbic system, that fight or flight system.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, now we talk about it more in terms of polyvagal theory and trauma, like these are the things that I'm so excited about.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, not that people have difficulty with traumas and things, but the fact that we're getting so much new, new information about how the human body and brain works.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we're being able to explain it to people in a way that makes sense to them so that it makes remarkable changes for the way that they live their lives and the way that they see their lives.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I get so excited about that.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, uh, I have a background in occupational therapy and yeah, background in what?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: In occupational therapy.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, um, and specifically sensory integration and processing.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when you start talking about the senses and how things feel, and like anything where you jump into like how you change how the brain functions just makes me like I start dancing in my chair because I'm like, oh, this is so exciting.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_04: So, like, there is this story, you know, um, probably people know about it, you know, that there were twins, there were two brothers, and one of them was a successful businessman, and the other one was not.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_04: He was an alcoholic and uh he was not doing well in life generally.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_04: And so one of somebody asked the successful brother, you know, how what's the secret behind your success?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_04: And his response was, my father was an alcoholic.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_04: And then they went and then they asked the other brother the reason behind him not being successful in life, and his response was, my father was an alcoholic.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_04: You see, it's the same household, uh, same father, and how both the brothers perceived it.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_04: You know, one of them took it as a challenge.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_04: He was like, I'm not going to make the mistakes my father made, I'm gonna make my life better.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_04: And he took it upon himself to change his story.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_04: He did not want to repeat it, you know, while the other brother probably he was beaten up, maybe the father abused him, you know, verbally, or was I don't know, whatever, whatever happens, you know, in in dysfunctional families happened to him, and he was more often in a victim, victim mindset.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_04: And he was like, I've never been given the opportunities, and I'm I don't deserve it, and you know, I'm I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy of love, you know.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_04: And with all that self-talk that he had conditioned himself to, what happened eventually that he didn't succeed because that was the story he had created.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and so when we work, when I work with people, I tell them, yes, when you're a child, I it's it's understandable that um you know you it things are not in your control, you know, you're you're under your parents' influence and and you're learning, and uh things happen to you, and uh sometimes bad things happen to you, but then at some point we do grow up, and at some point we need to start taking charge of our life.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_04: And so when will that point come?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_04: So if people are suffering, at some point, whenever you feel ready, you know, you're it's it's it's you you need to say, like, yeah, I want to change my type life now, okay, and I want to take charge of my life, and I want to change the story, yeah.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_04: And the story can be changed, and I have the resources, or I can create the resources, you know, and so there's another process that I do with people, which is called modeling, and it's it's it's a very useful process, but you're modeling other people, and in the real sense, like we have we in we have inspirations, we have role models in our life.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_04: They can be real people, like our maybe a parent, maybe a grandparent, maybe a teacher, a mentor, somebody, or it could be maybe a celebrity, somebody, you know, an author, somebody else, you know, somebody you don't know personally, somebody larger than life.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_04: Look at their life stories, read about them, how you can get there.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_04: You know, nobody nobody reached there in one day.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_04: Nobody had all the opportunities given to them in a in a golden plate, you know, and they all fought their way there, they all failed at some point, they all questioned themselves at some point, you know.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, so for example, I have this one girl, and she uh has a lot of, you know, she has some um uh body image, low body image about herself.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_04: And so I had her imagine somebody else who may not be perfect physically in the eyes of people, maybe, you know.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_04: Not that I'm saying we're that they're they're not good looking, it's just that that's how we are, you know.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_04: And so anybody you think people would make fun of physically and but they're doing well in life, and she she came up with two people, and one of them of them.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe I can name her Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, you know.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_04: So she she's a black woman, okay.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_04: She has struggled with her weight, she suffered from trauma, okay.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_04: She suffered from abuse, and she shares her story.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_04: She but she's doing well in life, and she went there, she reached their how and she's confident in her skin.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right?
