Latest / The Shift Podcast / 31. What To Do After Failure

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31. What To Do After Failure · The Shift Podcast

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Welcome to fight my datak, a podcast that helps bridge, the
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gap between healthcare workers and First Responders and
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everything in between. These next couple episodes.
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Podcast episodes will be the stories of my clients and I love
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having just candid conversations with them.
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I don't have anything planned, I don't have an agenda.
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I don't have questions that I'm planning ahead of time.
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We just kind of start getting to talk about what coaching has
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done for them. What's it meant for them?
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Inspiring stories, or thoughts? They've had that have really
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pushed them through the hard times in their life so far.
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And I just hope that you can Grab one thought or one piece of
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inspiration from these conversations that we have and
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that's really the whole point of my podcast being able to gather
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together and realize that other people who do the jobs that we
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do are going through similar experiences that we are and
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finding inspiration from their stories and how coaching has
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really helped develop them into the people that they are and how
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they've been able to use that and go out and show.
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Differently and be different in their communities for their
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patients and their families. And so I hope you enjoy these
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next couple episodes of my podcast where I get it
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interview, some of my clients who have been changed by
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coaching. The emmalin, thanks for joining
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me on my podcast today. I really appreciate you being
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here and just having a candid conversation with me today.
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Yeah, thanks for having me. Okay.
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So let's just start out. What is it that you want
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everybody to kind of know about you?
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And just tell us a little bit about yourself.
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Okay. Um, my name is emmalin, I've
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been in the medical field since I was about 18.
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I started off as a CNA and now I'm an LVN.
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And I've been in the oven for about I think 11 years now and
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yeah I'm currently trying to apply to our and programs so
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yeah that's about it. Yeah okay great and tell
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everyone kind of when we first met what you wanted to kind of
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work on And then we'll kind of go from there.
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Um, so when I seeked for help, I was kind of in a I was just like
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and I wouldn't say a dark hole but I was so confused.
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I I knew my goals but I just didn't know how to continue to
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achieve them. So I've actually found you
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looking into flight nursing because I became really
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interested in it. And And then I have had heard of
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life coaching, but I never looked into it.
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I never thought that I would ever need it or want it, I
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guess. But when I found your page and I
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started looking into it and I started kind of knowing what it
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was. I was like, oh my God, this is
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perfect and you could help me. So yeah, so I was trying to I
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had just failed the Tea's test and I was so upset.
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Um, I was kind of, like, do I even want to proceed this?
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Am I even good enough? Like I started questioning
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everything my about my career and even some personal thoughts
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also. So that's where I was mentally
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when I found you and I seeked for life coaching and honestly,
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I never expected life coaching to bring me so much clarity.
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And so much Joyce. Because now I feel like, my, my
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brain is very untangled, and I feel like, yeah, that's where I
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was. And that's when I seek for help,
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tell me like, what some of those Tangled thoughts were that you
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were having that you're like, willing to share with everyone
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because I do think that, you know, we go through things
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especially As healthcare workers, who?
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We normally just keep everything in.
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We let like our brain and our thoughts get the best of us.
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So, tell me, what are some of those thoughts that you were
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having? Because I think just saying it
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and having other people realize that other people are thinking
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similar. Things takes away a lot of that
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pressure. Yeah, so like I mentioned I
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started in the medical field when I was really young.
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So The reason why I started in the medical Fields because at
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the time, I was so lost. I'm like, I don't even know what
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I want to do. So one of my family members that
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was or is a nurse, she was like, why don't you just try going for
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CNA and see if you like that field.
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So that's where I was and I fell in love with it and but being I
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guess like now I wouldn't say stuck in one area but you get
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comfortable. Working in a certain like branch
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of your career. And I felt like I was very
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comfortable and I always knew I wanted to continue, I want to
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become a RN but I was just like, oh, I'll do it later or
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something. In my life, personal life would
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pop up and I'll be like, I can't do it now, like, I have to deal
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with this first. So that's kind of like, where I
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was at and those were But that's that were kind of in my head in
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the beginning where I was like am I even good enough to be an
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RN, like I'm good at being a novian because I know what I'm
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supposed to do. I'm good at what I do.
