Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 47. Scripts and Strategies for Boundaries and Negotiation for WOC Leaders with Accion Opportunity Fund

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47. Scripts and Strategies for Boundaries and Negotiation for WOC Leaders with Accion Opportunity Fund · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you could relate to me.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: When I was a kid, I was bullied.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: My bully, uh let's call her Karen, said you'd never be a leader or manager.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: People would walk all over you, Elaine.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And uh growing up as a first gen immigrant, I was taught to obey and not talk back, to put other people's priorities before mine.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And this kind of messed with my definition of what success was when I was a kid.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: To follow the rules, get straight A's, and be valedictorian, which I accomplished all of it.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And as I've gotten older, more seasoned, I had to unlearn and heal a lot of things I was taught because I realized I was not honoring me at all.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I learned scripts and strategies to create boundaries and negotiate.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was able to become a director at 22 and then start making six figures.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: More importantly, I was able to negotiate when I was working full-time for other people on making sure I didn't have to stay long hours.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: I could stay at an appropriate time.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I could go out with friends, go work out, or just simply be human and sleep.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And with all these scripts and strategies, I want to share them with you.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: So in today's episode, it's actually a replay for a webinar I did for two nonprofits that I partnered with, Axion Opportunity Fund and Found LA.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: They provide resources for women of color BIPOC business owners.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And just know, since this is a replay, I'll be referring to slides throughout this replay.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you can get these slides yourself in the show notes at ElaineLu.com forward slash podcasts forward slash 4-7.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's drop the beat.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because our ancestors sacrificed so much so we can have this life of choice.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now, grab your coffee, tea, andor boba, and let's call your dreams to create your legacy.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So hi everyone, welcome.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's some of you still chugging along.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know Brittany just shared this.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't yet, please introduce yourself in the chat, name as well as where you're from, your business, just so you know it's only me and the fellow hosts and panelists that could see this.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And happy women's history, Mud.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: But first off, also use the chat.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Britney's gonna be monitoring it.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: But how many of you love actually seeing the diversity here with your host and panelists?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's just beautiful to see.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I really enjoy it.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, Brittany, I'm I'm ready for you to take it away and ask me questions.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And also to our to our community here, feel free to ask questions as well.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is for you.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, go take it away.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, absolutely.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I'm so excited to get into this conversation, especially when we think about women as business owners and just how amazing they are.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: But can you share why, as women, sometimes we feel guilty or selfish when it's time for us to say no?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then why it's important that we do put ourselves first.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll give the societal and cultural like background one, and then two, I'll also share kind of legislation so people don't feel bad.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: When, I mean, like as women, right, we were raised to play that supporting role, to support our parents, to support any siblings we have, and also the emotional labor that that comes from that too.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And also, since we are all business owners here, have ideations of having our own business, making money is a new concept.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So just know I like doing presentations with gifts, but the Eagle Credit Opportunity Act of 1974 just happened 49 years ago.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that was just one generation away for me.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a millennial.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: That means in 1974, that was the first time women were able to open up their own bank accounts.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Before 1974, we had to have a signature with a man if we were married.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And at that year, that was the first time women can finally own a home.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because before that, in the 1900s, only married women were able to get their own home, but they had to have it signed by their husband.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: So the unfortunate thing is that we have the societal and cultural constructs and also legislation where we weren't able to do what we're doing right now.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm pretty sure all of you feel this way, but so glad that we are privileged that we have this opportunity to make money and to say no.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, absolutely.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: And that's crazy just to think about how it really wasn't that long ago that we just 49 years ago, that's not that long ago.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: So, with that in mind, like, why do you think it's so hard for women to balance both work and family?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: And how can they navigate that?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so a couple of things.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: One is that we we were raised to have that emotional brunt, right?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: To to be taking care of our families and also the emotional labor.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And because we had were able to get our first bank accounts, like back in 1974, I wasn't born then.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is still relatively new.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And still to this day, who do teachers call upon when our kids have issues or challenges or need support?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it's for us women.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: So when it's starting to actually understand where you're at in your life.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna share something, and I know Britney's gonna provide this resource, but it's something that I share with my clients.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not something I've created, but it's called the life balance wheel.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Can you see this, Brittany?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know that.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: So you could put your eight different priorities of your life.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: It depends on you, there's different lists, but rate it from one to 10, 10 being the highest, and being mindful of where you're at in life, what you need to work on.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: These are just fake numbers I put, but maybe you realize actually money is something you need to work on, or maybe family is something you need to work on.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'll put 10 here, but maybe you have aging parents that you need to take care of, and that's lower and you need support.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: So being mindful of where you're at and assessing it, and then starting to ask yourself questions like, okay, what are my hopes in this area?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: What are your goals?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what specific steps can I take to start going towards that?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And another thing is how can you also start asking for help?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: The unfortunate thing is as women, we are raised to figure it out our own and to always be that supporting role, but how do we ask for help?