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Diva Mia Details:The Path to Personal Growth by Denying Comfort · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
• 0:05
  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits.
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  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
• 0:31
  Well, hello, this is Diva Mia, and I wanted to take a moment to chat with you
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  a little bit about being comfortably miserable.
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  You know, in life, sometimes we get comfortable in what we're doing.
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  Comfort is kind of the death of growth. And when you get so comfortable in something,
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  you miss looking at obvious red flags or things that need change because you're comfortable.
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  Change requires growth, and change sometimes can be fearful,
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  which is the opposite of being comfortable.
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  One of the things I wanted to talk to you about today was being comfortably
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  miserable, as I like to call it, or miserably comfortable.
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  You can be miserably comfortable in a career. You can get stuck in a job that
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  you hate, or maybe a job that doesn't have the ability to promote you, but it pays your bills.
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  You're there just because it pays the bills. You dread waking up every morning
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  on Mondays, you hate going to work, you're uninspired, and you're burnt out.
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  When that happens, you have to remember that you get to choose.
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  A lot of times those choices will push you out of your comfort zone.
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  To grow, you have to get pushed out of your comfort zone. If you're in a job
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  that you can't advance because maybe you've hit a ceiling, if there is a ceiling.
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  Or there's just no much further to go, it may be time for you to start looking
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  outside of your comfort zone.
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  If you're thinking about quitting or a better life elsewhere,
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  or if you have something you love and you've just been holding yourself back
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  from doing it because you're comfortably miserable.
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  So what I would recommend when it comes to career is that you move forward with
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  something on the side. It's joining a team.
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  Company that you can work part-time until you actually can transition.
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  Or maybe it's starting your own company. Coming up with a product to sell or
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  a service to sell, you have the ability to create what you want.
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  If you have an artistic talent, maybe it's taking your hobby to the next level.
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  My only recommendation is when you do this, is you have to dive all in.
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  Don't halfway do it. So if you're working full-time, say, as an accountant,
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  you want to write children's books on the side or something like that.
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  My recommendation is you jump all the way in.
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  You don't just dabble because if you dabble, you're never going to have an outlet
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  through that new source.
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  And give yourself a good solid 90 days of really focused effort and see if you
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  can turn it into a career.
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  It may take six months of focused effort depending on what it is,
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  but give yourself a clear vision.
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  See if you can make it replace your current income. It's going to push you out of your comfort zone.
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  You're going to have to learn things you don't know. You're going to have to
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  grow in ways that you have never grown before. You may have to get some certifications
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  or something like that or extra education. But once you do, you're going to
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  realize that it's a better way.
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  Sometimes your family keeps you miserably comfortable.
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  And when I say this, I'm not just talking about your spouse.
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  I'm also talking about your family.
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  Sometimes you have a mother or father you tolerate, but they're verbally abusive
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  and toxic to you. They're constantly criticizing you.
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  They're passively aggressive or they manipulate you, but you sit around and you take it.
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  The problem with that is it's not going to improve.
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  So until you set boundaries and you stand up for yourself, it's going to continue.
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  It's going to emotionally drain you. Every time you go to a family gathering,
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  you're not going to want to go.
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  Then all of a sudden you just resent going and you, maybe you don't show up
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  for a wedding or maybe you don't show up at a family reunion.
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  And it's because your family is making you miserably comfortable and you haven't
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  taken the initiative to take a step back and say, no, I'm not going to tolerate
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  this any longer and explain to them why.
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  Sometimes we keep the peace in families just so we go along to get along.
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  You're sacrificing yourself and you're sacrificing your inner peace in order to do so.
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  And there's relationships with like your interpersonal relationships,
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  whether it's friends or whether it's husband, spouse or just a boyfriend.
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  A lot of times what we will do is we will enter a relationship.
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  Again, we go along to get along, and then we find out that they're not what we want.
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  And instead of breaking up with them, we stay.
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  And I, this one stays, you know, true to heart for me, but sometimes you stay longer than you should.
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  There's signs that you should leave, and maybe even try to leave and then you
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  go back. Reality is, is you're going to have to do some major change,
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  especially if you're in a marriage.
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  If it's making you that miserable, there's marriage counseling.
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  There's things you can do to spice up relationships.
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  There's ways to make it work if you want to. The question is,
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  do you want to? Maybe you try.
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  You try and you don't get ahead. Or if you try and the other person's not receptive,
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  maybe you try something new.
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  But at a certain point, there's going to have to be a point of no return.
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  Don't cheat on your spouse. That's not a good way to end a relationship.
