Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / One way to stop going back to a narcissist or back into a toxic relationship.

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One way to stop going back to a narcissist or back into a toxic relationship. · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about one of the fastest things
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  that can help you heal from a toxic, narcissistic
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  relationship. The one of the fastest things.
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  What are the best things to help you heal?
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  Y'all. What thing you can use if you're
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  new here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. What is so yes, y'all.
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  One of the best ways, one of the most efficient ways, one of the
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  fastest ways to help you heal. And they keep you from going
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  back to a toxic narcissistic relationship.
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  One of the best ways is to be able to explain why you want to
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  go back. Explain why you keep going back.
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  Explain why you like you care about them right now in the 1st
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  place. This helps you because if you
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  can explain it to yourself and you can explain it to others, it
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  makes it more real. Because if somebody wants to ask
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  you, and I do, yeah. If I, yeah, if y'all don't know.
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  I do have a support group that I host throughout the week and on
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  Sundays as well, like Sunday, Sunday evenings.
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  We have a support group meeting, it's over zoom and whatnot.
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  And I ask people straight up, I was like, why explain to me why
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  you keep going back? And the reason I say that is if
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  you give me the answer of, I don't know, they're still
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  healing to do, they're still healing to do regardless.
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  But if you say I don't know why I keep going back, if you don't
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  know why, you'll keep doing it. If you can't explain it, you'll
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  keep doing it over and over again, if that makes sense.
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  If you can't, explain why, you just repeat the behaviors.
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  If you can't. If you can't explain why, it
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  doesn't mean that you'll stop the behavior, but you know why.
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  You you can explain it. You can clearly explain why you
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  keep going back. It can help you not make the
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  same mistake twice, of going back, help you not make the same
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  mistake of listening to them or giving them another chance or
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  thinking that they're too like being nice to him.
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  Whatever it is, I thought, why did you?
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  Why did you go back? Why did you give him another
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  chance? I just thought they were going
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  to change. I thought they changed for good
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  this time because we were making progress for a few weeks, and
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  then they completely shut down and shut out again because you
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  understood. I thought they were changing
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  because of this. The next time, if you still have
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  to be in contact with this person, because you have kids,
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  businesses, whatever, you still might live with them the next
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  time. You know what niceness got me?
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  What being nice to this person got me.
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  What trusting and believing within them got me?
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  What hoping with them got me. Because this is how you get
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  clear. Get clear on the why that you
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  stayed. Get clear on the why that you're
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  still here. Because this is how you're yeah,
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  this is just it just helps you understand.
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  You can understand it. You can break the ties that bind
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  you to this person. They can help you break the
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  trauma bond. If you can explain why you
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  decided to give this person another chance.
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  Why? You might have ignored or missed
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  the red flags that they threw in front of your face.
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  Why you decided to believe what you knew was a lie or give them
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  the give them the benefit of the doubt.
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  Why? Well, because I'm a trusting
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  person and I I just like to believe that.
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  I'd like to try to see the best in everybody and give people the
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  benefit of the doubt. Why do you give people the
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  benefit? Pardon the Interruption, just
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  want to let you know. If you don't already, that do
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  101 coaching over zoom or telephone call as well to help
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  you understand what you went through and have to validate
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  your emotions. Check the link in the
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  description of every video and podcast.
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  Now back to the video. Why do you give people the
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  benefit of the doubt that don't deserve it?
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  They haven't earned it, yo. It's a benefit.
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  It's a benefit. You give them the benefit of the
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  doubt. The doubt is the benefit.
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  What have they done to earn the benefit of the doubt from you?
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  What have they done to earn your trust?
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  Again, like a lot of times, y'all, they just want you to
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  blindly trust them and believe them that they're going to make
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  these changes and alter their behaviors for you.
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  They want you to do that type of stuff right there because it
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  gives them power, empowers them and whatnot.
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  It really, really does. So that's why I'm just telling
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  you I you have to be able to explain why.
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  Because if you cannot like this, and This is why I keep saying
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  this, y'all. If you cannot explain it, it
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  just gives yourself and you keep it, just keeps it open.
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  If you can't explain why you keep doing the same things over
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  and over again, it keeps the door open for you to return to
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  this toxic relationship or for them to return to you.
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  It keeps the access portal open for them to come back into your
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  life and possibly wreak some type of habit.
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  Because they will. Yeah, they will.
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  If there's havoc to be wrought, they will wreak it.
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  They absolutely will. Into your life.
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  Why did I let this person come back to my life Or we have kids
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  and I just figured that they deserve another chance to keep
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  the family together and things like that.
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  And but every time I let them get closer, the kids keep
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  getting hurt as well. Like they the kids think we're
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  going to get back together and we don't.
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  We end up breaking up and they be sad.
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  The kids are sad and just their hurt process goes over and over
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  again. You see how you get specific
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  with the hurt and the pain that this relationship was not only
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  causing you but causing your children as well.
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  It affects them too. This is how you open up the door
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  for healing, to explain yourself, Being able to explain
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  why. If you can't get clear on the
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  why, write it down. If you can't just think about
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  it, write it down. Write it down anyway, because
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  you can refer back to it. When you can write it down, you
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  can refer back to it. People, a lot of people have
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  short memories. You can think about it like,
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  damn, that's that's why. And then when that person calls
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  you or emails you, you forget why.
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  You're like, why am I not going back?
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  You see what I'm saying? Why did I do that?
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  But if you got it written down, you can refer back to it.
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  If it if it's your damn screensaver, you can always see
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  it. If it's your screensaver, it's
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  always going to come up, you know?
