Latest / The Smoke Break with Adrian The Car Guy / He Didn't Hesitate When They Asked About 3 Foster Kids

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He Didn't Hesitate When They Asked About 3 Foster Kids · The Smoke Break with Adrian The Car Guy

• 0:00
  Pastor Aguiar: If you don't take him, we don't really know where to place him.
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  Can we bring him to your home? And I said yes right away.
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  But really, we went from three to six in three months.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: A way of parents or people to make money. How true is that?
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  Pastor Aguiar: Oh, that's so far from the truth. God, would you pray that this little boy could find a home?
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  We saw those gifts open, and the exact thing that they asked for to be there, I mean,
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  it made us want to cry.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: All right, guys. Welcome to the Smoke Break Podcast. Here we are with Mr.
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  Aguiar.
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  Pastor Aguiar: Del Aguiar.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: Aguiar, not Aguilar.
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  Pastor Aguiar: No, sir. Everybody thinks that, but no. Perfect.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: Okay. Awesome. Well, as you guys may know, we are partnering up with Upbring,
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  which is a foster care company that services all throughout Texas,
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  but they do have two offices down here. In the Rio Grande Valley.
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  And Mr. Aguiar happens to be a foster parent. And as somebody that has experienced
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  foster kids and
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  everything within the system, it was very important to me not only to get the whole Payne Auto Group involved in this
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  great movement to make sure that these kids get. The best Christmas that they can possibly get, but also to spread the
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  word regarding the foster care system. So,
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  Mr. Aguiar, thank you for making it out. I appreciate you coming out here and having the courage to come up here
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  because I know it's not that easy, you know.
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  Pastor Aguiar: Oh, no, we're very excited to be a part of this, and just it's always been a dream of mine to be
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  able to be an advocate for these children and to have some sort of a voice where other people could know about
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  it. So, I'm very excited to be a part of this.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: The same here. I have a passion to making sure, like I said, the Payne Auto Group is involved in it,
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  but you know, this hits close to home for me.
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  My parents have owned daycares for the past 30 years.
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  We've been in the daycare business, and we're very, very involved when it comes to the situations that,
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  unfortunate situations that some of these kids may have. And 100% of the time, it's never their fault.
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  But
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  what are the biggest misconceptions that people may have of being a foster parent?
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  Pastor Aguiar: I think one of the greatest misconceptions that people have is I can't do it.
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  And it's too difficult, or that's for somebody else. That's not for me.
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  And the truth of the matter is, it's. It becomes so natural.
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  It becomes just a part of your daily life that, you know, yes, there are things that you go through and
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  different style of life, maybe, but it just becomes so natural in your life.
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  It's, I think that's the biggest misconception is that that's for somebody else.
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  That's not for me.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: If you want to tell us a little bit about yourself, you know, what do you do and what drove you to
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  want to become a foster parent?
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  Pastor Aguiar: Well, I've been in the ministry my whole life. And so I'm the pastor of Open Door Baptist Church over in Weslaco
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  and just been in ministry my whole life. We were missionaries in Mexico for a long time.
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  Oh, wow. And I've always wanted to have a big family.
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  And that's just always been my desire. I love kids.
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  I have a very good relationship with the children in our church and even the younger children.
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  And I just feel very comfortable around children. And When my wife was expecting our third
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  child, she encountered some complications And we were informed that we would not be able to have any more children And so
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  that was kind of a point in our life that for me personally, it was very discouraging because I had always dreamed
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  of having a bigger family. Being able to show that love to more than just,
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  you know, three children, and those were the three biologicals that we had.
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  And so it was always in my heart and mind that one day we would be able to foster or adopt or
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  bring some other children to our home. Actually, the whole time we lived in Mexico, a lot of the time we've been
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  here in the States, we've always had somebody else living in our homes, kind of like foreign exchange students.
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  We've had some younger kids living with us. We did too.
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  We did too. It's like somebody's always been in our home living with us.
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  And it's just exactly how we like it. And so
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  when it came the opportunity to be able to express that love to some children in a more intimate way,
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  a more real way, man, I was very much excited to do that.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: Is it as fulfilling as some people may make it seem?
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  You know, I know you're in the ministries and you do it because of the passion and the love and everything.
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  But I think one big misconception that they had, at least they had for people that I knew that had
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  foster kids. My uncle, he was a foster parent. Parent for many,
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  many years. We build relationships with those kids. But a lot of misconceptions that a lot of people had was
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  that, you know,
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  it's way of parents or people to make money. How true is that?
