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E64: Sex After 50 - Love Is A Verb · The Junto Podcast

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Hello, America. Welcome to the Junto podcast, where we promote the practical
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applications of critical thinking and bold creativity.
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I'm your host, Edgar Mills. Thank you for,
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Hello, America. Welcome back. This is episode 64. I appreciate you guys for
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sticking with me. All right.
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Today, we're talking about a topic that is probably kind of awkward for a lot of people.
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But I did, in fact, write an essay on this or a blog. I wrote a blog on this last year.
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And this is based on that blog loosely. I've done a little more research on
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stuff. But, and I'm trying to avoid politics for a while. I did a couple of
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communism episodes and I mean, that even brought me down.
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So I'm trying to, trying to go a little easy breezy, but I think this will help.
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And the topic is, well, sex life after 50, right?
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But maintaining and even having a thriving sex life with your spouse after the
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age of 50, in your latter year, your kids are grown and maybe even got grandkids.
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I think my essay was pretty succinct.
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And one of the things I said in there was that maintaining a rigorous sexual
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relationship with your spouse after the age of 50, I mean,
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that unlocks a lot of stuff, like a mix of a newfound sort of joy and appreciation
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for one another, Sort of a newfound vulnerability Or at least,
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A freedom to be vulnerable With your spouse That maybe you didn't have before,
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And then Yeah And a sort of a freedom To like Drop Any pretenses Of Of whatever And just,
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Tell it like it is And that's That's the beauty Of getting Getting older Is
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you can do that Especially when you've known someone For,
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Four decades I mean that's Yeah Yeah, sex in the latter years is probably,
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well, not probably, it's pretty awesome.
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Yeah, even then, the daily efforts of life grind on us, and they work on us.
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And man, even today, I'm stressed out about a life event.
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But when you come together, and I'm going to use the word fuse,
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with your spouse, the person that you love and treasure the most,
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the I will say orgasmic pleasure but it's deeper than that even can be like a friggin miracle cure,
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for life's life's things yeah,
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like a miracle cure those things don't go away but man it's very nice to just,
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be able to put them in perspective it makes everything okay or at least makes you okay,
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and your spouse.
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But it's not just physical. It's not just physical pleasure, is it? Nope, it's not.
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Well, it's emotional sometimes, for sure. Sometimes, man, it can even be spiritual.
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Depends on what's going on and the buildup to that.
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But that trust and that closeness kind of affirms your relationship that like
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despite all the bullcrap despite the decades of ups and downs and all that that,
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that and the pain that maybe you've inflicted on one another or endured from one another,
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that even through all that that your your love does still endure right so,
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that making love with is an affirmation of that now when you're a teenager it's
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not it's different when you're a teenager right when you're a 15 year old kid,
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okay let's say 18 year old kid,
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your dick is hard when the wind blows it doesn't matter.
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When you're a grown-ass man it's a whole it's a whole nother ball game,
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So, yeah, it's an affirmation of your guys' relationship, a physical affirmation.
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But like I said, it can be very emotional.
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So today, I'm kind of throwing this topic to all the couples out there,
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the married couples who listen to me.
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Man or woman, it doesn't matter. This is for everyone.
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And if you're one of my female clients listening to this, share it with your husband and vice versa.
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It's valid. There's good stuff here.
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So, and also, look, it is my opinion. I am giving a lot of opinion here,
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but I'm giving opinion that's backed up by a little bit of science, right?
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I've looked at some studies from Mayo, from the National Institute of Health,
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and yes, even some AARP-backed studies, all right?
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Yes even aarp so,
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and then i'm gonna have a forewarning ahead there may be some explicit language
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in this episode so if you listen with your kid because you think i'm gonna talk
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about some cool shooting stuff,
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maybe don't this time.
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Not bad words, just, yeah. So the first thing I want to address in this topic is,
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a biblical view of sex as told in the Bible.
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Now I'm going to caveat that and say and tell you that I have zero authority to speak on the Bible.
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Just my opinion, the way I interpret the things that I read.
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That's it. And understand that. It's my opinion. But I believe,
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and I think I'm right, that the Bible does in fact celebrate marital sex.
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I mean, and I do mean celebrate. Yeah.
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And it celebrates it as God's gift. Sex is God's gift to a couple.
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And then what a gift it is.
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And explicitly, you'll see where, like, it's not a duty. Like,
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a woman is not beholden to, it's your duty to satisfy the man's urges.
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Now, that's not what's going on in there at all.
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It's meant that you both delight in each other.
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So, I'm going to tell you one of the scriptures that I read that backs this up.
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And this, look, did I do a whole lot of context on these? No.
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Do I know the Greek words for everything? No.
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Just giving you some surface level scripture that supports what I'm talking about.
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Proverbs, it looks like chapter 5, 18, 19.
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May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth,
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a loving doe, a graceful deer.
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May her breasts satisfy you always.
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May you ever be intoxicated by her love.
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Oh man. That's pretty serious business, isn't it? May you ever be intoxicated by her love.
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Let's see. Paul writes to the Corinthians 1, Corinthians 7, verses 3 through 5.
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The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
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The wife does not have authority over her own body, but yields it to her husband.
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In the same way that the husband does not have authority over his own body,
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but yields it to his wife.
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Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time. That's what it says.
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And I add, but not too long a time. Yeah, the Bible's telling you,
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one belongs to the other, not one more than the other.
