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Self - Care For Success! · Divas That Care Network

0:00
SPEAKER_00: It's Divas That Care Radio.
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SPEAKER_00: Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change.
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SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
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SPEAKER_00: This is a global movement for women, by women, engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations.
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SPEAKER_00: To find out more about the movement, visit DivasThatCare.com after the show.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: We all seem to have
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SPEAKER_02: that inner critic inside our head.
0:35
SPEAKER_02: I have a committee, the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee.
0:38
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean, that nagging voice, or voices in my case, that knocks us down and drags us down the road of self-sabotage and self-neglect.
0:46
SPEAKER_02: A strong positive sense of self-esteem is your first step to anything you wish to accomplish.
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SPEAKER_02: Discover who you truly are, that gorgeous, talented, fabulous woman who deserves recognition and unconditional love.
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SPEAKER_02: You know the most beautiful thing any woman can wear is confidence.
1:03
SPEAKER_02: Here on Confidence in Bloom with the Divas That Care Network, I, Tina Spoletini, speak with women in their own self-confidence about who they truly are, how they found themselves, and how they care for themselves.
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SPEAKER_02: Today I'm speaking with Leslie Gaudet.
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SPEAKER_02: Leslie is a motivational speaker, international best-selling author, a self-care...
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SPEAKER_02: for female coaches and course creators.
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SPEAKER_02: She helps her clients prioritize self-care so they can wake up with more energy, focus, and intention to tackle their daily activities and serve their clients with confidence.
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SPEAKER_02: Using proven coaching strategies and personalized support, she helps her clients reduce stress and burnout, increase their sense of fulfillment and purpose, and cultivate a sustainable self-care practice that supports their professional and personal growth.
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SPEAKER_02: She believes that making self-care a priority will give you the confidence to dream big and bring your dreams to reality because you will be in alignment with your purpose and the life you want to lead while using your time to your advantage so that you are in flow and creating and designing a life you love living.
2:15
SPEAKER_02: Welcome, Leslie.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Hi.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: And how are you today?
2:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm doing well.
2:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm here in sunny Florida, central Florida, and it's beautiful outside and just loving light.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: How are you?
2:33
SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
2:34
SPEAKER_02: I'm great.
2:34
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
2:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm in Alberta.
2:37
SPEAKER_02: So we are fighting fires right now.
2:39
SPEAKER_02: So it's beautiful outside.
2:41
SPEAKER_02: It's nice and warm, but we are covered in smoke.
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SPEAKER_02: And it smells like a campfire when you open the windows and the doors.
2:47
SPEAKER_02: So not the greatest day to be outside today.
2:50
SPEAKER_02: That is for sure.
2:52
SPEAKER_02: And I'm praying for all those fires to be taken control of and be put out with no more damage.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: So tell me, Leslie, what exactly is your career?
3:04
SPEAKER_02: Like you're a self-care coach.
3:06
SPEAKER_02: Tell me exactly what that is.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: So self-care.
3:12
SPEAKER_01: The reason why I really am so passionate about self-care is because I know that when we take care of ourselves really well, we show up as the best version of ourselves, not just for us, because that's important, but also for everything and everyone around us.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: And as a self-care coach, what I do is I help my clients really look at their self-care practices, including, and self-care can be a whole bunch of different things, but we don't recognize them as self-care.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: Simple little things like making time to go for a walk, taking your dog for a walk.
3:46
SPEAKER_01: That's a self-care moment because you're just actually getting outside and enjoying your time and just relaxing your mind.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: But self-care, yeah, I mean, the reason why I love it so much and that it became so important to me was when I was facing burnout.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: I've been in law, and I'll just give you a little bit of background.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: I've been in law for over 40 years, and I still support a team of lawyers and paralegals, but I do it on my own time now.
4:19
SPEAKER_01: But before, it was my life revolved around my job.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: And I was working all the time.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't have time to even take care of me.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: I didn't have time really to nurture my marriage, my friends, my family, none of that.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: Everything revolved around my job.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: And so what I found myself doing was I was always working, pushing through, not taking breaks.
4:45
SPEAKER_01: And I faced burnout multiple times.
4:47
SPEAKER_01: And the final straw came when I recognized that I may not be here anymore.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: if I keep going at the pace that I am because I felt that pushing and pushing wasn't doing me any favors as far as making sure that I get my job done well.