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_04: She she and we don't know what happens behind closed doors.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_04: We don't know if she questions herself and which she does.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_04: We don't know if there were days where she cried herself to sleep, which she probably did.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I mean, you know, she's a beautiful, beautiful woman.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, or why is she beautiful?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_04: Not just because she physically, you know, it's she's a beautiful woman from the inside.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_04: And so so if you start thinking of Oprah and you go, like, if Oprah can do it, yeah, we can do it too.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: If I'm maybe physically as big as her, or if I'm maybe as dark as her, or if I'm maybe abused the way she was, or I have issues maybe worse than hers that she that she had, excuse me, you know, she survived and she thrived, we can do it too, you know.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_04: And so when we model them, like if if we if I have you imagine that you're Oprah Winfrey, and if I have you become her, for instance, if you're Oprah Winfrey and whatever is happening in your life, imagine what would Oprah do.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, have her walk through Oprah's shoes, yeah.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and when they actually become, when they actually start modeling them, how would Oprah react to this?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_04: If your husband or your child is behaving this way, or if somebody is saying something to you, how would Oprah Oprah behave?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_04: What would she do?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's sort of like you're you're embodying the qualities of that person because you what you really admire are the some of the qualities that they have.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oprah is a great one because she's very easy to admire.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: I adore her.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've adored her since I watched her at four four o'clock Eastern Standard Time when I was younger.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've seen her since my childhood.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think, yeah, I think that idea of what are those qualities, and even to take it to to now, you know, if we think about social media and you know, I'm sure as soon as you associate yourself in some small way with the term coach, like your social media feeds are flooded with different coaches of varying types.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so easy to compare yourself to them, but instead seeing like, well, if they can all do it, then I can too.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's evidence.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's evidence that it's possible.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_04: Then there are people, you know, whose whose language is not clear, you know, maybe they don't speak perfect English.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_04: They have their imperfections.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_04: Again, as we said, we were talking talking about aiming for imperfection.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_04: So we're looking at other people and looking at their imperfection and saying, are we making fun of them?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_04: Do we make fun of them?
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_04: Again, as you said, if you go on social media, somebody who has so many followers and people love them, but maybe they have a scar somewhere.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe they're not, maybe they're too thin, maybe their hair is brittle, maybe they uh stutter when they speak, maybe their English is not clear.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe they speak some other accent, maybe they're from some some country where their accent is very different.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you you you have Sudanis and you have Australians, you have the British, and you have people from all over the world with different accents, you know, people from Pakistan, India, they have different accents.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_04: But when you follow them, you may say, Oh, they you may for instance find something funny they said, maybe an accent, maybe a weeds, but then it doesn't really matter because what they're saying matters.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, people make mistakes.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_04: People make mistakes all the time, you know, and nobody really nobody is paying attention to those mistakes.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_04: It's only literally maybe till we're kids that these are these things happen, you know, and but once you grow up, no, everybody knows, you know.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_04: We have to own our imperfections.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_04: Amen.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's that is what it is.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_04: And the thing is, uh just imagine, like when we go out and we look at other people, they're struggling.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_04: If we see a mom who's struggling, if we see a you know, a teacher struggling, we we don't go and start judging them.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_04: You know, if we're not judging other people, they're not judging us either.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_04: Generally, people don't do that.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_04: You know, there could be a few people, but generally people don't do that.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_04: And even if they do it, it's very temporary, it's very temporary and it's over.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_04: It's it does not matter.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_04: Everybody has their life, they're struggling in their life, everybody has their story, and just own it, accept it.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_04: You don't have to run away from it.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love this, and I think I think it's so true.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think, you know, we we can grow up kind of trying to be so perfect, and we think everybody's going to notice our flaws and the things about us that we try to hide that probably ultimately make us the unique, cool people we are.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: But ultimately, when you look back at everything, you say, oh my gosh, nobody else had any time to worry about where I was imperfect.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: They were in their own heads, feeling their own imperfections and trying to feel like they belong and feel like they're worthy.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, now I agree with you.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: I get excited about the variety of people who are coming into my world, you know, literally from across the globe, which is super exciting.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, we don't have to show up with some perfect image all the time.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think that is such a great message, especially for women, especially for moms, that you show up as you are.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_04: I would like to add here for moms who are struggling, because I had postpartum depression after both my daughters, and I had severe postpartum depression.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, in a in the fact that literally I was getting hysterical.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_04: I had I got hysterical.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, in one of the fights, I literally broke a lot of things in my house as well because I just lost it.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_04: I was so angry and upset, and you're worthy of love no matter what.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, and bringing a life into this planet is not easy.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: So if men tell us, anybody if tells us that what's the big deal, all of the women do it.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I've heard it, my mother has heard it.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_04: This is something that all women get to hear from somebody or the other in their life, where people are telling them, What's the big deal?
