Latest / Groove with Portia / What If Your Calling Doesn’t Look the Way You Expected?

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What If Your Calling Doesn’t Look the Way You Expected? · Groove with Portia

0:06
Speaker 1: Welcome to Guru Portia, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
0:09
Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Portia, the producer, and
0:12
Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
0:15
Speaker 1: where we will exchange laughter. Of course, the best medicine
0:18
Speaker 1: of them all. Reflect on cherished memories. Remember that time
0:21
Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
0:23
Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park?
0:24
Speaker 2: Yikes.
0:25
Speaker 1: And of course, discover gratitude while navigating one of life's
0:29
Speaker 1: hardest challenges, loss. So get ready to grew with me, Portia,
0:33
Speaker 1: the producer. Let's dive in. Why, hello everyone, and welcome
0:46
Speaker 1: back to Grew With Portia. I'm your host, Portia Booker,
0:48
Speaker 1: and as always, don't forget to like, share, and subscribe
0:51
Speaker 1: to keep up with all things Grew With Portia. So
0:55
Speaker 1: one of the things that I'm very appreciative of is
0:58
Speaker 1: the many pivots that my life has taken. Some of
1:02
Speaker 1: you may know, but I was actually studying to become
1:05
Speaker 1: a minister at one point in my career. And the
1:09
Speaker 1: gentleman who I was studying under, God rest his soul,
1:13
Speaker 1: Pastor Andre Hunter, he also was connected to my mom.
1:18
Speaker 1: So my mom would go to his, if you want
1:20
Speaker 1: to call it over the phone Bible study, because of
1:22
Speaker 1: course this was during COVID when she met him. So
1:24
Speaker 1: of course no one could go into physical spaces or
1:27
Speaker 1: they had to be spaced out probably like 12 feet.
1:30
Speaker 1: But we don't have to go back to that crazy
1:32
Speaker 1: time of our life, those of you who remember COVID
1:34
Speaker 1: if you're old enough. But when I think back to
1:37
Speaker 1: when I was connected to him and he said something
1:41
Speaker 1: to me when I said that I was interested in
1:44
Speaker 1: pursuing ministry, he said, Portia, not every person who has
1:50
Speaker 1: a ministry needs to be behind the pulpit. Let that
1:55
Speaker 1: sink in. So today I'm joined by an amazing woman
2:00
Speaker 1: who is the host of this beautiful podcast that I
2:03
Speaker 1: had the honor of being a guest on called Bite
2:05
Speaker 1: Size Blessings. Before I bring her on to the show,
2:08
Speaker 1: I have to give a special shout out to Kendra
2:11
Speaker 1: Lockhart for introducing me to this amazing soul. So welcome
2:15
Speaker 1: to Guru of Portia, Ms. Kirsten Rudberg. Kirsten, how are
2:19
Speaker 1: you today?
2:19
Speaker 2: I'm so good. I'm really excited to be here. I've
2:22
Speaker 2: been looking forward to this ever since we made the plan.
2:27
Speaker 1: And Kirsten, I love, I'm glad that we, I was
2:31
Speaker 1: on your podcast because I had the opportunity to re-listen
2:33
Speaker 1: to our conversation and we don't often realize, and we're
2:37
Speaker 1: going to talk about this a little bit too, that
2:40
Speaker 1: blessings don't often come in the way that we may think.
2:45
Speaker 1: So I'm curious, Kirsten, you have a master in divinity
2:51
Speaker 1: and you served in ministry, but you realize kind of
2:55
Speaker 1: like me that ministry is not always behind the pulpit.
3:01
Speaker 1: And I'm curious, Kirsten, for our audience, was there a
3:04
Speaker 1: point when you realized the path you were on was
3:10
Speaker 1: no longer aligned with who you were becoming? And also,
3:15
Speaker 1: did you feel that grief of stepping away from that
3:20
Speaker 1: version of your life, even though you had this strong
3:26
Speaker 1: sense of faith of what it was, but now you're
3:30
Speaker 1: at that crossroad?
