Latest / DA CREW Podcast / SEASON2 EPISODE_129_DA CREW PODCAST_HOST LATONYA M LITTLEJOHN

Transcript

SEASON2 EPISODE_129_DA CREW PODCAST_HOST LATONYA M LITTLEJOHN · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Hey, Welcome, Hey, Hore, and welcome to another episode of
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: the Proof Podcast.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: I am your visionary Queen Angela.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: And if you are a diva that's looking to amplify
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: your voice and you're looking for a whole, we have
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: faith for you. Come on over and join them.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Diva up yeahway and amplify your nursing. Nursing me.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: All things ain't one things to stupid? Where has it?
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: All the blue.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Sky's but boys the blue from the north?
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Something well persons.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: All things and.
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: At Wings of Transformation Publishing, we are committed to helping
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: our authors reach their goals. At Wings of Transformation Publishing,
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: we are committed to helping our authors reach their goals
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: and pursue their dreams of becoming published authors. We work
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: closely with each author to ensure a successful publishing experience,
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: and we are dedicated to helping them tell their stories
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: in the most meaningful and impactful ways. We look forward
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: to putting you on the path to writing your book.
• 1:52
  Speaker 5: Dropping in September, book to Footprint in the Sands of Time,
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: a three book series. The Legacy chronicles the journey through
• 1:59
  Speaker 5: time and tnity.
• 2:16
  Speaker 6: Today night to night, every second Monday at four Friday
• 2:20
  Speaker 6: of each month.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: This s that you don't want to miss.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: Every body of Mandayday.
• 3:16
  Speaker 7: I'm sorry. Good evening, y'all.
• 3:19
  Speaker 8: Welcome to another episode of Delay, but not to not
• 3:22
  Speaker 8: the podcast. Tonight, we will be diving into a discussion
• 3:27
  Speaker 8: about divorce.
• 3:29
  Speaker 7: But before we get started, I would like to go
• 3:32
  Speaker 7: to God in prayer. Heavenly Father will come to you
• 3:35
  Speaker 7: right now asking you to be in the midst of
• 3:37
  Speaker 7: the conversations. Let the information go where it needs to
• 3:43
  Speaker 7: go and be received in the way that it needs
• 3:45
  Speaker 7: to be received. We ask these and all other blessings
• 3:48
  Speaker 7: in Jesus' name. We pray Man. Before I get started,
• 3:52
  Speaker 7: I would also like to share.
• 3:54
  Speaker 8: With you the marriage rate of white couples is thirty
• 3:59
  Speaker 8: one point one percent. In African American couples, they have
• 4:04
  Speaker 8: a divorce rate of thirty point eight percent and their
• 4:07
  Speaker 8: marriage rate is around seventeen point three percent. Hispanic couples
• 4:13
  Speaker 8: have a divorce rate of eighteen point five and their
• 4:17
  Speaker 8: marriage rate is thirty three.
• 4:19
  Speaker 7: Point two percent.
• 4:21
  Speaker 8: So we're just talking about divorce and what why marriages
• 4:29
  Speaker 8: aren't lasting as long as they did back when our
• 4:34
  Speaker 8: parents and grandparents were married. Tonight, I have my friends
• 4:38
  Speaker 8: with me, Miss Patrice and Miss Travida, if you would
• 4:42
  Speaker 8: come on up.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: Hey, lady, Hey, how are you?
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: I am good? How are you here?
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: I'm here? How are you Traveda?
• 5:00
  Speaker 5: I'm good? How about yourself?
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: I'm here?
• 5:04
  Speaker 8: So listen, ladies, we are discussing divorce and I know
• 5:11
  Speaker 8: that you both have gone through that. I am currently separated,
• 5:17
  Speaker 8: has been separated for a month and two days.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: I do believe, and.
• 5:27
  Speaker 8: I'm I'm here to learn. So whatever information you can share,
• 5:33
  Speaker 8: and keep in mind, we are in the state of
• 5:35
  Speaker 8: South Carolina, so what looks like what it looks like
• 5:39
  Speaker 8: for us is about possibly probably going to look like
• 5:43
  Speaker 8: that for others.
• 5:44
  Speaker 7: So ladies, y'all have the floor.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Whatever.
• 5:48
  Speaker 8: Well, first of all, introduce yourselves. You being You're about
• 5:56
  Speaker 8: to be petty, and I feel it in by spirit, but.
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: I'm not.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: She is.
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: Okay, listen, I am not about to be petty. I'm
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: just gonna be open, honest, and transparent. That's that's exactly
• 6:15
  Speaker 5: how I am. So y'all know that I know no
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: other way to be. I'm sorry. I can't even say
• 6:24
  Speaker 5: I'm sorry because I can't apologize for being who I am.
• 6:27
  Speaker 5: But for those of you who are tuning in tonight
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: and who do not know me. My name is Trevita Harris.
• 6:33
  Speaker 5: I am Latanian's best friend for over I don't know
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: we and our forty fifty so.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: At least thirty years.
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: So that long time. I'm very straightforward and I don't
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: know no other way to be. Goofy. I laugh in
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: the serious moments. I find the humor in whatever I'm
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: going through because at the end of the day, you're
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: not getting out of this life alive, so you need
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: to learn to laugh, even in the toughest times. So
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: that's just me right now. I'll tell you some more
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: stuff a little back later. PATRICEA is your turn out?
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Well, my name is Patrice soon to be back Grumbled.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: But everybody knows me as Patrice Grumble and I am
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: the host of Scie Book Galus and Friends. And I
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: know this topic well because I'm going through it and
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: I've already done it. So yeah, I'm gonna try not to,
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: but I'm gonna tell you straight up and honest what
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: And yeah, I mean, divorce itself is marriage. Let's let's
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: just start there. Marriage itself is hard, and I don't
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: think people understand that when you say I do that,
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: that's not the finale of anything. It's the beginning of everything.
• 8:06
  Speaker 5: But everybody consistently dream, oh, well, I'm ready to get married.
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: I'm ready to get married. But what happens after you
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: say I do is where your marriage truly begins. It
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: doesn't matter how many years you've been together before you
• 8:21
  Speaker 5: say I do. The work really begins when you get married,
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: and it's a forever thing. But nobody considers forever till
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: death do us part. I think people hear those words
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: and it's become so cliche because it's in the storylines,
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: it's in the movies Till death do us Part, and
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: some people literally take that to the heart. You can't
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: leave me until you die.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: And unfortunately, some people want to believe that that's true.