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  Pastor Aguiar: Oh, that's so far from the truth. I know that there are compensations for when you are
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  No, I know there is compensation to help you out with expenses, but far from being
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  a career path or a way to sustain your family,
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  far from that, there's a lot of expenses that are involved in fostering,
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  and the compensation
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  is appreciated.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: But at the same time,
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  all the stuff that you have to go through and and and they would understand that it's not all about the money
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  by no by all means the reason that I push forward into doing this and getting the Payne group involved in this
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  movement that i that i strongly believe is because i know the fact that it is not a career path you know
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  it is right it's it's people that are doing this as foster parents are doing it because of the the love that
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  they have and the passion that they have to help someone out So how long have you been a foster parent?
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  Pastor Aguiar: Well,
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  we received our licensing and got our first placement. I want to say it was about two and a half years ago.
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  Okay. So, relatively new. I know there's other foster parents that have been in it for a lot longer.
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  So, there were two little twin girls, and they're kind of the whole reason why we
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  went into fostering. they were with another foster parent at the time, and there were some complications,
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  and we just fell in love with these two little girls, two little twin girls.
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  And so, we went through the licensing process, and and to be able to.
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  Receive them into our home. And so we had the little girls in our home for about three months.
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  And I got a call from CPS and they said, the mother has just had another baby and kind of the
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  same conditions with the girls. And so they said, we need you to take him.
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  And I was like, okay. And they said, if you don't take him, we don't really know where to place him.
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  Can we bring him to your home? And I said yes right away.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: And I remember
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  it's always recommended for the for the for the siblings to stay together.
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  Pastor Aguiar: Yes, it's always, of course. And I remember calling my wife up and saying,
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  there's another baby coming to our home. And it, you know, it was within a, you know, that day they had told
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  us that it's possible they could come. And we had no little boys' clothing and had to go out and buy everything.
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  And the little baby arrived in our home, you know, and it was such a precious thing.
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  And like you said, the siblings, it's very important, the siblings.
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  So. You see the two little twin girls. Twins have a very special bond.
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  And it's amazing how they play together, how they operate together, but then to see them with their brother.
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  And I know that there's special bonds between families that are not siblings,
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  but there's always that very special bond between siblings. And I think it's wonderful to be able to look,
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  and we need more foster parents that are willing to accept sibling groups because so many are willing to accept one or
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  two. And they break those emotional bonds. And our kids were real little at the time,
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  so there wasn't as much of that emotional bond. But I know there's children that are older and they've already developed those
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  bonds as siblings. And to break that apart only increases the trauma.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: Sometimes they come in, and I'm not joking when I say this, sometimes they come in groups of four and five.
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  Yes. For a foster parent, it's already, you know, they're trying to help out.
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  You know, and no means is this, like I mentioned before, a career path.
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  So, you know, it's very hard to find a foster parent that's willing to take two, three.
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  Four and even five at one time. And it's and I can fully,
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  fully understand. So I'm glad that you guys were able to work it out and to put all of them together.
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  Could you explain to people that don't know what fostering is a little bit more of what it is as Fostering is
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  not.
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  Pastor Aguiar: Obtaining another child permanently.
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  Because, as long as they're in the foster care, like you said, there's always the possibility that they can be reunified.
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  And we always say that in fostering. The number one goal is reunification.
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  And we, in most cases, that's the best thing for that child.
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  Because maybe the parents just went through a bad patch, you know, or there was something that was difficult in their life.
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  And so they're able to fix those difficulties in their life.
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  And then, of course, nobody will care. For those children, you know, having such a tight bond as their biological parents.
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  And so, in the majority of the cases, I'll put it that way.
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  And so, reunification is the number one goal in fostering.
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  And I think that's something that people need to understand when they go into fostering.
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  You're just sharing your love with a child, but it may be for a short amount of time.
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  And it takes a very special person to be able to do that, to say, I'm willing to share my love.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: I know that maybe. You know, a lot of people don't want to become foster parents because they do not want to
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  have that emotional attachment. You know, like, it's like, it's difficult.
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  You know, I think they want to foster, but they can't bear the difficulty of separation.
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  Yes. Because you're always going to be biased about it and stuff like that.
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  But it can also be very rewarding. I've heard a couple of cases and it's rare,
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  but it happens more often than you would think. The case goes and they actually take them away from their
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  family. And then you get an option to adopt them legally.
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  Pastor Aguiar: Yes, that was the case for us. It was? Yes.
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  So we, September 22nd, we were able to adopt all three of these children.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: Oh, wow. In two years. That's amazing.
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  Pastor Aguiar: That's great. Yes, sir. It was an amazing thing. And so there were some indicators from the very beginning that the parents
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  didn't want to be reunified.
