Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #442 - Is Nude Too Rude?

Transcript

#442 - Is Nude Too Rude? · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just on answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, there's no problem with nakedness in a family so
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: long as there's a nothing sexual about it, and b
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  Speaker 2: no one's complaining about it or feeling uncomfortable about it.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coilson, the founder of Happy
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  Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au. Before we start today's Valentine's
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Day special edition podcast, some very big news tomorrow on
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  Speaker 2: the podcast. Can't say any more on that right now,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: but big news on the podcast, and I'm just going
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: to drop that hint. Leave it right there. We're not
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  Speaker 2: going to talk about it anymore except see.
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  Speaker 3: It doctor teaser.
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  Speaker 2: Big news tomorrow on the podcast. Make sure that you
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: check it out. Hello Kylie, my wife, mum to our
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  Speaker 2: six kids, and the woman that I should be with
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: today on Valentine's Day. But unfortunately this is the world's
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: longest relocation experience. I'm still in Brisbane and you're still
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  Speaker 2: joining on the podcast by our FaceTime from the coast
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  Speaker 2: where we are still in the process of moving our family.
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  Speaker 3: I'm feeling pretty hard done by being on my own today.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I don't worry. Something's coming to you a
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  Speaker 2: little bit later at your Airbnb on the coast, just
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  Speaker 2: a little Valentine's something.
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  Speaker 3: Is that right?
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  Speaker 2: Because well, you know what, we've got to celebrate the
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  Speaker 2: ones that we love in our lives, and if we don't,
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  Speaker 2: then things can go stale. This is a little something
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  Speaker 2: for you, just to kick off Valentine's Day. Now.
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  Speaker 1: It's for the we.
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  Speaker 2: This is a song that I've danced with you in
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  Speaker 2: the kitchen to how many times, like hundreds of times,
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  Speaker 2: and sang it to you. I kroon, don't I? I
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  Speaker 2: just crooned gently like nat kinkock do. All right? So
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  Speaker 2: happy Valentine's Day, honey, and happy Valentine's Say to everybody
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  Speaker 2: who has a love in their life. Oh, by the way,
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  Speaker 2: last week we did Better Together. It was a webinar
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  Speaker 2: for couples to make your relationship stronger, better, happier. It
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  Speaker 2: went so well. There were so many important things we
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  Speaker 2: talked about. It's available now a Happy Family store, or
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  Speaker 2: if you're a Happy Family's member, it's available in your membership.
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  Speaker 2: It's included in what you already pay Kylie. Anything you
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  Speaker 2: want to mention about Valentine's Day before we move on
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  Speaker 2: to our big topic of the day.
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  Speaker 3: Well, Wendy Harmer actually put a post up way back
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  Speaker 3: in December. Feels like way back because it feels that
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  Speaker 3: long ago. And she shared this. She said, tonight, my
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  Speaker 3: husband will write a small love note to me. They
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  Speaker 3: always begin I love you more than dot dot dot.
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  Speaker 3: It will be there on the kitchen bench with a
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  Speaker 3: packed breakfast as I leave before dawn. He has done
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  Speaker 3: this five days a week, forty four weeks a year
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  Speaker 3: for the seventeen years I've done morning radio. Seriously, that
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  Speaker 3: guy that kind of needs a medal. That's amazing.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's making the rest of us look pretty shabby.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I thought I did a good job, But
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  Speaker 2: forty four weeks a year, seventeen years, I love you
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  Speaker 2: more than did?
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  Speaker 3: You come up with something new every day.
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  Speaker 2: You know what, if Wendy is half the wife that
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  Speaker 2: you are to me, I don't think it'd be hard
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  Speaker 2: at all.
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  Speaker 3: Ah, I'll let you have that.
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  Speaker 2: How am I doing? Am I doing? Okay?
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  Speaker 3: I'm waiting for my poem.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, okay, there's room for improvement, I know. So look,
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  Speaker 2: one other thing that we should mention just quickly about
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  Speaker 2: Valentine's Day. We've got a tradition. You started it after
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  Speaker 2: we had our i think our six papy to let
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  Speaker 2: the kids know that we love them, even though there's
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  Speaker 2: a whole lot of them. Why don't you share that
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  Speaker 2: just briefly.
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  Speaker 3: The pink lunchbox was born seven years ago and hands
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  Speaker 3: down is our children's favorite lunch of the year.