5:08
SPEAKER_01: All it was doing was just keeping me in this high stress level and I couldn't get out of it.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: And I felt like my brain was cluttered with so much I couldn't think And I knew that if I didn't do something radical to change my life, that I might not be here tomorrow to talk about it.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: And so that's one of the reasons, probably the primary reason, why self-care became such a passion of mine and why I truly believe that when we prioritize ourselves first, that we show up the best of ourselves and everything that we do in our life will follow.
5:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I do agree.
5:52
SPEAKER_02: You know what's really sad about that is I hear so many women say that it's burnout that, you know, shifted the mindset of I have to look after myself.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: Why is it that we– and I think– I mean, I believe men have burnout as well.
6:11
SPEAKER_02: I don't think that they are not– that they're stress-free.
6:14
SPEAKER_02: But why is it that women have to get to that– you know, degree that where they're burned out before they start to realize that, wow, I'm not living my life the best way I can.
6:25
SPEAKER_02: What's your opinion on that?
6:27
SPEAKER_02: Or maybe you know, like maybe there's statistics.
6:29
SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: So I think really for women, because we wear a lot of hats, you know, a lot of women wear hats such as mom, you know, their wife, their maybe caregiver to their aging parents.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: they could be the CEO of their own company or they could be in a high-level role at a company that they work for.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: And I think what happens is because women wear so many different hats and they have so much going on in their lives that we tend to put ourselves last on the totem pole.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: Like everything else and everyone else comes first, no matter what.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: And I think we...
7:16
SPEAKER_01: that big game where we're like, okay, yes, I'm going to make time for me today.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: But that in a perfect world, if we could design our days in a perfect world, everything would fall, you know, one, two, three, four, and five.
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SPEAKER_01: And that would like all in order.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: Everything would work out in order.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: But vice doesn't work that way.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: Things happen.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: And I think what happens with women is that we then feel like, okay, I'm going to have to push this to tomorrow because And not even think about, well, maybe if I said no to something so that I can say yes and maybe structure my time better, that I could then take time for myself.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's what I found with a lot of the women that I've worked with and I've spoken with, is that they find they have so much going on.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: so many different people needing their attention, so many different things needing their attention, that they tend to put their own needs last and sometimes not at all.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: And they'll push it and push it and push it until one day, especially when burnout can show up or resentment because they start feeling, taking advantage of because they're not getting their own needs met.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: And they're not really voicing their needs.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: you know, what they're looking for, the requests that they have.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: They're not asking for help.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: They're not delegating.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: They're not allowing themselves to have those personal boundaries around their own personal time and space.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: And they're allowing everything else to dictate how they show up in their world.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that's why a lot of women are facing burnout because they find that there's so much to do and they feel like there's so little time yet we all have the same 24-hour period.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: It's just how do you use your 24 hours in a way that is structured in a way that helps you to get done what needs to get done, be okay with what doesn't get done, and extend yourself grace on those days when, you know, things go off track, you know.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's part of the reason why a lot of women are faced with burnout.
9:26
SPEAKER_02: I think I agree with that.
9:29
UNKNOWN: Yeah.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: So just like how do you create, like how do you allow, well, I guess you're not allowing, but how do you convince some of these women that work, I mean, you know, especially like, you know, entrepreneur women, right?
9:44
SPEAKER_02: How do you convince them that they need to take time out for themselves because they're so used to, you know, tending to the family, tending to their husband, you know, looking after the house, running their business, plus all the outside stuff from that.
9:59
SPEAKER_02: You know, a lot of women are people pleasers.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: How do you make them understand and believe that they need to put boundaries in place to put a stop to that?
10:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think a lot of it comes down to looking at a little bit of the mindset work that I do with them because a lot of that comes down to, number one, feeling like self-care is selfish.
10:20
SPEAKER_01: If I take time for me above my family, if I do that before anything else, because I believe that self-care should start with you, like the very first start of your day, start with you so that you set yourself up for success.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: But a lot of women that I've talked with and a lot of women that I've worked with even now, it's hard for them to be able to adapt to just putting themselves first because they're, first of all, think it's selfish.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: And so it's doing that mindset work.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: Where is that coming from?
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of that comes from, like, you know, some of the things that we believe around self-care, like being selfish, that you should be putting everyone's needs above your own because that's what you're raised to do.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: You know, women are raised to be the nurturers and caregivers.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Men are raised to be, you know, they go out and they provide for the family.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: They support the family.
11:16
SPEAKER_01: Most of the time, it's usually the thought of that men would support the family financially.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: You know, now it's usually a two-income household or sometimes, you know, it could be a single mom or a single dad.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: But either way, that whole belief system around men were the ones who would provide support they provide the financial security, and women would do the nurturing and the caregiving.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: And I think because of that, that means that we're putting everyone else's needs first.