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And don't hold back on each other That's what it says.
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And then the whole Song of Solomon, yeah,
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it kind of paints us up a picture of like passion and playfulness and a marital sort of love that's,
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the bodies are delighting and desire running wild within the covenant, things like that.
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And yeah, so you don't have to be uptight because you believe in God and Jesus.
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With your spouse. It was a gift given by God.
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And when you give a gift, you expect that gift to be used in its fullest.
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That's the whole point. Yeah.
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And then in my essay, I talked about it a little bit and I'll hit it here again
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in a minute. But I said that you both enjoy each other because you both will
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it, but you both will it because God wills it.
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Yeah, man, it's there.
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It's a thing that can be celebrated and lifted up and just enjoyed for what it is.
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Yeah, I strongly believe that you honor that gift by pursuing that gift in its fullest glory. Yep.
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So that's what I think the biblical part of that is.
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That's what I think. I could be wrong. Now, again, if you're one of my Christian,
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listeners and you want to school me up, please do.
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If I'm all wrong, please let me know.
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All right. What does science say about the whole thing?
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Well, science treats healthy sex kind of like a, well, like a secret weapon
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a little bit for your longevity, for good health.
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And there's a physical payoff there and not just the physical payoff,
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but a long-term physical payoff.
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Regular sex boosts your immune system.
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It can lower your blood pressure and it can cut out those kind of harmful stress hormones.
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I'm reading a lot about cortisol these days.
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And then from an NIH study, and then also an AARP-backed study,
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that it confirms that couples over 50 who stay sexually active have better heart
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health, stronger pelvic muscles, and we know that elderly people,
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they tend to fall and break the pelvis.
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Use stronger pelvic muscles to support that. And then lower risk for certain types of cancer.
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To include prostate cancer, and it says that the prostate protection for men
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is from ejaculating more often. Imagine that.
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Imagine that.
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Healthy prostate from ejaculation. So there's health benefits to it as well.
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Let's see what we got. A 2016 study of nearly 7,000 adults. That's a pretty
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good sample size for some of these types of studies.
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From the age range of 50 to 89, found that those who had sex more often scored higher on memory tests.
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Yeah, it showed that the frequent sexual activity linked to better brain health,
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ultimately to better quality of life, and to a longer lifespan.
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Yeah, man. this is science saying this so i started out straight away with the bible confirming,
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sex with your spouse is good now science is confirming sex with your spouse
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is good okay helps you sleep better.
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It can even help to more effectively fight depression. Yeah.
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And there is that oxytocin rush.
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Yeah, that, I mean, there are chemicals going on when you reach that orgasm,
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that climax, that pinnacle.
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There are chemical reactions happening.
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Yeah, and those, it turns out, are good. It turns out those are good things.
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And it makes you feel closer to your spouse. Yeah. So that's the scientific
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part of it, that it's a physical remedy for a lot of, like,
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long-term issues all wrapped up in a happy little package of, you know, pleasure.
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Like, real proper pleasure.
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So the daily slog seems a little less taxing on you.
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And you both might walk with a little more pep in your step throughout your day.
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And you might be a little easier, might laugh a little easier, be a little more light.
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And a good roll in the hay with your wife or husband might be that one little
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reminder of why you chose each other anyway.
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So science, the Bible and science backs what we already know to be true.
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We already know that sex is good.
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And just because you're getting older, don't make sex any less good.
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It just makes it maybe, I don't know, a little tougher to get there.
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We'll talk about that stuff.
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But to round out a good, healthy routine at my age, at our age,
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those of us over 50, yeah, go to the gym, eat well, drink a whole lot of water,
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make love to your wife you know,
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right. It isn't easy, is it?
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There's a thing, there's a catchphrase I say all the time and I don't know where
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I heard it at. I don't know where it was originated, but love is a verb.
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Yep. Love is a thing that requires effort. It's not a feeling. It's not a feeling.
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It's an act. It's an outward act That it makes you feel a certain way But that's
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not love The love is what you do,
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And it demands your effort If you want to maintain it You have to put the effort into it,
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And you both know it And you both know that it does take effort.
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The teenage lust That was once omnipresent Now, I can't speak for girls, young girls,
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but young teenage boys, lust was ever-present.
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And that lasts for a while. When you hit puberty, you know, freaking 12,
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13, whatever, you know, up through your maybe 20s, it's always there.
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It's always there. But it starts to wane. Yeah.
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We got to rise above the lust anyway, right? We know, now I've talked about
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lust being a deadly sin, but lusting for your wife, but not,
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is that really a sin, right?
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As long as you're not putting the lust above the Lord, right?
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So, but the lust wanes at any rate, it wanes.
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And the love still, you have to feed it intentionally. Yeah, you have to feed it.
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Because, you know, hey, man, we got tired muscles. We got creaky bones.
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We got low testosterone. All that stuff.
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And then never mind whatever that period of life is when you go and you have insecurities.
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Or even now, I might have a little insecurity with my dad bod, you know.
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Or as a woman, you might have a little insecurity with maybe you put on a little
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weight or whatever. Maybe you're getting wrinkles and that's stressing you out pretty hard.
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So you have to work to get past that stuff and squash it.
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And it ain't really that hard to squash, especially if you've been together for a long time.
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But you have to deliberately, again, choose each other. Not daily, but sort of daily. Yeah.
