Latest / Eight Arms: Developing the craft of working with groups / #2 Tool: Four quick steps for when something throws you

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#2 Tool: Four quick steps for when something throws you · Eight Arms: Developing the craft of working with groups

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is a toolbox episode, so it's straight to the practical bit.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Four things to help you stay steady when something throws you mid-session.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Tom Cleary and this is Eight Arms,
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: practical episodes on developing the craft of working with groups.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you work with groups and care about doing it well and staying well,
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: you're in the right place.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, when something is throwing you in a session, part one is Notice it and name it to yourself.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: A quiet thought in your head, for example, okay, this is a moment where I am wobbling right now.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or separating the thought from the experience.
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  SPEAKER_00: So rather than, oh,
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  SPEAKER_00: it's all going wrong,
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm noticing that I'm having the thought it's all going wrong.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: That small step back is where your choices come from.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Two, buy yourself some breathing space.
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  SPEAKER_00: With your body,
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  SPEAKER_00: connecting physically,
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  SPEAKER_00: so whether it's maybe squeezing the desk in front of you or pushing heels down to
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: the floor, whatever you're able to do.
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  SPEAKER_00: And with your words,
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  SPEAKER_00: a go-to phrase you've rehearsed, like, that's a really interesting question.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Can you say a bit more about what's behind it?
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  SPEAKER_00: Or, wow, let me just take a moment to think about that.
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  SPEAKER_00: Or, let's pause there.
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  SPEAKER_00: Take a few minutes with the person next to you to explore what's just been said.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: 3.
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  SPEAKER_00: Get curious and try a different frame.
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  SPEAKER_00: Swap the story for a question.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not, this person's been difficult, but what might they need?
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  SPEAKER_00: Not, I've lost them, but could the quiet mean they're thinking?
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  SPEAKER_00: 4.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Try something small and see what happens.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Ask a question, pause, change the activity, or name what you're noticing.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I'm aware the energy in the room has dipped.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on for you at the moment?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Then listen and adjust.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And see it as an experiment, not a test.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Take the pressure off yourself.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And afterwards, take a moment to think about what threw me?
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  SPEAKER_00: What did I do?
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  SPEAKER_00: And what might I try next time?
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  SPEAKER_00: Before your next session,
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  SPEAKER_00: Choose your go-to phrase,
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  SPEAKER_00: maybe write it down somewhere and practice it out loud a few times.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to know why these work and explore in a bit more detail,
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: the deep dive episode on these is the episode before this one.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to know if it works for you, how you found it, any questions, please do get in touch.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Take care and see you next time.
• 2:40
  [music]