3:32
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Those are both great questions. You know, I'm
3:37
Speaker 2: kind of an outlier and I have to say that
3:41
Speaker 2: because I was deeply affected by growing up overseas in
3:45
Speaker 2: Guyana and then in Pakistan. And so that changed my
3:48
Speaker 2: life forever. And I just saw so much of the
3:51
Speaker 2: world and I've always had an inquisitive mind and soul
3:55
Speaker 2: that that I absolutely want to know as much as
3:57
Speaker 2: I possibly can before I'm no longer here. And so
4:01
Speaker 2: when I went to seminary and I got my Master's
4:04
Speaker 2: of Divinity, I wanted to see what it was all about, really,
4:09
Speaker 2: while also not having a religious tradition. And out of
4:14
Speaker 2: my cohort, I think of 35, three of us were undeclared.
4:19
Speaker 2: Everyone else was either Mormon or evangelical or Christian, Lutheran, Presbyterian.
4:23
Speaker 2: And The other two eventually became Unitarian, but I just
4:28
Speaker 2: felt I cannot, I don't want to join anything. So
4:31
Speaker 2: I self-describe as an animist panentheist now, which means I
4:36
Speaker 2: essentially think everything is aware and sacred and conscious. And
4:40
Speaker 2: so it's not like I can just walk into any
4:42
Speaker 2: sort of faith tradition and be a pastor in those spaces.
4:46
Speaker 2: In addition, I graduated, hooray, right when the pandemic started.
4:50
Speaker 2: So here I was watching everybody that I had worked
4:55
Speaker 2: with here in Santa Fe, New Mexico, who were faith
4:58
Speaker 2: leaders trying to pivot and figure out how to be
5:02
Speaker 2: a faith leader when no one could physically get together.
5:05
Speaker 2: And so as you can imagine, no jobs, no jobs,
5:10
Speaker 2: everything was kind of just falling apart. And I had
5:13
Speaker 2: a few months after I graduated thinking, what am I
5:18
Speaker 2: going to do? I do not know what I'm going
5:20
Speaker 2: to do. And I really felt lost. It was kind
5:24
Speaker 2: of scary because I just spent a lot of money,
5:27
Speaker 2: so much money. And I mean, you don't know this,
5:33
Speaker 2: but when I joined seminary to get a master's of divinity,
5:37
Speaker 2: they gave me a 700 question personality test. And the
5:41
Speaker 2: gentleman who had been doing it for decades came back
5:43
Speaker 2: and said, you're in the wrong program. You should be
5:45
Speaker 2: getting a master's of theology. And I said, no, I
5:48
Speaker 2: really feel called to get an MDiv. And he said,
5:51
Speaker 2: but then just to let you know, your first inclination,
5:54
Speaker 2: who you are as an artist. And I thought, what? What?
5:59
Speaker 2: Because I grew up in a family, you go to college,
6:02
Speaker 2: you get a degree, you work in corporate America, end
6:04
Speaker 2: of the story, you get a 401k. But I'd always
6:09
Speaker 2: for 45 years had this hankering. I had ideas for
6:11
Speaker 2: books and plays. And I shut that all down. I
6:15
Speaker 2: shut it all down because It wasn't an appropriate life path.
6:19
Speaker 2: And so when I went to get my MDiv, my
6:21
Speaker 2: family was like, we don't understand you. Why are you
6:24
Speaker 2: doing this? You're not religious. This isn't you. And then
6:27
Speaker 2: second of all, when I started putting my books out
6:30
Speaker 2: and doing these other things, it felt like, you know,
6:35
Speaker 2: coming out of the closet, frankly, to be honest, claiming
6:40
Speaker 2: a part of myself that I had squashed down for
6:42
Speaker 2: so long. But then I could also bring in all
6:46
Speaker 2: the learnings and teachings from my seminary, you know, and
6:51
Speaker 2: what I'd learned going to those classes. It really expanded
6:55
Speaker 2: my view of the world. So it's been kind of
6:58
Speaker 2: a weird journey for me. I am not in a
7:04
Speaker 2: ministry because I am scared of being up in front
7:09
Speaker 2: of people, but I can do my podcast, which is
7:12
Speaker 2: very strange, but it's one-on-one. And it might be a
7:16
Speaker 2: little bit of a control issue if I'm open to
7:20
Speaker 2: just confiding that to you. So yeah, I don't ever
7:24
Speaker 2: feel like I need to be, my ministry is out
7:26
Speaker 2: in the world. My ministry is the podcast. And I'm
7:29
Speaker 2: grateful for that because it gives me a lot of freedom.