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So be deliberate. You know, make a date night or, you know, that might end up,
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you know, naked in bed together.
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Like, go have that conversation. Hey, babe, let's go get some dinner,
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come home and bathe up and...
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Candles on, you know, whatever. Be deliberate about it.
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You know, flirt with each other. Now, I don't want to be too revealing about
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my own personal life, but if I had to count how many times I touched my wife's
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ass throughout the day, it's pretty significant.
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And it's nothing gaudy or grotesque, a little pinch on the butt and a little kiss on the neck, man.
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That's flirting isn't it I mean it might you might do it so often it's kind
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of routine but yeah I do I like to pinch your pinch your butt and give her a
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little little little kiss on the neck especially when she's in the kitchen,
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I don't know why there's a connection
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maybe she's cooking me some eggs I feel I feel the love you know.
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Yeah it's a verb you gotta do things flirt with each other you know Give those
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little touches when they're not normal.
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Yeah, those little touches when they're not normal. And then back to science, right?
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The Mayo Clinic says that if we exercise together and eat well together and
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build stronger bodies, that we will have better sex.
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And yeah, that scans, right? If you're physically fit, you're going to have,
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better or at least healthy sex.
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And what's the reward? Well, again, we know what the reward is.
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But as you get older, that reward's a little different.
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It's that connection that continually strengthens and gets a little deeper and a little deeper.
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I mean, especially for, I can speak for me and my wife and I.
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We've known each other since 1987.
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And for some of you, I mean, that's a long time. You're like,
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oh, my God, that's insane.
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I said we've known each other. We dated for a long time. But we've been married nearly.
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Will this year be 30 years? Yep. September, 30 years.
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So you've got history, right?
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We've got, and look, there's been some hard-fought, downtime there, some battles.
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Mostly my fault, certainly, but there's been near misses.
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There's been, yeah, there's been a lot of stuff, and we fought through it.
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And so after all of those ups and downs,
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and you can still rediscover each other sexually and touch each other in very
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special ways, it's just,
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again, an affirmation, a confirmation that you guys chose. You chose well.
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Yeah, you chose well.
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If if you're a woman and the thought of having sex with your husband makes you
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sick to your stomach you you guys have not chosen well,
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that's something you might be able to overcome but like how did you get to that
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point and if you are at that point I mean oh my god,
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so yeah love is a verb make the efforts take the actions do the extra little
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things it don't have to cost a lot of.
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All,
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sometimes that might be a good thing.
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I don't know. It depends on your lifestyle, I guess, but make,
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make the effort and do the little, the little verbs, do them.
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So what's another good thing about a well-seasoned marriage is that eventually,
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man, you know, even when you're young and full of lust and curiosity and exploration,
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there's still inhibitions, right?
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You don't know how far or how far to or not to go. You don't know,
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well, is she going to like this? I don't know. I'm scared, blah,
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blah, blah. And then as a female, you don't. Yeah, I don't.
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Well, no, I'm not going to tell a story, but...
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What I'm saying is, as the years go by, by now,
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you should have been or you should be able to drop all these inhibitions and
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these little hang-ups and these little,
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sort of irrational fears or nervousness about sexual things.
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Because what you should know by now is that every little blemish,
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or every little mole or scar or wrinkle or birthmark.
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It's not even a flaw.
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It's what makes you uniquely you.
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They're not flaws at all. They are what makes you you.
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And us real humans, I find those flaws very attractive.
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What I don't find attractive is what you see on, on TV and social medias and things with all the,
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the Brazilian butt lifts and the fake this and the skin and the tans and the,
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and the faces and the lips.
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None of that is attractive at all. And I'm not just giving that lip service.
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I'm saying it's, it's, it's unattractive. It's unappealing.
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I made a comment today. A guy, me and a guy went back and forth on a little
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comment about AI fatigue.
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Well, artificial intelligence, the way people are getting sick of that.
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Well, that's artificial.
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What is it? What are we calling it? Artificial beauty or something.
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I fatigued out on that straight away, like in the 80s even.
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So the inhibitions should not really have that deep of an effect on you anymore.
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It's just, there's just no need. It's just too much energy to put into that. You are who you are.
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And by the age of 50 or above, you should,
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live it, love it, own it, right? The imperfections are what make you perfectly you.
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So being comfortable in that and that your spouse is comfortable in that should
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be a warm little safe haven,
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warm little safe space that you too should be able to unleash all of any of
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your wants and needs and desires you want without any worry of other little hangups.
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Now, yeah, when you were young, you.
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Know, how awkward was sex when you were young, you know? Yeah.
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Well, sex after 50 allows you to, yeah, 100% go all in. Be as naughty as you want.
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Be as impassioned as you want. Be as overwhelmed, full of pleasure.
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Grunt like a caveman, whatever. it's all there for you to do.
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And your spouse is either going to giggle at it.
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It's going to turn her on or whatever.
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It's you two being you two. And when you give yourself one fully knowing what
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you want, and then you give yourself fully to your spouse,
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you give yourself not so that you can get off.
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It's not so that you can get,
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go to sleep. No, you give yourself to your spouse with full intentions of giving
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the most pleasure you can give away.
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Yeah, give that pleasure away.
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And then you'll get it back in tenfold.
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But you give it away. And then you too, whatever, you can fight for who's giving who the most.
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Right don't be selfish don't be a selfish lover with the woman in your life
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that the your till death do us part don't don't be selfish.