11:49
SPEAKER_01: It's just being able to look at that, okay, what did you learn, and how can you reframe it?
11:55
SPEAKER_01: Because it's learning to understand that you're not being selfish, but actually you're doing...
12:00
SPEAKER_01: not only yourself a favor and you benefit from putting yourself first and doing all the things to make yourself whole, to make yourself a better human, but when you show up that way, you know, you've taken care of you, you show up as the best version of you, everyone in your life is going to benefit from that because of your great energy.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: And everything that you do is going to benefit from that because you've taken care of you.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: There's no resentment.
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SPEAKER_01: There's no, you're not feeling like, okay, everyone and everything is taking away my time and I have none for me.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: And so it's just coming back and reframing how they think about it by deciding, okay, this is how I used to think and this is how I want to, so how do I bridge the gap there?
12:46
SPEAKER_01: How do I start reframing my thought patterns so that they become more in alignment with, okay, take care of me, And then I can show up the best that I want to so that I can take care of everyone else and everything else that's on my plate.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, exactly.
13:06
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so tell me then, that's a huge change for some of these women, right?
13:12
SPEAKER_02: But they're all at a point where they're...
13:15
SPEAKER_02: They're like, I'm done.
13:16
SPEAKER_02: I can't live my life this way anymore.
13:18
SPEAKER_02: Tell me where to start.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: What is the first thing you tell them?
13:21
SPEAKER_02: Now, you have said to start the day with you, to set yourself up for success.
13:30
SPEAKER_02: So tell me, what is the first thing that you tell your clients to do?
13:36
SPEAKER_01: So it's not about really starting.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: telling them what to do, it's helping them find what fits into their lifestyle.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm not a mom, so my time when I wake up in the morning is mine.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: I get to decide how and what I'm going to do, how my morning's going to look, how I start my days.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: But someone who has a family, if you have young children, or even if you have children that are in grade school, high school, it's going to look different.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Because you have different responsibilities first thing in your day.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: How do you find, what can you start your day with that can at least get you feeling like you had one successful start to your day?
14:22
SPEAKER_01: Meaning, is it taking a moment to go and sit in a comfortable place, quietly drinking your coffee and just relaxing?
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SPEAKER_01: enjoying the silence, enjoying just being?
14:35
SPEAKER_01: Or is it starting your day with meditation?
14:38
SPEAKER_01: Is it starting your day with maybe journaling, how you feel, how your day is?
14:44
SPEAKER_01: What works for you?
14:46
SPEAKER_01: And there's no one-size-fits-all self-care program because I believe that there's, like I said, some people have more time in the day and they start with seven things.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: Some people just do not have that time.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: So what I suggest is And how I work with them, with my clients, is help them to create a self-care throughout their day so that it supports them throughout their entire day, making sure that they're consciously aware of taking care of themselves throughout their day.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: And it's not just like a one thing that they do in the morning and then the rest of the day is dedicated to everything else but themselves.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: Because they need to still take care of themselves throughout their day, right?
15:28
SPEAKER_01: Right.
15:29
SPEAKER_02: I totally agree.
15:30
SPEAKER_02: And that's one thing that I've always wondered because I know some coaches say do your self-care in the morning.
15:37
SPEAKER_02: You start your day sort of rested and with that mindset and the rest of the day will go more smooth.
15:44
SPEAKER_02: But I know for myself, I can do that.
15:47
SPEAKER_02: I can take that 45 minutes in the morning to do the hard stuff, the stuff that I really don't want to do.
15:54
SPEAKER_02: But then I have to find time in the afternoon for some more me time, something that's more subtle, but, you know, like even if it's just going to sit on my desk with a glass of water, you know, I just need to go sit and be quiet.
16:08
SPEAKER_02: And I often tell clients that, you know, the same way.
16:11
SPEAKER_02: Take some time out for yourself in the day just to sort of unwind from what's been going on, right?
16:19
SPEAKER_02: And
16:20
SPEAKER_01: one of the things, too, that I also think is really important when you're taking a break is is not going from, for example, if you spend a lot of time in front of your computer and you're working, is not like switching from the work screen to social media screen because you're not really giving yourself that break.
