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Who Told Us We Had To Have It All Together? · Closets & Conversations

• Morgan McFerson: We are navigating it all. We are trying our best. That's what the topic of today's episode is. Mental load. Yes. Everyone can relate to this. Uh-huh. Especially women. All the time. Yes. It is the hardest thing. Mm-hmm. And when we were thinking about Who we wanted to speak to in our podcast. This was a topic that kept coming back. Yes. I think it's very relatable. It is, and it's unavoidable. The only thing that I think we can control is how we respond to it. And if we can offer some tips or maybe some people want to call in. We don't have that feature. Yeah. But maybe give us some tips. Because we're just trying to figure it out also. Yeah, and it's it's easy to get in the muck of that and feel like you are failing in every aspect. Absolutely. Because you're so overwhelmed by stuff. For sure. I think sometimes I'll speak for myself. It robs me of my joy. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, I literally every day is just a to-do list. Yeah, always. And it's it's long. You can't possibly get it all done. Something that happens to me occasionally that I'm trying to give myself more grace with is if nothing makes me more crazy then All of a sudden realizing maybe I missed an appointment or forgot about a call. Actually, Morgan, when we were planning the podcast. I forgot about a call. It was me alone on Zoom. And she texted me and said, Are you gonna join this call? And that doesn't happen very often to me. I own a business, I run a business, I run my household. Of course. But when it does, the spiraling effect that has on me, what else am I forgetting? It it sends me into a tizzy, and I've really tried to be a little bit more like, I made a mistake. Yes. And give yourself grace. Because no I don't think anyone else is keeping tr there's not a no one's filling out a report card for us. Yes. And it's funny hearing you say that because I'm like, give yourself grace, Rachel. But like literally for myself is the same way. I can give that advice to everybody, but why is it so hard for us to take that and like I know be like it's okay if not everything gets done. I this is probably my number one struggle. It's hard. I do feel like as a more mature older woman. I do feel like it is one thing that I think has gotten a little bit easier as I get older. Not that the list isn't still just as long, but just that it's a little bit more like, you know, you're gonna get to it. But that being said, I mean there are days where I'm like, actually today we were getting ready for this, and I have I think four emails about sport schedules coming up for the kids. And I'm like, that's not where I that's not the lane I was in this morning. I was in like You are on a podcast channel it. Yes. And then I'm like, my gosh, Tuesday evenings. That's not good for me. And it and then it just the amount of hats you have to wear. Sometimes within fifteen minutes a day. You're like getting lunch ready. need to make this, you know, put an invoice together. Yeah. You know, like I'm a mammogram. I need a mammogram. Right. Yeah. And then it's like, I forgot to schedule a You know, appointment for back to school physical things like that. It's it's feels like it can be never ending. Yeah, for sure. okay. let's do a couple questions around this for each other. Yes. Okay, can I I'll go first. boy. Okay. What's one thing that your husband has never had to once think about for your life? Cleaning like toilets and bathroom stuff. Cleaning the bathroom. Cleaning the bathroom. Is the worst job in the world. I need a toilet. I don't wanna do it. No I don't wanna do it. No. It's probably gross because of him. I there is no doubt in my mind. And it is the when What are they doing in there? Why are they in there so long? Why are they in there so long? Why is it always when you're ready to leave the house? What if you only have one bathroom? We do. So? It's there's some mornings when I'm like, it's everyone in here at the same time. Even the dog. On the floor. Yeah. You know, June's like, I have to go potty so bad, so bad. And never somebody's using them. It's it's insane. But yeah, the the bathroom is not not great. Not great. Don't want to do it. It's gotta be done regularly. Yeah. Should be. Yes. So yeah, that's that's my answer to that. Okay. should I ask you? We'll answer your we'll answer your own question too. Buying June new clothes. Mm. yeah. As she's growing. Mm-hmm. Because that happens quick. All of a sudden you're like, those are a little short on you. I'm always the one to say, we need new season clothes that fit her well. Yes. now I should say that I was gonna say, is there anything can we give our hubbies a prop