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: And some people look at marriage, Okay, once I have
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: this piece of paper, you're my piece of property. And
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: that's not the case either. You're still two individuals who
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: are learning each other, and you're not going to be
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: the same every day. You're still evolving, you're still learning.
• 9:15
  Speaker 5: All of these things come into play. But I think
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: it's been romanticized. Marriage has been romanticized in movies and
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: books and things of that nature, and nobody really wants
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: to do the hard work. They want the fabulous fairy
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: tale and it's not. Marriage is not a fairy tale
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: at all. It is going from it.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: And then even with that, it's the reason why you're
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: getting married. And I will say my first one is
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: because we both wanted to be parents. We didn't want
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: our child to have that broken home, and we worked
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: through it, you know. But the thing was, you would think,
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: would his family be heavy in the ministry and my
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: family being heavy in the ministry, that it'd go like
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: this girl. It was a way from that. Oh yeah.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Then in my second marriage, just like Trita, this said
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: people change. I didn't think that he would change, but
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: he more met There was that mighty morphin power, ranger
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: that a whole three sixty in front of my face.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Now I saw signs, but I ignored it because I
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: was still in that ten year old fairy tale love.
• 10:39
  Speaker 8: Yeah, but he for me, I married a person that
• 10:49
  Speaker 8: I met as a child, and as a child I
• 10:53
  Speaker 8: told him we were gonna get married. He's five years
• 10:57
  Speaker 8: older than me, so of course he's not entertaining any
• 11:00
  Speaker 8: of that. But when he met me again as an adult.
• 11:05
  Speaker 8: You know, things change, and we met under false pretenses.
• 11:13
  Speaker 8: It was still back and forth in a situation, and
• 11:19
  Speaker 8: I played along with it like I played my position,
• 11:22
  Speaker 8: like I was in a position of feeling like, Okay, well,
• 11:26
  Speaker 8: if I do this, he's gonna choose me, and if
• 11:29
  Speaker 8: I do this, it's gonna work out. And then he proposed,
• 11:33
  Speaker 8: and then we got married. I do remember my dad
• 11:38
  Speaker 8: telling him that you can't love her for her. I
• 11:44
  Speaker 8: do leave her here m I lost my dad in
• 11:50
  Speaker 8: two thousand. That even more now brings out more than anything,
• 11:57
  Speaker 8: because I feel like we let him down. I am
• 12:02
  Speaker 8: a person that deals with abandonment es. So I've been
• 12:07
  Speaker 8: married for twenty two years, and everything that God has
• 12:14
  Speaker 8: shown me that I should have left was shown to
• 12:18
  Speaker 8: me around.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Year one, and I.
• 12:23
  Speaker 8: Kept staying because I'm like, Okay, if he loves me
• 12:26
  Speaker 8: like he said he loved me, things change or get better.
• 12:29
  Speaker 8: And then has changed, and so here we are. Did
• 12:36
  Speaker 8: I ever see this happening? I absolutely did. God has
• 12:40
  Speaker 8: been on me that that is not what he put together.
• 12:45
  Speaker 8: And you know, I've had a conversation with my pastor
• 12:49
  Speaker 8: and about being equally yoked and you know sometimes you
• 12:55
  Speaker 8: know people always saying, you know what God put together,
• 12:58
  Speaker 8: let asunder, Well we put us together. God did not
• 13:03
  Speaker 8: ted us to be together. You know, he that finds
• 13:08
  Speaker 8: a wife and he didn't find me. It happened how
• 13:14
  Speaker 8: it happened, and you know, as you know, accountability just
• 13:22
  Speaker 8: admitting to what it is.
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: You know, I'm gonna interrupt for just a minute. It's
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: one of those things where you know, when you met him,
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: it was you said he was in a situation. That
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: was your clear sign there, and it wasn't ever a situation.
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: It's always if it's a situation like that, it's a relationship.
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: You knew what role you were gonna play regardless, and
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: you ignored that and so you participated in that for
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: a long time. My situation with my my ex husband
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: is we got together when we were sixteen and seventeen
• 14:04
  Speaker 5: years old, and when we got together, I ended up,
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: I got pregnant with our daughter, and then he went
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: off to college. He didn't stay in college, but you know,
• 14:21
  Speaker 5: my decision to move in with him and live with
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: him for a year before we got married. Now, I
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: had my father who was basically one of those people
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: who believed in not shacking up until you're married. However,
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: this was the problem with that. My dad had lived
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: with my stepmom for twenty six years before he made
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: her a wife. And so you can't talk to me
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: about making me a wholesome woman when you had this
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: woman's string along for twenty six years before you made
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: her your wife. So, like I told him, don't preach
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: me a Bible verse when you haven't lived at yourself.
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: And so if I can't live with this man for
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: a year, then we can't get married. And the thing
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: of that was I didn't know what Brad was like
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: when he went home to his parents, and he didn't
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: know what I was like at home with my family.
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: So being able to go to bed with him and
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: wake up with him the next morning, I needed to
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: see that. And the first year, I will say things
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: were they were okay, They wasn't great, But like I said,
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: it's a learning experience, and you go through what you
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: go through. Because and as you said, Patrice, I didn't
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: want my kids to grow up in a broken home either,
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: and so I put in the work. We did things.
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: But by year five, it was a consistent thing of
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: me putting our family first and him still wanting to.
• 15:52
  Speaker 5: I guess you could say live the single life in
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: a sense of not being responsible. And it became an
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: argument over finances. It became an argument over responsibility of
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: who's going to do what for the kids. And also
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: it was I was dependent upon him because when we
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: first got married, I didn't have a driver's license. I
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: was twenty one years old. And it was partly I'm small.
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: I'm four eight. Let's just get that out of the way.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: I'm small.
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: I'm four eight. My family did not want me to drive,
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: and so it was like, okay, first off, you too little,
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: and so yeah, and so when I did get my license,
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: my father in law he was like, you know, that's
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: the ghost riding car because nobody ever sees her in
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: the car and they would be behind me, and so
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: it was bad. So nobody wanted me to drive. So
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: him and Brad and I had an argument, and so
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: we had an argument, and I got mad. I called
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: my aunt. I said, listen, I need to borrow your
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: car because I need to go to the DMV to
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: try for my license. Not the first time I try,
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: I failed because I had no idea what I was
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: supposed to be doing. Like, I didn't read the book.