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  And so, you know, it does play with your emotions because you want to get that attachment,
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  and you, you know, in some ways, you're like, you start seeing those children as you would your own children.
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  And there's nothing wrong with that. But there's always that possibility, and you have to be prepared in your heart for that
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  possibility. And so it is a special kind of love.
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  I would say it's a completely selfless love because you're wanting to invest in those children for the time that they're in
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  your home. And then, you know, when that time goes away, you still have that love in your heart and you can
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  express that to the next child or the next opportunity that presents itself.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: Now
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  that you're fully adopted parent, is there any assistance anymore?
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  Or once you guys adopt the children?
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  Pastor Aguiar: It is reduced significantly. So there is a little bit that comes in from the state,
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  but it is completely different. And so, but you know, again, we understood that from the very beginning.
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  And
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  we decided to do that because, like you said, it's motivated out of a heart of love.
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  But I just want to thank you for what you're doing because one of the things about being a foster parent and
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  an adoptive parent or whatever is you do feel all alone.
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  You usually don't have too many friends that are also adoptive parents or fostering parents.
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  You sometimes feel like you're all alone. And Upbring has done an amazing job of coming alongside of
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  us. I'm not familiar with all the different fostering agencies, but I know that Upbring,
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  you know, every so many months, they give special funds to be able to buy the clothing,
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  you know, spring clothing for the children or fall clothing for the children.
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  And those things are funded by donors. And it's just an amazing thing.
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  And then even around Christmas and all, You know, when those gifts show up, and I remember one time the
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  gifts not only showed up for the fostered children, but as well, they brought some for the biological children.
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  And wow, that was amazing!
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  Adrian Gonzalez: It made our biological children feel like somebody is also thinking about us
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  as a whole and as a family, And one of the reasons that we wanted to do this kind of you know,
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  because it's not just a fund where we could just give.
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  Kids, you know, just here's money and go get yourself something.
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  No, it's more what do the kids want. these kids also deserve to have a good upbringing.
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  And I think the foster parents on their own are already doing a service by taking them in in their home.
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  And then if sometimes you get so attached that it almost becomes an expense because you want them to experience
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  the same upbringing that your biological child is having. And then now you're doing it and it becomes an expense.
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  And it shouldn't be an expense. It should be something that you can do and it can benefit your family at some
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  point, but also not be an expense. You're helping out the community.
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  And that is the reason that a lot of people don't want to get into it because income's tight.
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  You know, they want to help out, but they don't have the extra funds to be able to say, you know what,
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  I'm willing to help out these four kids. But I can't afford anything.
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  And I want to be able to provide them a good life.
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  And that's what we're trying to do here to make sure that these kids have a great Christmas and get more than
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  my goal is to get more than what's on this list.
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  We're actually also going to be hosting, I believe, I think it's a Christmas party at Main Event,
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  I think it is. the event is hosted by Upbring, but you, as a foster parent,
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  are also encouraged to bring any of your biological kids and be able to have fun,
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  and everyone gets to enjoy, and it's not like. An awkward situation, and it's kind of like everybody having fun.
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  I want to be able for not just the foster kids to benefit, but for the whole family and everybody that's like
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  yourself and your wife that are going above and beyond, because you guys did have a shot.
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  Of not fully adopting these kids. Yes. And you guys accepted that.
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  And the fact that you guys were blessed that after two years, you guys were blessed to be able to adopt them,
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  that's awesome in itself. So I'm very happy about that.
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  Pastor Aguiar: And
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  our biological children are much older than the fostered children.
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  And so there's an age gap there. And so there was always that part of.
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  That awkward feeling, like you said. And but I remember there was an event,
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  of course, funded by donors, and they asked our older children, what would you like for Christmas and things like that?
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  And to actually see those gifts come in, the exact things that they asked for.
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  Not monetarily expensive things, but just like my daughter likes a certain kind of books.
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  And they bought her that exact kind of books. And it just meant the world to them to know that somebody is
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  thinking about us because. We went from three children to six in the blink of an eye.
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  In the blink of an eye. And so, you know, when you think about that, it changes the whole family dynamic.
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  Our youngest is 13, biological is 13. And so, you know,
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  there were no babies or anything like that. And we were able to do other things.
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  And now that there's babies, it changes the whole dynamic.
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  We had to buy a whole new vehicle, change our whole type of vehicle and the way that we transport and everything.
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  So there's a lot of that that goes on behind the scenes.
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  And but I don't want anybody to ever think that.
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  The expense is the greatest thing. The joy of being able to do this is far outweighs anything that any sacrifice
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  we've ever had to make.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: It's totally worth it. 100%. 100%. So as your family continues to grow,
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  how has your biological kids accepted the new up-and-comings? Cause again,
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  it's a blink of an eye. Usually the process takes a lot longer.