for anything like is there anything that your husband does that you're like, that's nice. yes, many, many things around the house. He cooks For us. Love that. All all very often. Amazing. If not all the time. Yeah, that's great. yeah, which is really great, especially mostly dinner, you know. Yeah, you know, we kind of divide the rest of it, but mostly dinner and he's really good at that. And thank God, because he makes probably more nutritious meals than I would make at the end of the day. I would be like, Let's just This is what throw something together. Yeah. You know, so that's good. What about you? I work most Saturdays because you know Hashtag retail life. Yeah. So we have for years have called Saturdays Datterdays. And my husband works a pretty demanding job during the week. So truly having that day with the girls has been really good. But that in turn means he handles a lot of the sports to and from, which he really enjoys. And I'm actually getting to a point in my business where I am trying to take more Saturdays. so that's been really great. But he has done the Saturday thing for A long time. Yeah. That's hard. In the business too, you feel like you can't it's hard step away, but you then you feel like there's a balance of missing some things with the kids, I'm sure. It's hard. Yeah. Which that we're talking that too, comparison. Yes. That's part of today's episode also. Uh-huh. That's a low comparison, the whole thing. how many unopened emails do you have right now? okay, so here's the thing. I have three thousand eight hundred unopened emails, but let me tell you. This was not my expectation. I knew you were gonna say that. This is the thing. I usually have z zero. They're usually all opened. Okay. The last couple of months have been so crazy and so busy. I feel like I haven't taken So it's all junk. It's mostly junk. mostly in in all the junk there are four really important emails. Yes. Like my business email, everything's read. Yes. You know. I have I you know, you have like you're like, how do I have this? I I I literally have an email that's Morgi Porgi from like my first ever email and I'm like, why don't I even have this anymore? I should just like close it. But some of those get bogged down. Yeah. Yeah. But can I give you a hot tip? How about that? How how many do you have? I have let's see. I have four hundred and twenty three. I try to keep it under five hundred. you're right there at the cusp. Yeah. But you know, I can get it real low and then the next day it's back up again. It's never any back. What we need to do is we need to unsubscribe, but my mental load is not allowing me the t that's very low on the totem pole. huh. you're gonna sit and unsubscribe. Yeah. I have a I have a a tool. Yes. That I would like to share. It's called an app called Chuck It. Have you heard of this app? No. Chuck It. So it you can sync all of your email and Yeah. Like different accounts to it. Mm-hmm. And then you can literally click on them and go through and you're like, all of these it'll say you have ninety five emails from Amazon and you're like, These are all trash and you can either unsubscribe all together or just delete them all at the same time. Chuck it. Everybody at home, write that down and do that. Put that on your list. It's really great. It's a really good productivity tool, which I is my yeah. Yes. Okay. I like that a lot. This is very unusual for me. Yeah, it's not to have this many emails. It's not on brand for you. Definitely not. But thanks for your honesty. Yeah. So you gonna take care of it? When are you gonna take care of it? I'll maybe by next episode. That that seems too that's too much. That's too much. okay, do you have another any other question? Yeah. okay, have you ever washed the same load of laundry twice because it sat in a wash machine? Or three times. Yeah, and this is not good for the earth and water and you know, it's not good. No. But yeah, yeah. There's been times when I've taken I've opened it up and thought, when did I do this? And I'll pull something out and like just smell it. And if I'll be honest, I'm like, that's probably fine. I'll just put it on the Yeah. But is it I mean, I there's nothing worse than putting on a t shirt that you that's like didn't fully, you know, maybe got a little mildewy or something, and you think it's fine and then you're wearing it and you're like, What's that smell? And you realize it's you. It's coming from you. Yeah. Because my mental load. Yeah. I don't have time to wait for the washer wash again. And let me say, June is also at a point in her life where she's particular about her clothes. Yes. So she wants to wear the same thing over and over again. Yeah. You know, which for my stylish mom heart kinda kills me because I'm like, this is like, look at all these dresses and all these things. But I'm like, let her express herself. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. Yep. But like I'm like, I have to wash this. Yeah. So she's like begging me to like wash stuff. And like I'm like, no, you've worn this swimsuit for four days. It's time. It's time. I would argue that the opposite is not ideal. I have recently had to tell my eight-year-old that she does not need to put the outfit she tried on in the wash. Yes. So we've tried on six outfits and they're all on the hamper. and you're washing clean clothes again. Yeah. Yeah. Also not good for the I actually took the approach of telling my kids, since they weren't helping me with things, I was like, mom aside, my mental oat aside, this isn't good for the world. Right. Hoping maybe that. That didn't work either though. That didn't sit. Didn't hook. yeah, I mean, I also don't do Seamus, my husband's laundry, do you? I don't either. That's not common for moms. He doesn't want me to do his. He's more particular than I am about his laundry. Like delicates, darks and white darks and lights. You don't sort darks and lights? No. I don't. Okay. Okay. And I don't really have any issues. Occasionally, if there's something like super new pigment dyed, sure. But other than that, if it's gone through several times, throw it all in there. It's good. It's good. It's good. I'm I am s I sort. I'll sort piles. That's fine. That's fine. Most people do. That's probably to be advised. Yeah. Have you seen the silly thing that says like there's nothing more satisfying to a woman than a or a man who's doing laundry, whatever. There's nothing more satisfying to the person doing laundry. Than a load gist of towels. Yes. Because you do them and you fold them and you're done. Done. Put them away, you're done. Yeah. Yeah. There's and I also there's a cog in the machine with my life too, because we'll do the laundry, it'll make it back upstairs, and then it's just kinda there. You know, we'll kinda sometimes I have to be in a day where I'm like, today's the day and I'm doing it. And I every load that comes in the dryer I have to fold, I have to put it away. But that's a big I mean that's a big job. yeah. I do I've heard many women that hire out their laundry. I think it's expensive, but I mean, man, if you can afford that, maybe that's a good tip for our busy working moms. I agree. And or working women. You know what I've been saying lately too? What's your time worth? Like and and I know that's that's a phrase, but it's literally Am I is my time better spent making I could work two hours and maybe make the amount of money that it costs for this person to do. How much is the project? Like is this taking you all day? Yeah. And could you pay somebody exactly A little bit to do it and then you actually have the time. More abundance. I know. It's it's it's in s it's intense. It is. The things that we care. And I do think I just wanna tie this into comparison a little bit because I think we have like it's okay if all your laundry's not done. Yes. Or you need to run it through again 'cause you forgot about it. Yes. But I think, you know, s we've talked you and I about social media and just like love hate relationship. and I feel like maybe it's shifting a little bit f that that perfection is not we don't all want to see perfection. I know certainly that's what this podcast is about. There's more people l like attracted to the real messiness, the messiness of it because it's just more realistic. So do you struggle with like comparison? Yes. I know. It's hard. Yeah I do struggle with comparison. I think more in like just the way my life less less I think about me 'cause you know, less about like my fashion or things like that. But more just about like life. Yeah. I do it with homes. Like we have a an old a beautiful older home but it needs a lot of work. And that's just there's a timeline and a you know, a budget budget. Yes, I non existent budget for that. But it's just gonna take time and it's it's hard to s it it It's a something I'd really like to let go of. Mm-hmm. This comparison. Yeah. 