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Anybody can anybody can masturbate and come that that's not the that's not the
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conclusion that's not it. That's not what we're going for when we make love.
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So give one without expectation. And then what you get in return will just be,
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way more than you imagined.
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I suspect, these are things I suspect.
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Oh my God. Yeah.
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And then bask in each other's pleasure. yeah bathe yourself in each other's pleasure,
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and at this at this age right,
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at the comfort zone that you should be in with yourself never mind your spouse,
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and and it's a safe space that you've you guys have created over the years,
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like now even when you got the sexy music on and the candles on and whatnot,
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and you climb into bed and you hear bones creaking and and you guys can giggle
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and and drive on you know what i mean,
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or when you're you know,
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when you're sweating it out and you're mid-stroke and then you get that cramp in your foot i.
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Just work the cramp out and take a minute and then get back to it.
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It's not going to kill the mood. Maybe when you're a teenager or 20.
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But, yeah, man, just laugh it off. You guys can do that. You've earned that,
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for one. You've earned that.
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But you shouldn't have any old emotional scars or sexual stigmas hanging around.
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You know what I mean? Get rid of them. There's no need.
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Now, look, I'm not telling you to go out and be porn stars and start swinging and all that.
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I'm saying with each other in the comfort of your bedroom or living room or
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by the pool, do what you two feels good for you two. Yeah.
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All those old, old stigmas and hangups, they can disappear if you allow them.
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Just say, okay, be gone, and they will be gone.
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I know coming up as children, especially with the religious stigma attached to sex, it's all dirty.
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And they don't tell you that it's not dirty. It's just before marriage,
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right? Oh, no sex before marriage and all those things.
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And I'm not going to get in the church, you know, doctrine and policy about that kind of thing, but.
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And I'm not saying, well, I'm not saying anything about it.
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I'm saying you can be stigmatized as a youth to look at sex as something that's
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ugly and maybe even evil, and it's not. It's just not.
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At this age, you can be free of that shit.
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And how can we be free of all that? How? Well, obviously, being open and honest with each other.
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But what do you need to be honest with someone? What has to come before that?
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Trust. Yes. It's you have to trust each other that you won't be belittled or,
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you won't be thought of as a pervert or whatever, or you won't be.
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Yeah, you have to have a trust that you can say the things you want to say.
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I'm sure there's some lines to be drawn out there, folks. There's a lot of weird
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shit out there. But, yeah, if you trust your spouse enough to be honest, then be honest. Yeah.
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That's the foundation that precedes the really just mind-blowing amazing lovemaking.
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Because as we're older, you know.
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Our bodies form like an insurgency against us, man. They're working against
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us, all the bits and pieces, especially the hormones and stuff.
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So, yeah.
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And a woman, my wife, for example, I mean, she's got some kind of unregulated
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hormones a little bit and...
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Things happen, right? So you can address, some of these things can be medically
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addressed, like safely medically addressed, not crazy shit.
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And yes, lifestyle, right? Food and the things you intake. But sometimes still
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even you need a little medical boost. And that's fine.
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You know, for guys, what's the number one thing? Low testosterone.
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Then you can't get an erection.
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Or you get an erection, but it's not very intense or don't last very long.
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And then that causes all sorts of anxiety. Oh, my God.
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So, and then what about women? Well, they stop producing, they get vaginal dryness
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or something, and all the flowy juices stop flowing, you know.
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Whether they're turned on or not,
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it's just the hormones aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing.
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So, that stuff happens and that puts a lot of pressure on people.
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Got to fight through that pressure. That's, that's, that's the part of,
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I'm saying, Hey, we're over 50, nothing mattered. We should be able to do what we want.
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Yeah. But even then, there might be a little performance anxiety still,
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like you still want to please your woman.
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So there's a sort of a passive trust that, that we're just not going to be judged. You know what I mean?
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And then there's like an act of trust and that is the ability for you to come
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out and say what turns you on.
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Yeah, that's it. If you can look your wife in butt naked in the middle of the
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night, you know, baby, please squeeze it. Please do this. Baby, please do that.
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Or your wife, baby, please put your mouth on. Yeah. Please tuck.
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I want this. I want that. You don't have to be polite. Don't say,
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please tell them, whatever.
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But, or if something that you've been doing for the past 20 years is,
33:12
seems like it's routine, it's just not doing anymore. Say, Hey,
33:15
look, that feels good, but let's try this.
33:20
You got to have an active trust to be able to do that because nobody wants to
33:24
be looked at like a weirdo while you're out trying to get your groove on.
33:28
Nobody wants to be thought of or just, like, scratched a record.
33:35
What? What? No, nobody wants that.
33:39
Yeah. Tell your man and your woman what you want.
33:43
Baby, please go down on me. Yeah, do it.
33:48
I hate to keep going back to the Mayo Clinic, but they even say that open and
33:53
direct talk during sex prevents obstacles, right? That's like a...
34:02
Strike and somebody's been together for you know 20 30 years,
34:08
there shouldn't be any judgment anyway you know what i mean there shouldn't be any judgment anyway,
34:17
and if you guys plan a little little naughty night and you and you everybody
34:22
starts yawning pretty early and you still want to you fight through it and you,
34:26
get naked and get in bed and things just don't don't go down,
34:30
love on each other you can kiss yeah just touch try again tomorrow,
34:39
you don't you don't have to let that,
34:43
gnaw at your psyche if you can't perform or if there's neither one of you in
34:48
the mood you both wanted to be in the mood but you just can't you're,
34:53
you're mentally exhausted or whatever You don't have to let that gnaw at your psyche,
34:59
because worrying about it just makes it 10 times worse.