16:41
SPEAKER_01: You need to be able to allow your brain to rest.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: You need to allow your nervous system to calm and regulate so that you can come back with more energy and more focus.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: You just need to take a break away from everything.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: And I think that can be really hard because I know some people, they have their phone attached to their hip.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: And I understand that if you use it for business.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: But it's still better for you to take, even if it's five minutes of your time, to just turn away from everything and just allow yourself to reset and you do yourself more of a favor doing that than to go from one screen to another or going from working on one screen and grabbing your phone and answering text messages and emails and all of those types of things.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: So I really feel like the sprinkling of self-care works well because you're consciously aware taking your mental breaks throughout your day you know and and then being able to do other little things like you said go and have a break and have some water hydration is so important you need to hydrate your body you need to be able to also eat for energy so that you are showing up especially when you have those really you know heavy deadlines that you're working on.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: You want to make sure that you're taking care of you so that you show up the best that you can and be able to tackle those activities.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
18:07
SPEAKER_02: I totally agree.
18:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love how you put that.
18:12
SPEAKER_02: So now I'm just wondering, when you have a client who, like how long do you work with a client in general,
18:19
SPEAKER_01: like, you know, average?
18:20
SPEAKER_01: It really depends.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: So I have, like, a couple of different ways.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: So I have one particular program, which I call the Mindset Mastery Program, and it's all around learning about yourself, your limiting beliefs, being able to, like, look at who you were and bring it, you know, who you want to be and, like, look at that gap in between and find out, like, looking at your life story.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: Because I think a lot of the time as we get older, we forget about certain things, but they're influencing us.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: And so I have that program.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: It's three months, depending.
18:54
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it can be two months.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's three months.
18:57
SPEAKER_01: But typically I'm working with someone about six months at a time, and I take them through the entire process through the mindset part of it, emotional awareness, and then I take them into the self-care.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: the well-being and wellness through looking after themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually, as well as helping them setting personal boundaries and making sure that they are looking out for their goals and being able to use their time well.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: I think that these are all self-care, but we don't look at it that way.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: We look at it as like, oh, these are things I have to do.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: I need to learn how to use my time well.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: But when you do learn how to use your time well, you're looking at your calendar and you're saying, okay, what fits in today?
19:46
SPEAKER_01: Looking at each day, what am I doing today?
19:49
SPEAKER_01: And then being able to, like, look at the gaps, the spaces, I should say, in your time and filling those with self-care activities such as going for a walk, maybe taking your dog for a walk.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's also making sure that you spend quality time with your family and and not in front of the television, but actually talking to each other, you know, creating those deeper bonds with each other.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: You know, television is fine, but all you're doing is you're just spending time together in the same space, but you're not connecting.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: And so I always, like, bring that next piece, which is the wellness piece, which is taking care of their, as I said, body, mind, and soul, and then also making sure that they have that community connection with not only their family, but with their friends, and also as women, having that core group of women in our lives that we can turn to without judgment, criticism, but just, you know, if we need to lean on them, if we need their support, and vice versa, we do that for them.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: So it's usually that.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: It's usually a six-month period that I work with them, but what I'm doing right now is I'm trying to break it up a little bit so that it's not, you know, going...
21:03
SPEAKER_01: heavy for like six months, but breaking it up into like the mindset piece.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, if that's where you need to start, and then if you don't, then I still bring a little bit of the mindset work into the self-care part of it.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: But it's really more about setting yourself up, that foundation of taking care of you the best you can and being consciously aware of it so that it becomes a habit, just like any other habit.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: For me, as an example, I start my day with meditation.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: It took a while, but now it's a habit.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: I don't even think about it.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: It's the first thing I turn to.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: So that's just learning, teaching how to do that and creating that accountability to themselves to do it, but also creating those habits that support them so professionally they're growing and personally they're growing.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: I
21:56
SPEAKER_02: love that.
21:57
SPEAKER_02: So you said that you start with meditation.
21:59
SPEAKER_02: Do you have like a room that's separate from your bedroom?
22:02
SPEAKER_02: Or do you just like sit up in your bed and meditate on your bed?
22:08
SPEAKER_01: So right now I'm actually in the midst of moving, but I just sit up and I just take my time and just sit before I do anything else.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: And I do a morning prayer and meditation.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: So it's guided.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: And it's one I found.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: I was looking for something.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: I wanted to be able to incorporate prayer and meditation at the same time just to start my day.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: And I found a really nice one.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: Just went online and looked for it.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: And I found it.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: It was a Christian morning prayer and meditation.
22:41
SPEAKER_01: And I thought, this is great.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: It's five minutes.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: And it gets me focused on my breathing, gets me focused on the present.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: And then...