7:32
Speaker 2: Someone said to me, don't you want to run your
7:34
Speaker 2: own church? And I started laughing and I was like,
7:36
Speaker 2: are you kidding? I mean, all they emphasized in seminary
7:39
Speaker 2: was self-care. And just, we had pastors and leaders come
7:43
Speaker 2: in who just said, I'm exhausted. I did take a
7:46
Speaker 2: year off because you're on call 24 seven and you're
7:49
Speaker 2: with people when the worst things are happening in their lives. And,
7:54
Speaker 2: and you really give yourself up over and over all
7:58
Speaker 2: your chi, all your energy goes outward. And they said,
8:01
Speaker 2: it's practically impossible to do effective self-care when you're in
8:05
Speaker 2: that position. And I thought, you know what? I, I
8:08
Speaker 2: don't want to live that life. So that was kind of,
8:12
Speaker 2: a little bit also part of why I didn't choose,
8:15
Speaker 2: because I didn't want to take on the burden of
8:18
Speaker 2: leading a flock or creating my own church. I'd rather
8:22
Speaker 2: help someone who's in charge. I'd rather be kind of
8:26
Speaker 2: the helper, the little side helper person, right arm. What
8:33
Speaker 2: is that called? I can't think. Yeah. Yeah. Did that
8:38
Speaker 2: answer any of your question? I hope so.
8:40
Speaker 1: I think, Kirsten, there's a couple of things that I
8:42
Speaker 1: picked out. You mentioned being that seeker as a kid, right?
8:48
Speaker 1: That curiosity bubble when we're children of how does everything work?
8:53
Speaker 2: Yes.
8:54
Speaker 1: I remember, I think when I first questioned the Bible,
8:58
Speaker 1: my mom had a fit for When I questioned the Bible,
9:02
Speaker 1: because I said, well, Ma, this book was written thousands
9:07
Speaker 1: of years ago. And let's be realistic. Our world is
9:11
Speaker 1: like the game telephone where the message gets diluted over time.
9:19
Speaker 1: And I remember my mom literally was like, no, you
9:22
Speaker 1: don't question God. You don't question anything in that book.
9:26
Speaker 1: But it took for my mom to. to transition for
9:29
Speaker 1: me to really understand my position of my faith walk
9:35
Speaker 1: with the God of my understanding. And I think the
9:39
Speaker 1: same thing for you, Kirsten, where that traditional path of
9:43
Speaker 1: ministry of whether you're going to be in the Catholic
9:46
Speaker 1: church or Mormon or in a Baptist church, those to
9:51
Speaker 1: me kind of restrained you from really opening up this
9:57
Speaker 1: ministerial path through creativity. expression.
10:01
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
10:02
Speaker 1: Where your books, this you're like, I finally found my niche.
10:08
Speaker 1: But as you mentioned in your pivot to being this,
10:14
Speaker 1: you call it a pantheist?
10:15
Speaker 2: Panentheist, yeah.
10:16
Speaker 1: Panentheist, when you're making this pivot of understanding that there
10:21
Speaker 1: is divinity in everything that we touch, right? Because some
10:27
Speaker 1: of us, our ministry is not standing behind a pulpit
10:32
Speaker 1: regurgitating what's in the holy book.
10:36
Speaker 2: Yeah. Right.
10:36
Speaker 1: And there's so many different variations of that.
10:39
Speaker 2: Yes.
10:39
Speaker 1: For some of us and for you, your podcast to
10:43
Speaker 1: me is a space of ministry where it may not
10:47
Speaker 1: be a big congregation where you're a Sarah Jakes or
10:51
Speaker 1: Joyce Myers, where you're filling up rooms with three to
10:54
Speaker 1: four thousand people.
10:55
Speaker 2: Right. Right.
10:57
Speaker 1: Because sometimes it just takes that one.
10:59
Speaker 2: Right. Right.