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  Don't lie to your spouse in order to get out. Be the better person and say,
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  look, I'm just not happy.
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  And maybe they will change. But if they don't, you have the right to leave that
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  relationship. You have the right to leave a friendship.
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  So if a friend is constantly putting you down, is constantly nagging on you,
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  or is constantly judging you, maybe it's time for you to re-evaluate that friendship.
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  And sometimes it's best to just step away.
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  Sometimes it's best to step away from romantic partners, and sometimes it's
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  best to step away from friendships. When you do so, you'll find it's very empowering.
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  It's going to be tough at first. I will say it's always a challenge at first.
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  But what you're going to do is you're going to find yourself again.
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  The joy that you have waking up in the morning when you know you're free and that...
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  You have your own inner peace will make up for the challenges that you're going
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  to have to endure when you leave that marriage or when you leave that friendship
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  or even when you leave the family.
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  I have personally gone through several different aspects of this.
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  I've even had family members that did not like me because of my political affiliation.
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  When that happens, it's their choice to not be friends with you or keep you
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  in their family circle or their family unit.
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  And it's my choice to not beg for them their approval. And I wasn't going to.
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  Sometimes it's just best to walk away.
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  They come back wonderful. And if they don't, that's okay, too.
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  It's never a good idea to try to force someone to care for you or force someone
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  to be part of your inner circle. Deep down, you know you deserve better anyway.
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  That familiarity, sometimes it keeps us stuck because the unknown is so scary.
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  The unknown is so challenging. Then there's your health. So what do you do about
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  health? There's a lot of people out there that are miserably comfortable with their health.
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  They know they should do something. They know they should get off the couch.
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  They know they should change their diet.
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  They know they should go exercise. But exercise for people, especially if you're
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  obese, is painful. When a person's miserably comfortable, there's more pleasure
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  in their misery than the pain of change.
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  And sometimes you're going to have to work through some change.
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  You might feel sluggish. You might not be able to climb stairs.
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  Your joints might hurt. You might have an autoimmune. But you've got to push
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  through the pain. And chronic pain is challenging, and I've been there.
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  And you just have to push through.
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  It's a reality of life. But I'm telling you, what's on the other end of these
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  challenges, whether it's family, relationships, career, or health, is worth it.
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  If you constantly focus on your goal instead of the process and just reinvigorate
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  yourself with the goal, you'll find a solution that makes you happy.
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  So, for instance, if you keep telling yourself to eat better,
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  but you don't, maybe you need to work on, okay, this is temporary.
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  I'm going to change these certain things. When I come off my diet,
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  I'm still going to keep most of it, but I'm going to have maybe a cheat day or something like that.
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  So you actually do see a light at the end of the tunnel. And exercising.
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  People stay miserably comfortable because making their health worse and worse.
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  Because they don't like to exercise. So maybe it's time for you to choose something
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  that you enjoy doing, whether it's a team sport or swimming or pickleball or something like that.
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  You can do exercise. It doesn't feel like a chore and it gets you active.
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  And then as you do more and more of it, you can add in weights potentially.
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  You can add in yoga. You can add in Pilates.
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  You can add in a dance class, whatever you would like to do.
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  But stay in the moment of what you're enjoying right now so that you can make that change.
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  Because change starts from within. It doesn't start from someone else.
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  All of these things I hope you've heard, you have to take accountability for you.
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  And until you do so and stop blaming other people for your bad genetics,
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  for someone causing you harm in the past, or from a bad childhood,
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  shit happens to all of us.
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  And the reality is, is once you get over that and realize shit has happened
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  to everyone, your shit's not so be.
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  And some people have a lot more shit, not to talk too much about shit, than you.
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  But some people have had a lot
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  more stuff happen to them and they've done better. So keep that in mind.
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  Other people have had a lot rougher than you and they are succeeding because
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  they got their mindset back.
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  Getting rid of comfortable misery is about getting your mindset back.
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  It's about embracing the change.
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  It's about embracing growth. You have to keep telling yourself to do the next thing.
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  You have to push through those mornings when you're so tired and you got to
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  kick yourself out of bed in order to get moving.
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  You've got to get a tight, tight schedule.
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  Once you have a schedule, it's much easier. And then you need to have weekly.
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  Clearly defined goals off of your main goal in order to keep motivating yourself. It's a challenge.
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  It's a challenge for everyone, though. And those that succeed are the ones that
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  can push through with their mental mindset and not go back to the comfort and
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  not go back to the comfort level.
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  The other thing with health, I know a lot of people, they're miserably comfortable
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  in their health because their partner or their friends don't work out.
