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S1E5: Can I Speak.... About Double Standards? · Can I Speak?

• Chloé: Alright. Hey Elijah Jay: Mm. Chloé: y'all. welcome or welcome back to another episode of Can I Speak? I feel like y'all know the queen. Cause who don't know the queen? But I'm Chloe. Three Dae: I'm Day. Elijah Jay: And I am Elijah. Dae: Three friends. Chloé: perspectives. Elijah Jay: One conversation. Chloé: okay, y'all. Today we talk about the girls and the boys, the men's and the women's. We're talking about double standards, which I feel like we live in every single day. So to just open up the pod, but before we open up the pod, Elijah. Elijah Jay: I gotta hit y'all with the mic check. How y'all been doing? What's been going on this week? Chloé: We're grand. The Lord is kind. I give it tens across the boards, It's time for a ten. All of my good days I weigh my bad days. And I won't complain. Dae: Mm, I won't complain. I'm about to though. So for my week, no, I just kidding. I kid, I kid. Elijah Jay: I like them. Ha ha ha. Dae: No, like Clone said, it has been this week has been good. Chloé: Yeah. Dae: I'm going an eight out of ten. Elijah Jay: Yeah mine's been pretty good too, We've had our little our emotions, our ups and downs, but we getting it, getting it, getting it, I'll give it about a 7.9. Chloé: So we're gonna round it up to eight. Okay. Elijah Jay: Ayy, yay. Chloé: don't y'all talk about me. I do have on the same sweatshirt, but you come wash my clothes. Dae: Mind your business, right. Actually send the money for the fluffin foe. Chloé: Mind the business that pays you. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. And pink is my favorite color, so Back to our double standards, because y'all know we get scared away. Now we're talking about colors for 45 minutes. Okay. What's a double Dae: Not that. Chloé: standard that you two, and myself included, would have y'all experienced personally that made you sit back and think, like, wait, everybody not playing by the same rules? Like this is a totally different ball game. I think mine is coming like with people and relationships in general. Everybody wants you to have grace for them. Have grace for life is hard and I got a new job and this and that. But when it turns for people to have grace for you, it becomes accountability. And I feel like that's a issue we all have. Like all as in everybody. Have grace for me. But then when somebody does something to me, no, hold yourself accountable. So I think that's a double standard for all people. Then I'm working on giving Dae: what? Chloé: grace. Go ahead. Dae: I have a question. Chloé: Mm-hmm. Dae: I think people measure grace differently, right? Chloé: Mm-hmm. Dae: So how can you say like this person is extending me grace? Like do y'all know when you're like, this person is extending me grace? Chloé: I think I measure it if I try to put myself in their shoes. Dae: What do you mean by that? Sorry. Chloé: so if I just reverse the roles and I see that they're still being Dae: Mm-hmm. okay. Chloé: kind or loving or whatever and I'm like, Chloe, you're doing that to them and they're still, you know, doing Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: being nice to you, being kind, being loving, no rebuttal. Okay, you're probably extending me some grace. Dae: That's good. Cause I think being on the reverse end of trying to extend grace, I think I'm often like or I try to be like, Hey, no worries, I get it. I totally understand. Chloé: Yeah. Dae: Grace. But that's good. Chloé: And my issue is I actually don't get it and I don't understand. But I you'll never know that. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: Mmm Chloé: Grace. Dae: Yeah no, I I get it. Especially if it's like a schedule thing or like Elijah Jay: is that grace or is that you just not wanting to Yeah, Chloé: Have conflict? Elijah Jay: have conflict? Chloé: I think two things can be true. for me. Dae: No, that's wait. I think for me, no, like I life happens. I get it. You Elijah Jay: No, I was saying 'cause Chloé: Life happened. Elijah Jay: 'cause Chloe said I can not like you said you don't understand. Yeah, I Like I'm not gonna say anything. Chloé: I don't get it and I don't understand, but it's cool. it's it's no beef. It's fine. It's cool. Sometimes I don't get it and I don't understand and I really wish that you would have made a better decision. I'm not gonna say better because better is subjective. I wish you would have made a different decision. But this is the grace that I can't extend you. I don't think you have to understand to give grace. Mm-hmm. Dae: I think it's situational. Chloé: For sure. Dae: What are we extending grace for? Chloé: Mm. Dae: in some things it definitely takes me longer to extend grace because I need to get some level of understanding of putting myself in your shoes. Chloé: But who are we to to do that? Cause God Dae: It's not a Chloé: God gives us grace every day. And his grace is sufficient. Dae: Yes, he Chloé: So why can't we extend grace to his children? No matter the circumstance. Dae: No, I'm saying for me in my human flesh. It's not that I have a difficulty extending, I'm saying understanding. Chloé: Okay, 'cause you you want to have some level of understanding. Dae: Yes. Chloé: Okay. Dae: Not of why you need grace or I need to Chloé: No, but of the situation. Dae: say hey day, I can't make it. I get it. Life happens, your car broke down, grace. Chloé: Right. Dae: But when you've hurt me, I need to Chloé: Mm. Dae: understand not only where you were coming from, put myself in your shoes, but also my feelings Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Dae: to give you grace. Chloé: Grace. Gotcha. That makes sense. I love that. It's different when that hurt involved. Truly. And some space. Dae: Yeah. It's gonna take a it's gonna take a minute versus But a double standard that I've experienced, I think, we all know that I'm not the girliest of girls. Chloé: Yeah. Dae: And I think even growing up and like even present day, I have to force myself to like, wear this. Or Chloé: Mm-hmm. Dae: wear that. Because there's definitely a difference in how you're treated versus when or how I'm treated when I'm dressed up to the tens versus if I got on. cargoes and some Jordan Ones. Chloé: I agree. Yeah, people people Dae: Yeah. It's just a devastator. Chloé: treat you different based on how you look. Unfortunately. For men and women though, because I'm quick to Dae: For sure. Chloé: to call a man out. And I'm sure he quick to call me out too, so two things can always be true. Dae: Yeah. But I'm not saying especially when it comes to me and right Chloé: Mm-hmm. Dae: me being dressed, not to say that when I have on cargo or like Jordan 1s, it's not girly or like feminine. Chloé: What? Dae: But I think the way that society measures femininity is Chloé: Yes. Dae: based on pink and heels and all the things. Chloé: Marry girl, la la la la, whatever that means. Yeah. Dae: Unfortunately fortunately, you're not gonna get that from me. Elijah Jay: I like that. I would say mine is you have friends that require depth in their, you know, relationship or they want you to be deep but you don't know anything about them at all. Or what Chloé: Hmm, elaborate. Elijah Jay: you know about them is surface level. Chloé: Or like they haven't invited you into their personal life and they want depth from you. the relationship might al almost be parasocial. Elijah Jay: Hmm. I would say, well, for me in this example, well, yeah, because I can only I don't really have this issue with people, Chloé: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: it was yeah, so it it is a specific situation, but we don't have Chloé: Okay. Elijah Jay: to go into detail. But I would say I felt like things were s being shared, Chloé: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: but after the fact I realized I knew nothing at all. Chloé: Truly, I feel like if you don't something happen significant in somebody's life and you don't know for six months or a year, there's no depth there. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: You've actually already gone Dae: Yeah. Chloé: through it and healed. Dae: Yeah. And being held accountable for the things that happened six six months ago. Chloé: That you don't know or that you right that you never knew. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: Depth. Dae: But yeah. Chloé: Tricky. okay, so talked about depth, talked about friendships. I think with depth Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Chloé: comes boundaries. So Elijah Jay: Mm. Chloé: why is setting boundaries considered healthy until somebody sets a boundary with you? Elijah Jay: Mm. Because who are you to set a boundary with me? Chloé: Surely. Dae: we Elijah Jay: That's good though. Chloé: I think it's fleshly. It's so much power in being the one to walk away. I have, we have, everybody has, there's so much power in I set this boundary and I'm following through with it. But the moment somebody walks away from you, now why why would they do that? And da da da and I did this to them and da da da you become powerless. And I think it's flesh and ego. And it that's a hard it's Elijah Jay: Surprise they Chloé: pride. It's hard to to feel that. Elijah Jay: who are you to walk away from me, to tell me I'm the problem? Chloé: Who are you who are you to set a boundary with me? Dae: This going back to last week's episode, unpopular opinion. I love boundaries so much. Like even y'all setting boundaries, because boundaries, they're a form of love. Like they they teach you so much about a person. And it's just like, okay, I'm learning also like one, how to be a better friend, whatever to you, based on what you like, Chloé: Right. Dae: don't like, or But then also when I think of boundaries, I also think about God and how he sets Chloé: Mm. Dae: boundaries with us. And it's just the ultimate form of love. even in Genesis three, he's telling not a whole Bible study, but in Genesis three, the fall, when they're like, duh. I might have lost a sister. But Chloé: The D I V application is year round. Dae: when he's like, you know, don't eat from this tree, Chloé: Yeah. Dae: and they do, that was a boundary out of love. Chloé: Mm-hmm. Dae: out of knowing that you will surely die. all boundaries, everything, even the commandments, out of love. Elijah Jay: I like how you flipped it and you turned it positive 'cause I think boundaries just has a negative Chloé: Yeah. A negative, yep. Elijah Jay: like it just so we don't look Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: at it as something that could be positive. And I feel like we had a a situation where me and you kinda had a conversation and, you know, we that that boundary was Dae: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: set there and it but it wasn't like it was a more positive out of it. It was like we're trying to learn from this situation. We want to grow Dae: Yeah. Yeah. Chloé: Yeah. Elijah Jay: from this. 'cause when you think of boundaries or like I'm setting a boundary with this person, it sounds like, you know, I'm limiting something or, you know, changing something and change can be different. It sounds negative. It sounds like, you know, there's an issue or a problem. So I think that's what I think when I like when I hear boundary, I'm like, what? Dae: Yeah, and and I I want to know your boundaries because even going back to that conversation we had, as your friend I never want to disrespect you, Elijah Jay: Mm. Dae: or make you feel any way. So I I tell me. I need to know. Chloé: I need to know, yeah. I think also with boundaries, and in a sense, I think we have to face the reality. When somebody sets a boundary with you, there's a piece of access that you're losing. And it's hard to stomach the fact that this person is creating space between the access I currently have and the access I'm about to have. And in your flesh, in your humanness, I think your brain just realizes like, hey, Something about our relationship is about to change, whether the boundary is to increase the love or whether to dial back on the relationship that you have, I think the brain has a difficult time separating the two. Elijah Jay: Yeah, and I was gonna say I also think your flesh kinda Chloé: Yeah. Elijah Jay: quickly goes into defense mode 'cause you're trying Chloé: Yeah. Elijah Jay: to figure out what okay, now where am I playing like what's the plan feel like? how do I maneuver through this? Chloé: Yeah. Dae: But I think also boundaries are I don't know, y'all know I just I'm different a little bit. Chloé: Mm. Dae: But I think boundaries Yeah, because I think it's Elijah Jay: Not the word boundaries is making you blush. Like you you Chloé: It's my hello happy. Dae: just like it's so vulnerable. And Chloé: Mm. Dae: for somebody to like bring that to your attention and say like, Hey, moving forward, I don't like Chloé: I don't like this. Dae: this and that does provide you new insight on that person. Like, I don't know. And I've it it Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. And that's actually love because it's like I love you so much that I don't want you to continue doing something that I don't like that could later on mess up our relationship, Dae: Yes. that was good. Okay. Ooh. Chloé: Ooh, y'all, I have a a story time. I'm not sure that this person watches the pot. They might. If this is clipped, they'll probably see it. but Dae: If you will. Chloé: I have a friend and I had to set a boundary with her. Dae: Mm-hmm. Chloé: And I set the boundary and you know, she told me, like, hey, I understand. I'm so sorry that I did this. I hate that made you feel that way. And then y'all, about three months later, said boundary boundary was broken. And I I guess if maybe the chat can help me, maybe y'all can help me. I'm having a hard time maneuvering that friendship. And now it's like, where does the grace come in? Because I I set a boundary. I told you what I didn't like. You were receptive of said boundary. Then you turned around and did it again. I I'm having a hard time continuing with this friendship and I've actually dialed myself back from her. No conversation. No conversation. Dae: I like that you I like that you brought up Grace because I was gonna ask, do you think that you should have to remind people of a boundary once you said it? Chloé: And that's what I'm having difficulty knowing. And I mean personally, I don't think so. Because if I care about you, the first time you say it, I understand. Dae: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: But also if it I guess the grace comes in because it it could be Dae: Grace. Elijah Jay: that it's it's a form of habit, depending on what it is, like what it what that boundary Chloé: Right. Elijah Jay: was. So it could be something that they have to break. it's something that's second nature to them. So it's like they're gonna have to put in the extra effort to not do that thing. Chloé: Yeah. Dae: Or even this might be crazy, Chloé: He's Dae: but like even if you like, hey, this is gonna be the safe word. Because I think about like if I tell a friend, hey, I don't wanna gossip no more and that's all we used to do together Chloé: Yeah. Dae: is gossip, gossip, gossip. like Elijah said, I think it would be second nature when they got the next tea, it's like, Lemme Carde. Hey, the cherries. Bananas grapes. Chloé: Right. Dae: I don't I don't know. Let's stop. Chloé: Yeah. And I think I would have grace for that. But it it just wasn't a second nature thing. It was just n Dae: I'm intentionally Chloé: Yeah. 