• 17:05
  Speaker 5: I just knew what to do. And so the first
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: time I failed. The second time I went back and
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: the lady was like, you can't use your mirrors to
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: parallel park. And so I had to tell the lady.
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: I said, listen here, I am for age. I need
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: these mirrors. I can't see over the back part of
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: this seat, so I need the mirrors to, you know,
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: to parallel park. And she was like, well, you did
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: it fine the first time, because I had the same lady.
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: I said, that's because I used the mirrors. I said.
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: The thing about it is you're taller than me. I said,
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: I'm short. So I have to adjust to life itself,
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: I said, because things are made for average hype people.
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: Maybe I'm not an average hype I am four age,
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: so I have to adjust to what I can to
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: be able to do what I do. And so I said,
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna make a deal with you. If I don't
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: get this parallel parking on the first try, you then
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: you can fail me. If I get it, then you
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: have to pass me, I said, because otherwise I'm not
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: coming back. I said, because I have a husband who
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: does not want me to drive. Now with that being said,
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: I got my license. I went to drop my aunt's
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: car back off, and do you know the first thing
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: this man said to me, what's gonna happen to me?
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: I didn't get my license to make your life miserable.
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: I got my license to prepare this family for where
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: we needed to go. But he thought it was personal,
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: and so we went to visit his family and he
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: got into an argument with his sister because she was like,
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: be I'm so proud of you getting your license, you know,
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: Brad all upset about you getting your license, and he
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: started yelling and she was like, it's just because now
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: you will be able to catch him doing whatever he's doing.
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: And so he's mad, and I'm like, Okay, what are
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: you getting angry for? I said, because if I didn't
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: get my license to come and check in on you
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: or see what you're doing, I got it so that
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: you don't have to leave work to come and take
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: the kids and I to doctor's appointment, so you can
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: continue to do what you do. This is not a
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: personal attack, but obviously you're feeling some type of way,
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: I said, And there's no reason for you to be
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: getting mad at your sister for staking the obvious, because
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: if that's not the case, then there's no reason for
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: you to be mad. So needless to say, fast forward,
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: we get past that and we're doing everything that we're
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: supposed to be doing. Then it comes down to him
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: not paying the rent. These are the only bills he
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: was responsible for. It was the rent. He watched cable, y'all.
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: I'm still a very basic person who watches the Flintstones,
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: matt Lock and what else? Do I watch? Scooby Doo.
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: My TV right now in the living room is on
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: our matt Lock, So I mean that's all my things.
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: So he was responsible for the rent, cable. I'm listen,
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: that's just me. I don't got nothing else. When my
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: kids tell y'all, I'm lame, I really am. I ain't
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: got nothing else to give you. That's just it. And
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: what else something? And the gas bill. Those were the
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: main bills that he was responsible for. I took care
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: of the food, the lights, the water, all of that,
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: everything else, but the main bills, the heavier bills, were his.
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: He wasn't paying them. And I had to find out
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: through a phone call on Mother's Day that he hadn't
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: paid our rent for three months. Not only had he
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: not paid our rent for three months, he had not
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: paid our gas bill. Our gas had gotten turned off.
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: So I'm thinking, okay, well, maybe the tank is empty.
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: This is what our initial thought was, that the tank
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: was empty and we just needed them to come back
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: out and refill it because it was an older house
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: that we lived in, and you know, they don't come
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: out as often unless you know, tanks empty or there's
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: a pride her about two days, nobody's come out to
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: feel the tank. He's like, oh, well, because he worked
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: third shift, I was working first at the iplace. And
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: I'm like, okay, well did they come out today now?
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: They said they'll be out tomorrow. Something happened, so y'all.
• 21:15
  Speaker 5: This went on for like a week. But in the
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: midst of that, I find out that he's going to
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: his mama's house to take a shower. But I'm boiling
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: water for myself and my children to bathe every night.
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: And it's like, okay, you know what I'm done. I'm
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: not doing this no more now. Mindra his parents had
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: paid our rent, so everything's caught up again, so we're good.
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: We're moving off. I told him, if I hear myself
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: having the same argument with you again. I am done.
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: I'm not doing this. So I went I applied for
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: an apartment because I'm like I told you, I'm serious.
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: I'm not doing this no more. I'm showing you that
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: I'm about to leave. But I also, in the midst
• 21:56
  Speaker 5: of all of this, I told him I went to him,
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: and not everybody's going to do this. And this is
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: before it became a popular thing. The hall passed. Okay,
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: you know you've seen that movie. Now I went to
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: him because we have been together since we were sixteen
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: and seventeen years old. Now I can see that you're
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: struggling to tune into this family. So I go to
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: him and I say, listen, I see that you're having
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: a hard time. And if that's the case, if you
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: want to be free, you can go ahead and be free.
• 22:24
  Speaker 5: You go out there, do whatever you need to do.
• 22:26
  Speaker 5: But that's not for me to go do anything, because
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: I don't care. I don't have no desire to be
• 22:31
  Speaker 5: with anybody else. My focus is you and my children
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: and making this work. But you're struggling, and I can
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: see that.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: So you free.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: You go do.
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: Whatever you need to do. But if you choose not
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: to take this, then I need you to plug in
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: and lead this family like you're supposed to, because we
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: need you just as well as much as they need me.
• 22:49
  Speaker 5: But we got to be united on this. He didn't
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: take it. So three months go by, I get a
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: call from the lady at the apartment complex where I
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: called for what. I filled out the application, y'all. I'm
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: so glad I was at work because had I been
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: at home, I would be in jail right now, simply
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: because the lady called and she said, Miss Harris, well,
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: Miss Brown, I have to deny your application. I said, well, well,
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: explain to me why you got to deny my application.
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: She said, it's not because of your credit, it's not
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: because of your your income. Everything is good. I just
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: have to deny it based on non payment of rent
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: for the last three months. Wait a minute, I've been
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: asking him every day, have you paid the rent? Can
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: I get to receive Well, she's out of town now.