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was talking to a client earlier, like, I have a house cleaner that comes in once a quarter, not once a week, just once a quarter.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I have clients who are mothers who actually have their niece and nephew come in to help fold clothes for them because they're a bit older and all their kids are under the age of three.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: So they need so they have them come over.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And in exchange, even though it's not money, all they want is for their aunt to make them a really good cake.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So don't think just asking for help is monetary, especially if you don't have money, but maybe it's trading something like food.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm Filipino, so like trading things with food is our love language.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I love using your support system in those unique ways.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like definitely you can outsource and you know get an outside service, but also leaning on family and friends.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times they're happy to help, you know, they want to be around you and with you.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I really, really like that.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: So, any other tools on what women can do to create more of that work-life balance?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I I know a lot of people are always asking, okay, I need an easy app, I need an easy solution.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna share the stat with you.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: There's an article from Harvard Business Review where if you just do 15 minutes of reflection every day, your productivity and happiness increases by 23%.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does like what does reflection have to do anything when it comes to work-life balance?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually setting aside time and reflecting what is working, what's not working, and what can I get help from?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I tell my clients, like 15 minutes maybe on Sunday.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in a relationship, that's connecting with your partner.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you're single, then that's just journaling with yourself, like what is working, what's not working, what do I need help with?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, what I do with my partner, well, me and him on Sundays, we connect and figure out, okay, what days are busy for us?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: When, who's like in charge of cooking?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Who and then we don't have kids, but for my clients who are parents, it's okay, who can pick up the kids with certain activities and writing that down and scheduling it in, or even acknowledging, hey, I did a lot last week.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Is there any way you could take a load off this week?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have a presentation or workshop that I'm doing.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like even on Sunday, I told my boyfriend, hey, I have a presentation and I know how our Wi-Fi gets.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Can you make sure that there is no call that's happening for you from 10 to 11?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Having those conversations because what happens is miscommunication and these assumptions of, well, he should know.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because ladies, you know, we do this, right?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, well, he should know what I want.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: He should know what I need.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is that not just men, but just in general humans, we can't think what the other person is saying or what they need.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's asking for that.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be vulnerable.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: We got into a fight one time where it was like, how come the dishes are not put away?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we could use a dishwasher.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, we don't need to use a dishwasher.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I could wash it myself.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Then I was realizing I was getting triggered, and there was my own traumas that were attached to it because I was raised by my own grandmother who was telling me, like, you're responsible for always cleaning.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't clean, then how can you be like a strong woman?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, wait, hold on, I'm in a new generation, and there's an invention called a dishwasher.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I could put these dishes away.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting when you start stepping back and acknowledging that you get to unlearn a lot of things that we were raised from and how to communicate.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I really appreciate about this time now, it's having those conscious conversations with folks and people.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love I love so many pieces of that.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: One, not, you know, assuming that other people know, and then also not like counting them out to help, because sometimes, you know, you almost feel like, oh, I know they they don't want to do it or I don't want to put that burden on them.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I love just like voicing what you need from your partner, your person, or whatnot, and then receiving that.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: And also the dishwasher has got to be like my number one favorite invention of all time.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and and culturally, how I grew up, I don't know if there's any other Asians in here, but how we grew up is we use a dishwasher to like dry, like it isn't drying rack, it's not actually a function of using it.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I I know it sounds so simple, but even okay, Nigerians too, I see people putting that in the chat.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or even being upfront and honest, like I can't wash dishes today until probably 6 p.m.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: because I'm on back-to-back calls, right?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: So being upfront, because you have to also understand, we all probably grew up differently.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: I am very privileged, how I grew up, and what I mean by that, very privilege.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: I had my parents were both working full-time, and I had my my grandmother was able to immigrate here and she did all the household chores, so everything was put away.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything was neat and tidy.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: So when I started living out on my own, I was like, oh yeah, there are stacks forming.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, there is stacks here forming in my office.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: You just can't see it.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just have I haven't, you know, I or I was positioning my laptop in a certain way.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: One, and then two, like I just my time is so important.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Even if that means so for me, if that means hiring hiring a house cleaner to come in, and I do it just once a quarter, I don't do it every week, and even if that means me lying down watching Netflix, that's fine.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like it doesn't mean it's because I don't have time and I'm working all the time.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: That could also mean I just want to lie down and relax.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, because rest is also important, and I love that putting the value on your time, especially as a business owner, and like your time is so, so valuable and so finite, and you deserve to use that in the ways that you want or that's most beneficial to you and your goals.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so I love that you mentioned how valuable time is because I do think a lot of women entrepreneurs undervalue themselves.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I also want to share, I mean, I know we're all business owners here or want to have our own business.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Our identity is not tied to just the work we do.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: We have a holistic identity of other relationships we have, or even just for ourselves.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like I do Muay Thai, do Thai kickboxing, I also do hot yoga, I'm also a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm an aunt.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like we have these other identities, and that's important to protect.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because what happens when we start just doing work all the time, then we start feeling resentful.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, such a good point.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: Also, to all of our folks listening in, and if there is anything that's coming up for you or something that you're struggling with around these topics, please drop it in the chat because we have created space to get Elaine's feedback and thoughts on that.