22:51
SPEAKER_01: focused on, because I'm very spiritual, you know, I believe in God, and I believe that every gift that I have and everything that I do in my life has come from Him, and so I want to start my day by acknowledging that.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: And so that's how I start my day.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: But there has been other moments, too, but before I even get up and do that, I will ask myself, what do I need to do today?
23:14
SPEAKER_01: What do I need to learn today?
23:16
SPEAKER_01: What do I need to know today in order to meet whatever goal I'm going after or who can I serve today because I really truly believe that I want to always come from a service-based mindset to help.
23:31
SPEAKER_01: Looking at how can I help other people, how can I help other women because I want them to have a really good quality of life but with their families as well and not just all based around work and have both professionally and personally them to be successful.
23:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's great.
23:50
SPEAKER_02: Me too.
23:50
SPEAKER_02: I think family is number one.
23:52
SPEAKER_02: And I mean, when it comes to self-care and habit change and anything that we're doing to create a happy life, we need support.
24:01
SPEAKER_02: We need a community, right?
24:03
SPEAKER_02: And that's something like, I mean, your family should be your first, you know, support group, right?
24:11
SPEAKER_02: You should be able to go to your family and say, you know, I need some help.
24:15
SPEAKER_02: I need you to listen to me or I need you to, you know, watch my kids while I, you know, go for a run or whatever it is.
24:22
SPEAKER_02: So I do agree.
24:25
SPEAKER_02: We need, like our family is number one.
24:27
SPEAKER_02: I would do anything and everything for my kids.
24:30
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes they don't believe it, right?
24:32
SPEAKER_02: And I've told them I will do anything and everything, but I will not lie, right?
24:37
SPEAKER_02: I mean, there is a limit to that.
24:39
SPEAKER_02: But I agree.
24:41
SPEAKER_02: I think that our families should come first.
24:43
SPEAKER_02: And I feel like in most of the world, it doesn't feel like that is reality for a lot of people.
24:52
SPEAKER_02: I won't say most people, but it doesn't seem to be the reality anymore.
24:57
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you view that differently.
24:59
SPEAKER_02: I feel like everyone is just out for themselves.
25:02
SPEAKER_02: They don't care for each other as much as they used to.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: I agree with you a little bit because I find, like now especially, we have such a virtual world that we live in, you know, due to social media, due to the Internet, and we spend a lot of time.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, when I was young, I remember as a child, you know, we would get up, we'd have breakfast, you know, and we would, during the weekend, as an example, we would be outside playing.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: And we wouldn't come home until lunchtime.
25:34
SPEAKER_01: And then we'd be back outside playing.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: And we wouldn't come home until supper time.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: And so nowadays, a lot of children, they are in front of their computer screens playing games.
25:45
SPEAKER_01: And there seems to be a disconnect.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: There's less about getting out and socializing and more about how can I get in front of a screen to play the latest video game.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: And I also find that because it's so busy and because we live in such a different world today where, you know, it's a two-income household, there's a lot more stress, and then kids are doing a lot more, and just parents trying to juggle and find the time to be able to have just quality time as a family and then quality time, you know, with the kids doing their after-school activities and finding time for whether or not they are, if they are a single family home, just finding that time to be able to have time alone to nurture their own relationship with themselves, I think it's really hard.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: And I think when it comes to our blood relatives, I'm finding that, as an example of my own, As we get older, it seems that people are becoming more cynical about life, and they are less...
26:59
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
27:00
SPEAKER_01: I can't really put my finger on it, but I know that for me, my own family, a lot of the people that I turn to to be my support system are people who I've incorporated into my family, so they're not blood relatives.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: I don't believe that you have to be born into a family to...
27:20
SPEAKER_01: call them family, but it's having those people in your life that truly mean a lot to you, that really support you, that they have your back, they're not judging or criticizing you, but they really truly support you and encourage you and uplift you to do the things that you want to do in life, and vice versa that you do for them.
27:38
SPEAKER_01: And so family, to me, doesn't have to be that you're born into it, but I'm thinking from my own personal experience what I've noticed just in my own blood relative family, that we're not as close as we used to be, and I think it's just a lot of the way the world is, that people have become, it's really hard to explain it, but I've just noticed that people are not as close, and yet I'm also seeing the opposite to that, where I'm seeing a lot of families that are younger generation families that have these incredible communities of, you know, both sides of the family, the husband's family, the wife's family.
28:23
SPEAKER_01: Everyone comes together.
28:25
SPEAKER_01: They do family barbecues.