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Like I'm like, do I want to feel uncomfortable and feel brand new
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again and feel like, I don't know what I'm doing.
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I was also very scared because I was very scared of failing and
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letting myself down that was one of the things.
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That I remember telling you, wait?
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Sorry, we lost you for a second. What were you're saying?
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You were also very scared and then it kind of killed off.
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Well, I was also very scared of failing and letting myself down,
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I remember I would tell you that a lot in the beginning and those
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were like, some of the thoughts that I would that I was having.
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I didn't think I was going to be good at having more
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responsibility and I guess just knowing more And that's, that
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was my biggest fear. Why didn't why I was so scared
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of that? Pursuing my career.
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Yeah, what were some of the things that kind of maybe we
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talked about or how coaching kind of helped you realize and
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debunk some of those thoughts? The biggest one that has stuck
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with me throughout the whole time that I've been coached was
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that I'm deserving, that was the first one.
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I think that we talked about and that's just something that I
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tell myself every day because when that little voice in my
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head, tells me like, what are you doing?
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Where can you even do this? I always tell myself, like, yes
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I am deserving of this and I can do this.
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And once you realize that, You're deserving of what you
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want and your goals. I feel like it makes it so much
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easier to continue to work for them because a lot of the times
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you tell yourself like I can't do this.
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Like I'm not going to be able to do this and knowing that you are
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deserving of that outcome, it helps you continue and push
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forward. Yeah.
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And it's interesting too because it's like you Didn't want to be
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a beginner again because you were comfortable and then almost
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like your brain was telling you that, that's the reason why you
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shouldn't move forward to. Hmm.
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But when you stepped into the thought of I'm deserving, that's
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when it kind of just changed for you.
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Yeah. It was like a eye-opener.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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And so, we first started on the really big goal of figuring out
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how to balance multiple jobs in your life, and your family and
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your relationships. And Studying for this huge test
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for nursing applications. Tell everyone like kind of that
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process for you. How that was?
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And where are you now with it? Yes.
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So when I seek to, for coaching, I honestly thought it was just
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going to be strictly for my goals, like, for my career.
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I never knew that we were gonna dig deep into the root of why I
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wasn't a polite continuing or being successful in these.
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These goals but you just knew what questions to ask that.
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I think I wasn't ready for an emotionally.
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You were able to help me see that.
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A lot of the things that I was dealing with, in my personal
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life was affecting the outcome of my achievements for my
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career. So yeah, we talked about how I
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was handling my family and my Chips.
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And one of the things that to me was like, oh my God, like you
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just put like I think I told you I feel like you gave me like
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glasses and I was able to see everything, it was that I was
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always. So concerned about being
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available to my family and being there for people that needed me
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and I would put my things on hold or I would work around the
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people that are in my life and And to be honest, like sometimes
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they didn't even know, I was being available for them so then
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I wouldn't turn feel bad for not being there.
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When I was studying for the test or took another shift or
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something like that and you helped me, see that no matter
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what they're still going to see me the way they see me.
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I can't control how they feel about me, how they feel about my
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availability for them, like I just have control over myself
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and what I do. And they're eventually going to
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understand. And when I made that change
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where I focused on me and my goals and everything, based, it
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was still the same. Nothing can change if anything.
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I feel like my relationships with them got better.
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So that was one of the biggest things that I feel like
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coaching, help me that put such a big shift into achieving all
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my other goals because now I'm prioritizing my goals and in
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turn, its even making my relationships better when I was
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so, Afraid of like not being there and ruining some of those
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relationships or making them feel bad.
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So yeah. And I would have to offer,
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you're prioritizing yourself, right?