'Cause Chloe, I actually need you to know this and I want you to see this and this is what's happening. And you Dae: Hey, stop playing with my friend. Chloé: know Dae: Thank you. Chloé: thank you. But you know, she Elijah Jay: It tells you one yeah. Chloé: she's around. Dae: Mm-hmm. Chloé: She's around. but our conversation is very limited. Yeah. Elijah Jay: It looks different. I love story times with Clo. Dae: Right. Chloé: yeah, because baby, I guess I guess this feeling. Next few episodes I'm gonna start dropping names. Truly she has pranked. Dae: Hey, let me tell you I have a story. I am the only thing saving a lot of people from these two. So please. Please be a youngest behavior. I don't know how many names I didn't have to edit out. Chloé: We could say this one bleep it, Jada. Elijah Jay: What's something society excuses when you're wealthy, attractive, or successful that they condemn to the rest of the population? Chloé: That's a good one. Ooh, it what first came to me was being rude. Dae: Mm. Chloé: When I'm attractive, I'm confident. when I'm wealthy, I'm eccentric. But when I'm an average person now, I'm arrogant and my attitude just nasty. So I think we allow people with those attributes to do that because they look a certain way, they have a certain amount of money. Dae: Sorry. Elijah Jay: The Chloé: Yeah. Dae: I think for me go ahead, sorry. You can say something. Chloé: No, I've just met I was at the airport and I met should we say her name? I met a famous person and Dae: Thanks to me. Chloé: she was so na Sty and so rude and she's a gospel singer. So you think you Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: th I'm finna be filled with the presence of the Lord, baby going through TSA just like me. You on the commercial flight just like me. Baby ain't nothing. You might just got an extra zero on your bank account that I don't have, but she was so nasty and so rude. Dae: So nasty and so rude. Elijah Jay: Well, it it is something about them gospel art. They be having something on them. They is mean. Chloé: No, I it truths. Dae: y'all know I I I could go on about me and girls in ministry. Chloé: That's a spirit. Elijah Jay: Fairly. Chloé: Lay at that altar. Dae: It's pride. Chloé: She said, I have the answer. Elijah Jay: I feel like we do allow attractive people to be rude or mean. Chloé: Yeah. Elijah Jay: or like you ever heard somebody say, like, you're not even you're not even cute. like to say you're not cute enough to be acting like that. but if you Chloé: Yeah. You not that's their favorite thing. Dae: Pick a struggle. Chloé: You're not even that cute. Yeah. Elijah Jay: I but if you work you that means you would be at your that behavior would be acceptable. Dae: Yeah. Chloé: I'm confident. Right. Right. Dae: For me, I would say abusive behavior in all forms. y'all go see men in concert that beat on women But if he was Chloé: Thank you. We do not support. Dae: ugly and he beat on your sister, your your cousin, you would be up in arms. Chloé: Yeah. World War Three. Dae: Or even that one man that got that song, w when it comes to children and women, they wanted it because he's a celebrity. Chloé: Take them with them to them look abused. Dae: I got a few names I can text. And it's like y'all continue to go to Chloé: To support these people, yeah. Dae: support these people. I'm texting. Chloé: And Elijah Jay: Or when they say, can we separate the talent from the Yeah. Chloé: From the the artist from the action. Dae: No. Chloé: Yeah. And their favorite thing to say about that one in in concert is he was young. And she hit him too. Meh. Dae: I didn't even text that name. But him too. Chloé: He turned her every which way every which way but loose. Elijah Jay: Y'all Patreon drop in soon, maybe you'll be able to get in the group chat. Dae: yeah, that's what we should call our Patreon the group chat. Chloé: The group chat, maybe you'll be able to see the chat. And Elijah Jay: I like it. Dae: Yes. Chloé: all the bloopers where we bleep out names and tell full story times. Dae: Y'all know we got so many story times that need to be Chloé: Shortly. I'm ready to tell my story. Elijah Jay: You truly gotta you gotta pass the vibe test. You gotta get a wristband. Dae: Hey, I I want you I want Chloé: I'm ready to tell my story. Dae: you to tell your story. Chloé: Yes. Truly. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: The Lord has fought for me. Truly. He has been fighting 'cause Dae: scared of who we might have to fight. I kid, I kid. We just we just pray the Lord will fight. Thank you, Jesus. Chloé: It takes nothing to be kind. And I hate somebody who's so nasty and so rude. And it's like 'cause it's in me. Elijah Jay: 'Cause you woke up and decided to do that. Chloé: And I can be nastier and ruder. So I just Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: I really Dae: Yeah. Chloé: hope that people decide to, you know, tread lightly. What do y'all think a double standard is when you're dating that people defend only because it benefits them? Dae: I'm Chloé: Mm-hmm. Dae: I'm trying not to make a joke, but I'm so far removed I'm gonna need some examples. Chloé: okay, I think a big one for me that I notice is people want traditional treatment without following traditional standards. And y'all Dae: Yes. Chloé: know me, every episode I say I love a man. And literally I have an expectation that my man takes care of me one hundred and ten percent. But Dae: Mm-hmm. Chloé: I am also going to be that traditional woman. And as I said in the last episode, he will literally say jump and I'll say ha ha, no questions. So I'm okay with following those traditional standards because I have a traditional expectation. But I feel like most women, I want him to take care of me, but you don't listen to nothing he says. Yeah, that's fine. Elijah Jay: All you do is DoorDash, Uber Eats, and cook Alfredo Chloé: He Elijah Jay: on Friday. But he's supposed to pay it all. Dae: I Chloé: Right. Literally. And then it'd be shrimp Alfred. Dae: have a question. These seem very targeted. I am pescatarian. as long as he's getting fed, does it matter? Chloé: Yes. You have to you have to cook clean and wash Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: Okay. I'm just asking. I hey. I don't want no smoke to be. Chloé: everything. Smile and grin. And hand that man your phone so he can cash app you and pay all your bills. And you give it to him and he give it to you. How does that feel? Dae: Fortunately Fortunately Elijah Jay: The twenty twenty-six version. Ooh, how does that feel? That is funny. That's good though. Dae: That's good. Good to know. Chloé: Yeah, you can't reject every responsibility that comes with following a traditional standard, yours or the ones that come with being with another person. Do what that man say do. If that's what you want, if if if that's what your choice is. Do what he say do. Dae: I have so many thoughts. also I mean it's very complex. Chloé: He Dae: I am a traditional woman for the most sense, however. Yes. Yeah. Chloé: She's about eighty five percent. Dae: Ninety. I'll even give you ninety. As long as he Chloé: What's that? Dae: is following the Lord, I will follow him. No questions. That's Chloé: True. And I think that's where people get confused because I'll never follow a man that's not following the Lord. So then there is no question and that allows me to be a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. for sure. Dae: There we go. We just had to add that part in there. Chloé: I can't follow no fool. Dae: A double standard in dating. I'm not clicking for you. Chloé: At all. Dae: If we're dating. 'Cause you're not paying my bills if we're d I think that just goes back to Chloé: I'm not cooking, washing, folding, cleaning, Dae: Nothing. Chloé: vacuuming. Elijah Jay: So how do you know in that, like when Dae: When that ring. Chloé: He I mean, and then even not when we're engaged. It'll have to be the day after I say I do. You shouldn't wanna you shouldn't want you shouldn't Dae: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: No, but I'm saying how does he know that he wants to marry you if he never had your cooking? Chloé: wanna marry me based off if I could cook. That's where we get confused at right then. Because let me tell y'all something. Let me t ooh we Dae: No Okay. You wanna speak? Chloé: Let me tell y'all something. This is where I get real irritated with a man. We're marrying for the wrong reasons. And I had a conversation with a man the other day. And he he said it's it's hard. It's hard not to say no names. Dae: Look at that eyebrow. What did you say to you sister? Chloé: And that man said he said, why would I be with her and she don't know how to cook? I said, so you I said, so that means to me that you don't love her. Cooking is something that can be taught. Why are we not being with people for something we can teach them? For something they can learn. You don't learn how to be a good woman though. You don't learn how to have a good heart. It's either in you or it's not. But you're not gonna be with her because she can't cook. He pissed me. I I almost sexist and break up with him right now. 