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you're you're not the first uh pregnant woman, you know.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_04: And when my partner do you need anything?
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_04: No, okay, pick what you need and excuse me, I'm so sorry.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_04: It's okay, it's it's perfect timing.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_04: This is that imperfect life.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I want you out of it, at least.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_04: I I'm because I'm talking something, please.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_04: I'm sorry about that.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: No apology necessary.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: We're all relating to you on such a high level.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: So what was I saying?
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um you were saying, you know, someone who has given birth to a child.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_04: So, like, my one one time I was not feeling well, and my husband said something like that, and I was like, Yeah, but the thing is if uh every mother goes through it, every mother is special.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, have you ever considered waking up in the morning and feeling nauseous?
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_04: I asked him, I literally asked him, I was like, just imagine for a minute that you are waking up every day in the morning with nausea.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_04: You don't feel like eating anything, and when you're eating anything, you're throwing up, you know, and you being a man, you know, and men normally they have just even a headache or they're a slight fever or cough and they're they're in bed all day long.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_04: And it's been happening that for a couple of months, and this is this is some for somebody, a woman who's not having severe who's not having the hyper emissis, uh it's somebody which is having only just one month or two months.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_04: So I I I reminded him, I'm I was like, so even if one woman is having it, we need to praise her because even if it's very common, that is why we need to praise these women.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_04: Because it's something that you as a man, as a very strong person who thinks he's very strong, you will not be able to bear it if you have nausea even for two days, right?
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_04: And so, and then after that, the pain and the the delivering of the child, and and then what happens to our bodies after that, our you know, our careers.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_04: We have to give up our careers because of it, you know.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_04: We have to give up our our social and all kinds of lives, you know.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_04: We go in this depression, we have these mood swings, our hormones, you know, our hair, our skin, you know, our clothes are not fitting us.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_04: People don't realize it, what we're going through.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_04: And they think, oh, so what?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_04: Everybody, all the women go through it.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, yeah, yeah.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_04: If all the women go through it, then all the women deserve to be queens.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's it, right?
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_04: So you are worthy of it.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_04: Number one.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_04: Number two, thing I wanted to point out here uh if if you're suicidal at any point, because I am suicidal trained also, but if at any point anybody is suicidal, okay, uh especially a mother, because this happened with me once, and I would just like to share with me with a client of mine that she she had a baby, she had, I believe, two or three, it was her third child, and she probably was going through postpartum depression, and she was suicidal, and she was like, If I die, nobody will miss me.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, What about your kids?
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_04: And she was like, Well, my husband will remarry and uh they will have a mother, and so what kids get raised, you know, they're so little right now that somebody will raise them and they'll grow up and they'll be fine, you know.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's that's what how she felt, and uh and then I asked her, I asked her, okay, for a minute, imagine your mother passed away when you were little.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_04: For a minute, imagine your mother commits suicide.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_04: Even with your mother's flaws, nobody's perfect, right?
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_04: Even knowing how your mother was while you grew up and you saw her.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_04: But if I tell you even for a single minute that you just imagine she passes away or she committed suicide, and now your father goes and remarries, how would that make you feel?