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: And we really want to be able to address you guys specifically.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: So please drop anything in the chat.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just I'm giggling at all the different uses for a dishwasher because in my family, you know, we only use it on special occasions like Thanksgiving, Christmas.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that dishwasher took more time off than anything about the side mill.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so getting back to my questions.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have like any scripts on how to ask for help or how you can identify like who feels safe enough to ask for help?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: So make a list of people you can ask for help from.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: One.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then two, also if you don't know, then who can you ask that may know if that makes complete sense?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to recommend it's deloading this book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I will share that creating boundaries is really uncomfortable.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: So here's one.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Let's be honest, how many of you and type it in the chat where you get invited to a party, it could be from a family, or maybe it's a social gathering, and you just don't want to go.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not that you don't want to go because you have work to do.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to go because you had a crazy week and the thought of laying on your bed sounds amazing.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you just want to work out, or maybe you just don't want to do anything.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's completely okay.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I like using something called a thank you sandwich.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you're familiar with it, it's saying, Thank you for inviting me to the party, or thank you for inviting me to ABC.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I won't be able to make it, but please keep me posted for the next one.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, ladies, here's what I want to share with all of you.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to give excuses why you can't make it.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: I know as women, it's like, oh, I need to tell them something about why I can't go.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I can't go because I have another party, or you don't have to lie.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm trying to say.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: You also don't have to share all the details of your life to other people, but you're just setting this boundary.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to break it down why this is this is powerful.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: You give the compliment, thanks for inviting me.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: I won't be able to make it.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: So you're just saying, I can't, but please keep me posted.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it's also still in a sweet way.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I want to share when setting boundaries with your clients.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a 24-5 policy with my clients.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: That means I'll respond to you within 24 hours, five days a week.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, feel free to screenshot this if you're liking all of it.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: You will also get copies of these slides as well.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I say, I want to let you know I have a 24-5 policy where I respond to my clients within 24 hours during my work hours of nine to five.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I also want to share with all of you, you could change this.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: If your work hours is not nine to five, if it's 10 to 2, 10 to 3, feel free to edit.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: If I receive a message on a Friday night or weekend, I'll respond back on Monday morning.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're reading this, you're like, oh, respond to someone within 24 hours.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want to do it within two days.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Then fix it to 48 hours.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I want to share with all of you.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: You have to set those boundaries and be intentional about it.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we get like, I get anxiety.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just being straight up honest.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my God, I got an email at 5:30.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: I really want to respond to it right now.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to try to get into a habit that you don't have to, and you could wait until the next day.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sorry to say this to all of you, like the world will keep going.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like the world will end just because you don't respond to an email.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: And also if you really need to, let's say there is a huge deadline or emergency, you could make that decision if you really need to respond.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I actually even do the schedule, like I schedule an email.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: So sure, maybe I'm looking at emails at 5:30 p.m., but I'll schedule the email at 9 a.m.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: the next day.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the reason why I schedule an email.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: If I respond to someone right away, I'm letting them know that I am available 24-7 and you are training people how they're going to treat you.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: So in order to share with people that you have those strong boundaries, it's not having to respond then.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: So just want to kind of push you there.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing is I like sharing when you're about to have difficult conversations.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone watch inside out, reply in the chat if you have.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I just spoke for a conference at Alt Summit, and one of the speakers said this is when you are not responsible for the triggers that you may feel, like what might someone may say to you, right?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're not responsible for that.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: What you are responsible for, though, is how are you going to react?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: And what is your action from it, even if the action is doing absolutely nothing.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe one of your team members, maybe a family member, a friend, maybe they say something or do something.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: You do not have to react right away.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: So this is something that I've learned from my own therapist.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I have a therapist.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to say to all of you, I have a village of support.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have my own therapist and a coach, because I got a lot of dreams.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you've heard this quote, every new level, there's a new devil.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're going through that new level in our journey of life, personally and professionally, there will be challenges and things we need to work on.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: So when I get triggered, or what I also tell my clients is before responding, wait until you're in the green zone, when you're calm and happy.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you notice you're sad, rest, take time.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you notice you're feeling anxious, slow down.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Also take a breath.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're feeling angry, just stop.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Do not respond when you're the blue, yellow, or red zone.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Wait until you're in the green zone.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I wanted to share with all of you.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Brittany, I actually want to get your takeaway.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: What do you like about this when it comes to difficult conversations and when to respond?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: This is such a unique way to look at it and to visualize it.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: I see a lot of people in the chat saying they also love Inside Out.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: I will never recover from the Bing Bong scene.