Latest / Constellations and all that... / 48. Motherhood, Healing, and the Power of Family Connections with Alana Culic

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48. Motherhood, Healing, and the Power of Family Connections with Alana Culic · Constellations and all that...

• 0:00
  Kiona and welcome to Constellations and all that.
• 0:03
  I'm your host, Tracy Cartwright, and together we will be exploring the world of family constellations with facilitators for and clients from around the world, looking at different perspectives and experiences in the work, having a cup of tea, and just chatting with some friends around their experiences in constellations.
• 0:23
  We'd love for you to join us.
• 0:25
  I hope that you enjoy this series as much as I have loved making it.
• 0:33
  Kiata, everyone.
• 0:34
  Welcome to Constellations and all that.
• 0:37
  Bouncing into spring here in Arta.
• 0:40
  And today, uh, at the beginning of spring, I have the pleasure of chatting with Alana.
• 0:47
  I'm gonna invite you, please, Alana, to introduce yourself.
• 0:51
  Kiata.
• 0:53
  I am Al Klik.
• 0:54
  I am originally from Brazil.
• 0:56
  Klik is my husband's, um, name.
• 1:00
  I'm married with a Croatian man.
• 1:02
  My family's name is Alana Soa bza, and BNA is the Italian side of my family, and SOA is Portuguese, Brazilian native, but there is a big part of my family that's hidden, which is the German side, because they went from um, Germany to Brazil.
• 1:30
  And, uh, they lost.
• 1:32
  They have to change the identity.
• 1:34
  So I don't know.
• 1:36
  My surname.
• 1:37
  My family's surname, which is sad.
• 1:40
  Yeah.
• 1:40
  Yeah.
• 1:41
  And it's been an exclusion there.
• 1:43
  What else?
• 1:44
  You like to what?
• 1:45
  How long have you been here in, so I have been here since 2009.
• 1:51
  I arrived here, I was 20 years old.
• 1:54
  So most of my, I, my adult life has been here in New Zealand.
• 1:59
  I spent, uh, about seven years in Oakland.
• 2:03
  And 2017 I went through a huge life crisis, and I moved to Christchurch and in Christchurch.
• 2:11
  I developed my spirituality and became a healer and a therapist, learning family constellations and many other, um, healing modalities as well.
• 2:22
  Wonderful.
• 2:23
  What sort of other healings do you do?
• 2:25
  So I'm a teta healer.
• 2:26
  Um, I also have, uh, qualifications in reiki yoga and massage.
• 2:34
  That's how I started.
• 2:34
  I started with, um, doing, um, lymphatic drainage massage, um, back in 2020.
• 2:42
  Now, uh, recent qualification in, um, trauma reprocessing.
• 2:46
  So it's a new therapy from Brazil and it's called TRG.
• 2:51
  So it's reprocessing and clearing all the traumas and not only traumas, but unresolved emotions through a person's entire life since when they were a baby in the womb to the actual age right now.
• 3:05
  So it's like a wipe it off.
• 3:07
  So on the physical level, on the physical level, clearing from, uh, the reptilian brain, um, and the body.
• 3:14
  Yeah.
• 3:15
  So I, I like to work in many different levels, so that isn't the physical level.
• 3:20
  Family constellations as seeing the person as a system.
• 3:23
  So working on the family and the morphogenic field.
• 3:27
  Theta healing is when I dig into past lives, even on a spiritual level, but also clearing and reprogramming, limiting beliefs.
• 3:36
  So I would say I'm kind of multidimensional, um, healer.
• 3:41
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:41
  Yeah.
• 3:41
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 3:42
  So with, uh, the physical one, what was that called?
• 3:46
  It's a trauma reprocessing therapy.
• 3:48
  Trauma reprocessing therapy.
• 3:51
  Do they have to come to you in person for that, or is that No.
• 3:54
  Online.
• 3:55
  Online.
• 3:56
  Okay.
• 3:56
  Wow.
• 3:57
  Yeah.
• 3:57
  Yeah.
• 3:58
  This is very interesting.
• 3:59
  Um, so many people when I start explaining, they will compare with something they already know, like, uh, hypnosis, but it's not.
• 4:06
  So we just need to open the minds when they start explaining because it is visiting seems in your life, they're not comfortable.
• 4:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:15
  So I would ask the client to go to those scenes, to those places, trauma, everything like that.
• 4:21
  You know, big traumas, you know, so.
• 4:24
  Some people may feel uncomfortable to visit big traumas as, uh, many people are like, I don't wanna visit my trauma.
• 4:30
  I don't, you know, because it's painful.
• 4:32
  I understand.
• 4:33
  But there is such a huge self-knowledge that you gain when you actually revisit your trauma because you learn so much about yourself, how you feel right now, how you bringing this in your life, how this is affecting your life.
• 4:47
  And so we ask the client to go through the scene again.
• 4:53
  And again and again.
• 4:54
  So the first time would be horrible and uncomfortable.
• 4:56
  The second time could be even worse.
• 4:59
  The third time the client might just burst in cheers.
• 5:01
  And the fourth time, oh, I'm not there anymore.
• 5:06
  The subconscious mind start changing things for yourself.
• 5:10
  Sometimes people will just be like, if it was a thing, let's say mom was being horrible, and then by the five six cycle, no, my mom is hugging me.
• 5:20
  There's nothing wrong anymore.
• 5:22
  So the subconscious might change the story.
• 5:24
  It is really incredible.
• 5:26
  Wow.
• 5:27
  Okay.