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_04: And she was like horrible.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, if your mother was a horrible woman, say, even if you just assume it, wouldn't you be happy?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_04: Wouldn't you say, Oh, okay, she's gone, thank God, you know, my father remarried.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, no.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_04: Because that's what it is with mothers.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_04: Children don't care if their mothers are not beautiful.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_04: Children don't care if their parents, you know, are not perfect or not making a lot of money.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_04: If for a minute we think about our childhood, did we ever think about what our parents went through to raise us?
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe maybe my mother had postpartum depression too.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe she suffered too, and she did.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_04: I I know that now she had a lot of struggles in her life too.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_04: But what as children we wanted were just them to be there and be happy.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_04: Today it doesn't matter.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_04: I don't even remember the expensive gift they gave us.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_04: Really, I don't.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_04: Today, if I go back and think of what did they give me at my fifth birthday or my tenth birthday, or my 15th birthday, even if it was an expensive gift, it's it doesn't matter.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_04: No, you know, and so that's it.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_04: That's what your children need.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, okay, and so if you present and and believe me, I have people who come to me right now, my some of people who reach out to me for help, who are elderly, who have made mistakes, who have children who are older, who are grandparents now, but their kids do not meet them because they were not very nice parents, because they were not there for their parents.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_04: And so now their children don't meet them very often, right?
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_04: And they regret it and they want to make amends.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_04: They're in their 70s and 80s or 60s, whatever, and they're trying to make amends with their kids because now they're old, and the children are not willing to forgive them because for them they're they were not there when we needed them, they were not good parents.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_04: So remember this, remember this dynamic, you know, and so if that is how it is with our parents, we remember every good and bad thing they did with us.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_04: That's with our kids too.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_04: They will remember, they will not remember that I suffered from postpartum depression, they will not remember that I was financially struggling.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_04: They will remember if I hit them or if I abuse them or if I love them or if I leave them, you know, any good and bad extremes that I do with them, they will remember that.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_04: And so establish that bond.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_04: It is so important.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, establish that bond.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, don't repeat stories.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's so huge.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I mean, and the it's making you emotional.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, I really I feel it on so many levels.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the the science and the research out there shows that children, in order to have like survival through all kinds of traumas, they have to have one adult where they have like a good and strong attachment with that one person who lights up when they come into the room.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: One.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't need to be a primary caregiver, it can be somebody else that, but somebody consistent in their life.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that is is an indicator that they'll be more successful and heal through life.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: And the other piece of it is I just I know from my own experience, I didn't have postpartum depression, but I had postpartum anxiety and I didn't know that that was a thing.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: I just thought it was me.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think it's so important to continue to have these conversations because I just know there are new moms out there who are withholding how they're feeling because they believe that they're supposed to be holding it all together.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: And like you said, giving birth is traumatic.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it is wonderful, it is beautiful, but it's also trauma on your body and it's hard to heal.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you have this new little person who screams and cries all the time, and you're sleep deprived.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: And like, you know, they use sleep deprivation as torture.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_04: Giving birth is physically exhausting.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: It really, it really is, no matter what your experience is.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I think having more conversations around, like you said, celebrating motherhood and moms and rallying around them and really checking in and making sure they're okay.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think we're also sort of afraid to upset the apple cart and and to, you know, ask a mom, like, are you, are you okay?
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, are you are you hanging in there?
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: What, what do you need?
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do?