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  So it might be time for you to look at your inner circle and get five new friends that are healthy.
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  Go to the gym and meet some people. Go join a sports team where the people like to work out.
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  They say you're like the five people closest to you. I don't know if you believe,
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  but they've done studies and you can see energy fields of people.
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  So if you're in close contact with people that are within three to four feet of you,
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  you're interacting with their magnetic field. There is something to that.
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  So if you're hanging out with a bunch of people that just want to sit on the
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  couch and watch movies all weekend and drink or eat pizza, you're going to be just like them.
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  It's going to be really hard for you to bring a salad in, a smoothie,
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  and say, let's do this instead, because you can't change other people.
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  You can only change yourself.
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  So what you need to do is you need to find those people that are like you or
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  like what you want to be and hang with them.
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  If you don't have a strong enough internal motivation, find it externally,
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  but find it in a new circle. The next thing is kind of success.
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  I mean, success says so much about life. You can be successful raising a family.
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  You can be successful growing your sales business.
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  You can be successful just remodeling your house. You have to constantly push
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  through things you don't know and things you don't understand.
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  The other thing is becoming more and more popular with people our age is traveling.
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  A lot of people are afraid to leave their area or afraid to travel to foreign
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  countries. You have to step out of your comfort zone.
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  The nice thing about all of these things is once you step out of your comfort
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  zone, you actually enjoy it. It becomes more and more fun.
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  And the more you travel and the more you do things out of your comfort zone, the more you grow.
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  And as you grow, you're going to be like, wow, this is exciting again.
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  My life is exciting. I get to do new things I've never done before.
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  I get to try new things. I get to be with new people.
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  I get to explore new things. And the nice thing is, is all of these new things,
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  they create a life worth living.
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  If you've had any depression, you will find that this life is inspiring for you.
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  There's a lot of psychology behind this because change keeps us young.
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  Change makes us feel empowered. Change makes us feel like we're explorers.
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  When you get out there and you try different things, whether it's even sex,
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  I mean, maybe you try new things in sex, something that's out of your comfort zone.
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  Maybe you try new things with dating. Maybe you go on a dating app if you're
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  single and you haven't dated.
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  All those things keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
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  I encourage you if you've had a death of a spouse or a divorce and you find
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  yourself stuck, I encourage you to push as hard as you can in as many avenues
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  as you can to get yourself out of your comfort zone.
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  Now, I'm not saying go break the law or get crazy or do substance abuses or
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  anything like that, but I am saying push yourself in a way that you will grow.
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  You know, the reality is stability is not a good thing.
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  Stability is fine for your finances.
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  They're stable. That's great. But when it comes to your growth,
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  if you're stable, that means you're not changing.
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  If you're stable, you're not growing. So stability, it's safe,
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  but it can also be dangerous because my belief is if you're not growing, you're dying.
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  When you grow, you get to learn new things. You get to explore new places.
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  You get to meet new people.
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  You might even make a new career out of it. There's an old saying called,
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  if you stay in one business for too long, and there's something called the golden handcuff.
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  And people don't leave. And the reason they don't leave is because they know
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  at the end they're going to get
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  a gold watch or they're going to get their retirement and they stay there.
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  Maybe they're there for 10 years and I say, oh, I'm not going to go anywhere
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  or try anything new because I know I'm getting this retirement.
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  Well, what happens when you're 20 years later, you get there and you're like, I am so miserable.
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  I'm so tired. So think about your life. You get to choose.
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  Not your spouse, not your family, not your friends. You get to choose your life.
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  You get to choose every aspect of your life. If you don't like the people you're
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  with, find someone else to hang out with.
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  If you don't like the partner you're with, maybe it's time to make a change.
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  Now, I'm not advocating divorce. And if you can work through relationship issues, I highly recommend it.
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  But sometimes you're at an impasse and it's not possible.
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  So when you get uncomfortable, you're going to find that you're going to have
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  personal breakthroughs.
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  You're going to have professional breakthroughs. You're going to have relationship breakthroughs.
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  It also helps grow your brain. So if you find yourself starting to have memory
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  lapses or starting to have issues with thought processes.
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  You're going to find that if you start implementing changes,
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  pushing your brain out of your comfort zone, your brain is going to start learning more.
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  And the more you learn, the smarter you'll be. And a lot of this is common sense,
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  I know, but the reality is, is that you will find out over time that your burnout
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  will decrease, your happiness and your joy will increase.
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  Your overall lack of depression is amazing. You're going to increase your own
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  cortisol or decrease your own cortisol levels and increase your oxytocin.
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  When it comes to relationship, if you settle, you're going to be comfortably miserable.