11:01
Speaker 1: Who resonates with the words that you're saying. I always
11:05
Speaker 1: say that the worst part of you is the best
11:06
Speaker 1: part of you. And I'm sure that Kirsten, for you,
11:11
Speaker 1: that shame and guilt of you walking out of this
11:16
Speaker 1: confined space of ministry was really the breakthrough that you
11:23
Speaker 1: needed to open your own ministry of understanding.
11:28
Speaker 2: Totally. Absolutely. Absolutely. My friends will often say to me,
11:34
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I can't believe you come up with
11:36
Speaker 2: this idea. Oh my gosh, you're so creative. And I'll
11:39
Speaker 2: tell you a story. Before I started seminary, I read
11:42
Speaker 2: this great book called The Divine Horseman by Maya Darin.
11:46
Speaker 2: And it's basically, she was a cultural anthropologist that went
11:49
Speaker 2: to Haiti and studied voodoo down there for months and
11:52
Speaker 2: months and did a documentary film and then was there
11:56
Speaker 2: for years just meeting people and getting to know them.
11:59
Speaker 2: And then she came back and wrote this book, which
12:02
Speaker 2: is amazing. Um, but her idea was, I mean, not
12:06
Speaker 2: her idea, but what she witnessed was that during these ceremonies,
12:10
Speaker 2: the gods would come down and Mount someone and they
12:13
Speaker 2: would then speak and give advice through the, um, through
12:17
Speaker 2: the person, they would ride them like a horse. And
12:21
Speaker 2: after I graduated from seminary COVID's happening, no one's going anywhere.
12:25
Speaker 2: I'm locked in the house. I had this profound experience
12:29
Speaker 2: where I put out, I don't even know, a whole
12:34
Speaker 2: series of episodes for a show. I wrote another show.
12:38
Speaker 2: I wrote my first Peter Rabbit book. And then I
12:41
Speaker 2: came up and someone said, oh my gosh, how are
12:44
Speaker 2: you so abundant and creative? And I said, it was
12:48
Speaker 2: awful because I literally felt this energy sitting on me.
12:54
Speaker 2: And if I didn't, go and do what I was
12:58
Speaker 2: supposed to do, it would bother me. So I'd be
13:01
Speaker 2: sitting on the couch watching TV. It'd be a Tuesday
13:04
Speaker 2: and it'd be like, Hey, Hey, you should really start
13:07
Speaker 2: writing that thing. And I'd be like, whatever, I'm going
13:09
Speaker 2: to have another, you know, bonbon and sit here and
13:11
Speaker 2: watch a show. And then 15 minutes later, it'd be like, Hey, Hey,
13:15
Speaker 2: I mean, I could, I couldn't stop. And it wasn't
13:17
Speaker 2: happy until I got up and I got out what
13:21
Speaker 2: I was supposed to, um, So I've learned that when
13:25
Speaker 2: that energy comes or I get messages like that, follow
13:30
Speaker 2: them because it will not leave you alone. Just do it.
13:33
Speaker 2: Do it. The sooner it's over, then they can go
13:35
Speaker 2: away and you're left to your own devices. But that's
13:38
Speaker 2: how I experience my creativity. It can be really uncomfortable
13:42
Speaker 2: and also just annoying sometimes. I always say that God
13:49
Speaker 2: is like that or the angels are like that one
13:51
Speaker 2: over there is a little spicy. You know, watch out.
13:54
Speaker 2: You have to keep poking and prodding her. And then
13:56
Speaker 2: she complains and complains and whines a lot, but she
14:00
Speaker 2: gets it done. So be ready for the whining. So, yeah,
14:02
Speaker 2: that's my experience.
14:04
Speaker 1: Well, it reminds me too of when you get that
14:07
Speaker 1: creative itch where it's the word that keeps bouncing in
14:11
Speaker 1: your head. Or when the mosquitoes come and eat you
14:16
Speaker 1: alive during the summertime and And you can't stop scratching
14:21
Speaker 1: that one spot, especially if it's on your butt cheek
14:24
Speaker 1: and you're in public with people. So it's not like
14:27
Speaker 1: you can rub up against a tree without looking a
14:30
Speaker 1: little strange town 2.0, right? But that's for a whole
14:34
Speaker 1: nother day. Kirsten, for our audience, before we pivot to
14:37
Speaker 1: the next part of the conversation, if they want to
14:40
Speaker 1: connect with you, listen to your podcast, possibly be a guest,
14:44
Speaker 1: how can our audience connect with you today?