• 5:27
  Brilliant, brilliant.
• 5:29
  Hey, now tell me, I've, I've seen some of the things that you've been advertising recently and.
• 5:34
  You're sharing that you're doing some work with moms and pregnancy, uh, constellations, is that correct?
• 5:41
  Or maybe Yes.
• 5:41
  Um, I am a mom.
• 5:43
  I'm, I'm a new mom.
• 5:44
  I have a two years old little boy, Sebastian.
• 5:47
  And for me, motherhood has been actually the number one motivation for me to seek for family constellations for healing.
• 5:55
  And it helped me.
• 5:57
  So much through my journey to know my place in my family, to stop trying to save my mom, to focusing on my, my marriage and my actual life and my actual family.
• 6:09
  Um, so I feel like every single mother needs to have this knowledge because that will bring presence in motherhood and then you let it go of guilt, shame.
• 6:21
  There's so much that goes on in motherhood.
• 6:24
  So by letting go and honoring your family of origin, with all the love and respect actually coming to your place as being the daughter of your parents, you can see your life and you can go to the future with strength, right?
• 6:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:40
  So, so grateful for, um, receiving, um, the constellations a few years, many years before, actually it was like four years before I became a mom.
• 6:50
  I started this work.
• 6:51
  So I grow in maturity and understanding my place and my place as a mother.
• 6:56
  And then I became a mom.
• 6:57
  So there was such a gift from the universe.
• 6:59
  Mm-hmm I'm so thankful.
• 7:01
  So I feel for mothers, 'cause motherhood journey is the worst.
• 7:06
  Like in terms of like challenging.
• 7:08
  Not the worst is the best.
• 7:10
  I love.
• 7:11
  But it's still challenging.
• 7:13
  It can be both at the same time.
• 7:15
  It can be both.
• 7:15
  Yes.
• 7:16
  What am I doing here?
• 7:17
  Where's the manual?
• 7:17
  How do I do this?
• 7:19
  Yes.
• 7:19
  Yes.
• 7:20
  And every, it doesn't get easier.
• 7:22
  It just get different, you know?
• 7:24
  Yeah.
• 7:24
  From the newborn baby, many nights without sleep, many mothers have postpartum depression, challenging birth.
• 7:32
  And traumatic births, which is completely related to your own birth experience with your mother and the postpartum as well.
• 7:41
  Completely related.
• 7:43
  And I would love to share the message that mothers or the, you know, the mothers that the, the, the ladies that wants to become a mom to prepare themselves.
• 7:52
  Really we do need to prepare ourselves to become moms because, uh, we just can enjoy more.
• 8:00
  The experience of motherhood.
• 8:01
  Really?
• 8:02
  Yeah.
• 8:03
  Yeah.
• 8:03
  Because when we are deeper connected to our mothers right, then that flows down through us to our, to our little pepe.
• 8:10
  That's so beautiful.
• 8:11
  And do you do that in groups or is that individual or both.
• 8:15
  So I love working, um, individually with mothers.
• 8:19
  Um, but also we are doing a monthly group here in Christchurch.
• 8:25
  We get the mothers together and it's just so powerful and beautiful because, I dunno more powerful creatures than mothers.
• 8:32
  They're already birth life and you know, they're just, yeah.
• 8:35
  But there is a resistance in the public about exposing yourself as a mother.
• 8:40
  Exposing your emotional pain because with motherhood, uh, for many, um, it also brings shame and guilt.
• 8:48
  Yeah.
• 8:48
  And the fear of seeing something, I'm doing this wrong.
• 8:52
  I think, I think, um, social media has a big part in that, more these days, but I think, I mean, obviously over time as women generations ago, there would've been circles of women like crafting circles or.
• 9:04
  Connecting the red and different things where women got together and they spoke about those things and they, they, you know, they shared about the, the after birth pains and they shared about, you know, like the, the sleepless nights and how, um, yeah, absolutely.
• 9:21
  You know, I had a, and I shared this with my sister and she said she had the exact same thing when, from my first baby to my last baby.
• 9:31
  I had this terrible, terrible fear.
• 9:34
  That my baby would die and I would go and I would check on them all the time.
• 9:38
  I'd put my hand just on their mouth, or I'd shake them awake and then they'd go back to sleep, you know?
• 9:44
  And I was so terrified that I would go and they would be dead.
• 9:47
  I'm lucky, I'm blessed that my mom's sister is still alive and she's 94 and she was telling me recently, so I knew that my great-grandmother had lost five children.
• 9:59
  Oh, wow.
• 9:59
  And my, there was only three that survived.
• 10:02
  So.
• 10:03
  The odds of us being here are pretty good.
• 10:05
  Uh, had been pretty low, but we, here we are.
• 10:08
  Yeah.
• 10:09
  Anyway, she was telling me that when my grandmother was nine, her 2-year-old brother had died.
• 10:15
  And so the grandparents, Sarah and uh, Frederick had gone out to organize the funeral for the 2-year-old, and my grandmother, who was nine or 10, was looking after the, the newborn.
• 10:30
  When they came back from the arranging the funeral, they discovered the newborn was dead.
• 10:35
  My grandmother, who was, you know, just a young one, had been looking after him and she hadn't, she didn't know that he was dead, so that had imprinted in her.
• 10:44
  So, and when I was, I don't know any bigger trauma.
• 10:48
  I know.
• 10:48
  And so telling my sister, she's like, I had the same thing too until they got to a certain age and then it just stopped.
• 10:55
  We both just kind of went, oh yeah, we just kind of stopped.