'Cause he's trying not to be with you over something that w one, he can't do well, that his mama can't do. And two Dae: That's what I was gonna say. Chloé: And two that you can be taught. We can teach that baby how to cook. Dae: I blame the mamas. When mama Chloé: And the mama's food be nasty anyway. Dae: But when my mama taught me how to cook, my Chloé: Yeah. Dae: brother was also in the kitchen because that's a basic human need. When Chloé: Exactly. Dae: I learned how to do laundry, he also learned how to do laundry because that's a basic Chloé: Exactly. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: human need. Chloé: Right. And it means Elijah Jay: But he's not I don't think a male Dae: Are you finna play the go ahead, we're gonna let you talk. Chloé: Go ahead, speak, brother. Speak, speak, speak. You know it get real wicked behind these men. I mean Dae: We got He'd just be getting attacked. I promise we love him. Elijah Jay: It Chloé: He said I'm holding it down by myself. Elijah Jay: It's literally two versus one. But We need to put a disclaimer on this episode. I don't do not Dae: Okay. Trigger warn. Elijah Jay: attack me. I'm just defending all the brothers out there. I don't think he's asking it because Dae: Okay. Need a cigarette. Elijah Jay: he doesn't know how to cook himself. In okay, in my case, I can cook. I can do all the things. But why would he not want to know if his woman can cook before he makes that commitment? But let me finish. Dae: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: And The previous episode, y'all also said that y'all would need to know that y'all may know how to change oil. That can be taught. Chloé: Mm. Dae: Yeah, I have something to say. Chloé: in it here we're saying. Elijah Jay: It can be taught. Dae: I saw that say are you? Chloé: Go here. Elijah Jay: No yeah. Dae: You see, me knowing that you know how to change oil doesn't mean that you're changing my oil. I can know that you know how to change oil by you changing your oil, by you changing your mama oil. that I know how to cook based on how I sustain myself. And Chloé: Yeah. And you c 'cause you've seen me eat. Yeah. Dae: when I say I'm not cooking for a man, I'm not going out of my way to cook for you. Now, if I cook me some Chloé: I'll get you for. Yeah. Dae: and you just so happen to be here, you can't have some. But Chloé: And not and they might hate me for this, not even if you so happen to be there. If there's enough for me to give you, then you are more than welcome. But as an avid gym goer, Dae: This is we are rash. Chloé: I have to weigh my food. I have to make sh I have Dae: And we have meal prep. Chloé: to make sure there's Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: enough for me to eat. So if I have enough to give you, I do. And if I don't, I don't. Men be so entitled in the Dae: Hey. Chloé: dating stage, I wish I might make a meal for a man. I I wish I might. Dae: And if I Elijah Jay: Men Dae: and if I Elijah Jay: are entitled, but you're expected to be courted throughout this entire process, correct? Dae: Yes. Chloé: What does court in have to do with me getting over the slope for a man? Elijah Jay: He's spending his money, his time. What are you doing? Chloé: That's what he's supposed to do. Dae: Spending my time. time is the most valuable thing. I can never get that back. Chloé: Eva Elijah Jay: Right, so spend your time over the stove. Dae: Woohoo! Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: Hey, so we're gonna thank y'all for coming to because we're gonna go off Chloé: Thank you for watching. Elijah Jay: No, 'cause y'all about to y'all about to piss me off. This y'all about to piss me off for real. Like what y what y'all are saying is conflicting. it's it's not making sense. Chloé: No, it's not. No, it's not. A man, let me Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: tell y'all, a man who is actively pursuing a woman, it is his job and his duty to court her. You want me. You're you're courting me. You're pursuing me. All I have to give you is my time. Anything else, I don't have to do. And cooking is not a part of that plan. Why would I make a meal for a man that's not my husband? And that'd be the problem, cause you do all these wifely things and that's why they never get married. Y'all been dating for fifteen years. That's been your special friend for twenty-five years. Elijah Jay: Okay, so what is something that a man does not have to do during the dating stage that is a standard that he can keep for just his wife? what is the di how you have that that difference from I'm not gonna cook for you because we're just dating, but then you can cook for your husband? Chloé: Mm. Yeah, Dae: Marbials. Chloé: my bills. Or like if we go on vacation, like I can pay for my own flight. but Elijah Jay: You're lying. Dae: I'm not yeah, I'm lying. I'm not I didn't say that. Chloé: No, we I said the flight. I said the flight. I said that to get there. Elijah Jay: I'm not I'm not understanding. I don't understand. It's it's given that the woman the woman can set standards Dae: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: in different stages, but the man can't. Dae: Yes you can. Chloé: So he's asking what are what can he do? Elijah Jay: Because at the end of the day, he's Dae: I don't know Elijah Jay: he's still he's still having to come out financially. He's not paying your bill, but he's paying for everything else. Chloé: That's what he's supposed to do. That's f for Elijah Jay: And you're supposed to cook. What is the difference? Dae: If I could the whole world Chloé: my husband. Dae: go to know how If Elijah Jay: I'm not understanding. Like y'all are gonna have to say this to me. I'm not understanding. Dae: Okay, but now listen. But we're going back to being traditional, right? Like Chloe Chloé: Yes. Dae: said. If he's paying the bills, she's cooking. But right now Chloé: Ink. Dae: he's not paying no bills, so she's not cooking. Like I don't it's Chloé: Literally. So it with it with traditional it's a give and take. Like my man will go to work and pay every bill but I promise he will never wash a piece of laundry. Elijah Jay: Okay, so what is the equivalent of that in dating? Dae: you're washing over here. Chloé: He's not paying anything while we're dating. Dae: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: Yes, he is, 'cause he's courting you. He's taking you to date he's taking you on dates. He's buying you flowers. He's buying your favorite meals. Dae: I don't like flowers. Please don't give me no flowers. Chloé: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: all the things that you like. He's doing those things. He's he's financially providing that. And with that, Chloé: And in return. Elijah Jay: with that, you're not having to cause he now he gotta learn your favorite makeup, your your nail appointment. He's doing all these things and that's keeping more money in your pocket. Those were your bills. Your nail appointment was your bill. Yeah he is taking care of these things. It's just not on the level of him paying rent. He's Chloé: The Elijah Jay: not doing the the water bill. Like what is the difference? So what is he getting from that? Chloé: That's his cho. That's his choice. That is not a requirement. Anything a man decides. Elijah Jay: But you all have set the s the the tone for these things to be a a requirement. Chloé: Court me, court Dae: But also Chloé: me don't mean pay for my hair and my nails. And who said that? And now if he decides to find out if he decides to f to Dae: Look at me leaving it. I agree though. Chloé: if he decides to find out who that stylist is or who the nail tech is, that is a him thing. Court me don't mean pay for my hair. Let me get her number, get a page of her rule book. Who doing that for her? Dae: Yeah, that's not a requirement. Who are you talk who do you know? Who are you talking to? Chloé: But no, if my if my man is courting me, he gets things in return. I'm a gift giver. Is is me and out here with about thousand dollars worth of of my th Dae: Boy, I've never seen her in action. I said I have seen her in action. Elijah Jay: Okay. So you'll get some you'll get some gifts but you're not cooking. Chloé: I I will Dae: Yeah. Chloé: I will take care of him to the standard that he takes