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: I didn't think anything of it because the lady we
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: were renting from did travel a lot, so it wasn't,
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: you know, out of the ordinary. However, when she told
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: me that, so I said, okay, I thank you for
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: the information. I hung to go to the phone with her,
• 23:58
  Speaker 5: and I called him. He was at home and ready
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: for work. I said, I'm gonna ask you this question once,
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: and I need you to tell me the truth, because
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: if you lie to me, it's going to be a pride.
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: He said, Well, what's up? I said, I just talked
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: such and such about the rent. I said, and I've
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: been asking you for the receipts so that I can
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: put it in our receipt binder for the mom. I said,
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: And you kept telling me that she was out of town,
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: I said, but I just spoke to her, I said,
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: because you know, I filled out an application for their
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: apartment and they told me that they had to deny
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: me due to non payment of rent. So my question
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: is where has your money been gone, because obviously you
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: haven't paid any rent, you haven't done anything that you
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: were supposed to do. So what's going on? Well, I said,
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: you know what, sir, you are lucky I am at work,
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: I said, because you have jeopardized the well being of
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: our children. Now Mom's even though my family lived in
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: the same neighborhood, they would never be out by themselves. However,
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: this lady could have came at any point and put
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: us out and I would have known absolutely nothing about it.
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: When I got off the phone, y'all, I ended up
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: punching the still door in our breakroom at work. I
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: did not realize that I had done that until I
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: had finally calmed down, my adrenaline had settled, and I
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: looked at the back of my hand, and it was
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: a big green bruise on it, and I said, what
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: happened to my hand? They said, you punched the door.
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: I said, Well, it's a good thing that I was
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: at work, I said, because I would have punched him
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: and I'd have been in jail. I said, So God
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: put me in the right place at the right time.
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: So it was. It was bad, you know. But we
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: separated and it was peaceful during that time until I
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: had to have surgery. I had to have a hysterectomy,
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: and during our separation I had our kids all the time.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: He didn't spend any time, he wasn't coming, he wasn't
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: doing any child before, He wasn't doing much of anything.
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: It was he was a parent of convenience if it
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: fit into his schedule. He was showing up because his
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: thing was if he couldn't have me, he didn't want
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: if he couldn't have the whole package, he didn't want
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: to be bothered with anything. That was his response to
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: me when we separated. Now, I'm not gonna beg you
• 26:16
  Speaker 5: to be a father, sir, I'm not gonna do that.
• 26:18
  Speaker 5: But when I got ready to have my hysterectomy, I
• 26:20
  Speaker 5: asked him, I said, Bride, are you gonna be able
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: to take care of the kids for six weeks. This
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: is not a weekend visit. This is gonna be a
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: full time thing. You're gonna have to get them back
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: and forth to school, You're gonna have to get them
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: to their football practice. You're gonna have to actually be
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: a parent. I said, Now, whatever you need from me
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: to make sure that they have everything that they need.
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: I filled up his house with food. I gave him
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: money for laundry to make sure that they had what
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: they clean, clothes, and all of that. This man was
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: already seeing someone else during our separation, and he moved
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: our children from his apartment into hers and had our
• 26:59
  Speaker 5: children drink to lie to me about it. H Yeah,
• 27:05
  Speaker 5: So with him having them to lie to me about it,
• 27:10
  Speaker 5: that did not end very well.
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: But when I say I have become a calmer person
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: because of that, it said, I'm gonna tell you the story.
• 27:27
  Speaker 5: I listen, I'm gonna tell you the story, and I'm
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: gonna tell you word for word what I said because
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: I don't. I'm not gonna censor it. I'm not gonna
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: sugarcoat it. This is exactly what happened. Because after I
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: had gotten myself healed. You know, I had gave my
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: my car because I knew if my car was at home,
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna drive. So after the doctor cleared me to drive,
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: I called, like, Kyla calls me and she's like, Mommy,
• 27:52
  Speaker 5: I just called a check on you. I said, Okay,
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: where y'all at? She was like, well, we're at Nikki's.
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: I said, because I had just finished talking about on
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: the phone, asking him where the kids were. He told
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: me they were with his mom. Now, at this time,
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: his mom was working for the Sickle Sell Foundation. They
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: did clinics in the Lower State on Wednesdays. Okay, this
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: was spring break. I asked you to bring my kids
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: home so they could be with me during spring break.
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: So I call him back at work. I say, you
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: got five minutes to get my kids to this store,
• 28:27
  Speaker 5: or I will go to that apartment complex and knock
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: on every single door out there until I find where
• 28:32
  Speaker 5: my kids are. Because we just had a conversation. I
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: don't care about you dating, but I need to meet
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: this woman so that I know. I don't care about
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: your opinion. I need my own, I said, So whatever
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: you choose to do, that's fine, but I need my
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: kids to know that they're safe in her presence. I
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: don't care about you and what you think of her.
• 28:54
  Speaker 5: That has nothing to do with me. It takes twenty
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: minutes to get from the east side of town to
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: the west side of town. I don't know how long
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: it took me to get there that day, but I
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: got there. I walk into the store, I go to
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: their breakroom. I tell my kids, come on less, go.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 29:15
  Speaker 5: As we're leaving, he is in my ear and he
• 29:19
  Speaker 5: is telling me, I don't know why you come up
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: on my job acting like this. I gotta work here,
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: I said, sir, I have not said one single thing
• 29:27
  Speaker 5: to you, and it's best that you stop talking to
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: me and let me leave because I don't have time
• 29:33
  Speaker 5: for this. He says, you not gonna come up here
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: on my job talking to me like this, I said,
• 29:42
  Speaker 5: as I already told you, stop talking to me and
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: let me leave. That is all I am in here
• 29:48
  Speaker 5: to do is get my kids in leave. He says
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: something else. This is my job, y'all. I stopped meet trash.
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: I said, motherfucker. I don't give a damn about you
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: or this motherfucking job. I said. And the reason I'm
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: telling you this is because this job don't put a
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: damn stock, a pair of draws or anything. All these
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: goddamn kids, I said, I've been taking care of them
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: for the last two years by myself. I said, So
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: fuck you and this goddamn job. And I told you
• 30:17
  Speaker 5: to let me walk out of here, but since you
• 30:19
  Speaker 5: chose not to do that, this is what I think
• 30:21
  Speaker 5: about you and that damn job. Now stop talking to
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: me and let me leave. So he still wants to talk.