• 10:59
  But it, it was always in those first few months, so they had lost, um, yeah, five.
• 11:06
  Wow.
• 11:06
  That's so many.
• 11:07
  And wow.
• 11:09
  The trauma imprint that has causing that generation and pass it on to you, creating this anxiety after birth, which we all have, like talking to mothers, they all say that.
• 11:18
  They're like, just check if he's breathing.
• 11:20
  There is a, you know, like a little bit of the anxiety, the surviving instinct and also.
• 11:28
  In the hospital, they are pretty like, you need to be careful with this.
• 11:33
  You know, because of there's a chance that he can suffocate in the blanket so you like, ooh, you know?
• 11:39
  And then the level of adrenaline, because we are on our instinct cause so much anxiety in that stage.
• 11:45
  But a hundred percent, if someone is a mother and they're like all the time thinking that child will die, something happened in the past.
• 11:53
  You're carrying the voices of the past, the trauma.
• 11:57
  Also as a family Constellation facilitator, every time I open a field, I have never seen a bigger suffering than losing a child like that Seems like every time I open, that is the most painful thing that can happen to a person.
• 12:13
  And the grief there, you know.
• 12:16
  That we carry for many generations, grieving and even could be the cause of many suicidal symptoms in many people wanting to honor those lives.
• 12:27
  Particularly in the mothers.
• 12:28
  Yeah, particularly in the mother.
• 12:30
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 12:31
  And the generations that follow that haven't, that grief hasn't been acknowledged.
• 12:36
  The grief and the grief is so big.
• 12:38
  So big and, and even working with past lives as well, which is.
• 12:42
  Out of the constellation work, I pick it up.
• 12:44
  So, so much of people that have lost children in the past life.
• 12:50
  Yeah, so much.
• 12:51
  There was one client and I watched that through a constellation.
• 12:55
  So what I did is I put some, a crystal to represent that child that she lost in the past life.
• 13:02
  And uh, as soon as she saw that crystal, she started crying.
• 13:05
  And then her and I, we start having the visions together, what happened in that past life?
• 13:11
  And then she, I gave her the crystal.
• 13:13
  I said, let it go when you're ready of this crystal.
• 13:16
  And then she went and cried for three days.
• 13:20
  Wow.
• 13:21
  The grief was so big.
• 13:22
  And then of course, in this lifetime, she did not have kids.
• 13:26
  She couldn't.
• 13:27
  Was that part of theater healing and constellations or a lot of healing?
• 13:33
  It's a combination.
• 13:34
  Right?
• 13:34
  Wow.
• 13:35
  So, so tell me, Alana, how did you come, how did Constellations find you?
• 13:40
  Oh my goodness.
• 13:41
  Okay.
• 13:41
  So I was going through lots of crisis, like, love, relationship.
• 13:47
  I was, I just finished a big one and then started like a toxic, abusive one.
• 13:52
  My emotions were high and low, and even the career I loved, I was an interior designer, even that it didn't serve me anymore.
• 14:02
  Yeah, everything was just, uh, crushing, crushing to the ground.
• 14:05
  I had addictions, like I say, it was to smoke marijuana, cigarettes, um, depression, and so much anxiety.
• 14:12
  So much anxiety.
• 14:13
  Then I had my spiritual awakening because I just, I just like, oh my God, there's something really wrong with me.
• 14:18
  What's going on here?
• 14:19
  And then I start practicing meditation and things start changing in my life.
• 14:23
  I came to Christchurch and um, I met Daniel Misa, which I'm very, he was the one that brought constellations to me, so I need to mention honor him and he was my flatmate and he was training and practicing.
• 14:37
  He was my flatmate for a while, and he was practicing and he get me to be representing things.
• 14:43
  And people, and he would represent my father 'cause he felt there was something wrong there.
• 14:48
  And then he would represent my father and like walk to me.
• 14:51
  You know?
• 14:51
  I'm like, oh, you know, and then it was like, it was like that playing, because honestly I did not have the maturity for this work.
• 14:58
  But the first thing I could do is to go on the field and play with that.
• 15:02
  But it helped me massively because after that I met my husband and a, you know, healthy relationship.
• 15:10
  I got married.
• 15:12
  And then I had, um, a family work, a family consolation workshop that I was not impressed by it, and it was quite like a.
• 15:20
  No, what is this?
• 15:22
  Resistance?
• 15:24
  So I, I, like I said, I did not have the maturity for the work and in two, I was happily marriage and then I was like, I wanna be a mom.
• 15:33
  And I was studying architecture, but everything in my life felt so heavy on my shoulders, so heavy.
• 15:38
  You know, I was, start things feeling great and then mm, 1, 2, 3 months down the road, I'm like, uh, what is it's shoulder pain?
• 15:47
  And also problems with my wage.
• 15:49
  And so my teacher, uh, from Brazil, he was here in New Zealand and he did a weekend seminar.
• 15:56
  And in that weekend seminar I finally got a constellation done where I could see what was really going on with me, which was I was carrying my mom in my shoulders.
• 16:06
  I was the savior of my mother because growing up my mother had depression.
• 16:11
  She was suicidal.
• 16:13
  So a, a daughter that sees a mother.
• 16:16
  Suicidal wants to save the mother, of course, but it's not my place now.
• 16:22
  I know.
• 16:23
  But growing up was like that then um, this doctor is an obstetrician as well, so he looks after woman.
• 16:32
  So imagine a doctor.
• 16:33
  There you go there.
• 16:34
  You know, I have this problem and he's like, so tell me about your family history.