14:46
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, I'm so simple. Just go to my website,
14:49
Speaker 2: bite-sized blessings.com and it's B Y T E sized blessings.
14:55
Speaker 2: And on the landing page, there's, you know, do you
14:57
Speaker 2: want to be a guest? You can send me an email,
15:00
Speaker 2: but then there's everything else I'm up to there too.
15:03
Speaker 2: And there are links to Apple, Spotify, all the places
15:08
Speaker 2: where you can find me.
15:09
Speaker 1: So And then, of course, everybody, AI is your friend.
15:12
Speaker 1: So if you don't remember what Kirsten's podcast is called,
15:15
Speaker 1: if you don't even remember her name or who I am,
15:18
Speaker 1: you can always ask AI to help you find us. Kirsten,
15:22
Speaker 1: let's talk about your podcast, because I had the opportunity
15:25
Speaker 1: to be a guest as well, and I absolutely adored
15:27
Speaker 1: our time together. We probably could have talked for another
15:29
Speaker 1: two or three hours.
15:31
Speaker 2: I know.
15:31
Speaker 1: But your podcast is called Bite Size Blessings, which obviously
15:35
Speaker 1: centers on this notion of moments that change our lives forever.
15:41
Speaker 2: Right.
15:41
Speaker 1: Kind of similar to what I talk about here on
15:43
Speaker 1: Guru with Portia.
15:44
Speaker 2: Yeah.
15:45
Speaker 1: And I'm curious, Kirsten, for you, after listening to so
15:49
Speaker 1: many people's stories. Right. Have you noticed anything that these
15:55
Speaker 1: transformative moments tend to have in common?
16:00
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, that's such a great question because I mean, it's,
16:03
Speaker 2: I never tell the guests what to say. Sometimes I
16:05
Speaker 2: don't even know what they're going to say. So I've,
16:08
Speaker 2: I've had, you know, everything from mothers that changed their
16:12
Speaker 2: kids' lives to people who have seen ghosts to people
16:15
Speaker 2: who have died and then come back. So it's kind
16:20
Speaker 2: of like run the whole gamut. I actually just interviewed
16:22
Speaker 2: someone where his, he was in a healing session and
16:26
Speaker 2: his father had passed away a few months before and
16:29
Speaker 2: And his father came and slapped him in the middle.
16:32
Speaker 2: He felt slapped across the face. And, and the message
16:35
Speaker 2: was stop being so serious and learn to enjoy life.
16:38
Speaker 2: And so what, frankly, you know, this podcast is a
16:43
Speaker 2: selfish endeavor because I get to hear these stories and
16:46
Speaker 2: they then remind me that this world is enchanted and
16:49
Speaker 2: very mysterious, but for the guests, not only is it
16:55
Speaker 2: an opportunity for them to reflect and tell their story
16:57
Speaker 2: and kind of revisit that seminal moment in their life
17:00
Speaker 2: that kind of changed everything. But to a T, every
17:05
Speaker 2: single person, it reminds them once again in the telling
17:09
Speaker 2: of the story, how deeply mysterious this world is and
17:14
Speaker 2: how spirit or angels or the universe, whatever you want
17:17
Speaker 2: to call it, will sometimes take drastic action to get
17:21
Speaker 2: our attention. And that that energy wants to collaborate with
17:26
Speaker 2: us And we'll do whatever it can to start some
17:31
Speaker 2: sort of relationship back and forth. It's been astounding, some
17:37
Speaker 2: of the stories I've heard. It is such a privilege
17:40
Speaker 2: for me to do this podcast. I mean, I can't
17:43
Speaker 2: even tell you. I mean, I've had people just tell me, oh,
17:47
Speaker 2: my gosh, that's exactly what I needed to hear. And so, wow,
17:51
Speaker 2: I get to do this thing where I get to
17:52
Speaker 2: hear people's amazing stories. Then I get to make other
17:55
Speaker 2: people happy or share stories. Share something beautiful with them.
17:59
Speaker 2: But yeah, 201, my guests, their idea of reality is
18:05
Speaker 2: that this is not reality. What we see is not reality.