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: You gonna get me fired, bet Y. I'm not gonna
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: get you fired. You gonna get you foling it because
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: I told you to stop talking to me. Let me
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: go to my car and get my kids and go home.
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: So we get to the car, he's still talking. He's
• 30:46
  Speaker 5: still doing everything sir, get away from my car, let
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: me go. So he finally goes, we pull off, he
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: goes back in. They tell him he has to go home.
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: So here he calling me on my He says, they
• 31:03
  Speaker 5: told me to go home for today. Okay, well I'm
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: about to be victim from my place and I just don't.
• 31:12
  Speaker 5: I don't think I want to live no more. Can
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: you tell my kids I loved I'm not telling them shit.
• 31:17
  Speaker 5: If that's what, If that's how you feel, then you
• 31:20
  Speaker 5: tell them your damnself because I'm not telling them no
• 31:22
  Speaker 5: bullshit like that your daddy want to talk to you
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: because I'm.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Not doing it.
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: So needless to say, that was the only time my
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: kids had well, no, I'll take that back. They saw
• 31:35
  Speaker 5: one other time, so that's why I said. You know,
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: I've calmed down since then, but they did. Listen, they
• 31:44
  Speaker 5: will put you in a space of.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad mine was not like that. So my
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: ex husband were the first ex because I'm going through divorce. Now,
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: excuse me, please let me go. I'm an accident, Please
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: let me go. I know what I'm saying. But my first,
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: my first husband, we actually separated mutual. We got married young,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: We weren't ready, Like, literally, this is how we got married.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: My our parents didn't believe in the shocking out, even
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: though my mom had a whole man in her house.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: But my mom was one of them do as I say,
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: now as I do. Literally six weeks after having my
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: son his the third, we looked at each other like,
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: you will go ahead and get married. He's like, yeah, okay, cool, y'all.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: I'm walking down my aunt's step and the wedding walked
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: to my aunt's step. We got married. Blah blah blah.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Year one, year two, beautiful was full d D. Year three,
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: he started going to the clubs. Okay, year four, I'm
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: gonna show you who I am because when I started
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: to do my dirt, I hate you my dirty Okay.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: So year five, we was like, you know what, this
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: is just too much. We separated. And how we separated
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: was we clear off everything to zero balance, and then
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: I moved into another apartment in the same apartment complex
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: because we wanted our son to know that we were
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: going to be there for him. Okay, So literally after
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: he would get finished with me in school, Okay, tonight's
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: your night to go to your dad's house. My son
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: would get his a little book bag, walk across the
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: courtyard and go to his dad.
• 33:43
  Speaker 8: You know.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: And I truly think if we worked at it, it
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: would work. But I am already checked out. We never
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: spent anniversaries together. There were Christmases where I never got anything.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: So I was emotionally already out that camp. Okay, we
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: didn't have any problems with finances. We were good. We
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: was like that nice little American couple. We went to
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: family functions, we went to church, but we had a facade.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: It was great.
• 34:15
  Speaker 5: Then after we get you loved good in public together,
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: but it was a private yes.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: Yes. Now the second marriage that I'm trying to get
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: out of where he know what, Lord Jesus, I saw
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: the signs. But if I'm gonna be totally honest with myself,
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: I was using my mother. Okay, we were already Me
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: and my mom's relationship was not good. But now I'm
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: seeing my mom deteriorating from my eyes. And then me
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: and my sister's relationship wasn't good. So it was like
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: I just needed to have that person. And he goes
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: post my night shot and when I was ten years old,
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: and okay, you know, long distance relationship during COVID, come
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: move down here with me. We were good. I didn't
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: know he was oh, like straight up like my neighbors like, look,
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: you need to watch. And it was little things, little things,
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: and I would pay the big bills in the house. Okay.
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: So we were the opposite of what trade was. I
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: paid the rink. Hey, that would be asked, excuse me,
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be out. But the things that he
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: was supposed to pay for, it was like he was
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: on the ball. The next minute things started happening. And
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: then I started seeing things and started hearing things. And
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: where I lived, the entertainment community could be tightly knit.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: You connected this person, this person, You connected this person.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: But I'm starting hearing things like hey, you know you
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: should your husband d okay cool? And I told God,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: I said, look, I know I went into this wrong,
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: but I need you to save me. We ain't even
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: get the year one. Two days before year one, we
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: were at the least in office. I need you to sign
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: the paperwork. So I said, go, I'm not filing. I'm
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: not spending one hundred and fifty dollars a file for
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: a divorce, seventy five dollars to get in one hundred
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: and fifty dollars to get out. You go ahead and file.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: He files. Y'all have not seen that man since moved
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: to a whole nother state, got a whole nother way
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: in the registreet, y'all glass. Oh yeah, I was old.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: I was hurt. There's some other things that happened. Oh,
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: there was plenty other stuff that happened. But I was hurt.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: Why was hurt because I put my trust, my faith,
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: and my love into this man. Because this was the
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: one that this is my tenure love. I'm actually gonna
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: be able to be in love with somebody.
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, there was a vulnerability that got you right there,
• 37:11
  Speaker 5: got me good.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: I got married two days before my moms passed. This
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: many cater than me was so wonderful, I think by
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: January then what's so when the wind started and then
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: he started to work league, then he this was the
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: big one. He was He did not believe in staying
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: at a stable job, so he was an uber driver.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: Now uber drivers make money, all right?
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: What uber driving gonna get up in the middle of
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: the night to pick up a client at two thirty
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: in the morning to take her home from work. M okay,
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: all right, I'm a natural girl, y'all natural. I don't
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: maybe once in a blue moon. I don't do no
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: fake eyelashes. I used to do my nails, but I
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: got a name. Tell me why I find the eyelash
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: in the car, This fool will tell me it's yours.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: I didn't know it ain't. I know it ain't. And
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: then what I find next in the car? I find
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: a business cars from the Gentleman's club. Oh okay, so
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: that's how we're rolling now, all right? Cool? I tell them.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: One day came home five thirty, Look, go and get
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: your stuff. So I said, okay, I can't do this.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: And I remember being so hurt, and I remember calling
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: friends and friends calling me and checking up. And it
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: was to one lady told me the only way you
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: won't get through this. First thing you got to do
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: is wash your face. I was like, what is washing
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: my face have to do with this? She said, because
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: you're gonna have to look yourself in the mirror and
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: forgive yourself.