28:27
SPEAKER_01: They do family, you know, Christmases and Thanksgivings and birthdays, events, all of those things.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: And they've really learned to start bringing that What I like to see is a beautiful gratitude energy around connection and community, and that's through family.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: And so I think it's the younger generation that I'm starting to see.
28:56
SPEAKER_01: bringing that back, whereas my generation, and just to clarify, I'm 60 years old.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: I just turned that in February.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: So for me, I've noticed my generation has broken away from that, and yet the younger generation is coming back to that, which has been really great.
29:16
SPEAKER_01: So that's just been my experience.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure what your experience has been around it, but that's what's been my experience.
29:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I have to agree.
29:25
SPEAKER_02: My experience, I grew up, so I'm Italian, so I grew up very close with all my cousins.
29:30
SPEAKER_02: And now, I mean, sure, we have our own lives, we have our own families, and some of them are, you know, some of our families are, like, they're doing their own thing.
29:39
SPEAKER_02: They're not, like, our kids are not as close as we were.
29:43
SPEAKER_02: But, you know, we do things to try to keep them close.
29:45
SPEAKER_02: from what I see.
29:47
SPEAKER_02: But I do agree with you.
29:48
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm noticing that people that I grew up with, they didn't grow up as close with their families, right?
29:54
SPEAKER_02: I mean, other than my family.
29:55
SPEAKER_02: But the friends I had at school, their families weren't that close.
29:58
SPEAKER_02: But I find their kids are, right?
30:02
SPEAKER_02: I mean, not all of them, but some of them.
30:05
SPEAKER_02: They're talking about hanging out with their cousin and they're, you know, and I mean, I grew up like that.
30:09
SPEAKER_02: So when I hear that, I love it because I remember that, right?
30:13
SPEAKER_02: I mean, my cousins were like my brothers and sisters, right?
30:16
SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, I love that, you know, people are coming back to that.
30:19
SPEAKER_02: And I think, too, like, the last three or four years with COVID and all the other stuff that's been going on in the world, I think we were, like, either forced to stay alone or, you know, our...
30:33
SPEAKER_02: What's that word that I'm looking for?
30:35
SPEAKER_02: The people that we were, like, allowed to hang out with were our families, right?
30:40
SPEAKER_02: Because we followed the same rules.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: So I think that has a lot to do with...
30:44
SPEAKER_02: you know, these families being close again.
30:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: And you're right.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: You know, with the last, especially with COVID, that was really, you know, one thing that I don't think, you know, I mean, obviously none of us knew this was happening, but it was going to happen.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: But I think I was working from home at the time anyways.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: And so when I was told, but when I was told to stay home, that was when I was like, wait a second, I don't want to be told that I can't go out.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: But for those people who were going out and then being told that they couldn't go out, they had to stay home, I think that was really hard.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: And then you get used to it and you become used to being isolated from other people.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: And it's learning now to get back out there and create community again outside of your family.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: I think it's great that a lot of families, like you were saying, they were in their bubble.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: I think that's what they were calling it, you know, your family bubble or the bubble of people in your life that you were able to be around during as COVID was being more regulated with the vaccinations and all of that.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: I think what I've found is As I've gone out and into the world again, it took a little bit getting used to.
32:04
SPEAKER_01: I was used to going out again, but I think the hard part was figuring out how do I get into those situations where I'm around a lot of people and feel great about being around a lot of people.
32:18
SPEAKER_01: Not just going out, wearing the mask and being around people, but actually going and being in the community with people and really spending time.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: So I think that could play a part as well.
32:31
SPEAKER_01: But, yeah, I think it's great that now the younger generation is starting to bring it back because I think they started to realize that it's important, like how important family is.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: And, again, like I will always say this, that family isn't always– someone that you're born into.
32:49
SPEAKER_01: It could be your very best friend for 40 years and their family to you.
32:56
SPEAKER_01: And this is the person that you lean on.
32:59
SPEAKER_01: So that's how I look at it.
33:00
SPEAKER_01: That's how I look at family because I've been moving around.
33:03
SPEAKER_01: You know, I've been moving around.
33:04
SPEAKER_01: I think I shared this with you.
33:05
SPEAKER_01: I've been moving around since COVID began, my husband and I had been like kind of living in Canada a little bit, living in the U.S.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: a little bit, and lived in Mexico for a little while.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: And then we decided this year to stay in Florida for a little bit.
33:20
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, so that was interesting for me to try to get used to getting, not just getting out there and moving around, but actually getting out there and being in large groups of people and and spending time with large groups of people.