35:04
And it is completely possible, folks, to be intimate with your lover without,
35:11
penetration, without the release of bodily fluids.
35:17
Yeah, it's without oral sex even. And I'll say this.
35:25
Off and lay together on your side face to face close enough to where you can
35:31
feel their breath on your lips,
35:35
and just just rub your hand along the arm yeah that's it just a little gentle
35:43
kiss man that's some intimate shit right there.
35:48
It's magical or you can just talk dirty to each other Don't have to be for sex.
35:55
You can just be a little naughty. You got to use bad words either.
35:58
No need for crass language.
36:01
If you ever just come up and nestled your nose on your wife's neck and just,
36:05
breathed down and told her she smelled good, yeah, try it.
36:10
You're in the middle of the day. Call your wife up and say, you know,
36:15
tell you had a fantasy and tell her about it.
36:20
Yeah man that conversation itself becomes the foreplay whether you close the deal or not,
36:27
yeah man still foreplay is worth it just just stand alone,
36:32
so again i keep saying at this age you know why not why not explore why not,
36:40
open up your imagination a little bit yeah why not,
36:44
Both of you together, you know, let your imaginations...
36:50
Into your psyche, into your, your weekly rhythm, you know, and, and like, yeah.
36:56
And, and then surprise each other, you know, and do it as a form of a gift of
37:03
pleasure, not as a God dang task.
37:05
Yeah. Not as a task.
37:08
I keep, man, I know I keep going back to this Mayo Clinic stuff,
37:11
but yeah, I'll obviously add spice. There's a lot of things you can do, right?
37:17
The different positions or prolonged foreplay and, you know,
37:23
toys, the bunny rabbit and whatnot, and the various fantasies,
37:29
you know, who knows what.
37:30
There might be a lot of stuff. You might find that one thing that you guys have
37:34
never done before or tried before, and it's the thing. It's like, oh, this is fantastic.
37:39
There's a lot of stuff to – there's a lot of ways to spice things up, but –.
37:46
All that stuff, really. You can start with, like I said, the extended foreplay.
37:52
Just call your wife up in the middle of the day and tell her,
37:56
you know, when I come home, I want to eat you up.
38:01
And then physically, yeah, let the foreplay, you know, don't just dive in, man.
38:06
I think, I don't know how common it is. I haven't done any polling myself.
38:11
But if you're a man and you don't take your time to do a little exploration
38:14
and a little playful, yeah, well, exploration, right?
38:18
Touching the bits, all the bits.
38:21
Tasting all the bits.
38:23
Yeah, a little massage on, yeah, all the things.
38:27
Don't just jump in there and go to town.
38:32
I don't think a lot of women like that, I don't think.
38:36
Or giving each other massages. Everybody knows. Everybody knows.
38:40
If you're a married couple, a massage leads to sex. Everybody knows it.
38:46
Now you can have a you can have different you can have a night where you just
38:51
do the massage maybe a little sensual but you ain't gotta actually close the
38:55
deal right you ain't gotta just,
38:58
Massage. Yeah. Then, of course, yes.
39:05
Oral sex is magical. If you don't think so, you're missing out.
39:11
Yeah, you're missing out if you're not doing that with your spouse.
39:18
And not only do it with selflessness, right? Not only that, not only give without expectation.
39:27
But I mean, genuinely love and devour it. Take it in.
39:36
And then, yeah, you can experiment with positions. There's all kinds of stuff
39:40
for those of us with aging joints, right?
39:44
And this is one of my faves. What about spooning with your side,
39:49
right? And you enter from behind.
39:52
And you got your arm, one arm wrapped underneath her. You have another arm free
39:57
to roam, to squeeze the breasts or go down. Yeah.
40:04
Spooning. That's a good one. I like that one a lot, and that's a good.
40:09
Do you guys, now if you're a guy, and I welcome your feedback on this.
40:15
If you're a guy, is morning time the right time?
40:19
Do you still wake up with an erection? No.
40:25
I do.
40:28
But as a woman, I think you're like, oh, no, we got morning breath.
40:31
Oh, I need to take a shower. This and that and the other.
40:36
Look, man, in my opinion, morning time is the right time. In my opinion.
40:44
Yeah, that's good. That's good. And then, you know, you can use the wedges or
40:51
the pillows and, you know, to kind of get yourself at advantageous angles.
40:55
So as not to hurt yourself.
41:00
Missionary position works real nice yes even if you have a little pillow under
41:05
the lower back there yeah works good,
41:09
toys you know various toys if you're into that kind of stuff a little well you
41:14
know a little clitoral vibration while you're inside probably creates a pretty
41:21
strong orgasm Yeah, probably.
41:25
A lot of, well, polls. A lot of polls say that women say that that's a game changer, really.
41:32
And then especially in our older years here, lube. That, you should, yeah.
41:39
Especially, it takes care of like post-menopausal, right? That takes care of
41:45
all the dryness and all that stuff.
41:47
And it makes it slide smooth and everything's nice. This lube is,
41:52
I think, pretty critical for older couples post-menopause. I think so.