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, people are very commonly, I know, will be like, oh, I can come and hold a baby.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, well, that might not be like that might not be what I need.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: But also I think the expectation of, you know, the perfect nursery, the perfect dressed newborn.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they poop through everything.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: There, there's there's like very few perfect moments in an outfit unless you like, you fed them, you change them, you dress them and they fell asleep, they look precious.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, like the the unrealistic expectation that is set and we continuously put on ourselves, I think needs so much addressing.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we need so much more compassion for moms.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_04: Um and self-care, a lot of self-care.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_04: A lot of uh, you know, it's okay if if food is not cooked, it's okay.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_04: Um, it's okay if you're not wearing the right clothes, you know, or if you're you didn't get time to do things, it's okay.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_04: And but if you can take out time for that, take out time for yourself.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's let the laundry be.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_04: But if you need that sleep, take it.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and we don't.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_04: It's it it feels more like a good advice.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_04: Everybody tells us that they will sleep when the baby is sleeping.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_04: In reality, what happens is when the baby is sleeping, we're trying to do our laundry or cook food.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_04: You know, that is reality, and that also basically comes because we have this expectation from society, yeah.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_04: Our husbands want to come home and the house clean and food cooked, even if you've had a baby two days ago.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's very unrealistic uh expectation, and it's there and we're making it happen.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_04: The thing is, it's we're we're enabling it.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I it's time to stop enabling that.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think also I think there's more we can do in terms of you know, you're they're very resilient newborns.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_00: They, you know, they don't need all of the things, they just need you most of the time.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I wish we did a better job taking care of new moms.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I'm generally speaking, I'm I know there are lots of people who have had great experiences and great support systems.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and a reminder that this time too shall pass.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, time too shall pass.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_04: All the time passes.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_04: I know, especially when we're young, because when I was young, like in my 20s, maybe, I used to feel 40 year old.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_04: So you feel like you need to do everything right now, you know.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_04: You feel like this is the time.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_04: This is the time where you want to have fun, this is the time where you want to make your career, this is what the time where you want to go out and travel the world because you feel you have the energy because when you will be 40, you will be old.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_04: Or who wants to do it when you're 40?
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you're too old by that time.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, I turned 40 this year, literally.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_04: I turned 40 this year, and I say it outright to you: I've I've never felt better.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_04: I've I I say 40 is the new 20, you know, because right now, now with my girls growing up, I'm doing more fun things with them.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_04: We're going out hiking, we're playing, we're uh we're cooking together, we're dressing up together, we're going to the park together.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_04: So we're doing a lot of things together, volunteering as well.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_04: Now I'm back making my career.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it was put on a hold, but it can restart, and it can restart at any point.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, this concept that these young people in the 20s have that this is the time to live and enjoy.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_04: No, that is the most struggling period because that is a time where you're studying, it's hard.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_04: Trying to become a complete your studies and build a career and have a so the 20s and the 30s is the hardest year, yeah.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and just go with the flow, accept it because don't regret anything, you know.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_04: Or when I when I work with clients, you know, there are five areas in life that I work with.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_04: One is uh your self-care is very important.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_04: A lot of times you start giving uh importance to other areas, but we don't take care of ourselves.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_04: So self-care doesn't just mean going for a manny in a petty or going out to eat with moms and stuff.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_04: Self-care also means maybe doing something, uh maybe having a hobby, maybe reading a book, maybe just relaxing, sleeping one day, you know.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_04: So these are things in self-care too, maybe your hobbies, you know.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_04: We as a child, we believe okay, coloring, painting, swing, or riding a bike, you know, these are our hobbies.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_04: When we grow up and we become mothers ourselves, we go like, okay, these were childish things now.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_04: What are you passionate about?
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_04: What do you like doing for yourself?
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_04: Do it.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_04: Then of course comes the career or your purpose.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_04: And I normally put the purpose and career together because some people who don't have a career or may not be working, but they want they want to feel that they have a purpose in life, and it's very important.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_04: This is so important for moms, you know.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_04: I have a a friend of mine, and I love her so much.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_04: She was a gold medalist, she has done something in biotechnology or something, and she is from India and she got a gold medal in her master's.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_04: She's right now raising three kids, and she tells me that this is my purpose.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_04: I am she's proud to be a mother, and she feels her little one is right now three, and you know, just like me, she's uh the first 10, 5, 10 years till the kids are old enough to be in school.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_04: She she's found that purpose.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_04: So she's not frustrated, she's not angry, she's not suffering.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_04: That you know, sometimes in the in the start, she used to have this argument with her husband because her husband and she were both, they were in the same same class together.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_04: And so, of course, the husband is doing well career-wise, and she's nowhere, and she keeps reminding him, you know, that you are able to do better in life, and I'm not, like uh professionally, because I had to give up.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_04: And then one day I had this conversation with her.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, Did he force you to sit at home?