33:36
SPEAKER_01: That was a little bit getting used to again.
33:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I agree 100%.
33:42
SPEAKER_02: I'm still struggling with that.
33:43
SPEAKER_02: I used to love going to the mall.
33:45
SPEAKER_02: Like I would just go to the mall, spend a few hours just to walk around, just to be around people.
33:51
SPEAKER_02: And after COVID, I'm struggling with that.
33:53
SPEAKER_02: Like I can't go to the mall just to hang around.
33:57
SPEAKER_02: I need to have a purpose, and that's not like me.
33:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm struggling with that.
34:01
SPEAKER_02: And I went to a hockey game.
34:03
SPEAKER_02: just, you know, like when the Edmonton Oilers were playing here in Edmonton and they lost the series, there were so many people.
34:10
SPEAKER_02: And I said to my husband, I don't know if I can do this.
34:13
SPEAKER_02: Right?
34:14
SPEAKER_02: Like I just felt like almost claustrophobic.
34:17
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, there's just so many people around me.
34:19
SPEAKER_02: And he's like, you are a people person.
34:22
SPEAKER_02: You need people to get energized.
34:25
SPEAKER_02: What's wrong with you?
34:26
SPEAKER_02: And I realized that it's because I'm not used to it anymore.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:32
SPEAKER_01: You got used to the
34:33
SPEAKER_02: opposite.
34:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like it's just so strange for me.
34:39
SPEAKER_02: So I'm trying to push
34:40
SPEAKER_01: myself a little bit more, you know?
34:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah,
34:44
SPEAKER_01: no, I can agree.
34:45
SPEAKER_01: I can relate to you as well because I got so used to, like I said, I worked from home and then I found myself sort of getting used to not going out.
34:56
SPEAKER_01: And I had to actually start thinking a self-care habit of my own, which I do.
35:01
SPEAKER_01: I walk every day.
35:03
SPEAKER_01: I love getting out and walking, but it almost was I had to, at first, force myself to do it because I was just so used to being inside.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: And it's not healthy to just stay in, but it's also making sure that if that's, you know, if anyone's listening and this is where they find themselves today, don't beat yourself up for it because it's, It's real to you.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: It's how you feel, and you can change it, but it takes one step at a time, obviously.
35:36
SPEAKER_01: You want something, you decide to do it, and then you just try it, and you keep doing it until it becomes habit, like for me.
35:43
SPEAKER_01: Getting out and walking every day, I had to just make myself do it.
35:47
SPEAKER_01: I had to put an alarm on my phone.
35:49
SPEAKER_01: to go for a walk until it became habit and now it's something that I truly enjoy.
35:55
SPEAKER_01: So when I say self-care, it's like self-care really comes in all different forms for everybody and you don't have to feel like, oh, I'm not doing it right if I don't follow this person's plan for me for self-care.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: No, it's what you do for you is right for you.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: I will always advocate for that.
36:20
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
36:21
SPEAKER_02: What you do for you is what's right for you.
36:25
SPEAKER_02: I have one last question.
36:26
SPEAKER_02: Do you celebrate yourself and how do you do that?
36:30
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
36:31
SPEAKER_01: So the way I celebrate myself is, you know, I'm a movie person.
36:38
SPEAKER_01: I love to watch all different types of movies.
36:41
SPEAKER_01: And so what I will do is once I've finished something, I know it's really simple, but if I've created something, a goal, I set a goal, and I met the goal, or if I set a goal and I have one step or two steps or three steps completed, I make sure I celebrate pretty much like every single day I'm celebrating my day.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: But what I do is I'll just say, okay, I've done this today.
37:10
SPEAKER_01: I feel really good about what I did.
37:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I would have finished everything that was on my to-do list, but now is the time to go and enjoy doing something that I love, which is either watching something that I like on Netflix or watching a movie, because I love different movies.
37:27
SPEAKER_01: And so that's kind of like for me what I will do.
37:31
SPEAKER_01: But when it comes to like the bigger things, There'll be times where I might go and say, okay, I'm going to get my hair done or I'm going to get a mani-pedi.
37:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm thinking about now, like recently my husband and I have been talking about incorporating getting monthly massages in our routine.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: Just something that I haven't done in a while, but also that's going to take some getting used to because I haven't had anyone give me a massage for years, a few years since COVID, right?
37:58
SPEAKER_01: Because most people haven't done that because that means someone's touching your body.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: And so that's going to be something interesting for me to do.
38:09
SPEAKER_01: But, yeah, that's how I celebrate me.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: But I celebrate every day.