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  For you guys, in two years, you guys went from three to six.
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  Pastor Aguiar: You know, how we went from three to six in three months.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: In three months? Oh, that's right. Because it took two years to get them adopted.
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  Pastor Aguiar: We've had them in our care for over two years, but really, we went from three to six in three months.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: In three months. So that has to be a big shock.
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  But you guys do it for the love and what you guys can do.
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  But I know that the adapting for even older kids,
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  how did they adapt to the change that you guys decided to do as a couple?
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  Pastor Aguiar: We have three children: one girl and two boys. And Each of their personalities is different.
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  So the way that they adapted was different in every way.
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  My daughter loves children, and so she was very much excited about the idea of having some babies in the house.
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  The youngest, you know, him being the baby, it was a little bit of a struggle for him.
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  And
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  we're a very devout family. We pray a lot. And I remember my youngest,
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  sometimes he would pray and say, God, would you help?
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  Especially when the little boy came into the house. I think it affected him a little bit more.
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  And he would say, God, would you pray that this little boy could find a home?
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  And, you know, that tore, that was something that tore us up a lot as parents because,
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  you know, we were wanting him to be in our home and we could see there was a little bit of a
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  struggle. But just with the family dynamic and including our older children in
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  activities, not forgetting about them and putting all the focus on the foster children,
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  but making it to where everybody's included. That prayer that he prayed quickly changed to,
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  you know, God, allow these children to live in our home.
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  And it became a prayer to eventually become, you know, an adopted brother.
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  Yeah. And now our children, I mean, we couldn't imagine life without these three little kids.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: It becomes a norm. You know, like when we first, I'm originally from Monterrey,
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  Mexico. I was born and raised over there. My parents came over here in 1999.
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  When we came over here, we came to McAllen, Texas.
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  My parents have been in the daycare business for 30 years.
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  But it all started when my mom was a stay-home mom and she decided to start a group home
• 18:50
  daycare center at at her house. So we lived in a subdivision and we just started taking care of kids with
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  what she did, right? And
• 19:00
  the living room side of it. Was living room and kitchen was all the day,
• 19:06
  quote unquote, the daycare. We would have kids come over, and you know, my mom would,
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  you know, she was licensed and everything, and we daycare in the front, our house was in the back.
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  And then, you know, as we continue building this, right?
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  You know, my, you know, some of these kids, one of them, I'm pretty sure she remembers who she is,
• 19:28
  but she was an RN and she would get called in.
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  And she would tell my mom, can you take care of
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  my son? It was only one kid, you know. Can you take care of him?
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  Because I'm going to be there till one, two in the morning.
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  So then we became from taking care of kids from nine to five to like literally,
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  okay, let them spend the night, go home and rest.
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  You know, you're getting out at one in the morning, two in the morning, go home and rest.
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  And then he would, you know. He would stay there two days, three days.
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  And he kind of became part of the family. For many, many years, that's what happened.
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  And that relationship in itself still continued. That was since 99,
• 20:08
  so 27 years ago. I literally saw him maybe two years ago here going to service.
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  Oh, wow. And I recognized him. And I said, hey, are you so-and-so?
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  He goes, how do you know who I am? I'm like.
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  We used to take care of you like for many, many years.
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  So it's like those relationships you get to build over the years and stuff like that.
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  And as a matter of fact, I didn't even know this.
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  I talked to my mom the other day. She still talks to that mother to this day.
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  Like whenever they have parties or anything like that, they invite her over and stuff.
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  And I'm like, wow, that's crazy on the relationship that you built.
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  So yeah, my family has been very involved in all of this stuff because you tend to see the struggles that some
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  of these parents do go through. But as we continue growing to daycare, we got to see a lot of the bad
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  side of things. But that's why, like I said, I told myself whenever I was given an opportunity to give back and
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  to help out people that are doing the right thing like you guys, it makes me very happy.
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  Pastor Aguiar: And I would like for people to understand the need.
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  You know, is there a need? You know, you think about a foreign country, you know, where there's a need for fostering
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  or there's a need for adoption, and that need is right here in Hidalgo County.
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  And there are children that are in need of care right here.
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  And obviously, fostering is not for everybody, it does take a special kind of family,
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  but everybody can help out. Everybody can help out. So, I believe fostering is for some people, and we would like to
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  raise awareness for that to where more people. Understand the need of fostering and would sign up with Upbring.