'cause it's it's kind of gross, but I mean it's it's it's there. It's I agree. And and also with the mental load and carrying so much and then the comparison there with it too is I realized talking with my therapist. Yeah. Amen. How much of that is do I carry by myself, right? Like how much of it am I not saying like, hey, asking for help? Why why is it so hard sometimes to ask for help? I feel like you should be doing it all. But even just with Shameless My Husband, he he's happy now. He would love to help. Right. But it's it's like if I don't ask for that, then I'm like, I start you know, I'm carrying so much stuff and whatever. And we're like spiraling and like you have so much to do and then you start adding like really ridiculous things like, and I should color code the books. Like you don't need to color code the books. Like just it can get overwhelming where then you start like I mean I guess I spiral from time to time. Yeah. Well I think when you're when you're like already about to drown and then one more thing happens and then all of a sudden it's like there's an explosion, maybe that's just me. No, I think that's explode and you're like, I think it's time I can't do this anymore. And I think we're all trying to figure out and seek ways to like bring yourself down from that. Yes. That massive explosion. Yes. I agree. Can I shift and tell a funny story? About me. About you. Okay. Sure. So we have been Really you've done so much with this podcast, getting things organized. You're very we all know you're organized. And we've been listening to podcasts. We both really enjoy Good Hang with Amy Polar. Yes. and we were talking last night, we were both getting ready to record, feeling a little nervous, feeling a little stressed. And tell me, tell me what you said. Well, okay. Shout out to Good Hang, the crew over at Good Hang, because they're doing an amazing job. Amazing job. It's also a really like easy to listen to light podcast that's not like telling you to change something in your life. It's just like, let's just have a good time. Yeah. Let's have a good day. Let's just like talk about fun stuff. And that's you know. And she has amazing guests. Yes. So Will Farrell, who's one of my favorite people in the world. Yeah. she had him on. It's great. I listened to it. It was so good. Yeah. I mean, and I was like, also, this podcast has over a million views. Of course. So I'm watching this thinking and trying to like Connect a little bit like, okay, so like what can we do for this podcast? You know, you want it to be good and I was like, my god. I was like, my God, we're never gonna be Will Farrell. She texted me and said, I just listened to the most recent episode of Good Hang, and I'm never gonna be Will Farrell. And I was like, Sure not. Sure not. Thank God for that. But it's so easy. She's like, This is so good. And then I'm like, She legit has an entire team of people helping her out, you know, and she's but it's easy to do that in all aspects of our lives. Yeah. I mean, I was at this event with a bunch of other boutique owners and it's I like want to look at their social media and why do you have more followers? Why are you doing this? And why is your hair looks perfect in every one of your photos? And it's this why? Why, why, why, why? Yeah and what can we do to change it for us and to like not have my I mean, but kids are gonna do it too. It's yeah. I think also with a business, like starting my business also as like a solo entrepreneur. Yes. You know, it's all about you and the decisions you make and the how's your website look and how does this look? And like you wanna, you know, present yourself to the world in a certain way. And it's kinda like, but wait, isn't what's most important just that like you love what you do and you are who you are? Why is it feel like there's so much more you have to do to like prove yourself or prove that to people. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's There's and I think there's what's it called? Like busy busyness culture or something where like it's and I find myself doing it all the time. I feel like I need to let other people around me know how busy I am. And that's kind of I don't I don't like that quality about me. I wouldn't say it's a quality. It's a habit or something I've gotten into and I think it is our culture. Like it seems you're so you've got things going on because you're quote busy. And you know what? Everyone does. Yeah. So it's kind of it's a little bit silly that we do that, but I think it's pretty common. Yeah. Yeah. And how much can we, you know, shift off of our burden if we ask for some help. Right. Or just be okay with living where you're at. Yeah. I'm saying that too out loud and I'm like, it's so hard for me to do that. But I think it's important, you know, to live in the moment a little bit more and I just enjoy that. What do you think do you think we can offer our viewers any easy tips to help make make it feel like you have it all together, like a fate till you make it sort of thing? Or just some little things that you can do to make things feel more together even when they're not? Yes. So I have a couple like actual like spatial tips. Let's my jam. Mhm. First one is when you're feeling overwhelmed in your house, overstimulated in your home, which I think if you have kids. Or live with anybody other than yourself. If you feel that way. one tip is to clear off all horizontal services. So your countertop, maybe