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: But it's such a good movie.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: But having this kind of perspective on it really helps just to give you kind of like a framework.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I find like it's a lot easier to say no for me personally or to kind of curate my answer when I am in that like green space and to have something to go back to.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, I'm feeling anxious.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember that little framework.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I should go slow right now.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: It almost gives me permission to like act within those realms.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: So I love having that little tool to kind of go back to.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to share what I do.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever there's miscommunication that arises with a team member or even a client, this is what I actually send a message.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know, people love hiding behind their screens and their text messages, right?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a little guard, like, please protect me from this mean person.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually send this message when I get an email or a text.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't happen a lot because I really work with ideal clients now.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: It happened more so at the beginning of my business.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: But when miscommunication arises, we have a company policy to discuss everything via phone.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: As things do get, I put forgot, misconstrued over text and email to ensure both parties listen to each other.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: I am free this state or this.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Date, what date and time are the best for you.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: So because we could always misinterpret, and it's so important to have a conversation.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: So what happens when you're in a conversation?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: So this is how you can have conversations with people.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you can use this both personally and professionally.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to just be work.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: But using the eye message of, hey, I hear I'm getting that you're really frustrated about ABC.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Can you share with me why?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if you notice, I'm not attacking to the person.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying, Brittany, you're being so mean right now.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's happening?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you notice that's very attacking and defensive, let's say me and Britney are in a fight.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: We're not, but just so you know, we're gonna role play.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, it's hey Brittany, I I realized that in the last meeting that we had, it seemed like you were a bit frustrated from the things I shared about this project.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Can you share with me why you're frustrated?
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want me to roleplay me?
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, I think we're good.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: But okay, and then I'll kind of give the example, even personally.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I remember there was a time with my brother, he would say things like family parties, right?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: And old, I mean younger Elaine would have like yelled at him because I'm an older sister.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, stop talking or stop saying that.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would have been really defensive at the party with my other family members.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what I did instead is I took him aside.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, hey, I just want to let you know when you say this, it does hurt me.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I would really appreciate if you don't say that again.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: And he appreciated that.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think the fortunate thing, because we say this on social media, it's so much cancel culture.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my God, this person, I hate this person, they do this or that.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to relationships, it's having those conscious conversations.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Something that I learned from my DEI consultants, pause on the play.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's being an imperfect ally.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like things are constantly evolving and changing, and it's having those conscious conversations.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like I like giving the metaphor to my clients.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty sure all of you relate as you've you're in a partnership or relationship, or you have been one in one.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: But if you notice when you have those difficult conversations with a partner, you become closer with that person.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it's similar to even work, right?
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: When we're working with people or with clients, like I tend to have more respect for people that are giving me direct feedback because I know how courageous it must it was for them to give me that feedback.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I always tell people it's a compliment.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: People are willing to give you feedback because they see that you are willing to change.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, how many of you here are like, I cannot give feedback to a certain family member because they will never change?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I get it.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: You don't, I mean, with certain family members, if they're not going to change, then you just create that distance and boundaries that you don't have to interact with them all the time.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I'm talking a lot, Britney.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: You could just stop me.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, it's so good and so valuable.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I've never heard it presented that way, just to think about that feedback as a compliment and an opportunity.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: And that when we are giving feedback to the people in our lives and whatnot, to think of it in that framework as well, instead of thinking like, oh, I'm gonna say something that I don't know, someone might take as wrong or whatnot.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: So, no, I really love that.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: And there's some some great notes in the chat.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to let everyone know we are recording the presentation.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_02: So you will get this directly to your inbox tomorrow and all the all of the great resources, the slides and everything like that.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: So I just wanted to mention that.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to read what we're reading your comments, by the way.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, Beatrice Moreno, thank you for putting that message.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: But she said, even if people don't change, you're still planting a seed by continuing to give and provide feedback.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I really like that.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I also will say when I receive feedback, even though it makes me feel really uncomfortable, I take a deep breath because I will say, I'm like, okay, let me, I'm about to go defend myself and fight.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, wait, wait, hold on.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not responsible for my trigger there.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I do say to people when they do give me feedback, I say, thank you so much for giving me that feedback.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know how hard that may have been for you to share that.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love to still have a conversation of what feedback you have for me in terms of like how I could improve or help me understand because I didn't see it that way.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: And also, sometimes it's it's the goal of the conversation is not about who's right or wrong.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: The goal about the conversation is how do we better understand one another?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, absolutely.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: Legacy leader, want more tips, advice, and funny gifts straight into your inbox.