18:11
Speaker 2: And in fact, that there are other realities, other ways
18:18
Speaker 2: of being, and that love is eternal. I mean, end
18:22
Speaker 2: of the story, love is eternal. And that those who
18:25
Speaker 2: have passed on that we love deeply will always come
18:28
Speaker 2: back to us to help us out. I mean, it's
18:31
Speaker 2: been an astonishing journey.
18:33
Speaker 1: Well, and Kirsten, I appreciate you sharing that because I
18:37
Speaker 1: think a lot of times, too, when we experience a
18:40
Speaker 1: loss in our life, it opens us up on a
18:45
Speaker 1: different level. For some people, yeah, their heart may become
18:49
Speaker 1: hardened by something. all the different emotions, the sadness, the frustration,
18:55
Speaker 1: the anger, the questioning, the bargaining, all of those things.
18:59
Speaker 1: But at the same time, there's this other level of
19:01
Speaker 1: openness where you're seeking. You're seeking a connection. When you
19:07
Speaker 1: brought up about this gentleman whose father slapped him, I
19:11
Speaker 1: had a similar experience, but not exactly. So the night
19:16
Speaker 1: that we picked up my mom's ashes from the funeral home,
19:21
Speaker 1: I remember coming home and you're just exhausted by then.
19:25
Speaker 1: I mean, just all the planning, all the people coming over,
19:29
Speaker 1: all the calls, all the food, all the above.
19:33
Speaker 2: Yeah.
19:33
Speaker 1: I remember laying my head down, Kirsten, and I just
19:38
Speaker 1: felt broken. Just completely broken. Like, this is it. This
19:45
Speaker 1: is finite. And I remember just laying in my bed.
19:50
Speaker 1: bawling my eyes out. And I remember feeling somebody wrap
19:57
Speaker 1: their arms around me. And I knew it was my mother.
20:01
Speaker 1: And I just sobbed because I don't sweat in my sleep.
20:06
Speaker 1: And of course I would know, like I can literally
20:09
Speaker 1: hear a rat pee on cotton. That's how clear my
20:12
Speaker 1: hearing is. So I can literally hear somebody walks in
20:16
Speaker 1: my room, but there was no footsteps, none. I felt
20:22
Speaker 1: that arms of love cover me because they knew how
20:29
Speaker 1: heavy my heart was. My mother knew that I was
20:33
Speaker 1: torn up on the inside and needed comfort. So I
20:37
Speaker 1: can relate firsthand to those experiences. And yeah, some people
20:43
Speaker 1: may call them far fetched, but I tell people until
20:46
Speaker 1: you've experienced it yourself, don't discredit what people say. Because even,
20:52
Speaker 1: I think we talked about it on your podcast, Kirsten,
20:55
Speaker 1: the near death experience I had and the blue heron
20:59
Speaker 1: circling in the sky when blue herons are only around water.
21:05
Speaker 1: And I was at least, 20 minutes away from the
21:08
Speaker 1: Arkansas river. And it's the middle of the summer. I mean, that,
21:14
Speaker 1: that blue heron probably could have been dinner by how
21:17
Speaker 1: hot it was outside. And it could have probably caught
21:19
Speaker 1: on fire, like a Phoenix flying in the sky. I'm
21:22
Speaker 1: just saying, but, but that's what I mean is you,
21:27
Speaker 1: when you open yourself up to receive and it's hard,
21:33
Speaker 1: Because you want things in the way you want them
21:36
Speaker 1: in the, in the perfect box and the way that
21:39
Speaker 1: your loved one would communicate with you when they were
21:41
Speaker 1: here physically. But when you open up to a different
21:46
Speaker 1: level of connection, you never know, no pun intended, the
21:50
Speaker 1: blessing that's going to come through it.
21:53
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think, and I think that's the
21:57
Speaker 2: great adventure, right? Yeah.
22:01
Speaker 1: Yeah.
22:03
Speaker 2: It's the great mystery and the great adventure. And, you know,
22:06
Speaker 2: I have down days like everybody else. I have days
22:10
Speaker 2: where I want to go out and kick some rocks.