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Like and that's what's making you prioritize, your goals and
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you're realizing that even like you doing that.
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Your relationships with them are even greater than they were
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before more abundant than they were before.
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And I think one thing to that we had in our conversations, I
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think was a really pivotal for For you.
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And you can tell me if it's any different to for you, how you
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saw it, but we got to talking about people pleasing.
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And we actually talked about, like, people-pleasing was
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actually you trying to control the people, right?
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Yes. I was trying to control how they
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felt about me and as a person and like I don't have control
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over that. Yeah.
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Yeah. So we've kind of talked about
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that and what you went through, like personal and how that
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helped you with your career, but where are, we are career goals?
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Where are you now? With the Tea's test, I just
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passed my teas on Friday this past weekend.
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So I'm very, very happy and very proud of myself.
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If it's such a movement, It's for me personally because this
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test failing this test of her Sam was what put me in such a
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bad place mentally and everything and just the process
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of getting there to passing this test was so much more smoother,
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so much more. I want to say, like, peaceful in
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a way because of, like, your techniques and how you taught
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me, how to handle. And all my thoughts and handle
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kind of manage my time more. And I we talked about this, like
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right before I took it. I felt like what am I like, am I
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even gonna pass this? Because I feel, I don't feel
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stressed. I was I was scared that I was
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going to pass it, but I wasn't stressed out.
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I felt confident. So it was kind of like, is this
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real life? I might have one point.
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I remember you saying, like, could it be this easy?
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Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's weird
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that it's this easy. So tell me what you feel like
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made it easy for you in the process of constructing.
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You know, how you were going to break down studying and that
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whole amount of time that you put forth to it.
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Yeah. So my schedule is pretty hectic.
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I I make it hectic. So I have two jobs and I'm
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taking classes at a community college still.
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So, So everything is like has to be scheduled out, right?
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So the way that you taught me how to prioritize, prioritize,
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study time, felt in the beginning.
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I was kind of like, how am I going to do all this?
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That this is a lot. Like, I have two jobs, I have to
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do this. And then in the beginning, I
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feel like when I barely started studying, for this, while I was
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at work, or while I was at the gym, or while I was at my other
14:30
job, I was stressed out because I'm like Oh my God, I have to
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study like I have to study like that was like the only thing in
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my head. So I would be so overwhelmed by
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the time that I studied and then when I did study I feel like my
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head wasn't even there. So you helped me kind of tell
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myself like focus on what you're doing right now.
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Don't worry about your test because you already scheduled a
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specific designated time for it. So when I did that and I told I
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would tell myself when I would Catch myself stressing, I'll be
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like, no, like relax. Like do this.
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You have a designated time and it's gonna be okay.
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So once I did that everything just felt so much more smoother.
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Like like I wasn't stressing out at work anymore.
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I was focusing more on what I was doing when I had me time.
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I was enjoying myself. Yeah.
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Before I wouldn't, I would be like, I felt guilty for doing
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the things that I loved because I knew that I had this big test
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to study for Yeah, I'm doing that.
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Helped me a lot and actually would help me retain the
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information a lot better because I was not so stressed out and so
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drained out from overthinking that I was that I had to do
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this. So that was a as overachievers
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and I think this is like one of the concepts that I teach my
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clients is that we have a hard time creating intentional time
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for ourselves. When we do something, we're
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often time, thinking about how we should be Be studying and
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then when we're studying were having a hard time thinking
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about doing something else. Yeah.
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And so this concept of intentional time and really like
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you know I coached you on what felt good for you daily everyday
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weekday weekend for that amount of time to study and then
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focusing that intentional time unjust that turning off your
16:23
cell phone, putting your cell phone in another and whatever
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was helpful for you. You decided those things I think
16:28
really created this success for you, because you were able to
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Put those two hours on the weekday and three hours on the
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weekend to just focusing and then you could redirect your
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brain to note. I did my two hours today, I'm
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good. Yeah, exactly.