• 26:57
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• 27:03
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• 27:10
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• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, how's my newsletter different from this podcast?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: Glad you asked.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: Think of my newsletter as an up-to-date diary, like Zinga or Live Journal for my fellow millennials out there.
• 27:26
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• 27:36
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• 27:38
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• 27:39
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• 27:43
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• 27:48
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• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so why are words powerful when you're creating negotiating strategies?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, words are powerful because they could either share positive or a negative emotion to people, like and you're handling it.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go back to like we're not fighting, okay?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just letting you guys know me and Britney are not fighting.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, Brittany, I can't believe you did this, this, and this.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Then, like, how did that make you feel when I said that, Britney?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: By the way.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we're playing.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: My initial reaction is like, I did what now?
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was very defensive, right?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: As opposed to, hey, Brittany, I real we were at a meeting.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: Can you share with me why you're probably frustrated with me when I said this?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: Can you help me understand?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: So when I asked it that way, Brittany, how did that make you feel?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it felt more like you were willing and wanting to know how I felt about the situation and get to a resolution.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: So actually, that that thing.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you notice, one was very attacking, and the second one was like, okay, solutions perspective, help me understand this.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: So taking your ego out, and then how can we provide a solution with it?
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: And involving the conversation.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I just had a client based in New York.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I'm working with two business partners.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: They have a product-based business, and they were having challenges of giving each other feedback on design.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: And they get it really personal, like, wait, why don't you want this recommendation?
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: So let's say the recommendation was like, I really think this product should be pink.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, it shouldn't be pink.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: It should be blue.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if you notice, that's very attacking.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: And instead, I was suggesting to one of the business partners, well, what if you give the feedback?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I think it should be pink because I heard this past week from 10 other customers, they really loved the pink one.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we should put more orders for that.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: What are your thoughts?
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: So if you notice, how I coached her through it was I told her, hey, I think it should be this.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Here's evidence why.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: 10 customers told me this past week.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: What are your thoughts?
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever you give feedback to someone, or if you want to give a recommendation at a meeting, or even giving a recommendation at home, like figuring out who's doing what chores, like, hey, I'm thinking we do this.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: What are your thoughts?
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if you notice it's a conversation between two people as opposed to a demand, like, hey, you're cooking every day this week.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Versus, hey, do you mind cooking every day this week?
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have long meetings every day this week.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: What are your thoughts?
• 30:41
  unknown: Yeah.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: What are your thoughts?
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: What did you like about what I just shared right now?
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: And what did all of you like what I just shared in the chat?
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: Feel free to share.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I really like how these tips and strategies are just as effective for our personal relationships as they are for their for our businesses.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like you mentioned, you know, working with, you know, your partner or whatnot on like household things that need to get done, but also having conversations with your business partner about products and strategies.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: They work in like the same, the same way.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so I love that.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Can I be, I want to be vulnerable.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I'm April, I am glad you love it.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Davina, I'm glad you liked it.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just reading your comments.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: I also want to share this.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: I lost a client beginning of last year.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: And she was really transparent with me.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, the way you showed up in the sales call to actually coaching me was different.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, like, thank you so much for sharing.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then I reflected on it.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, it's because when we first started in the sales process, like I emailed her her action items and notes.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was like a light bulb moment for me.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I should be doing that with my current clients.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I not doing that with clients as soon as they convert?
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so because of that difficult conversation, me being willing to receive that feedback, I have changed that in my coaching.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: Where I know Kimmelina is one of my clients who's in here every Monday, unless it's a holiday on Tuesdays, my team sends out action items of reminders of what my client should be doing.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: But they're reminders because life might get in the way.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: Me adding that business operation and system into my business came from feedback from a client that was perceived as negative.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to share that with you.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was a horrible experience for me to experience with getting a negative feedback, but that improved my business and my service.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm forever grateful for that.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_02: And as your business grows, just like as your relationships grow, I feel like you want to grow.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you want to be better so that you can serve more people or at a higher level.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: And we see we talk about this all the time.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_02: And like, no matter what strategy you're working on in terms of business, it could be social media, it can be whatever.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_02: There's always a next level, and there's going to be different demands.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of, what did you say?