• 16:38
  Tell me how was your mom's pregnancy of you?
• 16:40
  So we have that in Brazil, which is great.
• 16:43
  Yeah.
• 16:44
  Yeah.
• 16:45
  I was just fascinated by his, his level of knowledge and, and then I'm like, I was just, I, I was just, I just wanna, now I wanna know more, now I wanna know more.
• 16:53
  And then all of a suddenly here I am doing the Constellation qualification, studying for over a year, I dunno, almost two years, and in a room full of therapists, psychologists, or the doctors.
• 17:05
  And I'm like, what's going on here?
• 17:07
  It's just like, you know, I didn't even.
• 17:11
  Is happening.
• 17:13
  And through when I was studying constellations, there was so many healing, so much healing for me.
• 17:19
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:20
  Healing for my family.
• 17:21
  I could see the miracles in my family, how everybody start to get along.
• 17:27
  Uh, for example, one big miracle was my mother's father run away when she was like 1-year-old.
• 17:34
  And when I was studying constellations, there was this one month that, um, they found him.
• 17:41
  And they had the reconciliation, they got together for barbecue.
• 17:45
  And my grandfather.
• 17:47
  Yes.
• 17:48
  And my grandfather was there and I saw him on no video call.
• 17:53
  And I look at him and I say, granddad, you are very missed.
• 17:58
  And when I say that, I start crying.
• 18:00
  I said crying.
• 18:01
  Oh, it made me cry.
• 18:02
  It's like, yes, so, so emotional.
• 18:06
  Wow.
• 18:07
  I felt the connection.
• 18:08
  It is just like this is constellation in real life.
• 18:11
  I had the tools and knowledge to actually take the moment with him.
• 18:16
  'cause I don't know when it's going to be the next moment to say, you were very mess.
• 18:20
  Like how beautiful to have that opportunity to say that.
• 18:24
  Yeah.
• 18:25
  To have that.
• 18:25
  Wow.
• 18:27
  'cause you were, you were very mixed really.
• 18:29
  There was a big exclusion in the masculine.
• 18:32
  And not only that, one or two weeks after that meeting, my father, which also I didn't have a good relationship for 30 years, I start having a good relationship with my father and he sent me a video of him having a reconciliation with his own mother.
• 18:51
  They never had the miracles in my family and even my own mother and my own father.
• 18:57
  They're friends now.
• 18:58
  Beautiful.
• 18:59
  This work just this work is expensive.
• 19:04
  It's expensive.
• 19:05
  Sorry.
• 19:06
  It goes beyond.
• 19:08
  Just us affect all our family members.
• 19:12
  Mm. And the ripple effect, isn't it?
• 19:14
  The ripple effect.
• 19:14
  That ripple effect, what we do for ourselves and how it flows out and ripples out to the family system and, and if they're ready for it, then sometimes.
• 19:24
  Absolutely.
• 19:24
  Yeah.
• 19:24
  Yeah.
• 19:25
  Very beautiful.
• 19:26
  Yeah.
• 19:26
  So, so then, yeah, just really, really loved, loved therapy world and the healing world and just went for it.
• 19:35
  I left.
• 19:36
  My career, my architectural studies overnight, and I was going for a walk and I was like, what if I leave all this stressful stuff that's not connecting with me anymore and I give it a go studying, you know, I'm studying family constellations.
• 19:53
  I will start massage.
• 19:55
  I already have reiki.
• 19:57
  You know, just give it a go.
• 19:59
  And so I can walk this path of healing myself, helping others, and also gaining knowledge, studying more modalities, because I love that, you know?
• 20:08
  And when I sat there on that walk, I saw millions of people behind me wearing white, and I felt this huge push for it.
• 20:16
  I was like, okay, I think I need to do that tomorrow.
• 20:20
  So I'm like, okay, that's it.
• 20:23
  I'm doing it.
• 20:24
  So I quit everything on the next day.
• 20:27
  And yeah, I'm not gonna say this being an easy journey, um, because I had to, oh.
• 20:33
  Heal myself in so many layers and so deeply, right?
• 20:36
  Yeah.
• 20:36
  But it is, it is been the best.
• 20:37
  I I can't stop.
• 20:40
  I love it.
• 20:41
  Beautiful.
• 20:42
  And I was just thinking about architecture.
• 20:43
  'cause in that way you are, you know, like everything that we do in our lives and how it builds on who we are.
• 20:50
  And with architecture, you are creating the framework, right?
• 20:54
  You, um.
• 20:55
  Building something from the ground up, which, or, and sometimes even rebuilding things.
• 21:01
  Is that correct?
• 21:02
  Yeah.
• 21:02
  Yes.
• 21:02
  Yes.
• 21:03
  And so this is what we are doing in Constellation work as well, just on another level.
• 21:08
  Yeah, that's right.
• 21:09
  If you're meeting someone for the first time, say you were, you're at a barbecue or you are at a party or something, how do you describe constellations to people?
• 21:19
  I was afraid that you would ask me this question because it's so challenging to explain constellations.
• 21:26
  It's something that you need to experience.
• 21:28
  Yeah, but I would say like, first I would say for me.
• 21:35
  It's a path of healing, self knowledge, connection.
• 21:38
  Through this, I found my purpose.
• 21:41
  It gave me purpose, right?
• 21:43
  Someone that wants to know what I do is, I would say, look, it's, it's a modality where you can find out what are the root causes of your suffering.
• 21:54
  And your suffering can be physical, emotional, spiritual, and even, um.