41:59
Yeah. Yeah, like I said, talk naughty to each other once in a while.
42:03
Just a little whisper here and there. Nothing crazy.
42:06
You got to be Mae West or anything.
42:09
There's a buildup that you can do. If you do this deliberately,
42:15
you can see the buildup. You can see it happen.
42:19
And I tell you one thing.
42:21
When you're in the throes of lovemaking and if you're a woman and you tell your
42:27
husband that you love watching him slide into her to you. Oh my God.
42:34
That might end it right there actually. Yeah.
42:40
Now I'm not sure, you know, if women respond to.
42:48
It depends on how gaudy and how, how naughty the talk is. But so I'm not sure,
42:55
but I know that men, yeah, they'll respond. Yeah.
43:01
What's something else? Now, look, we're going out a little far here and I know
43:06
this is unusual for this podcast, but am I trying to be a self-help guru?
43:12
A little bit, but I've never made it a mystery that I'm a sexual dude.
43:19
I think these things are important, even in our advanced years here,
43:24
because I'm by no means old.
43:28
But consider, if you've never done this, yeah, try mutual masturbation.
43:35
Now, some of you out there, I imagine some of you Christians out there,
43:40
I imagine, I'm not sure, the thought of mutual masturbation is probably...
43:48
Are. But if you, well, yeah, if you go side by side and put a hand on each other
43:55
and then, and do that and you have your eyes locked in on you,
43:59
that's good. That's hot.
44:01
But if you lay down opposite of each other where your legs kind of crossed over
44:08
in the middle and one hand, your hand that you're masturbating with can feel
44:14
her hand that she's masturbating with.
44:16
Oh my God, it's insane.
44:20
And it's awesome and it's hot and it's crazy.
44:24
And what's wrong? What's wrong with it? Yeah, what's wrong with it?
44:32
Yeah, I say nothing. I say nothing's wrong with it. Now, if you are from some
44:37
religious denomination that believes that any seed spilt out of,
44:46
not into the vagina is somehow evil act, I don't know. I'm not hip to that one.
44:53
I don't know about that one.
44:57
And maybe that's a thing for you. I don't know. But...
45:03
Average guy and woman, yeah, give it a try. Mutual masturbation is super hot.
45:11
Or what's another way to spice things up? Have one night that's just dedicated to one of you.
45:18
It's all about you tonight. It's all about your pleasure. I do what you say do the way you say do it.
45:27
Yeah. and trade off every now and again.
45:30
You give pleasure without expectation of anything in return,
45:34
and you just focus and worship her body.
45:39
Yeah. What's another way to spice things up? Well, yeah, different locations,
45:45
right? And I say different locations. Don't go out in public.
45:50
I'm saying like probably 90% of you have sex in your bed and only in your bed,
45:57
and never anywhere but your bed well go throw down on the living room couch.
46:04
Go throw down on the kitchen island yeah i mean clean up afterwards but like
46:08
yeah go throw down hey naked by the pool yeah nothing wrong with it nothing
46:15
wrong with it why should there be,
46:18
what about another thing now look we did i did a podcast on pornography And
46:23
I came out about probably middle of the road of it and probably upset a few maybe Christian types.
46:29
But what about erotic literature?
46:32
Is that the same as pornography?
46:36
Can we do erotic literature? Well, I tell you this.
46:41
Reading erotic literature to your spouse while your spouse listens,
46:49
and does other things It's friggin hot Yeah It's hot Now that implies that you
46:56
know how to read So You know So,
47:01
things. I mean, I'm giving a lot of like, and this is nothing new.
47:05
Look, if you're, I'm talking to over 50 people right now, right?
47:09
If you're between 50 and probably 60, I don't know, 62, you know,
47:16
maybe you remember Dr. Ruth, Dr. Ruth Westheimer.
47:23
She was on Westwood one radio and on And, like, I want to say either Friday
47:30
or Saturday night, somewhere around 10 o'clock, she would have her show, Dr.
47:37
Ruth. And then it was a call-in show, radio, talk radio show.
47:41
And she would give sex advice and people would call in with all sorts of problems
47:45
and all sorts of questions or all sorts of, oh, Dr.
47:49
Ruth, how can this and how can I do that? And how should I breach this subject?
47:55
Or, you know, my husband, he only wants to do it from behind.
48:01
What can I, you know, et cetera, et cetera.
48:03
And Dr. Ruth, who, if you ever saw her, she was like five foot three.
48:10
Maybe even shorter than that.
48:12
And she wore like these little, you know, business suits. And I want to say she was German.
48:20
And she had the funniest little German accent. and she was very matter-of-factly,
48:26
about the way she delivered the thing.
48:30
The information, you know, and she didn't mince words either. So Dr. Ruth. Yeah.
48:38
Anyway, I feel like I'm, I'm trying to, I want to be Dr.
48:41
Ruth here. I want to, I want to help people fully enjoy and appreciate their
48:48
long-term marriages because here's the news folks, people in our age range,
48:53
if you're still married after, after, you know, well, 10, 20,
48:57
30 years, I mean, you're probably a fairly rare statistic.
49:04
Divorce, you know, over the past 20 or 30 years, man, I mean,
49:10
I'm a product of divorce. My wife's a product of divorce.
49:13
Hell, well, my grandmother, for that matter, was divorced a bunch of times.