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And it helped me kind of like enjoy the off time that I had
16:51
designated for myself to I think before I would have rushed
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through my me time and I kind of took that same technique that
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you showed me for studying with other things like I really enjoy
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going to the gym so I designated two hours of me time every day
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and I was like nope this is me time.
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I'm not going to think about my test.
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I'm not going to think about my job like I'm just going to this
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is me. So it helped me to with that and
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I feel like allowing myself to fully enjoy those two hours to
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myself, help me be successful, and everything else.
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Awesome. Yeah, and one thing that we kind
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of talked about to at the beginning especially balancing
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your busy life and busy schedule was feeling overwhelmed and A
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lot of times and feel overwhelmed because we're not
17:34
giving ourselves time. So how now you a lot in that
17:39
time for yourself and what you want to do and your me time that
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you called it, how has that really helped you with the
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overwhelm in the stress? It helps a lot especially right
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before. I was taking I was going to take
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the test, it just put me like in a better mood to come home and
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study and just have a clear mind.
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Because prior to that, when I would be stressing out, I would
18:06
have rush it. And I would feel then I would
18:08
feel like upset kind of, because I would be like, oh, like I love
18:14
doing this and I feel like I didn't even I didn't have a good
18:17
workout or I didn't do it correctly or whatever just
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because I had this in my head and then as I'm studying, I'm
18:23
upset at myself so I'm not focusing.
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So when I did that it just allowed me to just be in a much
18:30
better mood and just Retain more information so it just made my
18:35
studying time, more successful. Yeah, yeah, okay.
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And I have two questions for you that came up when you were
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saying that was, what would you say to people?
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Who. Are very comfortable with where
18:50
they're at. Like you said at the beginning
18:52
being LVN for so long, but who knows that there's more for them
18:58
out there. What would you say to those
19:00
people who are thinking about that?
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I would say that. There's a reason why you have
19:06
that small thought in your head that there's more.
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And there is, there's always more.
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You can always grow. I don't know if you've told me
19:14
this, or I heard it somewhere else, but you can learn how to
19:19
do anything in life. It could be a totally different
19:23
career path, but I feel like if you believe it, then you could
19:29
achieve it. And I feel like, if you feel, if
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you have a feeling that like, okay, I could do this, I'm
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comfortable here, but then there's like a little thought in
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your head that keeps telling you like go but maybe there's more,
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there is more, just follow that thought.
19:46
Say Seek coaching, if you're absolutely stuck because to be
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honest, like I mentioned my head was so tangled with all these
19:53
different thoughts and before I could, but I believe that I
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could be an RN and I could be end up being a flight nurse, but
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now I really, really believe it. Like, I see it.
20:05
I see it in my future. You do a lot of like talking to
20:10
my future self and I love that because I do it.
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Even when we we aren't talking and I tell myself, Elf like, I
20:17
like, I see myself there already and as an employee, like doing
20:22
flight. And if you could do that, if you
20:25
could see yourself in your goal, then, just go for it.
20:29
Hmm, that's great. I love that advice and I love
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that. You have gotten that in the time
20:37
that we've been working together because that's like Priceless
20:40
for you to feel that and acknowledge that.
20:43
Yeah, and then my other question to you.
20:46
You is, you know, I talked with a lot of clients and a lot of
20:49
people who have failed a test or maybe failed it multiple times
20:53
and we're kind of in that like turmoil that you are in when we
20:56
first met. So what advice would you give to
20:58
them? Just keep trying.
21:02
Even if you fail more than once or twice, I feel like yeah, it's
21:08
scary. I was literally just there.
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Um but I think finding the right.
21:17
Motivation to continue is just just keep seeing yourself
21:23
passing it. That's what I tried to do.
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And I would tell myself like, no, like you're gonna pass it,
21:29
it's there's no other option and you're just you're gonna do it.
