Latest / Midnight Mystery Stories / Trevor Noah_ _Do You Have Waves in Africa

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Trevor Noah_ _Do You Have Waves in Africa · Midnight Mystery Stories

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: When you grow up in a black family, you have
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: to learn to live the way you'd like to be seen.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: You have to die in a certain way, because you
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: want your family to mourn you when you die.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: White people will cry no matter how you die. In
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: a black family, it's very different. You want respect. If
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: I died while surfing, nobody would mourn at my funeral. No.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: If you told my grandmother I died, she wouldn't even feel.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: You'd come and you'd be like, Mrs.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Noah, Mrs. Noah. She'd be like, yeah, what happened? You'd
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, Trevor's dead. You'd be like, what? How?
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: How did he die? He was surfing. She'd be like, yeah?
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: On the internet. No, no, in the ocean. He was
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: in the ocean. And what was he doing there? He
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: doesn't have a path at home. No, no, he was
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: having fun. Then he can have fun dead. My grandmother
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: doesn't play those games. Nobody would.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: People go out and they surf and they have a
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: good time and they're doing the whole thing on the
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: water and You know, it's the craziest concept to me.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Why would you go out into the wild? There's wild
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: creatures that kill you in the ocean and you are
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: out there on a board. This is you, nothing protecting.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: You, just on a board.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: You know, to me it's the same as going to
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: the Kruger National Park on a skateboard.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: It's exactly the same. It's the same thing. And what's
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: funny is you get eaten by a lion in the
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Kruger Park. People will judge you. Yeah, but what was
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: you doing with a skateboard in the Kruger Park? You
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: can't just show me with a skateboard, skateboard. But then
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: for some reason, if you're surfing and you get eaten
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: by a shark, then people get shocked. They're like, what happened? Oh,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: it's crazy. What happened? Oh, I can't believe it. I
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: can't believe it. What do you mean you can't believe it?
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: There was a shark attack in Cape Town. We were
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: doing shows. This woman comes up to me. She's like, Trevor,
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: did you hear what happened today? I'm like, what happened?
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: She's like, someone got eaten by a shark. I was like, what?
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Where was this? She's like, in the ocean. I was like, yeah,
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: but this is right. That's the way it should happen.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: I was scared for a second. But that's his quote,
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: you know? That's what sharks do. Sharks are known for killing.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: There's no other type of shark. There's no tickling shark.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: That's what sharks do. And that's where sharks are. That
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: doesn't shock me. You'd shock me if you came and
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: you're like, Trevor, someone got bitten by a shark. Where
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: was this? In Hillbrow. Then I'm scared. Then I'm like, ah,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: because now you don't know where it's safe. Now you're
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: just walking and you never know. It's like around the corner.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: And for some reason, I'm picturing a Nigerian shark now.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I'm just picturing you.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: Know because even like if they did that it's like
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: the same shaped head like you know like just like
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: oh man just imagine like a buff Nigerian shark just
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: waiting hey.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: I go to bat you I go to bat you
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: come here so I can bat you come here come
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: here so I can bat you.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: That would shock me. That would shock me. Not surfing.
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: Surfing is a crazy sport. There's no need for you
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: to be in the water at that time. You might
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: get eaten by a shark. I do not feel sorry
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: for you. I feel bad, but not sorry because you
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: knew the thing was there. What's crazy is you even
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: have experts that defend sharks. I don't even know when
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: this started.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: When did we start defending killers?
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Like, we defend them. They're out there in the ocean,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: they're killing and stuff. And then you have these shows. Oh, Discovery,
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Shark Week, 50-50, Shark Experts. And they come out. Hi, guys.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I just want to tell you a little bit about sharks.
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: Did you know that sharks aren't the mean killers everybody
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: paints them out to be?
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Sharks don't even like eating humans. How do you know this?
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: How do you know this?
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: I mean, for things that don't like humans, they've eaten
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: a lot of them, you have to admit. They've eaten
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: a hell of a lot. Surely the memo would have
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: gotten around by now. No, they don't like eating humans.
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: What happens is they get really confused, really confused, because
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: from underneath they see you paddling on the surface, and
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: they mistake you for a seal. They think you're a seal,
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: and they come up and they grab a bite, and
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: then by the time they realize you're not a seal.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: It's too late. It's not their fault. They're just sharks. Like, really?
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Why don't those same people come and defend, like, black
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: people when people are saying black people commit crime, black
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: people crime?
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Like, why don't they have those same people there, you know?