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_04: She goes, like, no.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, then why do you keep telling him that?
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_04: He's your partner.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_04: If you keep commanding him and keep comparing yourself with him, you're you're damaging his self-esteem too.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_04: Because he didn't force you, you made this choice because you had children.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_04: And see, again, these are the choices that we make.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_04: If your career was so important to you, you shouldn't have gotten married.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_04: If you got married, you shouldn't have had kids.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_04: You chose to have kids, you chose to have got get married, and so now when you've chosen that, own it, accept it.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_04: You still have a choice.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_04: Leave your kids at a daycare and go make your career.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_04: Nobody's stopping you.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_04: But if you're choosing not to send them to daycare because you want to raise them yourself, it's your choice.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_04: So why are you arguing with your husband because you're internally frustrated that you've not been doing anything just because you have a house to raise?
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's unfair.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's unfair on our.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a good conversation, Hannah, because I think it becomes a great divide.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I happen to be a working mom, and that can be very challenging in its own ways, but it doesn't mean that I'm any less of an engaged mother.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it also doesn't mean that if you're staying home with your kids, that you're any less, you know, successful or, you know, I I love that people would find that as their purpose.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think that's such a gorgeous thing.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why not?
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, choice.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_04: You know, everything is a choice.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_04: So if you choose it, make it your purpose.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_04: It can be a temporary purpose.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_04: Why not?
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_04: I choose to be a stay-at-home mom till my kids are in school.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_04: I choose to see when I got married and in the start because I had my mother-in-law living with me and she was sick.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_04: Um, this is before I got pregnant, you know.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_04: I got pregnant after three years of my marriage.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_04: And I had, because I had migrated from Pakistan, I went into I wasn't settling here.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't like it here.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_04: I was very young.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_04: I was 25 at that time.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_04: And uh taking care of a mother-in-law and a husband, and not being able to become a doctor, I was trying to, I was studying, and I was not able to balance it.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_04: So what was happening was me and my partner were fighting a lot, and literally I was on the we were on the verge of breaking, breaking up.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_04: And so that's when it was that I was like, okay, because of the stress of my studies, because you know, when you're a student, you can study 24-7.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_04: You know, when you're a student, especially in your parents' house, and you're not independent, you're not worried about cooking, cleaning, or the household expenses or anything, you know.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_04: Over here, I couldn't, and to become a doctor is is not easy, it's not easy.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_04: No, it's not like you just give two hours of studies and you become a doctor.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_04: So for me to give those six to eight hours to my studies, and then to my mother-in-law, and then to my husband, and to my house, and then I it was a cultural shock.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_04: I had come from Pakistan, you know.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_04: So people, I mean, there were a lot of things that were happening in that moment, and so I had to choose, and I was like, Yeah, if I settle in my marriage, I can always make a career, it can be done later on.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_04: I had to choose, or either the marriage would have ended, because those were the two choices I had end the marriage, leave it, and go and become a doctor.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_04: I could have done that, you know, but um I was like, no, no, I I wanted to give him because he was not a bad person, you know.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_04: It's like it was there was nothing bad, evil in it.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_04: It's just that we both were a little frustrated.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_04: And I did some self-reflection, you know.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_04: What happens is a lot of times we we're we're trying to find faults in other people.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_04: So um, but I had to look into within myself and see what is it that I could do differently to make it work.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_04: What was it that I was doing?
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_04: And I knew I was struggling from depression, I knew I was not liking it here, I was all alone.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I I and I and so then I was like, okay, so what I'll do is I'll try to settle here, try to create a relationship with my husband.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_04: And once I'm settled, we'll see.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_04: Career is not important.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_04: And look at it today.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_04: That's what I tell people where I am right now.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_04: I'm back to who I wanted to be.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_04: You know, when I coach people, I'm actually I'm essentially a doctor.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_04: You know, that's how I feel.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_00: So it fulfills that that purpose that you had and why you became a doctor in the first place.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're still fulfilling that purpose, you're still right where you wanted to be.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_04: And that came because I never gave up.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_04: Just keep trying, just keep trying, okay?