22:12
Speaker 2: I mean, I have days when I feel sorry for myself. So,
22:15
Speaker 2: you know, this podcast and all the strangers that I
22:19
Speaker 2: meet that become friends, they remind me as well. That's
22:23
Speaker 2: also an enchanting thing. You know, creating a web of
22:26
Speaker 2: connection by sharing stories and sharing who we are.
22:29
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah.
22:31
Speaker 2: Yeah. Not everything is golden all the time, but I
22:35
Speaker 2: think it's so important to, you know, our conversation. I
22:40
Speaker 2: was frankly enchanted with you because you are funny. You
22:44
Speaker 2: are so funny. And I was like, I got to
22:49
Speaker 2: keep up with her because you're so witty and wise.
22:53
Speaker 2: And you kept me on my toes, which I loved.
22:56
Speaker 2: Then also, you know, you were kind enough. We didn't
23:00
Speaker 2: know each other, but you were kind enough to trust
23:02
Speaker 2: me to tell your story. And oh, my gosh, I
23:06
Speaker 2: know a mutual friend introduced us. But still, you know,
23:10
Speaker 2: you told some stories that were incredibly vulnerable. And that's
23:13
Speaker 2: another thing that I really try to be respectful with
23:18
Speaker 2: is people's stories and their voices, because, you know, what
23:22
Speaker 2: I'm providing is a service telling helping usher these stories
23:26
Speaker 2: in for others. But I want to be respectful about it.
23:30
Speaker 2: And really generous and kind. So just the fact that
23:33
Speaker 2: you came and brought your radiant presence was like the
23:36
Speaker 2: best thing ever.
23:38
Speaker 1: Kirsten, I appreciate that. I didn't know this was going
23:41
Speaker 1: to be a show of a round of applause. Too
23:43
Speaker 1: bad we can't play Lady Gaga's song on here, but
23:45
Speaker 1: that's all right. You know, Kirsten, we're going to be
23:48
Speaker 1: wrapping up here soon. And first of all, again, thank
23:51
Speaker 1: you so much. for coming on and really sharing with
23:54
Speaker 1: our audience, even for something as respected as being in
24:00
Speaker 1: ministry and that grief of recognizing this isn't the kind
24:05
Speaker 1: of ministry I want to create, but you're leaning on
24:08
Speaker 1: your faith to give you that guidance of still creating
24:13
Speaker 1: that ministerial presence for the people who are supposed to
24:17
Speaker 1: meet you. Through your podcast, through your stories. And you're right.
24:22
Speaker 1: Everybody's story has several different elements. One of the big
24:27
Speaker 1: key parts is the identity attached to it. The identities
24:32
Speaker 1: that we bury. when we transition into new pieces of
24:37
Speaker 1: our life. When we go from that student in college
24:41
Speaker 1: to our first, I call it the big girl panty job, right?
24:45
Speaker 1: When we first transition to that, right? You gotta deal
24:49
Speaker 1: with bigger problems, bigger issues, right? So when you make
24:53
Speaker 1: that pivot and transition, you're no longer that college student
24:58
Speaker 1: just going to school every day. You've incorporated her into
25:03
Speaker 1: who you are now, whether you're going into a corporate
25:06
Speaker 1: space or you're, you know, being an entrepreneur. So it's
25:10
Speaker 1: learning how to find that balance between the woman I
25:17
Speaker 1: used to be, the woman who I am today, and
25:22
Speaker 1: harmonize what will be the pathway forward.
25:27
Speaker 2: Yeah.
25:28
Speaker 1: Right. So Kirsten, for our audience today, I always love
25:32
Speaker 1: to save this question for last. You've pivoted from the
25:36
Speaker 1: traditional ministry. You've started this amazing podcast, Bite Size Blessings.
25:42
Speaker 1: You've cultivated this level of storytelling to give people the
25:47
Speaker 1: courage and the safety to share what they've gone through
25:53
Speaker 1: in their life. I'm curious for you, Kirsten, when you
25:55
Speaker 1: think about all the different pathways you've taken to the
25:58
Speaker 1: woman you are today, what does finding your groove mean
26:02
Speaker 1: to you today?
26:03
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, what a great question. So real quick,
26:10
Speaker 2: I came from a home where we had significant challenges.