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  If it's a screensaver, it's always going to come up.
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  It's always going to be right there in your face.
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  This is what happens. So you have to understand that
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  this is part, this is part of it right here.
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  So understanding why you do what you do can help you.
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  It really can. Y'all That's what I'm just
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  saying. I'm just trying to breakthrough
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  to you. Because the more you can explain
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  it, the more The better, the better.
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  Your chances are of not going back and repeating in the same
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  you repeating in the same behavior again.
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  Narcissists are going to repeat themselves.
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  Y'all narcissists are damn. Being in a narcissist
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  relationship or going back to it, it's like deja vu.
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  You get into it. Things feel like they've changed
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  and deja vu they're they're back.
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  Damn, I've been here before, you know?
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  That's what you say you like, Damn, I've been here before.
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  This has happened before. Got me.
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  Because this is part of it. This is part of the dynamic.
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  This is part of the mindset. That's why I'm just trying to
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  yeah, I'm trying my best to help you out with him.
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  I'm trying my best to help you out.
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  Understand. I'm trying my best to help you
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  out grow and to realize what you're going through in the heal
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  and be healed and be healed. And like I said, because explain
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  it. Why write it down.
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  Y'all it's going and there's a lot of times y'all it.
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  It might take a therapist to help you out with this right
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  here. Or you can do it one-on-one with
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  me or you can join the support group and talk to other other
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  survivors and thrivers or whatever.
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  Because once you get clear on the wire it just helps you.
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  You know the support group link is in my bio, my my in the
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  description of every video and podcast I do, y'all y'all are
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  interested in that. I might pin it to the top of
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  this, the comment section of the YouTube, but this it is y'all
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  this can help. Y'all I'm just telling you it
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  can help you out so much because if somebody why did you keep
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  going back and you said, oh I don't know, I don't know.
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  I just keep doing it. I don't know.
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  I can't explain it. You have to learn how to
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  explain. You have to dig deep within
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  yourself because their self discovery, their self-awareness
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  just doesn't work for me As a narcissist.
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  It can work for you. As an empathetic, highly
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  empathetic person. I just why do you keep going
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  back? Well, I'm just a highly
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  codependent person right there. Work on your code.
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  Now you know. Now you have a ground, a base, a
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  basis to work on codependency. Why do you keep going back?
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  Why do you give another chance? Oh God told me so.
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  I believe in God. God is sending.
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  I feel like God is sending me this message.
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  So now you get clear on this situation right here and
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  understand like, OK, what message?
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  Is God sending me this message? What message?
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  Am I misinterpreting this message?
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  Is this the real message? What am I getting here?
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  You see what I'm saying? Right here is where you heal.
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  Right here is where you grow. There's grow.
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  Yeah, there's there's true growth in understanding what
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  you're going through or why you going back to this toxic
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  relationship. There's growth and understand
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  what you're going through of course because that's what you
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  know. That's what I'm helping you do
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  anyway. That's why we we are growing
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  together. But there's true growth and
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  understanding and good and and digging through it, digging
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  deeper to within yourself because understanding the
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  narcissistic behavior, it can help you heal.
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  But understanding you can help you even more.
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  You see how they work. They can work in tandem.
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  Understanding how toxic and horrible they are and why they
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  do what they do can help you possibly.
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  But also understanding who you are, what you know, who you are,
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  who you serve, what role you play can help you out as well.
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  That's what I'm just saying get get consistent on being able to
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  write this stuff down. Get consistent on being able to
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  think clearly and write. Like I said, writing it down
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  helps you remember it, but you can also refer back to it.
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  Write down your story yo this your write down your
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  autobiography of this relationship.
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  Because they help. They can help.
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  You can find your why in it. If you're having trouble
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  discovering why you keep going back or why you keep opening the
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  door or why you can't block this person.
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  Write down your autobiography of this relationship.
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  You know, write that down. Because he can help you get
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  clear on the story of why you going, why you might go back.
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  Once you get clear on it, it's like once you're writing it
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  down, you go oh damn, that's why you know it is going.
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  It can be it, it's it can hurt. Writing it down can hurt.
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  Telling yourself the story of what you survived and what
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  you've been through with this person, it can absolutely hurt.
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  So they prepare you for that as well.
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  But it also help you. It's so self discovery.
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  It's going to hurt to remember certain things going to hurt the
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  things that you might have repressed.
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  It's going to hurt to maybe dig. So you like.
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  You might yeah. You might dig so deep and and
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  feel like, OK, I had, I grew up in a toxic household and these
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  toxic relationships are just like the household I grew up in.
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  I I learned from my parents their relationship was toxic.
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  So This is why I'm in a toxic relationship.
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  This is why. Boom.
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  And it's going to hurt because you might start realizing your
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  parents are toxic. And it's going to hurt, like I
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  said, when you're understanding yourself, when you get to that
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  point where you're digging deeper, that's where the healing
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  happens. Y'all and I y'all know I'm all
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  about helping people heal. I'm all about helping people
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  heal, grow and get through it and take to take it to the next
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  level. So I said y'all, if y'all are
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  interested in joining the support group, just check the
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  link in my description or I might pin it to the conversation
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  if I remember it. My my brain.
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  I've got a lot of things going on.
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  But also I'm super grateful for y'all, super thankful for you.
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  Dig deep, understand your why, Find out you find your why and
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  let's heal together. Let's grow together.
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  Let's heal together. I'm grateful for y'all.
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  Of course. This is our peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:09
  to the channel, Help us reach more people and click on the
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  screen to watch another video or to browse through another
• 11:13
  playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.