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: Like, all these black stories, robbing people, these black stories,
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: and they come and, ah, well, actually, guys, black people
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: don't like crime. Yeah. What happens is they get like really, really, really,
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: really poor because.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: Of things that have happened in the past.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: And then like some of them resort to criminal activities
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: to try and make ends meet. And so when they
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: see you from far, they just get confused because you
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: look like an ATM.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Because you freeze every time they see you. You freeze.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: And then they poke you and money comes out. Yeah.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: It's not their fault. They're just poor. Yeah. It's a
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: lot of rubbish. That's what it is. Sharks don't like people.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: How do they know? Do they ask them? Yeah, I
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: don't like it.
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: Don't like.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Tastes like my might. I don't surf. I sit on
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: the beach and I enjoy it from there. It looks beautiful.
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: I enjoy it. And I'm sitting on the beach in Malibu.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: And it's during the week, so it's really empty.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: There's just one girl surfing out there, California babe, and
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: she's rocking it, you know? She's got long blonde hair
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: and tan, looking very fake, and just like, you know?
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: She's riding her board and doing her thing, and all
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: those unnecessary surfing moves that people do, you know?
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Just stay here, just stay here.
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: There's no need for, and surely, surely, and sure enough,
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: at the end of it, she's doing those things, and
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: the wave comes like, and I was like, you're dead.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: But she wasn't.
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: She comes out of the water, and she's having the
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: time of her life. And she looks over at me,
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: and she's like, hey there. Are you, like, going to
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: come in? The water's, like, super amazing. I said, no,
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: thank you.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: No, thank you. I'm just going to sit here. I'm
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: just going to sit here and watch you. You're very good.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Keep it up. Keep it up.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: She's like, OMG.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: You talk funny. No, I don't talk funny. You talk funny.
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: Where are you from?
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I'm from South Africa. She's like, oh, wow. Like, Africa?
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: How did you get here?
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: What?
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: I used my monkey grip under the plane. How did
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: you get here? She doesn't even wait for my answer.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: She runs. She's in the water.
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: She's doing her thing, surfing, having a good time, doing
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: those things.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: She comes back out, and now all of a sudden,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: we're best friends. She runs out onto the beach. She's like, hey, Africa. Africa.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, America. So like, you don't surf at all?
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: He said, no, I don't, I don't. Where I'm from,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: we don't really surf. Johannesburg, there's no surfers out here,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: you know? He's like, oh, that's too bad. Like, do
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: you guys have waves in Africa? Do we have waves?
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: A grown human being asks me if we have waves
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: on a continent. Like, no, no, we don't, we don't.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, by the time the water gets outside of the world,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: it's just so tired.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: It's just, you know, so worn out from all the traveling.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: It tries. Do we have waves? She's brilliant. She says
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: this and she runs back into the water. And every
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: time she goes out there, it's like she comes back
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: more stupid. It's like... It's almost like she's fishing for
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: stupidity out there. It's almost like there is a shark.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, ask him this now. Ask him this.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Ask him this.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Because she comes back, and I'll never forget this. Till
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: the day I die, I will not forget this conversation.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: She comes back onto the beach, and she stands next
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: to me, and she's taking off her wetsuit, and she goes, so, like, Africa.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Can I, like, ask you a question? Yeah, go ahead.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: Go ahead. If you're, like, from Africa, have you, like,
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: ever had AIDS?
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: You know what's funny?
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Is I wasn't offended by the fact that she said AIDS.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: But I was offended by the fact that she said,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: ever had AIDS.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Like, AIDS is something you could had, like a passing flu, just,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: you know? Hey, Jono, I didn't see you at work
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: last week Thursday. Where were you? Oh, bro, yeah, I
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: had a bit of AIDS there. It just hit me hard, eh?
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Took some Carenza, now I'm back, bro. Ever had.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: And you know, I know, I know as a child
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: of a continent that's ravaged by this disease, it's my job,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: it's my duty to educate people when.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: I meet them.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: You know, it really is a part of who I am.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: But you know when you look at someone in their
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: eyes and.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: There's no hope.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: It's just that old S-A-B-C tone.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: It's like, doo. It's only two of us and I'm bored.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: I figure, why not have some fun? I look at
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: her and I'm like, yes. Yes, America. I've had AIDS many,
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: many times. She's like, oh, wow, really? Oh, my God.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: So aren't you going to be like super skinny and
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: dead or something?
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: I said, no, no, no. AIDS is not as bad
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: as you think. It's just like chocolate, you know?
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: You just shouldn't have too much at one time.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: You're just like, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS. Oh,
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: too much AIDS, too much AIDS. And then you stop
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: for a bit, and then afterwards you're like, yoo-hoo, more AIDS.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: You know, you just chill. She's like, wow, is it
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: like chocolate? I said, yeah, yeah, you should try it sometime.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: She's like, no, that's disgusting.
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: Then if it's like chocolate, then it's going to get
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: all melty, and it'll be covered in like.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: AIDS chocolate, and it'll be all sticky, and it'll be
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: all dirty. I was like, yeah, then you just take
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: a shower. For the...