38:12
SPEAKER_01: I find at the end of my day I have a gratitude journal, and I just find five different things daily that I'm grateful for, and I celebrate everything.
38:23
SPEAKER_01: Like today I'm going to be writing in my journal how I was– I met with you on this amazing podcast that you have and that we got to have this chat together.
38:32
SPEAKER_01: That's a celebration for me because it's something I was looking forward to and I'm really happy to be on the show with you.
38:38
SPEAKER_01: I
38:39
SPEAKER_02: love that.
38:40
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I'm going to be honest.
38:44
SPEAKER_02: I'm a little bit high maintenance.
38:46
SPEAKER_02: I get my hair done no matter what.
38:49
SPEAKER_02: I do my fingers, I get my nails done every three weeks, and I go for a massage every three weeks.
38:55
SPEAKER_02: To me, that is, like, it's important, right?
38:58
SPEAKER_02: Now, you know, some people say, well, that's a celebration, and maybe perhaps it is.
39:04
SPEAKER_02: You know, maybe it's me celebrating myself.
39:06
SPEAKER_02: I've never really put any thought into that.
39:08
SPEAKER_02: But I go, I'm a little bit spoiled, too, because I can.
39:12
SPEAKER_02: I have the time, and so I take the time, right?
39:15
SPEAKER_02: I go for a massage often.
39:17
SPEAKER_03: And
39:18
SPEAKER_02: I tell people all the time, go and do it.
39:21
SPEAKER_02: Get a massage.
39:23
SPEAKER_02: You know, it doesn't have to be once a week or once every two weeks, but do it regularly.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: Your body will love you for it.
39:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I love that you do that.
39:32
SPEAKER_01: It might partly be celebrating, but you should celebrate yourself.
39:38
SPEAKER_01: You should honor yourself.
39:39
SPEAKER_01: That's self-care.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: Self-care, like I said, is all different forms.
39:43
SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of things that we do every single day that's self-care.
39:47
SPEAKER_01: Some people love to cook.
39:49
SPEAKER_01: And for them, prepping meals for other people is so soothing and, you know, it makes them feel really good.
39:57
SPEAKER_01: That's a form of self-care.
39:59
SPEAKER_01: Other people like to, I know some people like to do things like walking someone else's dog.
40:06
SPEAKER_01: They're a dog walker.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: But that's just something that they enjoy to do.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: They love being around animals.
40:12
SPEAKER_01: And so that's a form of self-care for them.
40:14
SPEAKER_01: But because we look at it in a different way, we're not looking at it that this is making us feel good.
40:21
SPEAKER_01: We're forgetting that the feel-good is part of self-care.
40:26
SPEAKER_01: That is so true.
40:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I find self-care in everything.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: Everything in your life, you can find it if you just look for it.
40:36
SPEAKER_01: It's there.
40:37
SPEAKER_01: I promise you.
40:38
UNKNOWN: Yeah.
40:39
SPEAKER_02: I agree 100%.
40:40
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for joining me today, Leslie.
40:43
SPEAKER_02: I know that I could pour myself another coffee and sit here for another two hours and chat with you, but I can't do that.
40:51
SPEAKER_02: But thank you, thank you so much for joining me.
40:53
SPEAKER_02: And maybe we will have you on again in, you know, maybe closer to Christmas when we need to talk about self-care during the holidays.
41:04
SPEAKER_01: That would be great.
41:04
SPEAKER_01: I would love to come back.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: It's been a pleasure also being on today.
41:08
SPEAKER_02: Excellent.
41:09
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much, Leslie.
41:10
SPEAKER_02: Confidence in Bloom is a celebration of self-love, a confirmation that you are an amazing, desirable, brilliant, gorgeous, talented woman, even though you may not look like a screen star or a supermodel.
41:21
SPEAKER_02: The truth is they don't even look like that.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: We offer unconditional love to our partners, our children, our extended family, even our pets.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: It's high time we got out of our own way and learned to unconditionally love ourselves.
41:33
SPEAKER_02: Chic definitely does come in every shape.
41:36
SPEAKER_02: So if you want something to believe in, start with yourself.
41:39
SPEAKER_02: If you'd like to be a guest here on Confidence in Bloom and chat with me, contact me through Instagram at infobloomstyling or by email at tina at infobloomstyling.com
41:50
SPEAKER_00: or through the Jivas
41:50
SPEAKER_02: That Care website.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
41:54
SPEAKER_00: This show was brought to you by Divas That Care.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on DivasThatCare.com where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.