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Why Should You Set Boundaries? · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And today I want to dive into more about boundaries and why it's not about giving up, but rather honoring yourself.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: And what I mean by that is oftentimes when we set boundaries, other people can reflect back to us that they think that we're either quitting or we're walking away from something.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just take it this way.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just sort of imagine that maybe you've been putting all of yourself into something.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it be a job or a commitment or a relationship, but you're recognizing that it's starting to drain you, or you're recognizing that it's not healthy for your well-being any longer.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: And you feel that you're stretched really thin, maybe you feel overwhelmed, maybe you're noticing some burnout or maybe even a little bit of resentment.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you're in this situation where you've been committed to this, this thing, this thing, this person, what have you, but you're recognizing that it's not working for you anymore.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: You're recognizing that what once you were all in with, you're no longer feeling aligned with, whether it be a values-based misalignment, or maybe you're just feeling like you are no longer aligned with the dynamics of the relationship because maybe it's a relationship that no longer is one that feels healthy for you.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important to recognize that you deciding that doesn't mean that you're weak or that you are a failure, but instead, it's actually a sign of strength in the sense that you are giving yourself permission to name for yourself what it is that you might be needing that's not being met.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not weakness, it's not failure, and it's not selfishness, but instead, it's really about being self-ful and paying attention to what it is that you're needing.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important to recognize that when you start saying something doesn't work for me anymore, it is a form of boundary setting that's happening.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not that you're quitting, it's that you are working towards self-leadership and self-preservation.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's about knowing what your own personal limits are, it's about knowing what works for you and what doesn't, and then you responding to that and respecting yourself to be able to work towards that, to set those boundaries and to communicate them.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like you're drawing a line and you're saying, okay, this on this side of the line works for me, and on this side of the line, this doesn't work for me.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: And this is what I need to feel safe.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: This is what I need to feel respected.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: This is what I need to feel seen, and this is what I need to feel valued.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And if these things can't be met, then I'm choosing for myself that I'm no longer gonna engage in either this act or in this relationship.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's really what you're doing is you're you are moving towards a form of self-love.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: You're moving towards a form of self-respect.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're moving towards your own self-leadership.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: And let me be super clear: doing that is not easy at all because what we what happens when we say no, or what happens when we say, yeah, I've been engaged in this activity and I no longer want to participate, it feels really uncomfortable.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it can even draw some guilt.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: It can even lead you to think that you're a quitter.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Other people might be communicating to you like that you're you're quitting on the activity or on the person.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And that is a real painful thing to hear because part of it is learning to come to this place of radical acceptance that they may be disappointed in your choice and they may view you as selfish.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: But just because somebody has that truth or has that opinion about you doesn't make it a truth, right?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's their opinion.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: But the truth for you is that you need to prioritize your own well-being, whether it be emotional, mental, physical, that's what the truth is.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: They can have a different opinion, but that doesn't make it necessarily true.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: And knowing that you you are honoring your own boundaries ensures that you are taking care of yourself.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: And when you take care of yourself, you have the ability to show up for others.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we start setting boundaries?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, uh, like most things, it starts with it starts with awareness and it starts with you somewhat taking an inventory of what your needs are, what needs maybe are being met, what aren't being met, taking an inventory of what your wants and desires are, and recognizing that it's important for you to not just become aware of those, but to acknowledge them and to name them, and then for you to figure out what works for you and what doesn't, where where are those needs not being met, what needs to shift, where are you feeling drained, where do you need to create space for yourself, and then deciding where and when and to whom you need to start communicating those boundaries and doing it in an assertive way, not an aggressive way, but remembering that it's okay for you to state what works for you and what doesn't work.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: And when other people push back because they're going to push back, it is about staying firm with your boundaries and knowing that those are important for you and not taking on their pushback as though you're doing something wrong.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: It does require you being really self-compassionate because when you are in that stage of setting those boundaries and somebody's pushing back, it is really, really uncomfortable.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that, you know, we don't really want to talk about that part of it.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: We want to make it, you know, a lot of us would like to believe that it's uh it's really simple, but when people haven't had certain boundaries, we haven't had certain boundaries with people in the past, and then we're starting to execute them, they're gonna feel discomfort and they're gonna push back, and that's gonna cause you to feel discomfort.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it's about being able to sit with that discomfort and not feeling like you have to back off of the boundary that you're setting.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, recognizing that you really don't need to justify or apologize for the boundaries, but being able to communicate that this is important for you and recognizing that the people who are really meant to be in your life are gonna be the ones who might feel uncomfortable but are willing to work with you through it.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the ones that are meant to be there.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: The people that really continue to push back and don't want to adjust or to respect the boundaries that you're setting are the ones that were benefiting from you not having them in the first place.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: I know you've guys have heard me say that before.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: So just giving yourself permission to recognize that it's a process, it's not gonna happen overnight.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's about practicing your own self-discovery, you know, practicing your own self-compassion, making sure that you give yourself the grace to work through it.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: When you notice those feelings of guilt come up, naming them, recognizing that I'm not doing anything wrong here.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing this to actually take care of myself.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: And when I take care of myself, I can actually show up for others.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: If you are at a place where you'd like to work through how to set boundaries or you're struggling with it, or you want to understand how coaching could help with that process, please feel free to reach out to me at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit our website at www.comedywood.com.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.