49:17
But like, it became a normal thing. And I don't think that's biblical,
49:22
you know, I don't think that's biblical.
49:25
So, yeah, if you're going to go all in and you're going to be married till death,
49:30
then why not enjoy each other to the fullest too, right?
49:34
We have to be partners in all other things.
49:37
You know, raising our kids, it's a partnership, man.
49:41
And even surviving in the modern economy is sort of a partnership, right? We need help.
49:48
Slack needs to be picked up somewhere so that we We can, yeah,
49:52
slack needs to be picked up somewhere.
49:55
And we have to have a partner to do that.
49:57
So if we're partners in all things, why not? Why not enjoy our sex lives as,
50:05
fully and deeply as we can?
50:10
Yeah, that's where I'm at on that.
50:14
I want to say here that's, yeah, every act, every sex act between you two, to me, is ordained.
50:25
And it should be playful, well, or sensual. It should be respectful.
50:31
It can be animalistic and still be respectful. Yeah.
50:42
Yeah, it can be animalistic I have made funny noises at times,
50:47
Because you have a history You have a mutual respect for one another already,
50:52
I would hope If you're married for multiple decades There is a mutual respect there At some level,
50:59
And every act though And every sexual act though ordained Must be consensual, correct?
51:05
So here's the question Does your wife I'm asking this to the men out there Does
51:11
your wife have a right to refuse and to say no on any given thing?
51:17
I mean, after all, she is your wife.
51:20
You two do have a responsibility to each other.
51:24
Yes. The answer is yes. Your wife has every right to say no.
51:33
That's it and that's all. She has every right to say no.
51:37
Every act, every sexual act still must be consensual.
51:42
And that's not wokeness. That's not anything. That's just basic human respect.
51:47
Because I have known people in the past where the dude was a bit of an a-hole,
51:54
and he demanded sex from his wife whenever he wanted it and,
52:01
be damn warming her up or foreplay or anything else.
52:05
And come home manhandle her around do the business and it caused her pain it
52:11
will start you can't you know you can yeah anyway well i go so far as to call
52:17
it rape probably yeah probably,
52:21
it's a it's it's a it's a two-player sport.
52:28
Enjoying it, then what's the point? It's no fun anymore. Yeah.
52:33
If you're doing it for yourself, just go jack off.
52:37
You do it to give the pleasure, not to receive the pleasure.
52:41
Sex is not for you to use as a control mechanism or to wield power.
52:52
If you do that, you are wrong. If you do that, you are dead wrong.
52:57
And I welcome your debate. cherish, cherish, cherish your woman,
53:02
cherish her and cherish her sex.
53:06
All right. I do. If you're out there and you do believe that and think that,
53:10
I mean, I, again, I do welcome your debate and I mean, debate,
53:15
not some bullshit quip on social media. Right. All right.
53:21
I didn't mean to go dark on that. You know, you guys know I got to go dark sometimes,
53:24
you know, on there, But no, I just wanted to point that out.
53:29
Sex between a man and woman is a gift to be cherished, to be treated with some,
53:36
well, reverence even. All right.
53:41
We have to adapt. We always have to adapt, folks. As we get older,
53:45
especially, then the more we have to adapt.
53:48
Our bodies change. Yeah, our bodies change.
53:52
So for women, what is it? Menopause. Yeah. And that causes vaginal dryness. It might lower libido.
54:00
It might even cause depression.
54:03
So yeah, we use lubrication. We use vaginal moisturizers.
54:08
We do a little longer foreplay. We get in there and get it warmed up.
54:13
Women can get on estrogen and use estrogen cream or a patch or whatever.
54:18
And for dudes, what is it? Erections, right?
54:22
They're harder to get an erection. They're less intense erections,
54:26
and then they don't last as long.
54:28
It might be testosterone. It might be other things.
54:32
So, you know, if it's just testosterone, go get your numbers checked and get on that shot.
54:38
I'm on that shot. I got to get the shot. If it is proper erectile,
54:44
not just testosterone, but erectile dysfunction, go get on that pill, man.
54:49
Get on the blue, you know, like the Viagra or Cialis.
54:54
And then there's, you know, there's like over-the-counter ones too,
54:56
I think. But yeah, man, just, if you're over 50, your doc will like,
55:01
hey, doc, I want to make love to my wife. I have a problem.
55:06
He'll help you out probably. Yeah. So get the shot. Get the pills.
55:10
There ain't no shame in it.
55:11
I don't think there's any shame in it. If you do, tell me. Tell me you think there's shame in it.
55:16
Yeah, man. Beyond that, you know, just focus on that intimate connection together.
55:21
Just be in the moment together, you know?
55:24
A little touching, a little kissing, a little smelling, a little nuzzle.
55:28
Nuzzle up into that armpit. Nuzzle up into the neck.
55:33
Nuzzle in between her legs. Yeah, nuzzle.
55:37
Touch each other skin to skin. That's freaking awesome. Yeah, so...
55:43
Works. And I don't mean make a formula out of it, but find what works and then
55:48
experiment with what works and experiment with what doesn't.
55:51
Hell, half the time the experimentation is as fun as the act itself.
55:58
Yeah. And then celebrate each other for each other.
56:03
And again, back to the studies. Couples who communicate these things with each other last longer. Yep.
56:11
Couples who express these things openly together and who have the trust to talk
56:19
to each other in this way, they, one, stay sexually satisfied longer,
56:24
but stay happier together longer.