your coffee table, a desk, if you have a desk, or anything in your main living areas, any horizontal services, clear them all off. Don't keep anything on there. Yeah. it really creates like a lot of visual calmness and it lets your eye kind of go around the space a little bit better. And that's in like you can take take minute and do that. Yeah. And it truly could be, I'm just gonna move this pile of stuff from this table right here into this cabinet and do all the I have that cabinet. I have that cabinet. I need to get to the cabinet. Everybody has that cabinet. my husband does not love the cabinet. I feel like when he can't find something, he's like, It's probably in the cabinet. and it probably is. It probably is. Love it. one that I have, this comes more from like helping women find outfits that they feel confident in. And I do think sometimes wearing an outfit That you feel good in does make you feel more put together for sure. And I tell women all the time, I'm like, think of a time or an event that you were at or a dinner you were at where you were like, yeah, I like this. Like where you sort of are feeling yourself. Yeah. This is good. And then try to like copy paste that. Like if it's a certain style of dress, maybe continue to s seek out more dresses like that. If it's a Jeans and it's line color or something. What was it about it there? Like, well, I was wearing heels and earrings that day. So, like, that was just put your a little more put together. Yeah. And I think that helps, you know, repeat that. Yes, exactly. And it comes back to like what about it made you feel good. Yeah. I love that. another tip I have. Yes. So to help your children around the house pick up their things. Yeah. So I wouldn't. take this approach, but this is approach I've taken recently with Jim. Okay. Because she again, she's really particularly about her clothes right now. So she'll want to change her clothes many times through the day. And we're trying to get her to like just wear you can only wear one outfit, right? But then she'll come out. She's like swimsuit bottoms on and a tank top and like just all sorts of stuff. And then I realized binoculars. Yeah. Yeah. Then I realize I'm looking around, I'm like, my God, there's it's her entire wardrobe is sprinkled throughout the house. Yeah. And it's that's not calm. Not calm. And then I'm like, is this dirty? Is that dirty? It's it's So I And the men the list, the to do list is still there, but you're dealing with all of these clothes. All of these clothes. Right. So I told her threats for children work sometimes. I said, I said, if I see another pair of clothes out here, I'm gonna throw it in the trash can. Yeah. And then Seamus gotten bored and said, Mom threw one of my shirts away last week. And so now I'll just say, June, is there a shirt in the bathroom? She go she'll come running from the other room. Don't throw it away So it's working. It's working. I don't recommend that approach for everybody, but I do recommend a a 10 minute home, like put your home to bed. So like your bedtime routine for kids is like, you do this, this, this, but you also have a home bedtime routine. So maybe it's that, you know, everybody takes 10 minutes. Anything on the floor has to be put away. huh. Any coats need to be hung up. You know, you take a 10 minute and like put the home to bed just like you do yourself. So put your home to bed. I like that. Threats work too. So whichever way you choose, no judgments. I also highly encourage women that have kids that are a little bit older to have them help with their own laundry. Mm-hmm. My older one can do her own laundry and put it away. Yeah. Now what you have to accept is they might not put it away the way you would put it away. yeah. And that's a choice that you just have to make. Mm-hmm. I've had to accept that because I'm a particular folder in my profession. I Yeah. Yes. And But June's three and she can't. She probably can. She's not ready to do all that, but she's definitely not, although she tries and it's very sweet. She tries. But the the drawers are like you know, chaotic and I'm like, This is something I have to walk away from. Yeah, because we all have our own ways. Am I doing something that's making me crazy by refolding these clothes all the time? Why am I doing that? Walk away from It's not a to do list. And you know what? It's a season of life. Yeah, absolutely. Season of life. Like keeping that in mind too that it's not gonna always be like this. Right. For sure, for sure. And then thinking about there'll probably be one day when I look back and be like, remember that? Yes. Or sometimes in the moment you're like, I'm gonna lose my mind. Yeah. I feel minor my kids are a little older than yours and I have come to I never liked the game and doll and