• 39:01
  Speaker 5: Yep, that's the big thing.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: I could not wash my feast. And what I mean
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: by that is I would never look in the mirror.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: My tower would walk around house washing pick but that
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: day I had to look in the mirror and wash
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: my seats and I had to forgive myself.
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that's a major part in being able
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: to move on. And this is one thing that actually
• 39:26
  Speaker 5: helped me and I still do it to this day,
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: and it's a self inventory. And what I mean that
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: is I was in the bathroom, like we had moved separated,
• 39:38
  Speaker 5: and I was in the bathroom that I had at
• 39:41
  Speaker 5: the time. It was a big bathroom with the full
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: length mirrors, and so as I was getting out of
• 39:48
  Speaker 5: the shower, I had nothing but me in that mirror,
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: and so me in that mirror broke me down to
• 39:58
  Speaker 5: what I had and I had to to go through
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: what I was good at, what I was bad at,
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: where I felt at everything, and I was like it
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: was one of the most painful but transparent and healing
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: moments that I've had during that time and doing that transition,
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: because like I said, I was with him from the
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: time I was sixteen years old till I was twenty seven.
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: He was all I knew, you know, and I had
• 40:26
  Speaker 5: put everything that I knew into him and our children,
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: and I had lost who I was I lost my
• 40:33
  Speaker 5: identity and I even went to therapy and all of
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: that before we split up. But he was not interested
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: in doing therapy with me, but he would ask me
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: about my therapy sessions. Yeah, yeah, he couldn't go, but
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: he was always dead. Yet it would, you know, exactly
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: started doing a church and everything. He wouldn't attend service
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: with me or anything like all of those things, and
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: it was clear it was like okay, And so this
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: was probably about four years ago. Now, Oh my gosh, y'all.
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: I couldn't do nothing but laugh at this because I
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: had asked him, like I don't even have his number.
• 41:15
  Speaker 5: Our kids are grown now. However, I had asked him
• 41:18
  Speaker 5: because Kylo wanted the birthday balloon. She wanted the twenty four.
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: She wanted those numbers for her birthday. And so I
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: was like, nay, call your dad and see if he
• 41:30
  Speaker 5: can get the number balloons for Kyla. And I'm going
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: to do everything else. This is all I'm asking. So
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: he comes to drop the balloons off and I'm standing
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: on the patio because he's like he was outside, so
• 41:41
  Speaker 5: I'm standing on the patio and he asked me, said,
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: you don't ever miss the old days. I said, sir,
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: what are you talking about? He said, the old days
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: from when we were together back in high school. I said, sir,
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: I don't remember remember this about yesterday. Yesterday ain't got
• 41:59
  Speaker 5: none of doing me. And so then here comes Nathan
• 42:03
  Speaker 5: outside to get the ballottle from Nate said, man, don't
• 42:07
  Speaker 5: nobody think about you. You might as well let that go.
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: My mama don't want you no more. Let that go.
• 42:13
  Speaker 5: That ship sailed. I'm almost twenty years old. She she
• 42:17
  Speaker 5: ain't thought about you no more. And don't you be
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: thinking about her. As a matter of fact, close.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Eyes don't look at her. But that's what either. Her
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: children are different, and but that's what they do that behind.
• 42:34
  Speaker 8: Are you not about this to Traviata crazy and think
• 42:38
  Speaker 8: her kids are gonna just stand for it because they're your.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: Kids to back you up. Mine went on the podcast
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: and was like, you know, her family is real good.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: She's real good to me. I'm never gonna talk bad
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: about her.
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: My in laws like after we split up, like my mother,
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: I will say this, I love her to death, but
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: when we were together, she did not like me at all.
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: She did not care for me in any capacity, and
• 43:11
  Speaker 5: it was basically based loosely on my mom and how
• 43:16
  Speaker 5: my mom was alcohol and drugs and everything like that.
• 43:19
  Speaker 5: So she made the assumption that that was who I
• 43:22
  Speaker 5: was as well. It wasn't until she had a heart
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: attack and she came to my job after, you know,
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: getting out of the hospital and everything, and she came.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: Y'all and my.
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: Coworkers was like, do you want us to ban it
• 43:36
  Speaker 5: from the store. No, I don't. It's fine. I mean
• 43:38
  Speaker 5: because y'all when I say things happened to me when
• 43:43
  Speaker 5: we got into Bright and I got into a physical
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: altercation and police were involved in everything, and she told
• 43:49
  Speaker 5: me that I should have kept my mouth shut because
• 43:50
  Speaker 5: he was going to lose his job and be in
• 43:52
  Speaker 5: the paper. Those were her words to me, that I
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: should have never said anything about him putting his hands
• 43:57
  Speaker 5: on me. Now, with that being said that, when she
• 44:00
  Speaker 5: had her heart attack, we went to the hospital to
• 44:02
  Speaker 5: see her. Now, of course my daughter was like, my
• 44:04
  Speaker 5: why we going to the hospital to see someone who
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: really doesn't care about you. I said, it's not about that.
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: It doesn't mean anything that she didn't care about me.
• 44:14
  Speaker 5: Is the fact that she still is your grandmother and
• 44:16
  Speaker 5: we have to be respectful and so when she came
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: to my job, y'all, she came under the pretenses of
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: getting glasses, and so I'm giving her a price of
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: her glasses, and all of a sudden, she starts crying,
• 44:30
  Speaker 5: and I'm like, ma'am, what are you crying for. You're
• 44:32
  Speaker 5: at my job. I don't want these people to think
• 44:34
  Speaker 5: I don't say it's something to you. And she's like, no,
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: she said. I want to apologize to you, she said,
• 44:41
  Speaker 5: because even though we've had our differences, you never changed
• 44:47
  Speaker 5: who you were. You didn't fight the lies are anything
• 44:51
  Speaker 5: that were being told on you. And you know, I
• 44:54
  Speaker 5: really see now that it was not you. It was
• 44:57
  Speaker 5: my son, I said. But as a mother, you were
• 44:59
  Speaker 5: supposed to believe your child, I said. But for me,
• 45:02
  Speaker 5: it's never been about me defending the truth because the
• 45:05
  Speaker 5: truth always comes out. I never have to defend myself
• 45:08
  Speaker 5: against the life, I said. So you're good with me,
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: And so she was like, no, I have to apologize,
• 45:15
  Speaker 5: she said, because even though y'all were not together, y'all
• 45:19
  Speaker 5: have been divorced and separated.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: She said.