• 22:01
  Financial struggles, struggles, you know, relationships, social struggles.
• 22:05
  It's absolutely anything.
• 22:06
  Through this modality, you can find out if there's any hidden dynamics in your family.
• 22:12
  If there were, um, an ancestor that has suffered trauma and that created imprint in your family.
• 22:20
  Um, in your DNA and has passed it on through generations into you and it's affecting your life now.
• 22:27
  And it's called transgenerational trauma as well as intergenerational trauma, which is the behavior, the patterns, and the beliefs, and that are passed on generation after generation.
• 22:38
  So family conation, we have opportunity to go back there, acknowledge what it is, and uh, hopefully.
• 22:47
  Heal.
• 22:48
  Not always, it's healing.
• 22:49
  But uh, it's definitely a way of bringing things into light so you can see what is causing you the real root cause of your problem.
• 22:58
  And when you go into the root cause, that's when you have real chances of healing.
• 23:02
  Yeah.
• 23:03
  And the healing, it's on you.
• 23:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 23:04
  Um, if you're ready, if you want and if you say yes to it.
• 23:09
  But I think I would say something like that, it would depend for the person because it's just, I always, through my whole career.
• 23:16
  It's been very challenging to explain something really that you need to experience.
• 23:21
  Yeah, yeah.
• 23:21
  I'm the same.
• 23:22
  It's, it's not the easiest thing to explain, but I love asking that question.
• 23:26
  'cause everybody has a different, slightly different take up.
• 23:29
  You know, like a, there might be words that are different and it will resonate for some people and others will hear it through someone else's message as well.
• 23:35
  So it's always, um, great to have the different, the different takes on it.
• 23:40
  Now, you and I were talking earlier about.
• 23:44
  Your lineage and you were sharing that, that you have German lineage, that you dunno where that comes from and, and just, I'm just curious, was that through your father's line?
• 23:54
  Mother's.
• 23:55
  Mother's side.
• 23:56
  Okay.
• 23:57
  All I know is that they were living in Munich, in Germany, in the Second World War.
• 24:03
  They went in a boat to Brazil and that.
• 24:07
  So there was, uh, a father, a mother, and a daughter.
• 24:10
  That's all I know.
• 24:12
  I don't know if there were more people and the father didn't make it all the way to Brazil.
• 24:16
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:17
  There was sickness.
• 24:18
  That's all I know.
• 24:20
  However, I start suffering.
• 24:22
  My mom, for example, she always had asthma in her, always had problems.
• 24:28
  And I also had a little bit, but I don't have a constant asthma.
• 24:34
  I have in specific times in life, which is really weird.
• 24:37
  It's like, it's just triggers, something, triggers.
• 24:40
  And one time I was just coughing or stop feeling very asthmatic, and it was just one week before I, I would go to a constellation workshop with Maya and the thing just start getting worse.
• 24:54
  Uh, coughing.
• 24:54
  Coughing.
• 24:55
  And so I got there.
• 24:59
  I couldn't sit.
• 25:01
  In the group.
• 25:02
  I went to the bathroom coughing.
• 25:03
  I had visions of blood.
• 25:05
  I was like, no, not happening.
• 25:06
  It's just visions.
• 25:08
  I was like, okay, go back.
• 25:09
  Maya was like, I want you to be the first one to have a constellation.
• 25:13
  I was like, now I can handle.
• 25:15
  In the constellations, it showed that not only, you know, my mom had lots of mental health issues, um, through her entire life, which now she discovered that is A DHD, but she had a very traumatic childhood.
• 25:31
  So I always thought all my mom's mental health issues comes from her traumas in childhood.
• 25:37
  But in the constellations, I could see them.
• 25:40
  No, it's from before.
• 25:42
  It's really from before.
• 25:43
  And that's what Constellation finds the root cause of the problem.
• 25:46
  Right.
• 25:47
  And even heals the relationship between a mother and a daughter that no other modality can do for you.
• 25:54
  You know?
• 25:55
  Yeah.
• 25:55
  So we opened the field and straight away there has been a war crime.
• 26:01
  My family in Germany committed a war crime.
• 26:04
  They gave names, they pointed someone, uh, there was two people on the floor representing the people that died.
• 26:11
  And my great-grandmother, she, the lady was representing her.
• 26:15
  She was like, no, I didn't do it.
• 26:17
  Not admitting, not, not saying that she did, but she did.
• 26:20
  She, it was her, her fault.
• 26:23
  And so those two people on the ground, my mom, my mom was honoring them.
• 26:28
  So my mom went to the floor.
• 26:30
  So I see my mom has a history in her life of being suicidal, honoring.
• 26:35
  Those people that my family caused harm, those people went into a gas chamber, and that's why I had so much, I was coughing and seeing blood and asthma, and so my mom also had asthma her entire life.
• 26:49
  She wouldn't go near saunas and places like that, close places, never claustrophobia.
• 26:55
  All this stuff.
• 26:57
  And the, the level of Jesus association that my mom always had in her life, I could see in the future.
• 27:04
  It was like she was protesting, being born in that family that has committed the crime.
• 27:10
  So, so was that her mother was the child that came over?
• 27:14
  No, it would be my mother's grandmother.
• 27:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:17
  My great-great-grandmother.
• 27:19
  Yeah.
• 27:20
  My great-grandmother, of course, you're quite a bit younger than me sometimes.
• 27:23
  I forget how old I am.
• 27:25
  My mom is very young.
• 27:26
  My mom is 50 something.
• 27:28
  She had me when she was 16.