stuffed animal clutter around, especially like in our like living space. Mm-hmm. I was wanting to put away, put in baskets, put in cute drawers, whatever. Right. And my youngest is eight now and she like is very into like arts and crafts and beads and drawing and clay and all that stuff. And I have totally accepted having it out. Now when it's time to put the home to bed, I still want to put away. Yes. But I've gotten a lot more like this is okay. Like I love seeing this board game set up. I'm gonna like I'm a mom and this is the moment I'm in. And it's not always like that if I'm in a really crazy, you know, different mo different days, different moods. Right. But just kind of trying to like enjoy a little bit more. Yeah. That your kids are enjoying being a kid. Yeah. I know. You know And expectations are crazy for kids now. So it is. It's it's yeah. It's it's a lot. It is a lot. Carrying mental loads a lot. My only other tip and it was given to me, and sometimes it backfires, but I have tried it, is I don't know if any of our listeners have this problem or if you have this thing where maybe you're trying to go to bed and then you're like, doctor appointment. I need to make the schedule, I need to get a mammogram, whatever. Yeah. And these things are popping up in your mind. Just having like an old school pad of paper next to your bed where you can just like jot it down and be like, I'm gonna deal with that in the morning. Yeah. Now sometimes then it sends you down a rabbit hill full and you're jotting down too many things. Mm-hmm. And that feels chaotic. Yeah. I think that's such a good tip. There's also not maybe meant to do it at night, but David Allen, who is the author of Getting Things Done. I don't know if you've read that. So he does a whole section of called like I think he calls it something different, but like it's like the brain dump. And it's there's triggers for like categories. So every once in a while you're supposed to sit down and you're probably supposed to do it more than, you know, often. You're supposed to sit down and say, Okay, here's a category, bills. And then it makes you think of anything money related that you need to do. Uh-huh. And then here's a category would be like home repairs. Here's a You know, and it's like a trigger list of all these things that's laying like hanging on you. But then you just have all those lists. You do have all those lists. But then you could take my good friend ChatGPT. Yeah. And you could upload some of that stuff to AI and say, Tell me how I could structure my week. Here's my calendar. And this is why she's in charge of a lot of the behind the scenes podcast. She's so good with Chat GPT. Yes. I mean and also you could do Chat GPT, but then you could also just simply look at the list and say Okay. What's like number what are my three top priorities for the week? Right. Right. And then what are three things I can give to somebody else? You know, and kind of start to sift through it that way. I mean it's not a you know, it's not a foolproof plan, but it could help. Helpful. Yeah, it's totally helpful. Yeah. I'm hoping this conversation brings people into like We're all going through that. We all have our own hang ups around Yeah. Yeah. Mental load, comparison, like just all those things that come up as a mom, as a woman. and hopefully everybody can relate to some of the things we were sharing about and have your own stories. Yes, yes. I'm trying to think of a tiny life upgrade to give that's not gonna add to people's to do lists or stress people out. How about just if you're not already doing it, just fill your house with a scent you like? Maybe it's a candle or I like essential oil. I'm an oil diffuser junkie. Okay. What's your favorite? Pretty basic lavender. Okay. Although sometimes I do a little lavender combo with a couple other things. Okay. Yeah. but yeah, lavender's just pumping. You know what I love? Wild orange and peppermint. Have you ever tried that together? No. It's very Very good. Yeah. I wonder what? I also have say it again. Wild orange. Wild orange. And peppermint. I don't know. Okay, I'll try it. I know it sounds weird, but I'm writing it down. I also recently got Chuck It. Speaking of Wellness. Yes. Thanks. I also recently got what's called a room clearing spray. So it's supposed to have things in it that help ground you in your space. I'll try anything. So Lord knows I am around I am just spraying it. Spray the other night Sheamus was sleeping and I got that out and sprayed and it's like sprinkling. I hope it's not toxic. I feel like I know you and it's not. It's not. It's not. Okay, rimspray, wild orange peppermint, chuck it app. I think that's perfect. so remember you don't have to have it all figured out. We certainly don't. See you next time, friend.