56:27
So yeah, folks, you both deserve it.
56:31
Now, I'm weary about saying people deserve things, but if you're a couple,
56:36
30 years into it, 20, 30 years into it, you deserve it.
56:41
You deserve to have that pleasure with each other.
56:44
Yeah, you deserve to have that pleasure with each other. It's an intrinsic part
56:47
of your relationship, right?
56:50
You've had sex at some point. That was a part of the, well, maybe not the courting
56:54
process, but the young love process once you were married.
56:57
You eventually had kids, right?
57:00
Sex isn't just a thing for the young.
57:05
Why should the young only have that?
57:10
Yeah, it's not some far-off echo of your youth either.
57:14
No, no, no. It is a bold and loud and rowdy...
57:21
Well, it's an homage.
57:25
It's a love song that...
57:31
A loud love song, a rock song, right? Because you've been together that long.
57:37
You deserve it to be loud.
57:40
And it sings about your hard earned love. That's what that rock song is.
57:44
It's not some whisper of a younger, younger years.
57:48
You can be just as bold now. So, so get rid of the inhibitions.
57:54
If you have any with each other, you should not.
57:57
But declare out loud your desires with each other, however weird they may be.
58:04
There's nothing weird between a married couple in the bed. I stand by it.
58:10
Yeah. And then dive in, man. The naughty pleasures. Be naughty.
58:14
Be naughty with each other.
58:15
Be naughty with the person who knows you better than any other person on this planet. Yeah.
58:21
Daily slog still is the daily slog, right? It's still coming.
58:26
It happens every day. We work.
58:28
We fight through problems.
58:31
We deal with people, et cetera, et cetera. It's the same.
58:34
But you, all of you, all of us who are married and have been, we have a remedy at home.
58:42
Yeah, a natural remedy. Yeah.
58:46
So when you get home from work after listening to this, yeah,
58:50
look at your spouse right in the eyeballs and say, Hey, I want,
58:55
I want you tonight. I want all of you.
59:00
Yeah. Give your spouse a call at lunchtime and tell them you can't wait to taste them when you get home.
59:10
Yeah. Try something new once a week. Make it a, make, make it a thing to try
59:15
something new once, well, once every two weeks. Yeah. Whatever.
59:19
Put your imaginations together to work, you know, you're like,
59:22
well, What can we explore? What should we explore?
59:29
Because, look, the fire is yours to keep burning.
59:35
It's easier to fuel the fire a little bit every week than it is to have to rebuild
59:41
the fire every few months.
59:45
Keep the fire burning. Every now and then put a little extra fuel in there, but keep it burning.
59:51
Keep it burning because when it goes out, it's a pain in the ass.
59:55
You got to start from scratch.
59:58
Why do that to yourself?
1:00:00
All right, good people. That's what I got today. That's what I wanted to talk
1:00:04
about. Because I think it's not addressed very much.
1:00:12
And it ought to be. Well, especially in the Christian space, man. Especially.
1:00:16
But never mind the Christian space. Like just adults, you know,
1:00:22
should address it together.
1:00:25
Sex is good. Making love to your spouse is good. It feels good.
1:00:31
And there's nothing wrong with it. And again, I tell you. Now,
1:00:35
the scriptures I quoted, I mean, if you want to go that way,
1:00:39
it was Proverbs 5, 18-19, or 18-19.
1:00:44
And then 1 Corinthians 7, excuse me, verse 3-5.
1:00:52
And that was the NIV. I don't know what version you read from.
1:00:55
And then the Song of Solomon.
1:00:57
So, and then you guys can do your own contextual build out on that if you want.
1:01:02
I thought it was helpful to add those. It was helpful for me to add, to, to add those.
1:01:08
So yeah, that's what I got folks.
1:01:12
Enjoy each other to the fullest. Golly, enjoy them. Enjoy each other.
1:01:17
Enjoy each other. Yes. Okay. What's,
1:01:22
WSolutions.com. Please go check it out. We got some stuff still.
1:01:27
We got a Libertarian Party of Georgia this Saturday, the 13th.
1:01:35
We have a pistol workshop this Sunday, the 14th. Then the following weekend,
1:01:40
the following Saturday, we have the Sons of Liberty two-gun match. It's going to be fun.
1:01:48
And yes, June 20th, we have armed self-defense force on force.
1:01:58
And that is not full, but it's about to be. So if you think you're interested
1:02:02
in doing some, it's like everyday carrier realistic scenarios,
1:02:06
but yeah, there will be blue guns and there will be immediate feedback to poor decisions,
1:02:12
but there's a lot of problem solving going on and yeah, armed self-defense, check it out.
1:02:17
It's up on the website. Everything's up on OspreyShootersolutions.com on the main page.
1:02:22
Just scroll down and then go ahead and please follow and listen to two team
1:02:27
guys or check out two teamguys.com and thejuntopodcast.com.
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1:02:41
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1:02:49
And the current version, yeah, it's artificial intelligence,
1:02:55
but I did the original art and then ran it through that. But yeah,
1:02:59
some people like the original logo, some like the new one.
1:03:02
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1:03:06
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1:03:15
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1:03:25
Okay. Good people. Thank you so much for listening to this. Please take this
1:03:29
all with an open mind and please send me your feedback. Cause I would love to hear it.
1:03:34
I appreciate each and every one of you take care.