• 27:31
  Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 27:33
  My father was 18, my mother was 16.
• 27:36
  And with all those challenges where I could see in the field, and it was, uh, you know, I don't know, many people call it because after that they went to Brazil.
• 27:49
  And the great-grandfather didn't make it.
• 27:53
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:54
  And I did another constellations to, because I was having asthma again, and we could see that when people were sick in the boat, they don't wait for them to pass away.
• 28:07
  They just throw them out away in the sea because otherwise we'll contaminate everyone on the boat.
• 28:13
  Yeah.
• 28:13
  Well, like with TB or something like that.
• 28:15
  Yeah.
• 28:16
  Yeah.
• 28:16
  So he, he would draw in a sea.
• 28:19
  Yeah.
• 28:20
  And there was another cause of age.
• 28:22
  And then my family come to Brazil and the next generation, so this generation, the, my great grand, my great-grandmother, my grandmother and my grandmother, huge misery, violence, abuse, just horror.
• 28:37
  They went through horror and my mom as well.
• 28:39
  Her childhood, absolutely.
• 28:41
  You know, misery, they went hungry, violence, abuse, everything that you can think of.
• 28:47
  They went through.
• 28:48
  My mom, she, you know, with all the challenges that she had, she gave me a bit, a very good life.
• 28:55
  She worked really hard and she gave me great education, even being in New Zealand because of her.
• 29:01
  So she took our family from purity from misery scar.
• 29:06
  So she made this her purpose.
• 29:07
  She become the most wealthy person that she could be, but she was not present emotionally.
• 29:14
  How, how could she be?
• 29:16
  Yeah.
• 29:17
  She was, she didn't have Stuck in survival.
• 29:20
  Yeah, survival.
• 29:21
  Absolutely.
• 29:22
  Um, and after this constellations, there was no need for having a chat with my mom.
• 29:27
  This is how I feel.
• 29:28
  You know that being a child wanting more.
• 29:31
  Absolutely not.
• 29:32
  I was like, okay then Mom is mom, she's this.
• 29:36
  Always.
• 29:37
  Well, finally I find like a, a good, you know, beautiful.
• 29:41
  That you were able to do this.
• 29:42
  Like you said, before you became a mom, you got the opportunity to, to clear that, um, mm-hmm.
• 29:48
  Within you, before you, um, before you became a mom.
• 29:52
  That's amazing.
• 29:53
  That's fantastic.
• 29:55
  Yes.
• 29:55
  Great, great.
• 29:56
  That's what I love about these, these conversations because they can go all over the place and, uh, I love it.
• 30:02
  So just for the listeners and the viewers, so Alana and I have been in contact for a little while, but this is our first actual meeting.
• 30:08
  So we're, um, we had a little corridor before the, the recording so that we could, um, yeah, just feel into each other and, you know, it's always nice to have the conversations.
• 30:19
  It's a little bit different to, to emailing and texting, isn't it?
• 30:23
  Is there anything that you would like to share with the listeners and the viewers?
• 30:27
  I think that we, yeah, I think we cover everything because you know, like how I come to my purpose, motherhood, um, the, the story of the family.
• 30:37
  We don't talk about ayahuasca.
• 30:39
  We did talk about ayahuasca before and, uh, what were you sharing about that?
• 30:45
  They are, it's like a constellation each time you've had it.
• 30:49
  If I ask, um, I had it one time, so I'm just gonna just, we would say ayahuasca, just so that the listeners, it's just, you know, just to clarify the accent with Ayahuasca, I did that ceremony once when I went to Brazil in 2018.
• 31:05
  Um, you know, in Brazil we have the Amazon, we have the, the natives and all the spirituality that comes with that.
• 31:13
  All the, you know, the mm-hmm.
• 31:15
  The tribes, the native tribes, shamans.
• 31:18
  Um, shamanism, the Brazilian shamanism was pretty big, and Brazilian spirituality is big itself.
• 31:25
  You know, in Brazil it's a very spiritual country and they have embraced constellations in a way that it's everywhere.
• 31:32
  It's so popular.
• 31:34
  So, in 2018, I was invited to do, I, I was a ceremony and I, I got there and it was a beautiful spot, high up in the mountains.
• 31:46
  I took the drink that was very bitter and I sat there in a meditation.
• 31:52
  All of a suddenly I start feeling those vibrations of unconditional love coming like waves in my body and my third eye opening.
• 32:02
  But it was so beautiful.
• 32:04
  It was like vibrant colors of nature, creating patterns and dancing with me.
• 32:10
  Like playing with me, you know, inviting me to a trip, you know?
• 32:16
  Mm-hmm.
• 32:16
  Those beautiful images of nature and colors and vibrant colors, and the things start getting really fast.
• 32:24
  And the love and the fast.
• 32:25
  This opens, the love would arrive and go through my body to the moment that I, I was like, I didn't know that it was so much love, and I start crying.
• 32:34
  I was overwhelmed with emotions because of the love I felt, and the images would just show up and I would see, for example, I remember very clearly seeing a Michael in gold, bright gold and blue.
• 32:49
  There was no other color than gold and blue.
• 32:52
  Very bright brightly like.
• 32:55
  And their love.
• 32:55
  And the love and the love.
• 32:56
  And then the medicine guide me into my healing, into thinking of each person that I have had conflict in my life.
• 33:07
  And, uh, I had no knowledge on healing.
• 33:11
  The plant guide me into thank, thank thanking, and it was beyond forgiveness.
• 33:19
  It was just.