care of me. So when he pay a bill, I'll cook him a egg. Dae: A singular egg. Elijah Jay: I neither side. Chloé: When he when he build a house, I'll make him a steak. Dae: Equal balance. Elijah Jay: This is outrageous. Dae: I am Elijah Jay: I want y'all to know there Dae: hollering. Elijah Jay: there's active double standards happening on this episode as we speak. Chloé: That's not I think that's really reasonable. I don't ask so much. Elijah Jay: You're right. You're right. You're Chloé: He said, Sister, you asked for nothing. You're absolutely correct. Elijah Jay: right. Th this is all the bare minimum. This is it. This is what he's supposed to do. since we are still on the topic of women and men, or at this point women versus men. Chloé: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: Some women say they want an emotionally available man Chloé: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: or they want their man to be emotionally aware, all the things, but then Chloé: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: when he expresses his feelings, he's soft, he's he's doing too much, he's not acting like a man. Chloé: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: Why? That is a double standard. Chloé: Need Dae: It's just a mm. I don't Chloé: f for me, I actually don't trust the man till he cry in front of me. So please be emotionally available in tune Dae: I do. Chloé: and aware. Because if I ain't never seen you cry. Mind you, ain't cry. I'm sorry. Dae: ho ho I know exactly what she was about to say. Chloé: Twelve twelve years. I shed a tear. Baby. Yes, please cry in front of me. Let me know that you are into material by chance. Dae: No, if you cry we could never go to the altar today. Chloé: Yeah. And weep though. Elijah Jay: you say we Chloé: Well Dae: She said, she said, weep like Jesus wept. Elijah Jay: He said Chloé: Because I feel like that is when Elijah Jay: you need to be mounting like Martha. Truly. Chloé: I feel like that is when a person is most vulnerable. So I need to be able to see you in that state to trust you. Dae: I'm crying. Chloé: Y'all they're laughing at me because they know I'm so serious. Dae: Ha ha Elijah Jay: It really gets to a point. This ha this has to be a strong man. Like I am praying for you. Dae: Yo, and I just I can't wait to meet him and it's just like I Chloé: The high first question. Well, did you weep yet? Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: Did you weep take off that hat and please build a house so you can get that state? I thought Elijah Jay: And I wanna know the process, though did you take the head off first or were you already weeping? how did that start? Dae: my I can't I just cannot wait. I mean, this Chloé: wee. The Lord is still preparing him. Dae: is one person with when she gets married, I'm going Elijah Jay: When I say he's in the he's cooking them. He he Chloé: Yeah. Dae: it's it's gonna be a glorious day. Chloé: I mean they need to. Dae: Because the Lord has been so specifically kind. Chloé: They need to literally hug him. Pray pray in that moment for his strength. Dae: And on the wedding Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Dae: day, I'm gonna give him a notepad. Chloé: Ha ha. Elijah Jay: You know how some of those weddings they have the the worship moment? That man is gonna be he's gonna be crying. He like bent over. Chloé: y'all already know. Dae: You remember how their parents in springtime when Joe was at the front home decided, don't do it. That's gonna be us. Are Elijah Jay: Sick. Chloé: Ha ha ha. Dae: you sure? We understand. Chloé: You can run. We have a car waiting out back. No, but I feel like I'm a soft woman. Like they might not know this on this podcast. But I am a very soft woman, so I require a soft man. And I cry. So if I'm crying in front of you, why can't you cry in front of me? If this is supposed to be a partnership. We Dae: I agree. Elijah Jay: That is true. Dae: Because we all know that it don't take much for me. Chloé: Literally. Dae: It it don't take much. Chloé: It actually tastes little to nothing. Dae: And so I'm finna be here boo-hooing. It's Chloé: Yeah. And you just Dae: not sliding down the wall drahe, man. You're Chloé: Yeah. Dae: not you nothing. Chloé: Yeah. Elijah Jay: Yeah, somebody right about that. If you could sit and watch somebody cry. Chloé: Now there's a per go ahead. Go ahead. No, so I ha I have had Dae: But I also No, you're finna say something good. There's a person that what? Chloé: two experiences. I've been with the person who did not cry, but when I would cry, he was very comforting. I've also been with the person who did not cry. But when I would cry, he'd be like, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. So I feel like there can be I'm crazy giving. Still we but I'd rather have the one who knew how to comfort me versus the one who was basically looking at me like, girl, what are you crying for? Elijah Jay: Some people really just don't know how to Yeah. Chloé: They don't know to do with it. And that lets me know that you're emotionally immature, unavailable, Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: inept. Dae: even platonically though Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: because yeah hear me out if I Chloé: I don't know what else is. Dae: if I come to you and I cry about something sometimes you don't have to say anything just being there is enough but then there's people that just Chloé: Yeah. Dae: panic or Chloé: Yeah. Dae: Now I'm comforting you. I I don't know. you'll never you'll never hear from me again. Elijah Jay: Or is it just I feel like sometimes in moments like that I'm awkward because it's like you're crying and I'm sitting there like this. Chloé: Mm. Elijah Jay: I'm ho I'm I'm holding you and y and I'm smiling. Like you just really don't know how to Or I feel like Chloé: When people cr Elijah Jay: I'm my go to is to try to make you stop you from crying to let's let's laugh. Come on. Yeah. But Chloé: When people cry I cry. So Dae: But Elijah Jay: I I'm in the middle 'cause I don't like I'm gonna get mad after I cry. I'll cry with you, but I'm gonna be angry that I cry. Y'all Chloé: Yeah. Dae: Mm. Elijah Jay: know I don't like that tear stuff. It burns. Chloé: Truly. Especially if you got sunscreen on. Mm hmm. Dae: Let them flow, what? Let like let's all cry. What? Chloé: Yeah. Elijah Jay: This cry circle. Dae: I don't know. Chloé: Crying requires a lot of energy. Dae: It does. And that's why I need the whole day after. Which is why I used to schedule my grass. Chloé: True. Dae: But I also like going back to your original question, I think it depends on what the man is crying about. Chloé: really? Help. What's not acceptable Dae: Yeah. Chloé: for you? this is good. Dae: You n unpopular opinion, hands up, don't shoot. Elijah Jay: But he's regardless, he's expressing his feelings. Chloé: My friend is like, give that man a break. Like what sister in Dae: I think there's some things you just Chloé: lightness? Dae: okay. Let me let me see. Your dog died, cry. I don't know. Family member, pass away, cry. Hard day, cry. But some things, and I can't think of anything specific without being canceled, you just need to get up, put on your big boy drawers, and figure it out. Chloé: Saying and bleeping. Dae: if your car quits. Elijah Jay: Can't cry? Dae: Figure it out. Chloé: That's not gonna get you canceled. I think he'll leave that in there because I agree. And if we get canceled, we get canceled. Dae: Ha ha ha ha! Elijah Jay: But I think I Chloé: I'm just a girl. Like, what am I supposed to do? He can be free. You can be punch window out. Dae: Boohoo. I'm getting on. you can be mustered. Elijah Jay: So that mean he can't be frustrated in the moment. He But he's express he's expressing his emotion. if a cry is what comes out when frustrated. Chloé: You crying behind a car? Dae: Yeah. Chloé: You're crying behind something that's fixable as a man? If you don't get down there and get to twisting and was and unscrewing and undoing. Like I yeah, I have no sympathy. Dae: Call somebody. Chloé: Truly. Now if it's the if it's your dream car that then got stolen, I might accept a little tear. You don't weep, but you can you can Dae: Yeah. But I think also Chloé: you can drop