26:14
Speaker 2: I was the oldest of three kids. I never had
26:17
Speaker 2: a childhood. I had to raise my siblings. So the
26:22
Speaker 2: insane amounts of stress, And depression, I'm still divesting myself
26:28
Speaker 2: of that and healing that. So in the last couple
26:32
Speaker 2: of years, I have been really blessed because I have, again,
26:37
Speaker 2: been given an opportunity to be a kid again. And
26:40
Speaker 2: while it has certain stresses and there are things that
26:44
Speaker 2: are less than ideal about it, I have a lot
26:47
Speaker 2: of freedom in my life to engage and play. And,
26:51
Speaker 2: you know, whether that's continuing my Peter Rabbit series that
26:54
Speaker 2: I'm writing or it's I just came up with a
26:57
Speaker 2: new zine that I just finished called Speed Dating with Godzilla.
27:01
Speaker 2: And because one day I was just thinking, what would
27:04
Speaker 2: it be like if Godzilla went on speed dates? I
27:06
Speaker 2: want to know. And so just being able to have
27:10
Speaker 2: the freedom to, like, step into that playfulness and that
27:13
Speaker 2: kind of silliness is the childhood that I never had. And.
27:18
Speaker 2: And it's fun to be silly and it's fun to
27:20
Speaker 2: be irreverent and it's fun to let all the adult
27:24
Speaker 2: expectations go and play in the mud. And that's what
27:30
Speaker 2: I'm doing. And it's going to be a season. I
27:33
Speaker 2: already know it's going to be a season of my life.
27:35
Speaker 2: And you know what? Maybe I'll never leave the season.
27:37
Speaker 2: Maybe he'll want to, maybe he'll visit me in New
27:40
Speaker 2: Mexico and I'll be like, let's jump in some mud
27:42
Speaker 2: or let's do something really fun and silly because I
27:46
Speaker 2: love this for me right now. And there's a whole
27:49
Speaker 2: lot of healing and years of crying that came before this.
27:53
Speaker 2: But I'm so grateful to be this age because it
27:55
Speaker 2: means I've done it. And now I get to revel
27:58
Speaker 2: in this season of playfulness and irreverence. And I'm the
28:04
Speaker 2: luckiest person on the planet.
28:06
Speaker 1: And Kirsten, I appreciate you sharing that because when we
28:09
Speaker 1: reach a certain age, somebody told us to grow up.
28:14
Speaker 2: Yeah.
28:15
Speaker 1: So that put a cap on our creativity. our ability
28:19
Speaker 1: to play, run in the mud, barefooted. Funny story, when
28:24
Speaker 1: I was a little kid, my mom took me and
28:28
Speaker 1: my brother to a family friend's wedding. And my mom
28:32
Speaker 1: actually made my wedding, my dress, because I was like
28:35
Speaker 1: three or four years old. Well, our family friend, I guess,
28:39
Speaker 1: got married in the park and it had rained before
28:42
Speaker 1: the wedding. So my mom... had to hurry up and
28:47
Speaker 1: come and get me because I was playing with a
28:50
Speaker 1: stick with the mud and almost got my dress dirty.
28:56
Speaker 1: So talk about, and I'm still the same way to
28:59
Speaker 1: this day. Those of you who know on my Facebook
29:03
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago, you saw that I did a
29:05
Speaker 1: 25 mile bike ride and that bike ride was partially
29:10
Speaker 1: in the rain.
29:12
Speaker 2: Amazing.
29:13
Speaker 1: The rain was simply just an element. My focus was
29:18
Speaker 1: on completing that race no matter what.
29:22
Speaker 2: I have to tell you, as adults, we should embrace
29:24
Speaker 2: as many times as possible playing in the mud or
29:27
Speaker 2: the rain or whatever. So you and I are kindred spirits, seriously.
29:31
Speaker 1: We are. We are. You're probably me in the future, Kirsten, possibly.
29:35
Speaker 1: We'll see. Well, everybody, that was Kirsten Rugg. that you
29:40
Speaker 1: heard from today on grew with portia and that concludes
29:44
Speaker 1: our conversation and until next time everybody peace and hair
29:48
Speaker 1: grease everybody hold on god i'll probably have to edit
29:57
Speaker 1: this but