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  The reason why I say this is because if you settle for someone that's not at
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  your level or you marry someone that you know you're settling for,
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  but you think maybe the love will grow, it usually doesn't.
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  And there's a saying, you need to be equally yoked, meaning that they need to
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  be on your level or above so that you can grow together.
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  And it's so important to find someone with a growth mindset.
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  So if you can find someone with a growth mindset that likes to change,
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  that likes to grow into new things, even if they're not where you want them
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  to be, that's not a settle.
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  That's someone that you can grow with. Growing together is so very important.
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  It could be growing spiritually together. It could be growing from relationship.
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  It could be just growing and trying new things together, trying new restaurants, trying new books.
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  Whatever you enjoy, find someone that's equally yoked.
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  Because life is way too short to be with someone that makes you unhappy.
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  There's kind of an art to it. If you've never done this before and you have
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  a very standard set of days and everything happens the same way each day and
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  your schedule never changes, the best way to go about this is to just start in small ways.
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  Introduce yourself to discomfort on a daily basis.
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  So let's say it could be as small as taking a different route home when you're
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  coming back from the gym.
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  It could be lifting weights when you've never lifted weights.
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  Maybe if you're a woman, maybe going into the section where all the men are
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  lifting weights and lift weights. Maybe asking a guy for assistance.
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  Maybe you go and you do a yoga class and you've never done one before and you're
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  completely out of whack and you're falling over.
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  But you know what? So other people. Here's the other reality.
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  No one cares. No one really judges people like we judge ourselves.
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  Life is so short. If you were gone tomorrow and somebody said,
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  oh, yeah, remember that person 10 years ago that fell over in yoga class?
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  It's not going to happen.
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  Get out of your comfort zone. Take small micro challenges.
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  Challenge yourself to grow. Challenge yourself to do new things.
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  You will become so resilient in life that nothing will tear you down.
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  When challenges come in the future because you're used to handling change and
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  you're used to new things, when something happens that disrupts your comfort,
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  it's okay because you're like, I got this.
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  I can handle this. I know what I'm doing.
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  And once you get to that mindset, nothing will stop you. Talk to friends,
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  too. If you see a friend out there that...
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  Is killing it like they are just making money hand over fist.
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  They are successful and they're happy.
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  They always have joy. Talk to them.
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  See what they're doing. And I can almost guarantee you they have a growth mindset.
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  They take on challenges as a fun experience or they take on a challenge just
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  to do the challenge and they grow each and every time.
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  You're going to find fulfillment beyond your wildest dreams.
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  You're going to become a person you don't even recognize a year from now,
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  you're going to grow in ways that you didn't think was possible.
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  You might make more money. You might get in better health. Why?
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  Because you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone. And one of the things
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  at the end of the road that people say is they have a fear of regret.
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  They're sad because they didn't do more things that made them uncomfortable.
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  They have a fear of change.
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  It's basically pushing you out of your comfort zone. When you have a fear like
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  that, it controls your life.
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  And the only way to take back control is to manage your mindset and to push
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  yourself out of your comfort zone.
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  You don't have to go from making a salary of, I don't know, $100,000 a year
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  as an accountant to an entrepreneur that makes nothing. That's not what I'm
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  saying. I'm saying do both.
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  I'm saying grow little by little, have one replace the other.
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  I'm not saying get a divorce.
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  I'm saying maybe push through the marriage and if it's fixable, fix it.
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  Instead of staying miserable in your relationships, try to change and improve
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  them. It takes daily work.
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  All of this stuff takes daily work, but you need to prioritize what's the most important.
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  The goal is to look at yourself, do a full evaluation of yourself,
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  and say, self, what do I need to improve? If it's your weight,
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  you need to make yourself uncomfortable with your weight. If it's your sleeping
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  patterns, maybe you need to take a nap and sleep more often or look at other
• 18:40
  alternatives to help you sleep.
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  If it's your relationship, maybe you need to really dive into that with a therapist
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  or a couple's counselor, or maybe it's time to move on.
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  But nonetheless, you need to make sure you do an evaluation and find out what
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  part of your life, let's start there, that you're struggling with the most,
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  the part that when you think about it, it turns your stomach,
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  the part you're the least happy with.
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  And once you find that part, that's where you get started.
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  And now you can start to design the life that you desire, the life that pushes
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  you forward, the life that you've always dreamed of, the life that you will
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  look back and have no regrets.
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  This is Diva Mia. Have a wonderful day.
• 19:18
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• 19:23
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• 20:03
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• 20:05
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• 20:08
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• 20:10
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