a little tear too. Yay. Elijah Jay: This is not where you weep. You saved the weeping for me. Dae: I think I also think crying out of frustration is different because you're crying because you're frustrated, not because of the situation that happened. Chloé: Yeah. Or crying because I'm so mad I can't do nothing. If I do something I'm going to jail. That's Dae: Exactly. Chloé: that can be worked with. He Elijah Jay: There's so many stipulations. Chloé: said can I cry or not? And I mean best. Dae: Well yeah You best warn him. Elijah Jay: No. You gotta have a six page paper about why you cried. This is Chloé: Yeah, I do agree. Or even in my in mine only. So if you not mine, baby, if you got to cry because Dae: And this is not for all me, this is for my man, okay? I don't care what Chloé: your shoe won't tie right, cry. But as for me and mine, he gonna know. I feel like he lose his job. We don't got time to cry. Dae: no no way I don't agree with her Elijah Jay: So but y'all are saying y'all do y'all y'all do want your man to be soft with you. Wait, what'd she say? Dae: on that. Chloé: That if he loses his job Dae: She's sitting Chloé: we don't have time to cry. Dae: That's frustration though. Chloé: We don't have time to cry because I have put all of me in into you and you have a wife and children to take care of. Get up and go get it. Dae: And that's why I must as much as I joke, I Chloé: Mm. Dae: must continue to clock into somebody's establishment. Chloé: No, truly, you have your for sure. Y'all know Big Clow. Big Bank Clow is always gonna have Dae: Mm-hmm. Chloé: a little on the side and a little account, but Dae: So yeah, you can cry. Because Elijah Jay: So you're saying Chloé: Cry Elijah Jay: this man Chloé: on the way to your new job, thanking the Lord for all He has done for me. Dae: no. Wait, wait. No. And see, I'm different. I'd rather you cry, take some time before you jump into something that's not however much time you however much time. Mm-mm. Because going back to what I said, just Elijah Jay: What is wrong with her? Chloé: How much time? 'Cause maybe the the the bills are due at the first of the month. Elijah Jay: They are still gonna email us. Chloé: Mm-hmm. Dae: because the opportunity is available doesn't mean that's the first thing you should hop on. Don't worry about it. Chloé: Sister, the bills are due on the first of Dae: Big bank day. Chloé: Hmm. Dae: Can hold hold us over until Chloé: How how long you gonna hold them over? Dae: until the Lord says so. Chloé: May the Lord bless you continually and keep you. Dae: Yankee. Elijah Jay: That brought tears to my eyes. This fool said, Cry on the way to the new job. Dae: Like, but and I just Chloé: Thanking the Lord for all he's done for you. For being a sustainer. Elijah Jay: This man just lost the career. He he he worked so hard for this career. And he that Dae: I've But I think about how Chloé: No, he didn't lose his career, Dae: I'll Chloé: he just lost his location of said career. He's gotta switch companies. Dae: I just think about how people jump into things because they they're looking for the next thing. They need the next thing. And that next thing. Chloé: How are you talking about me? Elijah Jay: So where what if what if he so okay here we go? Dae: No. Elijah Jay: So he he lost his job Chloé: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: and so now he's seeking he he's lost his job Dae: Please don't lose your job, sir. He best be CEO. I'm not nervous. Elijah Jay: and now he's seeking next steps from the Lord and the Lord told him to wait. The Lord said, Don't move, Chloé: Okay. Okay. Okay. Elijah Jay: don't jump into the next thing. What do you do? Chloé: Okay. Ha is he expressing this to me? Has he let me know this is what God has said? Dae: That's your husband, yeah. But Chloé: Because I trust him. Okay. And we're gonna dip into my extra account this is way over there. And we're gonna pay some up about six, seven months, and then we can reconvene in about six, seven months on what the Lord has said to you. Cause now I expect you to be fasting and praying every single day. I hope. Dae: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: She means it like now she's withholding meals. Like Dae: She said so wait I just got a funny question for Chloe be for my own entertainment. So because at that point he's not paying the bills, do you stop cooking? Elijah Jay: That's why I said no like she's forcing the fast. Like now she's withholding meals on purpose. She said, I'm gonna make sure you're fasting. You don't get no snackies. Chloé: No, I'm I'ma still cook for my baby. I'ma still cook for him. But you must fat we're gonna get you a journal. Dae: Yeah. Ha ha ha Chloé: We're gonna get you a new bottle. We're gonna get you a devotional. You will fast and pray and stay in the nar Dae: Ha ha ha Chloé: in the narrow way. There's no more Friday night football with the guys and we gotta drink beer. Dae: Ho ho ho Chloé: We are on a mission. Elijah Jay: And I do I do mean the Daniel Vez. We are going full fledged. Dae: No way. I am weak. Chloé: We are on a mi truly because I I don't think y'all understand the depth of the situation. No, this is this Elijah Jay: 'Cause she's like, I d had to go into my account. That's not supposed to be touched. Dae: Ha ha ha. Chloé: is a serious situation. Dae: Hey, next person you date, I'm just gonna send them the podcast links because my Elijah Jay: Yeah, that's funny though. Dae: gosh. What Chloé: Truly. This is a serious situation. Our family is depending on you and you have no income. This is not the time for you to play. You don't have time to sit around on Sunday and watch that football game. Dae: okay Elijah Jay: So actually we are we're canceling all streaming this n nobody's watching T V. Chloé: We have to save money as much as possible. We have to there's Dae: So Chloé: no more golfing. So I c we cannot afford that right now. I need him waking up Dae: wait. I'm moving. Chloé: in the book of Job. Going to bed in the book of Job. But I'm but I'm gonna hold I'm gonna hold us down. Dae: Wait. Hey, Chloe. Hey, mute Elijah Jay: I need he needs to be doing he need to be doing the he need to be doing the soap method, soap thing. I need to see it all. Dae: her real quick. Chloé: Now we get it we're getting him a new journal, a nice pen. And I'll I'll I'll I can do it with you, whatever you need to help you. I am his helpmate. Dae: So you're saying because the gosh, I'm weak. So because this man doesn't have a job, Chloé: Ha ha ha. Dae: he doesn't he can't do no extracurriculars now. Chloé: We cannot afford how are we affording that? Dae: Y'all got ever you already got Elijah Jay: We're on we're on my dime. We're doing what I say. We don't got time for that. Chloé: But also I want people to Dae: I'm a weak. Chloé: understand that means I have to dial back too. So yeah. So Dae: Okay, yeah, say that. 'Cause right now Chloé: she said, make no like I can't get my hair done as often or my nails or this is I'm his helpmate. This goes both ways. But I can't be your helpmate if I don't Dae: we you done made by that. Chloé: hold you accountable. Elijah Jay: Like you saying, I'm not doing this for no reason. I need to make sure that we're actually being like, yeah. Chloé: Yeah. Fast and bright. We're both gonna be in the narrow way. Truly. Elijah Jay: We're gonna see the fruit. We we are gonna see the fruit. Dae: Now the kids hungry. Chloé: We might use a no. Don't get that soccer ball, we Elijah Jay: They just they just wanna they just wanna go bowling. They wanna go bowling on Wednesday night. Dae: T Tave will slide jaw some eats. Mm-mm, we passed, and daddy ain't got no jaw. Chloé: could put some water bottles outside. Elijah Jay: Yeah, you are funny. Chloé: Well, maybe they Dae: Please. Chloé: gotta call y'all to come bowling with y'all, but Dae: weird. That is funny to me. Girl said no, he will fast. Elijah Jay: That took the cake. Chloé: But to let the regul I want people to understand I'm gonna hold my man down. And every I will be his helpmate. Dae: Period. goodness. Elijah Jay: Hope so. Chloé: He said he said, Well, that's all the stipulations you got, that's the least you can do. Dae: I don't need He ain't got no hat to take off. Now she done sold him. Magic. Elijah Jay: Is that every watch over there we are pawning them now. We have to get it. We have to by any means. Dae: Alright. Chloé: Me Elijah, we'll give you this Rolex for about five thousand Y'all know that. Do you need some money? Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: Kobe at that point I I got y'all. What do y'all need from me? we Chloé: we Elijah Jay: That was good. I needed that laugh. That was good. Dae: Need that that's a side hurt laugh. I I can't wait to watch this back. Elijah Jay: This whole this whole that whole week it clips are just gonna be Chloe, seriously. The entire week. Chloé: And y'all laughing, just weak. She's Elijah Jay: Because it's like if we weren't laughing, you wouldn't be smiling right now. You're being so serious about everything you're saying. And that's the scary Dae: No. Elijah Jay: part. That's truly scary. The only reason you're laughing is because we're laughing. Chloé: Like literally there's not a joke that has been said. And I I need y'all to know Dae: I can't begin. Chloé: that. we're on Dae: I can't believe like I can't even fathom where that conversation took a turn. Elijah Jay: We're gonna have to swe we're gonna have to rotate weeks taking the family food. We're gonna have to feed them. Because she's gonna make Dae: Let's start a meal tray. Chloé: Truly, we used to eat tomahawks and now Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloé: we got skillet steak. I don't know, skirt steak. Dae: Play based. Elijah Jay: Yeah. What you make the Philly cheese with? Chloé: Mm hmm. Truly. Elijah Jay: That is funny. Chloé: We stand in the narrow way, hole family, dog included. Dae: He passed in the dominoes. Ooh we I don't even know if I have another question. Elijah Jay: So I'm gonna give off some scenarios and I just want y'all to let me know. Actually, I'm scared. I want y'all to let Chloé: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: me know if it's fair or if it's a double standard. Okay? Chloé: I think we all might be on the same page. Elijah Jay: A man expects his girlfriend. Dae: There Chloé: Lost me at girlfriend. Elijah Jay: A man expects his girlfriend to cook, Chloé: Mm. Elijah Jay: but he doesn't believe he should have to pay all the bills. Dae: Double standard. Chloé: Yeah, double standard. If I'm cooking, he's paying. And that's just what that is. Elijah Jay: one Dae: D have answered. Elijah Jay: huh. i it it's that's fair. Chloé: Okay. Dae: Well I almost told you to go somewhere. Keep going. Elijah Jay: I don't in my mind I just don't see how cooking a meal is equivalent to me paying your rent. Chloé: How often do you want how often do you think somebody should how often how often should I cook for my man? Elijah Jay: I mean no no. Your boyfriend. Dae: My boyfriend. Elijah Jay: That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying like you need to be cooking for him every day of the week like you his mama or his wife. Chloé: How often? Dae: He's about to piss me. Elijah Jay: maybe maybe once a week. Once every other week. Chloé: Intentionally. Intentionally make him a meal once a week. Dae: hey, what do you want? Chloé: I are you Elijah Jay: That'll be nice. Chloé: confusing me cooking for myself and giving him some? Like you're saying ask him, Hey, what you wanna eat this week and let me make it for you? boy, you I try to rabbit every Elijah Jay: Yeah, we already spend we already Dae: Hahaha Elijah Jay: we're already like y'all are already dedicating time to see each other. Chloé: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: Why not just cook him a meal during that time? Like instead of him like because he's taking you out on dates, instead of him going and paying for that dinner, hey Chloé: He don't have to take me to dinner as a date. Dae: Let me tell you Elijah Jay: I get that, but I'm saying y'all is i in replace of that time, Dae: you're not gonna take me mm Elijah Jay: you cook for 'Cause y'all were already gonna be be Chloé: Okay. I I can't commit to no once a week. I might could do or once every three months. I can't do no I'm not not only can I can't, I won't. Dae: And Yeah. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: I think one, if I do that, Elijah Jay: Brother I'm just trying to get y'all feed out there. That's new. Dae: it'll be like, and I don't like to cook with nobody in like when I'm when I'm in my zone, I'm in my zone. So if you want to do a cooking Chloé: Yeah. Dae: class as a date, that's different. Let's do that. Okay. Chloé: Yeah. Dae: Or if it's like a pain and sip here at home or at whatever have you. Chloé: let's do a little pizza competition in the kitchen. Dae: You still would be purchasing the groceries. Please don't be confused. Chloé: Yeah. We do little competition, make it fun. Elijah Jay: No, I'm talking about where you're in the kitchen. Chloé: And what doing, sitting on the couch, rub his feet together? Watching that football. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Yeah. Dae: Watching the game? Chloé: Okay. Dae: Nope, 'cause the WNBA game called at the same time. Elijah Jay: Because you're dating you're dating it okay, hi hypothetically you're dating this man. He let you know, Yeah, work was long today, I had a long day at work. let me come over there and cook for you. Chloé: Me too. What about I had a long day. I had a long day. Dae: I would never I wouldn't Elijah Jay: I'm pretty sure you've said that and he brought you flowers, he took you somewhere, he Chloé: I told a man I had a long day and he said. Dae: No way, he's like Chloé: Yep. Truly. Dae: Find out in the group chat. Chloé: Get on the Patreon 'cause I Elijah Jay: Johnny Chat. Chloé: will drop names and screenshots. Elijah Jay: She keeps all receipts. Chloé: I'll never delete nothing. Dae: Let's let's go ahead and get our lawyers on board. Elijah Jay: Okay, you know what? We're not gonna Chloé: Now we're s we're we're being sued for defamation of carriage. Dae: It's not deprivation 'cause she said, I'm wrong. Elijah Jay: It's all true. It's right there in the statement. Dae: No literally. Chloé: Okay. Yes. Yeah no. Elijah Jay: We're just gonna move on because we're not gonna I don't think we're gonna meet eye to eye on this. Okay, so a woman wants a financially stable man but gets offended when a man asks what she brings to the table. Chloé: Double standard. Elijah Jay: Did your lip twitch? Dae: Yes it did. Chloé: Did it quiver? Are you wet? Elijah Jay: You Dae: Why are you at mm Okay. Why I just mm I am the table. What are you bringing here? Chloé: Yeah. Dae: You ask me what I'm bringing to the table. Chloé: Truly. Elijah Jay: How are you at the table? Dae: Number three. What did you say? Elijah Jay: How are you det what does that mean? What does that entail? Chloé: Because ideally ideally what Dae: This is gonna maybe this is why I'm single. Yeah. You're you're you're pursuing me. Chloé: correct and what because you're a man, so what would be a a good answer for a woman to give if you say what do you bring to the table? Elijah Jay: I would wanna hear that you can cook, you can clean, you can wash everything. Chloé: Smile and grin, huh? Elijah Jay: smile and grin, you can read, Dae: I can't do none of that. Illiterate deaf and dumb. So Chloé: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: what? Chloé: The Elijah Jay: And at that point I know that you bring nothing to the table. Move on. Dae: Yep. And this and this is just not your table. Mm-hmm. Chloé: But they they ask what you they ask what you bring to the table and they want a reflection of their mother. I think that's Dae: Ooh. Chloé: that's all that is. You want me to you want me to list off the Elijah Jay: And it sounds like you want Chloé: same attributes and the same qualities that your mother has. Elijah Jay: And you want a paymaster. Dae: Yes. Chloé: Yes. Elijah Jay: So what is the difference? Chloé: we have Dae: kid. Chloé: to start and I think this is not talked about enough in our community, Oedipus Complex is real. Like men want their be with her. Like I at this point I don't know. Because if you really sit and think about it, all a man wants is his mommy. He won't he want h a version of his mother. That's all he wants. Elijah Jay: I think he just wants to be catered to. Chloé: 'Cause his mama 'cause his mama catered Dae: his mom Chloé: to him till this day. Till this day, mommas is still catering to these grown men. Till this moment. He trying to hold it down for the guys. He's trying his best. Elijah Jay: You know what we're gonna say this conversation. We're gonna bring a guest. I will not be we're Dae: Maybe Yeah, that's something maybe we should break it. Elijah Jay: gonna bring a guest. Chloé: we bring Dae: You can pick the guest. No, not you. Chloé: Who me? because I start sending Elijah Jay: I got you. I'm bringing the heavy in it in. Chloé: invites left and right. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: Get on here now. Chloé: Scan the QR code to join. Maybe we do need we need another Elijah Jay: Okay. Chloé: male guest for these conversations. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Because I'm getting jumped. Because she's the table. She's the table. And you're not cooking. Chloé: He's trying to hold it down. Yes, truly. He says, what the hell gonna be up here? Dae: care who you bury in. I am the table. and correct me if Elijah Jay: Okay. Dae: I'm wrong. And see I'm I'm gonna take it biblical every time. Jesus loved us, not knowing if we would love him back. Chloé: Okay. Mm. Dae: And so if he is if he is to love me as Christ loves the church. Chloé: Ooh help. Mmm. Dae: Why are you asking me whether I can give you everything? Chloé: Mm. Dae: Not to say that Elijah Jay: And that means you can love him broke. And not able to provide. Chloé: Now I do think it's different when you get with a man and he faces I a financial difficulty. I'm not getting with Dae: For sure. Chloé: a man who's already financially difficult. But if we're to g if we're together Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: Ha ha ha. Chloé: and something happens and I love him, I'm going to hold my man down. But Elijah Jay: Why does it have to be if you love him? Dae: Huh? Chloé: so I'm doing it for fun. Dae: Yo, he's raised baiting us. Chloé: So now it's Elijah Jay: Yeah, I'm just doing this forgetful. Chloé: now it's for fun. Okay. Elijah Jay: A friend gets upset when you don't attend their birthday celebration, but they didn't attend yours. Dae: I think it's a Well Elijah Jay: When you carry the one. Dae: that's a double Chloé: I think Dae: standard. Chloé: I think yeah, I think upset is not a good word. They can be disappointed. Their feelings can be hurt, but you have no right to be angry or mad or upset. So it's a double standard. Dae: And I'm also, you know me, give me some under like what was the reason I didn't attend yours versus you Chloé: Right. Dae: didn't attend Melon? Was Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: I laid up in a hospital with a tube down my throat? Like Chloé: Right. Did somebody in my family pass the pass away? Yeah. Yeah, Elijah Jay: It's situational. Chloé: it it's situational. Elijah Jay: A person expects honesty from others but gets offended when someone tells the truth. Dae: That's just goofy. Cause Chloé: Yeah. That's that's just dumb. Yeah. Dae: do you want honesty or not? Elijah Jay: A man is called a great father for doing everyday parenting responsibilities while a mother is simply expected to do them. Dae: double standard. Chloé: I'm trying to process the question. Dae: Read it so I don't Chloé: that's a double standard. I guess. Mm. Dae: Mm. Elijah Jay: a woman checks her boyfriend's phone because she has trust issues, but would consider it controlling if he checked hers. Dae: Fair. I'm just gonna wait here. Chloé: No that that's fair. I I have I I I checked some phones. Dae: Ha ha ha Chloé: But you can't check my phone 'cause there's nothing in there. Elijah Jay: He don't know that. And you don't know you should trust him. Chloé: He he should trust his woman. Dae: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: I would about to Chloé: Ha ha ha ha. Dae: I don't unpopular opinion, I don't believe in checking phones. If I feel like I need to check your phone, I just won't be Chloé: yeah, seeking you shall find. Elijah Jay: You're gonna be sick. Chloé: No truly Dae: Weight loss, no watches. Chloé: But I've only checked the phone one time. And I d Ha ha ha ha. Dae: She's goofy, bro. Elijah Jay: I don't think it I don't think I feel like if if she takes his arm Chloé: Come to the Patreon to see what I found in the phone. Elijah Jay: I think if she checks the phone, Dae: What are we gonna- Elijah Jay: he could check the phone. And 'cause it's controlling on both ends. You're Chloé: Okay. Elijah Jay: checking you're checking if you're checking his, you're controlling him. You're in his business. You're you're invading his privacy. What'd I say? Chloé: In his what? In his business. Elijah Jay: Yeah, you may have been. Chloé: don't know what business he might have that don't concern me. Truly, I am the business. Elijah Jay: I am his business. Actually Dae: So what's your what's your Patreon segment gonna be called? Chloé: Ooh. Dae: Call it compatients. Chloé: Ooh, I love that. Chloe's confessions. Elijah Jay: That's cute. That's cute. Chloé: Y'all gonna get oddity. Elijah Jay: You don't have to Dae: Day's diary and what your it's gonna be. Elijah Jay: Elijah's exclusives. I liked it. Chloé: Ooh. Chloe's exc what is it? Chloe's Dae: Close compassion. Chloé: Confessions, Day's Diary, Elijah's exclusives. Y'all, and we coming with the tea. And I already know what Elijah Jay: Nearly. Chloé: our first episode's gonna be about. Dae: And if y'all wanna know about my man that ain't my man, that's my man, you just gotta join the group chat. Chloé: Truly. Dae: What's one double standard that you've like noticed that you have in your own life that you're actively working to fix or overcome change? Chloé: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: I Chloé: I think mine is when I when it comes to like my personal life for me personally, I do not give myself the same grace or credit that I give other people. And I think that's something. Not that I'm trying to unlearn. I won't say it's active, but I am trying to put the steps forward to do so. Dae: that's good. I guess that kinda made me think about mine. I think like piggybacking off what you said, my would be learning to be a safe space for myself as I am for other people. Chloé: Okay. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: 'Cause I'd be mean to me sometimes. Agree. It's good. Chloé: Yeah, same. Elijah Jay: thinking about the people who are currently like in my community or like in my circle that I'm dealing with. having the capacity or being willing to deal with the behaviors of encouraging someone to deal with their trauma or what they need to heal from and being okay with dealing with what comes with that. I can't get upset with how you're reacting to certain things or like you know you unveiling what's going on. Chloé: Mm. Mm. Dae: That's good. Chloé: And you can be a little frustrated with You can have a little frustration. Elijah Jay: Yeah, what I'm learning is to not react to your reaction. not yeah, Dae: My patience. Elijah Jay: having the patience to deal with it. To withstand Dae: That's good. Elijah Jay: what's, Chloé: Okay. Dae: That's good, good, good. Anything anybody else wanna add? Chloé: No, though I think this was a great episode. Very funny. I think they're really gonna Dae: Great episode. Chloé: dive into our true personalities. Dae: For sure. Chloé: Make sure I like, comment, and subscribe. Make sure y'all lock into the Patreon. Dae: Clover's Confessions, Day's Diaries, Elijah's Exclusives. Thank you all for Chloé: It's gonna get real good. Dae: Okay, guys, thank you for tuning in to another episode of Can I Speak? We hope you all enjoyed today's podcast. I love podcasting with these people, but be sure to like, comment, and subscribe wherever you watch your podcast. Be sure to follow us all on our individual platforms and at our media page at Can I Speak Media. Yo, I gotta go to bed. It's my bedtime. Yeah, and can I speak media? Chloé: We're actually we're keeping all this in. Mind y'all, it is seven forty five PM Dae: I'm normally in the bed by this time. Elijah Jay: Ankles together. Dae: literally. But we love y'all. See y'all the next episode. Elijah Jay: We are. Chloé: Peace. That was a good one. Dae: Yeah.