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How long should you stay No Contact with a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how long should you stay no contact with your narcissistic
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  partner or parent? Whoever it is in your life?
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  Y'all? That's what we're talking about
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  today. How long should you cease
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  contacting this person? How long should you cut off
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  access to you from or by this person, this narcissistic toxic
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  ass person that has brought you so much pain, strife, emotional
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  trauma, physical trauma? How long should you do it?
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  Y'all? That's what we're talking about
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  today. Y'all?
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  That's the that's today's topic on a narcissist code.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammond.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself and I give you the inside
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  look at the mind of a narcissist, how a narcissist
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  thinks, and what a narcissist will do sometimes.
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  Right. But yes, no contact is exactly
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  what it sounds like. A if you don't know what no
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  contact is, it's exactly what it sounds like.
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  It means no contact. It means we are not talking
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  anymore. It means no access.
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  I think people think that no contact just means ignoring a
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  person. Like, no, I'm no, I'm no
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  contact, but I, I get texted emails and I haven't blocked
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  them. No contact is shutting the door,
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  closing the windows up. No contact is going in.
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  No contact. Pretty much y'all is like going
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  into a safe room with no entrances and no exits, right?
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  There's no other way to get into this safe room other than you
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  allowing them into your safe room other than you allowing
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  them into your space. That's what no contact is.
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  That's what no contact really is, y'all.
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  And that's why I just tell so many people in these situations,
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  they're like, no contact is meant to protect you.
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  It's meant to keep you safe physically, emotionally,
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  mentally, all the other stuff, verbally, right?
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  Spiritually, all the other stuff.
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  It's meant to protect you and keep you safe.
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  This really it now, how long should you do it?
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  As long as it takes, right? As long as it takes to heal,
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  like most times. Let's keep it real y'all.
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  Most times when you're going no contact with a narcissist, it's
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  supposed to be permanent. No contact is supposed to be a
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  permanent solution. No contact is supposed to be
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  this is it. Like this is it, this is it.
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  There is no we we this this last time I'm talking to you, this
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  last e-mail that I send to you, this last text that I send
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  whatever it is, right, Whatever it is, this is supposed to be
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  it. There's nothing after this.
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  There's no future contact after this, ever.
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  That's why you have before you go no contact that that's why
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  it's so important that you understand this.
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  That's why it's so important that you understand the
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  necessity that is going no contact for good.
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  Like damn, I got. I need to go no contact forever.
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  Yes, you do. You do need to go no contact
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  forever. Like you do need to cut off
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  contact with this person probably forever because drum
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  roll it helps you heal. No contact is like you have to
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  build up a muscle y'all. It's like doing going to the
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  gym, doing curls right, I'm going to the gym, I'm doing
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  curls like the first day I do curls, I might not have nothing
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  here like there's nothing popping up.
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  There's nothing here. The first day I have no contact
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  is going to hurt. It's going to suck and for no
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  results damn near right. But over time, the more we do,
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  the more we got a little we got a little egg right here.
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  We get the no contact muscle. You have to build it up over
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  time. It's not a quick fix.
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  No contact is a concerted effort.
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  It takes effort and energy. I know when people hear the word
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  no contact, they think is automatically just like is
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  nothingness like it takes no effort, no energy just to block
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  and just stop talking to somebody.
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  It's this, it, it's so easy. No, no contact is going to have
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  to, it's going to take a toll. You have to pay.
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  It's damn it, you have to pay the toll to go no contact,
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  right? The emotional toll, the mental
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  toll, the toll toll, right? It's going to hurt.
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  It's going to suck. Because most times the person
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  that you're going no contact with, you've had a loan, like
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  you had some semblance of a future with, you've had some
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  semblance of longevity with this person.
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  It could be your parent, the person who raised you, maybe
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  they abused you or what not, but it's still your parent, right?
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  So you're thinking about that I might not ever talk to my Mama
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  again. This might be the last time I
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  talked to my dad. It's like them, they're, they're
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  passing away, right? It's damn near like this person
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  is gone for good. Like there's, there's nothing
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  else you're going to hear from this person.
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  This person is pretty much unalived.
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  You know what I mean? This person is pretty much gone
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  and that's going to suck to hear.
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  That's going to suck to deal with as a human being when you
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  are no longer talking to your mom or dad, husband, wife,
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  fiance, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, whoever it is.
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  Best friend, right? Your BFF, your bestie of 25
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  years that was banging your husband behind your back.
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  It's time to go no contact and go, right?
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  Your bestie that was sleeping with your wife, your homeboy
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  that was sleeping with your wife for years behind your back.
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  Your kids, not yours, right? That might be going somewhere
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  else. But you see what I'm saying?
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  That's the type of stuff you have to prepare for.
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  There's going to be a, there's going to be a plethora of
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  emotions that you experience in this situation.
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  So you need to be prepared to go no contact forever.
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  That's one of those things. Now, is no contact always going
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  to be a permanent solution? No, let's be real.
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  It should be most times, but being realistic is not always
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  going to be a permanent solution because no contact.
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  You might be no contact for 5-10 years and you feel like you've
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  healed enough. So you might reach out to your
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  mom. You might try to reach out to
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  your dad with some new bound with boundaries and a newfound
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  strength. You might go to a therapist.
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  Your therapist said, hey, look, you've been no contact long
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  enough. If you're ready, you're ready.
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  Your therapist might tell you to talk to somebody, tell you the
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  therapist might encourage you to rekindle those relationships
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  because you miss them or because you're hurting going no contact,
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  right? So, but you have newfound
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  boundaries or you have unanswered questions or whatever
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  the case may be, right? I'm not telling you to break no
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  contact, but I've heard people tell me before in the past,
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  they're therapist. They've been I've been no
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  contact with my mom for five years and my therapist, it's
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  been affecting me greatly is I suck everyday.