• 33:21
  To thank you.
• 33:22
  Every person that calls me ha that it was beyond forgiveness.
• 33:27
  It was just a big thank you for being a service with me.
• 33:32
  I have never, um, experienced ayahuasca, but I do know a facilitator in Australia who, um, facilitates constellations during an ayahuasca ceremony.
• 33:43
  Wow.
• 33:44
  Yeah.
• 33:45
  Yeah, they do it I think for three or four days.
• 33:48
  And then over that time people are, are, um, obviously consuming the, the ayahuasca and receiving constellations.
• 33:56
  And in my practice I do use cacao.
• 34:00
  Mm-hmm.
• 34:00
  Because, uh, I know that you, you have done workshops with cacao too, because it really opens our heart.
• 34:06
  You drinking a cow.
• 34:07
  Absolutely.
• 34:08
  Yeah.
• 34:09
  It does.
• 34:09
  It opens our heart and our intuition in a gentle way.
• 34:13
  Um, and I also have another thing that I do, which is theta healing.
• 34:20
  Mm.
• 34:21
  So, so first is the cacao and then this theta.
• 34:25
  So I bring people to the theta brainwave.
• 34:28
  And in the theta brainwave is the actual connection with the creator, the unconditional love, the light.
• 34:34
  And so we arrived there and we stayed there.
• 34:39
  Through the workshop.
• 34:41
  When the workshop finish, then I will do some healing downloads, um, picking up whatever the group needs, and I will split everyone energetically.
• 34:51
  So we are all very clean and wash in the light of the creator and unconditional love.
• 34:56
  And then I'll bring everybody down the, you know, back to earth and back into their own hearts.
• 35:03
  So I don't have ayahuasca, but, uh, the theater, uh, brainwave takes people into a more, a higher place.
• 35:13
  They do.
• 35:13
  It does.
• 35:15
  Can you explain theta brain, theta?
• 35:18
  It's T-H-E-T-A, isn't it?
• 35:21
  Yeah.
• 35:21
  Theta.
• 35:22
  Theta brainwaves.
• 35:24
  What we are, what are we in when we're not, um, in the United States, we are, I just can't remember everything right now.
• 35:33
  Goma Alpha better, I think we are in better.
• 35:36
  Mm-hmm.
• 35:37
  And better and better is we, you know, conscious talking, knowing our environment.
• 35:44
  Alpha.
• 35:45
  It's the relaxation that we get with Reiki, energy healing, and we get with, um.
• 35:51
  Breathing gently meditating.
• 35:53
  And theta is when we go into a deep sleep, it's the deep sleep stage where we access our subconscious mind.
• 36:03
  It's when we, our eyes go into the movement.
• 36:06
  That is when we are in the theta brainwave through theta healing through this modality.
• 36:11
  We can be in that and still be in presence because, um, the studies with Teta healing was that we are going to.
• 36:19
  A meditation that guides us all the way up into the creator, into life and love.
• 36:23
  And as soon as we say creator of all that is, our brain goes into theater because it recognize the source of creation.
• 36:32
  So just by saying creator, we go into that because we know that it's a time to connect with the creator.
• 36:40
  Beautiful, beautiful.
• 36:42
  There you go.
• 36:43
  Things that, I dunno, I, I mean, I've heard of theater, brainwave theater healing before too.
• 36:48
  So, um, probably when you going into a deep state, me stage, when you're doing a very deep meditation, you can feel.
• 36:56
  That you are in a theta brain wave.
• 36:59
  But this modality teach us how to get there in a very quick.
• 37:03
  People that spend, let's say days meditating practices, that they go into saunas or they go without eating for days in.
• 37:11
  So they can get into this, the brain wave, uh, in a conscious way.
• 37:15
  And this modality teaches us how to get there in a very easy way and then be with it, and then do healing from that space.
• 37:25
  So.
• 37:26
  Beautiful.
• 37:27
  I was once at a, um, at a gathering where it was a small private gathering where people were ingesting bufo, which is the secretion from the toad and it's, they call it the God molecule, and lasts for about 15 minutes, and I was booked to experience this.
• 37:46
  And, um, my ego was like, yeah, I wanna do this.
• 37:50
  I wanna connect.
• 37:51
  And my body was like, no, you're not doing this.
• 37:55
  This, your body's not in the right space for this right now.
• 37:58
  But I still felt really called and Spirit was telling me I still had to go.
• 38:03
  But I wasn't to ingest anything, so that was cool.
• 38:07
  And the people were really happy for me to, to go and, um, and I went there and when I, while I was there, another woman came along, she came a bit later and she had come with the, I'm not sure if I'm gonna do this, because she had in her earlier days, experienced epilepsy.
• 38:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 38:29
  So she really wanted to do it too, but she didn't feel, she wasn't a hundred percent, she was kind of like 95%.
• 38:35
  And then she walked in the door and she saw me and we've, we'd met a few times.
• 38:40
  She saw me and she says, oh, 'cause my friends call me Cosmic Cosmic mama.
• 38:44
  Cosmic mama is here.
• 38:46
  I cannot do this.
• 38:47
  So I sat behind her.
• 38:51
  She, she took the medicine and I didn't take it, but I felt it.
• 38:56
  I felt the experience of what she was having energetically without even consuming it, you know, and it was, it was beautiful.
• 39:04
  It was a beautiful experience.
• 39:05
  And to acknowledging on another layer of the things that I've been able to feel and, you know, and how we do in the, in the constellation realm as well, that, uh, it, for me, for when I was younger, all these different things that I used to feel and not understand.