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: A new devil at a new level.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, every new level, there's a new double.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, how many of you relate to that, right?
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like when you have a new goal in life, you're like, oh my gosh, there's all these things I still need to work on.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then that's usually when I go back to my therapist and work with my, I got two therapists because I got big goals and dreams, guys.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: So yes.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I love just the like your vulnerability and talking about like asking for and building a community around you.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's so important, and we shouldn't feel guilty as women to do that.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_02: I did see a question from Kathy, I believe.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to address that.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, she says, How should someone react when the feedback is often and sweetly negative?
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: You mean if it's like passive aggressive?
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what you mean?
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: When someone gives you feedback, but you know it's passive aggressive?
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I I don't call people out, I call people in.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: I do not call people out, I call people in.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're getting a passive aggressive comment, like, hey, thank you for the feedback.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, at the same time, I noticed that it was a bit tense.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: So can you share with me why it was probably tense for you to share with me why A B C Yes, okay.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if you notice, I'm I'm actually giving them feedback now and calling them in.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hey, can you share with me why your why your tone was probably frustrated when you gave me that feedback?
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, help me understand.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or I even tell people, this is what I'm hearing.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: I am hearing that you are frustrated with me about ABC.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: While at the same time, I did want to give you feedback.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: It felt very passive aggressive on my end.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I do even let them know.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: I also I know all of you are seeing me as like this person's an incredible expert that knows how to create boundaries and how did she figure out these scripts?
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was bullied a lot when I was in high school.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was stepped all over, said you'll never be a leader or manager because you just let people get in the way and have their own things.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, I was just such a pushover, and that I guess that's why I got into boxing, but I also learned the power of words and how to speak it.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: But mind you, I didn't grow up this way.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like the commuting culture I grew up, like being in a Filipino immigrant culture, was very reactive and emotional.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of the things I've had to do in the workplace, and even in my personal relationship and my relationships, not just in my partnership, but in even in my friendships, is unlearning how I communicated before, unlearning what I was taught on right communication and how to do it more consciously.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: So the one thing I started doing when I started learning to create more boundaries was not responding right away.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like wait until the next day to respond to a client.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or even when I have miscommunication with my own boyfriend, I let him know I can't keep talking about this right now.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get back to you tomorrow.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know in my past relationships, and I feel very bad for all of my exes, I was so reactive and emotional.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: I would respond right away, say things that I regretted, and then it would just make fights worse when all I needed was time.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: Going back to the like different zones, like green zone, yellow zone, red zone, blue zone, waiting until I was in the calm green zone to respond.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: I love like advocating, like knowing yourself and being like, I'm gonna give myself this space.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like for the benefit of this relationship and my own mental health, I'm gonna give myself the space to do that.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: I really like that.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: So just really good feedback in in the chat.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like, please keep it coming.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: So what are some squit or scripts that women can use to honor boundaries around their family and friends?
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I know I gave those earlier with family and friends.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I know we set that aside.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just curious, actually, I want to kind of open it up to the chat.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is there any scripts you guys need when it comes to family and friends?
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, not everyone could see it.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's just me and Britney.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: So it is anonymous and the chat won't be shared to the community.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: So, is there even any challenges that all of you may have with family and friends?
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that I'm happy to give scripting.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: But it goes back to what I was sharing.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you're invited to something, you could just say thank you for inviting me to a party.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: I won't be able to make it, but please keep me posted when you have the next one.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I will say I did have, I put a boundary in place again because I had a new client message me over the weekend and she's new.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I just let her know, hey, I'm just gonna respond right now, but I don't respond on the weekends.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll just answer this question and I'll get back to you on Monday if you have any other questions.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: So even reminding people.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I see some questions.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: So Natalie asked, Maybe when people want to help, but maybe you know you'll have to double check them.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: How do you say no properly?
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good question.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm curious, is that a family question or a friend question or sorry, work question?
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because I will say, okay, I'm gonna kind of show you something.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: Behind the scenes of my operations and my business.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: So when it comes to personally, it's like I would love to it's actually defining what it means to be done.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: So let's say it is washing the dishes.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'll keep it simple since we're in this dishwashing theme, right?