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  Speaker 2: It's a favorite tradition now, isn't it like the kids
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  Speaker 2: love Valentine's Day because of the pink lunchbox.
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  Speaker 3: Well, even when our daughters finished high school and went
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  Speaker 3: off to work, they wanted to know if they were
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  Speaker 3: still going to get their pink lunchbox?
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  Speaker 2: Am I eligible? Now that I'm an adult?
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  Speaker 3: How did you go to this morning with Abi?
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  Speaker 2: I didn't do it, didn't even think about it. Thanks
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  Speaker 2: for the little gilt trip there. I've got my bags
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  Speaker 2: packed and I'm gee whiz. So the pink lunchbox, it's
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  Speaker 2: just strawberry cupcakes and raspberries and fruit. Look everything red
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  Speaker 2: and pink.
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  Speaker 3: Right, anything red pink? And I extend it to purple
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  Speaker 3: just to kind of give them, you know, grapes and
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  Speaker 3: things like that. But there'll always be a little, you know,
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  Speaker 3: a little treat in there. And this year I actually
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  Speaker 3: found some super duper cute little love heart red glasses
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  Speaker 3: for Emily.
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  Speaker 2: That's so great, so great. And the kids, because of
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  Speaker 2: the tradition, they know it only happens once a year,
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  Speaker 2: but this is the lunch that they look forward to
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  Speaker 2: more than any other. It's just a great thing to do.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe there's some parents who are hearing about that and
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  Speaker 2: thinking a bit late this year, but maybe we can
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  Speaker 2: do something pink this afternoon for Valentine's you know, it
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  Speaker 2: doesn't even have to be pick it's just it's something
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  Speaker 2: special for Valentine's date.
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  Speaker 3: I did forget to mention the most important part of
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  Speaker 3: the lunch box is the love note.
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  Speaker 2: Ah.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, and the kids collect and keep them and they're
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  Speaker 3: in a little safe box. But it's it's the favorite
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  Speaker 3: part of their day.
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  Speaker 1: Yep.
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  Speaker 2: And now that I've now that I've had a chance
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  Speaker 2: to think about everything that you do, what I'm going
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  Speaker 2: to do for Abbi, our nineteen year old who's here
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  Speaker 2: in Brisbane living with me at the moment while we
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  Speaker 2: do this relocation. What I'm going to do for her
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  Speaker 2: is I'm going to organize a Valentine Evening something or
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  Speaker 2: other for her, including a love note and a whole
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  Speaker 2: lot of pink stuff, just so that the tradition can continue.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you, Kylie for making me now have more work
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  Speaker 2: to do. It's great though. I'm so glad. It's a
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  Speaker 2: really great idea, and I deserve the I deserved the
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  Speaker 2: kick in the pants. Now our topic for today. We're
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  Speaker 2: just going to introduce the topic now before we take
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  Speaker 2: a quick break and talk about the ins and outs
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  Speaker 2: the intricacies of this issue. Late last year, there was
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  Speaker 2: a note in the paper that caught my attention. Chrissy Teagan,
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  Speaker 2: the very famous supermodel wife of legendary singer John legend.
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  Speaker 2: The two of them have they've got a couple of kids,
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  Speaker 2: a five year old girl, Luna, a three year old son, Miles,
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  Speaker 2: and Chrissy Teagan took a snap which she posted to
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  Speaker 2: Instagram because that's what we do. It's twenty twenty two
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  Speaker 2: with herself in the bath with her two kids, five
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  Speaker 2: year old girl, three year old boy. They're obviously all
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  Speaker 2: in the nutty, but there's bubbles covering them, so it
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  Speaker 2: was Instagram safe, and it set off a firestorm on
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  Speaker 2: social media, as you can imagine, because that's what social
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  Speaker 2: media does. But so many people are really getting upset
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  Speaker 2: some aspects of your life you should keep to yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Not appropriate in front of your son, said somebody, and
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  Speaker 2: a whole lot of things like that. So Kylie, after
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  Speaker 2: the break, we're going to talk about naked in front
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  Speaker 2: of the kids. When is too much? Too much? When
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  Speaker 2: is it perfectly fine? Is there any research around this?
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  Speaker 2: And how do we navigate this with our children? It's
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: the Happy Families Podcast.
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: of Disciplined as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: families dot com, dot au slash shop.