• 39:22
  Just a reminder of how interconnected we were.
• 39:25
  But that was a beautiful journey to be with someone while they were having their experience and to receive from that as well.
• 39:32
  You are receiving energetically because you have a, a level of sensitivity that you don't necessarily need to take it, uh, in your body.
• 39:41
  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 39:43
  But knowing that when I was younger, I might not have had so many.
• 39:46
  Who knows what I would've had.
• 39:48
  I was a bit of a rebel.
• 39:49
  Yeah.
• 39:50
  I did all sorts of things in my youth anyway.
• 39:53
  Yes, I used to do marijuana for seeking the connection with spirit.
• 40:00
  Like I was explaining, we are learning that the healing as well, that every plant medicine or they are like entities and they have their own agenda, they will, um, many people will get caught on using it and getting addictive, even though if the first time you try is for spiritual purpose, but if you let it go of your needs to connect with those, those plants like.
• 40:25
  It's like you are relying on something external for your inner connection because we need to remind that we are the divine.
• 40:32
  Yeah.
• 40:33
  It's in, it's in in us.
• 40:35
  Yeah, because you shared earlier too that, um, in Brazil sometimes there is, people are having ayahuasca every weekend, so that's a big journey.
• 40:45
  It must be big on the body and the, and the disconnection from other.
• 40:51
  Family members when the disconnection of being walking on earth and having responsibilities, that's the famous, uh, the spiritual bypass, then we are incarnated for a reason.
• 41:02
  We need to walk this path and leave the, the frustrations, the dramas.
• 41:07
  We need to leave what every each day brings us and learn about us.
• 41:12
  Absolutely.
• 41:13
  I do think some plants have great, um, great benefits and, and when we use them mindfully, they can be, um, a great resource for us.
• 41:22
  But when it's used to leave for others, it's not so beneficial.
• 41:28
  Not so beneficial.
• 41:29
  It becomes an addiction like everything else.
• 41:31
  Um, like alcohol, like.
• 41:33
  In a constellation, I, I learned that alcohol is like having a, something for you to lean on it to support you in life.
• 41:41
  And that's what addiction is.
• 41:42
  It's something to give you the support because you can't handle life by yourself.
• 41:47
  Mm. Anguin just talks about alcohol as a way of getting closer to spirit, getting close to spirit, and yeah, so many reasons, right?
• 41:56
  Mm-hmm.
• 41:57
  And yeah, one day I did a consolation for.
• 42:01
  Alcohol in a family that that was passed on for generations.
• 42:04
  I did more than once.
• 42:05
  Actually one time I went on my own and I did a workshop there and everything that show up in a workshop for each single person was alcoholism.
• 42:14
  And, um, there were different reasons.
• 42:16
  There were, um, transgenerational traumas and there were intergenerational trauma.
• 42:22
  One was one, a big one was there a person was.
• 42:28
  Many generations ago adopted, and that has caused the, the emotional pain that was covered with that behavior in the family.
• 42:37
  Yeah.
• 42:37
  There's so many different reasons why the alcohol can be flowing through the system, right.
• 42:43
  Yeah.
• 42:43
  What is, so it's like it's a cru crutch in English.
• 42:45
  Is that how, how we say something that we use to support us walking in life?
• 42:50
  Oh, a crutch.
• 42:51
  Yeah.
• 42:51
  A crutch, yes.
• 42:53
  How would someone get hold of you if they wanted to connect with you?
• 42:56
  I know that you shared stuff with me that I'm gonna share in the links below, but sometimes people are auditory so they like to hear.
• 43:05
  My website is Yeah.
• 43:07
  Um, bud.com.
• 43:09
  I love sharing content on Instagram.
• 43:12
  It's Alana Ray, Kuli, C-U-L-I-C-I also, yeah.
• 43:18
  Also on Facebook as well.
• 43:19
  Mm-hmm.
• 43:20
  So Facebook, Instagram, website, and YouTube.
• 43:22
  Alanna ray, ick.
• 43:24
  Fantastic.
• 43:25
  Fantastic.
• 43:26
  Well, it's been so lovely to have you hear, sharing, sharing your, um, your wisdom and your gifts and to connect and yeah, look forward to meeting you sometime in person.
• 43:38
  Thank you so much for inviting me for this experience and this lovely chat and I felt really comfortable here sharing my story.
• 43:47
  It is a gift.
• 43:48
  It's a pleasure to be here sharing my story.
• 43:51
  It's great to know that you're there in Christchurch.
• 43:53
  So if anyone's down in the south island and you are listening to this, um, reach out to Alana and Yeah.
• 44:01
  'cause you don't just do family, uh, pregnancy and mother.
• 44:06
  No.
• 44:06
  Anyone that needs help and wants to change the perspective in life and grow maturity and it's ready for some healing, doesn't mind sharing a tear.
• 44:21
  Yeah.
• 44:21
  Yeah.
• 44:22
  It's that, isn't it?
• 44:24
  Let the waters flow.
• 44:26
  Beautiful.
• 44:26
  Thank you so much.
• 44:28
  Thank you so, so much.
• 44:30
  Thank you for listening.
• 44:32
  Head over to Instagram and tell me what's resonated for you with this episode.
• 44:36
  You'll find me at Tracy dot Cartwright.
• 44:40
  That's Tracy with no e dot Cartwright and the or head over to my website, Tracy cartwright.co.nz and receive a free audio with the gift from your ancestors.
• 44:52
  So until next time, be kind to yourself and have fun doing it.