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, what if for you your definition of washing the dishes is making sure gunk is out and the dishes are dried and put away within the same day?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: For some people like me, it's like we're just gonna air dry it because I'm Filipino, it's just gonna dry up by itself.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'll put it away the next day.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: So defining and having those expectations to other people, like, hey, this is what done means.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to say that when it comes to business, right?
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a newsletter and I draft my newsletter on a Google Doc.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then what I have is actually I have an SOP, a list of all the different actions that happen and who's in charge of each action.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: So everything's listed, and then I have a checklist of what it means to be done.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: All text the same, all lakesquare, campaign is work.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I have this list of SOPs.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: So then when we delegate it to a team member, they could always refer to this.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because I will say I used to be so frustrated when I was like, how come my assistant's not getting this?
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: She does this every single week.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, I don't have this listed out of how I want things done.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's just been perfect.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually, for my business, well, all of your business owners here are wanting to do business.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been in business for a while, I want you to make a list of things that you do, maybe on a weekly or monthly basis.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: So for example, bi weekly I do a newsletter.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: By weekly, I do a podcast.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I have SOPs, which means standard operating procedures for each of the tasks that I do.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad that you guys like it.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's another question, Brittany, if you want to find it.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, this is a good one.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: How would you craft a communication if you need to fire a client that you decide you no longer want to work with?
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good question, Meredith.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I would actually have a conversation with them.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I would not put in an email just because things can be misconstrued, right?
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_00: So this is if you've already had a conversation with them, but like, hey, sorry, let me rephrase it.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's what you feel comfortable with and where the relationship is.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you just sign them on and you just realize they're not a good fit, then maybe you could do it in email.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you've already been in relationship with them, like you've had a contract with them for maybe a month or two months, then I would suggest doing this over the phone.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: And whether it's email or in or via phone, it's sharing this like, hey, I really appreciate that you've trusted me to work with you for X months or X weeks, while at the same time, I really want the best for you.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I'm the best for you because A, B, and C and sharing Y.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: I will share, but I don't like the word fire.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: I like the word, I realize when I'm on sales calls with people, we're misaligned because I don't want people to think people need to be good enough to work with me.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because I just am not an expert in everything.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I have actually let clients know when I am not a good fit and maybe they need to see a therapist instead, like, hey, I really want the best for you.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: At the same time, I'm noticing these are coming up one, two, and three.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been there.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what I did for myself is I went to therapy for those challenges, and I'm not the best expert for it.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like you should work and look for someone that does this.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes people want more support in something, and I really am truly not the expert.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell them, like, hey, I really know you want this, but I'm not the expert for this.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_00: So let me refer you here.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that's another thing.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually a great if you start noticing things, I will say this is a great way to have referral partners.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: So you could refer people to other people, and that actually increases your business.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing I've done for my business is I know you see the systems, but I wouldn't say that I'm the best expert at it.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually have hired a certified project manager to be one of my team members.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: So now me and her have a service that we look through people's systems and operations together.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like I provide the visionary strategy, and she provides the systems and operations piece.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes you could see things that your clients are constantly asking for you, and like, oh, this is something that I could add on to my business that I could support my clients in.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I really love that.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I love the terminology of misaligned, just like it's just not hitting, you know.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: But there are other resources, you know, and I want, and because you're because you're a coach and just like the way you support women.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: Women, it's very clear that you're committed to that.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_02: And that I think that comes across.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so having that terminology and that conversation still felt helps them feel supported, even though they're not necessarily going down the path with you.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like I really like that.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: Question from Priscilla.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_00: I like it.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: We'll read it.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: So Priscilla's question is my daughter would always ask, Why is dinner not ready?
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or why can't you stop and get me now?
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, when teenagers.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so here's the hard part is breathing, right?
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: Taking a breath.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_00: One.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not even kidding.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: Taking a breath because when we're feeling anxious or really upset, our blood flow is like move, like not moving.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to breathe for the oxygen to move the blood flow.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_00: One, two.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's similar to like even work.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually educating our kids and letting them know, hey, I know you want dinner ready right now, so do I.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I had to work until 5 p.m.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've been in meetings and I've had done this, this, and this.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: So the reality is that dinner will be ready at seven.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you want dinner to be ready earlier, you could help me.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to wait on me.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: What if you help me?
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or like, hey, why can't you stop and get me now?
