Latest / Secrets They'll Only Tell a Matchmaker with Gina Hendrix / How to Have Boundaries in the Early Stages of "Talking"
Transcript
- 0:00So today, let's talk about boundaries.
- 0:02OK, in the early stages of when you're first in the talking
- 0:05phase on the dating apps, or even not on the dating apps, it
- 0:09doesn't matter. It all applies to the same
- 0:11scenario and how to handle it. OK, hang on.
- 0:13And I'm leveling up my ladies dating profiles with their
- 0:16photos. The goal?
- 0:18The men should coming in should be coming in hot.
- 0:20And a lot of times, I level it up so much, they're coming in
- 0:24too hot. In the case of this young woman
- 0:26who's in Arizona, these men are coming in very hot.
- 0:30So she asked me this question, How should I respond to people
- 0:36that want to take me off the app right away?
- 0:38All right. And she's not the only one.
- 0:39I know this happens to all of you ladies or a lot of you
- 0:42ladies often. So I'm going to tell you how to
- 0:44navigate this scenario. And a few others.
- 0:46Hang on. So first there was this guy, OK,
- 0:50who immediately, this was their first message.
- 0:52She just said, I hope you had a nice day because I tell the
- 0:54ladies, you know, you don't have to say much because if I've done
- 0:58my job and we've done our job of leveling your photos up, you
- 1:01don't have to say much. In the beginning they will be
- 1:03coming in and and not only are they extending the time, of
- 1:06course, that's of course. But then once you crack the door
- 1:09open even just a little bit, hope you had a nice day.
- 1:11This guy like right away, he's like, you know, I hope you had a
- 1:15nice day. I'll be leaving town for a trip
- 1:17with my dad on Friday for six days.
- 1:19Any chance you have time before that for a date before that?
- 1:22Like he wants to meet her right away?
- 1:24OK. It's a lot.
- 1:26I don't recommend doing this, men, by the way.
- 1:29So I told her what I'm going to tell you guys, All right, so if
- 1:32somebody wants to just right out of the gate, meet you right
- 1:35away. While it's flattering, never
- 1:37meet anybody without getting on a call first.
- 1:39OK, so in this case, though, it's not even time for a call.
- 1:43Like there needs to be a little mambo action dancing back and
- 1:46forth just a little bit before you know, if you even want to
- 1:49get on a call with them. So I told her to tell him that,
- 1:51and I usually do voice notes back to my ladies who are on Vox
- 1:55or with me in my program. But anyway.
- 1:57So I told her I said just tell him, just say, hey, that sounds
- 2:01like that might work. But first, let's just have a
- 2:04little back and forth conversation here to see if
- 2:06there's even a vibe happening. Straight straight to the point,
- 2:10OK? And if he's sincerely
- 2:12interested, if he's really interested, then he will be
- 2:14willing to play along. OK, hang on.
- 2:17There's more. And then again, you just do a
- 2:19couple like 3-4 back and forth. They're asking you a question.
- 2:23You ask them a question back and forth and then you can say, you
- 2:26can say, hey, you know, by the way, I'm not really on the apps
- 2:29that much. It might be better to get to
- 2:31know you on a call. What do you think?
- 2:34Don't give your number yet. OK, Then they'll come back and
- 2:36they'll say, sure, I'd love to get on a call and they'll give
- 2:38their number usually. And then you go, well, actually,
- 2:41I prefer if you call me, you give them your number.
- 2:43You. If you don't want to give them
- 2:44your number, you can call within the app on Bumble and maybe
- 2:47Hinge, I'm not sure, but you can even get a Google phone number
- 2:50and have that ready. And then you say, actually I
- 2:52prefer if you call me because I want to see them making effort,
- 2:55effort, effort, not you, them. And then you give them the
- 2:57number and then you have to say, let me know when I can expect to
- 3:00hear from you. OK.
- 3:01But here's another scenario that also happened to her.
- 3:04So I was so excited for her, for this guy, because before I even
- 3:08let my ladies who I'm working with talk to a guy, they have to
- 3:10show me the guys profile and I read between the lines and I
- 3:14tell them what I think of them and if I think they're good
- 3:17enough or not right. I'm teaching them how to pre
- 3:19qualify. Like a matchmaker was a huge
- 3:20part. After you level up your photos,
- 3:22you kind of know how to pre qualify.
- 3:24OK, so in his case, super excited.
- 3:26He's cute, he's everything. But right out of the gate I
- 3:28think this is like his. I think she probably just said
- 3:30something similar to what I say. Hi blah blah blah he comes in
- 3:34hot right away I'm in blah blah blah I reside blah blah blah.
- 3:38Look at my Facebook and then he says and after please just text
- 3:42me. OK, so don't have your social
- 3:45media connected to any of the dating sites.
- 3:48Number 12, as I told her to tell him, she's private, she's not
- 3:52really on social media, doesn't want to exchange her social
- 3:55media stuff. Do not let them look at your
- 3:57social media. You need to contain the
- 3:59narrative. Don't let anybody dig into what
- 4:01you got going on in social media early on in the early stages of
- 4:04dating. Also, she doesn't want to text
- 4:07him okay. She wants to talk to him a
- 4:09little more through message, and then she will give him the line.
- 4:13Hey, I'm not on the apps much. I'd prefer if you call me, blah,
- 4:16blah, blah, OK, This is how you wrangle it.
- 4:18This is how you set boundaries out of the gate.
- 4:21This is how you control the narrative so you don't have to
- 4:23give in and do all this sharing the social media, letting
- 4:26texting them. No, let them lead.
- 4:29But look, make sure that they're putting in effort every step of
- 4:32the way. But that's why you have to have
- 4:34very good boundaries in place out of the gate.
- 4:36All right. I hope it helps.