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  I miss my mom. She was my best friend until I
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  realized that she was abusive and narcissistic and I had to
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  cut her off. And I've been no contact for
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  years that she keeps sending me gifts to my house and keeps
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  messaging, keeps emailing my kids, whatever the case may be
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  like I've been no contact. She she keeps creating fake
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  numbers. My mom has been harassing me
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  pretty much like my therapist told me.
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  Yeah, if I'm ready, I could break no contact to tell.
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  Either tell them to leave me alone or to reach out with new
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  boundaries and whatnot. If they don't respect my
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  boundaries, I can go no contact again.
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  Because now I know the truth. Now I know that I'm not.
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  Now I know the fact that I'm the fact that I've been questioning
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  myself for years. I've been right to go no contact
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  because this person doesn't respect my boundaries and she
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  broke no contact with her mom and she this has been the years
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  ago I haven't talked to in a while, but she end up breaking
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  no contact with her mom and talking to her for a little bit.
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  And I haven't know she's like she just told me she did it, but
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  I don't know how it actually went after that.
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  She she broke no contact and I don't know if it went bad or
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  good. She just, you know, it was kind
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  of the end of the call. But the one-on-one zoom we did,
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  but she said I proved no contact and I talked to my mom for a
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  little bit and I don't even know what to say about it.
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  So maybe your mom is still the same person.
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  Maybe she wasn't, I don't know. But she ended up breaking no
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  contact. So in that situation right
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  there, it had no contact lasted for five years.
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  Sometimes no contact might be broken because of the law,
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  right? Legally, you have kids with this
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  person, you're trying to go no contact with your toxic
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  ex-husband or ex-wife or whatever, right?
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  And because you have kids together, it can be very
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  difficult to navigate that landscape because now you have
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  to talk to the person sometimes unless you have a, unless you
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  have a qualified third party or somebody like that, or you
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  might, you might have talked via a parenting app.
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  You say you've been no contact, able to have a third party pick
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  and pick up and drop off the kids right through the kid
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  exchanges. So you haven't had to talk to
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  the person, but now they, they took you to court and the court
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  ordered you to use a parenting app to communicate with them
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  because the third party wasn't working.
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  You see, they that went on for a few months or whatever the case
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  may be, and then they had to break no contact because the
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  court ordered parenting app. So no contact.
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  That's not always going to be forever.
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  And I feel like, but if you're dealing with an abusive,
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  manipulative, horrible, evil ass person, then you have to set the
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  goal for no contact to be forever.
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  That's me. That's, that's what I this is my
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  thoughts right here. If it's your mom, dad or
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  somebody and they just were refusing to hear your side, if
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  anything refuses and take accountability for anything that
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  they've put you through, refusing to hear your side of
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  the story, refusing to hear you out at all, then yeah, yeah, it
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  might absolutely be time to go no contact for good.
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  You should absolutely set the goal to go no contact for good.
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  It should be that way. Let's keep you hot.
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  Let's keep it real and I know everybody.
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  Some people get afraid of the permanence like lay damn forever
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  yes, y'all forever. You might not ever talk to this
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  person again. So before you make the decision
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  to go no contact, make sure that you have all the questions that
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  you need answered answered. Even if they never going to get
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  an answer. I'm not telling you to reach out
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  to them to ask it to to to get these answers because they
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  probably would never give them to you.
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  I'm telling you internally that you have to be OK with not
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  getting the answers to some of these questions right.
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  I have a course about finding your why.
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  It's about healing for narcissistic abuse.
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  And one of the main thing that you need to heal in order to
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  move forward is being OK. We're not getting the answer to
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  every single question being OK We're not.
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  You said being OK with things like that going down and not
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  happening, right? Being OK with not ever seeing
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  this person again. Being OK without ever hearing
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  this person's voice again. It's called finding your why.
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  You can find on my website mentalillness.net, but that's
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  literally how it goes. So many people are battling
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  this. You have to set the goal for
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  what benefits you most. It takes as long as it takes.
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  No Contact is not meant to punish the other person.
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  There's so many people out there that just like Lee, I don't
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  want. I'm not trying to punish my
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  narcissistic partner. I know you're not.
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  What I'm saying is you have to be OK.
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  Releasing yourself right where you have to be OK is not
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  punishment, it's preservation. You're preserving yourself,
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  you're saving yourself. You're protecting yourself.
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  You know all those words stalwart AP but the, the, the
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  punishment thing you're not doing, you're not trying to
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  punish them. You're just protecting yourself.
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  You're just guarding your own mental health.
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  You're just guarding your own physical health.
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  You're doing this stuff for your own well-being.
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  And that's the most important part that people need to
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  realize. You're doing this to protect
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  yourself and to preserve yourself.
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  You're not doing this to punish that person.
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  That is not that that doesn't have to exist together in the
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  same space. These two things do not have to
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  exist together. I promise you.
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  So the people are going to be battling this literally.
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  I don't want to punish them. You're not punishing them.
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  You're protecting yourself. So going no contact, it takes as
• 11:11
  long as it takes y'all seriously anyway, y'all?
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  I hope this video butchers in peace.
• 11:16
  I hope it butchers some clarity. If it did hit that subscribe
• 11:19
  button. Leave a like get a comment like
• 11:21
  leave a comment. Y'all let me also let me know
• 11:24
  what you say about the new editing, the new editing of the
• 11:26
  videos. I like it.
• 11:28
  I like the new editing video. Shout out to my editor Tom.
• 11:31
  Appreciate you man anyways, y'all hit the subscribe button.
• 11:34
  You haven't already? Mental illness.net for all
• 11:36
  things Lee Hammock and I'm out. Peace.