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: I know you want me to get you, but I'm actually working right now.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: And working help does help pay for bills like the food and dinner you're gonna have, the mortgage, the rent.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if you could just wait 15 more minutes.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_00: So if you notice two things, one, it's letting them know, hey, this is what I got going on in my life.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like my unfortunately, my life does not revolve around you.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna tell you other things I'm working on.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: One, two, I went through a solution space, like, hey, if you want dinner earlier, you can help prep for it.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that could be something fun and exciting we could do.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: And a third thing is the tone.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, my tone wasn't, I'm going to attack.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: My tone was very calm.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I will say, like, I get it because I was raised in parents that were constantly yelling at me and my brothers.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it has taken a while for me, even though I'm not a parent, I do have nieces and nephews.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, okay, let me talk in a very calm way.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_02: Tone is tone is so key.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's so key.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, okay.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_02: So some people are saying that the phrasing is really useful.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think we have time for maybe one or two more questions.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_02: And then I want to move into some action items for all of you today.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_02: We have a question from Amanda, I think it's not.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, Amanda.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: So when do you realize that your current career really isn't a fit for you?
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_02: Or maybe when you do realize that, and how do you let that go?
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: So one is so it goes back to like what you're talking about, like journal and reflecting.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_00: Why isn't it a fit for you?
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: Write it down.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know everything is in our head.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: So actually writing it down, okay, and it isn't a good fit because I'm never seeing my family.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't good a fit because I'm not making enough money.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then even answering the question, why is it a good fit?
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because maybe there are portions of it that it is a good fit.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_00: I really love doing this type of work.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: I do love my team.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_00: So seeing what you like and what you don't like.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then even from knowing what you like and don't like, you don't have to let go.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_00: I know Hollywood movies, I live in LA, tell us we need to leave to go do this or pursue whatever next career or next business.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't know about all of you.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: I got bills to pay.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you could do it in a healthy and sustainable way where you could start updating, maybe like you could start updating your resume and your LinkedIn if you want to look for a new career.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you're interested in starting a new business, you could start asking people.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I did.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: The day I realized I wanted to start my business, or it hit me was the day I graduated from my master's.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because I graduated from my master's and wanted to be an executive director for a nonprofit.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the day I graduated, I realized, oh my gosh, I've been listening to what everyone's been telling me what I should do to be successful and happy.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I realized it was their definition of success and happiness and not mine.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to start my own business.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_00: And what I did was I started asking people, like, hey, if I started my own business, what would you hire me for?
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_00: And a common theme I heard was like career coaching or business coaching.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I, because if you haven't learned from my this workshop, is I learned how to phrase things where I always was getting like salary negotiations.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was a director at 22.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in my 30s now.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I got positions of powered influence at a young age because I was learning, relearning and unlearning how to do all of these things.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_02: Also, shout out, director at 22.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_02: We love it.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_02: So, Davina, I see your question about the questions and the presentation.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I promise we'll have all of the questions and everything included and the resources.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_02: So, Elaine, like I would really love to leave everyone here with some action items, some things that they can do today that they can take away with them and start negotiating these boundaries and whatnot in their life.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_02: So, what would you give someone who's, you know, some tips, someone who's just starting out, wants to implement a small step today or tomorrow?
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_02: What would you tell them to do?
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I created a slide for this.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna do like a multiple choice.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_00: There is no wrong answer.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: So type in the chat so we can hold you guys accountable what you're going to say.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_00: One, are you gonna fill out the life balance wheel?
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, Britney and her team are going to send an email with all the resources.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: So are you gonna fill that out so you know what you need to work on?
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_00: Two, are you gonna schedule weekly check-ins with yourself or your partner if you have one for the week ahead to reflect and end of week of what worked and when didn't?
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_00: Three, are you gonna get the book Set Boundaries and Find Peace?
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the book I recommended earlier.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then four, are you gonna use all the scripts and we're gonna email you the slides?
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or five, all of the above because you're the overachiever.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you have all of those resources.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_00: Legacy leader, if you found this podcast episode on scripts and strategies for boundaries and negotiation helpful, here are three things you can do if you feel called to do them.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: First, share this with a friend and how it could benefit them.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_00: Second, leave a rating and review so more people can find out about the Call Your Dreams podcast.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_00: And third, if you like to see how it would look like to work with me so you can prioritize a life led by self-fulfillment and self-trust, then schedule an introductory legacy business and career review call where you will receive three action items.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we can see if it's a good fit to work together.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you can go to ElaineLou.com forward slash call.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_01: Legacymaker, if you love this call your dreams episode, we would love it if you can leave a rating and review on Apple.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_00: So more women of color and allies can benefit too.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have one or two friends that would get so much from this particular episode, please share.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: The intention behind the Call Your Dreams podcast was to contribute and give back to our people.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: All right, we'll see you next Thursday for our newest Call Your Dreams episode.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to call your dreams too.