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  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers. Now, let's talk naked
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  Speaker 3: in front of the kids? When is it okay?
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  Speaker 1: So?
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  Speaker 2: I was thinking about this in relation to our family
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  Speaker 2: and what we actually doing. Practice is different to the
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  Speaker 2: answer that I'm going to give you.
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  Speaker 3: Are you admitting to not practicing what you're about to.
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  Speaker 2: Prea Well, I'm happy to practice it. It's just that
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  Speaker 2: it's not what we do. The way our house is
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  Speaker 2: set up, the way we're able to. I mean, we've
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  Speaker 2: got an on suite, we've got to walk in wardrobe.
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  Speaker 2: The kids don't need to ever see me naked. We've
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  Speaker 2: got six daughters, right, and they just don't need to
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  Speaker 2: see me make naked. They and they really don't. And
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  Speaker 2: if they walk into the bathroom while I'm there, we
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  Speaker 2: don't make a big deal about it. But I'm like, hey, guys,
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  Speaker 2: a bit of privacy. And then I'll turn around so
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  Speaker 2: they don't see anything except my bum and they walk
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  Speaker 2: back up and say sorry, Dad. And that's kind of
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  Speaker 2: about it. But I was thinking in the break. When
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  Speaker 2: I was a kid, I remember jumping in the spa bath.
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  Speaker 2: We had a big spa bath in the family home
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  Speaker 2: that was big enough for most of the family to
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  Speaker 2: climb into, and so Mum and Dad would run the
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  Speaker 2: spa bath and fill it with bubbles and turn on
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  Speaker 2: the jets and they jump in in the nutty and
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  Speaker 2: we'd all jump in up until probably maybe the age
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  Speaker 2: of I think I stopped doing it around about the
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  Speaker 2: age of twelve or thirteen. I was pretty uncomfortable with
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  Speaker 2: it by then, but the whole family would all get
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  Speaker 2: in the bath together and there was no there was
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  Speaker 2: nothing sexual about it. We just were all having a great,
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  Speaker 2: big spa bath because it was novel and it was cool.
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  Speaker 3: I actually cannot visualize that.
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  Speaker 2: You don't want to, I can't. No, please don't.
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  Speaker 3: It's funny because I grew up in a house of
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  Speaker 3: all girls by my dad, and we obviously have all girls,
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  Speaker 3: and so it just feels natural and normal for us
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  Speaker 3: to kind of see each other because we're all girls.
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  Speaker 3: We all shared the same part. I don't know whether
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  Speaker 3: that would be the case if we had sons as well.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so that also makes it a little bit different
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  Speaker 2: and a little bit a little bit difficult for us
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  Speaker 2: to make a whole lot of comments. But from a
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  Speaker 2: parenting expert point of view and from a young children
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  Speaker 2: and a sexuality and anatomy perspective, I just want to
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  Speaker 2: say this really upfront, really clearly, there's no problem with
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  Speaker 2: nakedness in a family so long as there's a nothing
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  Speaker 2: sexual about it, and be no one's complaining about it
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  Speaker 2: or feeling uncomfortable about it, Like if everyone's happen to
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  Speaker 2: jump in the bath together, No big deal. It's not
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  Speaker 2: going to cause any kind of emotional or psychological crisis.
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  Speaker 2: There's not going to be any any problems at all,
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  Speaker 2: so long as everybody feels comfortable. And to me, that's
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  Speaker 2: kind of the really short simple answer here. Naked in
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  Speaker 2: front of the kids, Yeah, so long as everyone's cool
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  Speaker 2: about it, and so long as it's not sexual, and
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  Speaker 2: as long as when someone says, actually, I'm big enough
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  Speaker 2: now to wear clothes or I'd rather not see you
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: in the nud anymore, you on to that.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that that's probably the key there. It's
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  Speaker 3: clear communication, so everybody has a choice. And number two,
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  Speaker 3: that you respect the boundaries that your children set. Most
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  Speaker 3: kids get to a certain age where they kind of go,
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  Speaker 3: you know what, it's not cool anymore. This is not okay.
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  Speaker 3: I want my own space, and I really do not
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  Speaker 3: want to see you in the.