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  They're a wonderful foster agency. But then, as well, others that say, Well, it's not quite for me, but you could help
• 21:45
  out and support those that do feel called. And I believe it is in some ways a calling to foster.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: So, what if somebody was on the edge to becoming a foster parent before they actually jump and make that phone call
• 21:58
  and start doing everything? What should be some things that they Would have to like, hey, make sure that you have this
• 22:04
  in check before you even consider making the phone call and starting the application.
• 22:08
  What are some of the things that you may have?
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  Pastor Aguiar: The biggest thing I would say that you need to make sure is secure is your base.
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  And what I mean by that is your marriage and your relationship with your children.
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  Because if you do not have a good marriage, fostering can Can amplify those problems.
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  If you do not have a good relationship with your children at this moment, fostering can cause that to fracture even more.
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  So I would say, you know, if you're thinking about that, you know, make sure that you have a good marriage,
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  have a good, well, if you're married, you know, I know that there are some people that are not married that are
• 22:45
  foster parents, and that's a wonderful thing. But if you're married, have a good, Marriage and have a good relationship with your
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  children because fostering may put it to its limits. Now, the joy and the love goes way beyond what you could possibly
• 22:58
  imagine, but fostering will put those family relationships to its limits.
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  Adrian Gonzalez: Yeah, actually, that's some great advice, great advice. So, with the holidays approaching,
• 23:08
  what are you looking forward to celebrating as a family?
• 23:12
  Pastor Aguiar: Well, of course, Christmas. Christmas is just awesome. And especially with babies or with younger children,
• 23:19
  Christmas is just wonderful. And so we have a tradition in our home where every year each child
• 23:27
  buys a tree ornament and they get to pick out that ornament, whatever they sometimes they're very crazy or whatever.
• 23:35
  We take them to the stores and they get to pick out that ornament.
• 23:38
  And so we allowed our foster children, even before we adopted them, to become a part of that tradition.
• 23:44
  And take them and just allow them to buy an ornament.
• 23:46
  And it could be, you know, when they're young, they'll pick out something that maybe.
• 23:51
  And so it's a wonderful tradition. And then we hang those up on the tree and we hang the same ones year
• 23:57
  after year. So it begins to grow. And so then you can look back and say, oh, this was my ornament from
• 24:01
  a few years ago and things like that. And it's just, it makes a Christmas tree like full of memories.
• 24:06
  Upbring always supported us in this to allow those foster children to become as much a part of the family unit as
• 24:12
  possible and to just enjoy life just like any of the other children.
• 24:19
  Adrian Gonzalez: Well, I mean, I really do thank you for
• 24:22
  coming on here. And like I said, it's. It's not easy being, you know, talking about this type of stuff because I
• 24:28
  know some of the stuff can be, you know, the good thing is that you and your wife, I love the advice
• 24:33
  that you gave that you have to have a strong base before you start doing this because you're 100% right.
• 24:37
  Just like a regular biological kid, you have to have a strong base.
• 24:41
  And so hopefully this will encourage more people to go out there and become foster parents.
• 24:47
  If people are out there wanting to help in any way, right now we are creating the fund,
• 24:52
  which is the Payne Upbring Fund. You can go to PayneUpbring.com and you can place your donations for
• 25:01
  hopefully we're trying to reach our goal by Christmas. We're also going to be doing the party over there.
• 25:07
  And so we did get a list of all the foster kids in the Rio Grande Valley and we got an individual
• 25:14
  list of what they wanted individually. And our goal is to raise.
• 25:20
  Either people can go out there and just contribute a little bit, or they can go out there and actually buy the
• 25:25
  gift for the foster kid. And so the child gets to benefit out of it.
• 25:30
  And then, you know, the party that we're going to throw on Christmas for everyone out there is going to be a
• 25:35
  good idea.
• 25:35
  Pastor Aguiar: It's a beautiful thing. It's a wonderful thing. You don't know the joy that comes into the heart of those kids to
• 25:42
  get those items. And you're not just being a blessing to the foster.
• 25:48
  Children, you're being a blessing to those foster parents. Because when we, as foster parents, saw those gifts open and the exact
• 25:54
  thing that they asked for to be there, I mean, it made us want to cry.
• 25:58
  It made our hearts fill with joy that wow, somebody cares about them, you know.
• 26:02
  Exactly. And so, so you're through this, what you're doing, you're being a blessing to far more than just the kids.
• 26:07
  It's a blessing to the kids, it's also a blessing to the families.
• 26:09
  Adrian Gonzalez: Well, thank you very much once again for joining us.
• 26:12
  If you guys want to help out the cause, please go out there to PayneUpbring.com, set your donations,
• 26:17
  and thank you guys for joining us. Thank you, sir.
• 26:19
  Appreciate it for joining us. Thank you so much.