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_04: And learn from your mistakes and don't give up, and it'll come to you.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_04: You know, um, I I'm a little religious person, I believe in God, I have a faith.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_04: I so my faith is that you know, like if you keep striving, it comes to you, and it'll come to you at the right time.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, you have to be with your intention, you have to be honest, you know.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah, that's it.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_04: Just live your life, try to live in the moment, in the present moment, and be happy.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is is such a beautiful way to cap the conversation.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just want to give you a couple minutes to talk about the things you have going on and the best ways for people to connect with you.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm I'm just so excited.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to see where life takes you next.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I love the way that you've shifted, you know, life for yourself and how you're you're back there.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're operating in the way that you intended to, just with a different sort of frame around it.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for that.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_04: So, yes, uh, as I had said, I am a trauma coach.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_04: So you can find me on Facebook with uh heal with HINA, H E A L with HINA, H I N A, and I'm on Instagram as well, Heal with uh underscore HINA.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_04: And uh so basically I have a six-month program uh in which there are essentially four things that I work with uh when I work with trauma or PTSD uh clients.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_04: First one being um feeling good enough or feeling uh confident in what you're doing, you know, overcoming that self-doubt, because that is something which is one of the very first symptoms that people who experience any kind of trauma is that they start questioning their um not just their worth, but their competency, whether they'll be able to do things or not.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_04: So that's the confidence part.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_04: The second part is the self-worthiness part where they're feeling that they deserve, whether they even deserve to be loved or not, or why are they here in this planet?
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_04: What's their purpose?
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_04: So that's the self-worthiness part.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_04: The third part I work with is emotional safety.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_04: We all want to feel safe.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so a lot of our reactions are coming from the fact that we're threatened, we're triggered, okay.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so people may say something or we may see something, which may trigger a thought process and may trigger some a past experience or a memory, and then we go in that emotion.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_04: So, how to feel emotionally safe, you know, how to stay in the present moment, how not to let uh say your partner say something and it trigger you, and now you're fighting with him because it brought back a memory, right?
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_04: And you, you know, and right he didn't even mean it in that way, but he just said, Why is the room dirty, you know, and that's it, and that's all he meant.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_04: He just wanted something as simple as maybe a room cleaned, right?
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_04: And we start arguing with him because we're thinking, oh, now they're judging us or they're thinking we're bad or something, blah blah blah, because that's what we've told ourselves that we're not good enough, right?
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_04: And so emotional safety, and the fourth one is feeling in control.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_04: Again, very important because when we feel we've we've lost control, that's when anger happens.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_04: That's when people pleasing happens, when we become doormats.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, and so being able to control ourselves, understanding, you know, having that self-awareness where to put a full stop, where to start putting those boundaries so that you don't become aggressive, neither you become too submissive.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so all that comes in in how you're behaving, you're acting.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_04: So there are these four uh areas which I work with, and so it's uh heal with HINA, it's be your own hero project.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_04: This project is called you can find the website it on the website as well.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_04: And then I also do six-week uh smaller coaching sessions.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so somebody who's not interested in a six-month, you know, they can just book a six-week thing and we go from there.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I love it.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love be your own hero.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's such a great descriptor.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: I thank you so much for being here and for chatting with me.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think these are some hugely meaningful topics, and I hope they land uh with the right people who need to hear it um at the right time, because I think um you're doing a lot to be out there to heal other people.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I I really applaud you.
• 58:56
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you, and I look forward to staying in touch with you.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Kelly.
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_00: All right, everyone.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and if this podcast touched your heart, if you know a mom or someone who could benefit from it, please pass it on and please rate and review the podcast because we can get it to more people who need to hear it.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, stay curious.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_00: You never know where your curiosity is gonna lead you.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_00: Take care, everyone.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.