• 45:21
  Speaker 5: My son didn't even come and see me, but it
• 45:25
  Speaker 5: was clear to me that you genuinely cared about me
• 45:28
  Speaker 5: for you to put aside the differences in how I
• 45:31
  Speaker 5: treated you to still show up for me. Now. With
• 45:35
  Speaker 5: that being said, this lady will call me now and
• 45:39
  Speaker 5: she would call me before she would call her children.
• 45:42
  Speaker 5: But it took her seeing my truth outside of the
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: fact that me and her son are no longer together.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: And it does do that because you know, one thing
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: about the divorce process is that that point of time
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: where it's the flander period. It doesn't matter who's getting divorced,
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: somebody is or maybe both parties slandering. I kept my
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: mouth closed. There's so many times I wanted to get
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: out of here and be like, but you know what, No,
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: And you know what, I'm glad I didn't because there
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: are some of the things I learned from my I
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: don't even know ex husband husband, because that's exactly what
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: it is. I just I want to be like Jennifer
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: littlepet Well, no Jennifer Hudson or whoever. I want to
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: be free, like in Dream Girls. But I've got the
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: confidence to stand for myself. Okay. One of the reasons
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: why I'm able to do the podcast is because he
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: was one of those ones that was pushing me so
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: you know what. I thank you, but I do have
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: this saying I am never going to get in another relationship.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: Jesus will have to come down, sit next to me
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: and be like my homeboy, trying to holler before I
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: get to I back. I did start talking to somebody,
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: but I still wait for Jesus coming down top. But
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: we're trying to holler.
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, Jesus will give you the
• 47:14
  Speaker 5: sign when it's necessary. Because of the sign, when it's unexpected,
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: you're not gonna know. You're not gonna know that. That's
• 47:25
  Speaker 5: That's just what it is, because I will tell you
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: the one that I have now when I tell you
• 47:33
  Speaker 5: I have ran from this man and in the sense
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: of I don't know who you think you talking to,
• 47:41
  Speaker 5: but it ain't me, and it was. I need you
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: to get in the boat, sir, where's this boat going?
• 47:48
  Speaker 5: I need directions. I need to know the destination. He said.
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: You don't need to know the destination, you just need
• 47:54
  Speaker 5: to get in the boat and trust that I got you.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: Sir.
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: I don't even know you, So how am I gonna
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: trust you? And you can't even tell me if we're
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: gonna be close to land. We're gonna be out in
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: the middle of the ocean. Is there a backup both
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: if this one decides to flow? He said, listen, there's
• 48:07
  Speaker 5: twenty six letters in the alphabet. If ABC don't work,
• 48:10
  Speaker 5: we still got other ones that we can try. Trust me,
• 48:14
  Speaker 5: and I said I can't because I don't know nothing
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: about what you're talking about. So we went our separaris
• 48:19
  Speaker 5: for about nine months, and God kept telling me, you
• 48:24
  Speaker 5: need to call him, Sir, I don't need to call him.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: You call him.
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: I don't want to call him. I don't want to
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: call this man. I don't want to talk to him.
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: And it was like, I don't want to call him,
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: I don't want to talk to him. I don't want
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: to Eventually I did and it was like, Okay, I
• 48:45
  Speaker 5: can talk to him, But what I was supposed to
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: say to him, you ain't give me none of them instructions.
• 48:52
  Speaker 5: What I was supposed to say. He was like, ask
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: him how he doing? But I don't really want to
• 48:58
  Speaker 5: know how he doing. You want me to initiate a conversation,
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: but you ain't give me no words to talk to
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: him what I'm supposed to say? And then what if
• 49:06
  Speaker 5: he say I don't.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: Know who this is.
• 49:08
  Speaker 5: I don't want to talk to you. Well I'm supposed
• 49:10
  Speaker 5: to do. Then he ain't gonna do none of that.
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: All right, Okay, I'm a text h but I know
• 49:17
  Speaker 5: what he gonna say. He gonna say who is? And
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: that's exactly what he said. And then when I said
• 49:24
  Speaker 5: who I was, he put his first name, my first
• 49:28
  Speaker 5: name is his last name together? And I said, sir,
• 49:31
  Speaker 5: are you still on that? He said, I never left
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: that you did?
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: Oh? So yeah.
• 49:40
  Speaker 5: When God says he has he has you, he has
• 49:45
  Speaker 5: you in the space in which you just need to
• 49:48
  Speaker 5: be paying attention. And I think a lot of times
• 49:51
  Speaker 5: we don't pay attention to what God has given us
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: in any capacity, in any moment, in any space or anything.
• 49:57
  Speaker 5: And it's like, Okay, God, what it is? What is
• 50:00
  Speaker 5: it that you want me to know? What is it
• 50:02
  Speaker 5: that I need from this moment? What is this relationship
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: teaching me? And that goes for friendships and everything. Now,
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: marriage is still I don't want people to get the
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: missed understanding that marriage is not the goal. It's always
• 50:19
  Speaker 5: part of the plan, but it's not the finished product.
• 50:22
  Speaker 5: And when you understand that it is not the finished product,
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: you will understand that your work begins from the day
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: that you say I do, and you got to be
• 50:30
  Speaker 5: willing to put in the work. You gotta be willing
• 50:32
  Speaker 5: to put in the sacrifices. You got to understand that
• 50:35
  Speaker 5: when you choose to love somebody, you make that choice
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: every day because they're not going to be likable every day.
• 50:40
  Speaker 5: Because you're not even going to be likable every day.
• 50:42
  Speaker 5: There are days I don't even like myself, and so
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: being able to understand that I'm going to change, You're
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: going to change. Am I going to like you today?
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: I might not even like you tomorrow. But can we
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: still love each other enough to say I don't like
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: you today, like the way you're talking to me, I
• 51:01
  Speaker 5: don't like what you're doing, I don't like this. But
• 51:04
  Speaker 5: that doesn't mean I'm ready to throw in the towel
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: because I'm not liking you today, you know. And I
• 51:10
  Speaker 5: think that's one of the things that we're so quick
• 51:12
  Speaker 5: to do is just run away from things. And we
• 51:16
  Speaker 5: also got to do the pros and cons. You know,
• 51:19
  Speaker 5: when you make that list, do the pros and cons.