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  Speaker 2: Nud I'm just thinking when you said it's not cool anymore,
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  Speaker 2: I'm wondering if there was ever a time where the
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  Speaker 2: kids be like, oh, we're all naked. Cool. But but
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  Speaker 2: I know what you mean when it comes to kids
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  Speaker 2: understanding their sexual body parts as well, Like they don't
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  Speaker 2: really even know much about the differences or anything until
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: they're around about three. They don't start identifying themselves as
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: one gender or another until they're around about three, maybe
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  Speaker 2: even four, depending on the development of the child and
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  Speaker 2: what they've been exposed to and what conversations you're having.
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  Speaker 2: But it's around about there that they start to think
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  Speaker 2: about it. But there is literally no shame in their body.
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  Speaker 2: There's no concern about nudity with kids until typically and
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  Speaker 2: some kids are different, but typically at least the age
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  Speaker 2: of six or seven, and for many it'll be even
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: older than that, depending on what's going on in the family.
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  Speaker 3: It's interesting that you highlight that justin because I think
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  Speaker 3: that so often our children feel body shame based on
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  Speaker 3: the way we respond to our nakedness. And one of
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  Speaker 3: the things that I have obviously been quite confronted by
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  Speaker 3: but also grateful for because it's given me opens to
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  Speaker 3: having conversations with each of our girls at different times,
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  Speaker 3: is when they recognize that my body isn't like the
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  Speaker 3: pitches in the magazine, and they see that things are
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: not quite where they should be, and they're a little
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  Speaker 3: bit saggy or stretched, and we've been able to talk
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  Speaker 3: about the miracle of life that my body has housed,
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  Speaker 3: and how that has been just such a blessing in
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  Speaker 3: my life and something that I just cherish and I
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  Speaker 3: wouldn't change that to have the body that the magazines
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  Speaker 3: show or depict as being normal and beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because it's actually not normal for most humans,
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  Speaker 2: especially mums who've had babies, to look like those people
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  Speaker 2: in those magazines and on the Internet. There's something else
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  Speaker 2: that I think is worth mentioning, just briefly, Kylie. And
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  Speaker 2: that's just the cultural aspect of this conversation. So we
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  Speaker 2: live in an advanced, prosperous Western society and we are
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  Speaker 2: dealing with centuries of conditioning around how we're supposed to
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  Speaker 2: view our body these and how we're supposed to respond
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  Speaker 2: to nakedness and nudity. If we were having this conversation
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: in any number of other countries around the world, whether
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: it's the Scandinavian countries or Asian countries, even somewhere like
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: New Zealand that's fairly similar in a lot of ways
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: to Australia or even the United States, the conversation will
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: be a little bit different. There's some that are more conservative,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: some that are more liberal when it comes to this
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  Speaker 2: sort of stuff, and I just think we make a
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  Speaker 2: really big deal about this in far too many cases
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: when it doesn't need to have a big deal made
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  Speaker 2: about it. Our bodies are normal, healthy and natural. And
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: if the kids have exposure to our bodies again in
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: a non sexualized way because we're in the shower and
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: they've walked into the bathroom while we're there, I don't
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: think that's something that we need to be making a
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: big deal about. Conversations about body safety, consent, and privacy
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: are important, and then kids should be able to make
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: up their own minds and we need to work with that.
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  Speaker 3: So let me sum up today's conversation. I think the
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: most important things that we've discussed it would be clear communication.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: Everybody has a choice, respect boundaries, and our kids are
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: going to be okay if they see us nude.
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  Speaker 2: So let it all hang out happy Valentine's say, Oh
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: that's not what you said. Oh I'm so sorry.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: Okay, Hey, I'm waiting for my love note that says
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: I love you more. We've got at least at least
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: seventeen years ahead of us. You can catch up.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I don't do breakfast radio and neither do you,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: but maybe you can have one each day when you
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: come in to record the podcast with me. What do
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: you think? Maybe okay, I'll work on that. We would
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: love to know what you think. Naked in front of
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: the kids. Jump onto our Facebook page right now, our
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: social media I think is going to be a little
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: bit busy today. Naked in front of the kids. Just
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: jump onto doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook or
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: on Instagram and let us know what you think about
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: the conversation we've just had. The Happy Families podcast, as always,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: is produced by the fabulous Justin rule On from Bridge Media.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. We just love what
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Craig does and if you like more ifo about making
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: your family happier, you can find it all happy families
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: dot com dot I you add a quick note tomorrow
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: big announcement on the podcast see that, Oh my, how rude?
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: How'd you see dive on the toilet