21:33
And I think telling myself that and even right before I took it,
21:38
I was like, okay, if I don't pass it, it's okay.
21:41
We're just gonna try again and I'd say just keep going.
21:46
There's the time, there's a timing for everything and maybe
21:49
you just were ready at that time.
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All it means is that you need to put in maybe a little bit more
21:55
study time or try to focus more develop techniques in how you
22:00
can retain more information. But that's all there is.
22:03
You just gotta adjust the plan to achieve your goal.
22:08
Yeah, I love that. And I guess my last question for
22:12
you is, is there a piece of advice or anything that is kind
22:17
of like helped you this far in your career or in your goals
22:22
that Is really going to help you take you to the next level as
22:27
well. I think the biggest thing for me
22:32
is remember why I started? I remember what keeps me going.
22:38
What do I love about my career? That keeps me going because when
22:43
I remember that, or when for me, for me, nursing when I see my
22:49
patients happy and I see my patients just Just thriving or
22:56
or getting better. And even the ones that don't
22:59
just if I can make their day, or make them feel a little bit more
23:02
comfortable to me. That's what it's all about.
23:06
And if that's what it takes, just remind yourself of why you
23:12
started. Why are you doing it?
23:13
What, part of your career, makes you happy or your goals?
23:17
What what makes what made you make those goals.
23:20
I say, just keep repeating that to yourself and I think that
23:24
would Take you all the way to achieving them.
23:27
Yeah, well thank you for being on today emmalin.
23:29
I think like you had a lot of really good things to say.
23:32
I think people a lot of people are going to relate to your
23:35
story and have a lot of the similar thoughts that you're
23:38
feeling, especially untangling your brain, like you said, and
23:42
getting started and getting out of your comfort zone and going
23:45
for like that little piece of your brain, that's telling you.
23:48
There's more. Yes.
23:50
So I appreciate that and I'm so proud of you.
23:52
Like you did the uncomfortable, Work.
23:56
Yeah, it was it was definitely uncomfortable times.
24:00
Yeah, coaching is not easy. It's not.
24:03
I think a lot of people think coaching is like you get on
24:05
there and I just like pep you up right now but different not
24:10
sessions like that. No you definitely know how to
24:13
ask the questions that kind of make you feel uncomfortable but
24:17
it definitely untangles your thought process and it's some
24:22
days are harder to hear than others.
24:24
But overall All I've always left our sessions feeling so like I
24:31
achieved something. Oh yeah, you're right.
24:35
Yeah, it's not always easy but it's worth it for sure.
24:38
Yeah. And you should just be so proud
24:40
of yourself for not only passing that test but doing all the work
24:43
that got you to that point because you did that, thank you.
24:47
Yeah, it does our of that. And I cannot wait to see Your
24:52
future. Thank you.
24:55
So thanks for being on. I really appreciate it.
24:57
Thank you for having me. This was fun.
24:59
All right, bye. I loved emmalin's message of if
25:06
you hear that little voice in your head that's telling you
25:09
that there's something more to act on it.
25:11
Because I think that we all experience this in some shape or
25:14
form of that little voice. That's like, what if and should
25:18
we go for it? And oftentimes, we let our
25:20
thoughts drown at that little voice out.
25:23
And so I just want to offer you this week.
25:26
If this is you, if you are experiencing any of, the
25:28
thoughts that she did and need help untangling your brain
25:31
getting back on track after a failure or liver.
25:34
Listening to that little voice and seeing what's more of it and
25:38
helping you get organized with that reach out to me and we can
25:42
talk about what working together would look like, and we can get
25:44
your brain untangled on track and seeing the future you
25:48
working on believing that so that you can pass that test, get
25:51
to the goals that you want and Achieve where you want to be and
25:54
listen to that little voice. We will talk with all of you
25:57
guys next week. We'll see you then.
25:58
Bye.