• 51:22
  Speaker 5: Understand that, Okay, I put in ten years here, maybe
• 51:27
  Speaker 5: this person had to carry you for those ten years
• 51:29
  Speaker 5: because you were unable to carry yourself, and they're gonna
• 51:32
  Speaker 5: carry you for the next ten years. If those pros
• 51:35
  Speaker 5: outweigh those cons, then you still got something to fight for.
• 51:39
  Speaker 5: But if it's vice versa, understand, cut your losses and
• 51:42
  Speaker 5: move forward. You know, there's nothing wrong with that.
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: I think that's the problem with African American marriages is
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: that we are just there for the No. I won't
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: say we, but most most couples are just there for
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: the facade. They want that beautiful day and they think
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: that's it. Your meat is going to change every year,
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: every minute, every second, but you have to make it work. Yep,
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: I was a runner. You change your me deuces. I'm out.
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: That's just how I was. Okay, But people what and
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: and then we like to put in social media what
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: we see these couples on TVs where we oh, relationship goals. Yeah,
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: relationship like CALLI being offset when they had their little
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: song together. Relationship cool.
• 52:39
  Speaker 5: Really, I don't want that relationship go I don't want
• 52:44
  Speaker 5: that meal that you're prepared because it was prepared for you.
• 52:47
  Speaker 5: It wasn't prepared for me. I don't like a lot
• 52:49
  Speaker 5: of sat You don't now I'm upset because I don't
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: thought that this was the meal of a girl.
• 52:55
  Speaker 8: No, I want, I want.
• 53:00
  Speaker 5: Wigs and all of this stuff, and then they put
• 53:02
  Speaker 5: on all this makeup. You don't even know if they
• 53:04
  Speaker 5: the same person yesterday anyway, So they transformed into new
• 53:08
  Speaker 5: people every day. But they want somebody to love them
• 53:10
  Speaker 5: like no tomorrow. Want to start with this.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: All right, man, see why you got us on hit
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: doing this?
• 53:20
  Speaker 8: Look and look, how about we about to do a
• 53:22
  Speaker 8: part too, simply because I feel like I'm not the
• 53:28
  Speaker 8: only one going through something right now, and there are
• 53:31
  Speaker 8: other people that are in the same situation that need guidance.
• 53:36
  Speaker 8: And it's okay to expert help because you know what
• 53:40
  Speaker 8: better person to help from then somebody's who's already been there,
• 53:46
  Speaker 8: done that or whatever. For me, do I feel like
• 53:52
  Speaker 8: marriage is not the goal? No, I am supposed to
• 53:55
  Speaker 8: be somebody's wife, whether it be Usher or whoever.
• 54:00
  Speaker 5: Now, let you, ma'am, I need you to let that go.
• 54:08
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna need I need you to come to reality. Okay,
• 54:14
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna need you to stop dreaming about this. I mean,
• 54:17
  Speaker 5: you can marry him in your dreams, but baby, it's
• 54:19
  Speaker 5: not gonna happen. He already got a wife. You don't
• 54:21
  Speaker 5: chose us. But I'm just I need you to be
• 54:27
  Speaker 5: here with us, Okay, I need you to I need
• 54:30
  Speaker 5: you to be here with us because he not coming. Okay,
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: you can get an usher look alike, all right, problem,
• 54:37
  Speaker 5: But no, ma'am, I'm just gonna let you. I'm sorry
• 54:42
  Speaker 5: to bust your bubble. But he is already gone. Okay,
• 54:48
  Speaker 5: he not there. He not in mar to.
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: Stroke your ego.
• 54:54
  Speaker 8: Ain't it?
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: She will not?
• 54:57
  Speaker 8: She won't, she will she He's not gonna do it.
• 55:02
  Speaker 5: I don't, I don't mm hm.
• 55:06
  Speaker 8: But this conversation was very much needed. I appreciate both
• 55:11
  Speaker 8: of you. There is going to be a part two
• 55:16
  Speaker 8: because you know, I do have some questions as far
• 55:19
  Speaker 8: as how to combat loneliness and and you know what
• 55:23
  Speaker 8: that looks like for the both of you when we
• 55:26
  Speaker 8: have time so.
• 55:29
  Speaker 5: I can definitely.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: What girl I got you?
• 55:34
  Speaker 8: Yeah, clear, clear your schedules, ladies. But I appreciate both
• 55:43
  Speaker 8: of you. I appreciate everybody.
• 55:45
  Speaker 7: For tuning in.
• 55:47
  Speaker 8: And also, as I always say, you know, delayed but
• 55:52
  Speaker 8: not denied. What is delayed for you is not denied
• 55:56
  Speaker 8: unto you, because what God has for you is for
• 55:59
  Speaker 8: you and and it doesn't mean that you're gonna get
• 56:03
  Speaker 8: it today or tomorrow. Just know it's coming and you
• 56:06
  Speaker 8: have to be patient.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: And wait on it.
• 56:09
  Speaker 8: So and and my cat is calling me now, So
• 56:17
  Speaker 8: I bid you adu. I thank you for I know
• 56:21
  Speaker 8: y'all my baby because she's like you want to talk
• 56:26
  Speaker 8: to she. Look, she got a story to tell too.
• 56:28
  Speaker 8: She ready to tell her story. But that's another another
• 56:34
  Speaker 8: story for another day. But I thank you both. I
• 56:37
  Speaker 8: love you both. I am glad that God has placed
• 56:41
  Speaker 8: you both in my life, and I pray that God
• 56:46
  Speaker 8: gives you both the desires of your heart, whatever that
• 56:50
  Speaker 8: may look like for you. And again, I thank everybody
• 56:54
  Speaker 8: for watching and tuning in tonight. And I will be
• 56:57
  Speaker 8: back on the fourth Friday of this month. I guess
• 57:04
  Speaker 8: to be announced, but listen, just work with me, bear
• 57:09
  Speaker 8: with me here because your sisters struggled. But I love you, guys,
• 57:14
  Speaker 8: and I thank you all for tuning in tonight.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: Good night, love me, good night.
• 57:25
  Speaker 6: Tonight every second Monday and for a Friday of each
• 57:28
  Speaker 6: monthing this is that you don't
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: Want to miss ou